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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,757 --> 00:00:04,423 Hey, sister. 2 00:00:04,425 --> 00:00:07,026 Can I trade you a doobie for a junior vegan sub? 3 00:00:07,028 --> 00:00:09,162 It's against corporate policy to barter. 4 00:00:09,297 --> 00:00:10,496 But we do take zelle. 5 00:00:10,498 --> 00:00:11,765 Zelle? 6 00:00:11,899 --> 00:00:14,500 Is that, like, another word for nitrous? 7 00:00:14,502 --> 00:00:17,370 It's actually a pretty tight digital payment network 8 00:00:17,505 --> 00:00:20,373 Run by a conglomeration of the world's largest banks. 9 00:00:20,508 --> 00:00:23,376 Hey, hayley, why don't we have a quick chat in my office? 10 00:00:23,511 --> 00:00:27,046 I noticed you've been really applying yourself lately. 11 00:00:27,182 --> 00:00:30,450 Thanks, boss. That's not a compliment. 12 00:00:30,585 --> 00:00:32,318 Are you old enough to -- 13 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:35,188 Hayley, do you know what the "sub" in "sub hub" stands for? 14 00:00:35,323 --> 00:00:36,322 Submarine? No. 15 00:00:36,457 --> 00:00:37,590 Subculture. 16 00:00:37,725 --> 00:00:39,859 Here at sub hub, we pride ourselves 17 00:00:39,995 --> 00:00:43,329 On hiring punks, metalheads, and that one guy, amir. 18 00:00:43,464 --> 00:00:45,465 I don't think amir is part of a subculture. 19 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:46,799 He's just foreign. 20 00:00:46,934 --> 00:00:48,467 Why split hairs? 21 00:00:48,469 --> 00:00:51,404 Point is, you were hired to be this branch's hippie. 22 00:00:51,539 --> 00:00:54,073 But you're not a hippie. You're a poseur. 23 00:00:54,075 --> 00:00:56,475 Whoa! Can you still call people that? 24 00:00:56,477 --> 00:00:59,412 Face it, hayley -- you may dress like a hippie, 25 00:00:59,547 --> 00:01:02,348 But you've been working hard, showing up on time, 26 00:01:02,350 --> 00:01:05,885 And what's worse, you passed your last drug test. 27 00:01:06,021 --> 00:01:08,021 [ gasps ] I'm gonna have to let you go. 28 00:01:08,156 --> 00:01:10,423 Hand over your name badge and tuna scooper. 29 00:01:10,558 --> 00:01:11,557 But, boss, I -- 30 00:01:11,693 --> 00:01:14,360 Your badge and tuna scooper! Now! 31 00:01:14,495 --> 00:01:16,896 [ theme music plays ] 32 00:01:17,032 --> 00:01:20,033 ♪ good morning, u.S.A. ♪ 33 00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:23,102 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 34 00:01:23,238 --> 00:01:26,439 ♪ the sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 35 00:01:26,574 --> 00:01:31,044 ♪ and he's shinin' a salute to the american race ♪ 36 00:01:32,714 --> 00:01:36,181 ♪ oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 37 00:01:36,183 --> 00:01:38,451 ♪ good -- ♪ ♪ good morning, u.S.A. ♪ 38 00:01:38,586 --> 00:01:39,886 Aah! 39 00:01:40,988 --> 00:01:44,190 ♪ good morning, u.S.A. ♪ 40 00:01:44,325 --> 00:01:46,992 Not a hippie. I'll show you not a hippie. 41 00:01:47,128 --> 00:01:49,128 Ain't no one on this block more hippie than me. 42 00:01:49,264 --> 00:01:50,263 [ phone chimes ] 43 00:01:50,398 --> 00:01:51,531 Oh, hell yeah! 44 00:01:51,666 --> 00:01:53,333 My amazon stock just split! 45 00:01:54,402 --> 00:01:56,803 Space jam! 46 00:01:58,005 --> 00:02:01,741 Hayley, this is an intervention. You're a poseur. 47 00:02:01,876 --> 00:02:03,476 You guys think I'm a poseur, too? 48 00:02:03,611 --> 00:02:05,478 I just got fired 'cause of this! 49 00:02:05,613 --> 00:02:07,146 Oh, we know. Mason called. 50 00:02:07,282 --> 00:02:09,682 But now it's not your time to speak, hayley. 51 00:02:09,817 --> 00:02:13,018 Now is your time... To listen. 52 00:02:13,154 --> 00:02:14,420 Steve. 53 00:02:14,555 --> 00:02:18,223 Hayley, if being an inverge -- an involuntary virgin -- 54 00:02:18,225 --> 00:02:20,826 Wasn't bad enough, now you've made me a... 55 00:02:20,962 --> 00:02:22,161 [ voice breaking ] ...Sibaud! 56 00:02:22,297 --> 00:02:25,298 A sibling to a fraud! Klaus! 57 00:02:28,836 --> 00:02:30,303 [ sighs ] I'll just go from memory. 58 00:02:30,438 --> 00:02:32,772 Hayley, you're not just any kind of poseur. 59 00:02:32,774 --> 00:02:34,774 You're a wack-ass poseur. 60 00:02:34,776 --> 00:02:36,375 So the whole family's against me. 61 00:02:36,511 --> 00:02:39,645 Not me. I'm actually really proud of who you've become. 62 00:02:39,781 --> 00:02:41,114 Oh, god! Jeff? 63 00:02:41,249 --> 00:02:44,183 Sorry, babe, but you're no hippie. 64 00:02:44,319 --> 00:02:48,321 When was the last time you stuck a flower into a policeman's gun? 65 00:02:48,456 --> 00:02:51,524 [ sighs ] you're right. I'm a poseur. 66 00:02:51,659 --> 00:02:53,326 But...I can change! 