Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

(soft, ominous music)

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

(eerie music, man coughing from smoke)

(ominous zombie growls)

(actress moaning)

- You guys ready yet?

- [Nate] Almost there, just gotta tweak the exposure a bit.

- You nervous, dude?

Why are you nervous?

This is your film school application.

It's gonna be seen by two people, maybe three.

What do you gotta lose, dude?

Film school's a waste of money, anyway.

- [Nate] No, it's not.

- Some of the best directors never went to film school.

- [Nate] A lot of the best ones did.

- All right, fine, just

(Charlie sighs)

take a deep breath.

- [Nate] Got it.

(Nate sighs)

- I'm hungry.

Honestly, how many interns does it take

to bring back dinner?

- [Nate] Did you send Aaliyah?

She's smart.

- I don't know about that.

But yeah, man, I sent all three.

- [Nate] Oh, wow.

- Yeah. Wow.

Is he ready?

- [Nate] Yes.

- Why aren't you?

- [Nate] Well, he's a professional behind-the-scenes guy,

and I'm not even a film student.

- You're stalling, Nate.

At some point, you're just gonna have

to stop what you're doing and press record, okay?

Now, let's check this out, okay?

Here's how it's done.

Hello, my name is Charlie Marshall,

and I am applying for the graduate film program

at the prestigious University of, wherever.

But actually, no, wait, nevermind.

I'm not, 'cause I don't wanna set money on fire.

- [Nate] Charlie.

(Charlie chuckles)

- Wait.

See, I've got other ambitions.

This building we're in right now is called Marshall Stages.

It's where dreams are made, baby, and I get paid.

And we've got a whole plethora of productions filming.

You know, all the,

don't gimme that look.

- [Nate] What look?

- You're judging me for having

adult film production here, aren't you, man?

- I said cut. - Well, I just thought

the talent making movies in here

would be famous actors, not porn stars.

- Hey dude, porn stars could be famous--

(actress moans)

Porn stars could be famous, too, man.

And you know, maybe I've had more serious talent

working here if my interns weren't so dumb.

- That's not nice.

- Whatever, dude. - [Madame Money Shot] the most

unprofessional set I ever seen.

the walls are basically plywood and duct tape.

Are you kidding me?

- You get the idea, right?

Just sit up straight, act confident, smile.

Who knows, do that same thing for Aaliyah,

maybe she'll fuck you.

- [Nate] Yeah, eat a dick, Charlie.

(Charlie laughs)

- Easy there, cowboy.

I'm your boss, remember?

- [Nate] Can we just get this over with, please?

I'm ready.

- Sure, okay, whatever.

Just behave, buddy boy, okay?

Good luck.

- [Director] All right, guys.

Tits up, dicks hard, let's go.

And action.

(actress moans) (Nate sighs)

- [Charlie] And,

action.

- Hello, my name is Nathaniel Lawrence,

and I want to be a filmmaker.

Well, I am a filmmaker.

But I want to learn how to be a better one.

A lot of the films I've been seeing recently

have been really big and loud.

Like the summer blockbusters, you know?

Or, they're the opposite.

They're these small, experimental art house movies

that are quiet and emotional.

But what if you could have both?

A thoughtful moment for a character, amidst a big explosion?

A film that takes risks, but is also a crowd pleaser.

Like an art house blockbuster.

That's the kind of film-- - Yeah.

That was great, man.

You did a great job.

- Oh, what's up guys?

Hey, Aaliyah.

What's going on?

- Oh, my God, it was horrible.

- I agree.

Dinner break came and went, and I never got any food.

- Charlie, you have no idea, man.

- Yeah, I asked three people to do a simple task,

and none of you got it done.

- Have you seen the news?

- It's crazy out there.

- Mmhmm.

- [Madame Money Shot] Cut.

- [Reggie] Yeah, pull your phone out.

Do an internet search, it'll be

the first thing that comes up. - No, Reggie.

Reggie, calm down, buddy.

Okay.

Oh, let's see, I'm getting all these notifications.

- [Reggie] Uh-huh.

- People stumbling around.

- [Reggie] Yeah.

- Getting sick.

Biting strangers?

- Bingo, man.

It was insane.

We're on our way to get the food,

and all of a sudden this homeless guy

just comes outta nowhere, starts coming at us

with his mouth open like he's trying to bite Zoe.

Now, I, of course, would never let that happen.

So, I went right out to him and kicked his ass.

- Uh, you shoved him and he tripped.

But yeah, you stepped up. - Yeah.

- You stepped up.

- Hey Reggie, are you feeling okay?

You look really pale.

- Yo, Reggie, you're twitching.

- Maybe you should sit down.

- Is that a bite mark on your arm?

- I don't know. - Oh, shit.

- Maybe, could be.

- [Aaliyah] That looks nasty.

- It was weird out there, man.

It could be anything.

- Hey Reggie, how you doing?

(bat thuds)

(interns gasp) - What the fuck?

Call 911!

(ominous music)

- There's a first time for everything.

- [Aaliyah] He's fine.

- Guys. - Man,

that kinda felt good.

- The line is busy.

- What do you mean the line is busy?

It's 911, how can it be busy?

- Everybody, let's all remain calm, okay?

- Oh, says the guy who just attacked our friend.

What the fuck, Charlie?

- Oh, he's not your friend anymore.

Ask the film nerd.

Tell him what this guy is, look at the bite mark.

- Nate, what's he talking about?

- No, there's no way, that's impossible.

- Yeah. - Oh, God.

Holy shit, are you filming right now?

- Oh, yes, he is.

- So, we just got video evidence of our boss

violently attacking an employee.

Excuse me, an unpaid intern.

- Oh, excuse me, what do you want me to do?

Let this guy run around and bite everybody?

Check yourself.

- Hey, Reggie.

- [Madame Money Shot] Alright, here we go guys.

And action. - Can you hear me?

Please, tell me you're alive.

- I don't like-like you, but if you wake up,

I'll buy you dinner, and you can talk

about video games, and crypto,

and your fantasy football team as much as you want.

(hand slaps)

Yeah, I think he's dead.

- Okay, don't stop recording.

- Actually, we need it.

- No, I'm not letting you destroy the evidence, Charlie.

- I want him to continue filming and use all of it.

Go on, man, record all of this.

- Why?

- Because, if I'm right, I want proof.

Given what we're hearing about in the news,

I just did what I had to do.

(actress moans)

Okay, now, suck it up, girls.

Let's grab his legs.

- Why?

- Because we're throwing Reggie.

- Come on.

- In the closet.

Let's go. - Are you

fucking kidding me? - Yeah, come on, let's go.

- Just do it. - God.

Okay. - Come on.

- [Zoe] Oh my gosh.

- [Aaliyah] Charlie, fucking hold on.

Hold on, Charlie. - Jesus.

Did you guys ever go to PE?

Let's go. - We're trying!

- [Zoe] He's, like, fucking 6'5.

- [Charlie] Yeah, just

lift with your legs. - Okay, ow.

- [Charlie] Goddammit.

- Go to the right a little bit.

Okay, just a second step.

Oh my-- - Okay.

(wall thuds) Lay him down.

All right.

Doing fine, Zoe, you're looking good.

Figure it out, okay?

- Prick. - It's okay.

Sorry, Reggie.

- [Director] Cut.

- We'll deal with that later. - Guys, what the fuck?

Do you guys even know how a film set is supposed to work?

- [Nate] I'm sorry.

There's just a lot-- - Hey, hey.

Leave the kid alone, man, we had a little

problem over there. - Okay, I've got

a big problem, 'cause I'm trying

to shoot something intimate inside.

- Untitled Christmas porn doesn't exactly sound intimate.

- Who is she?

- What's it gonna be called?

No, no, "Deck My Hairy Fucking Balls?"

Like, "Angels Cumming?"

"Bukkake on 69th Street?"

- Oh, oh, oh, I got one.

"I'll be Boned for Christmas."

- Be boned for Christmas.

That's good, I like that one.

That's a pretty good one. - No, no.

It's a Christmas porn, this is awful.

Christmas is supposed to be about love and family and Jesus.

- And fetish sex.

- Yeah, okay, let's time out,

'cause I'm not making a porn, you imbeciles.

This is erotic art.

- Using action cameras?

- It's for the POV shots. We're doing 4K now.

(Aaliyah snorts)

- Sounds like bullshit.

- Oh, good thing nobody asked the stupid fucking intern.

What the fuck is her deal? (Charlie laughs)

- I mean, I didn't say she said it,

but yeah. - Wow.

Okay.

Wow.

Fuck this bitch.

I don't know where-- - Oh, honey,

I would scissor you in half.

Thank you no much.

Thank you. - Whoa listen,

we'll just be quiet during the next take.

- Thank you, okay.

- Wait, this is about sound, seriously?

- Yes, and it's ruining my film.

- Wait, can you just fix it in post-production?

- Well technically, they could just copy and paste

the moans and grunts here and there.

Nobody would know the difference.

- Oh, like this?

Oh yeah.

(Aaliyah moans)

Oh, yeah.

- I'm sorry, have you never had a hole filled?

What the fuck was that?

Okay look, I'm not gonna be insulted on my own set.

- Well, wait a minute here.

I mean, this is my building,

so, I mean, keep going, yeah.

Yeah, keep it going. - Okay no, Charlie, apologize,

otherwise, I'm leaving here, and you're not getting a cent.

- [Aaliyah] Just say it.

- Nah, I'm good.

