Original subtitles

[RADIO CHATTER]

Okay I can do this two ways

and I'll let you decide.

I can send the dog.

Or I can call them.

Either way they're going

to come down that hill

pretty interestingly.

And you may have had

enough of the dog.

In which case we'll just

use the dog but we won't

even need the dog.

- If you call them they'll come? - What do you want to do?

- If you call them they'll come? - You want to watch?

Yea.

That's what I

thought you might say.

When we call cows

we go "caboss" because

that means "come boss".

Boss is cow.

Tadah!

Tadah!

Tadah!

And when we call sheep

we say "Tadah".

[BELL RINGS]

Tadah. Come on Santiago.

Bow come here. Bow.

Go by. Go by.

They're afraid of you.

Walk in.

Let me shut this gate.

- They're all going to go - in the barn.

Oh I hate this.

This really pisses me off.

I think I've got them just,

they probably hadn't been

five minutes in to it.

- [DOOR OPENS] - Come on shorty.

Yeah, they're always working.

They're just like prisoners.

They study the guards.

They study the gate.

They study the locks.

They study the keys.

They study the patterns,

the habits.

They got nothing

but time on their hands.

I've been in jail enough to know

just what that feels like.

[DOOR CLANGS]

They never capitalize gurneys

not once. What's the matter

with these people?

Cool yeah, read it to us Peter.

"I've lost 27 out of 31 lambs

plus three mature ewes

and one mature ram

since May to coyotes.

I've been farming on my own

now for 35 years.

I was 33 when I bought

it in 1978.

I've grown

and raised everything.

But for the last 20 years

I've concentrated on

organically-raised pork,

lamb and beef..."

I should have

underlined everything.

Because that's serious.

"Which I sell at the

Brattleboro Farmers Market.

I also milk cows.

Pure-bred Guernseys.

Cows that are direct descendants

from my father's herd.

At one time the largest

in New Hampshire.

Cows that I first began milking

when I was 10 years old."

Ah, they've added italics.

A parenthesis which

I, ah, they edited it.

That's okay. I wrote,

"what is it with these nosey..."

I have it in there...

"nosey Idiots.

What is it with

these nosey idiots?"

Okay. They have parenthesized

"as regards some of

the recent letters..

I wondered if that

would get through.

Some people don't know what

they're talking about. And it's

none of their business."

That was okay.

"Farming is a revolving door.

They come in, they go out.

It's simple.

Hopefully that's going

to be the end of it."

[LAUGHS]

God. And I suppose

we almost have to kill

the god-damn sheep now.

[LAUGHS]

Okay just for fun.

Here she circled in red,

which is not cool for her.

Red crayon always means cull,

blue means pure bred.

She had two lambs this year.

She lost one because she

walked away from it. March 15th.

And the other one died.

And I have a note that says,

"87 cull big time".

[ENGINE STARTS]

Uh - I'm going to have

this tractor running.

I have to catch the sheep.

Sorry honey. It's over for you.

And then I'm going to put

these loops around her feet.

Gee what did you think, you were

working for the Red Cross?

And then she's going

to come right out here

and I'm going to shoot her.

[GUN FIRES]

That wasn't as good as

it should have been.

Fuck, just what I didn't want.

Ah fuck it. Ah shit.

God damn it.

Let's hope we don't

fuck up. Because I hate

fucking this job up.

[ENGINE STARTS]

There will be some red noses.

[SIGHS]

That's just what I want.

This is doing pretty well too.

Except for this asshole.

[GROANS]

[GROANS]

All right.

[STRAINS]

Aw.

I'm sorry, Peter.

All this shit I'm carrying.

Yeah, can I have that please?

Thank you.

Shit.

Uh, so this is it.

I mean you know we're

talking 35 years of

keeping the same seed.

It's the simplest

thing in the world.

These are, oh Dylan,

oh I've got to show

these beans to Dylan.

He's going to like these.

These are the flageolets

that I have in there.

And there's '09 corn, alright.

I mean I did, this is enough

corn to plant a quarter acre.

[LAUGHS]

One of these. One of these...

One ear is all the seed

I need for the year.

[ENGINE STARTS]

I showed my youngest son,

25 years old when he was

here in March...

I showed him exactly

where he was conceived.

I mean the exact spot.

I showed him where his sister

was conceived. The exact spot.

Uh...

That's on the farm?

Not many people know that info...

yeah one was out in

the cornfield and one

was up by the pond.

Uh, both under

the same circumstances.

The coyote... the raccoons

were taking all of our corn.

