Original subtitles

‐[rock music playing] ‐Vanessa’s gonna be there tonight.

‐No way. ‐Heard it in the cafeteria. Her friend goes, "So,

are you gonna go to Hunnecker’s party Saturday night down by the lake?"

And she goes, "Duh."

Well, "duh" can mean anything.

I mean, it could mean, "Obviously I’m going to Hunnecker’s party."

And Vanessa Oliver, duh.

And "no way would I go to that party, duh."

This is Hunnecker’s party. Nobody would go "duh" if they weren’t gonna go.

They have some major explaining to do.

Anyway, it’s not like we’re invited.

Nobody gets invited to Hunnecker’s parties. He’s a star.

I bet Vanessa’s not even invited.

I heard that last Hunnecker’s party,

everyone tore out their clothes, went skinny dipping underneath the stars.

[sighs] The man is a god.

Yeah.

Could be kind of awesome, I guess.

Think about it.

Lattimore’s got his license, it’s Saturday night.

And for the first time ever...

we have a car.

Tonight... we are men!

Moron!

But seriously, O’Dell, Saturday night!

Anything is possible tonight.

[car horn honking]

[all] Party!

[theme music playing]

[theme music ends]

[all yelling repeatedly] Party!

[yelling continues]

[door slams]

Well, they’re teenagers.

We were teenagers once, hmm?

‐[scoffs] ‐We remember what it’s like on Saturday night.

That’s what I’m worried about.

How did this happen?

How did he get to be an almost grown‐up?

In two years, he’ll be out of the house, and pretty soon, Zach will be gone.

‐The dog will die. ‐And we’ll starve. [chuckles]

I just mean pretty soon it’ll be just us all alone in the house.

‐[sighs] ‐Is that the end?

No. No, it’s great.

It’ll be just like tonight.

Zach out at a slumber party.

Uh, Matthew out taking drugs

and having sex with anything that moves.

[chuckles]

[sighs] Saturday night.

All alone in our house together.

What have you got in mind?

‐Party. ‐[Jill chuckles]

[car horn honking]

["The Heart of Saturday Night" by Tom Waits playing]

♪ Behind the wheel ♪

♪ With your arm Around your sweet one ♪

♪ In your Oldsmobile ♪

♪ Barreling down The boulevard ♪

♪ You’re looking for The heart of Saturday night ♪

Just another Saturday night.

‐Yeah, and I ain’t got nobody. ‐Oh, this is absolutely ridiculous!

Come on, let me out of here. I am entitled to that!

Stolen goods. The store owner’s got it on video.

Oh, give me a break. It’s Saturday night! Aw.

"Gentle, relaxing, soothes stimulant problem area."

‐She stole that? ‐Problem areas?

All right, fine, I couldn’t get a date. Is that a crime?

‐No, I don’t think that’s a crime. ‐Hold her over for the night.

‐Wait. I can’t even bring it in? ‐At least you have a roof over your head.

‐What am I supposed to do all night? Aw. ‐[shushing] Enough already.

Oh, man.

[sighs] She was over at Cupid’s Playpen. You know, the sex shop on 41?

‐Uh‐uh. [sighs] ‐So you’re working tonight.

Just finishing my monthly summary.

I’m filling in for Carlston, trying to get some overtime.

So, what, uh... You got a date?

Not my business.

♪ And you got paid on Friday ♪

♪ And your pockets Are jingling ♪

♪ And you see the lights ♪ ‐[all laughing]

♪ You get all tingling ’cause You’re cruising with a six ♪

♪ And you’re looking for The heart of Saturday night ♪

♪ Then you comb your hair ♪

♪ Shave your face ♪

♪ Trying to wipe out Every trace ♪

♪ Of all the other days ♪

♪ In the week, you know That this’ll be the Saturday ♪

‐♪ You’re reaching your peak ♪ ‐[yelling continues]

♪ Stopping on the red ♪

♪ You’re going on the green ♪

♪ ’Cause tonight’ll Be like nothing ♪

♪ You’ve ever seen ♪ ‐Hey, come out with us.