- Okay, so I'm gonna count to three,

and then I'm gonna leave, and I'm gonna give you

that one star review you so deserve.

- Wait, no, no. - Yeah, we're doing that?

Okay good.

One. - No, it's really not

a good idea. - Two.

- [Aaliyah] Oh, stop,

it's really not safe. - Three.

- Please, don't. - Fuck you guys.

Holy shit!

No, get back. (creatures growl)

(director shrieks) (door knocks)

(suspenseful music)

- What the.

Oh, god.

(flesh oozing)

(Charlie softly chuckles) (zombie groans)

What a shame, right?

What a shame.

Okay.

- [Nate] You just gonna

leave her there? - Hey, man.

I did all I could, okay?

I mean, you guys wondering,

she still alive, so.

- Yeah, I mean, she made her choice, Nate.

- What the fuck?

- Do you agree with this, too?

- I gotta figure this out, man.

- I need a drink.

Or weed.

Or a lot.

- I second that.

- All right, it looks like

these diseased people are everywhere.

The media is calling them biters.

- No, they're not biters.

- [Aaliyah] How do you know?

- [Zoe] Then what are they?

(Charlie sighs)

- Go ahead, man.

You can tell 'em.

I'm gonna go get some booze.

We're gonna need it.

- Whoa, please don't leave.

- Nate, what are-- - I'm gonna need it.

- [Aaliyah] What are the biters?

- I don't know how to say it.

- [Aaliyah] So, what are they, Nate?

Just fucking spit it out. - Just say it.

(soft, eerie music)

- They're zombies.

- Shit. - Zombies?

- We are so fucked.

- We're gonna die.

- No, we're not.

(glass clinks) We're locking this place down.

You want some of that?

Nah.

I wanted to tell you, always, I hate you.

I hate you, I really do.

- Okay, so we can just leave.

- There are zombies right outside.

- Do they know about it yet?

- Who?

- You know, the sex people?

(Charlie laughs)

- Zoe, wait a second.

You mean the porn actors and their sound guy?

- Sex work is work, Zoe.

- I know, just

trying to be nice. - Damn straight.

- Okay, they probably have no idea.

We should tell them.

- But do you think they're, you know.

- Honey, Zoe, I gotta tell you,

I don't think they're filming anything right now.

- The director is dead.

- What a shame. - Cool.

- Just died.

- Yeah.

- Charlie.

- [Charlie] Yep?

- Have you seen the news?

- Yeah, I did.

Let's talk about it.

Nate, why don't you grab a camera.

I'm gonna bring this, I'm gonna need it.

You might want some.

I spit in it, but I don't know

if you care about-- - I can handle it.

- Yeah, your line of work,

All right, let's go, let's talk.

- [Actress] What in the French toast is happening?

- [Charlie] I don't know, man, you tell me.

- [Actress] The shoot's been a little rough.

- [Charlie] Hey, Theodore, how's your herpes?

- Hey buddy. - Hey, man.

Looking good.

- Hey, mama.

- So, the zombie apocalypse is really happening.

- Mmhmm.

- Does that mean we're getting shut down?

- Well, we got a little bit of a

slight issue going on right now, so.

- They're not in here, right?

- [Charlie] Mm-mm.

- Well, we might as well keep shooting, if you're up for it.

- Yeah, of course.

I mean, you know I can go for six hours.

- Mmhmm. - I was under

the tantric tutelage.

- Oh, I didn't know that. - Yeah, you know that.

Anyway, mama, you in the film?

- Hmm, I could be.

- Where's the director?

- She's out to lunch.

- She's dead.

- Like, dead off-the-project dead?

Or, like, really dead?

- [Aaliyah] Really dead.

- Like, as-a-doornail, like, dead?

- [Aaliyah] She couldn't be deader.

- [Nate] She went outside, okay?

- [Autumn] And you let her?

- Yeah, well, she was being a dick, so not much I could do.

- We really tried to warn her.

- But what's really going on outside?

Like, is this real?

Is something really happening?

- They said it was a zombie apocalypse.

- Yeah, she literally went outside anyways, and she

got eaten by zombies. - She's dead.

- What is happening?

- Rich, apparently, the shoot is going to be canceled,

'cause the director is just, like, dead.

- Rick, are you paying attention to anything?

- I'm trying my best. - Are you listening?

Is his headphones working?

- He's a moron. - Nate.

BTS, to me.

(Charlie sighs)

- [Autumn] The director's dead.

- Hey, Mom, Kathy.

I'm really sorry about the squirrels.

- Tell your mom I said hi. - Really fucking sorry, Mom.

Okay, well, now that that's done with,

everybody, we're gonna need to barricade this place.

So Zoe, can you put that down, hon?

Aaliyah, I'm looking at you, let's focus up.

We're gonna need to get our phones,

try to get as much footage as possible.

And I want you guys, your hands,

I want you to tape it to your foreheads, okay?

Yes, so yeah, just do that, or something.

and let's go. - Just make sure

they're horizontal, please.

Whoa, man, no wonder Aaliyah won't fuck you.

- Uh, excuse me? - What?

Vertical looks terrible.

He's right. - It does.

It does look terrible.

Or, we have a bunch of strap-ons.

- Ooh, you know what?

We have strap-ons for everybody.

We actually do.

- And they shoot 4K.

- Yeah. - Hell yeah.

That is a great idea.

Way to think, Autumn.

Theodore, way to use your head, like always, buddy.

- [Autumn] He's smarter than he looks.

- [Charlie] I can always count on that guy.

All right, guys, okay. - Let's give her

two strap-ons. - Let's go.

Let's do this, let's get to work.

- Oh, this would've been perfect for Bulgaria.

- Oh my gosh, it would.

(tinsel crinkles)

(upbeat, intense music)

(kiss smacks)

- Tell anybody about this, I'll fucking kill you.

(Rich sighs)

- Okay.

- [Charlie] All right, guys, let's pick this up.

- [Theodore] Dude, this love seat'll work.

- My back kind of hurts, no-can-do.

So, just hind with the legs.

I hurt.

(Charlie winces)

I was like carrying Nate's interview earlier,

but I don't know what the camera guy's excuse is.

- Hey, Charlie. - 'Cause he's like a lazy--

- [Theodore] Will you shut the fuck up, dude?

- No-can-do, Theodore.

Save it for Autumn.

- [Nate] I concur, do you ever shut your mouth?

- Oh, okay.

Just bang it up, bang it up.

I mean, you know how to do that.

Jackpot, yeah.

- All right, oh, fuck.

(metal clangs)

- It looks good on you.

- Thanks.

- [Theodore] That's the perfect hand job.

♪ Deck the halls, muthafucka

- Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

No, no, no, Zoe, Zoe, Zoe, come on.

- Yeah, Nate said the tape was on the porn set, so.

Oh, here.

- Hey, Aaliyah.

Look at my package.

- Can you get more wrapping paper?

- Yeah, sure.

(wrapping paper crinkles)

- And while you're down there. - Hey, you're not telling

anybody about that fucking kiss, are you?

- [Rich] No.

- [Charlie] Cool.

Good.

(paper crinkles)

(paper roll thuds)

What the fuck, Zoe?

Ouch, dude.

That wasn't cool, man.

(Charlie sighs)

(Nate chuckles)

- I'm not that thirsty.

(Rich sighs)

- Sorry, man.

- No.

Cut, bro.

Move, move.

- Yo.

Hey, I knew it was you to hit me

with that paper roll, Aaliyah.

Fuck you. - Fuck you.

- Fuck you.

Hey, yo, Nate, come here, man.

You look tired, buddy, take a seat.

(Charlie sighs)

- So.

What do we do now?

- Just wait for it to be over, I guess.

- Well, in the meantime,

I got some stuff I can share with y'all.

It was supposed to be for the Christmas party,

but given the circumstances.

- Oh, yeah, you said you had a weed stash, right?

- That would be amazing, Charlie.

- Is it good though?

Or is it a weak bowl of shit strain?

- Hey now, look who you're talking to.

Yo, my dad owns a grow house in Oregon.

I mean, y'all, weed runs in my family, okay?

Trust me, this shit is legit.

- [Aaliyah] Prove it.

- All right, you know what?

I forgive y'all, man.

You know, fuck the apocalypse, dudes.

I'm about to give you the best fucking Christmas ever.

(Charlie inhales and exhales)

Let's party, y'all.

(Charlie barks)

(upbeat rock music)

(all cheer)

♪ Santa Claus can suck my dick

♪ The holidays make me feel sick ♪

♪ I don't wanna be here at all

♪ You can deck my hairy balls

♪ Take the elves to the shed out back ♪

♪ And beat 'em all with a baseball bat ♪

♪ All the snowmen are getting high ♪

♪ The reindeer blacked out, and so did I ♪

♪ The holidays can set your heart aglow ♪

♪ But I just want to do some blow ♪

♪ I'm so tired of this Christmas shit ♪

♪ Santa Claus can suck my fuckin' dick ♪

(Charlie coughs)

♪ Santa Claus can suck my fuckin' dick ♪

- Can I talk to you guys a second?

It's about Reggie, man.

(soft, electronic music)

I saw horses in his eyes, man.

He looked at me, when I fucking cracked him.

I saw his whole life flash before my eyes.

Like horses eyes.

And, and I, I, I don't know, man.

Like, it felt kind of good, man.

(upbeat rock music)

♪ Back in the day, we would have a break ♪

♪ But now, we're broke, and we're all half baked ♪

♪ Say, load a bong up and rip it back ♪

- Man, I dropped that shit faster than I dropped Reggie.