So we slept in a tent

with a rifle and a dog.

And waited for the dog to growl.

And then shot the raccoon

and somewhere in the middle

conceived a couple of kids.

I want to show you something

more important right now.

This culture, agriculture thing.

Just got me.

And the light is perfect.

Light is absolutely perfect.

- And you've not actually dealt - with this yet.

But this... don't know how much

you can get in there because of

these blackberries.

Probably on the other side is...

this was my first cairn.

I told Dylan I did it on

a Sunday in the pouring rain.

Just picking up rocks

that the god damn grater

was too lazy to get off

his fat ass and pick up.

Uh, and I had no idea of what

the symbolism of it was.

And it was that my

wife spent most of her

time driving out of here

and this seemed like

the appropriate place.

Although I didn't

know that consciously

and had to come

many years later.

Now never mind my,

I wasn't given up willfully.

My mother died.

It wasn't like I

was just given away.

That would really not be cool.

At least it was

a logical excuse for my

situation, which was death.

And then you've got the fucking

crash of having to grow up.

So you know all that shit's

put on the back burner.

But it never goes away.

When I was adopted there was...

there was nothing on it.

Nothing. It was the

same ol' same ol'.

Your father went

to California and he died

in an automobile accident.

So now you stop thinking

about him - supposedly.

I don't think I was given

the complete story.

I don't think anybody wanted

me to have the complete story.

But I remember things

about things my adopted

mother would say.

Such as "your mother was

very tall and very beautiful.

And she had light brown hair."

Uh, how did she know that?

You know? How come I don't

know that?

How come I don't know when my

mother died?

I had one image.

Yeah, I had one little photo,

black and white photograph.

It was in their little

shitty shit box fucking

house where I was...

kept for 35 dollars a month

or whatever they got paid to

keep me.

And the little bratty girl

tore... tore it up when

I was in school one day.

And I beat the shit out of her.

So that was the end

of that image.

Hi.

Hi. Okay...

You're a little

stupid jerk aren't ya?

[LAUGHS]

Is that funny?

Peter and the wolf.

Oh my god. I can't believe

I didn't think about that.

- You haven't? - No.

That was my first thought.

Some of these are more

or less successful I think.

I don't know that that's

all that successful.

Art is never made

when everything is fine.

Uh, I'm too aware of that.

You have to start wondering

are you keeping it fucked up

so that you can keep doing art?

I've had lots of happy times.

I've had some many, many,

many happy times.

Certainly when Susan

and I were married.

And her son, Josh was here.

And my son, Jessie came back.

And his wife and his daughter.

It was the most productive,

happy time I've ever

had in my life.

I was given all of the keys.

Susan had some money.

Jessie had the power.

Josh had the fucking diligence.

And I had the experience.

And this place

just went rampant.

1998 - I know very well that

was the peak of this farm.

And it's been in decay

and decline ever since.

= Where's our yeast?

Yeast is there.

Okay.

When will this be

ready to drink, Peter?

As long as we can wait, man.

[LAUGHS]

Everything has a history.

Everything has a history.

I mean there's

a real tradition of this.

[SPITS]

Does it look like it?

I don't think I've

ever really felt...

close, this close

to three men in my life.

I'm just going to say that.

I had to fuck this woman

last night for the first time

so don't get me wrong,

I've never actually

trusted anybody

as much as you people.

That's really what it really is.

What are we really

picking up on?

Let's... let's go there.

What are you picking up on?

I don't want any of this

shit please. Please, please.

Um, well just sort of

the total expanse of a person

and what a life can be.

Mm...

But you see I see

you the same way.

I always wanted to let

my hair grow long.

But I had to walk a fine line.

Between the hippies

that I loved, the artist

that I loved.

And the farmers that I love.

Because I really wanted

the farmer approval

probably more than

anything in the world.

It was more important

to me than art.

Or poetry or whatever.

It was the only

important thing to do.

It was the only way

to save the world.

I mean give me a fucking break.

That's interesting.

I mean save the world.

I mean do you want to save

the world? Or do you want

to fuckin go down?

Ah. Huh?

You want to save the world

or do you want to go down?

I mean you know I...

I said do you want

to save the world

or do you want to go down?

I'd like to see the world...

- Saved. - Yeah.

Okay, that was how I felt.

How you got into where

I am now is mind-boggling.

Yea.

No. It's more

than mind-boggling.

It is art.

I really am trying

to stay out of it.

I don't want to be in it.

- I really don't - want to be in it.

I don't want anything to do

with Peter fucking Dunning.

