Original subtitles

MARSHALL: Eerie, Indiana.

Day 94.

You wouldn't believe how easy it is to lose stuff here.

I mean, stuff that was there a minute ago

will just vanish the moment you turn your back.

Gone. Disappeared.

Lost forever.

I figure,

Eerie's caught in some electro magnetic vortex

that messes up the tracking system

that humans use to find stuff.

Funny, but it seems to be hitting Dad the hardest.

MARSHALL: What's with the glasses, Dad?

Morning, Marshall.

His little screws keep falling out.

The ones in his glasses too.

Dad's just been a little absent minded lately.

Four sets of car keys,

nine pens and two address books.

That's just this week.

Bye guys. Bye sweetheart.

Have a good day.

I'm just having a run of bad luck.

That's all.

Big presentation today.

What is it, dear?

I'm giving a report on this new petroleum based banana flavoring.

Amazing stuff.

One drop in the Eerie water supply and we'd all have hot and cold running smoothies.

Where's my briefcase?

Right on the...

counter.

Briefcase...

Don't worry. It didn't sprout legs and walk off.

We will find the lucky briefcase.

I could care less about the briefcase.

The petroleum based banana extract was in there.

MARSHALL: Mom and Dad were starting to lose it before my very eyes.

I'd never seen them like this before.

Somehow, they'd lost something besides the briefcase.

But I couldn't tell just what it was.

What?

The briefcase was an anniversary present or have you forgotten?

[MUMBLING]

Of course I haven't forgotten.

Well, it couldn't have meant that much to you if you lost it so easily.

Oh, like I lost it on purpose, huh?

Well, why didn't I just hack it into a million pieces

and scatter it to the wind if I was so eager to get rid of it.

MARSHALL: I was worried about Mom and Dad.

They were in what I call, "Eerie Denial."

If I don't find that petroleum based banana extract

before that presentation, I'm going to lose more than just my temper.

I'm going to lose my job.

Oh, please.

MARSHALL: It was upto me to find that briefcase.

If I didn't, we might lose everything.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

MARSHALL: Yeah, so now Dad's all freaked out

that he's got this old people's disease that makes him lose stuff.

He's pushing 35, you know.

Scary.

Your folks talking to each other yet?

Only short sentences.

Simon, we've got to find Dad's briefcase.

He had this banana goo in it

and he could lose his job if we don't find it.

Great plan.

Cool.

What is it?

I don't know.

That's what we need.

A great plan.

Last piece. Hand me the claw.

What's it look like?

What do you think it looks like?

It's a claw.

Has an airplane in it.

Gone.

The problem with losing stuff

is it always happens when you're not watching.

Of course, if you were watching,

I guess this stuff wouldn't get lost,

would it?

Simon, you're a genius.

I am?

MARSHALL: All the stuff that was getting lost had to go somewhere.

Like my Mom said, it doesn't have legs.

Simon and I set out to lose something on purpose

so we could follow it and see what happens.

Give it a little slack.

A big bite could snap the line.

Good thinking.

Hey!

The bait had been taken.

I was sure that dollar bill

was being drawn towards some evil source.

I was half right.

I found myself staring straight into the muzzle

of Eerie's notorious biker gang,

The Unkind Ones.

Hey, kid.

Let me do the talking.

Yes sir?

Your Harleyship, sir.

Shut up.

I found this laying in the street.

Do you know who's it is?

Actually, yes.

It's mine.

Oh, it's yours.

Did you hear that, men?

He says it's his.

You ought to be more careful.

You might have lost this.

Let's get on the front street!

Saw a sign there for a lost puppy.

We racked our brains.

What was the one thing we could absolutely positively count on to get lost?

Luggage.

Eagle Eye to Fish Hook, do you read me? Over.

Eagle Eye to Fish Hook, I read you loud and clear.

Test the escape system. Over.

Test completed. Affirmative.

Got a bus blocking me.

Fish Hook, where are you?

Fish Hook, over.

Marshall, come in!

I'm rolling Eagle Eye. We've got a bite.

Marshall? Marshall, do you read me?

Marshall?

Marshall, hang on, I'm coming.

Hey!

What's the matter kid? You lost?

Hey, what did you do with my buddy?

What're you talking about?

I haven't seen your buddy.

Oh, yeah? I just saw you pushing his trunk into this alley.

You're dreaming.

You don't believe me?

Take a look around for yourself.

Marshall...

My walkie-talkie!

Hey, mister!

MARSHALL: Without warning, I was on a bumpy slide to the center of the Earth.

[SCREAMING]

I was ready for anything

except for what actually happened.

[SCREAMING]

Don't ever do that again, young man.

You almost gave me a coronary.

Where am I?