♪ And you’re barreling Down the boulevard ♪

♪ Looking for the heart Of Saturday night ♪

[yelling, shouting continues]

[Tom Waits humming]

I guess this is what it comes down to for some people.

I mean, it’s kind of a... a device or a thing

like a blender or a coffee maker.

Oh, yeah, but name me one guy who can go on 16 hours without recharging.

Okay.

[woman, on TV] And lifting and lifting and...

What the hell is this? It’s supposed to be Die Hard 2.

Welcome to Bun Blasters.

‐ The exercise video for the tinies. ‐ Look at those bodies.

And go! And loose!

Buttocks tucked, tummy’s flexed, and one.

Who are these people?

Let’s go pig out. [sighs]

One and squeeze.

‐And up, and squeeze, and separate, and‐‐ ‐[remote clicks]

You’re avoiding responsibility on your own life, Derek, by simply saying you’re miserable,

and not admitting that you married a sick, verbally abusive woman

in a desperate attempt to escape your own loneliness.

Okay, shape up. Next up we’ve got Karen. Karen, you’re on the air.

‐Ask Dr. Joey. ‐[Karen] Uh, hi, Dr. Joey.

Uh, a couple of months ago, I got a boob job,

and my boyfriend used to love them.

But now, he think they might be migrating and it’s a real turn‐off.

[Dr. Joey] Migrating where? They up around your neck?

[Karen] No. He thinks that the right one’s too far to the left.

[Dr. Joey] Let me get this straight, two boobs on the left.

[clock ticking]

[clicks tongue] I’m out.

I’ll raise you.

[mumbles]

I’ll stay.

George?

‐[chuckles] George? ‐[mumbles]

‐George. ‐Huh?

Uh... I’m out.

‐[laughs] ‐The aces are higher, am I correct?

[continues laughing]

I’m a little rusty, is all.

First he doesn’t wanna come.

Oh, no, he’s got better things to do than hang out with, and I quote,

"a bunch of depressing, geriatric cases on a Saturday night."

He’s gonna go on a date. [laughs]

‐Then he can’t get a date. ‐[all laugh]

You’re interrupting my concentration.

[whimpers]

[humming]

[Wambaugh starts singing out of tune]

For the love of Mike, no wonder she left you!

Lighten up, Mort. Doug, Doug,

‐for God’s sake. ‐I rattled.

He deeply rattled me.

I call.

A full house!

Well, look at that.

I win.

I win. [laughs]

I win! [cackles]

Robert, we all pass gas.

It’s just that sometimes, we pass it along at the wrong time.

Now, I’m sure Karen will go out with you again, but you never know until you ask. Right?

Here, and a little bit of advice, next time,

don’t go Mexican.

Okay, next up we’ve got Virginia from Rome, Wisconsin.

Virginia, you’re on the air. This is Dr. Joey, what’s your problem?

Uh... well, it’s not a problem,

‐it’s a question. ‐Shoot.

‐Vibrators. ‐ Love ’em, use ’em, recommend ’em. Anything else?

Well, you don’t think they’re addictive?

I mean, I have this friend

that... that bought one,

and she practically has no use for men anymore.

Uh, I mean, she doesn’t even need to leave the house.

[Dr. Joey laughs]

Well, anything used to excess can be a problem, but...

short of that, I don’t see anything wrong with a little sexual aid now and then.

It isn’t a...

A what? A sin?

‐Yeah. ‐ No, Virginia.

You will not go blind, nor will you grow hair on your palms.

It’s... [sighs] You know what? I will tell you what the real sin is, honey.

It’s hitting the sheets with some hairy behemoth just to get a little hormonal release.

Trust me, I’ve got the divorce papers to prove it.

‐Well... ‐ Girlfriend, you feeling a little lonely tonight,

that’s okay.

Just pour yourself a glass of wine,

take a bubble bath.

Treat yourself right.

Just don’t take any electrical appliances into the water with you!

