Original subtitles

[background ambulance sirens]

Downloaded from YTS.MX

[music]

[song] "Caught in a down-draft

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

I'm swimming from a life-raft

I'm stuck in an avalanche

I'm swinging from a tree branch

I swear on my momma's

good grave life's strange,

'Cause only the good die young

The rest of us just change

'Cause now it's time to fly

time to rise

time to glide

In the air

away up here

In the clear blue atmosphere.

Now it's time to fly

time to glide

time to rise

Here outside in the esophere

Way up here in the atmosphere."

[music]

John [voice over] >> I remember hearing when I was real little,

"things happen for a reason". So when things happened that

made no sense, I would try to find a reason.

It's strange because some things actually don't make

sense, until you make sense of them...later.

after the fact.

[music]

Hi.

Thank you.

[music]

I'm John... Sharon, hi.

What? Nothing...

You pulled my chair out for me.

Yeah? Somebody raised you right,

or you have older sisters.

Two. One older, one younger...

Well, one sister really.

I guess it's two sisters. You "guess"?

It's complicated...

I hope not for your mother.

It might have killed her.

Sharon >> Oh, come on.

Actually...

She died of cancer.

I'm...so sorry.

What about your mom?

Um...

sometimes, I just wish she were dead.

[music, voices fade...]

[music]

Susie >> I don't understand... John >> I didn't at first

either, but then it dawned on me

You have two more years here. So?

Later today, when I get the diploma, I can't see

myself setting foot on camp

This part's over for me. Did you know Ring Lardner

was a reporter in Chicago when he was nineteen.

So theoretically, I'm behind. I haven't seen the world.

Don't you want to see the world in two years?

I thought we'd see the world together.

I gotta go get my cap and gown.

[footsteps]

Wasn't it something?

Four years, in the blink of an eye, huh?

[footsteps]

John >> Dad, I'd like you to meet Frank.

He's been my roommate the last few semesters.

What happened to David? Anne >> He transferred, dear.

Mary >> Like, two years ago, Dad.

Anne >> Ohh... thank you.

Nice meeting you. Bill >> Nice meeting you.

John >> And this is my mom. Frank >> Pleasure to meet you.

Anne >> Congratulations. Thanks very much.

Are your parents here? I'd love to meet them.

I think they found themselves a spot in the shade.

Lucky. I'll let them know

you asked after them. You remember Mary?

Sure. How're you doin'? Good.

John >> And this is Caryl. Hi.

Surprised you made it, Caryl. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too. Anne >> Caryl.

We're gonna go get ready. Okay, comb your hair!

You never said you had an older sister.

I don't. Then who's Caryl?

[footsteps]

I thought you went to the restroom.

I don't want to do this around your mom.

You should go back inside.

I'll be done in a minute.

[footsteps]

Gotta love that...

It's a good thing we could all do this for you.

[footsteps]

[ding, ding] Anne >> There we go.

I would like to say something.

John... Mom...

I am...well, we all are feeling a great deal of

joy seeing you finish. Not to mention

financial relief. Mary >> And surprise!

Anne >> Not true, not true. I think we should all raise

our glasses in honour of a job well done...

Dad, fill her glass. It's bad luck to toast

with water. Oh, nonsense, no.

I'll have some wine, Dad. [laughter]

Anne >> Okay. Honey, we're all so proud

of all the work you've done here.

And I love you.

Cheers. All >> Congratulations.

Thank you.

[background music]

Anne >> Um...One more thing I'd like to share, and

I know you're going to say I really pick my moments -

but I think if I say it here, on this happy day,

that you will all understand that I can handle it,

and right now it's just part of our landscape, that's all.

Recently I found a lump in my breast.

And it's cancerous and it has to come out.

And so it will.

Simple.

[background music]

Mary >> Mom, when did you find it?

Anne >> Hey, I, uh...

I'd like some dessert. I don't know about you.

Who's going to join me?

Cheesecake, they have a mean cheesecake here.

[music]

Anne >> Oh, I think we're out of light-bulbs.

I didn't know you were here. Caryl >> Oh, I just had

a few things to wash. I hope you don't mind.

You don't have to be doing my laundry.

Oh. These are yours.

I hope that's okay... Well, of course it is.

You don't need to ask. Is this all you have?

Well, I fell asleep on the couch a couple of times

and I haven't had a chance to go home.

Don't you know how welcome you are by now, Caryl?

I wanted to ask you something.

I, um...

I have to leave my apartment,

and I can't go home.

And I was kind of hoping...

that...

maybe you'd want me to stay.

More than you know.

[footsteps]

John [voice over] >> I'd never seen mom in a way, before.

I didn't think anyone was home.

Hi, stranger!

I didn't hear your car. Hey, Mom.

Hey...

Hi.

[music]

Mickey >> How fast are you? Fast, sir?

You really need to cut out the "sir" business.

In fact, the whole "aw, shucks, look at the big buildings"

bit went out with Menudo.

Can you type fast?

When there is something to write.

