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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:16,808 Hello, pigs. 4 00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:20,061 I think we can all agree that America is a rotting corpse of an empire 5 00:00:20,061 --> 00:00:21,563 and we live in hell. 6 00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:24,232 So when Netflix gave us a bunch of money to make a... 7 00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:26,609 whatever-the-fuck-we're-doing about the election, 8 00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:30,363 we figured, why waste our time talking to politicians? 9 00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:34,367 Let's talk to the food-poisoned, drug-addicted sex criminals who live here. 10 00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:36,286 - Yeah! 11 00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:37,620 Come on. 12 00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:40,999 My name is Tim Dillon, and regrettably, This Is Your Country. 13 00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,547 Why is it your business 14 00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:50,008 if your cousin wants to pop her P for cash? 15 00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:51,634 Kill that Canadian bitch 16 00:00:51,634 --> 00:00:53,595 - after the fucking show. USA! USA! 17 00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:55,305 {\an8}One coffee a day, not two or three. 18 00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:57,265 {\an8}- Okay, Hitler. 19 00:00:57,265 --> 00:00:59,184 {\an8}If you love her, pay her. 20 00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:00,268 {\an8}Thank you! 21 00:01:00,268 --> 00:01:02,812 You know why? It's the greatest country in the world. 22 00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:10,528 Tim! Tim! Tim! Tim! Tim! Tim! 23 00:01:18,453 --> 00:01:21,956 He massages BBLs on OnlyFans for a living, 24 00:01:21,956 --> 00:01:26,044 but he's here to tell his girlfriend he also is a porn star. 25 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:32,342 That's right, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome William to the show. 26 00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:43,061 - William, how are you? Yes. 27 00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:44,521 I'm doing amazing. 28 00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:46,940 You massage 29 00:01:48,149 --> 00:01:50,693 Brazilian butt lifts for a living. 30 00:01:50,693 --> 00:01:51,903 Yes, I do. 31 00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:53,738 And you do that on OnlyFans? 32 00:01:53,738 --> 00:01:57,075 {\an8}I do that on OnlyFans, and I do that for my job as well. 33 00:01:57,075 --> 00:01:59,702 {\an8}And do you do any other type of massage? 34 00:01:59,702 --> 00:02:01,454 I mean, I'm trained in all areas, 35 00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:04,082 but I focus on the... the glutes. 36 00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:09,003 What is it? Is it like kneading a good sourdough? 37 00:02:09,003 --> 00:02:10,964 - What is... 38 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,258 In fact, know what, William? Why don't you just show us? 39 00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:15,176 - No problem. - Bring out the BBL. 40 00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:22,684 Bring out the BBL, baby! 41 00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:25,395 William, I want you to stand up, 42 00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,230 and I want you to walk the audience 43 00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,691 - through a BBL massage. Definitely. Definitely. 44 00:02:30,608 --> 00:02:32,902 Well, this... this might be pre-BBL. 45 00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:37,866 Gotta lube it up or moisturize it up, put a little bit in your hands, 46 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:40,910 and then you want to just slowly caress. 47 00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:45,123 Is there any special technique other than 48 00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:49,210 what I... what we just saw, really, is you just kind of grabbing an ass. 49 00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:50,128 Yes. 50 00:02:51,045 --> 00:02:53,965 {\an8}So as you're massaging it, you want to just check in with them, 51 00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:57,093 {\an8}you know, from time to time, ask them, "Hey, how's it doing?" 52 00:02:57,093 --> 00:02:58,428 "You want more pressure?" 53 00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,889 Sometimes, you know, they'll moan instead of saying yes, 54 00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:01,931 - so... Right. 55 00:03:01,931 --> 00:03:05,852 You know, when they moan, they'll probably moan like, "Oh, yes. Yes!" 56 00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:10,231 Does your girlfriend have any issue with you doing this specific type of massage? 57 00:03:10,231 --> 00:03:13,401 Unfortunately, my girlfriend does have a huge issue with it. 58 00:03:13,401 --> 00:03:15,695 - Yeah. - But I try to explain to her... 59 00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:17,447 That's shocking that she has a big... 60 00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:20,825 I'm trying to explain to her, "This is what I was born to do." 61 00:03:20,825 --> 00:03:21,910 That's right. 62 00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:24,621 - I was put on Earth to do this. - That's right. To do this. 63 00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:26,831 - He knows what he wants. 64 00:03:27,415 --> 00:03:32,545 Now, listen, you didn't fly here just to show people, 65 00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:36,132 "Here's how to massage an ass that we bought at the Halloween store." 66 00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:41,012 Okay? I'm kidding, this couple let us borrow it, you know? 67 00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:43,348 What, uh... 68 00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:47,477 You're here to confess to your girlfriend that you used to do porn. 69 00:03:48,144 --> 00:03:48,978 Yeah. 70 00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:53,399 Bring her out! - William... 71 00:03:53,399 --> 00:03:55,276 Bring her out! Bring her out! 72 00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:58,488 - All right, ladies and gentlemen... 73 00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:01,532 please welcome Shireiny to the show. 74 00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:05,370 Are you fucking kidding me? Yo, three years. 75 00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:08,289 Three years of this fucking bullshit I gotta deal with you. 76 00:04:08,289 --> 00:04:10,625 This shit is fucking crazy and mad embarrassing. 77 00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:14,045 Shireiny, what is... What is making you, uh, upset? 78 00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:16,756 {\an8}What's making me upset is he be around ass and titties all day. 79 00:04:16,756 --> 00:04:18,591 {\an8}Like, do you not have enough at home? 80 00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:19,550 {\an8}It's a job. 81 00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:21,636 - All right, well, get another job! - It's a job. 82 00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:22,804 Get another job! 83 00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:24,973 Why don't you go fucking work at Target? Huh? 84 00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:26,683 - You got the outfit for it. - Target. 85 00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:31,354 What a comedienne. What a jokester. Little jokester. 86 00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:33,773 How would you feel if I was around dick all day? Huh? 87 00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:35,817 Dick in my face all day? 88 00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:37,902 Well, William is here 89 00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:40,071 to tell you something. 90 00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:42,490 William, this is your moment of truth. 91 00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:47,245 {\an8}I used to do... I did porn. 92 00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:48,204 What? 93 00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:51,291 - No. - It was in the past. 94 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,960 - Y'all pranking me, right? Nah. - It was in the past. 95 00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:55,503 It was... It's... 96 00:04:55,503 --> 00:04:59,048 Can you be more specific by "porn?" What do you mean by porn? 97 00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:01,509 I recorded myself having sex with women. 98 00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:03,970 That does sound like porn. 99 00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:08,558 And you brought me here to tell me that? 100 00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:11,728 I want to come clean, to put everything on the table. 101 00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:13,396 I wanna just start fresh. 102 00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:16,024 I'm gonna sit over here, 'cause I'm disgusted right now. 103 00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:18,359 Wow. 104 00:05:18,359 --> 00:05:19,944 William, William... 