Jesus Christ.

I want Mile Hill Farm.

I really want Mile Hill Farm.

What's time? Hello?

I don't change my time.

I don't buy their time.

I'm in the sun.

[GATE CLANGS]

[WATER SWIRLS]

[MACHINE WHIRRS]

I could... I could,

in front of you, call

all of my children.

Not one would answer the phone.

Not one.

This was, you know this is

your hope. As a parent.

As a human being that you're

going to have heirs.

And they're going to...

they're going to carry on.

And um, and then they don't.

Alright. I have to

just remember...

That's what I've been

telling you about.

Affection for everything.

Affection for place.

Affection for animals. I wish...

I wish the affection

for people had been as

received as I didn't give

it but meant it. Uh.

But everyone of these bales

looks really different to me

and to you it looks the same.

[GRUNTS]

And I know who needs what.

The one I just threw out

there was leafy.

That isn't even

remotely similar.

[BELL RINGS]

What are you all doing

out here in the back?

Come here.

Come here, away.

[HENS CLUCK]

Hey, hey. Way.

Both way, there you go.

Lie down.

Go back.

Lie down. Go way, way.

Fucking deaf as a post...

He's okay. Poor guy.

That story about

what kind of pig.

Uh you're going to have

to get that again because

you've, and I knew

I didn't want to do it.

That isn't the time

for the story.

The stories arise by the event.

Uh...

I could have told

you maple syrup stories.

I could have called...

talked about fucked up hams

that were rotten because I

didn't know what I was doing.

But the pig story

shouldn't have been told then.

And it wasn't told well.

[ENGINE STARTS]

You're not going

to lift up or pull back.

You're going to let it

drop into your hand.

Don't bind the saw.

If the saw binds,

which it will sometime,

just get... I'll fuck with it.

Don't worry about it.

Okay are you ready?

Our goal then in the

late 60's, early 70's

was to support ourselves

half of the year

with making money

so that we had half

of the year to do art.

So there was an ad

in the papers.

Sawmill: workers wanted.

So much per hour.

I go cool. It's a job.

So everything went

fairly well for a long time.

December, January,

February I worked there.

My accident happened

on Washington's birthday.

February 22nd.

I was put on a mill that I had

never been on.

It was a saw, it was a band saw

instead of a circular saw.

That cut railroad ties.

They would come through

this sawmill and they would hit

what is called hog back roller.

And it was below this

stainless steel table.

And there was about

3/4's of an inch

on either side of it.

That hog back roller

caught my glove.

And pulled my hand

in the gap

between the stainless table

and the hog back roller.

And there was an eternity

of just chewing.

It just chewed.

And then it was revealed.

The hand was dangling.

And everybody's freaked.

And, uh...

"oh god, lie down. I said

"I don't want to lie down

just get me to the

fucking emergency room."

And, um...

the first guy they call

over with a car,

Maurice, he was

a French Canadian.

"Maurice. Get this guy

to the hospital."

Maurice runs over and looks at

my hand and vomits.

I go "you're going

to be a lot of help."

I had already

instantly done that.

- I was in the marines. - I knew what to do.

Above my heart.

So they get this

18 year old redneck

with a huge pickup truck.

With a fucking snow

mobile in the back.

And he's doing

a 90 miles an hour.

And I go "man you

got to slow down."

I said "I fucked my hand up."

I said "I don't want to die."

He spins into the

emergency room. He runs in.

I could hear him.

"Hurry up I got a man

that lost his hand."

I'm going fuck. Fuck.

I just graduated from college.

I was... I was a painting major

and a sculpture minor.

I'm going like "lost his hand?!

Jesus fucking Christ!"

I spent nearly three months in

the hospital,

with eight or nine operations.

And I ran into the doctor after

he retired many, many, many,

many years later.

Accidentally - and we noticed

each other instantly.

And he came right over and...

put his hand down. He said,

"let me see your hand."

And I put my hand out

and he looked at it.

And only the way he could look.

And then he said

"squeeze my wrist.

And I'd been farming by then,

shit, 20 years.

He says "holy shit."

He said, "I put that back on.

I knew I could cosmetically

make it look okay.

But I didn't think

it would ever work."

And I said, "well it does."

That's the story.

That's what I did.

And it's a fucked up mess

but I'm pretty used to it.

I was 26 years old and I'm 68.

So it's been a while.

But the real story I did tell

you was...

the sudden change.

All of a sudden you're

in the hospital.

You're in jail. You're somewhere

that you didn't expect to be.

