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1
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:51,141
Right.
2
00:00:51,284 --> 00:00:55,812
I'll bet another week's worth of washing up.
3
00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,891
I'll see your week's washing up...
4
00:01:02,095 --> 00:01:06,862
...and I'll raise you four trips to the launderette,
5
00:01:07,667 --> 00:01:10,602
3p in real money...
6
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:19,837
...and one cleaning and disinfecting
right round the back of the lavatory bowl.
7
00:01:23,950 --> 00:01:26,885
- Well, that's cleaned me out.
- Right, what have you got ?
8
00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:28,920
Right.
9
00:01:29,055 --> 00:01:31,182
Three pairs !
10
00:01:31,324 --> 00:01:34,293
What d'you mean three pairs?
You're only allowed five cards !
11
00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:36,418
Oh Shit...
12
00:01:36,563 --> 00:01:39,327
Er, two pairs. Well, two and a half pairs.
13
00:01:39,466 --> 00:01:41,991
Stand up.
14
00:01:42,135 --> 00:01:44,126
- No.
- Come on.
- I can't, I've got a hernia.
- No, you haven't.
15
00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:45,828
I have, it's all the excitement just gave me a hernia.
16
00:01:45,972 --> 00:01:50,204
- Look, stand up or I will give you a hernia!
- All right, all right.
- Cards.
17
00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:54,276
- Shoes.
- Oh don't be ridiculous, I haven't got a-
18
00:01:54,414 --> 00:01:57,110
You have, I saw you fold them up and put them in there.
19
00:01:59,319 --> 00:02:02,288
- Underpants.
- Oh Eddie, those are my best ones!
20
00:02:02,422 --> 00:02:06,085
Look, I'm not angry. It's just we're playing
with a deck of 12 cards here.
21
00:02:07,393 --> 00:02:09,554
All right.
22
00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:16,862
Right. Let's get on with the game.
23
00:02:17,003 --> 00:02:19,062
Right. What have you got?
24
00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:23,972
Five kings.
25
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:30,480
- Damn ! You get me every time !
- Hahaaaaa! Come here my little beauties,
26
00:02:30,617 --> 00:02:31,948
Let's see what we got then.
27
00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:34,918
A signed photo of Sue Carpenter.
28
00:02:35,054 --> 00:02:38,990
Ooh, and a chinese burn. I think I'll have that now !
29
00:02:39,125 --> 00:02:42,151
One of these days I'm going to learn the rules for that game
mate, then you'll really be for it.
30
00:02:46,966 --> 00:02:49,935
- Well who on earth can that be at this time of day?
- Well I'm not expecting anyone.
31
00:02:50,069 --> 00:02:53,505
- Well, nor am I.
- Well, it must be for someone else then.
32
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:55,301
- Yeah
- Right, another game ?
- You bet !
33
00:02:55,441 --> 00:02:59,172
- Seven card stud or Crazy Eights?
- Makes no difference to me mate, I don't know the rules.
34
00:02:59,312 --> 00:03:02,338
- Right, 'one card slam' it is then.
- Okey-doke.
35
00:03:02,482 --> 00:03:04,609
[Gasps] Twelve quid !
36
00:03:06,986 --> 00:03:10,752
Bloody hell ! No wonder they always shoot
each other on those river boats !
37
00:03:10,890 --> 00:03:13,188
Oh God, it's him! He's breaking my concentration.
38
00:03:13,326 --> 00:03:16,818
- Answer the door Eddie, this man's costing me a fortune!
- I don't have to, mate.
39
00:03:16,963 --> 00:03:19,454
Not for the next six years !
40
00:03:19,599 --> 00:03:22,534
- All right, I'm coming !
41
00:03:22,669 --> 00:03:24,933
- All right, all right !
42
00:03:25,071 --> 00:03:27,835
Who do you think I am, Speedy Gonzales ?
43
00:03:27,974 --> 00:03:32,934
Right, that's enough of that !
That's my electricity, you know. I'm not the Aga Khan !
44
00:03:33,079 --> 00:03:35,946
Oh Cripes ! It's the gas man !