105 00:05:19,944 --> 00:05:21,863 Why didn't you tell me that when we met? 106 00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:24,991 Because if you can't handle... If you can't handle me doing massages, 107 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:28,036 I know for a fact you could not handle me doing porn. Come on now. 108 00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:30,913 If you can't handle him at his BBL massage, 109 00:05:30,913 --> 00:05:33,499 you don't deserve him at his, uh, porn. 110 00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:37,545 There's somebody else who's been listening as well. 111 00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:39,464 It's not just your beautiful girlfriend here. 112 00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:41,799 - What? He got another girl? No, hold on. 113 00:05:41,799 --> 00:05:43,634 Well, yes and no. 114 00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:44,761 Ooh... 115 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,346 Yes and no. - Nah. 116 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:49,932 Ladies and gentlemen, William's mother is backstage. 117 00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:54,312 And she probably has a few opinions. 118 00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:58,900 Please welcome Sata, everybody! 119 00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:02,070 Hey, Mama! 120 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,363 Yo... 121 00:06:06,949 --> 00:06:09,577 Well, fill her in, William, for what's been going on. 122 00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:11,954 Yo, this is crazy. 123 00:06:12,830 --> 00:06:14,248 Shit is crazy. - I, uh... 124 00:06:14,248 --> 00:06:15,375 {\an8}Yo, what the hell? 125 00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:18,795 {\an8}I came clean to Shireiny about me doing porn. 126 00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:21,672 - You knew he used to do porn? - Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 127 00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:23,966 Wait. Wait a second. 128 00:06:25,426 --> 00:06:26,803 Doing porn? 129 00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:29,847 - Yes. I did porn. - Not OnlyFans, porn porn. 130 00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:31,474 - Same thing. - Having sex? 131 00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:32,392 It's not. 132 00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:36,854 It's the... Yes. It was, like, three years ago. 133 00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:38,940 He's still doing it! Liar! 134 00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:42,276 William, when did you stop? When did you stop doing porn? 135 00:06:42,276 --> 00:06:43,986 {\an8}- Wait a second. I'm sorry. Yeah. 136 00:06:44,862 --> 00:06:46,823 {\an8}You went to school... 137 00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:47,865 {\an8}Right. 138 00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:49,659 {\an8}...to do film. 139 00:06:51,869 --> 00:06:54,831 I'm not understanding. I bought you all the equipment. 140 00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:56,666 - I bought you cameras. - I know. 141 00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:58,626 I bought you lights, I bought you booms, 142 00:06:58,626 --> 00:07:00,837 I bought you the stuff. I'm not understanding. 143 00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:02,213 I make a really good living. 144 00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:05,216 Can you tell us how much money you're making doing this? 145 00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:06,217 Six figures. 146 00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:08,886 'Cause I'm not only doing the porn, 147 00:07:08,886 --> 00:07:12,056 I can... I shoot the porn, I edit the porn. 148 00:07:12,056 --> 00:07:13,933 I'm knee-deep in this porn industry. 149 00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:16,853 - Yeah! - Whoo! 150 00:07:17,728 --> 00:07:18,813 Hold on. Wait, wait, wait. 151 00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:21,232 What's your porn name? 152 00:07:21,816 --> 00:07:23,109 It's "Long Willy." 153 00:07:25,069 --> 00:07:26,737 Long... 154 00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:30,366 Sata, your son is a very enterprising young man-- 155 00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:33,244 I wanna say this. Kim Kardashian, she had a sex tape. Look-- 156 00:07:33,244 --> 00:07:36,247 - That was a secret sex tape. Wait! She had a sex tape. 157 00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:38,583 - A billionaire off a sex tape. That's a good point. 158 00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:41,169 - That's a good point for William. Come on. 159 00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:42,920 - Kim Kardashian... - Thank you. 160 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:45,381 ...that is our most successful whore. 161 00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:47,383 - Yes. That is a very good point. 162 00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:50,595 Can you stand up, sir? Now, you watch porn. 163 00:07:50,595 --> 00:07:52,472 - Let me ask you a question. 164 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:55,099 How do you feel about a young man 165 00:07:55,099 --> 00:07:57,351 doing porn and making money from it? 166 00:07:57,351 --> 00:07:59,520 - I think he's an entrepreneur. - My man. 167 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,106 If you had a child, would you mind if they did porn? 168 00:08:02,106 --> 00:08:03,483 I wouldn't let them do porn. 169 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:04,901 Exactly. - So you... 170 00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:07,361 - Do you find that a little hypocritical? - Yeah. 171 00:08:07,361 --> 00:08:10,114 - But you wouldn't let your child do porn? No. 172 00:08:10,823 --> 00:08:13,201 But you watch a lot of fucking porn. 173 00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:17,205 I mean, if people went on your laptop right now, 174 00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:19,790 they wouldn't be able to sleep, let's be honest. 175 00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:21,334 And it's not regular porn. 176 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:24,253 It's women's heads going through glass tables, it's bad. 177 00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:27,673 You can't cum unless someone's bleeding. Let's be honest. 178 00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:30,218 The things that are on your laptop... 179 00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:33,304 All right, sit down before the FBI gets here. Uh... 180 00:08:34,138 --> 00:08:37,225 Are you massaging anyone right now on OnlyFans 181 00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:39,018 that you had sex with in the past? 182 00:08:40,102 --> 00:08:41,145 Potentially. Yeah. 183 00:08:41,145 --> 00:08:42,980 - What? - Shireiny. 184 00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:45,441 - In the past. In the past. Yes. - Are you kidding me? 185 00:08:45,441 --> 00:08:47,693 You should not be dealing with no girl you slept with 186 00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:49,862 whether it's work or not. It does not matter. 187 00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:52,740 So if I was a doctor and she was dying, I can't... 188 00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:55,326 "Sorry, we had sex, I can't save your life. Gotta die." 189 00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:57,787 - No! Let the bitch die. - It doesn't work like that. 190 00:08:57,787 --> 00:09:00,581 - You let the bitch die. I do see William's point. 191 00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:01,832 I do see William's point. 192 00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:04,669 If you were massaging a woman's ass to life 193 00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:07,547 and being paid for it on OnlyFans, I understand. 194 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,423 How many people in this audience think 195 00:09:09,423 --> 00:09:11,676 they should rise above this and just stay together? 196 00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:13,302 - Yeah! 197 00:09:13,302 --> 00:09:14,762 That's a fair amount. 198 00:09:14,762 --> 00:09:16,430 How many people in this audience 199 00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:20,142 think that Shireiny has the right to say "fuck you"? 200 00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:28,276 William, there's one more thing that you have to do right now. 201 00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:31,612 One more thing you have to say before God, before this country, 202 00:09:31,612 --> 00:09:35,283 before your mother, before your beautiful girlfriend, 203 00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:38,119 and we're going to give you a chance to say it right now. 204 00:09:38,119 --> 00:09:40,830 {\an8}- Oh my God. I'm scared now. Shit, bro. 205 00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:43,833 {\an8}- Let me get up. I gotta get up for this. - Where you going? 206 00:09:46,043 --> 00:09:49,130 I will beat you up if you come over here and try to hug me, like... 207 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:50,256 Look, look, look, look. 208 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:53,801 Look, babe, we done been through a lot, 209 00:09:54,468 --> 00:09:57,263 and you always been there for me at my lowest, you know? 210 00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,015 When I'm down there massaging women, 211 00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:02,768 my hands may be on their ass, but my eyes are always on you. 212 00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:04,228 - You're full of shit. - You know? 213 00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:05,313 - You know? 214 00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:08,232 You're a fool. If you go for this, you're a fool. 215 00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:10,151 And you're about to cry, you're crazy. 216 00:10:10,151 --> 00:10:13,654 And I know, I know my dick is out there on the Internet. 217 00:10:13,654 --> 00:10:14,780 Little Willy. 218 00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:17,366 It's not Little Willy. 