Original subtitles

- Welcome Back To The United States Of Horror.

You return to a world bathed in pain.

A paradise of ruination, where the Grim Reaper sees all

and counts down the days until he will meet you all.

Abandon hope, all ye who enter,

for the cost of passage is your immortal soul.

- The suspect's disappearance is being investigated

in connection with the recent outbreak

of drug trafficking in the area.

She is African American, 32 years old,

5'8", and approximately 120 pounds.

She was last seen in the vicinity

of Hawthorne and Bates Avenues.

That part of the Silver Lake neighborhood

has seen a surge in drug-related activities

over the last few months.

Law-enforcement officials urge everyone

to lock their doors and keep their eyes open

for any suspicious act-

- Hello?

- Babe, I don't wanna be alone here.

- Colette, don't freak out.

- Don't tell me not to freak out. I'm freaking out.

- Okay, well, just calm down.

- That's worse than telling me not to freak out.

- Maybe take a Xanax.

- It's not funny.

- Okay, well, I'm almost done. I'm about 20 minutes away.

- Okay. Hurry.

Babe, I think I saw someone.

- Are the doors locked?

- Yeah. Look, I don't wanna be alone.

- Okay, you're not alone, 'cause Camille's there, so.

- I'm being serious.

- I'll be back soon.

I love you.

- I love you, too.

Bye.

- Hello? - Cole.

Where are you? Somebody's in the house.

- What? - Somebody's in the house.

- Shit! I'm almost there!

- Camille?

- Hey, babe!

- I'm coming! I'm coming!

- Hey. - Hey.

- What's wrong?

- I heard somebody in the house.

There's somebody in the house.

- You okay? - There's somebody

in the house, there's something in the house, down the hall.

- What the fuck, Cole? You're a fucking monster, man.

You've gone way too far. It was just a bad deal.

- That was $100,000, motherfucker!

- We're gonna need more bleach.

- Your call has been forwarded

to an automatic voice message system.

202-555-0857

is not available.

At the tone, please record your message.

When you have finished recording, you may hang up,

or press 1 for more options.

- Morgan, pick up the phone. Morgan?

I'm so sorry, baby, but please, please just come home, 'kay?

I, I'm so sorry.

I threw that fucking thing away, okay?

Just, just please, just please,

just please call me back, okay?

Please. I love you, all right?

Okay, please come home. I love you.

♪ But don't you sweat your pretty skin ♪

♪ 'Cause it melts away ♪ - Don't you think

you're being too hard on him?

I'm gonna answer it next time he calls.

You're too booty-tickled.

- You will do no such thing, Charlie. I'm mad at him.

- Why are you mad at him again?

- Guess.

- 'Cause he was playing on his Xbox?

Doesn't mean you had to ghost him like that.

He moved three states over just to be with you.

He's new here. You're a bitch if you don't call him back.

- He's probably playing his game right now.

God, every time he loses a life

he starts swearing at the TV.

And then he calms down, tells me he loves me,

and that he's sorry.

He's so predictable.

- Can I please just hear his voicemails?

- First unheard message.

- Morgan?

Morgan, is that you?

Babe, please I'll do anything, anything.

- Anything?

- I, uh,

I, I think you have the wrong number.

- No.

No wrong number.

I wanna come inside the house.

- He sounds super sorry for what he did.

You have to call him back.

- Lemme guess, he's so sorry for what he did

and he threw his game away.

- Actually, that's pretty spot on, sis.

- Yeah, I've heard it before.

Howie told me he was different

from the other guys I've dated.

Turns out he was exactly the same.

- Do you love him?

- Yeah, I do.

He wasn't always like this.

In the beginning, we used to go places,

like get in the car and start driving

and see where the road takes us.

I wanted to break up with him

before I even moved back over here.

- Morgan, you just told me you loved him.

- I know. I'm so confused.

I wish he would just man up, take control,

or do something remotely manly.

- How's he supposed to act?

- Creeps in . - When you've been through

what I've been through, you'll understand what I mean.

- I have a boyfriend,

and I don't feel the need to abandon him

after I got him to move three states over.

- Okay, when you say it like that it makes me feel like-

- Like you're acting like a bitch?