Fucking bing-bong, man.

♪ Old St. Nick and the mistletoe ♪

♪ Will bring the gift of fellatio ♪

♪ The holidays could be so full of cheer ♪

♪ But I just want to pound some beer ♪

♪ So tired of this Christmas shit ♪

♪ Santa Claus can suck my fuckin' dick ♪

(Rich groans)

- Boom!

(all laugh)

- Fuck yeah.

(all cheer)

So, like, you tossed his salad?

- Yeah.

I had a little cucumber, chop it up real nice.

- Hey, you got any weed?

- Oh, dude, Zoe, I love you, man.

It's the fuckin' back. - Are you feeling it?

- Hard.

- Good. - You good, too?

- [Theodore] Good, good.

- [Autumn] Sometimes I put a little bit of croutons.

- [Aaliyah] It's good.

- [Autumn] A little olive oil.

- Get it crunchy.

- [Autumn] Get it crunchy, lather it up.

Get it nice and oiled.

- [Theodore] You're talking about salad?

- [Autumn] Yeah, it's a salad.

Dinner salad.

- Oh, that's good. - What, what?

- Yeah. - It's healthy.

- [Charlie] Why are we talking about croutons?

- Talking about salad, man. - That's the crunch.

- A salad. - Salad?

- Yeah, like at dinner. - Hey.

- [Theodore] It's like before dinner.

Sometimes, you eat it for dinner.

- [Autumn] Yeah, it's green.

- Look what I found.

- It's the real weed, not that fake stuff

Charlie's been passing around.

Do you wanna try it?

- Oh, no, but thanks.

I appreciate it.

(lighter clicks)

- I'm hungry.

- [Charlie] Hey man, good for you for saying that.

Some people are embarrassed.

- Hey, I'm gonna get food.

(group murmurs)

- [Charlie] No, I'm saying like, good for you

for saying that. - There you go.

- [Charlie] You know what?

Good, that's good. - Ooo, cute little doggie.

Step aside, so I can pass. (nutcracker clicks)

- [Charlie] Hey.

- Nice to meet you, too.

- [Charlie] Hey.

(candy cane rattles)

Hey.

(victims shrieking)

- Aw, you're hungry, you got some finger food.

(zombies slurp and moan)

(suspenseful music)

Boop.

Like my, yo.

Hey yo, Zoe, what the fuck?

Where did you go? - Oh my God. Zoe,

you went outside?

- I was hungry, so I got some snacks from my car.

Do you want some? - No, I absolutely

don't want any snacks. - What happened?

Are you okay? - Not good.

- Hey, Zoe.

Fuck, Zoe.

Hey, look at me.

(hands clap)

Earth to fucking Captain Yellow,

we're in apocalypse right now.

What are you doing going outside?

Jesus, don't hurt yourself.

(chair rattles)

- Um. - Hey.

- Why is everyone so mad?

- 'Cause you endangered us all, dingle butt.

- Hey, there's no need for name-calling.

- Hold on a sec.

How high are you, exactly?

Okay, I see.

(Zoe snickers)

I see.

- [Theodore] See what, we're all baked.

(Zoe and Charlie chuckle)

- Oh, okay. - She's on a different level.

- No, no, no, she didn't have the normal, did you?

Zoe, she had the really good shit.

- Oh, so you were

holding out on us? - Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. - Yeah, what is

the really good shit?

- Excuse me, sweetheart.

All right, let papa tell you.

Okay, lean in, get in here.

- [Autumn] Yeah, I wanna hear.

- It's from my secret stash, okay?

It is a secret hybrid grow.

It's a unique creation of mine.

I haven't even tried it.

I've been afraid.

I mean, look at her, okay?

It's supposed to be off limits, man.

But I think that we might've

just stumbled on something really big.

- [Autumn] How big is really big?

- Like, fucking massive, guys.

I mean, think about it, okay?

Look at her.

Look at Zoe right now, okay?

Like, really look at her fucking face.

- She's wrecked. - Yeah, she's taken

a couple hits and she's, what?

High as fuck.

- And she's also dumb. - Hey, look at her.

No, she's not dumb.

But look at her, dude.

She shambling around, she's mumbling, she's humming.

She just went outside, she doesn't have

a scratch on her. (Zoe giggles)

What does she look like to you?

- Okay, okay, hold on.

Are you-- - She looks like a child,

with no brains.

- But are you really trying to say

that your weed is so powerful

that it makes Zoe look like a zombie?

And Zoe got ignored by the zombies waiting outside,

because your weed is basically, like,

I don't know, some zombie vaccine?

- Yes, exactly.

That's exactly what I'm saying, Nate.

- You must be joking.

- That's some horse shit. - Please be joking.

- [Aaliyah] That is the dumbest shit

I've ever heard, Charlie.

- No, Aaliyah, that is the best shit that you've ever heard.

Guys. - You're delusional.

- Guys, think about it.

Dude, I just created a fucking cure for the apocalypse.

- [Theodore] Oh, here we go.

- No, no. - Here we go.

No, shut the fuck up, Theodore.

Nate, get in the back, get my secret stash,

bring it out here. - Hey.

- We need to show everybody this, okay?

(Nate sighs)

- Don't treat him that way. - Dudes, I have,

- He's sensitive. - I'm gonna save

the fucking world, I'm gonna call this zombie strain, man.

- Hey, shh, guys.

(wall thuds)

Look at this.

- Yo, get the fuck outta the way.

What?

Oh my.

(child shouts)

Oh, my God.

Theodore, go lock the break room door right now.

- Gladly.

(soft, eerie music)

- I think we should help her.

- But then, we'd have to open the door.

- Zoe just smoked some zombie strain.

She should go out there.

- Don't be ridiculous.

- Are you actually still trying to convince us

that smoking your weeded prevents zombie attacks?

- There's only one way to find out, guys.

- Everything is spinning.

And fuck you, I cleaned the room.

- Yeah, maybe you should smoke

some zombie strain and rescue the kid.

The zombies won't touch you.

- Whoa. - Unless.

- Yo, I gotta be here.

I gotta fucking focus on this, man.

- Mmhmm. - You know what?

That's a stupid fucking idea, Nate.

(zombies groan)

(child shouts)

Well, that back door is secured,

so unfortunately, that kid is zombie food.

(zombies roar)

Okay, who forgot to lock the back door?

(child screams)

(soft, eerie music)

(zombies groan)

- Fuck, Charlie.

- All right, everybody, let's just all remain calm.

Take a deep breath with me, right?

- No.

(zombies moan)

(electricity buzzes)

- [Charlie] Freeze.

- What just happened?

(zombies growl)

- That can't be good.

- He sounds cranky.

- Now, we're fucked.

- No.

No we're not, guys.

We just got a little problem.

- [Nate] What do we do?

- I don't know, man.

Just gimme a second to think, Nate.

(ominous music)

Okay, okay, nobody freak out.

(Charlie sighs)

Everyone just stay calm, stay quiet.

We need to just chill, because there are

obviously zombies in the building now.

- Wait.

You still have those security cameras, right?

- Mmhmm. - Are they connected

to the main power grid?

- No, actually, they're battery powered,

because I figured that was necessary.

California's the fifth largest economy in the world,

but still has rolling blackouts.

- Okay, okay, okay.

Is there any way that we can access

those camera feeds while the power's out?

- Oh, my laptop.

- Goddamn, dude. - I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I can't see that great.

Just don't take it personally. - Calm the fuck down.

- Okay, okay.

Come on, come on.

Hope it has battery.

(animal noises) (actors moan)

Oh.

- Is that Autumn?

- Does anyone have eye bleach?

- Okay, there it is, okay.

We need to turn on the hotspot,

because the WiFi is out, because of the power.

And now I need to, okay,

activate, activate, activate, activate,

the night vision, so I can--

- Come on. - Yeah, so I can

activate the cameras, okay.

(Charlie sighs)

- Oh, right there.

There's one.

(eerie music)

(zombie softly pants)

- Is that where the circuit breaker is?

- Don't touch the screen. - Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Is that where the circuit breaker is, next to the back door?

- Why, yes it is, Autumn.

- Okay, that explains it.

I need to go there.

- [Theodore] Why?

- Because the zombies, they must have damaged it,

or a switch got tripped somehow.

That's why the power's out.

- Thanks, Zoe.

- Now I can see you.

- Of course, why didn't I think about that?

- So, you'd be able to fix the circuit breaker?

- Yes. - How?

- I'm an electrical engineering student.

The erotic video and all that kind of stuff

is just to pay my tuition.

- I just used my nine inches to get paid.

- Got a big dick.

- He does.

- Okay, well, you can't go out there alone,

so I can go with you.

- No Nate, you're sitting here.

- Thank you.

- Why?

- I need you to stand guard in the lobby,

because Autumn has to go through the stage

to get to the circuit breaker,

and it'll be really dangerous,

and I need you out there to guard, to watch,

so if zombies get close by, you can yell for me.

- Okay, all right.

- Okay.

Autumn.

- Yes. - Come here.

Listen close.

(Charlie exhales)

As soon as the lights come on, I need you to run.

I mean, run back to the lobby door.

Knock on it so we can come let you back in.

- Okay, I can run fast.

- I'll go with her.

- Thanks, Teddy.

I could use a strong set of hands, yeah.

Rich?

Rich, do you wanna come with us?

You have the boom pole, that could be helpful.

