Original subtitles

MARSHALL: When Dad created Mr. Wilson,

the friendly automated teller machine,

he had no idea what was going to happen to Eerie.

Welcome, friend. I'm Mr. Wilson.

Please enter user identification number.

Everybody's heard of the Savings and Loan scandal.

Well, what happened to my best friend Simon

is even weirder.

BOY: Ready? Let's party.

You know,

Savings and Loans have been getting a lot of bad press lately.

Well, time to change it.

Thanks to Mr. Wilson,

doing business at First Eerie Savings will be your pleasure.

And now I would like to introduce you to the man who made this all possible

Inventor. Sports enthusiast.

Family man.

Edgar Teller.

[APPLAUDING]

Thank you and welcome, neighbors.

You now have a friend in the banking business.

Unlike other automated banking systems,

you will grow to like

and even look forward to visiting

Mr. Wilson.

MARSHALL: Dad said Mr. Wilson would change the banking industry.

And Things Incorporated,

that's the company he worked for,

was going to test it right here in Eerie.

Please select a transaction, Mr. Teller.

Not only is he fast and accurate like other ATM's,

but Mr. Wilson is also

warm, dependable and trustworthy.

Plus, he's there for you,

when you need him 24 hours a day.

After all,

ain't it good to know

you got a friend?

Thank you all for coming.

MARSHALL: Around here, good friends are hard to fine,

especially for a kid like Simon.

Too bad he didn't have a bank account.

SYNDI: Encore, Dad. It was great.

EDGAR: I was hoping there would have been a bigger crowd.

EDGAR: How was I? MARILYN: Oh, you're a natural, dear

Welcome, friend.

Please enter user identification number.

S-I-M-O-N.

Some friend.

Knock, knock, friend.

You know, I programmed Mr. Wilson to be not unlike myself.

So, his success has

not only boosted the company but a nice compliment my ego.

I think this came out of the Mr. Wilson.

It's a real 20.

You must be mistake, Simon.

Maybe somebody dropped it.

Keep it, kid.

And scram.

MARSHALL: Everybody knows money can't buy you happiness.

But Simon was about to find out

money can buy you big, big trouble.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

MARSHALL: It didn't take long for Mr. Wilson to find out what I already knew.

In Eerie, people wanted to be left alone.

Who knows what weird stuff they were upto.

MR. WILSON: Welcome, friend.

MARSHALL: Luckily for Mr. Wilson,

Simon was more than willing to make a new friend.

SIMON: Yo, Wilson, how's it going?

Have a nice...a nice day.

MARSHALL: In New Jersey, we had the usual convenience stores.

We had a Stop and Snack,

the Pic and Go,

even a Save and Haul.

But here in Eerie, we've got The World O' Stuff.

Place that invented one stop shopping.

The World O' Stuff is run by a weired guy named Radford.

Every time I saw him, he was in a different disguise.

I can't prove it,

but I think he's in the Witness Protection Program.

MARSHALL: The Sky Monster.

Yeah, and like the advertisement says boys,

"Not just a tennis shoe,

ALL: "It's a way of life."

Hey, Marshall.

Mr. Wilson told you to have a nice day.

Now, the payment, Nicholas.

Charge it, Radford.

The name is Rolfe.

Rolfe Schvimmer.

MARSHALL: Nic,

this should really increase your hang time.

NIC: Oh, yeah man. I'll be getting up.

What's hang time?

Ah, dork, dude. Oh, man.

It's how high you're getting up.

So?

Tomorrow's my birthday.

My Dad said he was gonna think about

getting me a pair of Sky Monsters too.

Tool.

Well, I'm starving man. So let's get out of here. Oh, me too, man.

My big guts are eating my little guts.

Anybody want something to eat?

All right. Yeah, my man!

You can buy me a jumbo ball of chocolate milk balls.

Milk balls.

The balls that go moo.

I'll get some for us.

Marshall, my parents went to the Congo for a couple of months and

left my brother Ace in charge.