45
00:03:36,082 --> 00:03:39,074
Hello, I wonder if I could just read your meter?
46
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,777
HELLO, MR GAS MAN !
47
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:42,751
- Er, yes, hello.
- You what ?
48
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:44,652
Hello, Mr Gas Man !
49
00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:47,487
- Er, yes, hello again. I wonder if I could just read your me-
- Mr who ?
50
00:03:47,627 --> 00:03:49,356
GAS MAN ! GAS MAN ! GAS MAN !
51
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:56,198
Do you have someone who looks after you ?
52
00:03:56,336 --> 00:04:00,636
Could I see them,
because I need to read your meter ?
53
00:04:00,773 --> 00:04:03,105
- Who is it, darling ?
- IT'S THE GAS MAN !
54
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:08,112
- Um, yes, I think we've established that.
- Well, don't leave him out in the cold, dreamboat.
55
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,079
Show him in.
56
00:04:10,216 --> 00:04:12,150
Thank you.
57
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,619
Oohh, it's nice and warm in here.
58
00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:19,020
Right, I'll just have a look at your meter if I may.
59
00:04:19,158 --> 00:04:22,025
Ah yes, here's the little fella.
60
00:04:23,563 --> 00:04:26,225
Oh, you don't want to look at that mate, it's very boring.
61
00:04:26,366 --> 00:04:29,130
I had a look at it once and fell into a coma.
62
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:33,399
Well, actually that's where you're wrong. Because the ones
on this street are particularly interesting.
63
00:04:33,539 --> 00:04:36,667
Oh, really? Why's that then?
64
00:04:36,809 --> 00:04:42,008
Well, there's been a complaint from someone in this street that
they're paying too much for their gas.
65
00:04:42,148 --> 00:04:47,279
We've got to check all the meters
in this street and make sure everything's OK.
66
00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:51,724
Hahaahaaahahahaaahaaaha! Have you checked next door yet ?
67
00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:54,383
No, they're next.
68
00:04:54,527 --> 00:04:58,793
That is if I don't knock off before I get to him.
69
00:04:58,931 --> 00:05:02,526
Ahh, it's, eh, quarter to six now,
70
00:05:02,669 --> 00:05:05,968
so if it takes me 15 minutes to do this one,
71
00:05:06,105 --> 00:05:09,632
I probably won't get to 'em
before tomorrow morning.
72
00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:14,240
That's odd !
73
00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:17,247
What? Is there some sort of problem, officer ?
74
00:05:19,385 --> 00:05:19,976
No, it's just a strange reading.
75
00:05:20,119 --> 00:05:22,087
Really? What does it say ?
76
00:05:22,221 --> 00:05:26,385
Nought, nought, nought, nought...
nought, nought, nought !
77
00:05:26,526 --> 00:05:30,326
Yep. That'd be right.
78
00:05:30,463 --> 00:05:32,590
Haha. We don't use gas, do we, Eddie ?
79
00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:37,032
- I don't even know what it is mate. What is gas?
- All right, all right, don't spoil it.
80
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:40,628
So how do you keep it so warm in here then?
81
00:05:40,773 --> 00:05:42,900
We, we make love.
82
00:05:44,944 --> 00:05:48,675
No, no, no- not together, you understand. On
our own. Err..
83
00:05:51,484 --> 00:05:53,611
That's very interesting.
84
00:05:53,753 --> 00:05:56,187
Takes all sorts, don't it ?
85
00:05:56,322 --> 00:05:59,018
Right, I think I'll be on my way then.
86
00:05:59,158 --> 00:06:00,785
No ! No !
87
00:06:00,927 --> 00:06:03,191
- Wait !
- What is it ?
88
00:06:04,664 --> 00:06:07,258
Do you want a cup of tea ?
89
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:10,130
Tea ? Er, no, I don't think I will, thank you very much.
90
00:06:10,269 --> 00:06:12,794
You must! You must! You must drink our tea!
91
00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:17,239
It's the best tea in London !
Sit down and drink it for about 12 minutes.