- Doesn't mean he's gonna change anything.

He can't give me the love I deserve.

- Why don't you just tell him the truth then?

- If I have to tell a man how to act,

he's not much of a man. - Struts and frets now-

- What's the point of dating someone

if I have to act like their mother?

- Does Howie know you're here?

Did you lie to him, too?

Do Mom and Dad know about that?

If you don't tell me,

I'm just gonna go wake them up and ask them myself.

- Okay, fine. I'll call him.

But it's not gonna change anything.

- Morgan?

- I watched your girlfriend move out.

She seemed pretty upset.

Can you see me?

I don't like being hung up on.

If you hang up on me again,

I'm coming in after you.

- What do you want?

- I didn't think it through when I cut the power line.

I was trying to get in, but then I got spooked.

- Listen, mister, I'm gonna have to call the police

if you keep calling me, okay?

- Call 'em.

I don't think they'll get here fast enough.

- Look, my-my-my phone is about to die, okay?

- No, no, no, no, no!

Don't fucking hang up on me!

- I won't. I won't hang up.

- Smart boy.

- How did you even get this number?

How-how-how did you get this number?

- Do you think he's mad at me?

- He's not mad at you, you dip.

He's been calling you nonstop.

What makes you think he's mad at you?

- I'm thirsty. Do you want anything?

Right. I just feel bad.

I didn't wanna do this, it just happened.

- Special thinking, from the top.

- I really thought he was the one.

My soulmate.

- He's gonna be fine.

- You think so? How do you know?

- Know what?

- That everything's gonna be okay.

- The few times I met Howie,

he didn't make me feel like he was...

what you're describing.

- It's not the man I fell in love with.

He's boring.

Sometimes I wish someone would come around and kick his ass.

- You want someone to kick his ass?

- You know, toughen him up.

- What are you saying? - I don't know.

I'm exhausted from all of it.

I'm gonna go get some tea.

- Who the fuck do you think you are?

Easy peasy.

- Along with a recent slew of clown sightings,

police are now on the lookout for a man

who escaped Boise Psychiatric Facility tonight.

The man is Ian Zane,

and police are following every lead they can

in search of him.

- Did you see this?

- We believe he escaped... - Some nut got out

and is on the loose.

- We'll be fine.

- Did you see what he looked like?

- Police also insist that if you do see Mr. Zane,

do not make contact. - Uh, let's, uh,

hope he doesn't come around here.

- Why? Because you'll kick his ass?

- Don't worry. I can protect you.

I protected Howie our entire relationship.

- I just don't like how you talk bad about him.

- Don't worry. Howie's a pushover.

I'll break the news to him tomorrow.

I'll tell him the truth.

- Can I come? - Yeah, you can come.

If he hasn't killed himself over me already.

- Police urge that if you receive a call

from a number you do not recognize, you do not answer it.

- Help! Somebody help me!

Oh my god!

- Interesting.

- Assist your guy on the call.

- Oh, shit, is that Louis?

Yeah, that's Louis.

He's gonna run. He's gonna run.

He's gonna run. - I got him. You get Louis.

- Hey, hey, Louis, Lou, Louis! No, no, no!

Fuck! Not this place!

- Shit.

- Suspect has entered the,

the Applegate residence.

Fuck.

- Frank, I have the suspect cornered.

I need a backup now!

- Copy that. I'm on my way.

- Please. Help me.

I wanna go home.

Please.

No.

No, no, no! He's coming back!

- Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

- Watch this.

- Oh, shit!

- Your turn.

- Maybe try running a little faster

the next time, huh, bud?

- I didn't do shit!

- You know what they say.

- Shut up, Frank.

- I'm done.

- No, don't go, don't go!

No! no! No, no, no!

Wait! Stop!

- We need to go. Hey, hey.

Get up, we need to go. Come on.

- You shoulda asked me earlier.

- No, come on. We need to go now.

- Well, fuck that!

What is that?

- Kevin.

- Is he off his sleep schedule?

- He's changed.

- It's that goddamn Waldorf school. I was gone a week!

Oh my god, are you kidding me?

- I'm just trying to be prepared.