You're in the Bureau...

of Lost.

MARSHALL: Did I need to get lost

so that Dad's briefcase could be found in the Bureau of Lost?

What I did know was that if I didn't find out soon,

I was going to lose something really tough to replace

like my mind.

I had no idea what hole I had fallen through to land here in the Bureau of Lost.

But this made Alice in Wonderland look like a day at the beach.

Where... How...

There's no time for a lot of foolish questions, young man.

I've got the head office on hold.

Sorry about that, sir.

I had to take care of a Code Four.

Oh, yes sir. I've got some very good news.

While I was in the emergency room in Detroit,

we managed to catch up on tongue depressors.

Yes.

And we removed all magazines from the waiting room

that were less than six months old.

Yes, sir.

Yes, I--

I thought you'd be pleased.

Yes.

What's that, sir?

A satellite?

Well, no sir, I'm not saying that it's impossible,

but, well, I thought after what we accomplished

with the Hubble telescope...

Yes.

Well, very well sir.

I'll book Al on the next shuttle.

Yes, sir.

Lodgepoole to surface, come in, please.

Yeah, Mr. Lodgepole,

I need to talk to you.

That's Mr. Lodgepoole, young man.

Big "L", little "o", d-g-e, little"p", double "o", l-e.

Oh.

My name is Marshall. Marshall Teller.

Yes, yes, whatever,

Surface, this is Lodgepoole.

Can you hear me?

This is Surface. What do you want?

Al you idiot, you sent me a Code Four in the footlocker.

Actually, it's a Code Five.

It appears to be human.

No way.

Look, I can't worry about it now.

I have a list of things head office wants misplaced A.S.A.P.

Shoot.

Contact lenses.

Boat anchors.

Horseshoes.

World Series Tickets.

Ball point pen caps.

Seems like we can never get enough of those, huh?

Pacemaker batteries.

Pacemaker batteries?

There's no room for pity in this business.

Over and out.

Hey, Mr. Lodgepoole?

Mr. Lodgepoole?

I was wondering if you could help me find something.

Help you find something?

[LAUGHING]

Yeah, my dads' briefcase.

You said this is the Bureau of Lost.

Indeed it is, young man.

But did you hear me even utter any form of that word...

found?

[LAUGHING]

Are you insane?

Will you please talk to me for a second?

Listen, I'm not a Code Four or a Code Five.

I'm a person.

Well...

Well, how come you guys are going around, stealing all this junk?

You're not even selling it.

You're just... stacking it.

Stealing?

When I started this job,

they told me not to expect any gratitude.

Well, what do you call it then?

What do I call it?

I call it helping the economy is what I call it.

I'm a certified Misappropriation Engineer.

How do you figure you're helping the economy?

Well, imagine what would happen if people never lot anything?

Well, they'd hang on to their old belongings until they wore out.

And they'd probably go do something silly like,

have them fixed.

So what's wrong with that?

Oh! What's wrong? Nothing.

Nothing, if you don't mind a stagnating economy,

skyrocketing unemployment, soup lines...

How do you think we recovered from the stock market crash?

MARSHALL: You mean one when that old actor guy was President?

No, I'm talking about 1929, the big one.

The one in '87 happened when Al had the flu.

Eight billion dollars the stock market lost

in one single day.

It was just paper losses though.

I got them. I got them all right here.

Mr. Lodgepoole,

the reason I'm here is that my Dad lost his briefcase.

Excellent. Excellent?

Not excellent!

Mr. Lodgepoole, my mom gave that briefcase to my Dad as a gift.

And it's got some real valuable banana gook in it that Dad needs for work.

He could lose his job over this.

Oh, all right.

B-b-b-b...

Ah, bake goods.

Brassieres.

Breeder reactors.

Brief...

Briefcases.

This is it. Teller... Teller, right?

What was the date on that?

Oh, it just happened yesterday.

Teller... Teller...

Ah! Here it is.

Teller residence lost

one mud black, imitation leather briefcase

containing calculator, miscellaneous papers, blah, blah, blah...

And some sort of foul smelling substance.

Number 7-7-9-9-9-3-A-2.

The mechanical claws take just a few seconds.

Ah, here it is.

Is this it? That's it.

Yes, I'm afraid your briefcase is indeed lost.

But you just found it, right?

I mean, here it is.

Which merely proves it's lost.

It wouldn't be here if it weren't.

How do you figure?

Well, where else would it be unless it was?

Was what? Lost.

Hey, I want that back.

Out of the question.

Why not?

It's not going to hurt the economy

if one briefcase gets unlost.

I mean, we could be talking divorce here.

Uh, boss. Have a look at this.

It's that runt I saw at the bus station.

