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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,378 --> 00:00:02,690 Previously on The L Word Generation.Q. 2 00:00:04,742 --> 00:00:06,428 How'd it go with Nat? 3 00:00:06,453 --> 00:00:08,825 Did she give us permission to live together? 4 00:00:08,866 --> 00:00:10,076 She didn't say no. 5 00:00:10,159 --> 00:00:11,845 She just said she wants to know you better. 6 00:00:11,869 --> 00:00:13,162 Are you dating me or her? 7 00:00:13,204 --> 00:00:14,330 Oh, my. Daniela... 8 00:00:14,414 --> 00:00:16,141 I think I'm gonna go back to school. 9 00:00:16,165 --> 00:00:18,185 I mean, wow, that's incredible. 10 00:00:18,209 --> 00:00:19,728 Are you breaking up with me? 11 00:00:19,752 --> 00:00:22,804 Worst first night of college ever. 12 00:00:22,829 --> 00:00:24,850 I mean, you're single and in L.A. 13 00:00:24,875 --> 00:00:25,834 Ooh. 14 00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:28,219 This could be, like, my ho phase. 15 00:00:28,302 --> 00:00:30,888 You and me, let's open that second bar. 16 00:00:30,972 --> 00:00:32,807 I'll do anything with you. 17 00:00:32,890 --> 00:00:35,852 Oh, no. You've got the itch. 18 00:00:35,893 --> 00:00:36,894 What itch? 19 00:00:36,936 --> 00:00:37,996 Things get too real, 20 00:00:38,020 --> 00:00:39,522 you get restless, 21 00:00:39,605 --> 00:00:41,834 and then you start to, like, wiggle. 22 00:00:41,858 --> 00:00:42,876 Please. I don't wiggle. 23 00:00:42,900 --> 00:00:43,860 I need to go. 24 00:00:43,901 --> 00:00:45,212 Yes. 25 00:00:45,236 --> 00:00:46,839 I need to go! Oh, my God. 26 00:00:46,863 --> 00:00:49,449 You're... you're not thinking clearly. 27 00:00:49,474 --> 00:00:50,592 You love it here. 28 00:00:50,616 --> 00:00:52,261 You love your friends and your job. 29 00:00:52,285 --> 00:00:53,429 That's true. 30 00:00:53,453 --> 00:00:56,038 That's all true, but I love you more. 31 00:00:56,304 --> 00:00:58,264 Please, may I come with you? 32 00:00:58,289 --> 00:01:00,142 No, they just have something real, you know. 33 00:01:00,167 --> 00:01:01,538 That would be nice. 34 00:01:01,586 --> 00:01:03,355 I'm sorry for reacting 35 00:01:03,379 --> 00:01:04,881 the way I did earlier. 36 00:01:04,922 --> 00:01:06,591 I love you. 37 00:01:24,442 --> 00:01:25,485 You look good, 38 00:01:25,510 --> 00:01:27,171 but we should bring you in for observation. 39 00:01:27,195 --> 00:01:29,363 Okay. Thank you so much. 40 00:01:29,460 --> 00:01:31,175 White female, conscious, 41 00:01:31,199 --> 00:01:32,617 presenting with head injuries... 42 00:01:32,700 --> 00:01:33,784 Hi. 43 00:01:33,809 --> 00:01:35,352 Hey, you. 44 00:01:40,791 --> 00:01:42,603 - Whoa. - That's my face. 45 00:01:42,627 --> 00:01:44,337 - Sorry. - Mm. 46 00:01:44,378 --> 00:01:47,381 I think I might have just pressed glass into your skin. 47 00:01:47,423 --> 00:01:49,884 You've always been good in crisis. 48 00:01:49,967 --> 00:01:52,047 - Yeah. - Sorry, ma'am. 49 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:01,163 Hey, I'm looking for my girlfriend. 50 00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:02,873 - Yeah, she's there. - Oh, thank you. 51 00:02:02,897 --> 00:02:03,700 Hey. 52 00:02:03,725 --> 00:02:05,000 Hey, I got here as fast as I could. 53 00:02:05,024 --> 00:02:06,400 Great. 54 00:02:06,425 --> 00:02:08,302 Oh, my God. 55 00:02:10,238 --> 00:02:12,823 - Are you okay? - I am okay. 56 00:02:12,865 --> 00:02:14,885 I'll just wait outside. 57 00:02:14,909 --> 00:02:17,828 - Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. - Sorry. 58 00:02:21,290 --> 00:02:23,751 I'll be right back, okay? 59 00:02:23,834 --> 00:02:25,628 Nat? 60 00:02:29,423 --> 00:02:31,217 Uh, thank you for getting here 61 00:02:31,300 --> 00:02:32,736 - as fast as you did. - Oh. 62 00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:34,679 Yeah, I'm her emergency contact, 63 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:36,639 so I had a head start. 64 00:02:36,722 --> 00:02:38,558 Oh, well, that's... 65 00:02:38,641 --> 00:02:41,185 Which we should change, you know? 66 00:02:41,269 --> 00:02:42,353 It should be you. 67 00:02:42,395 --> 00:02:43,312 Right. 68 00:02:43,337 --> 00:02:44,456 Only one of you can ride. 69 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:45,541 Oh, that-that's me. 70 00:02:45,565 --> 00:02:46,983 Yeah. 71 00:02:47,483 --> 00:02:49,670 Well, call me if you need anything. 72 00:02:49,694 --> 00:02:51,612 I'll be around. 73 00:02:55,324 --> 00:02:58,119 It's going down, down, down 74 00:03:13,843 --> 00:03:15,028 Can you believe 75 00:03:15,052 --> 00:03:17,239 they let me make this show a hundred times? 76 00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:19,473 Yes. It's gonna be a great show. 77 00:03:19,515 --> 00:03:21,368 Oh, my God, the dating show segment? 78 00:03:21,392 --> 00:03:22,744 - Yeah. - Genius. 79 00:03:22,768 --> 00:03:24,204 Thank you. The flowers look great. 80 00:03:24,228 --> 00:03:26,373 And all the contestants have been vetted, right? 81 00:03:26,397 --> 00:03:27,231 Yes. 82 00:03:27,273 --> 00:03:28,667 Okay, 'cause I'm looking for the one. 83 00:03:28,691 --> 00:03:30,043 Right. No cults, no mixed martial arts and... 84 00:03:30,067 --> 00:03:31,253 What do you think? 85 00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:32,671 - Yes. - You got it. 86 00:03:32,695 --> 00:03:35,031 No improvisers of any kind. 87 00:03:35,072 --> 00:03:36,842 Yeah, that last one's very important. 88 00:03:36,866 --> 00:03:39,026 What if this really works? 89 00:03:39,076 --> 00:03:40,554 I mean, what if I find my person? 90 00:03:40,578 --> 00:03:42,639 - Oh, my God! Yeah. - Wouldn't it be amazing? 91 00:03:42,663 --> 00:03:45,124 - Soso and Allyce? - That's us. 92 00:03:45,166 --> 00:03:47,212 I'm sorry if I'm butchering those. 93 00:03:47,237 --> 00:03:50,755 My coworker Kim here got bit by a pig at her family reunion 94 00:03:50,838 --> 00:03:52,608 and her thumb hasn't been the same. 95 00:03:52,632 --> 00:03:55,092 - Oh, sorry about your thumb. - Thanks. 96 00:03:55,134 --> 00:03:57,154 Right, well, I'll see you out there. 97 00:03:57,178 --> 00:03:58,262 Okay. 98 00:03:58,346 --> 00:04:00,181 Oh. 99 00:04:00,264 --> 00:04:02,433 Oh! You. Alice. 100 00:04:02,475 --> 00:04:04,494 Uh, yeah, that's me. 101 00:04:04,518 --> 00:04:05,704 Yeah, I mean, 102 00:04:05,728 --> 00:04:07,706 I guess I shouldn't be surprised given where I am, 103 00:04:07,730 --> 00:04:08,981 I mean, physically... 104 00:04:09,023 --> 00:04:10,834 - Oh, in the... - Here. Yeah. 105 00:04:10,858 --> 00:04:12,294 - Yeah. Lines up. - Yeah. 106 00:04:12,318 --> 00:04:13,712 'Cause the show's called Alice... 107 00:04:13,736 --> 00:04:14,737 Hang on. 108 00:04:14,779 --> 00:04:16,465 I can add a little something special here. 109 00:04:16,489 --> 00:04:18,824 Kim usually does the latte art, 110 00:04:18,866 --> 00:04:21,452 but I'll give it my best shot. 111 00:04:22,578 --> 00:04:23,621 Ta-da. 112 00:04:23,646 --> 00:04:25,798 - Oh, you made a, um... - I can do a heart, 113 00:04:25,823 --> 00:04:27,225 but that just felt a little obvious, 114 00:04:27,249 --> 00:04:28,417 so I went with chaos. 115 00:04:28,501 --> 00:04:29,960 Or a little modern art. 116 00:04:30,002 --> 00:04:31,396 It was nice to meet you. 117 00:04:31,420 --> 00:04:33,106 - Yeah, you, too. - Good luck on the show. 118 00:04:33,130 --> 00:04:35,341 Oh, are you gonna stay and watch? 119 00:04:35,383 --> 00:04:36,610 No, no, no, no. 120 00:04:36,634 --> 00:04:38,528 Um, I'll have to overanalyze this conversation 121 00:04:38,552 --> 00:04:39,887 for like two hours, so... 122 00:04:39,929 --> 00:04:41,222 Why? It's going so well. 123 00:04:42,431 --> 00:04:43,742 No, you should stay and watch. 124 00:04:43,766 --> 00:04:45,452 It's-it's nice to have real fans in the audience 125 00:04:45,476 --> 00:04:47,728 and not just confused tourists who think 126 00:04:47,770 --> 00:04:49,063 they're here to see Ellen. 127 00:04:49,105 --> 00:04:51,107 Sold. 128 00:04:51,190 --> 00:04:52,733 Okay, great. 129 00:05:11,110 --> 00:05:12,952 - Hey. - Hey. 130 00:05:12,977 --> 00:05:16,450 Going to the new bar. Want to break some shit? 131 00:05:17,091 --> 00:05:18,610 - Uh... yeah. - Yeah? 132 00:05:18,634 --> 00:05:20,696 That actually sounds like a dream come true. 133 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:21,827 Let's go. 134 00:05:21,852 --> 00:05:23,597 Holy shit. 135 00:05:23,639 --> 00:05:26,267 Let's have some fun. 136 00:06:07,683 --> 00:06:10,721 If you're horny, let's do it 137 00:06:24,825 --> 00:06:26,577 Hey. 138 00:06:27,870 --> 00:06:30,748 You think I'd be, like, good at school? 