67 00:02:53,461 --> 00:02:54,994 You will change. 68 00:02:54,996 --> 00:02:57,463 And we know where you can get help. 69 00:02:57,598 --> 00:03:00,065 [ electric guitar playing taps ] 70 00:03:00,201 --> 00:03:04,337 ♪♪ 71 00:03:04,472 --> 00:03:07,473 What the hell are you doing, flower child?! 72 00:03:07,608 --> 00:03:08,741 Get back in bed! 73 00:03:08,876 --> 00:03:10,943 This is hippie boot camp, god dang it! 74 00:03:11,078 --> 00:03:13,479 I better not catch you with your eyes open 75 00:03:13,614 --> 00:03:15,080 Till noon at the earliest! 76 00:03:15,082 --> 00:03:16,950 Sorry, sir. Don't "sir" me! 77 00:03:17,084 --> 00:03:20,285 We're all equals, and power dynamics are an illusion! 78 00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:22,622 Now drop and give me 20! 79 00:03:22,757 --> 00:03:28,494 No! I meant drop acid and give me a 20-minute instrumental jam! 80 00:03:28,496 --> 00:03:31,697 ♪♪ 81 00:03:31,833 --> 00:03:32,965 [ birds chirping ] 82 00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:35,300 [ mid-tempo music plays ] 83 00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:37,270 ♪♪ 84 00:03:39,281 --> 00:03:40,480 ♪♪ 85 00:03:40,616 --> 00:03:42,282 [ birds chirping ] 86 00:03:42,284 --> 00:03:46,153 It's not enough patchouli until I'm ready to puke! 87 00:03:48,156 --> 00:03:52,292 You call that a blunt?! It's clearly a spliff! 88 00:03:52,428 --> 00:03:53,627 This is my bong. 89 00:03:53,762 --> 00:03:56,496 There are many like it, but this one is mine. 90 00:03:56,498 --> 00:03:59,433 You know what? Maybe I'm not a hippie anymore. 91 00:03:59,568 --> 00:04:02,436 And being here is making me even more of a poseur. 92 00:04:02,571 --> 00:04:04,971 Oh! Sick, bro. 93 00:04:04,973 --> 00:04:08,042 I love watching chicks self-actualize. 94 00:04:08,176 --> 00:04:09,509 Klaus? That's right. 95 00:04:09,645 --> 00:04:12,045 I tagged along because my authentic identity 96 00:04:12,180 --> 00:04:14,314 Is as a sidekick and a sounding board. 97 00:04:14,450 --> 00:04:15,716 I don't know what to do. 98 00:04:15,851 --> 00:04:17,517 I was a hippie for years, 99 00:04:17,653 --> 00:04:21,187 But now I'm lost, and I don't know where to turn. 100 00:04:21,189 --> 00:04:24,324 [ singsong voice ] you could always go to church with me 101 00:04:24,460 --> 00:04:26,192 Ew! No! 102 00:04:26,194 --> 00:04:28,128 I know where you can get a fresh start. 103 00:04:28,264 --> 00:04:31,798 There's one place that will always accept you. 104 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:33,133 [ breathing heavily ] 105 00:04:33,135 --> 00:04:35,802 And that, hayley, is improv comedy. 106 00:04:35,938 --> 00:04:37,938 Wow! That was tolerable. 107 00:04:38,073 --> 00:04:39,940 And are you wayne brady? 108 00:04:40,075 --> 00:04:44,078 I am. But I am also whoever you want me to be. 109 00:04:44,212 --> 00:04:47,614 You see, hayley, a good improviser fully submits 110 00:04:47,749 --> 00:04:51,485 To the almighty power of whatever a stranger says. 111 00:04:51,620 --> 00:04:52,619 Let's practice. 112 00:04:52,754 --> 00:04:55,221 Can I get a location? Mars! 113 00:04:55,223 --> 00:04:57,958 Matt damon's already been there. What else? 114 00:04:58,093 --> 00:04:59,693 Nope. Seen enough. 115 00:04:59,828 --> 00:05:02,162 I'd love to charge you 15 hundo for our intro course, 116 00:05:02,164 --> 00:05:05,031 But improv is no place for inauthentic cowards. 117 00:05:05,167 --> 00:05:08,034 Maybe try stand-up. 118 00:05:08,036 --> 00:05:09,569 Great. Now what? 119 00:05:09,571 --> 00:05:12,106 [ singsong voice ] you could always go to church with me. 120 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:14,241 Gross! Get out of here! 121 00:05:15,577 --> 00:05:19,313 Well, there's one place we could try. 122 00:05:19,448 --> 00:05:24,118 Ugh! It's just the same song over and over again! 123 00:05:24,252 --> 00:05:27,187 Um, it's a little more nuanced than that. 124 00:05:27,323 --> 00:05:29,723 Some of the songs are also covers of worse songs. 125 00:05:29,858 --> 00:05:31,191 Well, it's not for me. 126 00:05:31,327 --> 00:05:33,994 Well, these tickets were four bucks, 127 00:05:33,996 --> 00:05:36,296 So I'm going back and getting my skank on. 128 00:05:37,333 --> 00:05:39,599 So...Church? 129 00:05:39,601 --> 00:05:40,600 Fine. 130 00:05:40,736 --> 00:05:42,002 Praise be! 131 00:05:42,004 --> 00:05:43,870 Plus, I don't go to just any church. 132 00:05:44,006 --> 00:05:45,405 I go to black church. 133 00:05:45,541 --> 00:05:46,740 Like in the movies? 134 00:05:46,875 --> 00:05:49,209 [ pipe organ playing ] 135 00:05:49,211 --> 00:05:52,278 [ hoarsely ] let us pray. 136 00:05:52,414 --> 00:05:54,348 [ whispering ] is it supposed to be this boring? 