All language subtitles for Bottom S02E01 Digger

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian Download
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:41,908 --> 00:00:45,241 Hello, gentlemen, sorry to have kept you waiting. 2 00:00:45,412 --> 00:00:48,210 Which one of you is Mr Hitler? 3 00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,611 That'll be me. 4 00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:53,275 Any relation? 5 00:00:53,453 --> 00:00:55,387 Well, I've got a mother. 6 00:00:56,389 --> 00:00:59,449 No, no, I meant Adolf Hitler. 7 00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:01,526 Yes, that's her. 8 00:01:03,696 --> 00:01:06,324 How interesting. 9 00:01:12,172 --> 00:01:15,266 Come through to the office. 10 00:01:15,442 --> 00:01:18,343 - Shut up! 11 00:01:18,511 --> 00:01:20,342 Ooh! 12 00:01:20,513 --> 00:01:25,177 We'll start with a little look at your videos, all right? 13 00:01:25,351 --> 00:01:28,809 Can you see all right? 14 00:01:30,223 --> 00:01:32,282 No, that's why I wear glasses. 15 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:41,697 I've got excellent eyesight! Which is remarkable when you think about it! 16 00:01:44,471 --> 00:01:45,802 Right. 17 00:01:45,972 --> 00:01:48,167 Here comes the first video. 18 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:55,312 Is it on? Here we go. 19 00:01:55,482 --> 00:01:58,940 Smooth, suave and sophisticated! You've got it! 20 00:02:00,487 --> 00:02:05,891 Hello, girls! Eddie Hitler here! Come and get it! 21 00:02:07,827 --> 00:02:10,489 Yep, that ought to do it! 22 00:02:11,764 --> 00:02:14,961 Now, what sort of woman are you looking for? 23 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,466 Kim Basinger. 24 00:02:17,604 --> 00:02:20,402 Right. A woman like Kim Basinger. 25 00:02:20,573 --> 00:02:25,567 No, Kim Basinger. The real one. 26 00:02:25,745 --> 00:02:28,270 I'm afraid she's not on our books. 27 00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:31,349 Well, it's not much of a love bureau, is it? 28 00:02:31,518 --> 00:02:36,285 Well, shall we look at yours, then, Mr Richard? 29 00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:44,786 What, here in the office? That's a bit thorough, isn't it? 30 00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:49,326 No, no, no! I meant your video. 31 00:02:49,502 --> 00:02:52,403 Sorry! I'm new to this game. I had loads of birds, 32 00:02:52,572 --> 00:02:56,406 but there was a coach crash last week and I lost 40 of 'em. 33 00:02:56,576 --> 00:03:00,410 Well, let's just have a look at the tape, then, shall we? 34 00:03:00,580 --> 00:03:05,916 Do we have to? It's awful! I hate it! Let's just skip the whole thing! 35 00:03:06,085 --> 00:03:10,852 You'd do. You're a bit raggy around the edges but beggars can't be choosers. 36 00:03:12,091 --> 00:03:15,458 Did I tell you that's a smashing blouse you've got on? 37 00:03:15,628 --> 00:03:18,654 - No. - That's a smashing blouse you've got on! 38 00:03:18,831 --> 00:03:20,924 - Oh, yes? - Er... er... 39 00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:24,331 Help me out. I've exhausted all me chat-up lines. 40 00:03:24,504 --> 00:03:26,995 Why don't we just watch the video? 41 00:03:27,173 --> 00:03:32,873 - Yes, of course. What are we waiting for? - Here it is, then. 42 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:36,071 Hello. 43 00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:37,682 Hello. 44 00:03:37,850 --> 00:03:40,375 Er... 45 00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:42,851 Lovely weather. 46 00:03:44,424 --> 00:03:46,289 I can't see you, obviously, 47 00:03:46,459 --> 00:03:49,826 but I bet you've all got smashing blouses on. 48 00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:58,967 My name's Richard, and I'm looking for a friend. 