139 00:06:30,790 --> 00:06:33,042 What? 140 00:06:33,083 --> 00:06:35,961 You know, like, college. 141 00:06:39,590 --> 00:06:41,926 I don't know. Were you any good before? 142 00:06:42,384 --> 00:06:44,887 No, not really. 143 00:06:45,429 --> 00:06:48,766 Yes, I love that place. I'll meet you there. Um... 144 00:06:48,849 --> 00:06:51,477 Sorry, can you hold on just one second. 145 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:55,011 Um, hi. What the hell do the two of you think you're doing? 146 00:06:55,036 --> 00:06:56,605 We don't start demo until tomorrow. 147 00:06:56,630 --> 00:06:58,114 I know. I know, I know, I know, 148 00:06:58,138 --> 00:07:00,200 but we got a head start, and look how much we got done. 149 00:07:00,224 --> 00:07:01,326 I mean, check that out. 150 00:07:01,351 --> 00:07:03,561 Come on. Come on, have a whack. 151 00:07:03,906 --> 00:07:06,051 It's a maj stress reliever. Have a whack. 152 00:07:06,075 --> 00:07:08,303 No, Finley, I don't want to give it a whack. 153 00:07:08,327 --> 00:07:10,871 All right. Your loss. 154 00:07:10,955 --> 00:07:13,165 Oh, shit! Fuck! 155 00:07:13,207 --> 00:07:14,432 Okay. 156 00:07:14,457 --> 00:07:16,293 I'm gonna stop the water. 157 00:07:16,318 --> 00:07:17,488 I got it! I got it! 158 00:07:17,513 --> 00:07:19,022 Finley, go around the corner. 159 00:07:19,328 --> 00:07:21,330 It's not a big deal, Tess. 160 00:07:21,355 --> 00:07:22,667 - Truly. Just calm down. - You there? 161 00:07:22,691 --> 00:07:24,677 Yeah, actually, can you meet me here? 162 00:07:24,718 --> 00:07:27,030 Great, I'm gonna text you the address right now. 163 00:07:27,054 --> 00:07:28,556 Okay, bye. 164 00:07:28,902 --> 00:07:30,325 This is exactly why 165 00:07:30,349 --> 00:07:32,319 you should not be fucking around in here. 166 00:07:32,344 --> 00:07:33,698 - It's just... - I have got so much 167 00:07:33,722 --> 00:07:35,497 on my plate already and now, this. 168 00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:37,916 - Tess, it's just an accident. - You're gonna have to tell Alice 169 00:07:37,940 --> 00:07:39,125 that I can't make it tonight 170 00:07:39,149 --> 00:07:40,877 because I'm gonna be here waiting for a plumber. 171 00:07:40,901 --> 00:07:42,170 Why? No, no, no. 172 00:07:42,194 --> 00:07:44,697 I can help with that. 173 00:07:45,239 --> 00:07:49,034 Your help is how this happened. So thanks, but no thanks. 174 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:53,122 All right, then. 175 00:07:53,205 --> 00:07:55,666 I should just stay out of your way then. 176 00:07:55,749 --> 00:07:57,668 Hmm? 177 00:07:57,751 --> 00:07:59,712 - Yeah. - Yeah, I will. 178 00:08:02,256 --> 00:08:03,900 Oh, my God. 179 00:08:05,426 --> 00:08:07,986 Did you get the chocolate fountain? 180 00:08:08,011 --> 00:08:11,015 Yup. Whatever Alice wants, I'll make it happen. 181 00:08:11,098 --> 00:08:12,367 It's her show. 182 00:08:12,391 --> 00:08:14,369 - Oh, yeah. - Okay, leaving now. 183 00:08:14,393 --> 00:08:16,812 - All right, see you there. - Bye. 184 00:08:17,688 --> 00:08:18,898 Hi and bye. 185 00:08:18,939 --> 00:08:21,692 Have you seen my other earring? Is it in the bathroom? 186 00:08:21,734 --> 00:08:23,510 I didn't see it. 187 00:08:23,535 --> 00:08:26,113 Mm. I'm sorry. 188 00:08:26,196 --> 00:08:27,299 Just borrow a pair of mine. 189 00:08:27,323 --> 00:08:30,650 Your car's gonna be here at 3:00. 190 00:08:30,675 --> 00:08:32,237 He's usually a little early, so... 191 00:08:32,286 --> 00:08:34,788 Okay. 192 00:08:34,872 --> 00:08:36,040 Not that early. 193 00:08:36,123 --> 00:08:38,417 Oh, it's... 194 00:08:38,949 --> 00:08:40,002 Nat. 195 00:08:40,027 --> 00:08:43,322 - Hi. - Hi. 196 00:08:43,347 --> 00:08:45,099 Um... 197 00:08:45,257 --> 00:08:47,527 Sorry, what are you... what are you doing here? 198 00:08:47,551 --> 00:08:51,103 Oh, hi. Uh, Gigi just called me. 199 00:08:51,128 --> 00:08:52,066 Oh. 200 00:08:52,091 --> 00:08:53,908 I can't get ready on my own, 201 00:08:53,933 --> 00:08:55,410 and I didn't want you to be late. 202 00:08:55,434 --> 00:08:57,037 Yeah. 203 00:08:57,061 --> 00:08:58,312 Happy to help. 204 00:08:58,354 --> 00:08:59,497 - Right. - Yeah. 205 00:08:59,521 --> 00:09:02,024 No. Sure, that's great. 206 00:09:03,067 --> 00:09:05,152 Yeah. Um, I will... 207 00:09:05,177 --> 00:09:06,888 see you... both 208 00:09:06,913 --> 00:09:08,364 at Alice's show later then? 209 00:09:08,389 --> 00:09:09,433 Oh, yeah. 210 00:09:09,458 --> 00:09:10,477 I will be there. 211 00:09:10,502 --> 00:09:12,146 Margaret Cho is on my bucket list. 212 00:09:12,171 --> 00:09:14,215 - Not to... - Great. 213 00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:15,988 Fuck, just meet. 214 00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:18,557 Sure. Right. Um... 215 00:09:18,582 --> 00:09:19,875 All right. I love you. 216 00:09:19,959 --> 00:09:21,126 Love you. 217 00:09:21,679 --> 00:09:23,180 Bye! 218 00:09:24,947 --> 00:09:26,330 - Hi! - Hi. 219 00:09:26,355 --> 00:09:27,525 How are you doing? 220 00:09:27,549 --> 00:09:29,176 Uh, I feel like shit. 221 00:09:29,259 --> 00:09:31,637 But I'm on a lot of drugs. 222 00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:32,989 - Nice. - No, I'm good. 223 00:09:33,013 --> 00:09:35,808 Honestly... I've had five days off. 224 00:09:35,849 --> 00:09:38,713 I can't remember the last time I had five days off. 225 00:09:38,738 --> 00:09:41,127 Oh. Well, I actually do remember. 226 00:09:41,152 --> 00:09:45,252 Yeah, it was when you got hand, foot and mouth from the kids, 227 00:09:45,277 --> 00:09:48,988 and I don't think you went out in public for, like, a week. 228 00:09:49,071 --> 00:09:50,072 Okay, fine. 229 00:09:50,155 --> 00:09:52,950 Last time was when I had hand, foot and mouth. 230 00:09:52,992 --> 00:09:54,535 Yeah. 231 00:09:58,664 --> 00:10:01,083 Do you want to talk about... 232 00:10:01,542 --> 00:10:04,378 what happened the other night? 233 00:10:06,338 --> 00:10:07,339 No. 234 00:10:07,381 --> 00:10:10,009 All right. 235 00:10:10,592 --> 00:10:12,594 I mean, honestly, it was... 236 00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:14,221 it was nothing. 237 00:10:14,304 --> 00:10:15,824 - Yeah. - Yeah. 238 00:10:15,848 --> 00:10:18,225 - Right? - Mm. Yes. 239 00:10:21,812 --> 00:10:24,273 Yeah, no, no. It's-it's good, Mom, I swear. 240 00:10:24,314 --> 00:10:27,359 Jordi's just... having trouble with boundaries 241 00:10:27,443 --> 00:10:29,153 and, like, texting me a lot. 242 00:10:29,236 --> 00:10:30,988 But I'm fine, you know? 243 00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:33,091 I'm-I'm excited for class, you know? 244 00:10:33,115 --> 00:10:34,783 I feel like it's, um... 245 00:10:34,825 --> 00:10:36,660 a fresh start, you know? 246 00:10:36,744 --> 00:10:38,370 Okay. I love you. 247 00:10:38,412 --> 00:10:41,081 Yes. Yes, yes, it's on my keychain. 248 00:10:41,123 --> 00:10:43,917 Okay. I love you. Bye. 249 00:10:47,629 --> 00:10:51,925 Hey, y'all! Um, my name is Samuel Hendrix. 250 00:10:52,009 --> 00:10:53,302 I am your professor. 251 00:10:53,343 --> 00:10:57,431 We're gonna investigate our own individual creativity, 'kay? 252 00:10:57,473 --> 00:10:59,058 Um, I am a poet, 253 00:10:59,099 --> 00:11:01,602 a songwriter, a lousy piano player 254 00:11:01,643 --> 00:11:02,787 and I wrote a book once. 255 00:11:02,811 --> 00:11:04,188 That therefore qualifies me 256 00:11:04,271 --> 00:11:07,608 to be your Introduction to Creative Writing instructor. 257 00:11:07,649 --> 00:11:09,860 Welcome, y'all. 258 00:11:09,902 --> 00:11:11,880 - Okay... - Fuck me. 259 00:11:11,904 --> 00:11:13,906 So... 260 00:11:13,947 --> 00:11:15,449 we're gonna... 261 00:11:15,491 --> 00:11:17,785 we're gonna jump right in. 262 00:11:17,868 --> 00:11:19,870 - Hey! - Hey! 263 00:11:19,953 --> 00:11:21,872 Happy 100th. 264 00:11:21,914 --> 00:11:23,290 The chart. 265 00:11:23,373 --> 00:11:24,726 - Right? - Oh! 266 00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:26,126 God, where it all began. 267 00:11:26,168 --> 00:11:27,854 Just a reminder of your humble beginnings. 268 00:11:27,878 --> 00:11:29,118 I love it. Let's hang it. 269 00:11:29,171 --> 00:11:30,743 Take that down. I can't stand this picture. 270 00:11:30,767 --> 00:11:31,922 I did your hair for that. 271 00:11:31,947 --> 00:11:34,635 Well, I like my hair. I just... 272 00:11:34,718 --> 00:11:36,345 This is better. 273 00:11:36,386 --> 00:11:37,697 Right? 