- You wanna do coke?

- No, the boom pole, Rich.

If the zombies come, you just give it a good smack.

- Sure, whatever, yeah.

- Okay.

- I'll go with them, too.

- No, Aaliyah, you're staying here.

(Charlie sighs)

Three people's already pushing it.

Look at me, we want to minimize

the chances of the zombies seeing them.

We don't want them to have

a fucking buffet, all right? - Fine, just shut up.

- Is there anything around here,

anything that we could use as a weapon?

- Horses in his eyes?

Horses in his eyes.

Reggie, Reggie, Reggie.

(Charlie sighs)

Theodore, in the lobby,

I left the bat behind the weird tree thing.

- Got it.

- Okay, Theodore.

Autumn. - Yes.

- Rich.

You guys are gonna be Team Penetrate.

I'm gonna strap you on, strap you in,

get those access cameras.

Nate, I need you to get the B-camera.

I need you to follow them and watch them.

I want proof if anything happens, I do not want to get sued.

Hands in.

(hands clap)

Not you, you get outta here.

- Alright, Team Penetrate.

You fucking pig. - We're gonna say a prayer.

You're like a demon.

Okay. (Charlie sighs)

Guys, I'm gonna say a prayer.

Heads down, please, moment of silence.

Not for you, but for me, okay.

Hey God, it's me, Charlie.

I want to apologize for Reggie, but at least you got

a really good intern up there to watch the squirrels.

Okay.

And one, two, three.

Penetrate. - Team penetrate.

- Woo. - Woo.

Okay. - Okay.

- All right, gonna get my combat boots on.

- I'll grab the camera.

- [Theodore] Let's get outta here

before more zombies show up.

- Good luck.

- Thank you. - Psst.

Aaliyah, I need you to gimme your phone,

so I can call Autumn, so we can communicate with them.

- Why does it have to be my phone?

I'm trying to save battery.

- She's in the hot spot, we can't mess with that.

(Aaliyah grunts) (Charlie sighs)

You are so stubborn.

You must have had a really bad mom, or something.

(flashlights click)

(soft, ominous music)

- Charlie, are we in the clear?

- Hey.

(screen thuds) Autumn, turn to your left.

I'm literally in the same room as you, dumb ass.

- So far, no zombies yet.

- Guy's making jokes in the zombie apocalypse.

(Autumn sighs)

- I thought she was like an engineer or something.

I guess not.

(cord rattles) (Autumn sighs)

- [Theodore] Definitely could've been decorated better.

(soft, eerie music)

(Autumn gasps)

- Quiet on set.

- Jackpot.

- Aw.

- Beautiful, right? - Yeah, it's beautiful.

- All right, let's keep it moving.

- Okay.

Okay, okay. - We don't have time.

- Okay, so here's the thing.

- [Autumn] What is it?

- There's zombies in the main stage area.

So, you're gonna have to turn

your flashlights off when you go in there.

- No way.

Are you crazy? - No, we'll be fumbling

around in the dark all day.

- If you got your flashlights on,

the zombies are gonna know exactly where you are.

- Oh, that's what the baseball bat is for.

- Do you really wanna take that risk?

- Theodore, this is Aaliyah.

Don't do anything stupid, please.

- You think I'm trying to?

- I can see the zombies right here on my camera.

I'm gonna tell you guys exactly where to go.

Don't you take that phone away from me again,

especially when I'm using it for something important.

(Charlie exhales)

All right, we're gonna take this nice and slow.

It's gonna be okay, guys.

Trust me?

- I don't know, should I?

- We'll give it a shot.

- We got people leaving doors

unlocked in here and shit. - But if you lead us astray.

- Why didn't you guys just get going

before they hear you, please?

(table thuds)

Chop-chop.

Amateurs.

(flashlights click)

- [Theodore] Look, it's dark.

We can't see anything.

I want you to take my hand.

- Okay, okay, okay, but listen to me.

I know that we had sex on camera earlier,

but like, this is just work, this isn't--

- Yeah, no, I understand that.

- Okay.

- I compartmentalize everything.

Trust me, that's why I'm a star.

- Okay.

- Anyway, you are gonna grab my wrist, okay?

Be careful, though.

And then, we're gonna rely off Charlie's directions.

Yeah, he's an idiot, but he's the only thing we got.

And Rick.

- What? - Rich.

- [Rich] What, go ahead.

- [Theodore] You don't really care what I call you, right?

- That's fine. - It's an apocalypse.

Who cares? - It's okay.

- [Theodore] You're touching my, that ain't my wrist.

- [Rich] Oh, sorry.

[Rich] Whoa...

- [Theodore] Go ahead.

(door clangs) Yeah, quiet.

- [Autumn] Oh, gosh, let's hope zombies don't hear.

- [Theodore] Well, I don't think zombies can hear anything.

(Autumn hushing)

They only hear footprints.

- [Autumn] Okay.

- All right.

(Charlie sighs)

- Dum-dums, here we go.

First off, hug the right wall,

that's the right wall, and move slow.

- [Autumn] Hug the wall.

Shock the fuck wall.

- [Theodore] I always wondered why

the zombies got a bad rap.

- [Autumn] Yeah, I know.

(soft, eerie music)

Oh my gosh, what is that?

- Autumn shut up, or they're gonna fucking hear you.

(zombie groans)

All right, there's one.

At,

Fuck, I shouldn't have been in a shit school.

One, two, three, four, five, six.

Okay, at 10, 10:00.

Move slowly and quickly, forward.

(ominous music)

- [Autumn] Ow.

- No, no no!

No, don't!

(Charlie freaking out)

- Okay, new strategy, give me the phone.

- No, no.

- [Theodore] Ah, cock slam!

Go, go, go. (zombie groans)

Oh my God, what's that guy's name again?

What's the sound guy's name?

- Rich, asshole.

- I know I'm a rich asshole

. What's the sound guy's name, Aaliyah?

- His name is Rich.

You're a dumbass.

Give me the phone. - No, no.

Hey, hey. - Yes, you're selfish.

I'm the one--

- All right, that's enough!

I thought you would've learned from all those HR seminars.

How dare you invade my personal space, Aaliyah?

(Charlie pants)

- Are you okay?

- I'm fine, Zoe.

- You're a crisis.

- What is your problem?

- Get the fuck out now!

- Fuck! Jesus!

- You're a little leprechaun demon, I hope you die.

- [Rich] Little girl?

(child hums) Is that you?

- [Aaliyah] God.

Shit. - What's going on?

Charlie's gonna get us all killed.

- Are the others okay?

- Nope, they're running for their lives,

and Charlie kicked me out for trying to help.

- What? - Yeah.

- I'm going in there. - He locked the door.

Let's just stay out here,

and if we hear screams, we can go help.

- Goddammit!

God, it's me, again.

Your warrior of change.

If it's within your power, can you please, please,

for the love of Jesus, and I know you love your Son,

and you love me, deny Aaliyah access to Your holy kingdom.

Take this as a prayer.

(Charlie chants in falsetto)

I dunno, just please, I hate her so much.

- What's wrong?

- Autumn won't answer her phone.

- Maybe she doesn't wanna answer her phone.

- You think, Zoe?

You think? (Zoe gasps)

- Maybe she put it on do not disturb.

- Nate, I think you should be in charge.

- Wait, me?

Why?

- You're smarter than Charlie.

You actually care about us.

- I'm surprised you noticed.

- Yeah, you're proactive, you've got morals.

- I feel the same way about you.

- Nate, you are a thoughtful person who's on top of things.

Charlie is a loser who lets a porn crew

shoot in his new sound stage because he has

no business plan or management skills.

- I think if you had been in charge,

you would've made sure all the doors were secured,

and there'd be no zombies in here.

Just us.

- [Rich] Hello?

Are you still there?

(child hums)

It's okay.

You're safe now, okay?

Little girl?

(zombie moans) Not good.

- Or maybe it's on airplane mode.

That does the same thing, except we're not in an airplane.

Weird.

- Wow, that weed must be a lot stronger than I thought.

- It's not just weed, it's the really good shit.

(door pounds)

- It's Nate, open up. - What?

(door pounds) - Let us in.

Charlie. - Come on, Charlie.

- Guard the fucking other door!

- Open up, right now.

- Guard the door!

(Rich yells)

- [Theodore] Zombie piece of shit.

- [Nate] Come on.

- Zombie strain, zombie strain...

- [Autumn] Teddy, Teddy, use that big-dick energy.

Use it.

- [Theodore] I got the dick of the decade.

- [Autumn] Oh, there we go.

There we go, there we go.

Gotta go, gotta go fast.

(Autumns gasps)

(zombie roars)

(Autumn screams)

- [Theodore] Come on, get up.

- Ow. - Come on.

(child cries)

Come on, come on, come on.

(Autumn pants)

Come on.

He's dead.

- Come on, come on. - Get inside.

Come on, hurry - Come on, come on, come on.

- Whoa, shit.

- How do you do that with a nine-inch cock?

- Are you okay?

- Where's the bathroom?

- It's in the stage.

- You could go change in the storage room.

- No way, there's a corpse in there, and cameras.

- You can go to Charlie's office.

There's no cameras in there, and the doors lock.

Oh, shit.

(Zoe gasps)

- Oh my gosh, do you need a pad?

- Wait, aren't we missing somebody.

- Rich, Theo?

Oh my God, guys.

Rich is dead.

- Jesus.

- Rich is dead.