92
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,845
Right, eh yes, I'd love a cup of tea, thank you very much.
93
00:06:22,849 --> 00:06:26,114
Right, I'll put the kettle on, then.
94
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:32,882
- Eh, put the kettle on?
- Put the kettle on... the floor.
95
00:06:34,026 --> 00:06:38,395
'Cause we won't be needing that
because we don't use gas.
96
00:06:39,699 --> 00:06:42,691
Ah, hah, how do we usually make the tea?
97
00:06:45,204 --> 00:06:50,267
Er, we usually... use the water... from the hot tap. Don't we?
98
00:06:51,811 --> 00:06:57,113
Yeah, that's what we do.
Funny the things you forget, eh ?
99
00:07:06,325 --> 00:07:09,294
Nice trousers.
100
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:12,921
They remind me of a story I know.
101
00:07:13,065 --> 00:07:16,626
A long story. Lasts about 15 minutes.
102
00:07:20,039 --> 00:07:22,337
Erm, once upon a time...
103
00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:26,878
...there was a big forest.
104
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:31,143
In the middle of the forest, there lived...
105
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,275
...some trousers...
106
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,481
...called Dave.
107
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:42,325
Er, well come along Eddie! We're dying
for some some lovely cups of refreshing tea !
108
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,089
Is your water heated by a gas boiler then?
109
00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:49,691
Yep. Er, no, it isn't. Er,
because we don't use gas, er
110
00:07:49,836 --> 00:07:52,327
because we don't know what it is.
111
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,940
Then why are you using the hot tap then?
112
00:07:55,074 --> 00:07:57,907
We get the cold water from the hot tap.
113
00:07:58,044 --> 00:08:00,410
We get the cold water from the hot tap. That way we save wear
and tear on the cold tap.
114
00:08:00,546 --> 00:08:02,776
Em, how d'you heat the water for the tea then?
115
00:08:02,915 --> 00:08:06,749
We don't. We have it cold, don't we, Eddie ?
116
00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:11,287
Yes, that's right. We have it cold...?
117
00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:16,760
- But your pilot light seems to be on!
- Is it? Oh my God, it's caught fire!
118
00:08:16,896 --> 00:08:18,761
That was a close one, wasn't it ?
119
00:08:18,898 --> 00:08:21,799
Here we go, then.
120
00:08:21,934 --> 00:08:25,392
Three mugs of steaming cold tea !
121
00:08:27,139 --> 00:08:30,131
Better drink it before it gets warm.
122
00:08:30,276 --> 00:08:34,144
Well, cheerio, then ! This is the best tea in London !
123
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:37,739
Mmm !
124
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:51,594
Mmm, lovely. Well come on Eddie, you're not drinking yours.
125
00:08:52,765 --> 00:08:55,962
Yes, I know, I'm watching you enjoying yours.
126
00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:58,969
Well come on, do your fair share you bastard! And you!
127
00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:02,871
- Er, no, I don't think I'll bother if you don't mind.
- Yes, bloody hell, I drank mine! Look, it's not fair!
128
00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:07,378
- Er, no, I think I'll be on me way.
- You won't, you'll sit down there! You'll sit down there and
drink your tea!
129
00:09:07,513 --> 00:09:10,277
Come on. All of it ! Now !
130
00:09:18,858 --> 00:09:20,348
Urgh! Eh, thank you very much. Lovely.
131
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:24,654
Right, er, I'll just be on me way then.
132
00:09:24,797 --> 00:09:27,664
- No! You can't go.
- Oh? Why not ?
133
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:30,963
- Because I love you !
- What ?
134
00:09:31,103 --> 00:09:34,595
I love you and I can't live without you.
At least, not for the not for the next eight minutes !
135
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:38,005
- Right, that's it. I'm off !
- You stay where you are, mate !
136
00:09:38,144 --> 00:09:40,942
- No, I'm afraid I'm on my way now.
- You're not going anywhere !
137
00:10:08,641 --> 00:10:10,905
You're not going anywhere, mate !