274 00:11:37,721 --> 00:11:38,907 Love it! 275 00:11:38,931 --> 00:11:41,034 - Ugh. Oh... - Do you still talk to her? 276 00:11:41,058 --> 00:11:43,227 - No. No, no. - She was really cute. 277 00:11:43,310 --> 00:11:44,554 Um, Bette and Tina got me 278 00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:45,705 - those flowers. - That's nice. 279 00:11:45,729 --> 00:11:46,948 - Pretty. - Glad they're making it work. 280 00:11:46,972 --> 00:11:49,000 Mm. Tom got me a basket of Bic pens. 281 00:11:49,024 --> 00:11:52,027 - That's odd. - Well, you know, I turned down 282 00:11:52,111 --> 00:11:53,421 - the marriage proposal. - Right. 283 00:11:53,445 --> 00:11:55,090 But he's still able to be a good friend. 284 00:11:55,114 --> 00:11:57,074 Or he's still hoping. 285 00:11:58,033 --> 00:11:59,219 Honestly, either way is fine. 286 00:11:59,243 --> 00:12:00,363 Is this for me, too? 287 00:12:00,410 --> 00:12:01,846 - What? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. - This one. 288 00:12:01,870 --> 00:12:03,681 That's just my old hair products. 289 00:12:03,705 --> 00:12:04,974 Oh. Yeah, I don't want that. 290 00:12:04,998 --> 00:12:06,834 I know you don't, but Ivy does. 291 00:12:06,917 --> 00:12:09,962 And I figured I'd give 'em to her, so... 292 00:12:10,003 --> 00:12:10,963 Okay. 293 00:12:11,004 --> 00:12:12,357 Do you know where I can find her? 294 00:12:12,381 --> 00:12:14,359 Yeah. Over here. 295 00:12:14,383 --> 00:12:16,677 You two really hit it off the other night. 296 00:12:16,718 --> 00:12:18,887 - No, it was just work. - Mm. 297 00:12:18,929 --> 00:12:20,389 Where's Tess? 298 00:12:20,472 --> 00:12:23,559 Unfortunately, she's not able to make it. 299 00:12:24,059 --> 00:12:25,995 So she wanted me to send you her love. 300 00:12:26,019 --> 00:12:27,747 Well, I'm sorry she's gonna miss it. 301 00:12:27,771 --> 00:12:28,605 Me, too. 302 00:12:28,647 --> 00:12:30,482 Oh. Real quick... 303 00:12:30,566 --> 00:12:31,668 Don't sit in the front. 304 00:12:31,692 --> 00:12:33,002 I don't want to give too much away, 305 00:12:33,026 --> 00:12:34,879 but there is a lube slip-and-slide. 306 00:12:34,903 --> 00:12:36,089 It might get a little messy. 307 00:12:36,113 --> 00:12:38,490 How do you come up with this shit? 308 00:12:39,032 --> 00:12:40,909 Okay, so, VIPs are gonna hang 309 00:12:40,993 --> 00:12:42,303 - in the Alice lounge. - Huh. 310 00:12:42,327 --> 00:12:44,264 I got this queer winemaker to sponsor it. 311 00:12:44,288 --> 00:12:46,349 Um, the list is getting pretty long though, 312 00:12:46,373 --> 00:12:48,434 so I'm thinking we do overflow in the greenroom. 313 00:12:48,458 --> 00:12:50,127 All right, that sounds... good. 314 00:12:50,169 --> 00:12:51,229 I mean, that'll work. 315 00:12:51,253 --> 00:12:54,021 - Um... - Oh, hey, how's Gigi? 316 00:12:54,046 --> 00:12:56,508 Uh, you know, ribs take a while to heal. 317 00:12:56,550 --> 00:12:57,777 But other than that, she's fine. 318 00:12:57,801 --> 00:13:00,262 Okay. Well, hey, um... 319 00:13:00,345 --> 00:13:01,614 when's she's feeling better, 320 00:13:01,638 --> 00:13:03,491 why don't you guys come over for dinner? 321 00:13:03,515 --> 00:13:05,368 - With me and Finley. - Uh... 322 00:13:05,392 --> 00:13:06,810 M-Maybe. 323 00:13:06,852 --> 00:13:08,395 Ouch. 324 00:13:08,437 --> 00:13:09,563 I said maybe. 325 00:13:09,646 --> 00:13:11,291 Come on. 326 00:13:11,315 --> 00:13:13,209 - This bitch. 327 00:13:15,694 --> 00:13:18,363 There's also, I think, like, a pipe or something 328 00:13:18,405 --> 00:13:20,258 - rattling in the ceiling. - Okay. 329 00:13:20,282 --> 00:13:21,200 Could be animals. 330 00:13:21,283 --> 00:13:23,136 - Rats. - Uh-oh. 331 00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:24,453 I stopped feeding 'em. 332 00:13:24,494 --> 00:13:25,930 Okay, I'm gonna check everything out. 333 00:13:25,954 --> 00:13:27,140 Okay, great. Thank you. 334 00:13:27,164 --> 00:13:28,683 If you need anything from me, just come 335 00:13:28,707 --> 00:13:29,851 and find me. I'll be here all day. 336 00:13:29,875 --> 00:13:31,060 - Sounds great. - 'Kay. 337 00:13:31,084 --> 00:13:33,795 Tess, please don't stay here. 338 00:13:33,879 --> 00:13:36,089 I'm the one that broke the pipe. 339 00:13:36,131 --> 00:13:37,216 I know, but... 340 00:13:37,257 --> 00:13:39,027 Listen, you shouldn't have to stay with the plumber. 341 00:13:39,051 --> 00:13:40,886 I-I want to. Really. Please? 342 00:13:40,969 --> 00:13:42,155 No, it's fine. 343 00:13:42,179 --> 00:13:44,806 My sponsee's already on the way and... 344 00:13:44,848 --> 00:13:46,534 I got the highlighter. I got the book. 345 00:13:46,558 --> 00:13:48,536 I know the AA deal. 346 00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:50,812 - I can't ask you to do that. - No, 347 00:13:50,854 --> 00:13:51,915 you're not asking. 348 00:13:51,939 --> 00:13:53,148 Please? 349 00:13:53,190 --> 00:13:54,107 I want to. 350 00:13:54,191 --> 00:13:55,067 Let me make this right. 351 00:13:55,108 --> 00:13:56,735 Come on. Go be with Shane. 352 00:13:59,571 --> 00:14:00,697 I was... 353 00:14:00,781 --> 00:14:03,075 way harsh on her earlier. 354 00:14:10,749 --> 00:14:12,685 Next week's gonna be a deep dive into structure, 355 00:14:12,709 --> 00:14:13,877 so be ready for that. 356 00:14:13,961 --> 00:14:15,730 Also, if you want to hear some great writing, 357 00:14:15,754 --> 00:14:18,257 my buddy is doing a reading at the campus bookstore. 358 00:14:18,340 --> 00:14:20,360 Hi, excuse me. Will you just wait one second? 359 00:14:20,384 --> 00:14:22,111 - Yeah. - Um, yeah, that's it. 360 00:14:22,135 --> 00:14:23,220 Um, hi. 361 00:14:23,262 --> 00:14:27,391 Uh, I have a quick question for you. 362 00:14:27,432 --> 00:14:29,476 Um... 363 00:14:29,559 --> 00:14:31,603 it is you, right? 364 00:14:32,104 --> 00:14:35,482 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I knew it was you. 365 00:14:35,524 --> 00:14:36,542 Hi! 366 00:14:36,566 --> 00:14:38,527 Um, yes, I just... 367 00:14:38,568 --> 00:14:42,114 I wanted to say I'm sorry about... 368 00:14:42,155 --> 00:14:45,075 like, kissing you the other night. 369 00:14:45,158 --> 00:14:49,830 Um, just please know that won't, like, ever happen again. 370 00:14:49,871 --> 00:14:51,933 I had just broken up with my first girlfriend 371 00:14:51,957 --> 00:14:54,143 who I was in love with, and my moms are, like, 372 00:14:54,167 --> 00:14:56,116 getting back together, which is, like, a whole thing. 373 00:14:56,140 --> 00:14:59,047 And it's my... It's my first week of college. 374 00:14:59,131 --> 00:15:00,841 Anyway, I just want you to know 375 00:15:00,866 --> 00:15:04,636 if-if you want me to, like, drop your class, I totally will. 376 00:15:05,178 --> 00:15:08,265 I'm happy you're in my class. 377 00:15:10,475 --> 00:15:11,935 Okay. 378 00:15:12,019 --> 00:15:13,437 Okay. Great. 379 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:15,355 I'll see you next week? 380 00:15:16,106 --> 00:15:17,190 See ya. 381 00:15:29,536 --> 00:15:30,930 Give Alice five. 382 00:15:30,954 --> 00:15:32,598 I thought you gave Wardrobe ten. 383 00:15:32,622 --> 00:15:34,434 Yeah, but we got to give Alice five so she gets here on time. 384 00:15:34,458 --> 00:15:36,835 - Oh, gotcha. - No, no, it's yours. 385 00:15:36,877 --> 00:15:39,004 Thank you. Thank you, thank you. 386 00:15:39,046 --> 00:15:40,440 - You don't need to thank me. - Five minutes. 387 00:15:40,464 --> 00:15:42,799 That was collecting dust in my garage. 388 00:15:42,841 --> 00:15:43,633 What? 389 00:15:43,675 --> 00:15:46,470 This is literally liquid gold. 390 00:15:46,553 --> 00:15:48,531 Y'all hear that? Nobody touch my shit. 391 00:15:48,555 --> 00:15:50,450 - This is a no-fly zone. - Okay, okay. 392 00:15:50,474 --> 00:15:52,076 15 minutes, everyone. 393 00:15:52,100 --> 00:15:53,810 15 minutes till showtime. 394 00:15:53,852 --> 00:15:56,021 All right, I'm gonna go get my seat. 395 00:15:56,104 --> 00:15:58,398 You don't want to hang back here? 396 00:15:58,440 --> 00:15:59,983 This is where all the fun is. 397 00:16:04,404 --> 00:16:06,299 I feel lots of love here, people. 398 00:16:06,323 --> 00:16:08,009 - Okay. - Uh-huh. 399 00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:09,552 - You know what time it is. - All right, can I get you 400 00:16:09,576 --> 00:16:11,637 any water or anything? You want some... 401 00:16:11,661 --> 00:16:13,413 Oh, I heard there was champagne. 402 00:16:14,873 --> 00:16:17,584 No, you're... I mean, you're probably busy. I-I could get it. 403 00:16:17,626 --> 00:16:19,645 - No, I-I can get it. - You're so busy. 404 00:16:19,669 --> 00:16:20,504 I will get it. 405 00:16:20,587 --> 00:16:21,773 - You sure? Okay. - Yeah. 406 00:16:21,797 --> 00:16:22,756 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 407 00:16:22,798 --> 00:16:23,673 How you feeling? 408 00:16:23,757 --> 00:16:24,776 - You okay? - I'm fine. 409 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,152 - Go do your thing. - Okay. 410 00:16:26,176 --> 00:16:28,345 Well, the show starts in ten, 411 00:16:28,428 --> 00:16:30,448 if you need anything before then. 412 00:16:30,472 --> 00:16:31,431 Oh! I do. 413 00:16:31,473 --> 00:16:34,101 Uh, these are for Alice. 