- Autumn looked like she slipped and fell in a pile of guts.

- It's traumatizing.

- Let's give her some space, she needs it.

- What happened?

- Rich is dead.

- Who is that again?

- The guy with the big headphones.

- Oh, right.

I'm so sorry.

Do you want some?

- No, Zoe.

- I just thought since you were stressed.

- What, do I look like a pothead?

Now's not the time for weed, somebody died.

- Okay.

(lighter clicks)

- We gotta do something about these zombies.

- I couldn't agree more.

Oh, are there any other exits you forgot?

- No, just that one.

- Have any of the zombies been killed so far?

- Nope. - Fuck.

- Great.

- We gotta get rid of these zombies, and now.

They could trip to power again,

and we'd be right back where we started.

- How many did you see in there, Theo?

You have the security cameras right there.

You could check them yourself, asshole.

- Right, yeah, right.

- Why did I listen to you, Charlie?

I just stood right here in the hall

while you messed things up and got somebody killed.

- No, I didn't get anybody killed.

I called Autumn, okay?

She stopped answering when shit got bad.

I told her so many times, if she would've picked up,

I could've told her that that little kid

that Rich was hanging out with was acting weird,

and then he'd still be alive.

- So, now we're victim blaming.

- Oh, gimme a break!

- I can't believe this. - Just shut up.

- They came for you.

- Shut up, man, you shut up. - Wait, wait, wait, wait.

I hear something, guys.

- [Autumns Can someone help me, please?

- I'll go, you guys stay here.

- Hey, could you be my hero and grab me a change of clothes?

- Yeah, of course. - I think my bag's

in the lobby.

- Okay, yeah.

Here.

- Thank you.

- [Nate] Where can we find weapons?

- I don't know.

Theodore had a bat.

Rich had a boom pole, but those got lost on the stage.

- Is there anything else, somewhere we haven't checked?

(Zoe gasps)

- Sex dungeon.

- What?

- They built a sex dungeon set.

It's where they keep all the kinky stuff.

- A sex dungeon in a Christmas porn?

Zoe, how do you know about this?

- Well, I went exploring after lunch

before we saw our first zombie.

(Zoe gasps)

Nate, you could hit him with a sex whip.

(Zoe exhales)

- How are you still high?

(Zoe exhales)

- All right, but she's onto something though, right?

- I mean, I'd be surprised if anything

they brought wasn't rubber, but,

I mean, honestly, I don't know Nate.

That director was crazy, so.

- Sounds like it's worth a shot.

(door clicks)

- I'm back.

What's the plan?

(Charlie sighs)

- We're going to the sex dungeon.

(hands clap)

(Zoe gasps)

- Sex dungeon!

- This is just the zombie closet.

- I think they were using this

as a prop room, not a sex dungeon.

- How are you planning to use

all that stuff in a Christmas porn?

- The director thought that it would be edgy,

something you've never seen before.

She said you don't know what Santa

and Mrs. Claus do when he comes home from work.

she's going to jingle his balls

all the way to Christmas!

- That is so messed up.

- That's good.

(soft, ominous music)

- It's so soft.

(Zoe giggles)

Nate, look how soft it is.

- Stop it.

Can we be serious, please?

- Yeah, yeah, okay.

(Charlie sighs)

Let's do this.

- Hell yeah. - Let's do this.

(soft, intense music)

(tape crunches)

- Autumn, why do you have nunchucks?

- I don't know how they got here,

but I know how to use them.

- [Charlie] Huh.

- All right, so what's the plan?

- Okay, well, we're gonna go in there.

We're going to skewer all the zombies in the brain,

and then, we're gonna grab them,

and we're just gonna put 'em right in here.

- That sounds like a bad plan.

- Okay, why?

Why is it a bad plan, Aaliyah?

- Because some of these weapons are just dumb props.

- Hey, somebody must have worked hard

to make these the way our director wanted them.

- Nobody cares.

- Madame Money Shot cared, and she got eaten by zombies.

- Well, Autumn, we're going to go in there,

we're going to defend her honor,

and we're gonna kill her enemies

and our enemies, right guys?

- Yeah.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Okay, but seriously.

We can attack them from both sides, right?

Three of us go one way, three of us go the other.

- I think you're forgetting someone, Nate,

so it doesn't really count.

- All right.

How about this?

Theo and I go one way, and you and the girls go the other.

- Why am I stuck with the girls?

- Oh, boo. - Sexist.

- Oh, come on.

I mean, Aaliyah has candy canes, Autumn has nunchucks.

You can't really stab zombies in the brain with those, Nate.

- But they can distract the zombies,

and you can stab them with your makeshift thing.

- Yeah, yeah, you're right.

You're right. - Hey.

- Hey, Aaliyah. - That works.

So. - Come here.

- Right, well then, what are we gonna do?

- Okay, if Theo and I go to the left--

- Come here.

- Okay.

Are you okay?

- You want some?

- I don't need more weed, Zoe.

- But it's the really good shit.

- No, I need my reflexes for fighting zombies.

- Just one hit, I offered some to Nate,

but he's being really boring.

- Well, he is really boring.

(Aaliyah chuckles)

- You think so?

I thought you liked him.

- No.

- Really?

Well, if you don't like Nate,

don't you think you should tell him that?

- Okay, I just want us to get out of this alive, okay?

I cannot be dealing with disappointed men right now.

Okay? - Okay.

- So, try to sober up.

- Do you want some?

- [BTS Guy] Sure.

(intense, funky music)

- Okay, yeah, that makes sense.

So, we talked about it.

We're going to hit the enemy from both sides.

- Charlie, what does that represent?

- Hitting the enemy from both sides, just go with it.

Yes, please, just, um, okay guys.

I'm gonna be real with you.

Take a deep breath, just in, and out.

(Zoe sighs deeply)

Some of us might die, but that's life.

But we don't want it to be this life.

So, let's just all remain calm, be a team,

and avenge our friends and fight for our friends now.

So, hands in.

I mean you too, Aaliyah.

You're part of this.

Okay guys, I want you to say it after me.

We are team Don't Die For Charlie, okay?

We are team Don't Die For Charlie.

Ready, one-- - And for Rich.

Yes, and we're doing this for Rich.

So, ready?

One, two, three.

Don't Die for Charlie. - Charlie.

Oh.

(Autumn exhales)

- Reggie.

I'm gonna protect my little wolves, Reggie.

I'm gonna do it for you, man.

(Charlie sighs)

Okay.

Nate, BTS guy, I want you guys to refill the batteries.

I don't wanna miss anything.

This is my moment, and I don't wanna get sued, so,

(hands clap)

let's go, let's get our game faces on.

(Charlie exhales)

Let's do this.

(zombie grunts)

- [Zoe] Excuse me, just don't mind me.

- [Charlie] Zoe, Zoe, Zoe.

(Zoe gasps)

- Hi. - Zoe, quick.

Push forward.

I'm gonna mess you up, man. (zombie roars)

Don't do it, don't break formation, man.

- Here. - Zoe.

(zombies groan and snort)

Come here, they'll take care of you.

(zombies groan)

Whoa.

Okay.

Bye now.

I'm not trying to leave. - Zoe, Zoe.

- I'm gonna wrap you up. (zombie groans)

- Oh, you wanna dance?

- Zoe, there's zombies all over the room.

- [Zoe] Dance with me, Nathaniel.

- [Nate] Come on.

- [Zoe] Bad zombie.

- Oh my gosh, you two get a room, I got this.

(Aaliyah groans)

- Zoe, we can dance later after we kill all the zombies.

(zombie hisses)

- [Nate] Let's have our dance in the lobby.

- Really? - Nate.

- She'll die if she stays.

- [Charlie] Nobody's leaving until we kill all the zombies!

(Charlie shouts)

(flesh crunches)

- [Zoe] Nate and I are going to the lobby.

- No, no, you can't leave, Zoe.

- Charlie, back off.

- No, you back off.

I'm the boss, remember?

- There is no boss, there's zombies.

- What are you talking about, dude?

I'm still the fucking boss, man.

This is still America! - Charlie, I swear.

- [Theodore] Hey morons, knock it off.

- [Aaliyah] No.

- Oh, fuck.

(Autumn shrieks and grunts)

(intense percussive music)

Bing-bong.

You, Teddy.

- Sweet Prince.

Nate, I forgive you for now.

We need to clean up this place, we need to help Theo.

Go, clear the bodies off.

Zoe, help him, please.

Aaliyah, I need you to get sheets and a med kit.

Okay, go. - On it.

- Wait, wait, wait, come here, come here.

I know we've had our differences,

but this is Theo's moment.

Move B-cam and focus on that.

- Okay. - For Theo.

- [Nate] Okay, we'll just--

- This is your moment, sweet king.

- Goddamn, an-dick-conda.

Man, come on, dude, don't you have a soul?

Why don't you do something for once?

(Charlie coughs and retches)

(soft piano music)

Oh, my God.

You're gonna be fine, man, just hold it, hold it.

I once wanted, your turn, your turn,

I wanted to go to middle school,

medical cool, school, once, so.

Oh, my God. I haven't stuttered since, since third grade.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

(Charlie shushes)

Papa's got a bandaid, Papa's got a bandaid, okay?

It's okay, it's okay.

(Charlie retches)

Okay, you're gonna be fine.

You're gonna be good.

Nate.

Nate, I need your help.

- [Nate] Zoe--

(Charlie shrieks)

Can you take care of a B camera real quick?

- Okay.

Ready, one, two, three.