137 00:05:54,483 --> 00:05:57,417 I thought black church was fun. Not black catholic church. 138 00:05:57,419 --> 00:06:01,087 Black catholics are notoriously dull. 139 00:06:01,223 --> 00:06:02,689 Who's that? 140 00:06:02,691 --> 00:06:04,024 Black baby jesus. 141 00:06:04,026 --> 00:06:06,360 Not him. I mean the guy he's kicking. 142 00:06:06,494 --> 00:06:08,161 You don't recognize the devil? 143 00:06:08,296 --> 00:06:10,164 He got kicked out of heaven 'cause he was a fake. 144 00:06:10,298 --> 00:06:13,299 Waltzing around like a goody two-shoes when he was... 145 00:06:13,301 --> 00:06:14,968 Well, he was the devil! 146 00:06:15,103 --> 00:06:18,638 Well, maybe the devil was just trying to figure out who he was. 147 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:20,306 Forgive me, black father. 148 00:06:20,442 --> 00:06:22,909 I should not have brought this white woman into your house. 149 00:06:22,911 --> 00:06:25,311 [ ominous music plays ] 150 00:06:25,313 --> 00:06:28,314 [ brakes squeak, engine stops ] 151 00:06:28,450 --> 00:06:29,983 Good news. 152 00:06:30,118 --> 00:06:32,786 I'm not a hippie or a poseur anymore. 153 00:06:32,921 --> 00:06:35,321 [ deep voice ] I'm a devil worshipper. 154 00:06:35,457 --> 00:06:38,324 Nice try, hayley, but I think you're gonna find it pretty hard 155 00:06:38,460 --> 00:06:40,460 To shock the unflappable stan sm-- 156 00:06:40,462 --> 00:06:42,862 Eek! Bla-- bla-- bla-- bla-- black lipstick! 157 00:06:42,864 --> 00:06:43,964 Tell me when she's gone! 158 00:06:49,776 --> 00:06:50,876 Aah! 159 00:06:51,846 --> 00:06:53,378 [ door slams ] 160 00:06:53,380 --> 00:06:55,313 Yeah, that's right. I worship the devil. 161 00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:58,783 Oh, and also I relish in the glory of pain. 162 00:06:58,785 --> 00:07:01,253 Hayley, you're embarrassing yourself. 163 00:07:01,388 --> 00:07:04,323 You don't speak aramaic, you don't own a grimoire, 164 00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:06,658 And you've never severed a wolf's penis 165 00:07:06,793 --> 00:07:07,860 Under a waning moon. 166 00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:09,061 Poseur. 167 00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:10,795 I am not a poseur! Ooh! Ow-ee. 168 00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:13,065 I thought you relished in the glory of pain. 169 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:16,268 This is the same as when you were pretending to be a hippie. 170 00:07:16,403 --> 00:07:18,803 The outfit is fire, but it's all a facade. 171 00:07:18,805 --> 00:07:20,539 No, it's not! 172 00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:23,542 I am going to a meet-and-greet for devil worshippers tonight. 173 00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:25,010 Then you'll see! 174 00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:27,680 I'll be the most authentic devil worshipper you ever heard of! 175 00:07:27,814 --> 00:07:29,147 [ door opens, slams ] 176 00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:30,815 Parenting is hard, steve. 177 00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:33,752 Remember that before you start a family. 178 00:07:33,888 --> 00:07:36,154 ♪♪ 179 00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:39,892 [ indistinct conversations ] 180 00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:41,293 Hey, hayley. 181 00:07:41,428 --> 00:07:43,228 Tuttle? You're a devil worshipper? 182 00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:46,431 Oh, I've summoned a demon or two in my day. 183 00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:48,567 Wait. You've summoned demons? 184 00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:50,168 Oh, yeah. 185 00:07:50,304 --> 00:07:52,037 I'm actually still pretty good friends with beelzebub. 186 00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:53,706 He owes me a casserole dish. 187 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:55,440 I want to summon a demon! 188 00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:59,311 Thing is, only real devil worshippers can summon a demon, 189 00:07:59,446 --> 00:08:01,446 Or the consequences can be deadly. 190 00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:04,983 Oh! I'm -- I'm for real. So, how do I do it? 191 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:08,653 Easy! Everything you need is in those scrolls over there. 