414 00:16:34,142 --> 00:16:35,268 Yeah. I wanted 415 00:16:35,310 --> 00:16:36,788 to get her flowers, but the lady by the side 416 00:16:36,812 --> 00:16:39,481 of the freeway only had oranges today, so... 417 00:16:39,523 --> 00:16:40,399 there you go. 418 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:41,817 S-So you got oranges? 419 00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:42,919 Okay. 420 00:16:42,943 --> 00:16:44,254 - Yep. - Wonderful. 421 00:16:44,279 --> 00:16:45,946 I'll see she gets these. 422 00:16:45,997 --> 00:16:48,083 - Thanks. - Yeah. 423 00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:50,277 Mm-hmm. 424 00:16:50,992 --> 00:16:53,262 I feel like she didn't think that was funny. 425 00:16:53,286 --> 00:16:55,556 I wouldn't take it personally. 426 00:16:55,580 --> 00:16:57,249 'Kay. 427 00:16:57,290 --> 00:16:58,857 You got some fluff in your hair. 428 00:16:58,882 --> 00:16:59,883 Oh. 429 00:16:59,967 --> 00:17:02,136 - Thanks. - Mm-hmm. 430 00:17:02,368 --> 00:17:03,619 Got it? 431 00:17:04,117 --> 00:17:05,744 Hair's looking healthy. 432 00:17:05,769 --> 00:17:08,105 You finally using new products? 433 00:17:09,553 --> 00:17:10,846 Yeah, actually. 434 00:17:10,887 --> 00:17:14,224 It's, uh, called Grape Jelly by Eli. 435 00:17:14,683 --> 00:17:18,687 Yeah, it's applied by just flinging it across the table. 436 00:17:18,728 --> 00:17:20,415 It's in high demand. 437 00:17:20,439 --> 00:17:21,707 I'll try and get you his number. 438 00:17:28,155 --> 00:17:30,824 I saw you when I got hit. 439 00:17:31,191 --> 00:17:34,611 Yeah, I-I can't believe how fast I was able to get there. 440 00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:35,971 No. 441 00:17:36,663 --> 00:17:40,917 The way they say your life flashes before your eyes. 442 00:17:42,752 --> 00:17:45,630 I saw you and the kids. 443 00:17:47,174 --> 00:17:48,758 My family. 444 00:17:51,678 --> 00:17:54,267 I'm sure it was just... the adrenaline. 445 00:17:54,292 --> 00:17:55,739 - You know? That's all. - Here you go. 446 00:17:55,763 --> 00:17:56,850 Oh, thank you. 447 00:17:56,892 --> 00:17:58,351 Yeah. 448 00:17:58,935 --> 00:18:00,705 What are they? 449 00:18:00,729 --> 00:18:01,605 That's right. 450 00:18:01,688 --> 00:18:03,899 Um, she didn't bring you a glass. 451 00:18:03,940 --> 00:18:06,067 No. 452 00:18:06,610 --> 00:18:08,004 You know what? That's okay. Actually, 453 00:18:08,028 --> 00:18:10,655 I think I have a reusable straw in here. 454 00:18:10,697 --> 00:18:12,341 Let's see. 455 00:18:23,418 --> 00:18:24,753 Finley? 456 00:18:24,836 --> 00:18:26,147 - Hi! - Hi. 457 00:18:26,171 --> 00:18:27,315 - Carrie, right? - Yes, hi. 458 00:18:27,339 --> 00:18:28,608 - Hi, how are you? - I'm good. 459 00:18:28,632 --> 00:18:29,984 - Nice to meet you. - Thank you. You, too. 460 00:18:30,008 --> 00:18:31,986 You know, Tess described you so perfectly. 461 00:18:32,010 --> 00:18:34,030 - Oh. - She said, "Leonardo DiCaprio 462 00:18:34,054 --> 00:18:35,305 from Romeo + Juliet." 463 00:18:35,388 --> 00:18:37,283 And with the hair and everything, I totally see it. 464 00:18:37,307 --> 00:18:40,886 Wow, that is weirdly the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me. 465 00:18:40,911 --> 00:18:41,995 Wow. 466 00:18:42,020 --> 00:18:44,231 God, I must be on some kind of gender journey, huh? 467 00:18:44,272 --> 00:18:46,691 Yeah. I wouldn't know enough about that to say. 468 00:18:46,775 --> 00:18:48,503 So what do we do? 469 00:18:48,527 --> 00:18:49,587 Uh, yeah, sit down. 470 00:18:49,611 --> 00:18:51,172 - Right here? - Yeah. 471 00:18:51,196 --> 00:18:52,113 Okay. 472 00:18:52,155 --> 00:18:54,282 Wait, so how do you know Tess? 473 00:18:54,324 --> 00:18:56,511 I hit rock bottom. I went on a bender. 474 00:18:56,535 --> 00:18:58,429 That's when Tess became my sponsor. 475 00:18:58,453 --> 00:18:59,996 So, I'm here 476 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:03,583 to tell you about the tsunami of depression that... 477 00:19:03,667 --> 00:19:05,335 kicked my ass after I found out 478 00:19:05,377 --> 00:19:07,837 that my fiancée got back with her ex. 479 00:19:07,921 --> 00:19:09,649 - Shit. - Yeah. 480 00:19:09,673 --> 00:19:12,467 Well, we got this puppy to guide us. 481 00:19:12,509 --> 00:19:14,487 - So, silver lining. - Okay. Right. 482 00:19:14,511 --> 00:19:15,863 - Yeah, it can't hurt, right? - Yeah. 483 00:19:15,887 --> 00:19:17,490 But, listen, I got to hit the head first. 484 00:19:17,514 --> 00:19:20,267 I, like, pounded, like, a gallon of iced tea on the way here. 485 00:19:20,350 --> 00:19:21,953 Course. Uh, the water's out in here, 486 00:19:21,977 --> 00:19:24,163 but right around the corner is Dana's. 487 00:19:24,187 --> 00:19:25,790 Pop in there, there's a bathroom. 488 00:19:25,814 --> 00:19:29,192 Okay, great. And, listen, I got a free sub with my punch card. 489 00:19:29,276 --> 00:19:30,735 If you want one, take it. 490 00:19:30,777 --> 00:19:32,445 Oh, sweet. Thanks. 491 00:19:32,487 --> 00:19:33,572 What-what is it? 492 00:19:33,597 --> 00:19:35,533 Uh, it's turkey and cheese, no dressing. 493 00:19:35,558 --> 00:19:37,435 I don't like wet bread. 494 00:19:41,387 --> 00:19:42,664 Copy that. 495 00:19:43,748 --> 00:19:47,127 Kegel and hold. Kegel and hold. 496 00:19:47,168 --> 00:19:48,295 Don't sneeze. 497 00:19:48,336 --> 00:19:50,380 Oh, no. Don't sneeze. 498 00:19:50,422 --> 00:19:51,464 Okay. 499 00:19:51,506 --> 00:19:53,121 Almost there. 500 00:19:57,220 --> 00:19:58,430 Oh, occupied! 501 00:19:58,455 --> 00:20:00,249 - Oh, geez! - Oh. 502 00:20:00,307 --> 00:20:01,826 - Oh, my, oh... - Oh, my God. 503 00:20:01,850 --> 00:20:03,869 - Oh, boy. Oh, boy. - No, no, no, no, no, oh, my God. 504 00:20:03,893 --> 00:20:05,204 Oh, my God, let me look at it. 505 00:20:05,228 --> 00:20:06,664 - Oh, it's really coming out. - Is it? Oh, no. 506 00:20:06,688 --> 00:20:07,832 There's no, um, toilet paper. 507 00:20:07,856 --> 00:20:10,108 - You... - Oh, my God. 508 00:20:10,191 --> 00:20:11,711 - Oh, it hurts when I laugh. - Oh, my God. 509 00:20:11,735 --> 00:20:13,421 Oh, it's in my mouth. I taste the blood. 510 00:20:13,445 --> 00:20:14,839 - What do we do? - Oh, I have an idea. 511 00:20:14,863 --> 00:20:16,215 - Come here, come over here. - I need something. 512 00:20:16,239 --> 00:20:17,425 Come over here, come over here. 513 00:20:17,449 --> 00:20:19,176 Okay, it's working. 514 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:20,261 It feels okay, actually. 515 00:20:20,285 --> 00:20:21,929 - It looks amazing. - Thank you. 516 00:20:22,996 --> 00:20:24,372 Okay. Um, this one? 517 00:20:24,456 --> 00:20:25,725 - Yes? - I'm going to take it out, 518 00:20:25,749 --> 00:20:27,643 because it was kind of really bleeding, 519 00:20:27,667 --> 00:20:29,620 so I'm gonna stick a new one in. 520 00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:30,646 - Okay. Right. - Okay? 521 00:20:30,670 --> 00:20:32,177 Okay, here we go. You ready? 522 00:20:32,202 --> 00:20:33,221 - Go. Gentle. - Okay. 523 00:20:33,246 --> 00:20:35,026 Don't freak out, don't freak out. 524 00:20:35,050 --> 00:20:36,527 We did it. 525 00:20:36,551 --> 00:20:37,653 Oh, I can breathe again. 526 00:20:37,677 --> 00:20:39,113 - Not for long. - You got it? 527 00:20:39,137 --> 00:20:41,532 - I'm going to jam it slowly... - Oh? Yeah, that's nice. 528 00:20:41,556 --> 00:20:43,034 - You okay? - Not too hard. 529 00:20:43,058 --> 00:20:44,327 - You good? - That's good. 530 00:20:44,351 --> 00:20:45,578 - Okay. - Thank you. 531 00:20:45,602 --> 00:20:47,163 - Looks good. - My name's Carrie. 532 00:20:47,187 --> 00:20:49,206 - I'm Misty. - It's nice to meet you. 533 00:20:49,230 --> 00:20:50,148 Nice to meet you, yeah. 534 00:20:50,231 --> 00:20:51,608 You do well under pressure. 535 00:20:51,650 --> 00:20:54,319 It's a good thing I know so much about leaky pipes, I guess. 536 00:20:54,361 --> 00:20:55,588 - Right. - Yeah. 537 00:20:55,612 --> 00:20:57,989 Holy shit, what the hell happened? 538 00:20:58,073 --> 00:20:59,592 - It's a long story. - Yes, it is. 539 00:20:59,616 --> 00:21:00,885 Yeah, we're all good, though. 540 00:21:00,909 --> 00:21:02,303 - Yeah, we're good. Yeah. - Yeah. Don't worry. 541 00:21:02,327 --> 00:21:03,763 Oh, there's, like, no toilet paper 542 00:21:03,787 --> 00:21:05,622 in this whole entire bathroom. 543 00:21:05,664 --> 00:21:06,932 Oh, that's actually my fault. 