Use your legs, don't hinge, don't hinge.

Ready, one, two, three, oh my god, this guy's all cock.

You have a big cock.

Oh, my God, my back, my back.

Oh, my God, Theo.

Theo, not him, not him, me, me, me.

I'm right here, Papa's right here, okay?

Man, son of nine inches, house of porn,

may you're balls carry you to Valhalla, man,

among all those sexy, sexy, sexy valkyrie bitches, you know?

They're so hot, man.

You're gonna be fine, just keep pressure, man.

And then your balls, I mean, not your balls, man.

We talked about your balls, but your shaft, it's pretty big.

Be like a tree, you know?

In the Amazon, like one of those like redwoods.

It's big and thick and--

- Don't play with that.

- May you orgy until kingdom comes again, man.

(Autumn sighs)

- Whoa.

Is that a body?

- Oh, yeah.

That was Reggie, the other intern.

He got bit, and Charlie hit him in the head with a bat.

- I guess that guy was a real person once.

- He was a bit of a bro, but yeah, he was all right.

- Bros are people, too.

- Well, that's debatable.

- I think you're just trying to justify it,

because these people, they had lives,

and we got them killed.

- Yeah, you're right.

Especially because I don't wanna

go back out there with those stupid men

as they decide what to do about Theodore.

- Me, neither.

But you and I, we gotta do something.

We're the only ones with any sense.

- Yeah, I agree.

You know what?

I think he'd wanna be buried with that.

- Yeah.

(Aaliyah and Autumn sob)

Yeah, he would.

Rich.

I'm so sorry.

(Autumn sights)

It was my fault, I should have protected you.

But we hope you're in heaven,

and I know you'd want to be buried with this boom pole.

And I would've gotten you cocaine,

but I couldn't find any.

- [Aaliyah] God, he loved cocaine.

- He did.

- And you know what?

I'm sure there's cocaine in heaven, so.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

- Let's get outta here.

(Autumn sobs)

I'm sorry, Rich.

Sorry.

- We've gotta figure out what to do with him.

- We have to kill him, you know.

- No, we don't.

There must be another way.

- We already killed Reggie, Nate.

- No, you killed Reggie.

Nobody else agreed to that.

- He looks really pale.

Kind of like a vampire, but a not-sexy one.

- Zoe, why'd you get so close?

He could bite you.

- [Zoe] He's not a zombie, Nate.

He just looks really high.

- [Nate] He's not really high, Zoe, he's half dead.

- And now he's full dead. (flesh crunches)

- Charlie. - What the fuck, Charlie?

You murdered him!

- No, Nate, I put him out of his misery.

- You're a psycho.

(soft, tense music)

- You, you, take Theodore, put him in the closet.

Now!

- Teddy.

Teddy, I'm so sorry, Teddy.

Everybody will remember your big dick energy.

No one will forget it, and I'm sorry, I shouldn't--

- Whoa, whoa, what are you doing?

- I just wanna say goodbye.

- No, no, no.

You will turn into a zombie, Autumn.

You can't do that, okay?

(Autumn sobs)

Fucking smells in here.

We gotta go, come on.

(zombies growl)

- He's dead.

He was good to us.

He was a real friend of us, and he's dead.

- Ah, he was more of a client to me.

- We were in this together.

We were supposed to make decisions as a group.

You just killed him without a second thought?

Forget what I think, forget what Aaliyah thinks.

- Who caress what Aaliyah thinks, she's an intern.

- She's a person, Charlie.

And she has lots of great qualities.

- Oh, yeah?

Like what?

- She's smart.

She's brave. - Mmhmm.

- She's funny, she's creative.

- And she's got curves, and she flutters

her eyes at you when she needs something.

- Hey, it's not like that.

(Charlie chuckles)

Come on, Nathaniel.

Who do you think you're kidding?

- I have pretty eyelashes, don't I?

- One second Zoe, I'm talking to Nate.

I'm trying to see if he has any balls of his own.

- You have very pretty eyelashes, Zoe.

- Oh, thanks.

- But that's not the point.

We've been surviving these zombie attacks as a team,

and it's so unfair to everybody

when you just go and make decisions by yourself.

Is this funny to you?

(Charlie chuckles)

It's not okay.

- Yeah.

Let's get something straight, shall we?

I'm your boss.

And you're my ass-istant.

And no matter how cute Zoe is, or the curves on Aaliyah,

they're still just fucking interns.

- Don't say that.

- And Autumn is just a hoe-for-hire

on a production that doesn't even exist anymore.

- And the best in the biz.

- Oh.

Autumn, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there.

- You did, but I'm not mad.

There are more important things to be mad about right now.

I'll worry about our society's attitude towards sex workers

when the zombie apocalypse is over.

Besides, I've seen you checkin' out this hoe-for-hire.

Don't deny it.

(Charlie chuckles)

- I can't believe you didn't take Theodore

to the zombie closet yourself.

- It's the apocalypse, Nate.

Everybody's equal, why do I have to do the heavy lifting?

You're such an asshole.

(rod clanks)

Okay, that's it.

I am going to kill you!

- [Aaliyah] Hey.

Nate, just step back.

Take a deep breath.

(Charlie and Nate pant)

(Charlie spits) - I see how it is.

Yeah, just as I said.

Have your little leprechaun pretty lady manipulate you

into taking her side and betray me.

- Back up. - Fuck you, Charlie.

- Hey, hey.

It looks like you're running hot.

Why don't we go back to your room?

- It's an office, Autumn.

- Well, your bed looked really comfy.

I could really use this stiff one right now.

All this fighting has made me really thirsty.

- Sure.

Yeah, that actually sounds kind of fun, kind of nice.

Excuse me.

(Charlie sighs)

Oh God, I just gotta get my phone.

You know, I'm sorry, Nate.

- Charlie.

- Fuck you.

Call me your assistant again, and see what happens.

- Ass-istant.

And I think you're forgetting I've killed one people,

I've killed two people, you're gonna be number three, okay?

Enjoy your leprechaun demon.

Come on, Autumn.

You are looking really good, so.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

How do you like the place?

- The sound stage?

- Yeah, I mean, it cost a lot of money.

I put everything I have in into it.

It's complicated, but yeah.

- It's really big.

(Charlie chuckles)

- Yeah? - And tough.

Just like it's owner.

- Oh?

I mean, yeah. I mean, I'm pretty hard.

I mean, I mean, the permits were pretty hard to get.

And I, I am, I'm pretty, I mean, I can get hard, you know?

I mean, I'm,

(Charlie stammers)

- So, on the stage?

- After, yeah, after you, sorry.

You, you, you're really a very beautiful woman,

so, I'm a little, getting a little nervous, you know?

Oh, excuse, excuse me.

Okay.

(Charlie chuckles)

Okay.

(tense music)

- [Autumn] Oh yes.

- [Charlie] Yeah, go for it, yeah.

(Charlie and Autumn chuckle)

(Autumn hums)

Whoa, okay.

I didn't want any anyways, so.

(Autumn belches)

- Oh, that hits the spot.

- [Charlie] Yeah.

- Where did you get it?

- A convenience store?

- I wish there was more.

- Oh, I don't think that whiskey's anything special.

Whoa, are you okay?

- Is it hot in here?

- Uh, I got--

- Or is it just me?

- Yeah, well I got central AC, so maybe.

But whoa, are you bleeding?

(Charlie coughs)

- Oh, yes.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Oh, yes.

(Charlie cheers)

Why don't your parents have a zipper?

- Um, my mom bought these for me.

Yeah.

(pants rip)

- Why are we sneaking around again?

- I wanna make sure Autumn's okay.

- She seemed fine, right?

- Once again, you're completely missing the point, okay?

I can't have a girl who's having a bad night

leave the crowd with a total creep.

There are rules, Nate.

- what do you think is gonna happen now?

- What do you think is gonna happen now?

- I don't know.

- Of course not.

(Aaliyah sighs)

- Everyone seems upset.

Just gonna get some zombie strain.

I think Charlie had some.

- No, no, no, no, don't.

If I were you, I wouldn't go in there.

Zoe, quick, cut it out.

- I need more weed.

- Trust me, if you go in there,

you might not like what you see.

- Why not?

- You might be interrupting.

(Zoe gasps)

Do you think they're?

- Probably, yeah.

(Zoe giggles) (Nate groans)

- Gross.

Why would she want do that with Charlie?

- Probably 'cause Charlie has killed, like,

multiple people without remorse, and she doesn't want--

- Zoe.

- I'm so quiet, I'm a ninja.

- Fuck. (Nate sighs)

- Hey Zoe, what are you doing in here?

- I forgot something just came to grab it real quick.

Don't mind me.

- What?

- Don't focus on her.

Focus on me.

- Are are really gonna do this with her here?

- I don't mind having an audience.

What, are you scared?

(Charlie laughs)

- No, I'm not scared.

- Then let's go.

(Zoe gasps)

- Ah, yes.

(Charlie laughs)

- Yeah.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- This is for Theo.

- What?

- Hey Charlie, take a couple of deep breaths in

before you finish, it'll help.

- What the fuck?

Whoa. - Naughty Charlie.

(Charlie cheers and moans)

- Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick.

- Yeah, I think we should go somewhere else.

- But what if she's not okay?

- Aaliyah, I think she decided what she wants to do.

Who are we to say that she shouldn't?

- But, eh, that's vile.

- Okay, then I guess we'll stay here, then, just in case.

Hopefully no one throws up.