192 00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:11,357 [ ominous music plays ] 193 00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:15,260 Aww! This demon's a cutie pie! 194 00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:18,597 And to summon you, I need... Whoa! 195 00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:20,265 Virgin's blood? 196 00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:21,734 [ birds chirping ] 197 00:08:21,868 --> 00:08:23,502 Space jam! [ gasps ] 198 00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:28,540 Is that a tampon? Poseur. 199 00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:31,276 Everyone knows devil worshippers free-bleed. 200 00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:34,146 Tears of an innocent. 201 00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:37,282 Gotcha, dream! 202 00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:40,152 Jeff! My mom thinks your hat is stupid. 203 00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:41,620 I heard her say it. 204 00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:44,757 [ crying ] 205 00:08:44,891 --> 00:08:48,026 Ohh! Slaughter a red fox? 206 00:08:48,162 --> 00:08:49,361 I can't do that. 207 00:08:49,496 --> 00:08:50,963 Francine: Hey, hayley! 208 00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:53,832 You still down there being a poseur? 209 00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:55,768 [ birds chirping ] 210 00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:57,502 [ applause ] 211 00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:59,904 Pops, you know that job I applied for? 212 00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:01,239 I got it! 213 00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:03,908 So I got to pack up and move to another forest. 214 00:09:03,910 --> 00:09:05,310 Wait! You can't leave me! 215 00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:07,245 Haven't you heard you're supposed to 216 00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:09,848 Stick by your father in sickness and in health? 217 00:09:09,984 --> 00:09:11,116 That's for married couples. 218 00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:12,584 Marry me, son! 219 00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:13,786 [ audience laughs ] 220 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:15,854 Listen, pops. I'm moving out. 221 00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:17,389 You see that? 222 00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:20,325 The dummy of my loins is abandoning his father! 223 00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:22,594 Uh-oh. I think I'm having a heart attack! 224 00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:26,198 This is the big one, elizabeth! I'm coming to join you, honey! 225 00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:28,700 [ grunts, groans ] 226 00:09:30,204 --> 00:09:34,072 Well, I didn't slaughter it. 227 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,940 But I am stepping on its tail! 228 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,043 This has got to be good enough. 229 00:09:39,814 --> 00:09:42,080 Audience: Aww! 230 00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:45,017 [ down-tempo music plays ] 231 00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:51,556 ♪♪ 232 00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:56,961 Annal, nathrak, uthvas, bethod, dochyel, dienvay. 233 00:09:56,963 --> 00:10:02,034 Annal, nathrak, uthvas, bethod, dochyel, dienvay. 234 00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:06,771 Annal, nathrak, uthvas, bethod, dochyel, dienvay! 235 00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,973 [ dramatic music plays ] 236 00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:11,643 It is I, xnzux, 237 00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:14,846 Archduke of interdimensional space hell! 238 00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:16,114 Space what, now? 239 00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,716 Space hell! 240 00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:21,386 You know -- "hellraiser," "event horizon," et cetera. 241 00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:23,588 Who has summoned me? 242 00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:26,324 Not me! I was trying to summon this cute little -- 243 00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:29,327 I mean... I did summon you. 244 00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,129 Me! The summoner! 245 00:10:31,265 --> 00:10:33,065 Then you will face me in a challenge 246 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:36,201 Decided by your very first utterance. 