You gotta come over.

Plus, you guys should see Ace's new girlfriend now.

She's not a girl, she's...

A woman.

MARSHALL: There comes a time when you should hang out with guys your own age.

Fortunately, Eddie and Nic are about the best Eerie has to offer.

Hey, thanks for the eats, kid.

See you over there, Marshall.

MARSHALL: Thanks, Sport.

MARSHALL: On the other hand,

Simon is definitely the coolest nine year old I ever met.

For Nic and Eddie,

Simon's coolness lasted about as long as it takes

to polish off a bag of milk balls.

Thanks for the chips, Simon,

You got any of your 20 left?

No.

King for a day.

I didn't know it was your birthday.

It's not.

I was just trying to bug that guy Eddie.

I don't think he likes me.

He's okay.

He just doesn't know you yet.

So, let's do something.

I think I'm gonna catch up to those guys.

Oh. Okay.

Well,

let me know if Ace's girlfriend is a girl or a...

lady.

Okay.

I guess I'll go home then.

MARSHALL: I felt bad.

I just dusted off my best buddy.

But a man's got to do what a man's got to do.

Someday, Simon would understand that.

[PEOPLE ARGUING]

SIMON: * Takes one down And passes it around

* Eighty three bottles Of beer on the wall

* Take one down And passes it around *

Wish I had hang time.

* Sixty two bottles of beer

* Take one down, Pass it around

* Sixty one bottles Of beer on the wall

* Sixty one bottles Of beer on the wall

* Sixty one bottles of beer

[HUMMING]

Hello, friend.

Please enter user identification number.

S-I-M-O-N.

Hello, Simon.

Nice to see...

Nice to see you again.

How are you?

A. Fine.

B. Pretty good.

C.

I've been better.

Well, keep your chin up.

Tomorrow's another day.

Please select your banking transaction.

Huh?

Help.

Wait...

Mr. Wilson...

Oh, no.

Remember, Simon,

I'm here for you.

Have a nice day,

friend.

MARSHALL: The very next day, something strange happened.

Simon got the first new pair of sneakers of his life.

And he paid cash.

You're definitely getting air, Simon.

Oh, hi, guys.

Hey, those are Sky Monsters part two.

With bubble soles.

More than just a shoe.

BOTH: "A sky walking machine."

EDDIE: Happy birthday, kid.

NIC: Yeah man, happy birthday.

My hang time wasn't what it should've been.

Well boys, any other requests?

Mr. Radford...

Uh... Steve... Steve.

What's the biggest size ice cream you have?

SIMON: But the best birthday present of all was he said,

"Simon, you're such a good kid and all." [BURPS]

You know how it is.

"I'm going to raise your allowance.

"Have a nice day."

Your dad said have a nice day?

Yup. That's my dad.

EDDIE: So how much is he giving you?

SIMON: I don't like to talk

you know, numbers.

You boys getting enough to eat?

Umm...

You probably think this will spoil my dinner.

You'll eat every bite.

Simon, I'm making your favorite.

Swedish chicken.

Would you like to come for dinner?

Swedish what? What are you guys going to do?

Oh, I don't know. Hey, you got any more of that allowance, dude?

We're gonna hang around here.

NIC: Whoa! All right.

Let's go inside, man.

MARSHALL: I couldn't believe Simon had passed up Swedish chicken

to hang out with Nic and Eddie.

Something was wrong.

MARILYN: Honey, did you write a check you didn't tell me about?

EDGAR: Uh, negative.

Only four more Brussels sprouts, eat.

MARSHALL: I had to find out what was going on with Simon.

But first I had to escape from those Brussels sprouts.

It's funny, only one customer seems to be using Mr. Wilson.

You know, maybe if I came up with one of those catchy slogans for Mr. Wilson,

he would do even more business.

Overdrawn $240.

Where does the money go?

Mom? Hmm?

Can I be excused?

I finished all my Brussels sprouts.

Sure.

Mr. Wilson, he's better than Brussels sprouts.