[rustle of papers]

Cat statistics...

More people own cats in the Village than in any

other part of the city.

That's got to be worth 1,500 words, right?

Type fast, I'll read, and we'll talk about more.

[door clicks open and closed]

[footsteps]

[whispers] >> Mom...?

Hmmm?

I wasn't waiting up, I swear.

I couldn't sleep.

You know, I get so tired, and then my mind starts racing

and I... Look.

She looks so sweet like that. Even with her taste in clothes.

She came right home after her night classes to sit with me.

How was your evening?

Can we talk a sec?

Is everything okay?

Yeah, yeah. I just...

We haven't had a chance to talk the past few weeks.

and I wanted to...

wanted to... I dunno...

I wanted to ask you something.

Caryl >> Oh, hi, John. Hey.

I must have dozed off.

Why don't you go upstairs, and get some sleep, honey.

Can I help you with anything?

Oh, I'm fine, thanks.

I'll take that.

Good night. Good night.

Ahem.

She is such a blessing.

What did you want to talk about, honey?

I still have a little bit of money saved up from

working last summer.

Um...

I know my timing's bad...

but with Caryl here, and Mary...

Yeah...?

I think it's time I found a place of my own.

Except for college, I've been here in this house

my whole life. I wanna live on my own.

Pay my own bills, cook my own dinner...

Let's not get excessive.

Seriously, Mom.

Don't you think it's time?

What?

What? I was thinking about

something I read this morning. Something about "change",

about being open to change.

I'm sorry.

Oh, no, honey. I knew you were going to ask me.

I just can't say I was looking forward to it.

[music]

John, some kids never leave the space

they grew up in.

But that's not you.

[music]

[footsteps]

Is someone there?

[music]

John [voice-over] >> I dated. A lot

[laughter]

For some reason, I used to tell them that I was alone,

with no family, no baggage, no obligations.

[music]

Then I met this girl I really liked. Gwen.

She was a reporter like me, except she grew up in the city.

[phone rings]

Hello.

Mary >> ...Well, it hasn't gone to her lymph nodes,

thank goodness, so, she's 'stage one'.

It's not like Mom's...

Let me call you back...

Yeah, let me... I understand.

John, it's just that it was first Mom, and now it's Caryl.

You should be here.

Tell Mom... Yeah, tell her I will.

I'm going to have to call you back.

So, what do you think?

[music]

Gwen >> Well, the article's fine.

But, did you ever think you could

You know, more?

[music]

[phone rings]

[recording] >> Hey,

Mary [on phone] >> Caryl's going for her biopsy tomorrow.

I need to talk to you. [beep]

John [voice over] >> I couldn't bring myself

to pick up the phone.

Take a look at this...

In and out of foster homes.

the last eight years or so.

Where is she now? You tell me.

Her name is Johanna Wilson. Her mother died of AIDS

two years ago. She never knew her father.

The last story I wrote was about street musicians.

I write character pieces.

I don't know anything about foster care.

You should.

Eight years?

Of hell.

You don't need me to insist.

[music]

Anne >> I just wanted it to be a surprise for her.

What happened to all my stuff?

Oh, it's mostly in the garage, except for those

magazines I threw out, for obvious reasons.

I wanted her to have a nice place to do her homework.

She comes here most of the time after her night classes now.

She likes quiet for studying. I mean, who doesn't?

[Anne hums]

Okay, so what do you think?

[Anne hums a tune]

What is that you're humming?

[sings] "Are you going to Scarborough Fair?"

Do you remember that?

I think it's a little before my time.

I used to sing. I used to sing a lot more.

Kinda makes all the hard work easier.

[Anne hums]

Hey, is Caryl...? She's okay?

With the chemo?

Well, she's tired a lot, but she knows the drill, so...

[hums]

So I'm working on this piece for the paper, and...

Your generosity amazes me.

[sings] "Remember me to the one who lives there...

She on

She once was a true love of mine."

Doggone it.

[music]

Mrs. Montain? Who's asking?

John Stevenson, West Village Weekly.

I was wondering if I could get a few moments of your time.

This about Johanna? Yes, it is.

So you're going to, what?

Ask me a few questions about my sister, and then write

whatever you want?

Make her sound like a monster and such.

I wanted to hear your thoughts...to be fair.

You wanted to be "fair"? What do you know about fair?

The paper prides itself... The "paper"?

What about you? Where are you from?

New Canaan. New Canaan?

Sounds biblical. Where's it at?

Connecticut.

Do you have any children, Mr. Stevenson?

No. But do you have family?

Of course. I have four of my own, but

I was going to take Johanna in. My sister's baby, right?

But the city wouldn't allow me...

There are certain things I won't talk about to a stranger.

My sister knew she had a problem, a disease.

From living the life you live, sometimes it's unavoidable.

But that little girl,

she never gave up...

house to house,

pig to pig...

Haven't you ever been faced with something

that's bigger than your own needs?

[music]

You okay?

John? Yeah.

You haven't been sleeping much lately.

