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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,780 --> 00:00:07,130 Hey, hey, wait, what y'all... Listen. 2 00:00:07,260 --> 00:00:08,350 Don't-don't worry about those dishes. 3 00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:09,870 I'll wash 'em when y'all leave. 4 00:00:10,050 --> 00:00:10,880 Like, right now. 5 00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:13,570 Will you stop it, silly. 6 00:00:13,750 --> 00:00:15,710 Who goes to bed at 5:30? 7 00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:17,100 - Him. - Him. 8 00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:20,670 He just wants the night to end early 9 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:22,100 because he's having fun 10 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:24,370 and that is outside of your comfort zone. 11 00:00:24,540 --> 00:00:26,110 You got me. 12 00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:27,500 Well... 13 00:00:27,630 --> 00:00:30,330 ♪ I'm so glad we had this time together ♪ 14 00:00:30,460 --> 00:00:33,550 ♪ Seems we just get started, and before you know it ♪ 15 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:35,420 ♪ Comes the time we have to say ♪ 16 00:00:35,510 --> 00:00:37,470 ♪ So long ♪ 17 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:39,380 ♪ So long. ♪ 18 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:40,910 Good night, everybody. 19 00:00:42,690 --> 00:00:44,390 That was fun. 20 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:46,350 Come on, man, let's stay and play a board game. 21 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:48,960 Junior's just trying to avoid going home 22 00:00:49,130 --> 00:00:50,920 because we've taken a vow of celibacy. 23 00:00:51,050 --> 00:00:52,610 We? 24 00:00:52,700 --> 00:00:53,960 Wow. 25 00:00:54,090 --> 00:00:56,140 I think that that is wonderful. 26 00:00:56,270 --> 00:00:59,450 A life without sex removes complications. 27 00:00:59,580 --> 00:01:01,970 It's not a life without sex. 28 00:01:02,060 --> 00:01:03,710 Just been a couple of weeks. 29 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:05,500 Feels like a lifetime, though. 30 00:01:05,630 --> 00:01:07,370 It's only been two weeks, 31 00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:09,370 but every time he complains about it, I add another week. 32 00:01:09,500 --> 00:01:11,680 Yeah. We're up to five weeks now. 33 00:01:11,810 --> 00:01:14,200 If she even high-fived me right now, I'd need a cigarette. 34 00:01:14,330 --> 00:01:15,290 Six weeks. 35 00:01:15,460 --> 00:01:16,980 Damn it! 36 00:01:18,030 --> 00:01:19,730 Junior, you shouldn't think of this 37 00:01:19,860 --> 00:01:21,120 as some sort of punishment. 38 00:01:21,210 --> 00:01:23,170 - I do. - I'm doing this because 39 00:01:23,340 --> 00:01:24,990 it's great for couples to explore 40 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:27,130 a deeper connection outside of sex. 41 00:01:27,260 --> 00:01:29,350 Please don't say "deeper" or "connection." 42 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:33,440 For instance, would you still love me if I lost my legs? 43 00:01:33,570 --> 00:01:35,740 Yes. I would tell my new wife, 44 00:01:35,870 --> 00:01:37,090 isn't Nina great? 45 00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:39,220 She was the love of my life. 46 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:40,970 I'll get the game. 47 00:01:42,620 --> 00:01:43,530 You know, 48 00:01:43,620 --> 00:01:45,100 periods of celibacy 49 00:01:45,190 --> 00:01:47,280 can be relationship-building. 50 00:01:47,450 --> 00:01:49,760 Yeah, my ex-wife and I practiced celibacy. 51 00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:52,320 We just called it marriage. 52 00:01:53,980 --> 00:01:55,980 I found it. 53 00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:57,980 Oh, wonderful. 54 00:01:58,110 --> 00:02:00,380 Okay, I'm gonna take the cowboy boot 'cause 55 00:02:00,510 --> 00:02:01,860 I have a club foot. 56 00:02:01,990 --> 00:02:03,990 I will take the treasure chest. 57 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:06,120 Ah, is that where you're hiding my booty? 58 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:09,560 - Eight weeks. - I meant like pirate booty. 59 00:02:09,690 --> 00:02:11,000 Like, what... 60 00:02:11,780 --> 00:02:13,130 And you take the bus 61 00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:15,090 because it's time for you to leave. 62 00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:17,830 Go ahead, get in there and zoom. 63 00:02:18,870 --> 00:02:21,700 And I'll take the dog 64 00:02:21,830 --> 00:02:23,700 because I never had one growing up 65 00:02:23,830 --> 00:02:25,790 since my dad refused to get me one, 66 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:28,360 so I grew up without the unconditional love a pet brings, 67 00:02:28,450 --> 00:02:31,150 and I carry the scars of that with me to this day! 68 00:02:32,100 --> 00:02:33,710 What? 69 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:36,850 ♪ Poppa's ♪ 70 00:02:37,020 --> 00:02:38,940 ♪ House ♪ 71 00:02:39,020 --> 00:02:40,160 ♪ Yeah. ♪ 72 00:02:43,900 --> 00:02:45,160 Where's all this hostility 73 00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:46,810 - coming from? - It's something 74 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:48,510 he brought up during our celibacy... 