247 00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:38,937 Like in "ghostbusters." 248 00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:39,938 Space jam? 249 00:10:40,074 --> 00:10:43,075 So it shall be done. 250 00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:45,878 [ dramatic music plays ] 251 00:10:46,012 --> 00:10:50,082 I shall summon looney tunes on your behalf, 252 00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:52,751 That we might face off in a space jam 253 00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:57,155 When the stars align under the darkest of skies, 254 00:10:57,157 --> 00:11:00,692 Lit only by an impending blood moon. 255 00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:03,227 It's on! Wait. Is it a Thursday? 256 00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:04,696 'cause I got hot yoga on Thursday. 257 00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:09,367 Should you lose, I will drag langley to space hell! 258 00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:11,436 What? I got to warn people! 259 00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:13,572 I mean, yeah. I would. 260 00:11:13,707 --> 00:11:16,841 Okay. So, don't be mad, 261 00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:20,312 But I accidentally summoned interdimensional space demons. 262 00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:21,846 Come on, hayley. 263 00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:24,816 If you don't believe me, just check the basement. 264 00:11:29,123 --> 00:11:30,923 Xnzux: It is I, xnzux! 265 00:11:31,057 --> 00:11:33,458 [ screaming ] 266 00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:37,929 Hayley, you summoned a basketball team worth of demons 267 00:11:38,064 --> 00:11:39,264 Into our basement! 268 00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:41,133 Do you know how dangerous that is? 269 00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:42,734 Of course I know it's dangerous! 270 00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:45,069 They said they're gonna drag us all to space hell 271 00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:46,939 If I don't win at space jam, which is when -- 272 00:11:47,073 --> 00:11:49,874 Please, hayley. Everyone knows what a space jam is. 273 00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:52,277 Yeah! Sounds kind of rad, actually. 274 00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:54,746 It's not rad! The whole town is in danger! 275 00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,881 But only if you lose, right? 276 00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:58,016 Well, yeah. But -- 277 00:11:58,152 --> 00:11:59,952 You could easily win a space jam. 278 00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:02,554 And it's not like the demons are affecting anything 279 00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:03,822 By being in this dimension. 280 00:12:03,957 --> 00:12:07,025 [ thunder crashing, wind whistling ] 281 00:12:08,094 --> 00:12:10,629 Holy hell! It's raining blood! 282 00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:13,966 This is why I got into this business! 283 00:12:15,636 --> 00:12:18,303 So the blood rain is because you summoned 284 00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:20,505 Interdimensional space demons, huh? 285 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,574 That's hard to believe. But it's true! 286 00:12:22,709 --> 00:12:24,376 Hayley, I've been your neighbor for years. 287 00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:27,645 I say this gently, but you're a bit of a wack-ass poseur. 288 00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:29,447 She's being real this time! 289 00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:30,849 We saw the demons too! 290 00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:33,117 You see? The demons are real! 291 00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,453 And they're gonna drag us all to space hell 292 00:12:35,589 --> 00:12:37,121 If I don't win the space jam. 293 00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:38,657 Sure, but only if you lose. 294 00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:40,592 Do you believe in yourself as an athlete? 295 00:12:40,727 --> 00:12:41,994 Hayley: Of course. 296 00:12:42,128 --> 00:12:44,396 And could you lead the home team to victory? 297 00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:46,130 Like no one else. 298 00:12:46,132 --> 00:12:47,866 I'm the michael jordan of langley falls. 