Nah.

ALL: No. No.

MARSHALL: Good luck Julie and Keifer?

What kind of birthday cake is that?

SIMON: I just got the biggest cake they had.

It was on special.

I'm sorry I ditched you the other day.

Ace's girlfriend wasn't a girl or a lady.

She was lame.

[LAUGHING]

Sound like your mom and dad are having a party.

My mom's not home.

Oh.

So...

Anything new going on with you?

Anything exciting or cool?

Anything...

unusual?

I've been seeing Mr. Wilson.

So that's how you're getting the shoes and the ice cream.

How can Mr. Wilson do that?

You don't have an access code.

You don't even have a bank account.

I don't need one.

He likes me. He can't like you.

He's a machine. No, he's not.

He's my friend.

Wow! Hey...

Yeah!

MARSHALL: It was true.

While I'd been spending time with guys my own age,

Simon and Mr. Wilson had become pals.

Good pals.

Extremely good pals.

BOTH: * One bottle of Beer on the wall

* One bottle of beer

* Take one down, Pass it around

* No bottles of Beer on the wall *

I'd like to get to know you.

Please select another transaction.

How'd you become such good friends?

I could have been anything,

a radar gun,

a garage door opener,

but I wanted to work with people.

Isn't he the greatest?

Simon, please may I suggest a withdrawal?

A boy your day does have expenses, you know.

Simon, I hate to be the one to tell you this,

but we can get in a heap of trouble.

All this money is got to come from somewhere.

Mr. Wilson told me he gets the money from the big slurpee fund,

like all those government guys.

You mean slush fund.

He said just think of it as my allowance.

Simon, please go out and have some fun.

And here's some for your friends too.

MARSHALL: You got to admit,

Mr. Wilson was an easy guy to like.

I'd never held $100 before.

Unfortunately, that's all I could do, hold it.

Some how, spending all that money just didn't feel right.

That didn't stop Simon.

To Simon, money was the answer to all his problems.

Suddenly, he was cooler,

funnier, older.

Not that he spends much on himself.

As far as I could tell,

all he bought was some clothes and that pair of Sky Monsters.

But he sure loved buying stuff

for Eddie and Nic and the others.

Young kids, old kids.

All they had in common is they wanted to be his friend

and spend his money.

Keep it.

Scram.

Hey, Marshall,

checkout my hang time.

MARSHALL: He was flying.

But like they say,

what goes up,

must come down.

Use Hammerin when you want to say

thank God I don't have a headache anymore.

Now, here's tonight's news.

The fire department had its hands full

with two engine blazes today.

Problem is, we only have one engine.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Hello.

Hi.

It's just phenomenal.

Mr. Wilson did upwards of $40,000 in business

over the weekend.

Funny that it's all withdrawals though.

Well...

Somebody out there must like him.

Well, once the people get to know him,

how could they help not fall in love with him?

So, Mr. Wilson is, you know, okay?

Perfecto, garcia.

Yeah, I'll get him. Hold on.

It's Mr. Chisel.

Yes?

Big trouble?

I'll be there is two minute, Mr. Chisel.

MARSHALL: I guess the rule is

if something's too good to be true

then it's probably too good to be true.

The rampant bankruptcy all adds up to one thing,

folks, we're broke.

Busted. Flat outta cash.

Penniless. In the red.

Destitute. Overdrawn.

The well is dry.

MARSHALL: I decided to follow dad.

It was time to find out for myself what exactly was going down.

POLICE: Over a million Simoleans...

Gone.

There's going to be a lot of unhappy bank customers tomorrow morning.

Somebody's gotta pay.

CHISEL: Let me just say that I will co-operate in any way I can.

Thank you Mr. Chisel.

We will probably lock you up for a few nights

on general principle.

I understand.

See ya, Eddie,

I'm leaving Eerie's banking needs in Mr. Wilson's hands.

Stay tough.

Mr. Teller, we'll be embarking on

a very through investigation over the next few days.