[imitates electrocution, laughs]

It’s Dr. Joey, you’re on the air.

[man] Dr. Joey, are there any poisons that are...

Oh... you lying son of a bitch.

I’m out! [grumbles]

Any more takers?

George?

‐[Mort] George? ‐[Wambaugh] George.

‐George. ‐[splatters]

[Judge Bone] George?

George?

I guess we can assume he’s out.

‐[all continue shouting] Party! ‐[whooping]

[indistinct police chatter over radio]

One minute he was alive, and the next he was in a bean dip.

Guys his age, it doesn’t take much sometimes.

I don’t know, he was just playing poker.

Who do we notify? Has he got a wife?

Silvia’s dead since March.

He’s got a nephew up in Ellison Bay, name of Enda.

He was a good man.

‐And he played a good game. ‐Let’s not get carried away.

‐I won the hand. ‐For God’s sake, Doug, the man is dead.

Be that as it may, he lost a hand.

The big hand of the night, $150.

I don’t want to mention it, but what am I supposed to do?

Pretend that he won to spare his feelings?

He doesn’t have any feelings. He’s a corpse.

I hate it when they got nobody.

Look at the shine on those shoes.

‐Like a mirror. ‐[officer] Coming through.

He always kept ’em that way.

It was a value of his. [sniffles]

["Love Is a Many Splendored Thing" by Matt Monro playing]

♪ Love ♪

♪ Is a many splendored thing ♪

♪ It’s the April rose ♪

♪ That only grows ♪

♪ In the early spring ♪

♪ Love is nature’s way ♪

♪ Of giving ♪

♪ A reason to be living... ♪

‐You need batteries with that? ‐No.

How about a video? I got them on special, half price.

No, I’ll just take that.

Look, you got your thing here, that takes care of the physical.

And you got your emotional, mental,

your fantasy, what have you?

That’s why we call it a total package.

"Julie feels trapped in a lonely life of an accountant

until she goes to Fiji and meets the well‐oiled Derrick."

It’s not hardcore or anything like that. [sniffles]

The emphasis is more on romance. It’s what the ladies like, romance.

I’ll just take that.

[kids laughing]

‐Maybe this is the party. ‐I think the other thing was the party.

That wasn’t a party. Those girls were, like, 12.

[chuckling] It was the water tower. Maybe just no one was there yet.

Great. Sucked to have been there and not even know we were there.

Maybe we should ask them.

Is that the Big Dipper?

[all groaning]

‐[Zach] Great job, partner. ‐Brilliant.

[sighs]

‐You go, Brock. ‐Okay.

You’ll get the job done.

Hey, guys...

is this the party?

I don’t think so.

Hey, you wanna lay a patch?

Skid out the tires? My mom will kill me.

Hey, aren’t you Brock? You play JV hockey, right?

Yeah, we saw you play last week against Portridge.

‐Nice goal. ‐[stutters] The goalie was half asleep.

You’re Platt, right? Varsity?

Yeah, so this sucks.

This whole town.

It just sucks.

It’s so dead, it’s like, embarrassing.

One more year and I’m out of here forever.

So we’re gonna go to this party at Hunnecker’s.

You wanna come?

What, to his house? To Hunnecker’s house?

No, that’s okay. I’m just gonna hang out with my friends.

To tell you the truth, Brock, I promised my mom I’ll have the car back by 10:00.

Yeah, and I’m grounded.

I’d be into going to Hunnecker’s.

Come on, partner, I’ve got nudes and limbo on tape at home.

No way.

Freshman.

‐Big Dipper? Come on! ‐It was the Big Dipper.

["You Make Me Feel So Young" playing]

♪ You make me feel so young ♪

♪ You make me feel As though spring has sprung ♪

♪ And every time I see you grin ♪

♪ I’m such a happy ♪

♪ Individual ♪

♪ The moment that you speak... ♪

[scoffs]

One battery. Who has only one battery?

I have been waiting for an hour and a half

for this delivery. Double cheese,

onion, sausage!

B‐R‐O‐C‐K.