- Well, you overprepared.

- I told you I didn't want to have kids.

- I told you to pull out!

He really needs a more structured environment.

Kevin? Dear, perhaps we can talk about this!

What are we even doing here?

Are we bad parents?

- Eh, your son's just kind of an asshole.

- Our son.

I know something you don't know.

- What?

- The way out.

I left the window open this morning.

- Oh my god, that's how he got out.

You hear? That's how he got out.

- How we get out.

Oh.

Help me up, you ass!

- Come on, pull!

- Fuck your psycho-ass child!

I love you. - I love you.

- I slept with Carl.

- You love me and you slept with Carl?

- Y-yes.

- Ugh. God.

- Young ma-

- In a world of violence,

where the innocent perish and the vicious thrive,

it is natural to succumb to fear.

The strong prey upon the weak and vulnerable,

looking to carry them away into the darkness.

The shadows are an ally of predators that stalk unnoticed,

waiting to strike the fatal blow.

- So you wanna go somewhere really scary?

I know a place.

A bridge where something terrible happened.

It happened back during the Civil War.

A slave named Momma Lou escaped from a plantation

down in Scott, Arkansas.

She had just given birth.

She heard some Grays coming

but she couldn't get her baby to quit squalling.

As the soldiers got closer, she couldn't let her catch her,

because they woulda took her back to her owner,

and he woulda made an example out of her.

- All right, old-timer. You got my attention.

What happened next?

- She held her baby down into the creek.

- Mm-hmm.

- As they hid down there by the old wooden bridge.

But Momma Lou didn't really know what to do.

As the soldiers got closer,

she kept holding her baby down in there.

But it was too long.

The-the baby was dead.

- Oh, my god.

- Momma Lou was so devastated,

she hung herself from the bridge.

Well, legend says, if you go out there on Halloween night-

- Mm-hmm.

- You walk out on that bridge,

and you say, "Momma Lou, I got your baby,"

all of a sudden,

the baby starts crying.

- Okay.

- Not too long after, Momma Lou appears

and she's looking for her baby.

And sometimes you see her hanging from the bridge.

- Oh, wow.

Is that bridge still there?

- Hell no, that bridge has been torn down and rebuilt

so many times, I lost count.

- Hm.

- But hell, that don't matter to the dead.

- Thank you so much.

This is, this is gonna be so good for my Halloween blog.

- You know, I overheard you talking to the bartender-

- Mm-hmm.

- That you wanna see some scary places.

Momma Lou's Bridge is the scariest place I know.

- I'm counting on it.

All right, can you draw me a map?

- Why, sure. I'd be glad to.

- All right, guys, it's Halloween night,

I'm out here on Momma Lou's Bridge, d'you believe that?

What I need to do is say, "Momma Lou, I got your baby,"

three times, right?

And I'm, oop...

All right, it's getting freaky out here,

but we're gonna do it anyways, okay, all right?

All right, let's do this. All right.

Hold-hold up.

Okay, so here we go, all right?

You ready? One, two, three.

Momma Lou, I got your baby.

And nothing, nothing, nothing yet.

All right, one more time. Ready?

Momma Lou, I got your baby!

I guess maybe she didn't hear me the first time.

Lemme try it again. All right, ready?

This-this is the third time.

This is when it's supposed to happen, okay?

So hold on to your, your underwear so,

'cause you're gonna crap in it right now.

All right, here we go.

Momma Lou! I have your baby!

Nothing. See, look at this.

You guys hear that?

I'm not kidding. That's-that's freaky.

Where's that coming from?

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

You guys seeing this? Guys?

I'm not sure where that's coming from.

Hold on. I'm gonna fall and bust my ass here.

This is, I'm kinda freaking out. Hold on.

You guys seeing this?

Come on in.

Y'all...

Hold on.

Shit.

- You stupid, gullible son of a bitch.

- I don't understand.

- Heh, so sorry that you're confusing, son.

But you see, there's no Momma Lou.

Just a legend.

- Well, a legend and a couple of hungry rednecks.

- That's right.

- I need to return something, dear.

- Hey, hey! What do you think you're doing?

Are you trying to have Christmas trump my birthday?