49 00:04:00,106 --> 00:04:01,869 Well, a lover really. 50 00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:04,509 Failing that, a quick wriggle would do. 51 00:04:04,677 --> 00:04:08,841 And by the way, I am the Duke of Kidderminster and extremely rich! 52 00:04:10,483 --> 00:04:12,314 Oh! 53 00:04:12,485 --> 00:04:14,476 I didn't realise you were nobility! 54 00:04:15,388 --> 00:04:17,618 Nor did I! 55 00:04:17,790 --> 00:04:21,487 Oh, yes, I am an eccentric millionaire, you know. 56 00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:27,631 I'm so inbred, I'm a bit stupid. 57 00:04:29,969 --> 00:04:31,960 We've been inbreeding since the Vikings. 58 00:04:32,138 --> 00:04:36,336 There's no one loopier than the Richards! Bottom fish bananas! 59 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,043 Et cetera! 60 00:04:39,712 --> 00:04:43,307 Well, let's have a look at your forms, then, shall we? 61 00:04:43,483 --> 00:04:48,352 I see. You want someone homely, 62 00:04:48,521 --> 00:04:50,011 with cooking skills, 63 00:04:50,189 --> 00:04:52,555 fun to be with, 64 00:04:52,725 --> 00:04:54,955 and a wazzo pair of jugs? 65 00:04:56,829 --> 00:04:59,627 - That's right. - But obviously, we're flexible. 66 00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:03,257 - But not about the jugs. - We have to be firm on the jugs. 67 00:05:03,436 --> 00:05:06,132 And the jugs have to be very firm. 68 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:10,367 Oh, come off it, Eddie, there must be more to life than jugs! 69 00:05:12,612 --> 00:05:14,580 What? 70 00:05:16,716 --> 00:05:19,241 You're right. A wazzo pair of jugs it is! 71 00:05:20,086 --> 00:05:22,919 Right, well, I've inputted your data. 72 00:05:23,089 --> 00:05:25,580 Ooh! 73 00:05:25,758 --> 00:05:29,319 And I think we've come up with the perfect date. 74 00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:33,124 Lady Natasha Letitia Sarah Jane Wellesley... 75 00:05:33,299 --> 00:05:35,358 ...Obstromsky Ponsonsky 76 00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:40,905 Smythe Smythe Smythe Smythe Smythe Oblomov Boblomov Dob, 77 00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:43,201 3rd Viscomptness of Moldavia! 78 00:05:43,376 --> 00:05:46,436 Sounds great! We'll have half a dozen! 79 00:05:46,612 --> 00:05:49,172 Shut up, Eddie. She sounds marvellous! 80 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:52,876 In fact, oh, I'm in love. 81 00:05:53,052 --> 00:05:55,987 - I'll take her! - There's her phone number, 82 00:05:56,155 --> 00:05:58,089 and the very best of luck! 83 00:05:58,257 --> 00:05:59,781 Thank you very much indeed. 84 00:05:59,959 --> 00:06:02,450 And what have you got for me? 85 00:06:03,062 --> 00:06:04,962 Um... 86 00:06:06,632 --> 00:06:08,361 Sarah Ferguson! 87 00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:14,329 Do you mind? I'm a respectable man! 88 00:06:14,507 --> 00:06:17,476 Come, Richie, let us leave while we still have our dignity. 89 00:06:17,643 --> 00:06:20,544 Sarah Ferguson indeed! 90 00:06:27,253 --> 00:06:29,380 That'll just have to do. 91 00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:32,353 - Now, your name's Jives, got that? - Jives. 92 00:06:32,525 --> 00:06:35,255 You take her coat, curtsy and say, 93 00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:38,226 "Charming evening, ma-a-a'am." 94 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,730 Why have I got to say "ma-a-a'am?" 95 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:43,960 It's just a speech impediment that all butlers have. 96 00:06:44,137 --> 00:06:46,799 Come on! This evening's cost me a lot of money! 97 00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:51,501 I had to sell a kidney to pay for this stuff, so don't mess it up! 98 00:06:51,677 --> 00:06:55,875 I'll soon get another kidney once I've sold off a bit of her property. 