Brock. Sheriff Brock!

[sighs]

Some Saturday night, huh?

No video, no pizza, bravo!

‐Well, I’m starved. ‐Peanut butter?

[chuckles] No, thanks.

Do you remember how we used to always do this?

Just stay in and pig out.

‐♪ A long time ago ♪ ‐Hmm. Hmm.

Oh, do you remember that time that we were supposed to go to that party?

And got all dressed up, we headed to the door and...

‐Oh, yeah, yeah. ‐I don’t know, somehow, just...

‐[both laugh] ‐You were wearing that, uh...

that perfume.

‐[chuckles] ‐Ah, yes, White Shoulder.

[laughs]

God, that was romantic!

[giggles]

‐Eight times. ‐[chuckles] No!

No, it was three times.

But every one was incredible.

Hmm.

‐Maybe six? ‐No.

We did it in every room in that house, I remember.

‐Although, it was a much smaller house. ‐[both chuckle]

[both chuckling]

‐[upbeat music playing] ‐I thought you were the pizza.

Yeah.

So where’s Hunnecker?

[girl] He’s all upset about Tina.

She was bored, so she took off with her friends to O’Cally’s.

She does that a lot.

There he is.

Wanna meet him?

‐No. No, that’s okay. If he’s upset or‐‐ ‐He’d like to meet you, come on.

[Platt] So Pete...

‐so this, uh, Brock. ‐Hey.

Hey!

‐Great party. ‐Is it a party?

So I, uh, I think I saw you playing against Portridge.

That was a great goal.

And you were fast out there, man. The move you made. That...

You deked them, man. That was key.

I got that from watching you. I must’ve seen every game your played.

You were the absolute greatest!

[sighs]

‐I’m gonna go get her. ‐She’s gonna come back.

O’Cally is just so lame.

‐I hate it. Why does she keep going there? ‐Don’t go, Pete.

I mean, come on, man, think about your image.

Send him.

Yeah. Yeah, sure, I‐I can go.

O’Cally’s, right? I’ll get her.

You know Tina?

I remember her from when you guys were in high school.

[sighs]

Well...

Yeah, well, don’t make her come home or anything.

I mean, don’t tell her I want her to.

You know, just see if you can get her to come.

You got wheels? Here.

It’s the big old truck in the driveway.

[whispers] Go.

[romantic music playing]

[Jimmy moans]

[clattering]

[talking indistinctly]

[Jill] Wait a minute. ‐Oh.

[Jill] Oh, boy. Oh, boy, come on.

[both groaning]

Was the floor always this hard?

[Jimmy] Oh, let’s just try it out. [chuckles]

[both moaning]

‐[car brakes squeal] ‐[both gasp]

‐Oh, my God. ‐Is that a car?

‐Is that a car? ‐Matthew’s home this early?

[car doors shut]

‐[muttering] ‐Oh, boy.

‐[Jimmy screams] ‐Oh! Oh.

‐Oh, Jimmy. ‐[Jimmy groans]

I got an idea.

We’ll take the $150 and do up the town.

Doug... please.

‐Everybody’s gone home. ‐It’s only 10:30.

For God’s sake!

George is dead.

He was a friend of mine.

Last week, he was right there where you’re standing.

He was arguing with me about what you eat on a Vienna dog.

You’ll have it on a poppy bun, grilled onions,

mustard, what’s to argue?

‐He said ketchup! ‐Oh, nobody has ketchup on a Vienna dog.

‐You don’t have ketchup on a Vienna dog! ‐Well, George did!

Don’t you understand what this is all about?

So, what am I supposed to do?

Fold up my tent and die too?

I know what it’s all about.

And on the day they carry me out on that stretcher,

I hope you have the guts to grab the money

and make the night something they’ll talk about

in Rome, Wisconsin for a 100 years

because I don’t intend to go easy.

Henry...

damn it, I’m still alive!

I have to be home by midnight.

I have medication to take.

Come on.

We’ll show those townies how the big boys live.