(Charlie cheers and shouts)

What have you got there, Zoe?

- Nate, it's the jackpot.

(box rattles)

Zombie strain.

You want a hit?

(Nate sighs)

- I almost think that I'm the one who's wrong about weed.

I thought I needed to keep my wits about me

in order to stay alive.

Thought that weed just makes you stupid.

(bong water gurgles)

And I thought you were, I don't know, a good girl?

(Zoe exhales)

(Super Zombie growls)

(door thuds)

(Super Zombie pants)

(Super Zombie roars)

(flesh oozes)

- I am a good girl.

And I like weed.

(Charlie shrieks)

(suspenseful music)

- [Aaliyah] Whoa, oh.

- [Nate] Whoa, whoa.

(Charlie pants)

- Hey, what happened?

- It's gone.

It's gone.

- What do you mean, it's gone?

- She bit it off, Nate.

(door creaks)

(penis bleats)

- Is that?

(Charlie groans)

(penis bleats)

(blood oozes)

(penis bleats)

- [Charlie] My dick.

- Oh, I'm gonna be sick.

- It's okay, it's okay. - Hey.

Come back here, I gotta give you back to Charlie.

Don't worry, Charlie, I'm gonna get it for you.

- Oh, my God.

Zoe, get out of there.

(Autumn roars)

- Hey, don't bite us, get him, get him.

- No, Charlie.

- Who cares?

Oh, my God.

- I do.

(Autumn shrieks)

- Okay, well, unless you can stop her

from biting everybody--

- [Nate] It's a trap.

- No, she will bite him and run away, okay?

He's done for, just,

Nate, I wanna get out of here alive.

- Shut the fuck up and help me!

- Okay!

(Autumn shrieks)

(Super Zombie grunts and growls)

(suspenseful music)

(Autumn shrieks)

- Do it.

- Oh, my God! - Do it, now.

(flesh crunches) (Aaliyah gasps)

- Oh, shit.

(soft, ominous music)

- Guess she is going in the zombie closet.

(Nate pants)

All right, we got Charlie settled.

Did you think his dick was gonna be that big?

- Oh, hell no.

I, yeah.

- I mean-- - There's no way.

- If he wasn't such a dick,

he probably would've had a good life.

- Maybe.

Zombie closet?

- Yeah.

- I'm gonna grab her legs.

- Okay. - All right.

Okay, so.

- All right.

- Alrighty.

- Three, two, one.

- Okay. - Okay.

- Okay, come on, quick.

Quick, quick, quick. - Shit.

How is she heavier than Theo?

- Because she actually worked out.

Okay.

Oh, you know what?

Why don't you give this to our new Ken doll?

- Why is this happening to us?

- Honestly, it's probably something you did, Nate.

- Let's check on Charlie.

- Oh, shit, sorry man.

I wasn't thinking.

I deserve that, okay.

(pencil scribbles)

Come on.

- Use this to stop the bleeding.

- Could you please describe the missing penis?

- It's the one crawling around without balls.

(pencil scribbles)

- Um, idea on size, width, girth?

Type of blood, A+, A, B, O?

- Big dick. - Any specific beauty marks?

- Nate?

Thank you.

(pencil scribbles)

I'm sorry I've been such an idiot, man.

And now I'm just like, I'm a eunuch, man.

I'm a dickless cripple, man.

(Charlie sniffles)

- Let's get you out of here.

We need somewhere clean for him to lie down.

Hey, can you help get Charlie to the stage?

(Charlie groans)

- Okay, I don't think that's clean.

I'm pretty sure Theodore and Autumn

had sex on it before we killed them.

- Honestly, at this point, I don't really care.

- You don't have anything helpful to say, do you?

- Has anyone seen this penis?

- Stop looking for his dick, Zoe.

It's a zombie now, so it's probably dangerous, or something.

And we have more important shit to deal with.

Sorry. - It's okay.

- This is important.

Charlie's penis is probably just crawling around,

with no one, all alone, and without a home.

- Well, don't let Nate find it, okay?

Because he'll make you stab it yourself.

- Why do I feel like I'm the only one

trying to help the group here?

And not just being a self-serving asshole.

(Zoe gasps)

- I have something that'll help.

(light bulb rattles)

- [Aaliyah] What?

- [Nate] You can't seriously be offering me weed right now.

- It's not just weed, it's the zombie strain.

- I don't give a fuck!

I don't care what strain it is.

I don't care if it's indica, or sativa,

or the sunshine and rainbows strain, or whatever bullshit.

I don't want it.

It's not gonna fucking change anything.

Oh, my God.

Everybody's dying.

Charlie's bleeding out, I don't trust Aaliyah anymore,

because she only cares about herself.

I can't rely on you, 'cause you're too high

to take anything seriously.

There's no end in sight to this nightmare.

There could be 50 zombies outside, for all we know.

I'm scared, Zoe.

I'm scared, I'm terrified that we're all gonna be

eaten alive, and your response is to offer me drugs?

It's fucking insulting.

(soft, acoustic guitar music)

- Okay, but it's not a drug.

It's a plant.

- It's drugs, where I'm from.

- Well, in California you could buy it at the store.

You don't have to freak out, Nate, if you don't want to.

I know it might feel like you should,

because today has been, like, the worst day ever.

But why freak out?

Is it really gonna help?

- Yeah, who's the asshole now?

- It's Charlie's penis!

- My dick?

My dick?

(Aaliyah sighs)

- She's a sweet girl, Nate.

But when you're as baked as she is,

this probably just feels like a weird game, okay?

Honestly, I'm jealous.

(Charlie softly grunts)

- You know, there's something we haven't been considering.

- What?

- Well, when you were yelling at Zoe,

I was checking my phone, and it turns out

that there's like a whole bunch of new updates from,

(Charlie grunts)

doctors and scientists and stuff,

and they're talking about like zombies and the virus,

and there's all this new information,

they're saying it's evolving.

So, I was thinking, what if there's people

that get bit, and they don't turn their zombies?

- [Aaliyah] Gimme a fucking break.

- Well, you know.

(Charlie coughs)

I'm feeling fine, and so, maybe I'm not asymptomatic,

and I'm not gonna turn into a zombie.

- Yeah, perfect, then you'll just be

an asshole with no dick,

instead of a zombie asshole with no dick.

- Oh, okay.

Okay. - You know what?

I should just kill you right now

before you turn and try to eat us.

- Uh, no.

No, no, oh, hey.

- I won't let you do that.

- Yeah, you'll try to stop me?

Why?

Look at him.

- Hello.

- Because, what if he's right?

(zombie roars)

(walls thud)

What was that?

- Go check the security cameras.

Go.

You go, too.

You go, too.

- Are you coming?

- Sure.

- [Charlie] Hey Zoe, hey Zoe.

(soft, tense music)

- Oh, that's not good.

- We really have to get out of here.

- Okay.

- [Charlie] What's going on, you guys?

Look like you're missing a dick.

- Okay, all right.

We got some good news, we got some bad news.

- Oh, what's the good news?

- Yeah, what's the good news?

- Okay, we don't have any good news.

I thought you were gonna ask for some bad news first.

- What?

What?

- Okay. I'm sorry, but there's a bigger one with them,

and it seems stronger and smarter.

- Oh no, yeah.

I was reading about those guys.

They were saying there's, like, variants and stuff.

But hey, that's kind of cool, man.

Nature, right?

Shit evolves.

(Charlie chuckles)

You guys should go.

I'll stay.

- All right, I'll stay.

- No, no, Zoe, I'm gonna say, you're gonna go.

- I'm gonna stay, you're gonna go.

- No, Zoe, I'm staying, you are going with them.

' I'm staying, you're going with them.

- No, Zoe, I'm staying, you're going.

- I'm staying, you're going--

- No, Zoe!

I'm trying to be heroic, okay?

This is my moment.

What's up, BTS guy?

Nate, look at me, man.

I'm bleeding out.

I got no dick.

Like, I'm also bit, and I'm probably

gonna turn into his zombie soon.

So, if I'm gonna die, I want to go out fighting,

so I can be up there with Theo,

with all those hot-ass Valkyrie babes.

- Damn, Charlie.

It's a shame you had to go out like this.

- You're full of shit, Aaliyah

(Aaliyah chuckles)

- [Aaliyah] So are you.

- You know, like if things went a little different,

maybe we could have been buddies.

- Nah.

- Damn, well, you can go to hell, then.

I mean, I'll see you there soon, sheesh.

Nate, Nate?

Hello.

- Let's get you geared up, at least.

- Okay, well, if you're gonna get me geared up,

can you get all those action cameras?

Because if I'm gonna die, I want to go out

really cool and badass, so people remember me.

- All right, we'll see what we can do.

- Okay.

That's cool.

Thank you.

Oh, and thank you for taking the bat.

You can go now, little demon.

- Fuck you.

- Oh, I hate you.

Can I see my dick for a little bit?

Oh, wow.

Oh, it's good to see you little guy.

- Look.

I have a little vein here.

- Yeah.

- And the blood spurts out here, but it's not sound.

- Papa's gonna find you, and you go right here.

- And then, some little pieces that come on it,

right on. - You're really talented.

You should pursue this. - Thank you.

- Hey dude, thanks for helping out with Charlie.

- Like a fire breathing,

- Mmhmm, just like a dragon.

- You ready? - Yeah.

- Sad dragon. - Yeah, let's do this.

(soft, intense music)

- Use this to help with the pain.