75 00:02:48,690 --> 00:02:50,600 "Our" celibacy? 76 00:02:50,730 --> 00:02:53,860 ...as we've been exploring our past and our feelings. 77 00:02:53,990 --> 00:02:56,610 You see, this is why I don't like staying up so late. 78 00:02:56,740 --> 00:02:58,390 - It's 5:34. - Yeah. 79 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:02,050 And at 5:33, all the feeling starts to bubble up. 80 00:03:02,180 --> 00:03:03,660 And to clarify, 81 00:03:03,790 --> 00:03:06,310 the reason I didn't let you have a dog as a child 82 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:07,620 is because you're highly allergic to them. 83 00:03:07,790 --> 00:03:09,580 No, Father. 84 00:03:09,710 --> 00:03:11,530 I'm not allergic. You're allergic to spending your money. 85 00:03:11,710 --> 00:03:14,280 That's not true. I paid for your private school. 86 00:03:14,410 --> 00:03:15,580 I paid for film school. 87 00:03:15,710 --> 00:03:17,150 - I paid for your braces. - Yeah, 88 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:18,720 those are all the things I needed. 89 00:03:18,850 --> 00:03:21,280 Okay? You didn't pay for all the stuff that I wanted as a kid. 90 00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:23,200 I used to draw dogs and slip them under your door 91 00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,330 and you would draw them dead and slip 'em back. 92 00:03:25,420 --> 00:03:27,330 - It was funny. - No, Dad, no. 93 00:03:27,510 --> 00:03:30,290 No, to me, you were being mean and cheap 94 00:03:30,420 --> 00:03:33,300 and a big, fat liar about me being allergic. 95 00:03:39,170 --> 00:03:42,910 Well, I guess I won by default. House rules. 96 00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:45,520 Good night, everybody. 97 00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:47,530 ♪ So long. ♪ 98 00:03:49,700 --> 00:03:50,960 I will go check on him. 99 00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:54,930 Can you believe that ungrateful son of a gun? 100 00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:56,580 Well, Poppa, 101 00:03:56,710 --> 00:03:59,760 Junior is triggered by the celibacy. 102 00:03:59,930 --> 00:04:01,240 He's feeling a lack of connection 103 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,590 and his emotions from deep down inside 104 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:05,370 from his past are bubbling up. 105 00:04:05,540 --> 00:04:07,110 Over a friggin' dog? 106 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:09,680 I used to get chased home 107 00:04:09,810 --> 00:04:12,770 by a German shepherd from the liquor store every day. 108 00:04:12,900 --> 00:04:14,380 Do you know how hard that was for me-- 109 00:04:14,510 --> 00:04:17,160 running with a club foot and a orthopedic shoe 110 00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:19,120 with sparks flying? 111 00:04:19,250 --> 00:04:21,730 Well, this is why I'm a cat person. 112 00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:23,910 Yes. 113 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:26,090 We know. Everybody knows. 114 00:04:26,170 --> 00:04:27,740 Your license plate says, 115 00:04:27,870 --> 00:04:29,700 "Purrfect." 116 00:04:31,790 --> 00:04:34,270 It's so cute! Anyway, 117 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,580 listen, Poppa, why don't you-- I don't know-- 118 00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,620 make some sort of grand gesture? 119 00:04:38,750 --> 00:04:41,320 And just reassure Junior of your love for him. 120 00:04:41,450 --> 00:04:43,500 That's a great idea. 121 00:04:45,190 --> 00:04:47,500 Mom, can we go outside? 122 00:04:47,630 --> 00:04:49,070 No. Mommy has to work, 123 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:50,680 and I don't have time to watch you outside. 124 00:04:50,810 --> 00:04:53,720 Dad, can you watch us outside? 125 00:04:53,850 --> 00:04:56,250 No, I'm editing this infomercial for a pretty cool 126 00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:58,250 new pr... We're already bored. 127 00:04:58,420 --> 00:05:00,770 Please don't add to it. 128 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:05,470 Hey, Dad. Why you knocking? 129 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:07,520 Because that's what normal people do 130 00:05:07,650 --> 00:05:09,520 when they show up to other people's houses unannounced. 131 00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:11,440 You should try it sometime. 132 00:05:11,610 --> 00:05:13,660 I've come bearing gifts. 133 00:05:13,790 --> 00:05:15,700 - What is it?! What is it?! - What is it?! What is it?! 134 00:05:15,830 --> 00:05:17,440 Well... 135 00:05:17,620 --> 00:05:19,490 I thought about it. You were right. 136 00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:22,670 I was wrong to deny you a puppy when you was a child. 137 00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:26,190 I'm sure you've outgrown your allergies by now, huh? 138 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,020 You mean the ones that didn't exist? 139 00:05:28,190 --> 00:05:29,630 Yeah, those, those. 140 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:31,020 Can we open it? 141 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:33,280 Absolutely. 