‐["I’m Gonna Live Forever" by Irene Cara playing] ‐[all] Hey!

♪ I’m gonna live forever ♪

♪ Baby, remember my name ♪

[all] ♪ Remember, remember ♪

♪ Remember, remember ♪

♪ Baby, you look at me ♪

♪ And tell me what you see ♪

♪ You ain’t seen The best of me yet ♪

♪ Give me time, I’ll make you Forget the rest ♪

♪ I got more in me ♪

♪ And you can set it free ♪

♪ I can catch the moon In my hand... ♪

Are you Tina Hunnecker?

I’m Matthew Brock. I’m a friend of Pete’s.

[chuckles] What are you, like 12?

‐He really wants you to come home. ‐It’s my turn to sing next.

Oh, I can wait, I guess.

Forget it, it’s wrecked. You wrecked the night.

‐[all applauding] ‐[singer] Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. [giggles]

‐I would’ve waited for you to sing. ‐Forget it, it doesn’t matter.

I suck. Give me the keys.

I can’t believe I’m going back there.

All we do is sit around on a Saturday night

watching the Shopping Channel, you know?

‐All this junk. ‐[engine cranking]

Just watches and dolls and diamond engagement rings.

Like, if you order them, your house would be so crowded,

and you won’t even notice you actually have a life.

And it’s high school kids he hangs around with.

Stupid truck! Come on!

‐Like they’re even real. ‐[engine continues stalling]

The engagement ring.

What’d you do to this truck anyway?

Nothing.

I gotta heave now.

[retches, coughs]

[burps] Ugh!

Ugh, I feel a ton better.

You wanna go for a walk? I don’t feel like going home yet.

[stammers] Are you sure you’re okay? ‐I’m fine,

I had a million beers, that’s all.

Oh... wait.

[coughs, retches]

Okay.

Let’s go.

[groans]

My shoe!

I can’t believe I barfed on my shoe. That was $60 shoe!

Oh, look at that. Look at the workmanship on that shoe.

It’s nice.

Let’s go.

‐[groaning] ‐Relax, Jimmy.

‐At least we don’t have to go to the ER. ‐I can’t believe...

Will you just get it out of my zipper?

I’m gonna take the clamp, and then with the forceps,

I’m gonna tease the tissue back.

And then with the surgical scissors,

‐I’m gonna cut it off. ‐Oh, don’t you cut it.

The zipper, Jimmy. I meant the zipper. I’m not gonna castrate you.

‐[knocking on door, opens] ‐Anybody here mention castration?

‐Ah! Somebody got his little guy caught in a jam! ‐[Jimmy] Excuse us.

‐Get her out of here. ‐I can’t, Jimmy, I need a hand.

[groovy music playing]

She gave me a look.

‐You’re out of your mind. ‐She shot me a look.

You said that about the girl in the hot dog stand too.

That girl, it was the way she asked me how I like my dog.

[mimicking] "How do you like it?" Mm‐hmm.

She wasn’t talking about a Kosher, Frank, I could tell you that.

‐[giggles, blows kiss] ‐That’s because she thinks you’re out of your head.

I wish they would let us dip twice in the chocolate.

I think people would pay extra.

Well, Henry...

‐are we doing the town or what? ‐Sure, Doug.

A hundred years from now, they’ll still be talking about it.

Hmm.

Can I ask you something?

You ever miss Miriam?

Nah, I don’t miss her.

‐You were married to her. ‐But she never crosses my mind.

Yeah, well, you were married for a very long time.

Yeah, I guess it wouldn’t be sanitary

to let you dip twice.

You know, she left... She left that powder.

That, you know, that face powder in the back of a drawer.

[chuckles] Funny thing,

people think that that stuff could be odor‐free,

but it isn’t.

I...

I miss the smell, I guess.

But her, no. [sighs]

I miss her sometimes. My wife.

Yeah, well, that is different.

[show host on TV] Which of these young men will be your love match tonight?

‐Jason, RJ, or Brad? ‐Ooh, pick RJ, pick RJ.