219 00:10:17,366 --> 00:10:18,534 But, look, babe. 220 00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:22,246 This might be the craziest thing I ever did, man. 221 00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:25,708 - I want to be... - What? 222 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:30,296 I want to be... 223 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,465 - I want to be your porn star. - No. 224 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:35,009 I want to be your porn star for the rest of my life. 225 00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:37,303 There's no way that she's gonna accept that. 226 00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,180 - Close that. No way. - Will you marry me? 227 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:41,140 - You're crazy. - I wanna be your porn star. 228 00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:43,643 Yeah! 229 00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:46,604 Give it up for them. Give it up for them. 230 00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:49,482 - That is a happy couple. 231 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,525 That is a beautiful... That is love. 232 00:10:51,525 --> 00:10:55,112 OnlyFans? How about OnlyFam? 233 00:10:55,112 --> 00:10:58,407 Come on! Come on, hug it out! 234 00:10:58,407 --> 00:10:59,533 Hug it out! 235 00:10:59,533 --> 00:11:03,079 Everybody get up. Come on, Mom, this is beautiful. 236 00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:05,748 You've got your son, your daughter-in-law. 237 00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:08,125 Thank you, guys, so much. 238 00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:13,339 Look at that. That's love. That's love. 239 00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:14,965 That's what love is about. 240 00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:18,386 Love is... There's a power in that. 241 00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:20,721 How you feel about that? What do you think? 242 00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:22,306 I thought it was gross. 243 00:11:22,306 --> 00:11:23,974 - 'Cause they were Black? 244 00:11:23,974 --> 00:11:25,476 No! No. 245 00:11:26,143 --> 00:11:31,899 Orange County is one of the most racist places in the entire world, 246 00:11:31,899 --> 00:11:33,776 and it's a little disgusting 247 00:11:34,443 --> 00:11:39,198 to have this white bitch judge these beautiful people. 248 00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:41,075 It's wrong. I don't like it. I... 249 00:11:41,992 --> 00:11:44,245 I wish you would have taken another thing. 250 00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:49,125 And now, he immigrated to this country 35 years ago, 251 00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:51,836 and now he wants to get the hell out of here 252 00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:55,131 unless his son can convince him to stay. 253 00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:58,926 Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to Sergio. 254 00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:11,439 There he is, Sergio. 255 00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:15,067 - Sergio, welcome to the show. - Thank you. 256 00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:19,739 Is there anything or anyone that could convince you to stay in this country? 257 00:12:20,656 --> 00:12:21,490 Nah. 258 00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:27,872 {\an8}I, uh, I have decided that America is not the American Dream for me no more. 259 00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:31,083 - And I'm ready to get out of here. - Yeah. Yeah. 260 00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:34,670 - I'm out of here, you know? - Okay, now, why... why do you say that? 261 00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:36,589 Uh, to me, it's not the same country anymore. 262 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:39,133 You have to have a high-speed Internet, 263 00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:42,678 you have to pay extra gigabytes on your phone if you go over. 264 00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:45,431 Yes. So you're going over on the phone. 265 00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,725 Even the American people have to pay extra. 266 00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:49,810 So your problem really is a data plan. 267 00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:54,064 So if we just bring you to Verizon, you might stay? 268 00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:57,359 But you sound like you want to self-deport. 269 00:12:57,359 --> 00:12:59,195 Uh... 270 00:13:00,237 --> 00:13:02,323 Which is... - We might say that. 271 00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:06,076 I think what's holding me to stay here is my family. 272 00:13:06,076 --> 00:13:07,161 That's right. 273 00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:09,121 - But, uh, you know, my sons. - Yes. 274 00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:11,582 I was not made in China, I was made in Mexico. 275 00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:12,958 They were born in USA. 276 00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:14,335 Oh, interesting. 277 00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:15,836 So you said... 278 00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:20,424 So you said you were not made in China, 279 00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:21,634 you were made in Mexico. 280 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:24,845 - I was made in Mexico. - And those kids were born in the USA. 281 00:13:24,845 --> 00:13:27,139 What a fucked-up song that is, you know? 282 00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:31,977 If anybody can convince you to stay, 283 00:13:32,686 --> 00:13:36,232 it is your son, and he's going to tell you 284 00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:40,319 why he wants you to stay in America. 285 00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:42,738 Give it up for Luis, everybody. 286 00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:46,659 Give it up for Luis. 287 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:50,871 USA! USA! USA! USA! 288 00:13:52,414 --> 00:13:53,958 That's right. 289 00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:56,502 Luis, what do you love about America? 290 00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:59,213 {\an8}I mean, we have football, all the American sports. 291 00:13:59,213 --> 00:14:00,965 {\an8}- Yeah, okay. - All the money you can make. 292 00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:01,882 That's right. 293 00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:04,343 {\an8}- Women. - That's right. Okay. 294 00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:06,971 Yeah! - That's right. This guy. 295 00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:09,431 Stand up for a minute, because you agree with him. 296 00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:11,725 Will you stand up? Let's stand up for a minute. 297 00:14:12,476 --> 00:14:14,854 The Unabomber wants to say 298 00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:17,189 a few words here. 299 00:14:17,189 --> 00:14:19,316 Now, you agreed, when Luis was talking about 300 00:14:19,316 --> 00:14:21,819 how much money you can make, and the women... 301 00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:23,904 What do you say to him? 302 00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:28,117 Well, honestly, I'm about women, but I'm not necessarily about America. 303 00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:30,160 And I mean, the ladies down South... 304 00:14:31,328 --> 00:14:33,289 I mean, I'm not anti-America. 305 00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:35,958 - I'm, like, I'm neutral. - Come on. Come on, let him... 306 00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:38,335 Hold on, let him... let him finish. 307 00:14:38,335 --> 00:14:41,755 Now, the ladies... What do you mean, "The ladies down South"? 308 00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:43,674 Muy caliente. 309 00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:45,801 I got you. All right. 310 00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:49,638 - Now, you are with this lovely man. - Yes, this is my boyfriend. 311 00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:51,056 - That's your boyfriend. - Yeah. 312 00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:53,434 When... Stand up for a minute. When... 313 00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:58,731 When he says he likes these muy caliente ladies 314 00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:01,025 from down South, how does that make you feel? 315 00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:04,486 I mean, like, power to him, he's with me right now, you know. 316 00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:06,906 I enjoy him and everything, but, you know, 317 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,742 if he was ever to meet one of these ladies 318 00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,994 and he wanted to do that, I'd be, you know... 319 00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:14,079 - More power to him. 320 00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:15,956 Look what a great country this is. 321 00:15:15,956 --> 00:15:19,335 Look how understanding these two homeless people are 322 00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:23,631 about each other's sexual proclivities. 323 00:15:24,798 --> 00:15:25,633 There's... 324 00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:28,969 There's no other country in the world 325 00:15:28,969 --> 00:15:31,680 where you'll have an unhoused couple like this 326 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:34,642 crawl out of their tent, go to a Tim Dillon taping 327 00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:38,312 and say, "Honey, you can fuck whoever you want 328 00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:43,067 as long as you steal some canned food and bring it back to this tent at night." 