And you know - instantly,

that your entire direction

of your existence has

just made an enormous change.

Just one more implement of

destruction after another.

They all do something.

A bunch of sheep sheers.

These are hoof trimmers.

- Do you need me to - hold them or no?

Yeah, if you could just...

Lay it against...

And hold.

Are you going to...

He's very small, but okay.

Alright. I'm going

to squeeze this now.

Ah come on. Don't go down on me.

I can't hold her up

I don't think.

I just don't want to lose

what I just did.

Ah shit. Watch her.

Okay. Okay.

That's good.

All right...

Now, put this back over there.

Alright. So there's the other

one. This is the right one here.

So...

And the cord

I've got isolated over here.

So...

Get that on there like that.

Oops.

- All right, get ready, - here we go.

Just to see if she's pregnant?

Yes. She was bred, uh...

August 16th. She's had, then

I had to ship the other cow.

So I haven't had a cow with her.

There's been some

real dubious questions

as to whether she was in heat

but she's missed

three hopefully.

Come on, girl.

Well I would say she's pregnant.

Oh sweet. That locks me

into having to farm more.

I was a little confused.

I was sort of hoping

that you'd say no,

and I could go off, run off

to Hollywood with the film crew.

[BOTH LAUGH]

So I'm supposed to go to

one more place but I think

I'm going to have lunch first.

[LAUGHS]

Okay, you're out of here.

Come on Jesus Christ.

My doctor retired years ago.

I never had a physical

since the Marine Corp.

His physical was

- "so is there anything - wrong with you

That wouldn't be there if

you weren't drinking so much?"

"No."

"You getting laid?"

"Yeah."

"Yep you're alright."

The old school.

We used to go to the Honolulu

hospital once a month

and donate blood

for five bucks.

So we could get drunk.

And um...

be a bunch of us would go do it.

And when you were

in the wait... recuperating

stage they would offer you,

believe this or not,

6 or 8 ounces of juice

or 6 or 8 ounces of beer.

We would give fucking

an ounce of blood,

get paid 5 dollars and sit there

and start drinking

beer on our recovery.

And would go out instantly

and spend

this five dollars on booze.

Big gallon jars of fucking

Gallo vin rosé.

[MIMICS VOMIT NOISE]

And we would get obliterated

on the beach in Waikiki.

And then I would organize them

down the main street.

Now look, I know Tony

like I know me.

I guarantee you

can count them in...

and out. Let's get cracking.

"When you're a Jet

you're a Jet all the way,

from your first cigarette to

your last dyin' day.

You're never alone,

you're never disconnected!

You're always at home.

Trust me.

I would get this fucking

drunken group of fucking marines

singing and dancing down

the main street of Waikiki

at midnight.

Out of our fucking minds.

I was the choreographer.

I was the director.

I knew every word

to West Side Story. Every word.

I love coyotes.

- Particularly in the winter - when I can hear them

And my sheep are in the barn.

- This year's been - a little different.

But I haven't had any trouble

in fucking 15, 20 years.

And then this year they

just annihilated me.

I don't know what happened.

- Shit happened that's - what happened.

Yeah, I mean which do you want?

You want... you want coyotes?

Or you want sheriffs?

[BOTH LAUGH]

I have a 30 aught 6

up in my bedroom.

And it's pretty fucked up

and I needed a better rifle

for serious trouble like this.

And um, I mean you wouldn't

believe what it does.

I mean it, the holes it makes.

Yeah, I remember

shooting a deer up there

and it was not quite dead

and I walked up

and I shot it in the head. Mm.

The whole head went. I mean

the whole head just went

[BLOWS AIR OUT]

Out the other side. It was just

like no mistakes there. God.

So that's the trouble.

Anyway I had to find it

because Paul hides it

when I get suicidal.

[CHUCKLES]

September 5th Mama's birthday,

my first mother-in-law

I think of the photograph of

Jane scattering her ashes

on the ocean that she loved.

I don't need to be scattered

here. I've been already.

I would rather be

buried in the soil

finally and maybe

for once at peace at rest.

There's not a part of this farm

that has not been scattered

with my sweat, my piss,

my blood, my spit, my seed,

my shit, my tears,

fingernails, skin and hair.

I've spread and lost hope

over every acre.

This farm becomes me.

I've become...

the farm.

Ready?

What's the plan?

That's the plan.

Sweet picture.

My friend.

I don't know why death is always

the same but it always is.

But you know life is really much

more impressive than death.

Life announces

itself with force.