- Well, we'll just call it a birthday tree.

- No. Get it out.

- Fuck.

♪ Hey, sunshine daddy ♪

All right, it's good to be back in the Royal.

Yeah, I remember when I was

just a young schoolboy.

Just me and my guitar.

Now, after being on tour,

I wrote a couple of good ones for ya.

This one is for you, Baltimore.

It's called "Ride Me to the Top."

A one, a two, a one, two, three, four.

- Uh, are we not headed out?

- I figured a drink first.

- Oh.

Well, you know, my instinct is to say no

when the guy needs a ride.

Hm.

Well, Sammy thought we would hit it off,

and it's good to meet someone not in the industry.

Hm.

- Well, um,

uh, make yourself comfortable.

- Um.

- Oh.

♪ If you swear your allegiance ♪

♪ I'll dress you to a queen ♪

♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ There are some things that I truly can't stop ♪

♪ So ride me, baby, ride me to the top ♪

- Well, have a seat.

♪ To the top ♪

Don't you wanna know who this is?

♪ Oh, baby, you and me ♪

- We should get going.

- No, no, no, no.

Listen.

Listen.

♪ But I'm looking for that old hole ♪

♪ If you promise me your soul ♪

- There's dancing where we're going.

♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ There are some things that I truly can't stop ♪

♪ Ride me, baby, ride me to the top ♪

♪ To the top, to the top ♪

- It takes half a day to build a fox, you know.

- You keep talking over the music.

♪ To the top ♪

♪ Oh yeah, ah ♪

- Oh, you've got to be kidding.

Are you for real?

- Could you just have the common courtesy

and listen for one goddamn minute?

- Just know, I don't book anyone on a date.

But keep going.

You have my undivided impatience.

- No. No, no, no.

You know what?

Yeah, no, forget it. Forget it!

♪ I wanna, I wanna ♪

- Naughty.

- How dare you?

It's got nothing to do with money.

- You cannot leave.

- That's not her line. That's not your line.

That's not her line.

- How dare you?

- Look, I think...

Oh. Oh, well.

Look at that.

He has manners after all.

- My entire life is dedicated... The prince of Persia.

- Sit. - This is not my show.

And you're not even in this...

Ah, I got it. Shopping, I know.

- Hm. Cheers.

♪ Ashes, ashes, we all fall down ♪

- Oh boy.

You know,

Sammy said you were fast.

To ask for a little poke and a glass of whiskey?

Yeah. Yeah, you answered the call real quick for that.

Well, you old paper shaker,

tonight was supposed to be about me.

Me!

You're gonna learn to listen. Hmm?

- Naughty, naughty, needy Nellie.

Greedy boys go in my belly.

Naughty!

- Friday, October 17th, 2020, 2:06 PM.

- Hey, it's me.

I really need to get the rest of my stuff.

I know this is hard, but I can't play these games anymore.

It's over.

You'd better be there tonight.

If you're not, I'm breaking a window

and I'm coming in anyway,

'cause I don't know what else to do.

Please be sober.

I can't handle you drunk right now.

- Message saved.

- Where is everything?

Open up the safe right now.

I'm not gonna deal with this again.

Open it!

- No!

- What the fuck? Dude, what did you do, man?

What's going on? What are you doing to us?

Oh, come on, man. What are you gonna do to me?

Just let go, man.

- You need to be quiet.

You'll upset my wife.

- No, no, no!

- Friday, October 17th, 2020, 2:06 PM.

- Hey, it's me.

I really need to get the rest of my stuff.

I know this is hard, but I can't play these games anymore.

It's over. - Message saved.

- Hers is the most beautiful mind

we've ever had at this university.

- We cannot expel such a brilliant talent.

She is dangerous.

Her research is an abomination.

- Oh, you're just jealous.

- She is outside.

Let's table this discussion

and err on the side of tuition dollars.

Why don't you explain to me why my colleagues

want to expel you today?

- Was it the subcutaneous extract

of

Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis?

- Exactly!

What she said.

And it ruined the pipes!

What are you doing in the lab after hours?

- I thought we were here to discuss

what she did to Dr. Clark.

- Simple pre-implantation genetic mechanics.