329 00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:47,696 I mean, look at these two. This is what America is about. 330 00:15:47,696 --> 00:15:51,575 USA! USA! USA! 331 00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:54,453 This is what America is about. 332 00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:58,374 This Orange County couple is so fucking scared right now. 333 00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:02,586 Knife them after the show. Run up on them and knife 'em. 334 00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:07,341 Take their fucking BMW and their fucking sailboat or whatever. 335 00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:10,552 Well, is anyone an immigrant in this audience? 336 00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:13,555 Okay, we want to hear from immigrants, 337 00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:15,891 especially this white woman who's lying about it. 338 00:16:17,851 --> 00:16:20,312 She better have a real fucking Ukrainian accent 339 00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:22,523 when I get up to this fucking woman. 340 00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:24,775 Hold on, where did you come from? 341 00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:25,943 Canada. 342 00:16:32,032 --> 00:16:37,830 USA! USA! USA! 343 00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:43,252 Kill that Canadian bitch after the fucking show, okay? 344 00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:46,672 You fucking... These tweakers are going to light you on fire 345 00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:48,966 after this fucking show. 346 00:16:49,466 --> 00:16:53,137 These extras from Breaking Bad, these monsters. 347 00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:56,557 We paid for their STD check before they came here. 348 00:16:57,266 --> 00:16:59,727 This free clinic where we got these people. 349 00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:01,937 Sir, you're a different color. 350 00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:07,609 Where... Yeah, stand up. Stand up. 351 00:17:07,609 --> 00:17:09,361 Where do you come from? 352 00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:10,696 Uh, I was born here. 353 00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:12,573 Enough with this! 354 00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:15,367 That's not what I mean. I mean in the racist way. 355 00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:17,828 - Like the Orange County people would say. - Oh. 356 00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:19,997 Where does your family come from? 357 00:17:19,997 --> 00:17:21,457 Mexico. Both from Mexico. 358 00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:23,751 And look how... And you are thriving here. 359 00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:25,377 I actually love it here, yeah. 360 00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:28,714 - What do you do for a living? - Customer support for education tech. 361 00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:30,758 Kill yourself. Here's the thing... 362 00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:36,722 I cannot find one reason to keep this man in this shithole of a country. 363 00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:37,806 I cannot. 364 00:17:37,806 --> 00:17:42,186 I believe we have a patriot 365 00:17:42,186 --> 00:17:47,357 who will come out here and convince Sergio once and for all 366 00:17:47,357 --> 00:17:50,194 that this is the greatest country in the world. 367 00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:53,947 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Bandit to the show. 368 00:17:57,785 --> 00:17:59,286 Give it up for Bandit! 369 00:17:59,286 --> 00:18:01,121 Give it up for Bandit! 370 00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:03,332 Take a seat. 371 00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:05,375 USA! 372 00:18:05,375 --> 00:18:10,380 USA! USA! USA! 373 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,926 What you two should do, I'm not kidding, 374 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:16,512 is get with him later and do some fun home invasions. 375 00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:17,846 You know what I mean? 376 00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:19,848 Bandit, 377 00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:23,185 do you feel freer in America than you would be other places? 378 00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:26,438 Of course, Tim. Of course I do. I mean, there's... sure... 379 00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:28,607 {\an8}Okay, you have a few options, right? 380 00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:30,651 {\an8}Mainly, at least for me, Britain and Canada. 381 00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,362 I don't wanna go to Canada because they're not real. 382 00:18:33,362 --> 00:18:35,197 That's mooses pretending to be people. 383 00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:37,866 Well, you're a person pretending to be a dog. 384 00:18:37,866 --> 00:18:40,661 This is true. I would get along great with them. 385 00:18:40,661 --> 00:18:42,579 Now, Sergio, just look at Bandit 386 00:18:42,579 --> 00:18:45,249 and tell him what could be possibly wrong with this country? 387 00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:46,708 What's wrong with America? 388 00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:50,838 Look at this person, who I will not gender. 389 00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:53,298 Look at this person, Sergio. 390 00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,968 What could possibly be wrong 391 00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,928 with this country? 392 00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:02,391 Look, if you want to look for an apartment, 393 00:19:02,391 --> 00:19:04,852 you have to pay the first, the last, 394 00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:07,604 plus deposit. 395 00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:11,358 Six hundred eighty score to get the apartment. 396 00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:12,776 - You have that? - That is true. 397 00:19:12,776 --> 00:19:17,406 He's bringing up a good point about the apartment rental process, Bandit. 398 00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:19,491 Which I don't think you have been in. 399 00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:22,035 Uh, just a hunch. 400 00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:25,038 That's America, baby. Money flows, dude. 401 00:19:25,038 --> 00:19:27,291 If you ain't ready to pay to have an apartment, why... 402 00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:28,333 Don't go to one! 403 00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:30,836 Luis, you seem very uncomfortable. 404 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,631 You seem incredibly uncomfortable right now. 405 00:19:34,631 --> 00:19:37,467 Take a look at this. This is... There it is. 406 00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:39,845 Sergio, yes. 407 00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:42,806 I think he makes more money standing at a corner with a sign. 408 00:19:42,806 --> 00:19:43,765 Moving it. 409 00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:46,435 That's not a bad point. 410 00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:49,605 Bandit, make your last plea to Sergio. 411 00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:51,690 You're the one we brought on this stage 412 00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:54,651 because you exemplify what America is in its current moment. 413 00:19:57,070 --> 00:19:57,905 Sergio, 414 00:19:58,614 --> 00:19:59,448 {\an8}I beg you. 415 00:20:00,407 --> 00:20:02,826 {\an8}Stay here. We can go to Target together. 416 00:20:02,826 --> 00:20:06,330 We can go get a Java Chip Frappé, we can walk through the park, 417 00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:07,998 have a wonderful time. 418 00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:09,917 Maybe fall in love. 419 00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:10,918 I don't know. 420 00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:12,878 It's the land of opportunity. 421 00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:15,005 I would love for you to stay here with us 422 00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:18,342 and be a part of this great, beautiful nation. 423 00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:20,761 Give it up for Bandit, everyone, that's a great... 424 00:20:25,849 --> 00:20:27,809 Sergio, are you gonna stay, 425 00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:30,145 or are you gonna go? What is it? 426 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:32,356 Uh... 427 00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:35,108 There is, uh, nothing that make me stay. 428 00:20:35,108 --> 00:20:36,026 I'm leaving. 429 00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:38,195 And I'm leaving America. 430 00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:40,322 The American Dream, it's over. 431 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,784 I'm telling you, I'm out of here. I'm out of here, you know? 432 00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:45,535 Adios! Adios! - That's... 433 00:20:45,535 --> 00:20:47,955 That's the way he feels. Give it up for Sergio, 434 00:20:48,872 --> 00:20:52,251 Luis, Bandit, everybody. Thank them so much. 435 00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:54,461 Give it up for them. 436 00:20:55,629 --> 00:20:57,547 Give it up. Thank you, guys. 437 00:21:00,384 --> 00:21:03,512 It'd be hilarious if you remove the dog head and it was RFK. 438 00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:07,891 "I'm going to dress up like a dog on Netflix 439 00:21:07,891 --> 00:21:11,478 because I want to be the President of the United States." 