99 00:06:56,048 --> 00:06:57,743 Well, I offered them mine. 100 00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:00,784 Well, they're not much use pickled, are they? 101 00:07:00,953 --> 00:07:03,114 Mind you, Sarsons were interested. 102 00:07:03,289 --> 00:07:06,349 I still say we should mug her. 103 00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:11,122 Don't worry. I know what I'm doing. I've got aristocratic blood in me. 104 00:07:11,297 --> 00:07:15,529 They all give blood and I've had loads of transfusions, 105 00:07:15,701 --> 00:07:19,398 so the chances are I've got a lot of nob in me. 106 00:07:22,642 --> 00:07:24,837 I really think this is the one. 107 00:07:25,011 --> 00:07:27,844 Even on the phone, there was an immediate sexual tension. 108 00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:31,074 What, you mean you felt horny and she felt tense? 109 00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:32,774 Yeah! No! 110 00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:35,785 Oh, shut up, Eddie! 111 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:41,158 You're just jealous because you're only a servant. Were you never in love? 112 00:07:41,327 --> 00:07:43,261 Yes, I was actually. 113 00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:48,062 Oh! What was her name? 114 00:07:48,901 --> 00:07:50,266 Harry. 115 00:07:52,672 --> 00:07:54,105 Harry? 116 00:07:54,273 --> 00:07:56,434 Harry Belafonte. 117 00:07:57,510 --> 00:08:00,274 Wait a minute. You were in love with Harry Belafonte? 118 00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:03,642 Well, that's what she said her name was. 119 00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:07,308 She shouted it over her shoulder as she ran away into the night. 120 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,921 Well, let's just forget it, shall we? 121 00:08:10,089 --> 00:08:12,250 That's what SHE said! 122 00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:14,052 Look, let's just drop it! 123 00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:15,956 She said that as well! 124 00:08:16,128 --> 00:08:18,358 Edward Hitler, I'm really not interested! 125 00:08:18,531 --> 00:08:21,762 This is uncanny! Were you there? 126 00:08:21,934 --> 00:08:24,334 - Oh, God, she's here! 127 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,699 Oh, oh, oh, oh! 128 00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:30,206 I'm shaking like a leaf! I need a stiff one! 129 00:08:30,376 --> 00:08:34,540 There'll be plenty of time for that later. Shall I answer the door? 130 00:08:34,714 --> 00:08:37,842 - No, I mean a drink, you fool! - Oh, right! 131 00:08:39,418 --> 00:08:40,885 Thanks, Eddie. 132 00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:45,787 Phew! Whoo! 133 00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:51,762 That's the stuff! What was it? 134 00:08:52,565 --> 00:08:53,930 Tizer. 135 00:08:58,571 --> 00:09:02,371 - Well, it does the trick! I'll have another. - No, steady on, Richie. 136 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:06,603 - All right! Take it easy, you bitch! 137 00:09:06,779 --> 00:09:08,747 I mean, Your Bitchness. 138 00:09:08,915 --> 00:09:12,248 I mean, Lady Bitch. Oh, God! What do you call them? 139 00:09:12,418 --> 00:09:16,115 Jugs. What do you call them? 140 00:09:18,257 --> 00:09:22,557 - Go and answer the door, all right? - Right you are, ma-a-a'am. 141 00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:26,994 I despair! I really do! I'd better prepare myself to receive her! 142 00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,705 Charming evening, Your Ma-a-a'am. 143 00:09:36,876 --> 00:09:39,572 - What are you doing? - Taking your coat. 144 00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:44,614 - I don't want you to take my coat! - I'm under strict instructions 145 00:09:44,784 --> 00:09:46,911 not to let anyone in with their coats on! 146 00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:59,655 - Look, do you wanna come in or not? - No! I'm collecting for the needy. 