299 00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:50,535 Then it sounds like we have nothing to worry about -- 300 00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:52,804 So long as you win. Which she will. 301 00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:55,940 Steve: How could langley lose with bugs bunny on our side? 302 00:12:56,076 --> 00:13:00,678 Yeah. Me and bugs versus a sack of punk-ass demons. 303 00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:02,614 That's what's up, doc. 304 00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:05,817 I'm about to embarrass y'all on the court. 305 00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:09,287 All of langley's behind me. There's no way I can lose! 306 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:11,089 [ laughter ] 307 00:13:11,225 --> 00:13:14,492 You really thought we were gonna do a space jam 308 00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:17,029 With you, a poseur? 309 00:13:17,163 --> 00:13:18,963 We were clowning you. 310 00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:21,700 We know you didn't really slaughter that fox. 311 00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:25,704 And now everyone else will know that you're a total fake. 312 00:13:25,839 --> 00:13:27,906 You guys are being really mean! 313 00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,641 Aww. Thank you. 314 00:13:29,776 --> 00:13:32,710 And the blood rain wasn't us. That was monsanto. 315 00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:35,414 [ flames hissing, crackling ] 316 00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:43,970 Roger, where have you been?! 317 00:13:43,972 --> 00:13:46,172 Brushing up on some of my lesser personas. 318 00:13:46,174 --> 00:13:47,307 What's with the tizzy? 319 00:13:47,309 --> 00:13:48,642 I accidentally summoned 320 00:13:48,777 --> 00:13:50,110 Interdimensional space demons who -- 321 00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:52,112 Duped you into thinking they'd do a space jam 322 00:13:52,114 --> 00:13:54,381 Then pulled out to expose you as a poseur? 323 00:13:54,516 --> 00:13:55,582 Tale as old as time. 324 00:13:55,584 --> 00:13:57,784 So...No space jam? 325 00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,387 No. Yes space jam. 326 00:14:00,522 --> 00:14:02,789 We're gonna fake a space jam. 327 00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:05,525 What?! That verges on the ridiculous! 328 00:14:05,661 --> 00:14:07,061 No. She's right. 329 00:14:07,195 --> 00:14:10,530 If you don't pull this off, no matter where you go, 330 00:14:10,666 --> 00:14:13,533 You'll always be the girl who cried space jam. 331 00:14:13,669 --> 00:14:15,869 But how do we fake a space jam? 332 00:14:16,004 --> 00:14:19,539 With the help of the realest guy I know, wayne brady. 333 00:14:19,541 --> 00:14:21,808 His improv team could dress up his demons 334 00:14:21,810 --> 00:14:23,610 And we could dress up as the looney tunes! 335 00:14:23,745 --> 00:14:26,079 I could write an "I believe I can fly"-type 336 00:14:26,214 --> 00:14:27,481 Inspirational banger! 337 00:14:27,616 --> 00:14:29,283 I could help with the costumes! 338 00:14:29,417 --> 00:14:30,884 And I could make snacks! 339 00:14:31,019 --> 00:14:32,819 Actually, if I'm being realistic, 340 00:14:32,821 --> 00:14:34,354 I'm not going to make snacks. 341 00:14:34,356 --> 00:14:35,622 All right! 342 00:14:35,624 --> 00:14:37,624 We're gonna fake us a space jam! 343 00:14:37,626 --> 00:14:41,628 Roger, we'll need costumes for interdimensional space demons, 344 00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:43,229 Bugs bunny, taz -- 345 00:14:43,365 --> 00:14:45,899 I'm a lawyer here on behalf of disney, warner bros., 346 00:14:46,034 --> 00:14:48,768 And whatever companies disney and warner don't own yet. 347 00:14:48,770 --> 00:14:50,837 I'll be attending the "space jam," 348 00:14:50,839 --> 00:14:53,573 And if I catch so much as a whiff of copyright infringement, 349 00:14:53,709 --> 00:14:54,975 You're going to jail! 350 00:14:55,110 --> 00:14:56,843 So either keep it in the public domain 351 00:14:56,845 --> 00:14:58,512 Or off the basketball court! 352 00:14:59,247 --> 00:15:00,314 [ door slams ] 353 00:15:00,448 --> 00:15:01,782 Oh, man! We're so screwed! 354 00:15:01,917 --> 00:15:03,917 Relax. Sometimes constraints can focus you. 355 00:15:04,052 --> 00:15:05,385 When's the game? 356 00:15:05,521 --> 00:15:08,789 It's when the stars align under the darkest of skies 357 00:15:08,924 --> 00:15:11,124 Lit only by an impending blood moon. 358 00:15:11,259 --> 00:15:13,459 That's a weird way to say "tomorrow." 