[ENGINE STARTS]

Death slinks off.

Dragged in sharp jaws under

the turkey shed

to be chewed apart

back to life again.

What's over there,

where the cattails

are was the girls beach.

And I had a dump truck

come in full of sand.

And I had a beach over there.

And the girls always waded in

and the boys always dove in.

And it was...

I got photographs of all

my apprentices stark

naked up here.

Boys and girls

and wives and children.

And we were really

open about it all.

There was no repression.

I think it was

pretty impressive to these

21 year old

doctor and lawyer

suburban children.

To find out how fucking wild

some of us older people were.

Which I'm sure you've

experienced in your own way.

- Anyway we had a real diving - board here.

It really worked too.

It was really fun.

I love diving boards

but that too disintegrated.

Those cracks sound

like ominous to you now.

Try being in the

middle of the Connecticut River

when that crack

sounds like thunder.

[IMITATES CRACKING NOISE]

- It goes all the way - to New Hampshire.

I had done the first drawing,

oil pastels, day before.

And then we had about

an inch of snow.

- And I... I wasn't - finished with it.

So I went out and I was

working on it.

After about an inch of snow.

And my son, Jessie came home.

And he said

"You know Joan's gone."

"I said what?"

"Joan's gone."

"What do you mean?

She left?"

I thought she

was asleep upstairs.

Because we had totally

different schedules.

I said what do you

mean the Saab's here.

- She said she took - the farm truck.

I said you're kidding me?

And I didn't know she was gone.

And she had taken both the kids.

Sudden change.

Well at least with somebody here

I don't have to worry about

lying there with a broken neck

all by myself if I fall.

How are the sheep this morning?

Nothing's happening out there.

They're just sitting around.

Chewing cud. And the pigs?

Uh, yeah. They're not

doing anything either.

Uh...

What's the date? The 20th?

I'm thinking maybe we ought

to process these sheep.

- Yeah. - Do you want to do that?

- Yeah. - All right.

So we're doing the same thing,

Peter, as before?

Over and over and over

and fucking over.

The same thing as before.

Just goes on about

thirty something years.

Getting a little stale.

Okay.

317 Y63 and an ewe.

We're on A this year.

I started with J. I've been

through the alphabet twice.

December Thirteen.

Thirteen.

Thirteen.

Uh, see I'm glad I looked.

You're not who I

thought you were.

This is the third one.

This is '06.

So that's the one we

want over there.

Yes that's who she is.

You gotta be 14.

[STRAINS]

Actually it doesn't even matter

what the fuck you are to me.

Not to beat a dead horse but

where are you at with the sheep

decision on selling?

- I don't think Nathan - knows about it.

No he probably doesn't.

I don't really know.

I vacillate. I got... you know,

I got the alcohol problem.

I got...

Have you thought any more

about that?

Do you think you'll do a...

do the Detox and rehab?

Well I have to. I mean there's

not actually any choice.

Well there is a choice.

It's hanging over

the bathroom door.

Yeah. Yeah, but it's got

to be one or the other.

Yeah. It's going to have to be

one or the other.

I'm one day at a time man.

It's almost down to

an hour at a time.

Yeah. Maybe.

No. No I'm going...

I'm going down fast.

I can't tell you.

This is not...

this is not good times.

Yeah.

I'm well aware of it.

And winter's the worst too.

Ah, I think it's

not winter anymore.

I think it's just the world.

You Y63? Just checking.

Before we make any rash moves.

Okay, she went that-a-way.

She went that-a-way,

oh she went that-a-way.

I know you don't even know what

that-a-way even means.

No, no, no. Don't go that-a-way.

That way. That way.

Do that...

Talk to her will ya,

you asshole.

Different in a group than when

you're in a little cell.

Uh, see that one slam in there,

the other lamb,

because it thinks it's its

mother.

Uh, you know what

I think I'm going to do?

Uh...

Slow the fuck down.

Slow the fuck down.

Should have done this before I

let them in. God damn it.

God damn it.

[SIGHS]

God.

When I'll have to do this again

is when I have the shearer comes

if I'm still alive and I'm

still involved with this.

We can't catch

these lice, right?

No.

I don't want to bring these back

to my apartment.

[LAUGHS]

No, no I... that's a good

answer... a good question.

Yeah. Yeah.

I'm going to try

a different tactic.

God you're a squirmy

little mother fucker.

Oh I hate fucking sheep.

God fucking Christ.

I hate fucking sheep.

Yeah. Reset.

Okay, we're done.

You want me to

take you on a run?