- Oh yeah, okay, this reminds me of Cabo.

(Charlie groans)

How are we gonna get you?

(Charlie hums and shrieks)

Easy does it, easy does it.

(Charlie groans)

- Why'd you give me Santa pants, man?

- Because your pants bloody, dude.

- Well, how am I supposed to fight with one hand, bro?

(Zoe gasps)

- I have an idea.

- Oh, shit.

Well, now this really reminds me of Cabo.

Thank you, Zoe.

Cool.

Then it zips up.

Very curious, okay.

Oh, be gentle, be gentle.

(Charlie screams)

Oh, fuck you.

- You definitely wish you could.

(Charlie groans)

Oh, I still got balls, dude.

- Zoe, grab the duct tape and the pillows.

- Tie me up, guys.

Tie me up.

(tape crunches)

Still here, guys.

Don't worry about me.

Ready to go.

- [Aaliyah] Okay, Charlie.

- Ready to go. - Duck.

Duck.

- Can I be the goose?

- Get your other arm through, buddy.

Ah, you guys are nice.

(tape crunches)

I love you guys.

(tape crunches)

Oh, yeah.

(Charlie clears throat)

Oh, I'm still here.

I'm still alive.

(tape crunches)

Oh yeah.

- Boop. - All right, oh.

(liquid gurgles)

(Charlie sighs)

I look ridiculous.

- It's the best substitute for armor we could find.

- So you'll last longer, I even strapped

a little action camera on there for you.

- Who knows?

Maybe you might even survive.

- Doubtful.

But it's worth a shot.

(wall thuds)

Well, this is it.

Time for you kids to go.

Here.

(keys jingle) Take my car.

- So, I've gotta do this before we do this,

'cause I might not get another chance.

I've been waiting to do this all day.

Excuse me.

(kiss smacks)

- Oh.

- Uh, thank you?

- Damn, somewhere out there, little Charlie is hard.

I did not know you were into girls.

Go figure.

- Did I miss something?

(wall thuds)

- Okay.

Seriously, time for you guys to go.

(loud, eerie music)

- Let's just get you up.

(Charlie groans)

Come on.

- You still have legs.

- Oh, yeah.

- [Zoe] Bye Charlie.

- Goodbye.

Well, it was nice knowing y'all.

Can you go get the B cam for me, please?

- Why?

- Because I wanna look really cool and get some ass shots.

(Charlie groans)

Okay.

(Charlie cheers)

Come on, come here.

Hey, hey, come on.

(Charlie softly chants)

- I'm gonna miss you, man.

- I'm gonna miss you too, man.

I'm not gonna remember you, though,

because I'm gonna be dead.

So, remember me, okay?

- Oh yeah, yeah. - All right, bye.

Hey, you can go, too, BTS guy.

Get out here, man.

- Bye. - Kind of cool, man.

(Charlie cheers)

Hey, I'm gonna die.

- Bye.

- Come on, Zoe.

Go, go.

(victims screaming)

(zombies hiss and growl)

(suspenseful music)

- [Nate] Where's the car?

- Shit, zombies.

- It's right there.

- Hey Mom, it's me again, Charlie.

I know that I call you Kathy,

but I still love you 'cause you're my mom.

Even though, like, when I killed

those squirrels, like, you sent me away.

I mean, I ran away, but I don't care anymore now.

Not me, Mom.

Goddammit, man

I'm a hero now, I saved three people,

even though I killed squirrels.

I also killed two people, but it's okay.

Woo, let's go!

Oh, my God.

Drop it, Reggie-Reg, I'll kill you again, goddammit.

- Again?

What the fuck?

What do you mean?

- Reggie?

You're still alive, bro?

- Yeah, man.

What?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I mean, someone hit me in the head, or something,

but I'm chill, man.

I got up, I was napping in the closet.

- I'm sorry, dude, I'm so sorry.

- Dude, don't even, don't even worry about it, man.

Everyone was freaking out about the zombie thing,

which is obviously, like, stressful as hell, man.

And I get it.

- Of course he doesn't have batteries in his key.

- Come on, Nate.

- This isn't helping, Aliyah.

- Oh, it's open.

- Okay, I'm driving. - No, I'm driving.

- Get in, it's now or never.

(zombies growl) (Aaliyah screams)

- Get the fuck out of here. (zombie growls)

Come on, they're still after us.

- They don't seem to want me.

- But I want you, to come with me, please.

- But you know, I realized something right?

Because someone bit me, probably was a zombie, right?

But like, if I was gonna turn into a zombie,

that would've happened hours ago.

But look at me, dude.

Fully asymptomatic.

- Bro.

Oh, man, that means I didn't have to kill everybody.

- What? - Whoops, whoops.

Whoops, wait.

Okay, Reggie, that means I've been right about everything,

and I'm a genius, and I should not,

oh, my God, I should've smoked zombie strain

instead of the regular weeded, but Zoe's gonna live.

Oh, cool, cool, cool. (glass shattering)

- Someone breaking glass in here, man?

- I think you should come here.

(zombie grunts)

Oh, my God. (Reggie screams)

No!

Reggie, no!

No!

Okay, let's go!

Let's go, for Reggie!

Goddammit, Reggie was a cool dude.

He was a dope-ass intern.

Oh, my god, he was pretty good.

My dick, goddammit.

(zombies grunt)

Run for it, Reggie.

(Charlie screams) (zombies grunt)

- Oh please, can you find another spot, please?

- [BTS Guy] You're not gonna let me

hide with you, seriously?

- There's just not a lot of room.

I don't see any zombies behind you.

- [BTS GUY] Fuck you guys.

Also, the battery's about to die.

I hope you guys make it.

If I survive, I'll send you my invoice.

- I'm sorry.

- Shit, man, I haven't beaten off that many guys since Cabo.

(lighter clicks)

(zombie grunts)

Oh, shit.

Bro, gimme a second, please.

Hey, man.

You know what?

May have no dick.

But I still got balls.

Oh, come on, daddy.

(zombie grunts)

(Charlie screams)

(flesh gurgles)

(Charlie shouts and laughs)

That hurts so good.

- I think I know why the zombies don't eat me.

- You do?

- I can show you, but don't be mad.

- Why would I be mad?

- Well, you've been really stressed out lately.

- Listen, I know.

I'm sorry.

I promise, I won't get mad.

- Okay.

Now, this might seem silly, but it's really fun

and it feels great, I swear.

Maybe if you have an open mind,

you could try it with me and we could enjoy it together.

And I can give it to you as your Christmas present.

(Zoe gasps) (penis bleats)

That's not it, that's not the pot.

- Why do you have that?

- I found it.

Zombie strain?

- You'll still let me have some,

even after everything I said?

- Of course, it's the best!

- Okay, I've never done this before, so how do you--

- I'll show you.

(lighter clicks)

(soft, tender music)

(Nate coughs)

- Do you wanna come visit my parents for Christmas with me?

I think I'm love with you.

- Nate, I think you're really high right now.

(Nate and Zoe chuckle)

Okay, but seriously, can we talk about

why you had the zombie penis?

(Zoe giggles)

(soft piano music)

(glass taps)

(penis softly grumbles)

- So, what do you think?

- I don't remember a lot of that.

But also, I was really high.

(Zoe giggles)

- Yeah, maybe I should take some of the gory shots

out of our friends getting maliciously maimed and murdered.

'Cause that was kind of fucked up.

- You know, the way you edited it, it's kind of funny.

In a, like, gross, disturbing way.

I mean, I think that's how other people are gonna see it.

I like it, I do.

But did you have to have her first kiss in there?

It was a really sweet moment,

but it was our moment, you know?

- It was a really sweet moment, and it meant a lot to me.

I just wanted the movie to end on a high note, you know?

'Cause, I mean, we've been in therapy for a year,

and I still can't get the blood outta my eyes.

But I think we, you know, did well.

I think Aaliyah and Charlie, I feel like

they would've appreciated this maybe, hopefully.

- Yeah, then you can keep it in.

- Really?

(kiss smacks)

Thank you.

Do you think the admissions faculty would like it?

- You mean like, the film school people?

- Yeah.

- Hmm.

I think you'll get in.

(popcorn crunches)

Did you pay the BTS guy?

- Oh, fuck.

♪ I'm just a zombie, not really alive ♪

♪ Are you gonna save me or leave me to die ♪

♪ Runnin' on empty, no light in my eyes ♪

♪ Are you gonna leave me

♪ or bring me to life

♪ Lying so low, it's a bumpy ride ♪

♪ Been too long since you left my side ♪

♪ I'm starvin' for your paradise ♪

♪ It's critical, give me just one night ♪

♪ All I need is a taste

♪ Of the one I used to know

♪ Set me free from the grave, whoa ♪

♪ I'm just a zombie, not really alive ♪

♪ Are you gonna save me, or leave me to die ♪

♪ Runnin' on empty, no light in my eyes ♪

♪ Are you gonna leave me, or bring me to life ♪

(upbeat dance music)

♪ I get restless walkin' in my sleep ♪

♪ I'm livin' only when I dream

♪ I see you breathin' next to me ♪

♪ Next to me ♪

♪ I'm just a zombie, not really alive ♪

♪ Are you gonna save me, or leave me to die ♪

♪ Runnin' on empty, no light in my eyes ♪

♪ Are you gonna leave me, or bring me to life ♪

(upbeat dance music)

(Charlie blows smoke)

- Got you, bitch.

(Charlie giggles)

Shit, I'm gonna die.