147 00:09:59,832 --> 00:10:02,494 This is for Victims of Domestic Violence. 148 00:10:04,837 --> 00:10:06,634 Ta very much! 149 00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:16,208 That looks like a nasty one. 150 00:10:16,382 --> 00:10:18,873 Have some yourself, dearie! 151 00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:24,922 Good evening, my dear. What a charming blouse you've got on! 152 00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:32,889 - Where is she?! - False alarm. It was a do-gooder. 153 00:10:33,065 --> 00:10:36,728 - Great! How much did you make? - Looks like about ten quid. 154 00:10:36,902 --> 00:10:39,393 - Oh, great! - Ooh, and a bit of a coat! 155 00:10:39,572 --> 00:10:42,268 Put it with the other bits. You know what they say, 156 00:10:42,441 --> 00:10:46,775 - "Charity begins at home!" - It's where it ends in our house! 157 00:10:50,282 --> 00:10:53,342 Wait, wait, wait, wait! 158 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:58,456 What is this? You haven't even cleaned these bowls out! 159 00:10:58,624 --> 00:11:02,822 This is disgusting! Do I have to do everything myself? What is this stuff? 160 00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:05,555 That's the caviar. 161 00:11:05,731 --> 00:11:09,360 - What? - 200 quids' worth. That's about half a kidney. 162 00:11:11,570 --> 00:11:14,596 Oh, yes, so it is. 163 00:11:14,774 --> 00:11:18,107 They've changed the design a little bit, haven't they? 164 00:11:18,277 --> 00:11:21,440 Very novel and interesting. That'll do. 165 00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:23,605 Have you strained your vegetables? 166 00:11:23,783 --> 00:11:27,412 No, it's just these hired trousers are a bit tight. 167 00:11:27,586 --> 00:11:33,218 Get on with it! You haven't even mashed the potatoes! Where's the potato masher? 168 00:11:33,392 --> 00:11:36,691 Harry "I'll do anything for half a pint" Grundy has it. 169 00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:38,727 Has he still got it? 170 00:11:38,898 --> 00:11:41,924 Yeah, they couldn't get it out of him at the hospital. 171 00:11:42,101 --> 00:11:44,695 - Well, just use your head. - What do you mean? 172 00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:46,201 This. 173 00:11:51,477 --> 00:11:53,741 Ahem! 174 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:12,895 Good evening. 175 00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:14,999 I am Natasha. 176 00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:21,134 I'm sorry I'm late, but there was a dead body on the stairs. 177 00:12:21,307 --> 00:12:23,571 You must be the Duke of Kidderminster. 178 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:27,770 - They told me you were loopy. - No, no, no... 179 00:12:30,549 --> 00:12:34,576 No, my dear, I am His Dukeness. This is merely Jives, my batman. 180 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,813 That's right. I'm Bruce Wayne. 181 00:12:38,557 --> 00:12:40,616 Come on, Eddie, do your stuff. 182 00:12:44,897 --> 00:12:47,991 Charming evening, Your Ma-a-a'am! 183 00:12:50,402 --> 00:12:52,097 Get off! Get off! 184 00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:55,035 She's mine! Get back to the kitchen! 185 00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:06,651 It's so nice to meet genuine aristocracy for a change. 186 00:13:06,819 --> 00:13:09,947 There are so many fakers! 187 00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:12,989 Yes, you're not wrong there, m'dear. 188 00:13:13,159 --> 00:13:15,855 Come through to the polo lounge. 