138
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:15,604
Mate ? Mate ?
139
00:10:16,882 --> 00:10:19,077
Eddie, you've killed him !
140
00:10:22,088 --> 00:10:23,988
I never touched him !
141
00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:27,422
Yeah, but the frying pan did, didn't it, and you were touching
that at the time!
142
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:30,495
Bollocks, you killed him. He was dead
before he hit the ground.
143
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,827
Well then why did you keep hitting him with the frying pan?
144
00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:35,593
For fun.
145
00:10:35,735 --> 00:10:38,397
Oh God ! What are we going to do ?
146
00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:43,601
About 25 years, I think !
147
00:10:43,743 --> 00:10:45,574
No, rubbish ! It was an accident.
148
00:10:45,711 --> 00:10:48,179
He, he fell over on his way to the door.
149
00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:52,683
That's right! And banged himself repeatedly
over the head with a frying pan.
150
00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:55,378
You're right... We're done for !
151
00:10:55,521 --> 00:10:56,954
Wake up, you bastard !
152
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:03,291
- Calm down !
- I am calm !
153
00:11:03,429 --> 00:11:06,660
ARRGH ! YOU BASTARD !
154
00:11:07,733 --> 00:11:10,327
Calm down, you hysterical girl's blouse !
155
00:11:10,469 --> 00:11:12,767
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay. Oh God.
156
00:11:12,905 --> 00:11:17,399
- Oh God, this is real.
- That's right. So we've got to be sensible.
157
00:11:17,543 --> 00:11:22,503
Sensible... Let's eat him. No, sorry, stupid idea.
158
00:11:22,648 --> 00:11:25,913
We're not allowed to use the gas, are we?.
159
00:11:26,052 --> 00:11:29,544
Hey! Maybe he's not dead. Maybe he's just stunned.
Why don't you give him the kiss of life ?
160
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:30,951
Yeah !
161
00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:34,548
No, I will not, you sad pervy !
162
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:39,563
We've got a dead body in the house
and your first idea is to sexually assault it!
163
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:43,897
Ah, come on! You've always wanted to find out
what snogging's really like !
164
00:11:53,779 --> 00:11:55,804
Alright.
165
00:12:01,087 --> 00:12:04,181
Look, just hold his nose, yank his mouth open and and blow
a load of air into his lungs.
166
00:12:04,323 --> 00:12:08,316
Well that doesn't sound very romantic Eddie.
Good grief, it's no wonder you're still single !
167
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:11,658
- Get out of the way, I'll do it.
- Get off, get off! He's my bird ! D'you want a fight about it ?
168
00:12:12,431 --> 00:12:15,889
- Well get on with it then!
- All right, I am !
169
00:12:19,505 --> 00:12:23,635
Aw, get out of the way, I'll give him a go with this !
Put the end in his mouth.
170
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:30,847
How's he looking ?
171
00:12:30,983 --> 00:12:33,178
Fatter.
172
00:12:33,319 --> 00:12:35,219
Mind you, the colour's come back to his cheeks.
173
00:12:35,354 --> 00:12:39,916
Yeah, but it shouldn't be bright purple.
Oh, this isn't going to work !
174
00:12:45,531 --> 00:12:47,556
Is he related to you ?
175
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:50,464
- Hang on, I've had a better idea !
- No !
176
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,537
No, Eddie, no !
177
00:12:52,671 --> 00:12:56,732
Have you no shame ? No, it's not natural !
178
00:12:56,876 --> 00:13:00,107
Ah, besides which, I've got to do the washing up in those later.
179
00:13:02,648 --> 00:13:05,583
- Oh, that's what you're doing ! I thought it was- er, no.
- Right...
180
00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:07,686
Open his shirt.
181
00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:12,120
Right. [To the Gasman.] I'm just going to undo your zip.
It's nothing sexy ! it's actually quite good for you.
182
00:13:12,258 --> 00:13:15,056
So you lie back and relax.
183
00:13:15,194 --> 00:13:17,185
Well, that's what you're doing anyway isn't it hahaaahaa!