544 00:21:06,956 --> 00:21:08,809 I, um, yeah, I was supposed to do that. 545 00:21:08,833 --> 00:21:10,269 - Okay. - Are you sure you're good? 546 00:21:10,293 --> 00:21:11,646 - Yeah, yeah. We're good. - We're good. 547 00:21:11,670 --> 00:21:13,147 - You're good. - We're good. 548 00:21:13,171 --> 00:21:16,049 Okay... 549 00:21:17,509 --> 00:21:19,070 All right, contestants, are you ready? 550 00:21:19,094 --> 00:21:20,780 Here are your microphones, all right? 551 00:21:20,804 --> 00:21:22,281 You're gonna talk into them like this, 552 00:21:22,305 --> 00:21:23,616 blah, blah, blah. 553 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:25,846 - Wait a minute. - Somebody cut her off. 554 00:21:25,871 --> 00:21:27,268 Where's contestant number three? 555 00:21:27,352 --> 00:21:28,913 Are these Beyond Beef, 556 00:21:28,937 --> 00:21:30,206 or are these the real deal? 557 00:21:30,230 --> 00:21:32,857 Guys, just be aware of what's going on. 558 00:21:33,566 --> 00:21:36,528 Anybody... you don't know. 559 00:21:36,611 --> 00:21:37,672 Mmm... 560 00:21:37,696 --> 00:21:40,615 Fuck my life. 561 00:21:41,607 --> 00:21:43,645 You know, I'm much better with emotional ties. 562 00:21:44,994 --> 00:21:47,914 This feels a little more literal. 563 00:21:49,207 --> 00:21:52,794 But it does remind me a lot of a relationship I was in once. 564 00:21:53,993 --> 00:21:55,161 Oh...! 565 00:21:55,186 --> 00:21:57,646 I did it! 566 00:21:58,040 --> 00:21:59,583 Thank you. 567 00:21:59,921 --> 00:22:02,173 Hang tight, everyone. 568 00:22:02,198 --> 00:22:03,718 15 minutes until the next segment. 569 00:22:03,743 --> 00:22:05,971 There's nothing suspicious about anything you're doing. 570 00:22:05,996 --> 00:22:08,018 What, am I not being discrete? 571 00:22:08,059 --> 00:22:10,204 Uh, no. You'd be a terrible criminal. 572 00:22:10,228 --> 00:22:12,522 Oh, please. I could commit crimes. 573 00:22:12,605 --> 00:22:13,958 Yeah, and not get away with it. 574 00:22:13,982 --> 00:22:18,236 That's just mean. It's mean and it's wrong. 575 00:22:18,278 --> 00:22:20,739 I could... kill. 576 00:22:22,407 --> 00:22:26,661 Or maybe pillage something. 577 00:22:30,290 --> 00:22:32,208 Can I tell you something? 578 00:22:32,292 --> 00:22:33,376 Mm-hmm. 579 00:22:33,460 --> 00:22:37,589 I keep trying to understand what I was feeling in that moment. 580 00:22:38,423 --> 00:22:42,093 Like, what it means that I saw you. 581 00:22:46,139 --> 00:22:48,933 Do you think it means anything? 582 00:22:52,687 --> 00:22:54,564 Are you smizing at me? 583 00:22:54,606 --> 00:22:55,732 Smizing? 584 00:22:55,774 --> 00:22:57,251 Smizing? From Top Model? 585 00:22:59,360 --> 00:23:00,755 Can you please stop making me laugh? 586 00:23:00,779 --> 00:23:02,465 - My ribs are bruised. - What? What do you watch? 587 00:23:02,489 --> 00:23:04,157 My ribs are bruised. 588 00:23:04,199 --> 00:23:06,827 Well, stop saying ridiculous things. 589 00:23:06,852 --> 00:23:08,604 You're the one being ridiculous. 590 00:23:08,629 --> 00:23:11,745 Um, actually, you're the one with a head injury. 591 00:23:11,770 --> 00:23:15,268 You were concussed and now you're drinking on painkillers, 592 00:23:15,293 --> 00:23:18,546 so I'm pretty sure you're not thinking straight. 593 00:23:19,506 --> 00:23:21,007 Safe to say. 594 00:23:24,219 --> 00:23:26,304 - We met at 18. - I know. 595 00:23:26,346 --> 00:23:30,099 - Well, you were 19. - No, you're older than me. 596 00:23:30,183 --> 00:23:31,838 - No, I'm not. - Yes, you are. 597 00:23:31,863 --> 00:23:34,813 - I-I always mix that up. - I know, I don't understand. 598 00:23:34,838 --> 00:23:37,132 - You were 18? - Yes. 599 00:23:45,824 --> 00:23:47,384 - Dani, Dani, Dani! - Thank you so much. 600 00:23:47,408 --> 00:23:49,268 - Dani, I need a favor. - Thank you. 601 00:23:49,293 --> 00:23:50,846 Why don't you carry your own tampons? 602 00:23:50,870 --> 00:23:52,556 - What? No. I... - Hi. 603 00:23:52,580 --> 00:23:55,375 I-I lost a contestant for the dating game, 604 00:23:55,458 --> 00:23:56,560 and I need someone. 605 00:23:56,584 --> 00:23:57,728 Can you please do it for me? 606 00:23:57,752 --> 00:23:59,230 It's in six, six minutes. 607 00:23:59,254 --> 00:24:01,273 No. I have to go get Billie Jean off the red carpet. 608 00:24:01,297 --> 00:24:02,566 She won't stop smiling for the cameras. 609 00:24:02,590 --> 00:24:03,901 You do it. You got it. Go. 610 00:24:03,925 --> 00:24:06,845 God! Why are you the worst? 611 00:24:17,730 --> 00:24:20,000 All right, everyone in the audience, 612 00:24:20,024 --> 00:24:22,443 we are gonna start in just a few minutes. 613 00:24:22,527 --> 00:24:25,238 Please take your seats. 614 00:24:35,206 --> 00:24:39,002 You know, your timing could not have been more perfect, really. 615 00:24:39,085 --> 00:24:41,313 Well, I'm just glad it's getting put to some good use. 616 00:24:41,337 --> 00:24:42,982 You know, I think I need, like, 617 00:24:43,006 --> 00:24:44,191 a little bit of a revamp. 618 00:24:44,215 --> 00:24:46,068 I've just been on those dating apps. 619 00:24:46,092 --> 00:24:47,510 Like, they're terrible. 620 00:24:47,594 --> 00:24:50,263 - Oh, those dating apps... yeah. - Absolutely terrifying. 621 00:24:50,288 --> 00:24:53,500 Yeah. And I've been out the game for like... two years. 622 00:24:53,525 --> 00:24:54,868 - Two years, huh? - Yeah. 623 00:24:54,893 --> 00:24:56,954 - I had a kid. - I know you had a kid. 624 00:24:56,978 --> 00:24:58,998 You mentioned that when I met you. 625 00:24:59,022 --> 00:25:01,125 You don't seem like the type that wants to see pictures 626 00:25:01,149 --> 00:25:02,770 so I'm not gonna show you. 627 00:25:02,795 --> 00:25:04,879 I'd see, I'd see it if you'd like to show it to me. 628 00:25:04,903 --> 00:25:06,088 - Oh, yeah? - I'm not against it. 629 00:25:06,112 --> 00:25:07,172 Okay. 630 00:25:07,196 --> 00:25:08,948 She is everything 631 00:25:09,032 --> 00:25:11,489 and she has also sucked me dry. 632 00:25:12,011 --> 00:25:15,748 I just don't feel like myself all the way, you know? 633 00:25:17,415 --> 00:25:19,125 Yeah. 634 00:25:19,150 --> 00:25:21,511 Yeah. I can relate to that. 635 00:25:21,536 --> 00:25:24,172 I think I need to get back on the horse. 636 00:25:24,213 --> 00:25:26,633 I think you're gonna do just fine. 637 00:25:28,927 --> 00:25:31,971 Hi, guys. I need a favor. Um... 638 00:25:32,055 --> 00:25:34,199 Can you get her ready in, like, four minutes? 639 00:25:34,223 --> 00:25:37,090 - She's not talking to me. - We'll do it. 640 00:25:37,143 --> 00:25:38,245 - Yeah. - Oh, my God, amazing. 641 00:25:38,269 --> 00:25:39,455 - Okay, sit down. - Hi. 642 00:25:39,479 --> 00:25:40,789 - Hi. - What's your name? 643 00:25:40,813 --> 00:25:42,541 - Taylor. - Hi, Taylor. 644 00:25:42,565 --> 00:25:44,692 I'm Ivy, this is Shane. 645 00:25:45,401 --> 00:25:46,670 - Hey, Taylor. - Hey. 646 00:25:46,694 --> 00:25:49,064 Yeah, we're gonna take really good care of you. 647 00:25:49,089 --> 00:25:50,933 Do you have any do's, any don'ts? 648 00:25:50,958 --> 00:25:52,508 Uh, just no red lipstick. 649 00:25:52,533 --> 00:25:54,845 My mom subjected me to pageants as a toddler, 650 00:25:54,869 --> 00:25:56,501 so it's very triggering. 651 00:25:56,526 --> 00:25:58,379 Okay. Take it away. Do your thing. 652 00:26:01,622 --> 00:26:02,710 Taylor. 653 00:26:02,752 --> 00:26:05,129 May I? 654 00:26:05,171 --> 00:26:06,589 Yeah. 655 00:26:06,631 --> 00:26:08,359 And we're rolling. 656 00:26:10,843 --> 00:26:14,639 Welcome back to my 100th episode. 657 00:26:15,098 --> 00:26:17,368 As many of you know, I'm currently single, 658 00:26:17,392 --> 00:26:19,703 so I figured what better way to meet someone, 659 00:26:19,727 --> 00:26:22,604 than on TV in front of a studio audience? 660 00:26:22,629 --> 00:26:25,511 So to help me out today, 661 00:26:25,536 --> 00:26:29,112 we've brought the original bisexual comedienne, 662 00:26:29,137 --> 00:26:32,131 a woman who has paved the way for so many of us, 663 00:26:32,156 --> 00:26:36,953 my first crush, my friend, Margaret Cho! 664 00:26:41,149 --> 00:26:42,567 Hey! 665 00:26:44,288 --> 00:26:45,498 Thank you! 666 00:26:45,523 --> 00:26:47,668 Oh, this is so exciting. 667 00:26:48,207 --> 00:26:51,092 So, you know how this works, we have some contestants, 668 00:26:51,175 --> 00:26:53,153 we're gonna ask them some questions. 669 00:26:53,177 --> 00:26:54,387 Alice is gonna decide 670 00:26:54,470 --> 00:26:56,714 amongst three candidates who's best, right? 671 00:26:56,739 --> 00:26:58,307 Yes, well, you're going to help me. 672 00:26:58,332 --> 00:27:00,536 I'm gonna be making some snide commentary 673 00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:02,538 from over here... 674 00:27:02,562 --> 00:27:03,706 It's gonna be so fabulous. 675 00:27:03,730 --> 00:27:05,249 - I'm so excited. - Sounds dreamy. 