189 00:13:24,103 --> 00:13:25,798 Polo? 190 00:13:28,607 --> 00:13:30,666 Thank you. 191 00:13:31,677 --> 00:13:34,441 - Charming flat! - Do you think so? 192 00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:38,913 Oh, this is just my London pomme de terre. 193 00:13:40,119 --> 00:13:44,283 My castles are scattered all over the place because I never know where I'll be. 194 00:13:44,456 --> 00:13:46,253 Bloody fox hunts go on for ever - 195 00:13:46,425 --> 00:13:49,292 don't know where you're going to end up! Start off in Berk-shire, 196 00:13:49,461 --> 00:13:52,191 end up in Twatshire! 197 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:57,233 Would madam care for a HORS d'oeuvre? 198 00:13:57,403 --> 00:14:00,395 Don't be so foul! Get back to your kitchen! 199 00:14:14,787 --> 00:14:16,277 Ha, ha, ha! 200 00:14:16,455 --> 00:14:19,720 Yes, we only have the one castle in Moldavia, too. 201 00:14:19,892 --> 00:14:21,359 But, oh... 202 00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:24,325 But, oh, oh, oh... 203 00:14:24,496 --> 00:14:26,896 But, but, oh... 204 00:14:27,066 --> 00:14:29,000 Natasha, you are so beautiful! 205 00:14:29,168 --> 00:14:33,832 And, if I may say so, what a charming, smashing blouse you have on. 206 00:14:35,474 --> 00:14:38,739 - It's a dress. - What? Oh, sh... 207 00:14:40,412 --> 00:14:42,243 Well, er... 208 00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:45,280 Eddie... Jives! 209 00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:49,387 - Yes, sir? - What did Shakespeare used to say? 210 00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:52,718 "Hello, my dear, I'm a playwright, you know. Give us a snog!" 211 00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:57,987 No, Eddie! 212 00:14:58,163 --> 00:15:02,725 "Where's my quill? Bloody hell, I bought five yesterday! Where do they all go?!" 213 00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:06,963 Ha, ha, ha! No, really, what was it he used to say? 214 00:15:07,139 --> 00:15:12,202 "It's not crap! There's eight bodies at the end and he has to shag his mum!" 215 00:15:20,252 --> 00:15:23,517 It's on the tip of my tongue. Oh, who cares what he said! 216 00:15:23,689 --> 00:15:26,817 - The git's dead anyway! - He said that, did he? 217 00:15:26,992 --> 00:15:30,928 Yes, he did, actually. Henry the 19th, act four, scene 38. 218 00:15:31,730 --> 00:15:33,391 - A-hem! 219 00:15:34,833 --> 00:15:36,391 Dinner is served! 220 00:15:36,568 --> 00:15:41,528 Eddie, are you mad? We're not at the table yet! Hurry or he'll wolf the lot! 221 00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:50,982 Squashed potatoes? 222 00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:54,210 Very possibly, Eddie, I just sat down too fast. 223 00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:57,211 Squashed potatoes, ma-a-a'am? 224 00:15:58,223 --> 00:16:02,626 Oh, how deliciously aristocratically eccentric! 225 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,626 I love peasant food! 226 00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:08,766 Jives... 227 00:16:08,934 --> 00:16:10,959 Jives! 228 00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:14,105 JIVES! Eddie! 229 00:16:14,273 --> 00:16:16,571 - Yes? - Have you opened the wine yet? 230 00:16:16,742 --> 00:16:18,972 - Yes, I have. - Where is it? 231 00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:22,409 I opened it ages ago. Where do you think it is? Hic! 232 00:16:23,782 --> 00:16:26,273 Oh! And caviar! 233 00:16:26,452 --> 00:16:31,856 Yes! This really is high-class, swanky time. Caviar! I love this stuff! 234 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,760 Eddie! 235 00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:44,465 What actually is caviar? 236 00:16:44,636 --> 00:16:47,298 It's fish poo, Your Highness. 237 00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:55,737 - It's what?! - It's fish poo, Your Dukeness. 