440 00:21:13,855 --> 00:21:17,401 Up now, she's a body-positive feel-good fun type. 441 00:21:17,401 --> 00:21:19,987 Her mom is an overbearing almond witch 442 00:21:19,987 --> 00:21:22,864 that wants to control what goes in her body. 443 00:21:22,864 --> 00:21:25,409 Ladies and gentlemen, let's meet Livi. 444 00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:38,130 Livi, baby. 445 00:21:38,714 --> 00:21:41,925 How are you? Thank you for coming, Livi. How are you? 446 00:21:41,925 --> 00:21:44,052 - I'm good. How are you? - I'm doing good. 447 00:21:44,052 --> 00:21:47,097 - So your mom gets on your nerves. - Yes. 448 00:21:47,097 --> 00:21:48,348 What is the problem? 449 00:21:48,348 --> 00:21:50,934 {\an8}She comments on every single thing I eat, 450 00:21:50,934 --> 00:21:54,730 {\an8}she comments on me working out, anything I put into my body, my coffee. 451 00:21:54,730 --> 00:21:56,440 What do you do to your coffee? 452 00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:59,693 Okay, I put syrups in my coff... I do an iced vanilla latte. 453 00:21:59,693 --> 00:22:00,944 There's nothing wrong... 454 00:22:00,944 --> 00:22:03,071 What kind of syrups do you put in your coffee? 455 00:22:03,071 --> 00:22:04,281 Like, just vanilla. 456 00:22:04,281 --> 00:22:06,408 Just vanilla? How much? How many pumps? 457 00:22:06,408 --> 00:22:08,285 - Like, four pumps. We pump it up? 458 00:22:08,285 --> 00:22:10,620 We pump it up! Yes! - Do we pump it up? 459 00:22:10,620 --> 00:22:12,039 - She pumps it up. - Yes! 460 00:22:12,039 --> 00:22:14,249 Four pumps. Pump it up. 461 00:22:14,249 --> 00:22:17,502 And not half pumps. You make them at Starbucks, slam on that bitch. 462 00:22:17,502 --> 00:22:20,088 {\an8}- Full pumps. Yes. Fuck yeah. - Slam it. Full pumps. Okay. 463 00:22:20,088 --> 00:22:22,632 {\an8}So now, your mother, what does she do for a living? 464 00:22:22,632 --> 00:22:25,260 - She's a Pilates instructor. - She's a Pilates instructor. 465 00:22:25,260 --> 00:22:27,012 Yes. Yes, she is. Ooh. 466 00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:28,347 Yes. And she... 467 00:22:28,889 --> 00:22:31,224 Yeah. - And she is on your case. 468 00:22:31,224 --> 00:22:34,186 And do you stand up for yourself and your rights as an American? 469 00:22:34,186 --> 00:22:35,687 You know what? I try my best. 470 00:22:35,687 --> 00:22:37,856 I do tell her to, like, fuck off. "Mom, fuck off." 471 00:22:37,856 --> 00:22:40,525 "I'm going to do what I want to do. I'm an adult." 472 00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:43,028 Can she hear you over the drive-thru speaker? 473 00:22:43,028 --> 00:22:45,989 - No, no... No. She can't. That's the problem. 474 00:22:45,989 --> 00:22:49,159 I have OCD, I have anxie... I'm a normal girl, I have anxiety. 475 00:22:49,159 --> 00:22:51,578 And she's like, "It's all the fucking Starbucks you drink." 476 00:22:51,578 --> 00:22:54,122 "That's what's giving you anxiety. The vanilla syrup." 477 00:22:54,122 --> 00:22:56,917 Now, what does... how does OCD manifest in your life? 478 00:22:56,917 --> 00:22:59,127 - Um, I like to touch things. - Okay. 479 00:22:59,127 --> 00:23:00,295 And, like, three times. 480 00:23:00,295 --> 00:23:02,172 - You touch something three times? - Yeah. 481 00:23:02,172 --> 00:23:03,215 And then eat it? 482 00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:05,634 - No, I don't eat it. No! 483 00:23:05,634 --> 00:23:08,720 My mom told you to say that. My mom told you to say that. 484 00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:11,098 You love your mother, but you want her to butt out. 485 00:23:11,098 --> 00:23:13,475 I want her to butt out. Get the fuck out of my fridge. 486 00:23:13,475 --> 00:23:15,227 Get the fuck out of your fridge. 487 00:23:15,227 --> 00:23:17,521 Because... Because there's no room. 488 00:23:17,521 --> 00:23:18,563 - Now... No. 489 00:23:19,481 --> 00:23:23,318 Let's... Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready to meet Livi's mom, everybody? 490 00:23:24,277 --> 00:23:25,487 Bring her out! 491 00:23:25,487 --> 00:23:26,863 Ladies and gentlemen, 492 00:23:26,863 --> 00:23:31,034 please welcome Dena! 493 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:33,578 There she is. 494 00:23:34,121 --> 00:23:36,248 - They love you. They love you. Dena! 495 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:39,126 Dena, Dena, Dena, how are you? 496 00:23:39,126 --> 00:23:41,128 - I'm good. Welcome to the show. 497 00:23:41,128 --> 00:23:44,214 So you're... Basically, you're asking your daughter, 498 00:23:44,214 --> 00:23:46,466 "I just want you to make healthier decisions." 499 00:23:46,466 --> 00:23:48,969 - Absolutely. - What the fuck is wrong with you? 500 00:23:49,928 --> 00:23:52,222 {\an8}I don't think she's old enough to make decisions. 501 00:23:52,222 --> 00:23:53,515 {\an8}- Okay, what? - Okay. 502 00:23:53,515 --> 00:23:55,058 {\an8}- Wait, wait, wait. 503 00:23:55,058 --> 00:23:57,727 - Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Wait. 504 00:23:57,727 --> 00:24:00,313 If I wanna eat a fucking donut, I wanna eat a fucking donut, 505 00:24:00,313 --> 00:24:01,857 you don't need to tell me what to do. 506 00:24:01,857 --> 00:24:03,275 I'm 25. 507 00:24:03,275 --> 00:24:06,236 Since I was a child, I don't know any life that's not like this. 508 00:24:06,236 --> 00:24:08,905 - Oh, that's-- - Oh, shut the fuck up. You know. Yeah. 509 00:24:08,905 --> 00:24:10,031 Oh! 510 00:24:11,908 --> 00:24:14,077 - No, it's so true. Ladies. 511 00:24:14,661 --> 00:24:17,747 No, imagine being five and she's yelling at you about Oreos. 512 00:24:17,747 --> 00:24:20,542 - Imagine being five and that happened. - We didn't have them. 513 00:24:20,542 --> 00:24:22,878 Well, you didn't... You... You... You didn't have Oreos? 514 00:24:22,878 --> 00:24:24,546 - No. - Well, she found them. 515 00:24:24,546 --> 00:24:26,298 No, I did. 516 00:24:26,298 --> 00:24:28,049 She found them. - Yeah. 517 00:24:28,049 --> 00:24:30,427 You have a list of foods you don't want her to eat? 518 00:24:30,427 --> 00:24:33,263 I do. - Take it out. Take the list out, Dena. 519 00:24:33,263 --> 00:24:36,933 Take the list out. Take the list out right now. 520 00:24:36,933 --> 00:24:38,435 No. 521 00:24:38,435 --> 00:24:42,481 First one, coffee with syrups is horrible for your body. 522 00:24:42,481 --> 00:24:44,566 Only... Only... 523 00:24:44,566 --> 00:24:46,860 - No, there is no way. No way. - There we go. 524 00:24:46,860 --> 00:24:49,279 Only according to doctors. 525 00:24:50,322 --> 00:24:53,992 But here's Livi's point, "Life's short, pump it up." 526 00:24:53,992 --> 00:24:55,911 - Exactly. That's what I said. Oh! 527 00:24:55,911 --> 00:24:57,412 - No. 528 00:24:57,412 --> 00:25:01,082 Life's short and with those pumps, even shorter, but here's the point... 529 00:25:01,791 --> 00:25:04,419 You can have one coffee a day, not two or three. 530 00:25:04,419 --> 00:25:06,588 - No syrups. - One coffee a day with no syrup. 531 00:25:07,088 --> 00:25:08,632 Okay, Hitler. 532 00:25:08,632 --> 00:25:10,258 - Go on. - Literally. 533 00:25:10,258 --> 00:25:11,593 Go on. 534 00:25:12,302 --> 00:25:15,138 I would like her to give up everything white. 535 00:25:15,138 --> 00:25:17,849 Wait a minute, hold on. 536 00:25:17,849 --> 00:25:21,895 {\an8}Sugar, flour, pasta, bread, rice, cheese. 537 00:25:21,895 --> 00:25:23,313 Okay. Dairy. 538 00:25:25,398 --> 00:25:28,944 What would be a happy medium? She's not gonna give up everything white. 539 00:25:28,944 --> 00:25:31,947 Can you propose something slightly realistic here? 540 00:25:31,947 --> 00:25:34,199 She should be able to give up white for two weeks. 541 00:25:34,199 --> 00:25:36,117 - White for two weeks. Yeah. 542 00:25:36,117 --> 00:25:38,203 You know what's gonna happen after two weeks? 543 00:25:38,203 --> 00:25:39,871 She's gonna have a white party. 544 00:25:41,831 --> 00:25:43,166 She's gonna go crazy. 545 00:25:43,166 --> 00:25:44,543 Do you think 546 00:25:45,210 --> 00:25:50,215 it's wrong to try to micromanage your adult daughter's diet? 547 00:25:51,258 --> 00:25:52,175 Yes! 548 00:25:52,175 --> 00:25:55,887 No. No. Not if I'm worried about her well-being. 549 00:25:55,887 --> 00:25:59,182 But are you worried about her well-being or your well-being? 550 00:26:00,308 --> 00:26:02,602 - Exactly. Oh, Dena! 551 00:26:02,602 --> 00:26:04,229 'Cause she's projecting. 552 00:26:04,229 --> 00:26:06,273 It's not like she is going to your house 553 00:26:06,273 --> 00:26:09,025 and forcing you to put vanilla in your coffee. 554 00:26:09,025 --> 00:26:11,319 - I've never done it. Never done that. Right? 555 00:26:11,319 --> 00:26:12,862 Does she show up and try to 556 00:26:13,488 --> 00:26:15,323 face-fuck you with sourdough bread? 557 00:26:16,491 --> 00:26:18,451 No. - Never done that. 558 00:26:18,451 --> 00:26:22,038 She's not doing that 'cause she's not sharing her food. Now listen to me... 559 00:26:22,831 --> 00:26:25,417 There's nothing... Dena, let's trim the fat. 560 00:26:25,417 --> 00:26:28,753 What do you really want your daughter to... 561 00:26:29,879 --> 00:26:32,674 - It's not that funny. It's not that funny. Stand up here. 562 00:26:33,300 --> 00:26:34,759 - Stand up. - All right. 563 00:26:35,427 --> 00:26:36,720 You need an almond mom. 564 00:26:37,470 --> 00:26:39,180 - I do. - Me and you... Let's be honest. 565 00:26:39,180 --> 00:26:42,350 Me and you need Dena, we need Dena to follow us around. 566 00:26:42,350 --> 00:26:44,269 - Do you have a mother? - I do. 567 00:26:44,269 --> 00:26:47,105 - Does she butt into your life? - She does. 568 00:26:47,105 --> 00:26:48,857 I wish she'd fuck off. Yeah. 569 00:26:52,611 --> 00:26:53,862 Dena, let's be honest. 570 00:26:53,862 --> 00:26:55,488 You heard it there, 571 00:26:55,488 --> 00:26:57,240 he wants you to fuck off. 572 00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:00,327 Sir, now, what do you think about this? Do you have children? 573 00:27:00,327 --> 00:27:01,661 Uh, not yet. 574 00:27:01,661 --> 00:27:03,413 All right, sit down. You know, I, uh... 575 00:27:04,414 --> 00:27:05,999 Nobody gives a shit. 576 00:27:05,999 --> 00:27:07,876 Can you stand up? Stand up. 577 00:27:07,876 --> 00:27:10,295 Now, this man shot President Trump. 578 00:27:11,838 --> 00:27:15,884 So I want to ask you, what do you think about these people? 