676 00:27:05,273 --> 00:27:06,750 - Let's start. Okay. - I love it. 677 00:27:10,418 --> 00:27:11,529 Okay. 678 00:27:11,571 --> 00:27:12,589 Contestant number one, 679 00:27:12,613 --> 00:27:13,716 tell me about yourself. 680 00:27:13,740 --> 00:27:15,426 - Hi, Alice. - Oh. 681 00:27:15,450 --> 00:27:18,619 - Ooh, that is a deep baritone. - Okay. 682 00:27:18,703 --> 00:27:19,620 I'm into it. 683 00:27:19,704 --> 00:27:21,140 I'm from a small town in Montana, 684 00:27:21,164 --> 00:27:23,708 where rush hour is a moose in the road. 685 00:27:23,791 --> 00:27:25,332 Oh, this is gonna be simple. 686 00:27:25,357 --> 00:27:27,086 Um, Ivy, can you grab me 687 00:27:27,170 --> 00:27:28,671 that product in your bag? 688 00:27:28,713 --> 00:27:31,382 Yeah, I just want to see what it is. 689 00:27:32,317 --> 00:27:33,401 No. 690 00:27:33,426 --> 00:27:35,446 Uh, just find a nice backdrop outside or something. 691 00:27:35,470 --> 00:27:38,765 Get singles, get groups. I need options. 692 00:27:38,806 --> 00:27:40,058 Thank you. Hi. 693 00:27:40,141 --> 00:27:42,477 Everything looks so good. 694 00:27:42,518 --> 00:27:43,936 Thank you. 695 00:27:43,978 --> 00:27:45,146 I'm gonna go home. 696 00:27:45,188 --> 00:27:49,108 Oh, it's early. Are you feeling okay? 697 00:27:49,150 --> 00:27:52,320 Yes, but I just really want to get back. 698 00:27:52,403 --> 00:27:54,886 Okay, okay. I'll call you a car. 699 00:27:54,911 --> 00:27:56,650 No, no, no. Don't worry about it. 700 00:27:56,699 --> 00:27:58,993 Nat's going to take me. 701 00:28:01,829 --> 00:28:03,456 What's going on? 702 00:28:03,539 --> 00:28:04,619 What do you mean? 703 00:28:04,665 --> 00:28:06,935 I mean, what's going on with you and Nat? 704 00:28:06,959 --> 00:28:10,088 - Nothing is going on. - Okay. 705 00:28:10,992 --> 00:28:12,553 - We can talk more later. - No. 706 00:28:12,578 --> 00:28:14,038 I'd like to talk about it now. 707 00:28:14,603 --> 00:28:16,643 Contestant number one, 708 00:28:16,668 --> 00:28:19,138 why don't you tell me how you spend your days? 709 00:28:19,180 --> 00:28:21,143 I'm a veterinarian for a nonprofit 710 00:28:21,168 --> 00:28:23,309 that rescues animals from natural disasters. 711 00:28:23,351 --> 00:28:24,620 Aww. 712 00:28:24,644 --> 00:28:27,105 He's perfect. 713 00:28:27,188 --> 00:28:29,482 Definitely a serial killer. 714 00:28:29,524 --> 00:28:31,484 Agreed. 715 00:28:31,567 --> 00:28:34,261 Okay, let's move on to contestant number two. 716 00:28:34,286 --> 00:28:38,411 Can you beat the butt-dialing rescue vet from Montana? 717 00:28:38,700 --> 00:28:39,867 I'll try. 718 00:28:39,909 --> 00:28:43,737 Um, I was born in India, raised in New York. 719 00:28:43,762 --> 00:28:47,500 Uh, I run a cold storage start-up for NFTs. 720 00:28:47,542 --> 00:28:48,811 Oh. 721 00:28:48,835 --> 00:28:51,796 - Cold storage for NFTs? - I have no idea what that means. 722 00:28:51,821 --> 00:28:53,205 Number two, 723 00:28:53,229 --> 00:28:55,134 what is the most embarrassing thing 724 00:28:55,159 --> 00:28:56,494 that's ever happened to you? 725 00:28:56,634 --> 00:28:57,969 The most embarrassing thing 726 00:28:58,052 --> 00:29:03,266 that's happened to me was I threw up in the front car 727 00:29:03,291 --> 00:29:07,045 of a roller coaster, on a first date. 728 00:29:07,070 --> 00:29:09,405 - Ooh... - Wow. 729 00:29:10,064 --> 00:29:11,166 Looks great. 730 00:29:11,190 --> 00:29:12,059 I don't know why 731 00:29:12,084 --> 00:29:13,606 I have to be on TV right now, but... 732 00:29:13,631 --> 00:29:15,879 All right, we're done. Let's go, we got to go, we got to go. 733 00:29:15,903 --> 00:29:17,297 - Come on. - Okay, okay. 734 00:29:17,321 --> 00:29:19,448 Oh, wait, don't forget this. 735 00:29:20,199 --> 00:29:22,427 You want a girl that can just, you know, 736 00:29:22,451 --> 00:29:23,369 really go up... 737 00:29:23,452 --> 00:29:24,555 - And down. Yeah. - And go down. 738 00:29:24,579 --> 00:29:27,206 We like that... 739 00:29:27,290 --> 00:29:29,584 All right, good luck, have fun. 740 00:29:31,002 --> 00:29:33,296 - She looks great. - She does, yeah. 741 00:29:33,379 --> 00:29:35,274 Okay, contestant number three. 742 00:29:35,298 --> 00:29:37,133 Same question. 743 00:29:37,216 --> 00:29:38,777 - Number three? - Don't be shy. 744 00:29:38,801 --> 00:29:40,487 Don't be shy, number three. 745 00:29:40,511 --> 00:29:42,489 - Okay, go answer the question. - Number three? 746 00:29:42,513 --> 00:29:43,824 Okay, okay. What's the question? 747 00:29:43,848 --> 00:29:45,367 Say something funny about yourself. 748 00:29:45,391 --> 00:29:49,103 Um. Something, um... I'm, uh... 749 00:29:49,187 --> 00:29:50,205 Something funny about me? 750 00:29:50,229 --> 00:29:51,522 I'm from Normal, Illinois. 751 00:29:51,564 --> 00:29:53,900 That's more of a fact than a joke, 752 00:29:53,941 --> 00:29:56,068 but, okay, I'll play. 753 00:29:56,110 --> 00:29:57,820 What's so normal about it? 754 00:29:57,862 --> 00:29:59,256 And would I fit in? 755 00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:01,627 Um, uh, the people, 756 00:30:01,652 --> 00:30:04,577 I-I guess, make it normal, um... 757 00:30:04,619 --> 00:30:06,746 That voice sounds so familiar. 758 00:30:06,787 --> 00:30:10,208 So, number three, what's the most embarrassing thing 759 00:30:10,233 --> 00:30:12,277 that's ever happened to you? 760 00:30:12,418 --> 00:30:14,045 I mean, well, this moment 761 00:30:14,070 --> 00:30:16,090 would have to be up there. 762 00:30:16,115 --> 00:30:17,825 And, number three, 763 00:30:17,924 --> 00:30:20,551 who is your hero, and why? 764 00:30:20,635 --> 00:30:25,473 Oh, gosh, um... was it animal or human? 765 00:30:25,556 --> 00:30:28,184 Aw, that's so cute. 766 00:30:29,644 --> 00:30:31,580 - All right, I got one for you. - What's that? 767 00:30:31,604 --> 00:30:35,775 One time, after a bottle of Goldschläger, remember that? 768 00:30:36,651 --> 00:30:38,945 One-way bus ticket, Kansas City to L.A. 769 00:30:39,028 --> 00:30:40,839 Just picked up everything and moved. 770 00:30:40,863 --> 00:30:41,983 God, I hate moving. 771 00:30:42,031 --> 00:30:43,842 It's like the worst thing in the world to me. 772 00:30:43,866 --> 00:30:45,886 Yeah, but at least I used to do stuff. 773 00:30:45,910 --> 00:30:47,119 It's like, being sober 774 00:30:47,161 --> 00:30:48,931 makes it harder to make those moves, you know? 775 00:30:48,955 --> 00:30:50,081 Mm-hmm. 776 00:30:50,106 --> 00:30:52,942 Like, I've got a whole list of shit I just haven't done. 777 00:30:52,967 --> 00:30:54,760 Really, like what? 778 00:30:56,212 --> 00:30:57,898 I mean, I got this college application. 779 00:30:57,922 --> 00:31:00,150 It's been saved on my desktop for months. 780 00:31:00,174 --> 00:31:01,318 It's due at midnight, 781 00:31:01,342 --> 00:31:03,094 and I just, like, I can't pull the trigger. 782 00:31:03,119 --> 00:31:04,471 Well, you got to do that 783 00:31:04,496 --> 00:31:06,488 or you're gonna regret it your whole life, you know? 784 00:31:06,512 --> 00:31:07,306 Okay. 785 00:31:07,348 --> 00:31:08,599 So everything's done. 786 00:31:08,683 --> 00:31:11,352 Um, if you have any problems, your boss has my info. 787 00:31:11,435 --> 00:31:13,813 Again, I'm-I'm really sorry about everything. 788 00:31:13,896 --> 00:31:16,041 - Yeah. - Really, the nose and, you know. 789 00:31:16,065 --> 00:31:18,721 But the tampons worked. Your nose looks perfect. 790 00:31:18,746 --> 00:31:20,754 I think it looks better than when I came in. 791 00:31:20,778 --> 00:31:22,673 - It was fun, so... - Yeah. 792 00:31:22,697 --> 00:31:24,132 You know, it was... It wasn't good, 793 00:31:24,156 --> 00:31:25,259 but it was good, you know? 794 00:31:25,283 --> 00:31:26,510 - Right. Okay. - All right. 795 00:31:26,534 --> 00:31:27,970 - Bye. It's, um... - Yeah, sorry. 796 00:31:27,994 --> 00:31:29,870 Good night. 797 00:31:29,912 --> 00:31:31,497 You like her. 798 00:31:31,580 --> 00:31:33,207 I don't know her. 799 00:31:33,249 --> 00:31:34,726 You ask her out, I'll send in 800 00:31:34,750 --> 00:31:37,211 my college application. 801 00:31:38,129 --> 00:31:39,130 Deal. 802 00:31:39,171 --> 00:31:40,399 - Wait, what? - Deal. 803 00:31:40,423 --> 00:31:41,608 No, I was fucking around! 804 00:31:41,632 --> 00:31:44,468 - No, you send that shit. - Fuck. 805 00:31:44,510 --> 00:31:46,887 Wow, she's doing it. Okay. 806 00:31:52,935 --> 00:31:56,981 Okay. 807 00:31:59,150 --> 00:32:01,068 Holy shit, I did it. 808 00:32:01,819 --> 00:32:03,714 - I did it. Did you do it? - I did it. 809 00:32:03,738 --> 00:32:04,965 I did it! 810 00:32:04,989 --> 00:32:06,633 Can you believe it? 811 00:32:06,657 --> 00:32:07,843 - No! - Thursday night. 812 00:32:07,867 --> 00:32:09,261 - You got a date. - Well, no. 813 00:32:09,285 --> 00:32:10,804 - It's not actually a date. - What is it? 814 00:32:10,828 --> 00:32:12,973 I sort of joined her bowling league. 