184
00:13:17,329 --> 00:13:20,025
Oh, get out of the way, I'll do it. Here, hold these.
185
00:13:25,704 --> 00:13:30,767
Right, give me the electrodes back. Look, stop dancing ! He's not impressed you know.
Stop messing about !
186
00:13:32,244 --> 00:13:34,838
- Phwoar !
- Right, here goes.
187
00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:47,583
Nope, it's no good. He's dead.
188
00:13:50,596 --> 00:13:53,759
- Well, how are we going to get rid of the body?
- Well...
189
00:13:53,899 --> 00:13:55,867
I'm still all in favour of eating him.
190
00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:59,698
- I mean, it doesn't matter about the gas problem, we could have him cold.
- I don't like the look of him.
191
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,933
Well that's not a problem - we'll sellotape a picture
of Sue Carpenter over his face.
192
00:14:03,075 --> 00:14:05,703
You'd soon tuck in then, wouldn't you!
I know I would.
193
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,676
All right, here you go then.
194
00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:12,973
Ah great. Here we go.
Oh God, there's so much to choose from isn't there?
195
00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:22,792
Hey, wait a minute! I've got a better idea !
We don't have to eat him.
196
00:14:22,928 --> 00:14:26,091
We'll get someone else to eat him for us !
197
00:14:29,268 --> 00:14:30,997
Great, he's still open.
198
00:14:31,136 --> 00:14:34,469
Hello, Amal, how's the kebab business ?
199
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:39,442
Yeah, yeah, yeah alright, I don't want a conversation about it.
It was just an English pleasantry.
200
00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:42,012
Well how are you off for meat ?
201
00:14:42,147 --> 00:14:43,705
Yeah? Well bugger you then!
202
00:14:43,849 --> 00:14:46,841
DDamn! No good - he said his Alsatian got run over this morning
203
00:14:46,986 --> 00:14:50,820
so he's all right for meat
for the rest of the week !
204
00:14:50,956 --> 00:14:53,117
What are we going to do with the body ?
205
00:14:53,259 --> 00:14:54,658
What body ?
206
00:14:54,793 --> 00:14:57,762
Eddie, that is absolutely...hwoop!
207
00:15:00,299 --> 00:15:02,062
...pathetic !
208
00:15:02,201 --> 00:15:05,637
- Yeah, well it's early days. We've got to flatten it out a bit.
- Oh right.
209
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:15,908
That's not bad, actually ! That's pretty good. You know, I think
we're going to get away with this !
210
00:15:16,048 --> 00:15:18,778
- Right, I'll pretend to be a policeman.
- Okey-doke.
211
00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:24,878
Hello, hello, hello. What's that
dead body doing under the carpet ?
212
00:15:26,191 --> 00:15:30,491
- Damn! Hoh.
- Hey! I've just had an idea !
Why don't we stick him on a bus ?
213
00:15:30,629 --> 00:15:34,065
Yeah! No, no good, the conductor would notice
when he didn't pay his fare.
214
00:15:34,199 --> 00:15:38,636
- No no, why don't we stick him ON a bus?
- Because the conductor would notice when he didn't pay his fare.
215
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,432
I mean on the roof !
216
00:15:40,572 --> 00:15:44,372
Urgggggh. You don't get conductors on the roof !
217
00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:47,604
Exactly. That's what makes the plan so flawless !
218
00:15:47,746 --> 00:15:50,874
Nobody'll find him 'til he gets to the depot
and even then they won't know where he's come from.
219
00:15:51,016 --> 00:15:55,919
Yeah! Well, not unless they look in his pocket-book
and see that the last job he had today was here. Oh, er-
220
00:15:56,055 --> 00:16:00,424
Well, that's no problem. Oh look, he's got a fiver here.
That should come in handy !
221
00:16:00,592 --> 00:16:03,220
Right, then, where are we ?
222
00:16:03,362 --> 00:16:05,887
Ah, here we are. Right...
223
00:16:06,031 --> 00:16:10,229
"No problem with the meter in this flat.
224
00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:14,863
"Don't check for another three...