How old do you think she is?

I thought you said she was twelve there.

If you were judging from her eyes, you would say she was 50.

So she's keeping you awake?

I don't know. Because I thought

it had something to do with the answering machine.

Just before, when you went out for coffee.

Who's Mary?

Just by the sounds of it I'm guessing she's your sister.

Hey look, this story that you're writing is designed

to make you feel guilty, to make the reader feel guilty.

But I think that you're the one who feels guilty

about something else.

You're going to tell me how I'm feeling now, Gwen?

Is that it?

No.

Besides how can I do something you won't even do for yourself?

This is, what?

Yeah.

I'm leaving. Because every time we talk

about your background, you just end up shutting off.

I wish you'd tell me what you're so afraid of.

[footsteps]

Your other sister, Caryl, she's obviously very sick.

And your family needs you...

and your time. Okay?

What's the harm in telling you that?

She's not my sister.

Ohh... don't...

I have been with liars before. I am not doing it again.

She's not my sister. You don't know what

you're talking about.

Don't leave!

[slam]

Fine. Okay.

But do me a favour, do us both a favour,

and just tell me the truth.

Okay... damn it.

[footsteps]

[slam]

[footsteps]

[beep]

Mary's voice >> John...

are you screening?

You know, you should really call...

for Mom's sake.

Honestly, for mine, too,

and Caryl.

Okay, bye. [beep]

[music]

[honk, honk, honk]

John >> HEY! CARYL!

Caryl >> Hey!

[music]

Well, this is a nice surprise.

What's with the lift?

I know you come into the city for night school,

so I just... I don't know.

I hadn't seen you in a while.

I'm okay, John.

Hey, thanks for your room, by the way.

Mom's idea, actually. Yeah, but it's still

your room. Good point.

Hey, I'd offer you a piece, but it's nicotine gum.

The higher powers have given me the message -

it's time to quit.

I wanted to thank you...

What for? Mom.

Helping with Mom.

You don't have to. She gives as good as

she gets, your mother.

Still...

Wel

Well, you're welcome.

It's this one.

I'm sorry...

No, don't be. You think you're

the only one that looks?

I just wish people would ask.

I would've done the same for you, you know?

If anything, heaven forbid, ever happened.

Whatever. That's the way it works

with family.

Love is not debt, John.

Your mom taught me that.

[music]

[splashes of water]

[clinking of dishes]

Bill >> John?

[footsteps]

So how long are you staying this time?

I just drove Caryl home. Hm.

[clatter of dishes]

Bill >> You know, there's a nice little Italian place

just opened up on Rivington.

Certain nights I tell your mom, "go ahead, order in."

But, uh... Well, you know your mom.

Why are you so late?

Aw, there was a disagreement with the electrician, so

a couple of the blueprints had to be changed.

Mom said 10:00, 10:15 is your usual time now.

Says she's usually asleep when you get in.

She exaggerates...

Does she?

Yeah. It's because she's angry.

It's a normal response.

Thank heavens she's r

In remission.

If she wants to be angry at me, I'll take one for the team.

That's big of you.

Maybe you're angry, too.

We have two women in this house right now that might

need a little extra... Hey! I was home earlier.

And there was no one else here.

Your mother goes with Caryl to the hospital.

And sometimes they just go on a walk.

"Medicinal walk", that's how your mother puts it.

And I think, "okay, a good deed."

But even a good deed has a beginning and an end.

[loud clatter of dish] And where do you go?

WHERE DO I GO? I GO BACK TO WORK!

Don't you think we owe them?

Owe who? Caryl, for one.

Months she took care of Mom.

Said nothing about it, and asked for nothing in return.

We gave Caryl a roof over her head when all

those problems with her mother began,

food, shelter...just like she was part of the family.

Was? Is.

Maybe now's not the right time for you to...

Do what?

[chair scrapes]

For me to what?

It sounds like you're daring me.

I'm not daring you.

I'm just curious.

Maybe now's not the time for me to what?

To do one of your disappearing acts.

[Bill chuckles] This is funny?

I was just wondering if you're meaning to lecture

me or yourself?

You couldn't possibly know what these women are going through.

It's about them,

about their bodies.

Not you.

[dish clatters into water]

[footsteps]

Mickey >> No. I'm just saying, "no", okay?

No retraction.

I'll put you through to Legal if you want.

Yeah, I don't know why they put you through to me either,

but if that's what you want...

[footsteps]

I know... yeah...

I want off the payroll.

What? I want to work freelance.

Freelance?

There's no stability in that. When you came here, you told me

you wanted stability, a column maybe...

Right now I want the time,

and I want to choose where I spend it.

Look, I'm sorry about your mother.

I'll still bring you the ideas first.

You'll still get articles.

John...

But nine to five is over for me right now, Mickey.

You should take your call.

[footsteps]

Well, Mary has decided on Duke.

That's a good school.

You could've gone there, too.

I know.

That bother you?

Maybe once, a little.

Perspective's easy to come by now.