815 00:32:12,997 --> 00:32:14,141 I'm the newest member of 816 00:32:14,165 --> 00:32:16,667 "I Can't Believe It's Not Gutter." 817 00:32:16,709 --> 00:32:19,086 You know what? 818 00:32:19,170 --> 00:32:20,981 Playing the long game. I'll take it. 819 00:32:24,467 --> 00:32:25,551 Okay. 820 00:32:25,593 --> 00:32:27,887 Mama, Gloria, 821 00:32:27,912 --> 00:32:29,163 I'm heading out now. 822 00:32:29,188 --> 00:32:32,358 Don't be late, Deb, I've got a shift at 8:00. 823 00:32:33,601 --> 00:32:34,769 Mama, it's me. 824 00:32:34,810 --> 00:32:37,688 Remember, your sister Deb is in Florida. 825 00:32:37,730 --> 00:32:39,190 Oh, right. 826 00:32:39,231 --> 00:32:41,317 You never should've married him. 827 00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:43,045 Speaking of songs of yesterday, 828 00:32:43,069 --> 00:32:46,572 here's Carly Simon with her hit, "You Belong to Me." 829 00:32:48,407 --> 00:32:50,993 This is my song. 830 00:32:55,373 --> 00:32:57,041 Oh, my God. 831 00:32:59,502 --> 00:33:04,875 She used to blast this song 832 00:33:04,900 --> 00:33:08,021 in the car when she would drive me to school. 833 00:33:09,799 --> 00:33:12,098 Like, lean out the window smoking cigarettes. 834 00:33:12,139 --> 00:33:16,727 It would piss all the other moms off so much. 835 00:33:16,769 --> 00:33:18,396 I believe it. 836 00:33:19,622 --> 00:33:23,667 Carly Simon once bummed a cigarette from me. 837 00:33:23,692 --> 00:33:27,188 You never told me that. That is so cool! 838 00:33:27,213 --> 00:33:31,050 There's certain things a mother should never tell her daughter. 839 00:33:32,935 --> 00:33:34,687 Come dance with me, come on. 840 00:33:34,712 --> 00:33:37,465 I would love to. 841 00:33:56,183 --> 00:33:58,495 So you've been working here how long? 842 00:33:58,519 --> 00:34:01,772 Like six, seven months... ish? 843 00:34:01,856 --> 00:34:03,125 - Really? - Yeah. 844 00:34:03,149 --> 00:34:06,944 - Surprised I hadn't met you. - Well, you didn't look. 845 00:34:06,986 --> 00:34:09,029 - I didn't know. - Oh, okay. 846 00:34:10,656 --> 00:34:13,492 You know, it didn't take you that long to, like, 847 00:34:13,576 --> 00:34:14,743 jump right back in. 848 00:34:14,827 --> 00:34:16,638 - And you did that, so... - No, no, no, no, don't... 849 00:34:16,662 --> 00:34:18,098 You can't give me that kind of credit. 850 00:34:18,122 --> 00:34:20,708 I was... I was following your lead. 851 00:34:20,791 --> 00:34:22,460 Mm. 852 00:34:30,593 --> 00:34:32,470 Come with me. 853 00:35:57,513 --> 00:36:00,474 So, what-what is going on between you two? 854 00:36:00,516 --> 00:36:01,517 Nothing. 855 00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:03,644 I can feel it, okay? 856 00:36:03,727 --> 00:36:06,564 On the ambulance, our lips touched. 857 00:36:06,605 --> 00:36:07,958 It was nothing. 858 00:36:07,982 --> 00:36:10,335 - It was an accident. - Are you trying to hurt me? 859 00:36:10,359 --> 00:36:11,795 Of course I'm not trying to hurt you. 860 00:36:11,819 --> 00:36:13,939 Okay, then, what we have is good. 861 00:36:13,988 --> 00:36:15,531 Why are you doing this? 862 00:36:15,573 --> 00:36:16,991 We have a good thing. 863 00:36:17,016 --> 00:36:18,726 I'm just... 864 00:36:19,827 --> 00:36:21,287 I'm confused. 865 00:36:21,328 --> 00:36:22,955 You're confused? 866 00:36:23,038 --> 00:36:25,749 When I... got hit... 867 00:36:26,834 --> 00:36:29,086 I saw Nat and the kids. 868 00:36:30,754 --> 00:36:31,964 And not me. 869 00:36:32,047 --> 00:36:34,607 I don't know what it means. That's why I'm telling you. 870 00:36:34,633 --> 00:36:36,927 What are you saying to me right now? 871 00:36:40,556 --> 00:36:44,226 I don't know, I need time. 872 00:36:45,978 --> 00:36:49,231 Okay. You take your time. 873 00:36:49,315 --> 00:36:50,774 I'm done. 874 00:36:55,279 --> 00:36:57,340 And this all happened in the backseat 875 00:36:57,364 --> 00:36:58,699 of the family Astro van. 876 00:37:01,452 --> 00:37:04,023 Oh, shit. Um, you know what? 877 00:37:04,048 --> 00:37:07,066 Uh, Miss Cho, could you actually just forget I said that? 878 00:37:07,124 --> 00:37:08,542 Oh, contestant three, 879 00:37:08,584 --> 00:37:11,503 I don't think I can unring that bell. 880 00:37:11,587 --> 00:37:14,340 There's no shame in masturbating in the back of your family's car 881 00:37:14,423 --> 00:37:16,151 as long as your family's not there. 882 00:37:16,175 --> 00:37:19,511 No shame at all, three. No shame. 883 00:37:19,595 --> 00:37:22,264 For me there is a little. 884 00:37:22,306 --> 00:37:23,658 Oh, you know what that bell means, 885 00:37:23,682 --> 00:37:26,882 we have time for one last question. 886 00:37:26,907 --> 00:37:29,146 - What do you think, Alice? - I think I'm ready. 887 00:37:29,229 --> 00:37:31,190 - Okay. - It's very simple. 888 00:37:31,231 --> 00:37:32,542 Yes. 889 00:37:32,566 --> 00:37:34,443 Why do you want to date me? 890 00:37:34,526 --> 00:37:36,612 What's not to love? 891 00:37:36,695 --> 00:37:37,905 Aww! 892 00:37:38,564 --> 00:37:41,993 Smart, sexy and beautiful. The full package. 893 00:37:43,455 --> 00:37:44,970 We should do this every episode. 894 00:37:46,872 --> 00:37:48,582 Uh, well, they promised me 895 00:37:48,624 --> 00:37:50,435 a coffee mug if I did the show, so... 896 00:37:52,211 --> 00:37:53,253 The free mug? 897 00:37:53,337 --> 00:37:56,757 Wow. What do you say, Alice? 898 00:37:56,840 --> 00:37:59,510 Loveable, full package, free mug. 899 00:37:59,551 --> 00:38:03,472 And unlike women's reproductive rights in America, 900 00:38:03,514 --> 00:38:05,182 this choice is entirely yours. 901 00:38:07,643 --> 00:38:09,537 I don't know, Margaret. They're all so dateable. 902 00:38:17,695 --> 00:38:20,280 Mm... There's one person 903 00:38:20,322 --> 00:38:23,158 that I would like to get to know better. 904 00:38:23,242 --> 00:38:25,786 Contestant three, I choose you! 905 00:38:28,956 --> 00:38:31,417 Contestant three, come on down. 906 00:38:31,500 --> 00:38:33,210 Two and one, 907 00:38:33,252 --> 00:38:34,479 uh, meet me in my dressing room. 908 00:38:34,503 --> 00:38:36,922 - You. - It's me. 909 00:38:36,964 --> 00:38:39,174 The coffee stand. 910 00:38:39,216 --> 00:38:40,676 Yeah. 911 00:38:40,718 --> 00:38:41,969 You're funny. 912 00:38:42,052 --> 00:38:43,947 For a regular gal. Yeah. 913 00:38:43,971 --> 00:38:45,448 All right. 914 00:38:45,472 --> 00:38:48,934 We're here, we're queer! 915 00:38:49,017 --> 00:38:51,019 And we have love. 916 00:38:51,061 --> 00:38:52,747 - Love is love is love! - Love it. 917 00:38:52,771 --> 00:38:56,442 Until the Supreme Court takes that away from us, too. 918 00:38:57,860 --> 00:39:00,738 And pee after sex, everyone, don't forget! 919 00:39:00,779 --> 00:39:05,033 Thank you so much for having me, Alice, thank you. 920 00:39:05,075 --> 00:39:07,870 Good night, everyone! 921 00:39:10,664 --> 00:39:12,249 Are you okay? 922 00:39:15,961 --> 00:39:17,713 No. 923 00:39:20,382 --> 00:39:22,593 You can sleep on my couch, if you want. 924 00:39:22,676 --> 00:39:24,678 No, I'm fine on my own. 925 00:39:24,720 --> 00:39:28,182 But you should really let me drive. 926 00:39:28,793 --> 00:39:32,172 Oh, don't worry, I only had a couple sips. 927 00:39:32,519 --> 00:39:34,122 I just mean you're a really bad driver. 928 00:39:34,146 --> 00:39:36,190 Fuck you! Fuck you! 929 00:39:36,231 --> 00:39:38,334 - Whoa! - Jesus, what is... 930 00:39:38,358 --> 00:39:39,443 What is that? 931 00:39:39,526 --> 00:39:40,795 - Can you please drive? - Fuck you! 932 00:39:40,819 --> 00:39:42,297 - They're my oranges! - Yeah, go! 933 00:39:42,321 --> 00:39:44,048 - Can you please drive? - Those are a gift! 934 00:39:44,072 --> 00:39:45,884 - Nat, could you please drive? - I spent $20 on them. 935 00:39:45,908 --> 00:39:47,260 I understand, could you please...? 936 00:39:47,284 --> 00:39:49,137 - That was for my ex! Our ex. - Jesus. 937 00:40:05,886 --> 00:40:07,071 so much. 938 00:40:07,095 --> 00:40:09,807 I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Good job. 939 00:40:17,648 --> 00:40:19,107 Hey. 940 00:40:19,149 --> 00:40:21,568 What the hell happened to you? 941 00:40:23,821 --> 00:40:25,113 This is the second time 942 00:40:25,155 --> 00:40:27,783 that the person I wanted to marry ran off with someone else. 943 00:40:27,825 --> 00:40:29,610 Ha ha. 944 00:40:31,411 --> 00:40:34,289 Oh... orange? 945 00:40:34,314 --> 00:40:38,067 - Yeah. Thanks. - Mm-hmm. 946 00:40:44,383 --> 00:40:47,636 - Hey, you're gonna be okay. - Mm. 947 00:40:47,678 --> 00:40:49,739 You got this. You'll bounce back. 948 00:40:49,763 --> 00:40:50,949 You... 949 00:40:50,973 --> 00:40:53,076 You're the most together person I know. 950 00:40:53,100 --> 00:40:56,103 Not anymore. 