‐I like his hair. Uh, can I get some ketchup? ‐Yeah, sure.

Brad? Is she nuts?

I wouldn’t go out with Brad if he was the last man on Earth.

You know, you’ll be good on this show.

‐You think so? ‐Mm, yeah. you have a certain

charm about you, you do.

I’d go out with you.

Are you really a friend of Pete’s?

I don’t really know him that well.

I’ve seen him play.

The great Pete Hunnecker.

Yeah, he was the greatest.

He hates it when people say that.

He’s 21 years old, you know,

and everyone acts like his whole life’s behind him.

‐Sorry. ‐It’s not your fault.

He’s the guy who wrecked his back laying patch. [scoffs]

Like, laying a skid mark on 41 was gonna make him...

I don’t know, part of Wisconsin history or something.

‐[scoffs] ‐That’s why he left Madison?

‐He wrecked his back? ‐He couldn’t play hockey anymore.

They took away his scholarship after the first year.

So he came home and married you.

Yeah, I’m the consolation prize.

‐I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. ‐I know.

Hey, maybe we would’ve gotten married anyway.

That Dr. Joey Diamond? She says nothing is accidental, you know?

The way things turn out is the way you secretly want them to be in your heart.

Yeah. Like Pete really wanted to spend eight hours a day

operating a machine at the brewery that twists the caps on beers.

Is that what you do?

No, I operate a machine that strains the extra curds out of cheese.

What did you want to do?

Sales.

I was born for sales.

I wanna be a sportscaster.

I haven’t told my parents yet, but it’s what I wanna do.

‐I just decided. ‐You can go anywhere if you’re a sportscaster.

I’ve been thinking about selling those really little swimming pools, you seen those?

There’s resistance in the water, you swim and swim like crazy.

But you never go anywhere, right?

It’s the workout of the century.

I just have to save up enough money to quit my job for six months.

Is that hard to do?

Not really.

I figured it’ll only take about 10 years

and by then, of course, I’ll have eight kids and be totally in debt.

I’m kidding. Don’t look that way.

You’re breaking my heart, kiddo.

God, you’re sweet.

Don’t worry, I’ll get there someday.

‐I bet all the girls love you. ‐[chuckles]

Not exactly.

I bet they do and you just don’t know.

It’s an intriguing thought.

Andromeda...

and over there, that’s Cassiopeia.

The Queen.

She was extremely boastful.

The other gods couldn’t stand her.

Legend has it, Poseidon punished‐‐

‐Carter? ‐Hmm?

We’ve been looking at the stars for a long time.

You’re right.

‐You’re right. ‐[chuckles]

Hmm.

What?

Why won’t you kiss me?

‐What’s wrong with a good hug? ‐Nothing.

Nothing, hugging is fine too, Carter. It’s just that...

we’ve been hugging for three weeks now. Aren’t we ready for some kissing?

Why be hasty?

Oh, it’s not that I have anything against kissing. Actually, it’s just that...

[inhales sharply]

Kissing. Whoa, it’s uh...

so open to interpretation, you know? I mean, what is kissing? The...

Is it lip‐to‐lip contact? Or that whole epiglottal thing? Um...

‐Don’t you wanna kiss me? ‐Are you kidding?

I just...

And everything’s been going so well. [sighs]

And?

I don’t want it to end.

Well, why should it end?

’Cause...

Well...

Kissing leads to getting to know somebody,

and when you really get to know somebody...

I’ve never had anything last, so...

Three weeks. That’s...

kind of a personal best for me.

Frankly, I attribute it to the hugging.

Oh, so my glasses.

‐It’s okay. ‐Careful. Your fingerprints.

Okay.

They’re fine.

‐I forgot to breathe. ‐[chuckles]

‐You okay? ‐I think so.

It’ll be very interesting to see psychological

‐ramifications of this. ‐[continues groaning]

And the physical trauma won’t last long, but the emotional one...

You can never underestimate the romance of the American man with his penis.

‐Oh, Jill... ‐Just... Just cut the zipper.