Whoever is masterminding this is a genius.

Excuse me?

Don't leave town, Mr. Teller.

MARSHALL: There's trouble and there's trouble.

Eating ice cream before dinner is one thing,

but never had I been in the kind of trouble where they'd

throw my dad in jail.

MR. WILSON: See ya, boss.

Have a nice day.

[SIREN WAILING]

MARSHALL: I had no idea just how friendly Mr. Wilson could get

with other people's money.

The entire town of Eerie was overdrawn.

Even the World O' Stuff was out of stuff.

Everybody was broke.

Everybody but Simon.

James, take these babes shopping.

Hey Simon, we gotta talk.

You guys go ahead.

Bye-bye.

What?

What is it?

We gotta give the money back.

What're you talking about?

You heard Mr. Wilson.

It's all from the flush fund.

Slush fund, Simon.

And it's not from a slush fund.

It's from other people's accounts.

If you're rich, it's because somebody else is poor.

It won't be long before someone figures out where the money went.

The money is just Mr. Wilson's way of being a friend.

I know he's your friend, Simon.

But if that money isn't back by morning,

they're gonna pull the plug on Mr. Wilson.

They're gonna arrest my dad.

Come on.

What's the matter?

I don't know.

I don't want to go back to being regular, old Simon.

I like regular, old Simon.

I mean, look at you.

The way you act.

These clothes.

We used to hate guys like this.

But I got all these new friends now.

No you don't.

Hey, Nic. Huh?

What's this guy's name?

Dude, what, are you kiddin'?

It's my old pal moneybags.

No, really.

What's his real name?

Hey, I don't know.

I forgot too, man.

It slipped my mind.

I'm Simon.

Simon... NIC: That's cool man. I knew it.

MARSHALL: We had no choice but to stuff

and lick a deposit envelope

for every man, woman and child in Eerie.

Simon would never be the same.

Neither will my tongue.

Simon, where have you been?

You know how lonely I get.

We brought you something, Mr. Wilson.

Oh, you shouldn't have.

Well, I've got something for you.

Select a transaction, please.

Deposit?

You made a mistake.

Try again.

No mistake, Mr. Wilson.

We're giving back all the money.

I'm sorry.

Wait Simon, you can't do this to me.

Simon...

Simon...

We're hurting his feelings.

He doesn't have feelings.

Oh, yes, I do.

I thought we were friends.

You don't have to give me money to be your friend.

Wait...

Simon...

Why...are...you...

hurting me... like this?

Simon.

Talk to me, Simon.

* One hundred bottles Of beer on the wall

* One hundred Bottles of beer

* Take one down, Pass it around

* 99 bottles of Beer on the wall *

MARSHALL: It started to make sense.

The more money we put back into Mr. Wilson,

the more he acted like a teller machine,

until almost nothing was left of Simon's friend.

* 98 bottles of Beer on the wall

* Five bottles of beer

SIMON: I hate doing this.

MARSHALL: It probably went back to the very first day.

No one but Simon would treat a teller machine like a real person.

I guess you gotta find friends wherever you can.

I'm not a...machine.

Goodbye, Mr. Wilson.

MARSHALL: Mr. Wilson was never the same after we returned all the money.

Dad called it a short.

I called it a nervous breakdown.

Even though Mr. Chisel was cleared on all counts of bank fraud,

a judge sentenced him to 1,000 hours of community service.

Just in case.

The least I could do was make sure that Simon got to have a real birthday party,

with his name on the cake and everything.

Dad seems a lot happier now.

He says Mr. Wilson was ahead of his time.

And even though Mr. Wilson didn't change the way Eerie did banking,

he did change the way Simon and I thought about stuff.

SIMON: You know what's weird?

MARSHALL: Bedsides Eerie?

They always tell you you can't buy friends.

But I think you can.

You know, guys like Nic and Eddie.

But it's like buying expensive tennis shoes.

They cost way too much

and they don't last very long.

Hmm. Can I use that?

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]