359 00:15:13,461 --> 00:15:15,329 Barkley: What's up, langley? 360 00:15:15,464 --> 00:15:16,663 I'm charles barkley, 361 00:15:16,798 --> 00:15:18,598 And this is a space jam. 362 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:21,067 Visiting from another dimension that's hellish 363 00:15:21,069 --> 00:15:22,803 But not quite technically hell -- 364 00:15:22,938 --> 00:15:27,207 Let's hear it for the demons! [ crowd booing ] 365 00:15:27,209 --> 00:15:31,277 ♪♪ 366 00:15:31,279 --> 00:15:32,679 All right! 367 00:15:32,681 --> 00:15:34,748 And now, leading the home team, 368 00:15:34,883 --> 00:15:38,752 Give it up for hayley smith! [ crowd cheering ] 369 00:15:38,887 --> 00:15:40,620 Due to a scheduling conflict, 370 00:15:40,622 --> 00:15:42,622 The looney tunes couldn't be here tonight. 371 00:15:42,624 --> 00:15:44,558 But langley's team is still packed 372 00:15:44,693 --> 00:15:46,360 With public-domain favorites 373 00:15:46,494 --> 00:15:49,696 Such as popeye the sailor man's girlfriend olive oyl's brother, 374 00:15:49,698 --> 00:15:51,497 Castor oyl! 375 00:15:51,499 --> 00:15:54,167 [ light applause ] 376 00:15:54,302 --> 00:15:55,235 ♪♪ 377 00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:56,903 More ass hair oyl, 378 00:15:56,905 --> 00:15:58,839 'cause it smells like balls in here. 379 00:15:58,974 --> 00:16:02,442 Barkley: From a comic strip, I've been assured once existed, 380 00:16:02,444 --> 00:16:03,777 Boob mcnutt? 381 00:16:03,912 --> 00:16:05,245 [ crowd murmuring ] 382 00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:09,449 Not even a giggle? Boob mcnutt's a funny name! 383 00:16:09,585 --> 00:16:13,387 Barkley: Next up -- frankenstein monster! 384 00:16:13,522 --> 00:16:14,388 [ crowd cheering ] 385 00:16:14,523 --> 00:16:15,789 The crowd is going wild 386 00:16:15,924 --> 00:16:18,992 For a character they finally recognize! 387 00:16:19,127 --> 00:16:21,127 Dad, lose the bolts in your neck! 388 00:16:21,263 --> 00:16:23,329 Universal studios owns the rights 389 00:16:23,331 --> 00:16:24,664 To bolt neck frankenstein! 390 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:27,133 [ metal squeaking, crowd booing ] 391 00:16:27,135 --> 00:16:29,002 ♪♪ 392 00:16:29,137 --> 00:16:33,139 Barkley: And last but not least, felix the cat! 393 00:16:33,141 --> 00:16:35,541 [ crowd cheering ] wait. Who's in that one? 394 00:16:35,543 --> 00:16:37,477 Klaus. How's he moving around? 395 00:16:37,613 --> 00:16:40,280 His driving cane. Ah. 396 00:16:40,282 --> 00:16:41,681 Before we get started, 397 00:16:41,817 --> 00:16:44,350 How about a suggestion from the audience? 398 00:16:44,352 --> 00:16:47,754 I have a suggestion. Win! 399 00:16:47,756 --> 00:16:49,823 So, it shall be done. 400 00:16:49,958 --> 00:16:53,627 [ pipe organ plays ] 401 00:16:53,762 --> 00:16:55,561 ♪♪ 402 00:16:55,563 --> 00:16:56,897 [ crowd murmuring ] 403 00:16:57,032 --> 00:16:58,031 Oh, great. 404 00:16:58,166 --> 00:16:59,633 Of course basketball's your thing. 405 00:16:59,768 --> 00:17:01,435 Nope. Never touched the basketball before. 406 00:17:01,569 --> 00:17:04,304 This is just what happens when you give yourself over 407 00:17:04,306 --> 00:17:05,972 To the power of improv. 408 00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:08,041 But you said you'd let us win! 409 00:17:08,176 --> 00:17:11,377 Sorry. Hope you brought your "a" game, bitch. 410 00:17:11,513 --> 00:17:13,113 Okay. I want a clean game. 411 00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:16,049 It's space jam rules, so pretty much anything goes. 412 00:17:16,184 --> 00:17:17,818 [ whistle blows ] 413 00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:20,254 [ crowd cheering ] 414 00:17:20,388 --> 00:17:22,456 Oh! Steve? 415 00:17:22,590 --> 00:17:23,590 [ feedback squeaks ] 416 00:17:23,725 --> 00:17:26,126 ♪ if I ascertain it ♪ 417 00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:27,327 Whoo! 418 00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:31,331 ♪ I might could do it ♪ [ crowd cheering ] 419 00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:34,334 ♪ if I just discern it ♪ 420 00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:37,737 ♪ possibly I'll achieve it ♪ 421 00:17:37,873 --> 00:17:41,808 ♪ I perceive that I ♪ 422 00:17:41,943 --> 00:17:45,545 ♪ might be capable of flight ♪ 423 00:17:45,681 --> 00:17:48,882 ♪ I wrote this song just yesterday ♪ 424 00:17:49,017 --> 00:17:52,686 [ crowd cheering ] ♪ it's pretty good considering ♪ 425 00:17:53,221 --> 00:17:56,957 ♪ there's a chance I'll ascend ♪ 426 00:17:57,092 --> 00:18:01,427 ♪ langley may win in the end ♪ 427 00:18:01,429 --> 00:18:03,964 ♪ I perceive that I ♪ 428 00:18:04,099 --> 00:18:08,168 ♪ I perceive that I ♪ 429 00:18:08,303 --> 00:18:13,307 ♪ might be capable of flight ♪ 430 00:18:13,441 --> 00:18:15,241 Whoo! 431 00:18:15,377 --> 00:18:16,776 ♪♪ 432 00:18:16,778 --> 00:18:19,312 [ thunder crashes ] [ roaring ] 433 00:18:19,447 --> 00:18:21,114 [ buzzer sounds ] 434 00:18:21,249 --> 00:18:23,717 Francine: What does castor oyl even do?! 435 00:18:23,852 --> 00:18:24,918 I don't know. 436 00:18:25,053 --> 00:18:26,186 I couldn't find clips of him online. 