225
00:16:15,007 --> 00:16:17,305
"...hundred years.
226
00:16:18,610 --> 00:16:24,048
"Nice people, especially
the bloke with the glasses
227
00:16:24,183 --> 00:16:27,812
"who wasn't holding a frying pan.
228
00:16:29,788 --> 00:16:33,918
- Er, "Nice atmos altogether, really."
- All right, Dickens. Get on with it !
229
00:16:34,059 --> 00:16:37,119
"Left in high spirits...
230
00:16:38,797 --> 00:16:42,528
"to indulge in my hobby...
231
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:45,569
"...of bus-surfing."
232
00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:49,006
Ooh, quick, Eddie, there's one at the lights!
233
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:03,045
One... two... three...
234
00:17:04,656 --> 00:17:07,284
Bloody hell, my head !
235
00:17:09,395 --> 00:17:11,727
Argh, argh, where am I ? What happened ?
236
00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:19,564
- You banged your head on the frying pan Eddie was holding.
- Several times.
237
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:22,265
And then you tried to throw yourself out of the window.
238
00:17:22,408 --> 00:17:24,933
Oh God, it's the loony! Let me out of here!
239
00:17:25,077 --> 00:17:29,571
Yes, you've got no time to go next door now.
You'd better knock off straight away.
You'd better get home to your wife.
240
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:35,711
- Right, yes... I haven't got a wife !
- That'll be the amnesia, mate.
241
00:17:35,854 --> 00:17:38,550
- Right, yes, er, er, I wonder where I live?
- Yes.
- Aaagh.
242
00:17:43,695 --> 00:17:46,755
You stupid bastard !
I knew you'd get us into trouble !
243
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:51,336
- He looked all right to me.
- I'm not talking about him, I'm talking about nicking
next door's gas supply.
244
00:17:51,470 --> 00:17:52,994
What time is it now ?
245
00:17:53,138 --> 00:17:56,699
Erm, big hand is a- quarter past six.
246
00:17:56,842 --> 00:18:01,211
Is it? Right, that means we've got until nine o'clock
tomorrow morning which is er, err, er-
247
00:18:01,346 --> 00:18:03,837
Phwor, that's a difficult one, isn't it ?
248
00:18:03,982 --> 00:18:08,146
- Five it's- er, er-
- There's a five in it. No...
No, four hours twenty-seven minutes.
249
00:18:08,287 --> 00:18:12,383
Is it? Oh yes, that's right, I was just about to say that.
That means we've got four hours and twenty-seven minutes to get in
250
00:18:12,524 --> 00:18:15,789
next door and remove that illegal gas pipeline
that we connected to next door's mains, right?
251
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:19,625
I'll keep him talking and you go into the
kitchen and do all the dangerous stuff, okay?
252
00:18:20,966 --> 00:18:22,934
That sounds just a trifle unfair to me.
253
00:18:23,068 --> 00:18:25,036
Haahhhh, that's the spirit! Have you got the wrench?
254
00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:28,571
No, it's just my underpants are a bit tight.
255
00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:41,217
No Eddie, no! No, no! There's no time for merriment!
256
00:18:41,353 --> 00:18:45,153
- We've got to get in and do a job, matey! Okay?
- OK.
257
00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:48,885
Right. Come on, let's hasten to the neighbour's.
Shouldn't be any problem.
258
00:18:49,027 --> 00:18:50,688
- He's a nice enough man.
- Now that's true!
259
00:18:53,365 --> 00:18:55,959
- Evening, Mr Rottweiler !
- What is it ?
260
00:18:56,101 --> 00:18:57,432
Just a friendly visit. May we come in?
261
00:18:57,569 --> 00:19:01,835
- Bugger off, I've got a bird upstairs!
- But we've brought you round.. half a bottle of sherry.
262
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:04,101
Ta very much. Anything else ?
263
00:19:04,243 --> 00:19:08,111
- Who is it, darling ?
- Them bastards from next door !
264
00:19:08,247 --> 00:19:12,308
- I won't be a tick.