He may feel betrayed by his penis. He may even get angry at his penis.

[weakly] I’m not gonna be angry at my penis.

‐He’s angrier than he knows. ‐[continues groaning]

Almost done, sweetheart.

[sighs]

You know how certain cities have foods named after them?

Like, London broil or Black Forest cake?

‐Peking duck? ‐Right.

Well... wouldn’t it be cool someday

to go to those places and actually eat those foods there?

You know, in different places around the world.

Like have the Black Forest cake in the Black Forest?

Yeah.

I used to think about it all the time when I was young.

Like 16.

I bet Black Forest cake tastes totally different

‐in the actual Black Forest. ‐Exactly.

I mean, it looks like a joke.

I never actually told anyone that before. Most people wouldn’t understand.

‐Not even Pete? ‐No, he’d understand.

Pete always understands.

It’s so crazy... isn’t it?

Just supposed to make everything better, you know, when someone totally understands you.

You mean it doesn’t?

Oh... yeah.

[chuckles] It’s the greatest.

I mean... I just...

catch his eye sometimes, and they just look like...

he’s terrified. Or maybe that’s me.

It’s...

It’s like when both know that we’ll never get out of here.

But we’re happy.

And we’re really, really happy.

‐Pete’s such a great guy. ‐Yeah, he is.

He’s great.

Hamburgers.

‐You can have hamburgers in Hamburg. ‐Yeah. [chuckles]

Tina...

can I ask you a question?

Is this what people really do?

I mean, Saturday night. This is pretty much it?

‐Drive around, you talk. ‐Pretty much, though.

And I don’t always puke. Obviously.

‐[clears throat] ‐I figured.

[chuckles]

You know, we’re gonna have to have that truck towed.

Hey, Carter. I was just, uh, getting some batteries.

I‐I need them for my blender, ’cause... Well, my blender uses batteries

and I have blend something.

How about you?

I gotta lend my celestial navigation chart to Bud Skeeter.

Sue said she was interested, so I just wanted...

Yes!

‐Oh, sorry. ‐[exhales sharply]

Are you going sailing?

No, just been driving around.

Kept trying to get to dinner, but it’s such a beautiful night.

[sighs] Anyway...

Sue and I couldn’t help noticing

how bright the stars were tonight, and...

so I thought I’d show her how to use the night sky to navigate.

Stupid, huh? It’s crazy, isn’t it? I mean, look at me.

I’m 38 years old and I feel like when I was 12.

Only then I was miserable, now I’m...

‐vaguely delirious. It’s... ‐[chuckles]

It’s nuts. It’s ridiculous. I...

I’m walking on air.

Doesn’t sound ridiculous to me.

Me either.

Believe it or not...

I went skinny dipping in these lakes when I was a teen.

There were parties. Those Saturday nights...

my God, we’d get restless.

"Let’s go swimming under the stars!"

Crazy, man. And there we’d go...

tearing our clothes off and... Wait a minute.

‐Are you out of your mind? ‐Our next stop is to swim under the stars.

That was a hundred years ago.

We will spend this moment with reckless abandon.

‐[leaves rustling] ‐[water splashing]

[whooping]

Boy, the water was warmer then, I take it.

Well, that was a hundred years ago.

‐And we all got leaches too. ‐[gasps]

‐[laughs] Got you! ‐["Give Me the Simple Life" by Ella Fitzgerald playing]

♪ I don’t believe in Frettin’ and grievin’ ♪

♪ Why mess around with strife? ♪

♪ I never was cut out To step and strut out ♪

♪ Give me the simple life ♪

♪ Some take the high road I’ll take the low road ♪

♪ Free from the care And strife ♪

♪ Sounds corny and seedy... ♪

‐[lever clangs] ‐[machine whirring]

Well, maybe I’ll see you around.

Definitely.

Pete said might have a party next Saturday night.

That’d be excellent.

‐Just don’t serve Black Forest cake. ‐No.

Tina, I just wanna say...

all the places in the world you want to go to...