- No, I need to do more - than take a break.

What do you need to do?

I need to get out of here.

- No, but then - there's my side of it.

And I said to Tony when he

showed up

originally when I went,

I said why don't you

document my suicide.

- And he really thought - I was bullshitting.

And I'm really not bullshitting.

- I don't think we thought - you were bullshitting.

- We just weren't sure if - we wanted to be a part of that.

Uh huh. Well you weren't going

to be a part of it.

It... I mean it was

other than whether you

wanted to be in it graphically

but I'm living

in hell right now.

You can't even conceive of

how... the hell I'm living in.

No, uh no.

When you got to get up twice

in the night to drink a

shit-load of rum

just to keep the DT's out,

you're not doing well.

Uh, I just have been drunk

for so long that I...

I don't know that there's even

a way to get out of it anymore.

Boy, it's all

you have is a shot...

Pour it like you fucking

don't own it.

Alan, that is a ugliest

fucking plastic

carrot sticking out

of that snowman

that I've ever seen in my life.

You don't have any

carrots in this bar?

Man, you just don't get sober.

- Alan, I think we're all set. - All set.

I'd like to take that myself.

Okay.

Peter, we're here.

Did you go all away around?

Peter, don't worry about it.

Just uh, we're here.

- Dylan? - Yes.

- You're getting - a fucking attitude.

- No Peter, - you're just criticizing.

No you're getting

a fucking attitude.

- Well... I'm not from Vermont. - No you're...

You never had

a fucking attitude before.

But you're getting an

attitude with me and

I can't handle attitude.

Peter, I'm...

Shut the fucking thing off!

- Shut it off. - I'm... listen to me first.

- What? - Listen to me first.

Shut it off.

[ENGINE TURNS OFF]

I'm not from Vermont.

I don't know my way from

Bellows Falls to Chester

to Springfield.

These are new things for me.

Why didn't you say?

Why didn't you say I...

what do we do?

We go on route what?

Because you're very critical

of people asking for help.

So I didn't want

to ask for help.

No I'm not.

You are. Yeah.

And anyway, you were

asleep in the back. So we

thought we'd let you rest.

We got here.

It took ten minutes longer.

No it took, uh,

thirty-five minutes longer.

Okay.

Hello Sir.

No, you don't even know

what insane fucking is.

Everybody has insane.

Oh bullshit.

You're not that, like unique,

that your insane

is different from...

Yeah. How many organic

farmers go insane?

I think right now when you're

like on the edge

is the time that you could

actually do what you got to do.

[CUTS LOUDLY]

I got... I got jobs.

I got like boxes

and kindling and...

- That's more important - than what you,

I mean you just told me you're

so miserable you can't go on.

- Every night we got to worry that - you're going to kill yourself.

What do you care?

What does it matter?

Oh my god...

It's another fucking goddamn

178/80 pound

dumb fucking homo sapiens,

which we have too many of.

What does it fucking matter?

I mean what the fuck

does it matter?

[SAWS LOUDLY]

It doesn't matter!

Okay let's get honest. Um...

Yeah, let's be fucking honest.

I care more about

the farm than me.

But the farm can't

live without you.

Fuck. I don't care.

I still care about more

about the farm than me.

If you really cared about

the farm you'd take the month

and trust Paul and get better.

No, but I will. I will. I will.

It's not now though.

It's not now.

I will. Believe me, I will.

Don't leave that shovel

on the ground.

It will be in the drip edge...

You just told me you needed

to do this now.

No, don't put it

in the drip edge.

See you... you fucking from

Manhattan. Jesus Christ...

So my asshole fucking son

is going to have to fucking come

and pick up the fucking pieces.

Not that I didn't take care

of him for 18 fucking years.

- I bet if you cleaned up - your son might.

You know I don't even care.

I hate him.

I don't want to know about him.

I want to get my

voice out of all this shit.

Yeah, that's a pretty little

shadow on that tree.

Boy. Really pretty.

Yeah that was only about two

inches in girth when I left it.

Cleared everything else. Um...

It was the last visitation

I was permitted

by my daughter by my ex-wife.

Um...

she was ten.

She'll be 29... in April.

So 19 years ago. Hmmm.

It's you know it's humanity

trying to make an imprint

on the earth.

To sort of, I think,

to show that they've been here.

Um, even though there's been

billions of us that have no

record at all.

And once you're

gone you're gone.

You're not going to have any

record. They'll forget you in

ten years.

Yeah, somebody will come up

here and talk to whoever is

here and say um,

"this use to be

the Peter Dunning farm.