Trying to get me go for his lousy ball point pen cap.

Simon!

Yes, all right!

We could use a cap like that.

Can you get a closer shot at it?

Uh...doubtful.

Well, how're you doing with the rest of the list?

Well, I found a contact lens at a basketball game.

I picked some earring backs from the cheerleaders.

I also scored a lug-nut from some guy I was helpin' to change his tire.

Good. Keep up the good work and avoid that little twerp at all costs.

Over and out.

So that's where my monster claw went.

Oh, yes. Much more efficient to lose things before they reach the consumer.

Haven't you ever lost anything, Mr. Lodgepoole?

Eh?

Something that really meant a lot to you?

That you worked real hard for?

Or that maybe it reminded you of someone far away?

I don't even know anyone far away,

except Al sometimes.

I certainly wouldn't want to be reminded of him.

Oh, no, I've spent the better part of my existence

down here, pruning back on humanity's excesses.

Tell you what,

if you punch that briefcase back up here and give it to me,

when I'm back in the world,

I'll fill my pack with

pens and sunglasses and all kinds of good stuff and send it down here for you.

Deal?

Of course not.

I could possibly let you go Topside.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Not Topside, mm-mmm.

There mustn't be

the slightest chance of our service being revealed.

I imagine

hordes of people wandering through these peaceful halls

calling for their hairclips,

moaning for lose change.

Well, I won't tell anyone. Honest.

Nope. I'm going to have to wire the head office

for instructions for this one.

The only solution maybe...

for you to be misplaced.

Misplaced?

The dryer.

Hey!

Hey.

I'll be right back.

Don't you get lost. Just yet.

SIMON: Lost socks.

All those socks must go somewhere.

MARSHALL: I'd searched the whole place. There was no way out.

Whoa!

Simon!

Marshall, I found you.

Unbelievable.

How'd you do it?

Well, if you follow this tube right,

it leads to the number three tumble dryer at the Eerie-mat.

Cool place.

You know, I'll tell you about it later. Here, hang on to this.

Ya, hold on tight.

Where're you going?

I'm not leaving here without proof.

Come on, get on it.

I got it.

Hang on, Simon.

I'm hanging, I'm hanging.

You're all right? Yeah.

All right, let's go.

Wow.

How big do you think that place is, Marshall?

I figure the entire state of Indiana

is actually an underground storage depot for lost stuff.

Whoa.

Darn!

Dad's briefcase was right there.

I even touched it.

MARYLIN: Marshall, it's the postman.

Package for you.

Postman?

He said it's some kind of late Saturday delivery.

Are you expecting a package from France?

It's him. It's who, dear?

Oh, it's that accordion I ordered from France.

I'm telling him to take it back because I've decided to take up the tuba instead.

Oh.

Who's this?

My buddy. He knows everything.

Well, do you have it?

What?

My rubber stamp, that's what.

Oh, uh...

Maybe I do and maybe I don't.

Don't you turn your back on me!

I've had that rubber stamp for years.

[STAMMERING] It's formed to fit the shape of my hand.

I demand it back.

I've never lost anything.

Tough beans, Lodgepoole.

See how it feels when the shoe's on the other foot?

Shoe? Shoe? Shoe?

Well, that reminds me, I could use some mismatched shoes.

Dad's home. Excuse me.

What's in the package, mister?

It's your father's briefcase.

I'll make you a deal.

Make your swap straight up.

Deal.

You don't know how much this has cost me.

Years of selfless devotion and now that Al's just--

The briefcase, Lodgepoole.

Look.

Thank you honey, it's beautiful.

You really like it?

The one thing I can't replace is that banana flavored petroleum stuff.

Oh...

Oh, I meant to tell you, that project was a bust.

Well, they never could get rid of the diesel aftertaste.

Guess you won't be needing this anymore.

Hey, not fair. You got what you wanted.

Here.

I've never returned anything before.

Thanks. How does it feel?

Disgusting, that's how it feels.

Because of you, I've been demoted.

Sorry to hear that, Mr. Lodgepoole.

[LODGPOOLE MUMBLING]

SIMON: Well,

at least you got your monster claw back.

MARSHALL: Lodgepoole was right.

My folks didn't need that briefcase after all.

They didn't need their son to go down into the depths of hell to save their marriage.

No, they found everything they needed right there between them.

And that was something even old Al couldn't lose.

Can I give you a hand? Oh, no, no...

I've got the tire.

It's a Gumball one-six-five by 13 radial.

Anything else you need?

Well, that's it.

Yeah. Stop by the chicken farm.

Take out the drainage system, okay?

Oh, no, no... Not the drainage system.

There's no room for pity in this business, babe.

[BELL DINGING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]