238 00:16:55,914 --> 00:17:00,908 It comes out of a very expensive fish's bottom. 239 00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:05,915 I knew the aristocracy were depraved but I didn't think it had got this far. 240 00:17:06,091 --> 00:17:08,719 What's for dessert, peacock's vomit? 241 00:17:10,229 --> 00:17:11,560 Pork? 242 00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:14,931 Eddie, how dare you? 243 00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:18,394 She is my fiancee! 244 00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:21,437 I was only asking her if she wanted a portion! 245 00:17:24,243 --> 00:17:26,734 Excuse us a moment... Eddie! 246 00:17:35,187 --> 00:17:37,712 Let that be a lesson... This isn't right! 247 00:17:46,465 --> 00:17:48,092 Don't let it happen again! 248 00:17:50,702 --> 00:17:53,296 And let that be a lesson to you! 249 00:17:53,472 --> 00:17:57,306 That was delicious! 250 00:17:57,476 --> 00:17:59,637 Oh, you've eaten everything. 251 00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:02,076 Well done! That's very brave. 252 00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:05,542 In that case, it's time to... 253 00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:09,720 Oh... Natasha... 254 00:18:10,689 --> 00:18:12,520 That IS your name, isn't it? 255 00:18:12,691 --> 00:18:14,022 Yes. 256 00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:16,821 Oh, Natasha, 257 00:18:16,995 --> 00:18:19,486 I know it's a bit sudden, but... 258 00:18:20,165 --> 00:18:25,262 ...I love you. I love you with all my heart and all my soul and all my, you know... 259 00:18:26,738 --> 00:18:28,069 ...everything. 260 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,037 I know it's mad and it's crazy, 261 00:18:30,209 --> 00:18:33,474 and I know it's wild even, but... 262 00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:37,548 will you marry me? 263 00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:41,908 - Yes. - You don't have to be like that... Pardon?! 264 00:18:42,888 --> 00:18:45,083 Of course I will marry you, 265 00:18:45,257 --> 00:18:48,158 but not because all my family's assets have been wiped out 266 00:18:48,327 --> 00:18:51,455 in the civil war in Moldavia and we are now penniless! 267 00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:54,963 Never mind about all that now. Did you just say yes? 268 00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,967 - Yes. - Oh! 269 00:18:59,538 --> 00:19:01,836 Er... 270 00:19:05,043 --> 00:19:06,442 Natasha... 271 00:19:06,612 --> 00:19:09,775 ...do you believe in sex before marriage? 272 00:19:09,948 --> 00:19:11,813 Yes. 273 00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:15,986 Would you... Would you practise it? 274 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:17,679 Yes, I would. 275 00:19:20,959 --> 00:19:26,192 Would you sign something to that effect? Just an informal agreement, 276 00:19:26,365 --> 00:19:28,390 but legally binding, obviously. 277 00:19:28,567 --> 00:19:29,966 Sure. 278 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,336 Bloody hell! 279 00:19:36,441 --> 00:19:39,899 Eddie, I think I must be hallucinating! 280 00:19:40,078 --> 00:19:42,410 Well, we'll soon find out. 281 00:19:48,554 --> 00:19:50,886 Now, did that hurt? 282 00:19:51,056 --> 00:19:53,524 - Yes, mightily. - Then you're not hallucinating. 283 00:19:54,393 --> 00:19:56,020 Oh, God! 284 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,924 God, it's actually true! 285 00:19:58,096 --> 00:20:02,192 Tonight's the night! I'm actually gonna... 286 00:20:03,402 --> 00:20:06,337 Oh, God, it's so romantic! 287 00:20:07,739 --> 00:20:11,971 You did definitely say the two of us are definitely going to do it? 288 00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:17,047 Of course, my darling dreamboat. Why, haven't you done it before? 