- Have you got a real woman in there ?
265
00:19:12,451 --> 00:19:15,181
- Cor! Can we have a look?
- Sod off !
266
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:18,517
- Oh no, go on, go on, just a peek.
- Do you mind if I get my camera ?
267
00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:20,591
Look, don't make me angry!
268
00:19:20,726 --> 00:19:25,993
Something very special's happened
to me. I'm in love ! It's the real thing.
269
00:19:26,131 --> 00:19:30,500
So I don't want you two jerks coming round
messing things up, d'you understand?
270
00:19:30,636 --> 00:19:35,300
If I see either of you again tonight, I'll kill yer !
271
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:48,077
- What ?!
- Shut my fingers in the door.
272
00:19:49,054 --> 00:19:51,181
Agh !
273
00:20:03,569 --> 00:20:06,037
Keep your head down !
274
00:20:07,072 --> 00:20:09,267
What ?
275
00:20:12,744 --> 00:20:15,008
Keep your head down !
276
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:16,637
Pardon ?
277
00:20:16,782 --> 00:20:18,716
It doesn't matter !
278
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:32,090
What ?
279
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,529
It doesn't matter !
280
00:20:34,666 --> 00:20:37,567
- What doesn't matter ?
- What I just said !
281
00:20:37,703 --> 00:20:39,864
- What did you just say ?
- It doesn't matter !
282
00:20:40,005 --> 00:20:41,597
No, no, I heard that. Before that.
283
00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:44,868
- I was just telling you to keep your head down.
- Oh !
284
00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:48,103
I know that !
285
00:20:59,358 --> 00:21:01,189
Arsehole !
286
00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:03,624
I heard that !
287
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:09,363
- Bloody Nora !
- Shut up !
288
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:13,970
They're having it off !
289
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:16,631
I'll be right over !
290
00:21:18,477 --> 00:21:21,378
Bloody hell !
291
00:21:21,513 --> 00:21:25,279
You see, I told you, you do do it like that.
292
00:21:25,417 --> 00:21:28,215
God ! Who'd have thought it ?
293
00:21:28,353 --> 00:21:32,153
- Shove over. I can't see. I can
only see one nipple !
- Careful
- Move over.
294
00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:35,089
- I want to see some more !
- Careful !
- Arh, look, arrrgh! Arrghhh! Hoooo-oop!
295
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:44,361
Get one shot.
296
00:21:48,173 --> 00:21:52,405
Now, according to my calculations, Rottweiler's
kitchen should be just about here.
297
00:21:52,544 --> 00:21:54,705
- Nn-yeah.
- So, I make a little hole,
298
00:21:54,846 --> 00:21:59,044
you squeeze through,
fix the gas and slip out through the front door
while I replace the bricks.
299
00:21:59,184 --> 00:22:02,347
- I mean, what could be simpler than that ?
- Absolutely nothing !
300
00:22:02,487 --> 00:22:06,321
You're right. And absolutely nothing can go wrong !
Right, just take out a couple of bricks here-ish.
301
00:22:06,458 --> 00:22:08,824
Okey-dokey matey!
302
00:22:15,534 --> 00:22:17,627
- Despair not !
- Despair what ?
303
00:22:17,769 --> 00:22:21,136
Faint heart ne'er won fair maid !
304
00:22:22,574 --> 00:22:25,475
You talk an incredible amount of bollocks, don't you!
305
00:22:25,610 --> 00:22:27,874
Come on ! Ssh !
306
00:22:28,847 --> 00:22:32,578
- Shut up, shut up! Come on. Shhh, shh sh shh.
You go into the kitchen, I'll tidy up in here.
- Okey-dokey !
307
00:22:33,618 --> 00:22:37,486
- Mind the squeaky board !
308
00:22:37,622 --> 00:22:39,385
- That one ?
309
00:22:39,524 --> 00:22:41,856
- That's the one.
- OK.
310
00:22:45,163 --> 00:22:47,290
Me, too !
310
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:11,000
There. Oh no! Hah!
311
00:24:00,705 --> 00:24:04,698
- How are you doing, Eddie ?