I'm good with what I got.

You feeling tired?

Mmmm...

It's going to make a liar out of me.

What is? Duke.

I don't think I understand.

Oh, I made Mary a promise.

I told her I'd be at her graduation.

And you'll keep that promise.

Hey...

Look at me.

We will.

They found another lump this morning when I went in.

Ohhh....

Why didn't you say anything?

I just wanted to be alone with it for a while, I guess.

[sigh]

Does it bother you when I talk about Mary?

I was thinking about you.

Well, maybe it's time you start thinking about yourself

a little more, young lady.

Sure.

A good nature is hard to come by.

Don't underestimate that.

[music]

Anne >> So what time?

Mary >> Midnight, at the latest.

And you'll call when you're on your w

Cross my heart. All right.

John >> It used to be eleven for me.

Well, kids are smarter now.

I'm so glad you've been coming around.

Do you want help with anything else?

No, it's okay, I'm going to wait for Caryl, honey, thanks.

[footsteps]

[clicking of computer keys]

[knock, knock] Hey. Did you have fun?

Yeah. The movie was okay.

I so rarely come in here now.

It doesn't seem the same.

Mom told me about Duke.

Yeah, well, I figure one year off is enough, you know?

Unless I'm looking to be a bum.

Dad says, one year's for learning, two years,

you're a bum.

One of his old sayings that he made up.

Do you regret it? The year?

No, I wasn't ready to go when I graduated, and...

I figured I'd better stick around, you know?

Now, I just feel guilty. About staying home?

About wanting so bad to go.

You shouldn't.

I'm around now.

I know.

You know, John, I just think Mom and Dad were so

happy that you had a job.

You have no idea how often I've heard the term

'gainful employment'.

I don't even know what that means.

The way Mom looks...

I think the chemo added ten years.

I'd come home and the way she looked, it didn't make sense.

Like I was missing something.

I want her to know that I wasn't trying to miss anything.

That I cared.

She knows.

Yeah, maybe, but I'll tell you, it does nothing for guilt.

Well, that's a family trait, I suppose.

I remember once you told me you wanted to be

a war correstpondent. You were 15.

I laughed at you.

Those guys were untouchable in my eyes.

The middle of anything, battlefield, it didn't matter.

They just did their job.

Yeah.

There's a battlefield here, too.

Cancer.

Except we're not untouchable.

[music]

What?

For a moment there you looked just like Mom.

Except for the hug. That was you.

John [voice over] >> I wanted Mary to go now, just as I had.

I wanted her to find her place out of this house.

I wanted, somehow, to do for her what she and Caryl

had done for me.

[click of car door closing]

[footsteps]

[door clicks open and closed]

[footsteps]

Hey. Hey.

Where's Mom? Asleep.

She said she'll eat later.

More and more, she needs to sleep.

What does that mean?

I'm the opposite, more and more, I want to be awake.

Oh...are those from Magnolia?

Yeah. Those are my favourite.

[footsteps]

[music]

Hi, buddy.

Hey.

Anne >> Hey, you know what? [Anne clear her throat]

There's a nurse that works here.

She's very officious. "Officious", is that right?

Yes. Remember that?

S.A.T. word.

Anyway, she's got a lot of style.

And she's really pretty.

I'm giving her your phone number.

You just said she was officious.

Oh, yeah...Well, you don't have to marry her.

Still trying to take care of me.

[music]

Do you think I'm going to die like they said I am?

I'm not ready to.

So don't.

All right, I won't.

What do you want for Christmas dinner?

How about a baked ham.

You've got a knack for that one.

I do.

You really do.

Well, baked ham it is...

[music]

Mmmmm...hmmm...

How are you feeling?

Never better. [she chuckles]

[then clears her throat]

Listen...

During the biopsy,

during the procedure, they found a tumor.

It was a little more than they expected.

[music]

Oh, God...

They said they told you,

that they explained the 'one step'...

Oh...!

It was a radical mastectomy.

They told me... They...

I didn't think it...

It's my body.

It's my body! [sobs]

[music]

My body!

[sobs]

[music]

[laughter]

John >> All right, I want everyone to raise your glasses.

Go ahead, go for it, Mary.

Anne >> Ahem.

To my mother...

And Caryl? I was going to say,

and to Caryl. Thank you.

Two women who...

[background carol]

Two extraordinary women.

Here, here.

Mom, who keeps beating the odds,

who cooked us a good meal,

no, a great meal,

and who's going to make a great Grandmother one day.

[background carol]

Cheers.

[clinking of glasses] All >> Merry Christmas.

[background music]

Anne >> What is that?

Bill >> Let me help you with that.

[clatter of spoon]

Anne >> Honey...

Oh, my gosh.

It's beautiful.

Ohhh....

Look at that.

[exclamations] John >> Nice, Dad.

Caryl >> Oh, that is beautiful.

Mary >> Dad, that's so sweet.

Anne >> Thank you.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

[kisses]

[background music]

And many more to come.

[music]

Mary >> Do you feel like you have to do that?