- Dr. Clark!

- She shrunk my nuts!

- See? - He asked for it.

- Expelled! - I don't believe anyone

would ask for that. - She misunderstood me.

- What were you doing

in the lab after hours? - Order! Order!

- I implore you.

- Order!

Because of the damages to Stern Hall,

because of what you did to Dr. Clark,

I have no other... You are a menace!

- To expel you.

- Think of the damage you've done.

Human genitalia is not your plaything-

- This is an outrage. - To do with whatever you like.

- Me and my colleagues... He was a pervert!

- are so sorry.

We can't have students using

and doing anything they want.

You have 24 hours to clear out of your lab.

- Baby, baby, baby, baby, please.

Please, don't do this to me. Look, look, look.

I promise I won't talk to that girl again.

Look, it was, it was five minutes.

That don't even count as cheating.

Okay, look, I won't do it.

It was, it wasn't me. It was my biology.

You a scientist. You understand.

Look, five minutes? Do it really count as cheating?

Like, we was in and out.

All you gotta do is just do some squats.

- I know what this is about.

This is 'cause I slept with your roommate, huh?

And then your boyfriend, DeQuan.

I think his name was JeQuan.

Then it was Tara from uptown.

- Skinny latte, no foam.

Skinny latte, no foam. See, I got it now.

Now you can let me outta this jar.

- You are a menace!

- She shrunk my nuts!

- Pissing me off!

And fucked her whole life up. Fucking with me.

I fucked her life up.

Bitch don't know who she fucking with.

Fucked her whole life up.

Fucked it up.

Shit.

Know who she messing with.

Whoa! What the hell was that?

Shit!

Oh no, you're not getting this brother.

Shit, this brother went to Harvard.

Oh, no. Oh, hell nah.

- In this horrific place,

flesh is currency and pain is the chosen language.

Those who foolishly choose to navigate the hell fire

pay the tolls of their journey in human souls.

They cross bridges of skulls

and roads paved with the suffering of the damned.

Our bodies may eventually return to dust

but what lingers on for eternity will claim us all.

- Hello. - Hi, I'm here to pick up a prescription.

- Yeah, all right. For what name?

- Tanya A. Zornow.

My mother. - Oh, yes, yes.

Your mom called before and we talked about her meds.

Do you have a driver's license?

- Oh, yeah.

Here.

- Fine.

We keep hers in the back with all the controlled drugs.

So let me go get it and I'll be right back, okay?

- Okay, take your time. I'm in no hurry.

- Feel free to enjoy a cheese curd while you're waiting.

- Hello? The lights are out.

- I'm just trying

to get to the breaker.

Help! - Sir, are you okay?

- Help. - Really?

Sir? I'm coming to help.

Just give me a moment to get to you.

- Oh! This is bad.

Help. I'm caught.

Here, here. Ow.

Eh, hello?

- Mom! Mom.

Ma. Old lady!

Are you deaf or just stupid?

- What?

I- - It's time for breakfast.

I don't have all day.

Let's go. Come on.

And why are you dressed up to go out?

Number one, you're going to the kitchen,

and number two, hah, it's 80 degrees outside.

Crazy old bat.

- This looks lovely.

- Yeah? Well you better eat it.

And hurry up or you can do your own damn dishes.

- I will! I will eat it all up.

- Yeah, well, I gotta go get dressed.

I'm already late for work. Ugh.

- Stomach pain.

Drowsiness?

Dizziness or weakness.

Temperatures of 104 or above.

Chills, shivering.

Loss of appetite?

Headaches.

Difficulty swallowing.

Mental confusion.

Oh, God.

Oh.

- Thank you. See you tomorrow.

- It's here.

Mm!

Ah.

- I'm leaving for work now. Stay out of things!

- It's still my house.

I can do what I want.

Oh.

Really thought this would end.

- Thank you for again joining us here

in the United States of Horror.

Perhaps you may thrive here.

After all, those with a hunger for the wicked

and a thirst for blood can thrive here.

All it requires is a darkness of the soul

and a willingness to shroud the world in pain.

We will meet again.

But this passionate, despicable land

will demand your very spirit.

Farewell.