I think you’ll go there if you want it badly enough.

I mean, you can make anything happen if you want it badly enough, right?

That’s what I believe.

Sure.

Hey, you need a ride somewhere?

Nah, I’ll walk.

You could have Mars bars.

On Mars.

[dramatic music playing]

You could play the red seven on the black eight.

And then the six and the five in that column there.

There’s a reason it’s called Solitaire, Max, okay?

Right. Sorry.

What was that, the six?

Yeah.

So, what are you doing here? Thought you were supposed to be out having a great time.

Right.

Help yourself.

‐This town is dead. ‐You know what?

Saturday night? Sucks.

‐Tell me about it. ‐I think we should wipe

the whole Saturday night thing off the calendar.

‐The whole thing. ‐It’s worse than New Year’s.

It’s like they put it in front of you every week just to remind you

that your life is totally screwed up.

‐In case you forgot. ‐I think we should have Friday night twice.

‐Amen. ‐[chuckles]

Kenny, you ever feel like you’re looking for something, but you don’t know what it is?

All the time.

You think you’ll ever find it?

[sighs] I don’t know.

Maybe.

Black jack, red queen.

Right.

[owl hooting]

[Wambaugh] They stood under a carpet of stars.

What’s that?

‐They stood under a carpet‐‐ ‐I heard you.

‐What are you quoting? ‐Oh, I made it up on the spot.

A hundred years from now, when they write about this moment,

that’s what they’ll say. "They stood under a carpet...

‐of stars." ‐Wambaugh...

Nobody’s gonna remember this night in a hundred years.

‐It could be a biography. ‐Nobody’s gonna remember this night in five minutes.

[Wambaugh] And they talked long into the night

about matter philosophical,

as was their want.

Is that the Big Dipper?

I left my glasses in the car.

I wonder if they found George’s nephew.

You know, it’s a... It’s a terrible thing

when there’s no one to call.

You ever think about it? Dying.

Oh, no, I never think about it.

‐I think about it. ‐I never think about it.

I thought I’d feel different.

I thought...

I thought I’d feel older.

So this eternal life business, Henry...

if you could have it, would you?

Oh, I don’t know.

I’d probably get tired of it after a while.

I don’t think I’d ever get tired of it.

No.

I don’t think I’d get tired of it, either.

[door opens, squeaks]

‐Some Saturday night, huh? ‐[chuckles] Yeah.

Well, I hope this isn’t some kind of omen.

‐No more pigging out, no more videos, no more... ‐[groaning]

You know, in some kind of...

totally nightmarish way,

‐and not to minimize the pain that you went through... ‐[groans]

...it was kind of...

Well, it was at least...

um...

‐Memorable. ‐[both laugh]

[knocking on door, opens]

Hi. How was your party?

There wasn’t any party.

So, what’d you do?

Not much. Hung out.

What’d you guys do?

‐Not much. Hung out. ‐[continues groaning]

Cool.

‐Good night, son. ‐Good night.

Matthew...

did anything happen tonight?

I don’t think so.

[sighs]

‐Good night. ‐Good night.

[door closes]

♪ Magic of the melancholy ♪

♪ Tear in your eye ♪

♪ Makes it kind of special ♪

♪ Down in the core ♪

♪ And you’re dreaming Of them Saturdays ♪

♪ That came before It’s found you stumbling ♪

♪ Stumbling onto the heart Of Saturday night ♪

♪ And you’re stumbling ♪

♪ Stumbling onto the heart Of Saturday night ♪

[humming]

[male narrator] Next week, on Picket Fences. ‐[gunshot]

John, you’ve been through a terrible ordeal.

Your brother’s death and your injury, you can’t push yourself too much right now.

"Tube elongation," Jimmy. Stop saying "Tubes tie."

After 20 years, I am tired of using the diaphragm. I am not going back on the pill.

And you’re the one who’s always talking about

putting the spontaneity back in our sex life.

What sex life?

[cheerful music playing]

[theme music playing]

[theme music ends]