289 00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:20,583 No, never. I mean, yes! Of course! 290 00:20:20,752 --> 00:20:23,084 I do it all the time! 291 00:20:23,255 --> 00:20:25,780 I've already had it off 20 times today! 292 00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:28,893 Have it off, have it off - that's all I do! 293 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:32,997 Are we going to have it off again? All right, then. 294 00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:37,693 I'd better nip upstairs and slip into something more comfortable. 295 00:20:38,604 --> 00:20:43,041 Upstairs, second door on the right. Knock first so you don't catch me in my pants. 296 00:20:44,209 --> 00:20:48,543 You'll soon see everything, so it doesn't matter. I'll get it out now! 297 00:20:48,714 --> 00:20:51,410 No, Richie, don't spoil the atmos! 298 00:20:52,718 --> 00:20:56,017 You're right, Eddie, I've got to think more romantic. 299 00:20:56,188 --> 00:21:01,421 I'll just pop upstairs and scrape off the sheets. 300 00:21:05,197 --> 00:21:07,427 See you in a mo. 301 00:21:08,233 --> 00:21:10,565 In a SEX mo! 302 00:21:14,539 --> 00:21:17,474 This isn't some sort of joke, is it? 303 00:21:17,643 --> 00:21:21,170 No, my love. It is the real thing. 304 00:21:21,980 --> 00:21:24,244 A bient�t! 305 00:21:25,651 --> 00:21:29,417 Bloody hell - a bien toe! 306 00:21:29,588 --> 00:21:32,056 Saucy bitch! 307 00:21:33,425 --> 00:21:36,588 Wait a minute. What's going on here? 308 00:21:36,762 --> 00:21:40,789 To marry that, you'd have to be clinically insane or on the make! 309 00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:42,763 Now, then... 310 00:21:43,602 --> 00:21:45,297 ...which is it? 311 00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:49,873 If you're just here to emotionally cripple Richie, 312 00:21:50,042 --> 00:21:53,478 then that's perfectly OK with me. 313 00:21:53,645 --> 00:21:58,048 I have to marry the first stupidly wealthy aristocrat I can find 314 00:21:58,216 --> 00:22:01,208 or my whole family will be impoverished for ever, 315 00:22:01,386 --> 00:22:03,445 and I so hate poor people! 316 00:22:05,424 --> 00:22:07,255 Well... 317 00:22:07,426 --> 00:22:12,420 if that's the case, I've a few quid flying about the place, you know. 318 00:22:13,298 --> 00:22:14,890 See? 319 00:22:15,067 --> 00:22:19,629 And if it's stupidity you want, no one's more stupid than the Hitlers! 320 00:22:23,141 --> 00:22:28,340 I am tempted, Eddie, but I am already betrothed to another, 321 00:22:28,513 --> 00:22:30,572 but if anything should happen to Richie, 322 00:22:30,749 --> 00:22:36,210 I will be onto you and up your trouser leg like a whippet! 323 00:22:41,093 --> 00:22:47,521 Where did I put that sex manual? Might as well get some practice in before she gets here. 324 00:22:47,699 --> 00:22:51,157 Here we go. Page one. 325 00:22:51,336 --> 00:22:53,930 "For-re-play." 326 00:22:55,107 --> 00:22:56,734 Here we go. 327 00:23:04,549 --> 00:23:07,814 15 minutes. 328 00:23:12,290 --> 00:23:14,884 Not much in it for me, is there? 329 00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:17,426 Must be a misprint. Must mean seconds! 330 00:23:17,596 --> 00:23:19,029 Right, that's that... 331 00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:22,666 Bloody hell! 332 00:23:22,834 --> 00:23:25,132 Things are hotting up now! 333 00:23:25,303 --> 00:23:28,295 I don't think I've got time to grow a beard. 334 00:23:30,909 --> 00:23:32,774 Hang on... 335 00:23:37,215 --> 00:23:39,206 ...that's not a beard! 336 00:23:40,986 --> 00:23:44,615 "Ugh! I hope he's cleaned his teeth! 