Um... we were hoping

to dah dah dah..."

It's... it's not just me.

There's a whole environment

up here that's underground,

down to about 18 inches.

Billions and billions

and billions and billions of

organisms

that have been here for

billions of years.

And we think about our

own little human endeavor,

so fucking sick.

Wow. Glad we got up here.

I remember a good...

good painter friend of mine,

who's been long dead.

Did a painting of this farm

and when we bought

it and he said,

"do you know how much fucking

work this is going to be?"

I was 34. I just said,

"Yeah. Looks like fun."

Who could have imagined

35 years later

that it doesn't look

like fun anymore.

[GROANS]

[SHEEP BLEET]

- There was this god damn sheep - she'd probably been in labor -

The oldest sheep

in the barn, probably

been in labor for 8 hours.

She had this dead head

sticking out of her.

Enormous; and I'm going like,

"god damn it.

I don't want to do

this anymore." And...

I do my chores.

And I come back in

and I get a .22

and I put it behind her ear.

- I said, "honey I - can't do this anymore.

- You're not going to do - anything.

This, you're history.

This lamb's history."

Click. Click?

I re-cock it, and in the process

of re-cocking it - it jams.

It won't work. I have to get

tools to take this thing apart.

I go "well, divine

intervention, sweetie."

I came in, took

my clean clothes off,

put my dirty

clothes back on.

And went into birth. Two hours

I was... had my arm in her

before I could get these legs

straightened out

and pull that big bastard

out of there.

I don't know what happened but

it was overwhelming.

And I came in.

I got out of these

dirty clothes.

I put on clean clothes.

I had a bottle of cider,

and that was the last one.

I just quit.

I didn't drink for three...

three and a half months.

Just like that, bang.

And uh,

so when this woman showed up

I was in really good shape.

I was starting to drink again

but I was really,

you know, not, not a problem.

And then it went to hell.

But, uh, and... I thought about

you when we were sheering.

I can't believe

I missed that, yeah.

Yeah, you just missed it.

It was two days ago?

Easter?

Uh, Easter.

You got to tell me that stuff

when I'm on the phone with you.

I'm not thinking that way.

I thought you guys were

all done with this nonsense.

- I'm just talking to - you as a friend.

Now this is the real McCoy.

- You know you never told me you - were going to come and do this.

You were just coming

for a visit I thought.

This isn't really fair.

Ah! Fucking beautiful, Peter.

Oh, I know that.

There's an English book called

The Worm Forgives the Plough.

I don't know that it does.

It's drawing.

It's drawing.

I guess I have to be included

in the back-to-the-landers

because I'm that age.

A lot of them

bailed out for lots of reasons.

Finally you get to this

desperation again.

And I... that's where I

was with the culture.

Meaningless, meaningless,

it was getting dangerous

we were on such a wrong track.

So it seemed as though you not

only have to drop out of it

like say Ted Kaczynski did,

but you have to start

correcting it.

So this has become something

that's very valid right now.

That's why these farmers

markets are everywhere.

People are sick of

the shitty food

and the corporations

running the world and

genetically modifying

and anything

they feel like doing

and ramming it

down anybody's throat

they feel like ramming it down.

Maybe I had a little

too much rammed down

my throat when I was a kid.

And I had already lived

on the street before

I got the silver spoon.

And, um... so that

stayed with me.

What's the problem?

Everything had a meaning and

everything had a purpose.

And that's what's

getting lost now.

Without enough animals,

meaning and purpose

is all fucked up.

Without a market for the sheep

the meaning and the purpose

is all fucked up.

I know, I know you're not happy.

Nobody is.

What am I complaining about?

You know 35 years on this

beautiful farm, fuck it.

Uh, this pear tree...

it was planted in 1982.

And the pears,

I don't remember what variety

they were, but they sucked.

I cut it off and I grafted

two scions of

Clapps Favorite there.

Okay we're gonna just

demonstrate.

What I would do is I would

trim this off...

like that.

And then I would take

a saw and very neatly,

no bigger than that,

cut that off.

And I stick it in

and then I just

leave it as a bud.

One on either side,

hence that tree.

So this side of the tree

is a different variety from that

side of the tree.

These two are one variety.

These two, three are now

another variety.

And I don't think anybody

realizes how stern

the learning curve is.

It's a motherfucker.

No you can lose and lose

and lose and lose and lose

because you've got ideas up here

about what ought to be.

It has its own ideas

about what ought to be.

And you have to learn

what it wants to be.

Not what you want it to be.