Do what? You don't have to clean up.

I mean, I can do it, I can do it with John in the morning.

Oh, sometimes it helps if I keep busy.

You just look... What?

You can say it.

You look tired.

Here, why don't you sit down. I'll make you a cup of tea.

[footsteps]

[sigh]

At home, I used to clean up.

When I was growing up.

It was a way of being there, and not really being there

at the same time.

You know what I mean? Yeah.

Like, if it was uncomfortable in the house,

or there was an argument I would just start cooking

and cleaning and what-have-you, you know?

It's different here.

I feel this overwhelming need to...participate.

I don't even know if that's the right word.

I just...

I just really want to be a part of this.

Why don't we clean up together?

Okay.

You clean. I'll watch. [laughter]

Oh...funny.

You remember my father's Fairlane?

Hmmm?

Picking you up in my father's Fairlane.

How long ago was that?

I don't know.

I was just thinking of all this time we've been

together...sometimes it comes back to me as one day.

[sigh]

One day?

One perfect day.

[music]

We met in the morning, you remember?

Um-hum.

In line at the White Street Grill.

I came back every day at the same time

for two weeks,

hoping to find you again.

To see those eyes of yours, again.

And then our day began.

Picking you up in my father's Fairlane.

[chuckles]

We were married before lunch,

so I guess dessert was the kids.

Sometimes sweet, sometimes not so...

The afternoon was Little League, braces, broken bones, and

broken hearts.

Watching them blossom,

and then watching them leave.

And knowing that for you and me it was still early yet.

It's too early.

[music]

Well, it's...

It's been a beautiful day.

[music]

[quiet sounds of movement]

[footsteps]

[music]

Phfoo....

[music]

Mary >> I'll call you when I get there.

Morning's okay, honey. Okay.

Well, I'll see you Sunday. Sunday...okay.

Yeah, Sunday, okay?

Bye.

[receding footsteps]

You okay, Mom?

It's Tuesday out there.

So many things to do on Tuesday.

A hundred things. [chuckle]

[music]

You can go in now, Dad.

They're just... whatever they do.

[music]

I don't know how to be alone.

[music]

[knock, knock, knock]

[music]

You don't need to do that, Caryl.

You're not a greeter today. I don't mind.

I do.

You should be with the rest of us.

[footsteps]

Hey, I was looking for you.

[music]

So let me know if you want anything.

She used to feed you here.

She'd disappear for about 45 minutes or so.

I'd hear this chair going back and forth, back and forth.

I was five years old.

I think this is the first time I ever sat in this chair.

Not bad.

Boy, I hated you, getting all that attention.

Sorry.

You should be.

Well, let me know if you need anything.

[music]

John, there are just so many people that I don't recognize...

[music]

Caryl.

You'll have to forgive me.

I'm not a man who enjoys making speeches.

I'm not sure I've properly acknowledged all that you've

done for this family.

For all of us.

And I just hope that in some way,

that this may begin to tell you

just how grateful we all are.

Ohh...!

You know, without Anne here,

I don't know what I am in this house...

You're part of it...

with the good...

and the bad.

Thank you.

[music]

Karen >> But I already told her about you.

Good stuff, too. John >> Karen...

Believe me, I have a great imagination when the

pressure's on. She's totally interested.

Thanks...but I'm just not interested in

the whole dating thing.

Okay, no offence, John, because I don't want to

minimize what you're feeling, but being happy is not a sin.

And death and everything else

it doesn't change that, okay?

[music]

John [voice over] >> I had a friend in high school

who asked me to set him up with Caryl.

When I asked Caryl if it would be all right, she said,

"Blind dates are like used cars.

They're rarely attractive and they never go

as fast as you like."

So naturally I was surprised when she advised

I go out on this one.

[music]

Sharon

Sharon >> So what's next?

Want to take a ride on my yacht?

[music]

It should be here in five, ten minutes.

Yeah, I don't mind waiting...

except for, you know... hypothermia.

I had a thought... for warmth...

[music]

Your skin is cold.

Wow....

Someone really did raise you right.

John [voice over] >> Everything was so easy with Sharon.

I'd never even lived with a girl-friend before.

And within two short years we were married.

Sharon >> Sentimental value? John >> That's right.

This belonged to my Aunt Sylvia.

She would write to her husband Albert using this

table to lean on when he was away at war.

She used a coffee table? John >> She was very short.

Sharon >> Whatever! John >> True story.

Sharon >> Whatever. We should be respectful.

My Aunt Sylvia willed me this table.

Without heirlooms, what are we?

Without our family, our history, what are we?

Sharon >> I don't know. Sane? [phone rings]

Sharon >> Ow...

[footsteps]

Hello?

Mary >> She wants to stand with Dad and do what Mom

would have done. I mean, John, I love Caryl

like a sister, but she's not my mother.

John >> She's just excited about your wedding.

We all are. I know.

It's just... I don't know how to tell her.

I mean she's like a saint, and I don't know how to say no

to a saint... John >> Do you want me to help?