579 00:27:17,260 --> 00:27:19,262 - I did not shoot Trump. - Okay. 580 00:27:19,262 --> 00:27:21,139 What do I think about 'em? 581 00:27:21,139 --> 00:27:23,350 Do you have any opinion? You're a young man, white, 582 00:27:23,350 --> 00:27:24,351 what do you think? 583 00:27:24,351 --> 00:27:27,312 Uh, I don't know, I think talking shit about your mom is crazy. 584 00:27:27,312 --> 00:27:29,105 - I... 585 00:27:29,105 --> 00:27:30,106 Yeah! 586 00:27:31,024 --> 00:27:32,067 Dena. 587 00:27:32,817 --> 00:27:34,361 Do you think it's possible 588 00:27:35,153 --> 00:27:37,530 that for the sake of your daughter's health, 589 00:27:38,239 --> 00:27:40,617 that you could ease up a little bit? 590 00:27:40,617 --> 00:27:42,243 - I will try. "I will try." 591 00:27:42,243 --> 00:27:45,038 Well, we have some good news, Dena. 592 00:27:45,038 --> 00:27:46,831 You're about to have your first test. 593 00:27:47,415 --> 00:27:50,794 Me and your daughter are feeling slightly frisky. 594 00:27:50,794 --> 00:27:53,880 And we would like to have a little snack. 595 00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:56,049 - It's a healthy snack. - Okay. 596 00:27:56,049 --> 00:27:58,301 It's from an organic, healthy... 597 00:27:59,344 --> 00:28:00,720 place. Okay? 598 00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:02,514 - Let's see if you can do it. - Okay. 599 00:28:03,181 --> 00:28:04,599 Please bring out the healthy snack. 600 00:28:11,231 --> 00:28:13,983 Just not the cherries. No, you gotta eat the cherries. 601 00:28:13,983 --> 00:28:16,736 - The cherries are bad for you. - Now, listen... Listen to me. 602 00:28:17,570 --> 00:28:20,365 - She's pissed. - Do you feel triggered right now? 603 00:28:22,158 --> 00:28:23,159 Now... 604 00:28:25,662 --> 00:28:28,331 - I want you to try. Dena, get in here. - Okay. 605 00:28:28,331 --> 00:28:30,583 Get in here a little bit. Give it a shot. 606 00:28:30,583 --> 00:28:32,669 - Give it a shot, Dena. - Don't want the strawberry. 607 00:28:32,669 --> 00:28:34,295 Is this mint or pistachio? 608 00:28:34,295 --> 00:28:35,422 Who the fuck knows? 609 00:28:38,591 --> 00:28:40,719 - Mmm. - This is mint. This is mint. 610 00:28:40,719 --> 00:28:42,846 - Give it up. Have a little bit! - This is mint. 611 00:28:42,846 --> 00:28:45,807 - Come on, Mom! Get in there! - Come on! It's good. 612 00:28:45,807 --> 00:28:47,767 - Go, Mom. Come on! 613 00:28:49,227 --> 00:28:52,230 - Eat the cherry! Get it. Eat the cherry! - Dena! Dena! Dena! 614 00:28:52,230 --> 00:28:53,982 Dena! Dena! 615 00:28:53,982 --> 00:28:56,651 Eat the cherry! - Guys, give it up for Livi and Dena! 616 00:28:56,651 --> 00:28:58,570 Give it up for them, everybody! 617 00:28:59,654 --> 00:29:03,950 Thank you so much. That's $10,000 of Netflix's money. That's... 618 00:29:04,451 --> 00:29:07,036 This was the last season of House of Cards they didn't make. 619 00:29:07,996 --> 00:29:09,164 I appreciate that. 620 00:29:09,164 --> 00:29:11,916 A round of applause again for Dena and Livi, everybody. 621 00:29:13,710 --> 00:29:15,253 That goes right to the homeless. 622 00:29:15,253 --> 00:29:18,214 Take that outside to the homeless encampment right now. 623 00:29:19,799 --> 00:29:21,634 I'm still trying to process this row. 624 00:29:21,634 --> 00:29:25,013 This row is a wild row, I like this row. 625 00:29:25,013 --> 00:29:26,639 This is a wild row. 626 00:29:26,639 --> 00:29:29,976 This white guy is so scared in the middle of this row right now, 627 00:29:29,976 --> 00:29:32,187 he has no idea what happened. 628 00:29:32,187 --> 00:29:34,731 You just landed in the middle of a Kamala Harris rally. 629 00:29:34,731 --> 00:29:36,983 You have no idea what's going on. 630 00:29:36,983 --> 00:29:39,819 This white guy is terrified, 631 00:29:39,819 --> 00:29:42,739 but he's also aroused, and that's what it's about. 632 00:29:42,739 --> 00:29:44,491 That's America right now. 633 00:29:45,074 --> 00:29:48,244 Are we ready to meet some new, fun people? 634 00:29:51,623 --> 00:29:55,752 He said she's turned her back on God and sold her soul to OnlyFans. 635 00:29:55,752 --> 00:29:57,212 But what he really wants 636 00:29:57,212 --> 00:30:00,173 is her to collaborate on YouTube with him again. 637 00:30:00,173 --> 00:30:03,218 Welcome to Gen Z hell. Everybody, welcome Christian. 638 00:30:06,221 --> 00:30:09,098 Christian, come out. Thank you. Sit down. 639 00:30:09,808 --> 00:30:11,810 - Christian, take a seat. - Thank you. 640 00:30:11,810 --> 00:30:14,229 - Thank you. Hello. - Take a seat, Christian. 641 00:30:14,229 --> 00:30:18,942 Now, you used to collaborate a lot with your cousin Bela. 642 00:30:18,942 --> 00:30:20,401 {\an8}- Yes, I did. - On YouTube. 643 00:30:20,401 --> 00:30:22,695 {\an8}Yes. She was like my best friend, we grew up together. 644 00:30:22,695 --> 00:30:24,948 {\an8}I've known her since, you know, I was a baby. 645 00:30:24,948 --> 00:30:26,991 You've known her since you were a baby? 646 00:30:26,991 --> 00:30:29,577 - She's on YouTube. - Yes. 647 00:30:29,577 --> 00:30:32,038 Disrespecting men. What is that? Can you define that? 648 00:30:32,038 --> 00:30:36,251 So, she'll post a video and be like, you know, "Hey," you know, "cuss word," 649 00:30:36,251 --> 00:30:38,670 um, "give me some money," you know. 650 00:30:39,170 --> 00:30:41,297 Like, disrespects them and asks for money, 651 00:30:41,297 --> 00:30:43,007 and then they'll actually send it, 652 00:30:43,007 --> 00:30:45,802 kind of like a gold digger, but, you know, online. 653 00:30:46,344 --> 00:30:49,389 So you don't think that's a good use of her time? 654 00:30:49,389 --> 00:30:50,932 Um... 655 00:30:50,932 --> 00:30:53,268 Honestly, I think she should do what we used to do. 656 00:30:53,268 --> 00:30:55,895 - Like, different types of content. - What did you used to do? 657 00:30:55,895 --> 00:30:59,732 We used to do just normal challenge videos, you know, a basic... 658 00:31:01,985 --> 00:31:03,194 Christian. 659 00:31:03,945 --> 00:31:08,157 Nobody wants you and your cousin doing fucking challenge videos. 660 00:31:08,157 --> 00:31:09,450 Okay, my bad, my bad. 661 00:31:09,450 --> 00:31:12,996 They would rather her doing findom or whatever she's doing on YouTube. 662 00:31:12,996 --> 00:31:14,455 - That's right. My bad. 663 00:31:14,455 --> 00:31:15,665 - My bad. 664 00:31:15,665 --> 00:31:17,959 Should we bring her out? Should we meet her, everybody? 665 00:31:19,252 --> 00:31:20,378 Should we meet her? 666 00:31:20,378 --> 00:31:25,675 Bring her out! Bring her out! Bring her out! 667 00:31:25,675 --> 00:31:29,470 Let's bring out Bela, everybody. 668 00:31:35,643 --> 00:31:36,644 Hi. 669 00:31:36,644 --> 00:31:40,023 He says only God, she says OnlyFans. 670 00:31:40,023 --> 00:31:43,610 Now, Bela, what is the beef? 671 00:31:43,610 --> 00:31:45,320 What is his problem? 672 00:31:46,237 --> 00:31:49,282 {\an8}He has a different perspective on how I make my money because, you know, 673 00:31:49,282 --> 00:31:51,159 {\an8}his parents still pay his bills. 674 00:31:51,159 --> 00:31:52,243 Whoa! 675 00:31:52,243 --> 00:31:53,828 {\an8}- What? Wait. 676 00:31:53,828 --> 00:31:56,205 - Whoa, Christian. Wait. 677 00:31:57,415 --> 00:31:59,500 Mommy and Daddy don't pay my bills, so... 678 00:31:59,500 --> 00:32:01,878 That's right. Men on the Internet do. 679 00:32:01,878 --> 00:32:02,795 Now... 680 00:32:04,255 --> 00:32:07,967 What do you do to, uh, get these men to pay? 681 00:32:07,967 --> 00:32:09,093 Bully them. 682 00:32:09,093 --> 00:32:11,763 My mom's literally subscribed to my OnlyFans to keep me accountable. 683 00:32:11,763 --> 00:32:13,139 I don't post anything inappropriate. 684 00:32:13,139 --> 00:32:16,976 Your mom is subscribed to your OnlyFans to keep you accountable? 685 00:32:16,976 --> 00:32:17,894 Yeah. 686 00:32:17,894 --> 00:32:20,480 {\an8}That should have been the title of the segment. Now... 687 00:32:22,941 --> 00:32:23,900 {\an8}Now, Christian, 688 00:32:23,900 --> 00:32:27,862 why is it your business if your cousin wants to pop her P for cash? 689 00:32:28,488 --> 00:32:29,530 {\an8}Um... 690 00:32:30,531 --> 00:32:33,117 {\an8}Uh, you know, I care about her and I look out for her, 691 00:32:33,117 --> 00:32:36,329 {\an8}I love her, she's, like, my best friend, like, I want to be involved. 692 00:32:36,329 --> 00:32:39,165 {\an8}- I want the best for her. - If you love her, pay her. 693 00:32:40,124 --> 00:32:42,043 {\an8}- Thank you. - All right, fine. Fine! 694 00:32:42,043 --> 00:32:45,546 I don't do anything inappropriate, I don't talk dirty, I don't sell my body. 695 00:32:45,546 --> 00:32:46,673 I literally bully them. 696 00:32:46,673 --> 00:32:48,716 - They just like to be degraded. - Mm... 697 00:32:48,716 --> 00:32:50,885 How long do you plan on making money like this? 698 00:32:50,885 --> 00:32:54,222 I make 20K a month off these guys, so until that goes away... 699 00:32:54,222 --> 00:32:55,181 Whoa. 700 00:32:55,181 --> 00:32:56,516 What? Wow. 701 00:32:57,016 --> 00:32:58,518 Now, get up for a minute. Get up. 702 00:32:58,518 --> 00:33:00,728 Let's be honest, both of you. 703 00:33:00,728 --> 00:33:02,355 Now, you're a subscriber. 704 00:33:02,355 --> 00:33:03,731 - Is it... Wait, what? 705 00:33:03,731 --> 00:33:06,067 Is it weird to see her in real life? 706 00:33:08,528 --> 00:33:11,406 - No. - Yeah, now, what do you think about this? 707 00:33:11,406 --> 00:33:13,491 Who do you think is right here? The... 708 00:33:13,491 --> 00:33:16,536 You know, I don't even know which, but, you know, what's going on? 709 00:33:16,536 --> 00:33:19,998 - 20K a month is good. I'd... I'd say her. Thank you. 710 00:33:19,998 --> 00:33:21,582 Okay, what do you think about this? 711 00:33:21,582 --> 00:33:22,709 Her too. 712 00:33:22,709 --> 00:33:24,711 - Okay. Thank you. - Right. 713 00:33:24,711 --> 00:33:25,753 Thank you. 714 00:33:25,753 --> 00:33:27,964 It's the Charlottesville Riot. Thank you, guys, 715 00:33:28,923 --> 00:33:30,466 for coming here. 716 00:33:30,466 --> 00:33:32,927 This is such a weird Gen Z fucking problem. 717 00:33:33,594 --> 00:33:35,430 - Know what I mean? I get it. - This is normal! 718 00:33:35,430 --> 00:33:37,223 You don't want her to do fucking OnlyFans, 719 00:33:37,223 --> 00:33:40,935 but you want her to waste time with you, do YouTube, that's the worst argument. 720 00:33:40,935 --> 00:33:43,396 - Thank you. You know what I mean? 721 00:33:43,396 --> 00:33:45,273 You're not offering her a better alternative. 722 00:33:45,273 --> 00:33:47,984 Okay. Um, we could play Minecraft, Fortnite... 