951 00:40:56,979 --> 00:41:00,315 Turns out, that's you. 952 00:41:00,399 --> 00:41:04,278 I don't... mm, I don't know about that. 953 00:41:04,319 --> 00:41:06,446 You're crushing at work. 954 00:41:06,488 --> 00:41:08,341 Made it through rehab with Finley. 955 00:41:14,204 --> 00:41:15,330 Hey, um, 956 00:41:15,372 --> 00:41:19,042 I was just gonna grab my stuff and go home. 957 00:41:19,710 --> 00:41:22,504 Yeah. Me, too. 958 00:41:31,972 --> 00:41:34,141 Hey, uh... 959 00:41:34,182 --> 00:41:35,767 You want to come over? 960 00:41:39,688 --> 00:41:41,231 Um... Are you...? 961 00:41:41,273 --> 00:41:43,209 Are you trying to get back together with me right now? 962 00:41:43,233 --> 00:41:44,669 Because, um... 963 00:41:44,693 --> 00:41:48,155 No. No, no. 964 00:41:48,196 --> 00:41:50,324 Not a fucking chance. 965 00:41:50,824 --> 00:41:53,285 Yeah. I'll see you at the house then. 966 00:41:53,310 --> 00:41:54,955 - Okay. - Yeah. 967 00:41:54,980 --> 00:41:55,996 See you later. 968 00:42:07,174 --> 00:42:09,294 I was, like, this close to falling. 969 00:42:09,343 --> 00:42:10,787 I was like... 970 00:42:10,812 --> 00:42:13,190 Hey! We did it! 971 00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:17,518 Great job, everybody. Great job. 972 00:42:23,185 --> 00:42:24,232 Hey! 973 00:42:24,333 --> 00:42:26,168 Are you-are you leaving? 974 00:42:26,193 --> 00:42:27,712 The party's just getting started. 975 00:42:27,736 --> 00:42:30,113 Yeah, yeah, I'm just gonna head home. 976 00:42:31,490 --> 00:42:34,242 You don't want to cash in on that big date? 977 00:42:35,494 --> 00:42:37,704 - Really, no, it's-it's okay. - Oh. 978 00:42:37,746 --> 00:42:39,915 I mean, hey, I-I got the free mug. 979 00:42:39,957 --> 00:42:42,584 They threw in two extra T-shirts, so... 980 00:42:42,668 --> 00:42:43,895 - Nice. - I'm good. 981 00:42:43,919 --> 00:42:45,629 Yeah, that's enough. 982 00:42:45,671 --> 00:42:46,940 - Hey, listen... - Yeah? 983 00:42:46,964 --> 00:42:49,466 Really, congratulations on everything. 984 00:42:49,549 --> 00:42:53,011 I mean, you should be really proud of all of it. 985 00:42:53,095 --> 00:42:56,974 Big chef's kiss for you and your big night. 986 00:43:04,231 --> 00:43:07,234 Um, you're not regular. 987 00:43:07,859 --> 00:43:09,699 Yes, I am. 988 00:43:10,278 --> 00:43:11,363 Well, so am I. 989 00:43:12,266 --> 00:43:16,435 There's a 45-foot picture of you outside. 990 00:43:17,619 --> 00:43:18,829 Okay, I've been you. 991 00:43:18,912 --> 00:43:20,848 A long time ago, I dated someone famous 992 00:43:20,872 --> 00:43:22,976 when I wasn't, so I know it's different. 993 00:43:23,546 --> 00:43:25,334 But I'm just a person. 994 00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:29,065 And I like your weird sense of humor. 995 00:43:29,089 --> 00:43:31,067 You know, that's, that's not the compliment 996 00:43:31,091 --> 00:43:33,051 I think you think it is. 997 00:43:33,093 --> 00:43:34,302 And you're cute. 998 00:43:35,248 --> 00:43:38,551 Well, you know, I can't speak to that one so much, so... 999 00:43:38,576 --> 00:43:41,309 Come on, one date. One regular date. 1000 00:43:41,351 --> 00:43:43,979 What do you say? Just... 1001 00:43:44,806 --> 00:43:46,140 You can keep the T-shirts. 1002 00:43:47,441 --> 00:43:48,984 I don't know about the mug. 1003 00:43:50,618 --> 00:43:55,373 I cannot believe I missed Alice in a straitjacket. 1004 00:43:55,398 --> 00:43:57,984 I know, and that Velcro target? 1005 00:43:58,118 --> 00:43:59,345 Oh, my God, that was a hit. 1006 00:43:59,369 --> 00:44:01,014 - It was so good. - I'm sure. 1007 00:44:01,038 --> 00:44:03,123 Oh. 1008 00:44:03,165 --> 00:44:06,084 Well, um, yeah, I think 1009 00:44:06,126 --> 00:44:08,312 - Shane's backstage somewhere... - Hey, Tess. 1010 00:44:08,336 --> 00:44:09,504 You showed up. 1011 00:44:09,529 --> 00:44:11,948 - Hi. - Hi. 1012 00:44:11,973 --> 00:44:13,492 Yeah. 1013 00:44:13,517 --> 00:44:15,770 - I'm sorry I'm late. - Oh. 1014 00:44:15,795 --> 00:44:16,929 I would have been here sooner, 1015 00:44:16,953 --> 00:44:18,905 it's just my mom was having this, like, 1016 00:44:18,930 --> 00:44:21,200 - really amazing moment... - It's okay, it's okay. 1017 00:44:21,224 --> 00:44:23,685 - Yeah, it's okay. - Okay. 1018 00:44:23,727 --> 00:44:24,978 Um... 1019 00:44:25,608 --> 00:44:29,153 I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier. 1020 00:44:30,317 --> 00:44:32,027 All is forgiven. 1021 00:44:32,069 --> 00:44:33,111 Yeah. 1022 00:44:33,136 --> 00:44:34,989 But I think they wrapped, didn't they, Sophie? 1023 00:44:35,014 --> 00:44:36,324 - Oh. - Yeah, we wrapped. 1024 00:44:36,349 --> 00:44:37,910 - Yeah. - Yeah, but there's... 1025 00:44:37,935 --> 00:44:39,311 there's a party. 1026 00:44:39,409 --> 00:44:41,078 I know, but I'm exhausted. 1027 00:44:41,103 --> 00:44:42,539 - Okay. - Is that okay? 1028 00:44:42,621 --> 00:44:43,747 Can we just go home? 1029 00:44:43,830 --> 00:44:44,932 That's okay, let's go home. 1030 00:44:44,956 --> 00:44:46,309 - You sure? - Yeah, let's go home. 1031 00:44:46,333 --> 00:44:47,852 I'm sorry you drove all the way over here, 1032 00:44:47,876 --> 00:44:48,752 - but is that all right? - No, it's fine. 1033 00:44:48,794 --> 00:44:50,170 Okay. 1034 00:44:50,212 --> 00:44:51,379 Thank you, Sophie. 1035 00:44:51,463 --> 00:44:52,857 Bye, guys, have a good night. 1036 00:44:52,881 --> 00:44:54,233 - Bye. - Bye, Soph. 1037 00:44:54,257 --> 00:44:55,701 Bye. 1038 00:44:58,225 --> 00:45:00,644 Great show. 1039 00:45:00,669 --> 00:45:01,920 Uh... 1040 00:45:02,057 --> 00:45:04,142 Uh, same-same to you. 1041 00:45:14,861 --> 00:45:15,737 Hey. 1042 00:45:15,821 --> 00:45:17,673 What...? What'd I say? 1043 00:45:17,697 --> 00:45:19,550 Relax, I'm just going to get something to drink, 1044 00:45:19,574 --> 00:45:20,784 go to my room, 1045 00:45:20,867 --> 00:45:22,428 and you can have your special night with Sophie. 1046 00:45:22,452 --> 00:45:23,846 - You'll be fine. - Thank you. 1047 00:45:23,870 --> 00:45:25,807 - I love you. - Yeah. You, too. Hey. 1048 00:45:25,831 --> 00:45:27,809 Hey, you know, if there's any leftovers, 1049 00:45:27,833 --> 00:45:29,835 that steak looks amazing. 1050 00:45:29,876 --> 00:45:32,087 It's chicken. 1051 00:45:32,129 --> 00:45:34,381 Oh. 1052 00:45:34,464 --> 00:45:35,757 Hey. 1053 00:45:35,841 --> 00:45:36,842 Hey! 1054 00:45:36,925 --> 00:45:39,886 - What is this? - We're celebrating. 1055 00:45:39,970 --> 00:45:41,805 - We are? - Yeah. 1056 00:45:41,847 --> 00:45:44,975 - Your 100th episode. - Aww. 1057 00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:46,960 And... 1058 00:45:46,985 --> 00:45:48,528 I applied to college. 1059 00:45:48,553 --> 00:45:49,679 Stop. 1060 00:45:49,704 --> 00:45:51,415 - What? - I know. 1061 00:45:51,439 --> 00:45:52,524 That's amazing. 1062 00:45:52,607 --> 00:45:54,335 - I know. - I'm so excited for you. 1063 00:45:54,359 --> 00:45:57,195 So I thought we could, you know, celebrate us, 1064 00:45:57,237 --> 00:46:01,366 and have a little romantic dinner, and then, 1065 00:46:01,408 --> 00:46:04,953 - you know, maybe after... - Oh, okay. 1066 00:46:05,036 --> 00:46:06,037 Oh. 1067 00:46:06,079 --> 00:46:07,879 - Hi. - Hi. 1068 00:46:07,914 --> 00:46:09,433 - Hi. - Hey. Sorry. 1069 00:46:09,457 --> 00:46:13,420 I tried to call you. Gigi broke up with her. 1070 00:46:14,704 --> 00:46:17,141 Figured I'd come piss in your hallway for a change. 1071 00:46:17,166 --> 00:46:17,859 Oh. 1072 00:46:17,883 --> 00:46:22,012 I mean, if that'd be helpful, by all means, please do. 1073 00:46:23,180 --> 00:46:24,510 Truce? 1074 00:46:25,907 --> 00:46:29,077 Now what I really want to do is pull you into a big old hug. 1075 00:46:29,102 --> 00:46:31,688 - You shouldn't do that. Yeah. - And I won't. 1076 00:46:31,730 --> 00:46:33,596 Is that cake? 1077 00:46:33,621 --> 00:46:34,785 - Yes, it is. - I heard Dani. 1078 00:46:34,809 --> 00:46:36,586 Which means it's not a date night. 1079 00:46:36,610 --> 00:46:38,129 - Not anymore. - I want some of that cake. 1080 00:46:38,153 --> 00:46:40,405 - Wait, you made cake? - No. 1081 00:46:40,430 --> 00:46:42,673 I was with the, uh, plumber all day. 1082 00:46:42,698 --> 00:46:44,644 But I picked up tres leches, 1083 00:46:44,784 --> 00:46:48,538 and I also found out what the tres leches were today. 1084 00:46:48,580 --> 00:46:51,166 Uh, what did you think they were before? 1085 00:46:51,225 --> 00:46:52,351 Mmm. 1086 00:46:52,376 --> 00:46:54,628 Cow, goat and breast. 1087 00:46:54,711 --> 00:46:56,630 - Wow. - No. 1088 00:46:57,512 --> 00:46:59,233 So, you thought they put breast milk...? 74650

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