- Very well, thank you.
312
00:24:04,843 --> 00:24:07,676
How much longer are you going to be ?
313
00:24:07,813 --> 00:24:09,576
Oh, quite a while.
314
00:24:09,714 --> 00:24:13,206
I'll just, er, tidy things up in here.
315
00:24:40,445 --> 00:24:42,538
No, no, no no no!
316
00:25:17,649 --> 00:25:20,049
Right, time for a bit of work.
317
00:25:37,435 --> 00:25:39,403
Sssh !
318
00:25:55,253 --> 00:25:57,687
No one would ever know !
319
00:26:09,434 --> 00:26:11,698
Richie !
320
00:26:11,836 --> 00:26:13,827
Sssssh !
321
00:26:13,972 --> 00:26:15,837
Richie !
322
00:26:17,542 --> 00:26:19,635
Why didn't we just pay our gas bill ?
323
00:26:19,778 --> 00:26:23,236
- Riichiiiee! Richie!
- Shut up !
324
00:26:28,420 --> 00:26:31,878
Ooh, you really made the earth move,
you sex monster !
325
00:26:32,023 --> 00:26:36,722
Come on ! Let's do it some more,
you raunchy love handle !
326
00:26:38,263 --> 00:26:41,289
Ahhh, you great hunk of zebra !
327
00:26:47,138 --> 00:26:50,972
Eddie, Eddie, what the bloody hell
do you think you're doing ?
328
00:26:51,109 --> 00:26:54,340
- I thought I'd burn it off.
- What, your face ?
329
00:26:54,479 --> 00:26:56,106
No, the excess gas.
330
00:26:56,247 --> 00:26:59,910
Oh really. Well how long will it take to burn off
the entire North Sea gas reserves ?
331
00:27:00,051 --> 00:27:02,349
- I don't know, what d'you reckon?
- I reckon we ought to get out of here!
332
00:27:02,487 --> 00:27:06,082
Okey-dokey. I'll just get rid of the evidence.
333
00:27:06,224 --> 00:27:10,490
Come on, come on! We bloody did it ! You and me
together, from here to eternity ! Come on, let's get out of here!
334
00:27:10,629 --> 00:27:12,563
Hello...er...
335
00:27:13,832 --> 00:27:15,424
Up the stairs, quick !
336
00:27:21,773 --> 00:27:23,604
Quick, in here!
337
00:27:29,714 --> 00:27:33,810
- Well give me a hand, for Christ's sake !
- Hang on, just a quick one for the album.
338
00:27:40,492 --> 00:27:44,451
Bloody hell, my kitchen ! Help !
339
00:27:44,596 --> 00:27:49,329
- Help ! Somebody call the Gas Board !
- Hello. I'm from the Gas Board.
340
00:27:49,467 --> 00:27:53,904
Blimey, that was quick ! Look, my kitchen's on fire !
341
00:27:54,039 --> 00:27:56,473
My God, no wonder your gas bill's so high!
342
00:27:56,608 --> 00:28:00,669
- How did this happen ?
- You tell me, Face-ache, you're the bleeding expert!
343
00:28:00,812 --> 00:28:03,144
- Well where are the other two ?
- What other two?
344
00:28:03,281 --> 00:28:06,114
The two loonies from next door. They were here a moment ago.
345
00:28:06,251 --> 00:28:09,812
- Here, in my flat ?!
- Aye ! Large as life !
346
00:28:09,954 --> 00:28:12,718
Urrrgh !
347
00:28:12,857 --> 00:28:15,587
There we are. The last brick.
348
00:28:15,727 --> 00:28:18,218
Huhhh! Safe and sound at last.
Hah, I never thought we'd get away with it !
349
00:28:18,363 --> 00:28:20,991
Put it right there, old pal !
350
00:28:21,132 --> 00:28:22,394
No, I will not !
351
00:28:25,637 --> 00:28:27,036
Brains you see Eddie. Brains over brawn. Haha!
I don't expect we'll be seeing Rottweiler for a bit!
30535
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