723 00:33:47,984 --> 00:33:49,652 Oh my God. 724 00:33:49,652 --> 00:33:52,196 - Oh my God, dude, no. What? 725 00:33:52,196 --> 00:33:53,698 Boo! 726 00:33:53,698 --> 00:33:55,533 No Minecraft. - Where's the money? 727 00:33:55,533 --> 00:33:57,618 Can you stand up, sir? Can you stand up? 728 00:33:57,618 --> 00:34:00,204 You got an erection when you heard the word "Minecraft." 729 00:34:01,497 --> 00:34:03,041 Now, Fortnite is... 730 00:34:03,041 --> 00:34:04,333 Now, let me... 731 00:34:04,333 --> 00:34:08,212 Will you play Fortnite with this guy so he doesn't bother this woman? 732 00:34:08,212 --> 00:34:09,547 He seems a bit boring. 733 00:34:09,547 --> 00:34:11,299 - Yeah. - Yeah. It's crazy to ask-- 734 00:34:11,299 --> 00:34:12,592 Are you a gamer? 735 00:34:12,592 --> 00:34:14,135 - Not particularly. - Really? 736 00:34:14,135 --> 00:34:17,096 Yeah. OnlyFans is more fun than gaming, it seems. 737 00:34:17,096 --> 00:34:19,807 Okay, all right. Would you subscribe? 738 00:34:20,349 --> 00:34:22,310 - How much is it a month? I'll bully you! 739 00:34:22,310 --> 00:34:24,062 I don't want to be bullied, no. 740 00:34:24,062 --> 00:34:25,396 You don't wanna be bullied? 741 00:34:25,396 --> 00:34:27,690 He had enough of it in high school. All right. 742 00:34:29,942 --> 00:34:32,779 Come here, what do you think? Are you... Who do you... Are you... 743 00:34:32,779 --> 00:34:35,740 Will you stand up for Christian? No one will. What do you think? 744 00:34:35,740 --> 00:34:38,159 I will stand for my family. And them both are my family. 745 00:34:38,159 --> 00:34:41,287 - That's my cousin! - Oh, this is your cousin? Really? 746 00:34:41,287 --> 00:34:42,580 That's my cousin! 747 00:34:42,580 --> 00:34:45,666 - So who do you... Who do you agree with? 748 00:34:45,666 --> 00:34:47,335 Listen, as family... - Pick a side! 749 00:34:47,335 --> 00:34:51,964 As family goes, we like to stick together, so I don't want to choose both. 750 00:34:52,757 --> 00:34:54,300 But make your money. Respectfully. 751 00:34:54,300 --> 00:34:56,344 - All right. That's fair. Thank you! 752 00:34:56,344 --> 00:34:57,720 That's fair. 753 00:34:57,720 --> 00:34:59,263 - All right, that's fair. - He gets it. 754 00:34:59,263 --> 00:35:03,226 Bela, is there anything, is there any way that you would stop doing OnlyFans? 755 00:35:03,226 --> 00:35:04,352 No. 756 00:35:05,228 --> 00:35:08,439 All right. Give it up for Bela and Christian, everybody. 757 00:35:08,439 --> 00:35:09,816 Clap it up for them. 758 00:35:10,691 --> 00:35:12,527 They should both go to jail. 759 00:35:14,737 --> 00:35:16,864 I've never met a more... 760 00:35:16,864 --> 00:35:19,742 I've never met a more hateable person. All right. 761 00:35:20,451 --> 00:35:22,662 I've never met a more hateable person. All right. 762 00:35:24,831 --> 00:35:27,875 I hope the homeless attack them on the way out. I hope... 763 00:35:27,875 --> 00:35:31,963 I hope their skin is stripped off their body, one by one. I'm kidding. 764 00:35:31,963 --> 00:35:34,090 They're cute. What are you gonna do? I mean... 765 00:35:34,715 --> 00:35:39,679 And now, he's here to tell his wife he lost $200,000 on NFTs, 766 00:35:39,679 --> 00:35:42,849 but don't worry, he's still a true believer. 767 00:35:42,849 --> 00:35:45,351 Let's meet Francesco, everybody. 768 00:35:50,815 --> 00:35:52,316 Yeah! 769 00:35:52,900 --> 00:35:54,652 - What's up? Francesco. 770 00:35:56,946 --> 00:36:00,908 Francesco, you look like every friend I had who lost money on NFTs. 771 00:36:03,870 --> 00:36:05,121 Tell us what happened. 772 00:36:05,121 --> 00:36:09,375 {\an8}Well, the first NFT that I invested in was a... 773 00:36:09,375 --> 00:36:11,794 {\an8}was a picture of a 3D monkey. 774 00:36:11,794 --> 00:36:14,213 - Was it the Bored Ape? - It was a derivative of that. 775 00:36:14,213 --> 00:36:15,298 - It was a derivative? - Yes. 776 00:36:15,298 --> 00:36:18,718 So, it wasn't the Bored Ape Yacht Club, it was a knockoff-- 777 00:36:18,718 --> 00:36:20,428 - Hey! Hey! Hey! 778 00:36:21,262 --> 00:36:23,514 Jesus Christ. Hold on. 779 00:36:24,557 --> 00:36:26,267 This guy's out here baring his soul. 780 00:36:26,267 --> 00:36:28,477 - Now, how much... 781 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:33,733 do you go and lose with NFTs after it's all said and done? 782 00:36:33,733 --> 00:36:38,154 {\an8}So, you know, after we were buying and selling and, you know, doing all that, 783 00:36:38,154 --> 00:36:41,157 {\an8}I was in the hole about 200 grand, you know, by the end of it 784 00:36:41,157 --> 00:36:42,158 Ooh. 785 00:36:42,158 --> 00:36:44,577 Okay. And your wife does not know this? 786 00:36:44,577 --> 00:36:47,830 No, she has no clue that I lost that much money, yeah. 787 00:36:47,830 --> 00:36:49,749 - Yeah. Ooh. 788 00:36:49,749 --> 00:36:52,210 How do you think she's gonna react when you tell her? 789 00:36:52,793 --> 00:36:55,379 Well, my wife actually does have a finance background, 790 00:36:55,379 --> 00:36:58,758 and she works for a big financial institution, 791 00:36:59,425 --> 00:37:02,178 and she's been telling me that this is not a... 792 00:37:02,178 --> 00:37:05,056 wasn't a good idea for a long time. You know, for sure. 793 00:37:05,056 --> 00:37:08,768 So, wait a minute. Your wife, with the financial background, 794 00:37:08,768 --> 00:37:11,103 was telling you that this was not a good idea? 795 00:37:11,103 --> 00:37:12,104 No. 796 00:37:12,104 --> 00:37:18,236 And you still dumped $200,000 of family money into the... 797 00:37:18,945 --> 00:37:21,155 To be fair, $200,000 was what I lost. 798 00:37:21,155 --> 00:37:23,241 I dumped a lot more than that into it. 799 00:37:23,241 --> 00:37:24,867 Okay, all right. All right. 800 00:37:24,867 --> 00:37:27,662 To be... If we're gonna be honest, air out our dirty laundry. 801 00:37:27,662 --> 00:37:29,038 Okay, that's fine. 802 00:37:29,038 --> 00:37:31,082 All right, everybody, are you guys ready? 803 00:37:34,168 --> 00:37:35,253 Bring her out! 804 00:37:35,253 --> 00:37:37,672 This show is all about getting honest. 805 00:37:37,672 --> 00:37:39,215 Bring her out! Bring her out! 806 00:37:39,215 --> 00:37:41,759 - That's right. - Bring her out! Bring her out! 807 00:37:41,759 --> 00:37:47,640 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Lindsey! 808 00:37:53,312 --> 00:37:55,523 Lindsey, welcome to the show. 809 00:37:55,523 --> 00:37:57,817 Welcome to the show. 810 00:37:57,817 --> 00:37:59,694 Lindsey, well... 811 00:37:59,694 --> 00:38:01,821 Aw... 812 00:38:05,324 --> 00:38:09,078 Oh, Lindsey, Lindsey, Lindsey. 813 00:38:09,078 --> 00:38:10,621 Welcome to the show. 814 00:38:10,621 --> 00:38:11,872 Congratulations. 815 00:38:11,872 --> 00:38:13,249 {\an8}Thank you. 816 00:38:13,249 --> 00:38:15,084 {\an8}How many months are you? 817 00:38:15,084 --> 00:38:16,335 {\an8}Eight months. 818 00:38:16,335 --> 00:38:17,295 Wow. 819 00:38:18,004 --> 00:38:21,257 Give her a round of applause, everybody. Congratulations. 820 00:38:23,801 --> 00:38:25,803 Congratulations. 821 00:38:25,803 --> 00:38:28,889 And you're aware that your husband got into crypto and NFTs. 822 00:38:28,889 --> 00:38:31,100 What'd you think about that at the time? 823 00:38:31,100 --> 00:38:33,894 You know, I... I feel it's kind of bullshit. 824 00:38:34,478 --> 00:38:36,605 - Um, it's... 825 00:38:37,940 --> 00:38:41,110 Your husband brought you here because he wants to confess something. 826 00:38:41,110 --> 00:38:42,320 - Oh God. - To you. 827 00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:45,031 - Okay. - And we're gonna let him take it away. 828 00:38:46,240 --> 00:38:47,575 Um... Yeah, so... 829 00:38:53,331 --> 00:38:56,959 {\an8}You know, so, you know, we're having, you know, another child, you know. 830 00:38:56,959 --> 00:38:57,918 {\an8}- Yeah. - And, uh... 831 00:38:57,918 --> 00:39:00,629 {\an8}I wanted to make sure that, you know, we came clean about everything 832 00:39:00,629 --> 00:39:02,923 - in our financial situation. - Uh-huh. 833 00:39:02,923 --> 00:39:04,050 Our financial... 834 00:39:04,842 --> 00:39:07,595 Uh, you know, the story of our financials, you know... 835 00:39:08,721 --> 00:39:10,973 - You sound like Joe Biden. - Yeah. 836 00:39:15,353 --> 00:39:18,189 - I, you know... Yeah, I got out. Yeah. Spit it out already! 837 00:39:20,733 --> 00:39:21,567 So... 838 00:39:21,567 --> 00:39:26,572 Spit it out! Spit it out! Spit it out! Spit it out! Spit it out! 839 00:39:26,572 --> 00:39:28,574 Spit it out! Spit it out! 840 00:39:28,574 --> 00:39:31,327 - So, you know, to come clean, um... 841 00:39:31,327 --> 00:39:35,831 I did lose, uh, you know, around $200,000 of our money in that. 842 00:39:35,831 --> 00:39:36,749 What? 843 00:39:36,749 --> 00:39:38,834 Ooh! 844 00:39:39,460 --> 00:39:42,797 I did lose about... about that amount. However... 845 00:39:42,797 --> 00:39:44,757 - However... - Wait. Wait a minute. 846 00:39:44,757 --> 00:39:48,427 You know, there are new opportunities. You know, there are new coins. 847 00:39:49,887 --> 00:39:52,223 So it... it... it... 848 00:39:52,223 --> 00:39:55,142 So there's these new coins called shitcoins now. 849 00:39:55,142 --> 00:39:56,435 - Babe. - And... 850 00:39:56,435 --> 00:39:58,437 Hold on. Hold on. Let's... 851 00:39:58,437 --> 00:40:01,357 Let's give your wife Lindsey a minute 852 00:40:01,941 --> 00:40:04,568 to just deal with what you just said 853 00:40:04,568 --> 00:40:06,445 before you start pitching her 854 00:40:07,863 --> 00:40:10,157 on shitcoins, you psychopath. 855 00:40:11,075 --> 00:40:13,577 I mean, Jesus Christ. 856 00:40:13,577 --> 00:40:14,954 I mean... 857 00:40:15,454 --> 00:40:16,414 Hold on. 858 00:40:16,414 --> 00:40:18,666 Two hundred thousand dollars? 859 00:40:18,666 --> 00:40:20,918 - Yep. - Are you insane? 860 00:40:23,587 --> 00:40:25,631 - Are you insane? 861 00:40:25,631 --> 00:40:27,842 Two hundred thousand dollars? 862 00:40:27,842 --> 00:40:31,178 Only when what you do... You know, when people say what you do is crazy, 863 00:40:31,178 --> 00:40:35,015 only then are you doing enough. That's what I live by, that's my... 864 00:40:35,015 --> 00:40:36,642 Babe. - That's my, like... 865 00:40:37,643 --> 00:40:39,937 Two hundred thousand dollars? 866 00:40:39,937 --> 00:40:42,565 Wait a minute, what Gary Vaynerchuk quote is that? 867 00:40:43,732 --> 00:40:44,900 Come here for a second. 