337 00:23:46,057 --> 00:23:49,652 Right, here we go, then. One leg there, 338 00:23:49,828 --> 00:23:53,127 and her leg around here... 339 00:23:56,668 --> 00:23:59,364 Richie, my darling, are you ready yet? 340 00:23:59,538 --> 00:24:02,029 Er, hang on a moment, 341 00:24:02,207 --> 00:24:05,233 I think I've got to change my pyjama bottoms! 342 00:24:06,077 --> 00:24:10,878 What? Oh, you silly boy, you won't need pyjamas, my darling, 343 00:24:11,049 --> 00:24:13,574 not unless you want to tie me up! 344 00:24:20,992 --> 00:24:24,052 I'm sorry, I've forgotten how to talk! 345 00:24:24,229 --> 00:24:26,356 Come in. Come in. 346 00:24:26,531 --> 00:24:27,862 Oh! 347 00:24:28,033 --> 00:24:32,129 This is a very sexy room! 348 00:24:32,304 --> 00:24:36,104 I bet you've been naughty in here a few times! 349 00:24:36,274 --> 00:24:40,973 You're not wrong there. Swearing, doodling on the walls, 350 00:24:41,146 --> 00:24:44,638 flicking the Vs out of the window more times than I care to remember! 351 00:24:45,684 --> 00:24:48,118 And are you going to be naughty now? 352 00:24:49,788 --> 00:24:52,882 Medically, the chances are against it. 353 00:24:53,058 --> 00:24:58,963 I thought that we could just sit and chat for a couple of hours and... 354 00:24:59,130 --> 00:25:03,829 Eskimos are very interesting people, aren't they? 355 00:25:04,002 --> 00:25:08,564 I've always thought it fortunate that there isn't an animal called an "ig", 356 00:25:08,740 --> 00:25:11,800 because he'd go to the toilet in their houses. 357 00:25:14,746 --> 00:25:16,577 Have you ever thought that? 358 00:25:19,818 --> 00:25:23,686 Apparently not. We're going to have to put some practice in! 359 00:25:23,855 --> 00:25:26,619 Your tongue slipped into my mouth just then! 360 00:25:27,726 --> 00:25:30,024 Unzip me! 361 00:25:37,469 --> 00:25:39,300 Come on, come on! 362 00:26:04,996 --> 00:26:07,157 Come on, then, big boy. 363 00:26:07,332 --> 00:26:09,300 Who? Where? 364 00:26:09,467 --> 00:26:11,867 Oh! It was a joke! 365 00:26:12,037 --> 00:26:15,495 Come on! I want you! 366 00:26:16,908 --> 00:26:20,207 This is it! It's going to happen! 367 00:26:47,038 --> 00:26:49,370 It's a very pretty colour, this ambulance! 368 00:26:51,476 --> 00:26:55,776 Hey... That was a bit of a close thing, wasn't it, Richie? 369 00:26:55,947 --> 00:26:58,142 You're telling me! 370 00:26:58,316 --> 00:27:00,375 I was within two feet of it. 371 00:27:00,552 --> 00:27:02,349 She was lying in my bed 372 00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:06,923 completely naked, saying, "Come on, Richie, do it to me." 373 00:27:07,092 --> 00:27:10,425 - Tell you what, Eddie... - What? 374 00:27:10,595 --> 00:27:13,962 - I reckon I could have had her. - Really? 375 00:27:14,132 --> 00:27:18,865 If my stupid ticker hadn't given out, she could have had my cherry. 376 00:27:19,037 --> 00:27:22,165 Well, don't you worry, Richie, 377 00:27:22,340 --> 00:27:24,604 she was crap anyway. 378 00:27:25,543 --> 00:27:28,103 What? 379 00:27:30,015 --> 00:27:31,812 Yeah, well... 380 00:27:31,983 --> 00:27:36,477 we got bored waiting for the ambulance to turn up. 381 00:27:36,655 --> 00:27:40,352 Can you believe it? Five hours! 382 00:27:40,525 --> 00:27:42,550 I was totally exhausted! 383 00:27:42,727 --> 00:27:44,820 What?! 384 00:27:44,996 --> 00:27:48,227 And by the way, it wasn't your heart, no. 385 00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:51,665 You know that cheap surgeon I arranged for the kidney job? 386 00:27:51,836 --> 00:27:54,168 - Yeah. - Apparently, 387 00:27:54,339 --> 00:27:57,706 he wired your kidney and your bladder back to front 388 00:27:57,876 --> 00:27:59,571 and the whole system backfired. 389 00:28:01,046 --> 00:28:03,037 - Eddie. - What? 390 00:28:03,214 --> 00:28:07,173 - Pass the heart resuscitator. - All right, then. 391 00:28:08,386 --> 00:28:10,616 There you go. 392 00:28:10,789 --> 00:28:12,620 Feeling poorly again, are you? 393 00:28:12,791 --> 00:28:14,986 No, you are! 29599

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.