It's Mary. I'll talk to her.

Listen, Sharon's here. She wants to talk to you.

Hold on.

Hey, honey.

When do I get to see that dress I keep hearing about?

Hey, hey, don't worry.

I'm going to be there to make sure everything is as you wish.

Capisci?

Well, did you like what she did for our wedding?

Yeah, because I thought it was sweet and we

really wanted her to.

John [voice over] >> She was good at these family things

Better than me. And at this point

I was still deferring.

Sharon >> Yes, the presentation is on Wednesday, but

I'd rather not leave the mock-ups 'cause we haven't

got them all trademarked.

No, no, no, you'll see them. I just mean, for us to

leave them is going to be a really big problem.

[slurp] Crap. No.

Yeah, Wednesday... can you hold on...?

No?

Yeah, it's on Wednesday. Can I, um.....

Can I call you back? [clunk]

[footsteps]

[music]

Dr. Kalter >> Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

I'm going to give you the name of our oncologist,

and we'll make an appointment for Tuesday.

I think you'll find our outcome shouldn't make you too nervous.

Early is best, so I want you to take a deep breath,

and I'm going to walk with you down the hall to Radiology

so we can begin to think about other options.

[music]

I'm sorry.

[music]

Hold me...

[rustle of bedclothes]

[music]

I'm scared...

I'm here.

Promise?

[music]

Dr. Warner >> After the mastectomy.

We wouldn't know before then.

What's the percentage?

It's low. Approximately 50 percent of

patients younger than 35 may be capable of pregnancy.

Well, I'm 32.

During therapy most women stop having a menstrual cycle.

There are fertility drugs.

Some doctors have started using injections of a drug

called triptorelin in order to temporarily shut down

the ovaries. But, you're moving from

a large cocktail of medication for chemo

to more medication for fertility.

More medications means more possibilities

We certainly can integrate the fertility medication

into the chemo-therapy. This is your decision.

Right.

Well, what do you recommend?

Start IVF before chemo begins.

This involves collecting your eggs and combining them

with your husband's sperm to create embryos.

The embryos are then frozen and implanted once

you've completed treatment.

When can we start?

[footsteps]

[clatter of tray]

John >> Are you sure you're ready for this?

I'm going to do the chemo, right?

So...

let's do it.

[music]

Sweetheart? A little help?

[music]

Ready, honey?

[buzzzzzzz.....]

[music]

[crinkle of plastic]

[Caryl's laughter]

Caryl >> You... John >> Glad you're here.

Caryl >> Good to see you. John >> Good to see you, too.

Caryl >> Look at your new hair. Or no hair.

Sharon >> Hi. Look how beautiful you look.

Sharon >> Yes, now we're twins. [laughter]

Caryl >> Oh...good to see you.

[traffic]

Oh, this one is incredible.

Seriously. I never thought about getting

something like this before, but with the implants...

The reconstruction? 'Implants' sounds

a little less... Historical?

Yeah. Do you want to feel them?

Really? Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. You see what

I'm saying? Yeah, they feel...

They're not bad, am I right?

Maybe even a little firmer than they were before.

Hi. See, I

This with a matching thong would look beautiful.

Make John a happy man.

Or you could look for... I like blue too.

It's the underwire. What size do you want to be?

[footsteps]

[music]

You're not going anywhere, are you?

No.

[music]

[footsteps]

John.

[music]

What time is it? Morning?

Night.

How are you feeling, sweetie?

Night? Where'd the day go?

Do you need anything?

Just this.

[whispers] >> I love you. I love you. I love you.

[music]

I can do that...

[music]

John...

Yeah, sweetie.

I want you to see.

I don't need to.

I need you to see.

You look more beautiful to me now than ever.

[music]

Thank you.

[music]

Dr. Warner >> Hi. Hi.

Everything went fine... very well, in fact.

Oh, that's good to hear. John >> Did they get it all?

Yeah, that's how it looks.

So, just out of curiosity when can we resume

our lovemaking? When did you stop?

That depends on your energy level, a few days

you should be fine. I'll check in later.

Just buzz if you need anything, yes?

Sharon >> Yes. Thank you.

[laughter]

Mary >>

Hi.

I'm sorry...it's just a little bit familiar...

I know.

Thanks you guys for coming.

You're welcome.

[footsteps]

Caryl >> John?

How's the patient?

[soft footsteps]

Visiting hours were over an hour ago.

No, I know. Sharon left a note and

said that I was welcome.

It's great that you're here. Really.

That you've been here, with Sharon, the house...

but you can go back to Connecticut now.

I've got it covered. No, I want to stay.

I know how to do this, John. I kn

We both do.

She can lean on me. No.

I just meant, she has me.

I know that, it's just that there are certain things...

Don't you think I can handle this by now?

This is my wife. This is family.

[footsteps]

I didn't mean that...

Sorry.

Stay... please.

Truthfully?

I want you to stay.

But stay for me.

Okay.