868 00:40:44,900 --> 00:40:48,195 If this guy... If anyone will agree with you, 869 00:40:48,195 --> 00:40:50,030 it's gonna be someone like this here. 870 00:40:50,030 --> 00:40:54,076 Come here, let me... You look pretty sympathetic to this. 871 00:40:54,076 --> 00:40:57,788 Do you support... This is a guy you'd do coke with in Miami. 872 00:40:57,788 --> 00:41:01,292 Now, what are you... When you hear this guy, what do you think? 873 00:41:01,292 --> 00:41:04,128 He lost $200,000, how do you feel? 874 00:41:04,128 --> 00:41:06,839 All right, admittedly, I did trade crypto. 875 00:41:10,301 --> 00:41:12,178 Wait a minute, we are... we are shocked. 876 00:41:13,262 --> 00:41:16,140 You could have opted into, like, a Roth IRA, 877 00:41:16,140 --> 00:41:18,851 you could have put your money into a trust, government bonds. 878 00:41:18,851 --> 00:41:22,813 Those pay out so well, in, like, 30 years. You would have been set up for retirement. 879 00:41:23,856 --> 00:41:26,442 All right, sit down. Sit down. 880 00:41:26,442 --> 00:41:29,361 This guy's cucking for JPMorgan on the show, 881 00:41:30,070 --> 00:41:31,655 that's not what we want. 882 00:41:32,281 --> 00:41:36,202 I got him up because I thought he was going to be cool and on Molly and shit. 883 00:41:36,785 --> 00:41:39,788 And then he's talking about fucking Roth IRAs. 884 00:41:40,789 --> 00:41:43,334 Your husband's a lot cooler than this fucking guy. 885 00:41:43,334 --> 00:41:45,127 - I'm telling you right now. - He's not. 886 00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:48,923 Will you... Can you... Can you please just weigh in here 887 00:41:48,923 --> 00:41:50,758 because you look like a scumbag. 888 00:41:50,758 --> 00:41:51,926 Is there any way... 889 00:41:51,926 --> 00:41:54,261 Can you please back this guy up? 890 00:41:54,261 --> 00:41:56,472 Is there any... I mean, you understand, right? 891 00:41:56,472 --> 00:41:58,432 - It could have gone up. Do not do it. 892 00:41:58,432 --> 00:42:02,228 I wish I could, I don't think he has it. I think you got to switch turns. 893 00:42:02,228 --> 00:42:03,771 Let her handle the finances. 894 00:42:03,771 --> 00:42:06,148 You handle the children, seems you're more capable of that. 895 00:42:06,148 --> 00:42:08,484 - What do you... Oh-ho-ho-ho. Wait a minute. Oh! 896 00:42:11,737 --> 00:42:14,990 Is there anyone who will support this guy? 897 00:42:14,990 --> 00:42:18,494 - Is there any guy who will? Or woman? - No. 898 00:42:18,494 --> 00:42:20,913 - Yeah. - Yeah, stand up. Thank you, guy. 899 00:42:20,913 --> 00:42:23,874 Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you so mu... 900 00:42:23,874 --> 00:42:26,669 You look like a character witness in a rape trial. 901 00:42:28,671 --> 00:42:30,548 I mean, Jesus Christ. 902 00:42:34,885 --> 00:42:36,178 Hey, it was a tough year. 903 00:42:37,054 --> 00:42:39,348 You were trying to do something good for your family. 904 00:42:39,348 --> 00:42:43,602 You were trying to make an investment. This is America. And the dream can happen. 905 00:42:43,602 --> 00:42:46,355 Listen, Lindsey, American Psycho makes a good point. 906 00:42:47,648 --> 00:42:51,277 I mean, even on the way here, I see this fucking hamster, 907 00:42:51,277 --> 00:42:53,445 with, like, money popping off of it. 908 00:42:53,445 --> 00:42:54,530 And I'm like, 909 00:42:55,489 --> 00:42:56,407 "What is that?" 910 00:42:56,407 --> 00:42:58,617 - Hamster Kombat. Big crypto. - What is that? 911 00:42:58,617 --> 00:43:01,412 - Hamster Kombat. - That's the shit I don't want to see. 912 00:43:01,412 --> 00:43:04,748 Wait a minute. Hold on. Hold on. Hamster Kombat? 913 00:43:04,748 --> 00:43:05,666 Hamster Kombat. Yes. 914 00:43:05,666 --> 00:43:07,960 - This sounds kinda badass. It's pretty good. 915 00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:11,088 Wait a minute. Hold on. What... Is it hamsters that kind of fight? 916 00:43:11,088 --> 00:43:13,048 No! It's one hamster. 917 00:43:13,048 --> 00:43:15,009 - And all it does is... - She doesn't understand. 918 00:43:15,009 --> 00:43:16,969 He just hits it and little money signs pop up. 919 00:43:16,969 --> 00:43:19,471 No, but I like this. Go on about this. 920 00:43:19,471 --> 00:43:21,640 Now... No, no, no, you judgmental cunts. 921 00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:23,058 Now, listen to me, this... 922 00:43:23,058 --> 00:43:25,102 This is a hamster and what happens? 923 00:43:25,102 --> 00:43:26,854 {\an8}Well, the hamster, 924 00:43:26,854 --> 00:43:30,024 {\an8}it just appears out of thin air, the more you touch it, the more you... 925 00:43:30,024 --> 00:43:33,277 {\an8}the more you click on it, and then it becomes a CEO, 926 00:43:33,277 --> 00:43:36,655 {\an8}- and you can buy a Lambo with the ham... 927 00:43:36,655 --> 00:43:39,533 Lindsey, you see this hamster on the plane, what do you think? 928 00:43:39,533 --> 00:43:42,202 Right. I'm like, "Okay, what the hell are you doing?" 929 00:43:42,202 --> 00:43:44,538 I'm like, "Turn the phone. Let me see the phone." 930 00:43:44,538 --> 00:43:46,373 "Let me see the phone." Know what it was? 931 00:43:46,373 --> 00:43:47,750 - It was-- - A woodchuck? 932 00:43:47,750 --> 00:43:50,210 It was two cartoon women 933 00:43:50,878 --> 00:43:52,546 called, "Twerk-something," 934 00:43:52,546 --> 00:43:55,549 and the more you press it, the bigger their butts grow. 935 00:44:01,764 --> 00:44:04,516 It's a mini-game that's part of Hamster Kombat. 936 00:44:04,516 --> 00:44:07,436 So to answer your question, to answer your question, 937 00:44:07,436 --> 00:44:08,395 what I would like 938 00:44:08,395 --> 00:44:11,815 is to not ever see any of this shit again. 939 00:44:11,815 --> 00:44:13,651 Francesco, will you promise 940 00:44:14,193 --> 00:44:16,654 to your beautiful pregnant wife right now 941 00:44:17,237 --> 00:44:19,782 that you will not play... 942 00:44:19,782 --> 00:44:20,866 Mm-hmm. 943 00:44:20,866 --> 00:44:21,950 ...with hamsters, 944 00:44:22,785 --> 00:44:24,036 penguins, 945 00:44:24,036 --> 00:44:26,455 apes, or big-butted women? 946 00:44:28,832 --> 00:44:30,709 If that's what it takes to keep you... 947 00:44:30,709 --> 00:44:33,337 - If that's what it takes... if that... 948 00:44:33,337 --> 00:44:37,341 If... If... If it's my wife or the crypto, 949 00:44:37,341 --> 00:44:38,467 I would choose my wife. 950 00:44:39,176 --> 00:44:43,180 All right, give them a round of applause. Let's give them a round of applause. 951 00:44:46,141 --> 00:44:48,811 Lindsey, do you accept this? 952 00:44:50,270 --> 00:44:51,855 I'll believe it when I see it. 953 00:44:51,855 --> 00:44:55,150 All right. Well, give her a big hug. Give her a big hug and a kiss. 954 00:44:55,150 --> 00:44:56,652 - Come on. 955 00:44:56,652 --> 00:44:58,278 That's your hamster right there. 956 00:44:58,278 --> 00:45:00,489 - That's your big hamster. I love you. 957 00:45:00,489 --> 00:45:03,701 Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Lindsey and Francesco, everybody. 958 00:45:03,701 --> 00:45:06,036 - Give them a round of applause. 959 00:45:06,036 --> 00:45:07,538 Give 'em a round of applause. 960 00:45:07,538 --> 00:45:09,623 Thank you guys so much for coming on. Good luck. 961 00:45:10,582 --> 00:45:13,252 Francesco, I have some opportunities for you later. 962 00:45:13,252 --> 00:45:15,045 We'll figure it out. We'll talk. 963 00:45:16,922 --> 00:45:21,176 Well, after what we've seen here tonight, we can only come to one conclusion. 964 00:45:21,176 --> 00:45:22,845 Harvey Weinstein is innocent. 965 00:45:22,845 --> 00:45:25,222 - I'm kidding. I'm kidding. 966 00:45:25,222 --> 00:45:28,976 The American people are very sick and there's not much we can do about it. 967 00:45:28,976 --> 00:45:32,855 There's not enough prisons to house them, and we can't send them all to fight China. 968 00:45:32,855 --> 00:45:35,107 So, what can we do? 969 00:45:35,107 --> 00:45:37,943 We can keep feeding them and paying them for sex. 970 00:45:37,943 --> 00:45:41,029 Thank you for watching, and register to vote! Good night! 971 00:45:43,282 --> 00:45:47,077 Are you willing to twerk for Kamala? Twerk for Kamala right now. 972 00:45:47,578 --> 00:45:49,830 Twerk for Kamala. That's not twerking. 973 00:45:49,830 --> 00:45:52,040 That's not twerk. That's horrible. 974 00:45:52,040 --> 00:45:54,168 {\an8}- You say you're a magician, right? - Yeah. 975 00:45:54,168 --> 00:45:57,921 {\an8}So pull the rabbit out of the hat and follow the White Rabbit for the truth. 976 00:45:58,964 --> 00:46:00,466 Okay, that was terrible. 977 00:46:00,466 --> 00:46:03,427 But the point is this... It was absolutely terrible. 978 00:46:04,094 --> 00:46:05,929 - Freedom... Yeah. 979 00:46:07,598 --> 00:46:11,185 How... How fucking stupid is the entire... 980 00:46:11,185 --> 00:46:12,936 I mean, this is amazing. 981 00:46:12,936 --> 00:46:16,774 {\an8}These women are treating you like a piñata, but you're allowing it to... 982 00:46:16,774 --> 00:46:19,067 {\an8}That's... And it's not because you're Mexican. 983 00:46:19,943 --> 00:46:21,570 It's not because you're Mexican. 984 00:46:21,570 --> 00:46:24,406 Oh, Mom! 985 00:46:24,990 --> 00:46:25,908 So... 986 00:46:27,284 --> 00:46:30,329 your boys, you would not manage as much, 987 00:46:30,329 --> 00:46:33,707 but if your daughter became a fatty boom-batty, you would... 988 00:46:33,707 --> 00:46:35,751 - You would get involved? - I'd be pretty upset. 989 00:46:35,751 --> 00:46:38,253 - Maya, are you in a relationship now? - I am. 990 00:46:38,253 --> 00:46:41,089 - And what type of man are you with now? - A provider. 991 00:46:41,089 --> 00:46:43,300 - A generous man. - A generous man. Okay. 992 00:46:43,300 --> 00:46:45,344 - And how old is he? - He's 84. 993 00:46:45,344 --> 00:46:46,428 He's 84. 994 00:46:47,387 --> 00:46:48,972 He's 84 years... 995 00:46:48,972 --> 00:46:50,641 - He's... 996 00:46:52,184 --> 00:46:54,311 How creepy are white people? 997 00:46:54,311 --> 00:46:57,147 I'm not a gold-digging whore, but I am a size queen, 998 00:46:57,147 --> 00:46:59,817 and the fact that you can cross your legs like that, 999 00:47:00,442 --> 00:47:01,902 - I don't have the time. Oh! 1000 00:47:01,902 --> 00:47:05,072 Oh! 1001 00:47:06,824 --> 00:47:10,077 Jose! Jose! 1002 00:47:10,077 --> 00:47:11,620 I mean... Right? 1003 00:47:11,620 --> 00:47:13,747 - You're saying he's got a pussy? - Yes. 1004 00:47:13,747 --> 00:47:17,167 Kill John McCain! Kill John McCain! 1005 00:47:17,709 --> 00:47:21,088 Kill John McCain! Kill John McCain! 74496

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