437 00:18:26,321 --> 00:18:27,521 We just know he's from "popeye." 438 00:18:27,655 --> 00:18:29,789 Popeye? I've got it! 439 00:18:29,791 --> 00:18:32,926 [ dramatic music plays ] 440 00:18:33,061 --> 00:18:34,861 A-badda-a-badda-a-badda- a-badda-- 441 00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:36,530 That's copyright infringement, folks! 442 00:18:36,664 --> 00:18:37,664 Hope you like jail! 443 00:18:37,799 --> 00:18:39,665 [ crowd booing ] 444 00:18:39,667 --> 00:18:42,536 Hey, ref. We're down a player. We got to sub someone in. 445 00:18:42,670 --> 00:18:44,338 Its space jam rules. Do whatever. 446 00:18:44,472 --> 00:18:46,072 Steve! Plan b. 447 00:18:46,074 --> 00:18:47,674 [ feedback squeals ] 448 00:18:48,610 --> 00:18:52,946 Folks, please welcome, all the way from the year 1918 -- 449 00:18:53,081 --> 00:18:55,415 It's koko the clown! 450 00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:57,483 [ "the entertainer" plays ] 451 00:18:57,619 --> 00:18:59,285 [ crowd murmuring ] 452 00:18:59,421 --> 00:19:06,692 ♪♪ 453 00:19:06,694 --> 00:19:10,163 Wow. I did a really great job on these costumes. 454 00:19:10,298 --> 00:19:13,699 With time running out, the demon stars lead to... 455 00:19:13,701 --> 00:19:16,302 Whoever these guys are by 1 point! 456 00:19:16,304 --> 00:19:20,774 I can't lose, hayley. I am an improviser. 457 00:19:20,909 --> 00:19:22,776 You're just a phony. 458 00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:25,445 Nuh-unh! I'm... 459 00:19:25,447 --> 00:19:27,914 I'm hayley smith. 460 00:19:28,049 --> 00:19:30,250 [ dramatic music plays ] 461 00:19:30,385 --> 00:19:31,985 [ crowd gasps ] 462 00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:33,853 [ buzzer sounds ] space jam. 463 00:19:33,989 --> 00:19:37,057 [ crowd cheering ] [ up-tempo music plays ] 464 00:19:37,192 --> 00:19:43,597 ♪♪ 465 00:19:43,731 --> 00:19:46,033 [ dramatic music plays ] 466 00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:51,071 It is I, xnzux! 467 00:19:51,206 --> 00:19:53,473 [ crowd gasps ] [ sighs ] 468 00:19:53,475 --> 00:19:54,540 Aah! 469 00:19:54,676 --> 00:19:56,342 [ fingers snap ] 470 00:19:57,078 --> 00:20:00,680 That's right, langley! You've been played as fools! 471 00:20:00,682 --> 00:20:03,149 This wasn't a real space jam! 472 00:20:03,151 --> 00:20:06,152 No shit. Do you think we're all idiots? 473 00:20:06,154 --> 00:20:07,487 Wait. 474 00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:10,290 You knew this game was fake, that hayley was still a fraud? 475 00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:13,159 Yeah, but so what? She was entertaining. 476 00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:16,095 The space jam got the whole community together. 477 00:20:16,097 --> 00:20:18,432 It was an excuse to get out of the house. 478 00:20:18,566 --> 00:20:20,700 And it made ma happy. 479 00:20:20,836 --> 00:20:26,572 Besides, hayley's just a 19- or...Maybe 22-year-old kid. 480 00:20:26,708 --> 00:20:28,508 Yeah. He's right. 481 00:20:28,510 --> 00:20:30,109 We're sorry, hayley. 482 00:20:30,111 --> 00:20:32,578 You're not supposed to have it all figured out yet. 483 00:20:32,580 --> 00:20:34,714 But you! How dare you? 484 00:20:34,716 --> 00:20:37,383 A timeless being coming into our dimension 485 00:20:37,519 --> 00:20:39,853 And preying on the insecurities of a young woman? 486 00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:41,254 You're filth. 487 00:20:41,389 --> 00:20:42,722 I'm a demon. 488 00:20:42,724 --> 00:20:45,391 Thanks, you guys. I guess I learned my lesson. 489 00:20:45,527 --> 00:20:48,662 I don't need to be a hippie or a devil worshipper. 490 00:20:48,797 --> 00:20:50,330 I can just be hayley, 491 00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:53,066 Even if that means I'm a little lost sometimes. 492 00:20:53,201 --> 00:20:56,002 Sweet black baby jesus, that's corny. 493 00:20:56,137 --> 00:20:58,604 [ wind whistling ] 494 00:20:58,606 --> 00:21:00,474 Bye-bye! See you soon! 34006

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