It takes time.

Oh, it's super cool.

Yeah, it is. It just takes time.

You leave my door wide open.

The end of it is always

the hardest.

I want to get out of here,

go look at the weather.

We are getting

into some weather.

So yeah, this is pretty wild,

huh? Down here?

To say the least..

I lay on the ground

and I drew a landscape

with trees and animals

all in that mold,

just by scratching it.

And it was beautiful.

Beautiful trees, deer,

dah dah dah. Dah dah dah.

They would have locked me up

if anybody knew about that.

- I actually never told anybody - either.

So this is how I'm going to end.

This is the 18 step program.

Nine up, nine down.

And I'm going to trip on Diehard

and hit my head on that stone

wall above those potatoes.

And I don't know how long

it's going to take before

they find me but...

the potatoes won't

be very good probably.

I'm going to ted it twice more.

I'm going to ted it twice more.

And then I'm going to rake it

and then hopefully bale it.

I'll go out there and mow

when we've got good weather.

When I rake and bale

I'll bring all this with me.

I mean this.

Drive it out of here.

Yeah, I mean it's... why not?

Is your baling...

baler in good shape?

- You can turn it on - tomorrow?

You are...

That's the last piece of...

You never say something

like that.

Did I jinx you, Peter?

You just don't ever say

anything like that.

Why not?

The baler was working well

when I put it away.

Period.

[FROG RIBBITS]

- You know what that is? - No, it's a nice song bird.

What is it?

It's a toad.

[RADIO CHATTER]

"Slight chance..."

[RADIO CONTINUES]

I think that hay might

be better today.

- Can you guys just sort of walk - around for like a half an hour?

- Sure. - Yeah?

Yeah. These...

He's got stuff...

- I imagine this is - the lady's touch or

Did you put this out here?

- The what? - These flowers.

- I just cut them. I just did it. - Just now.

- I walked up to my ankles - in water

- To cut those fucking - goldenrods.

Every time I drove by it,

- I usually make a mix, - and I really just

Said I need fucking yellow.

Just straight old yellow.

This is fucking August

you know?

[TRACTOR WHIRRS]

It looks easier than it is.

All I can tell you is 80 million

things can go wrong with this.

No. What do I need to do?

I need to reset something.

Okay.

Want to go to top or bottom?

God without glasses

it's almost impossible.

[MECHANICS SQUEAK]

Kill the downtown

and build a prison...

- Want me to crank it a couple - more times around?

No. Uh,

what I want to do is I want to,

uh, start it.

[METAL WHIRRS]

So what am I going

to do for you?

- Buy me a beer. - Money?

We'll work on that

if it happens again.

Am I depressed? Am I doing art?

Am I drinking too much he asks?

Uh, I compose suicide notes

and stay drunk on cider.

I write dribble, shitty little

poems with lots of words like

trap, lock, whack, work, chain,

bind, weed, I'm trapped.

Not like the red squirrel

I have in the have a heart.

Bouncing off all six sides.

Manic, scared to death.

This isn't hardware cloth.

This is a beautiful oasis.

A paradise

in the midst of ugliness.

It's all I've ever wanted. More,

in fact. Much more.

And I alone can't do it.

I watch the flower garden

turn to weeds.

Its fence fall down.

Watch the sills rot.

Barns lean.

Watch the juniper overcome.

Watch each room, each building

fill up with crack and dirt,

decay, clutter.

Watch the chickens taken.

The lambs die of lie.

Flies strike. Maggots. The house

peel and sag.

Where the fuck could I go?

My life's been spent

improving this farm.

And never, at least not

in a century,

have the fields

flourished like this.

I have succeeded.

The diversity.

The billions of birds

and plants,

the richness the beauty.

It's only cost four children,

two wives and an inheritance.

But the old man is slowing down

and the weeds are speeding up.

But what else? Where else?

So that's the story.

And, for whatever reason,

Tony...

has...

he comes up here.

Okay, I can do this two ways,

and I'll let you decide.

I can send the dog

or I can call them.

[HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ Now there just passed

on another day

♪ Where I really

wanted to get away

♪ From the problems

that I built up

♪ Can only see one way

to make it stop

♪ Unable, I'm too bound

♪ I wanna get away from

what I've found

♪ Each day another rock

upon my head

♪ Each night I lie awake in bed

♪ What shade

of joy

♪ Will hit

me first

♪ I hope

it lasts

♪ A burst

in bliss

♪ Pressure pressure

oh God no

♪ Pressure, can't

take this pressure ♪