[music]

John [voice over] >> I had never gone to chemotherapy

with my mother. Mary had, and Caryl.

This was my first time.

[music]

Sharon was prescribed a 'day 1' and 'day 15' regimen,

a kind of cocktail of several drugs.

The doctor went down a dizzying laundry list of potential

side-effects, and we listened closely as if

they were commandments. Anaemia, nausea, lethargy,

hair loss, numbness, vomiting, diarrhea, fever, chills,

sore mouth, constipation...

[music]

I once had a crush on Caryl, just around the first time

she came to baby-sit for me and Mary.

She was the so-called 'cool older sister' who would steal

a smoke behind the garage, and favored cut-off jeans

and black tee-shirts.

Her eyes are still the

she looks at you. Those eyes gave Sharon

strength and new hope.

They seemed like sisters to me.

[music]

Mary >> What cha' doing? Dad's gift.

You came all the way home to bring Dad a gift?

The big 5-0 deserves something.

John, you were expelled, weren't you?

Know what? Just mind your own business, okay?

It's a surprise.

Looks expensive.

[laughter]

Anne >> Is that John's car?

John >> Hey. Hey.

Come here. Mary >> Mom, John was expelled.

What? Pay no attention to her.

I knew I wouldn't be around for Dad's birthday 'cause of

finals week, so I wanted to surprise everyone.

Your father's just going to love that you did this.

He's not going to be home until about 7:30.

Mary >> Uh-uh, he never is. 'Cause he's coming

home to you. Anne >> Hey. Take it easy.

Ow.

[crunch, crunch...]

[footsteps]

Bill >> Thanks for the wine.

Dad, you got a minute?

Yeah.

Susie's three weeks late.

She's afraid to say anything to her folks.

Her old man's nuts, believe me.

He'd crucify her.

Bill >> Well, if Susie were my daughter with this,

I might be nuts too.

I mean, we're kind of at a loss.

We could get married, if you think that...

No, no one's getting married here.

No?

Mary >> John, Mom said that you should take these.

They're leftovers. John >> Thanks.

[footsteps]

You need money. That's why you're here?

I keep going over the options in my head.

I'm not sure, but maybe getting married's not such a bad idea.

I mean... I love her.

Bill >> No.

You're young. Things change.

I love your mother and I always will.

But what you're talking about...it's not the

right way to start a life.

Not by accident.

You do things because you make a decision.

We didn't, your mother and I.

A young man should control his life,

not the other way around.

And these decisions we make early on...

they have a legacy.

[footsteps]

[car door clunks closed]

[footsteps]

Hey. Sorry.

What for? I'm trying to quit.

It's cool if you want to. Can I get one?

You want a puff?

[coughs]

I feel like I'm corrupting you

I can think of worse things.

Yeah...I just know your Mom hates these things.

[footsteps]

John [voice over] >> It turns out that Susie wasn't

even pregnant. Sometimes, you're ashamed

of your innocence.

Some embryos won't survive the thawing process.

Those that do will be positioned in the uterus,

hopefully establishing a pregnancy.

Generally, we try to schedule this procedure for the morning.

But the night before is yours.

[sound of jet engine]

[traffic]

John >> Here, let me get those. Mary >> Thank you.

[traffic]

Mary >> How was the traffic? Madness as usual

Is Chloe okay? Yeah, she's fine.

Actually, she's smarter than me.

It's becoming a problem.

But I think that Patrick actually likes to play

full time Daddy and Mommy for a few days, so...

[car motor]

They found cancer cells in my left breast.

Oh...Mary...

But they said that a tumor hasn't formed yet.

Thank God.

John, that's not why I'm here.

Are you okay?

[music]

I've given it a lot of thought.

Really, it's all I've been thinking about.

How does Patrick feel about it?

Supportive. It was his idea for me to come and see you guys.

For 'input', he said. But I think he just wants me

to be close to you for all of this.

I'm glad he suggested it.

And even though they didn't find a tumor,

it doesn't feel right.

They don't feel right.

I'm doing it next week.

Both breasts?

Yeah. My doctor said that he would do it.

He said that it's my choice.

No, they can just remove the cells, a lumpectomy,

a partial.

I want them both off!

Sharon, I know that there's something wrong.

I can feel it. Well, you have to liste

to your body, honey.

Really, John, what is the risk?

I get the procedure. I go through chemo.

Soon enough I get a couple

The right size, I could quit my job, and become a dancer.

John >> Look. Double radical mastectomy is still surgery.

It still has risks. It's not funny.

I know, John.

And while we're being serious, think about this.

What if I'm right?

I have a daughter, John, and I would give up a lot

more than my breasts to stay around for her.

Wouldn't you?

Yeah. In a heartbeat.

John [voice over] >> As soon as we knew that Mary was going

into the hospital, we flew to North Carolina to be with her.

Oh...First thing I'm going to do is take a hot shower.

Honey, do you mind if I get in there first?

No. Everything okay?

Yeah, yeah, I just uh... Red eyes always make me

feel hung-over,

[scuffling of bedclothes]

[background TV]

[bathroom door clicks open]

[footsteps]

[kiss]

I'm pregnant.

You're what...?

Mwa, mwa, mwa

I love you. Mmmmm....

[music]

John [voice over] >> I had begun to imagine that

our family had a curse.

That there was some tainted gene that followed us around.

That I would be bad luck to my child, to Sharon.

And yet, that morning, I felt lucky.

[music]

Sharon >> Hey....

How are you holding up?

You know how happy she is you guys are here.

Weird day, huh?

Did you ever think, when you had a baby,

that you would have to worry about this?

About what, honey?

About the possibility of giving it to your child?

Wow. I never told you this before, but I wasn't the

kind of girl who grew up dreaming about having babies.

I love being an aunt, and taking care o

Truthfully, I played with the dog much more than

I played with dolls.

I carry it with me, you know?

We do.

Maybe it's...

Maybe it's part of who I am.

Maybe it's in my blood.

It wasn't until I met you

that I thought,

I want to create something,

someone, that's you and me.

Us. We did that.

Yeah, we did.

I'm so happy for it.

The rest is...

Yeah...?

The rest is life.

Patrick >> There... yeah...

Hey.

Thanks.

They're still in there?

Yeah, they're um... changing the dressing...

or...whatever they do.

You know it feels like she's joined some sort of club now,

with Caryl, your mother, your wife...

even you a little bit.

Don't get me wrong, you guys have been great.

It's just...

You know what the doctor told me

into surgery? [Chloe's fussing]

He said, that... ohh....oh...

He said that cancer doesn't hit people.

It hits families.

So we all got it, right?

I'm just not the kind of guy who's going to shave

his head, you know?

But, John, I love my wife.

Hey...

What is it?

I was right.

About what, Mare?

The pathology showed...

there was a tumor.

Nobody saw it.

Patrick, they got everything...

They got everything...

[music]

I love you. I love you.

[music]

Sharon >> So, just a few nights?

John >> Yeah, until after her first chemo session.

I'll come home that night. Okay.

Here you go. What is it?

Last night's dinner. Leftovers.

What do you want me to do with this?

For the plane. I don't want you eating

that airline stuff. You know, it's two of you now.

You're so sweet. Thank you.

I got it.

Here you go.

I love you. I love you, too.

[footsteps]

[music]

John [voice over] >> People ask what you find at the end

of a physical crisis. What you learned.

Does survival in and of itself provide hope?

Redemption? Even deliverance?

I think if we're lucky, what we find at the end of a crisis

is each other. As I watched her here,

I couldn't help but wonder what it was like for Mom.

How she needed to be strong until the disease took away

her strength. How Mom found in Caryl

an empathetic soul outside our family to be strong.

How Caryl needed Mom as any child needs a mother -

a loving car

a loving caretaker without judgement or resentment.

Years later, Caryl told me of the long walks she

shared with Mom. How they leaned on each other

back when they felt only they truly knew the terrain of

their illness.

It's as simple as this - Caryl is my sister.

I think Mary needs me now, just as I need you to

understand what has changed.

I know there is so much of me that is you.

And I also know now there is much of Mom, of Mary, of Caryl.

I found myself in your quiet strength.

I thank you for that.

For letting me feel safe enough to search for what is soft.

In this family, in this extended family,

I've taken from everyone.

And with time, it has gotten me closer to being the man

that I most wanted to be.

The man that I found in the gift of being close

to these four women.

A man I want you to be proud of.

I hope you like the latest picture of Anna.

I think she has your eyes.

[music]

[kiss]

[phone rings] Sharon >> I have to get it.

John >> Anna... Sharon >> Ooop...

Bill >> Good work, come on. John >> You got it?

Sharon >> Yeah.

Hello?

I've got to go.

John >> Okay, I'll meet you there in a bit.

Sharon >> Bye, bye. Bye.

Go to Grampa, Anna. Go to Grampa.

Come on. Come on, Anna.

Oh.

[Anne's voice singing] "...going to Scarborough Fair?

Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme..."

Woman >> Oh, hi there. Hi.

It's good to see you here today.

There is no place I would rather be.

[Anne singing] "Remember me to the one

who lives there.

He once was a true love of mine..."

[music]

Caryl >> You know, this belonged to John's mother.

And she told me, this ring was for John's daughter.

I want you to have it.

I know that one day you'll pass it on.

How can you say that?

I feel so selfish when I think about having kids.

What if I relapse?

This family's always found a way.

Always.

Thank you.

You don't have to say anything.

I do. You have been absolutely incredible.

Shhhh.... I understand.

I need you to hear my thank you.

You know, it's funny, I always felt that way about Anne.

I always wondered, what could I do to repay her,

you know?

I mean, how do you begin to say thank you for

being given a home?

But, do you know what I came up with?

All that we can do, is to do this for someone else.

And one day you'll be me, and someone else will be you.

And you'll know what to do.

You all ready to go?

Yeah. We are.

[music]