142 00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:36,420 Oh, my God! 143 00:05:36,550 --> 00:05:38,030 I love him! 144 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:40,550 Dad, can we keep him? 145 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,030 Yes! 146 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:44,860 Wait, hold on. Who's gonna clean up after him? 147 00:05:44,990 --> 00:05:48,300 Oh, don't look at me. I already did my job. I bought him. 148 00:05:49,130 --> 00:05:51,000 I'm sure Junior 149 00:05:51,130 --> 00:05:55,050 will do everything he needs to do to make the baby happy. 150 00:05:55,130 --> 00:05:57,090 Yes, I am. I'm gonna hug him 151 00:05:57,220 --> 00:05:59,350 and pet you and pet you. 152 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:01,750 Welcome to the family, little guy. 153 00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,230 Uh... 154 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:11,150 breaking news, Poppitos. 155 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,850 Poppa is smiling. 156 00:06:13,020 --> 00:06:14,540 The question is, 157 00:06:14,670 --> 00:06:16,590 what are you smiling about? 158 00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:19,240 Oh, I can't tell you. You'll say I'm mean. 159 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:22,640 But I bought Junior a puppy. 160 00:06:27,380 --> 00:06:28,340 But that's wonderful. 161 00:06:28,470 --> 00:06:30,080 That's the kind of grand gesture 162 00:06:30,250 --> 00:06:31,650 - I was talking about. - Mm, yes. 163 00:06:31,780 --> 00:06:33,950 Yes, and you were right. 164 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:37,040 You see, the kids love it, which is perfect. Why? 165 00:06:37,170 --> 00:06:38,480 Because, Batman, 166 00:06:38,610 --> 00:06:41,530 it will be harder for them to get rid of it. 167 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:49,010 Okay, well, riddle me this, Poppa. 168 00:06:49,140 --> 00:06:51,140 Why would they ever get rid of it? 169 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:52,620 I thought you'd never ask. 170 00:06:52,710 --> 00:06:55,280 Because I had Junior tested for allergies 171 00:06:55,410 --> 00:06:57,890 when he was a child, and he came 172 00:06:58,020 --> 00:07:00,720 back 99.99% 173 00:07:00,890 --> 00:07:03,420 allergic to pet dander. 174 00:07:08,550 --> 00:07:11,160 Okay, but he may have outgrown that. 175 00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:11,950 I thought the same thing, 176 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:13,560 until he-- achoo-- 177 00:07:13,690 --> 00:07:16,520 sneezed in the puppy's face. 178 00:07:20,650 --> 00:07:23,000 So, this is you teaching him a lesson? 179 00:07:23,130 --> 00:07:26,220 No, more diabolical than that. 180 00:07:26,350 --> 00:07:29,140 The puppy is teaching him the lesson. 181 00:07:29,970 --> 00:07:31,530 You see, my dad 182 00:07:31,710 --> 00:07:33,800 used to say there are some people 183 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:36,230 you push 'em out of the way of a speeding bus, 184 00:07:36,410 --> 00:07:39,670 and they'll say, "Thank you. You saved my life." 185 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,330 And then, there's others that'll say, 186 00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:43,240 "Hey, man, you pushed me." 187 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:48,030 Junior is the "hey, man, you pushed me" guy 188 00:07:48,110 --> 00:07:50,470 when he needs to be 189 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:53,340 the "thank you, you saved my life" guy. 190 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:57,470 I can only imagine what he's going through 191 00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:59,040 this very second. 192 00:08:10,350 --> 00:08:11,790 Aw, man. 193 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:13,620 - Are you okay? - Yeah. 194 00:08:13,790 --> 00:08:15,360 I think I'm just allergic to celibacy. 195 00:08:15,530 --> 00:08:18,230 No, you're not. 196 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:19,840 Your dad was right. You're allergic 197 00:08:20,020 --> 00:08:20,930 to the dog. 198 00:08:21,060 --> 00:08:22,110 No, I'm not, all right? 199 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:23,720 That's a lie from Dad. 200 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,800 He also said I was allergic to Nintendo, 201 00:08:25,980 --> 00:08:27,890 to candy, his money, 202 00:08:28,020 --> 00:08:29,720 hugs. 203 00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:31,680 Basically anything I wanted. 204 00:08:31,850 --> 00:08:35,160 Okay, well, I'm gonna start carrying around your EpiPen. 205 00:08:35,250 --> 00:08:37,690 Unnecessary. 206 00:08:37,820 --> 00:08:39,210 Babe, we can't have this dog in the house 207 00:08:39,380 --> 00:08:40,470 if he's making you sick. 208 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,040 We should rip the Band-Aid off now 209 00:08:42,210 --> 00:08:43,650 before the kids get too attached. 210 00:08:43,740 --> 00:08:46,390 No, Mom, we can't get rid of Popcorn. 211 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:49,050 Aw, you named him Popcorn? 212 00:08:49,130 --> 00:08:51,570 That was the name of my dog when I was a little girl. 213 00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:53,350 We know. We're manipulating you. 214 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:55,050 - Oh. - All right, 215 00:08:55,230 --> 00:08:56,840 look, we're not getting rid of Popcorn, okay? 216 00:08:57,010 --> 00:08:59,660 My dad is trying to teach me the old "speeding bus" lesson, 217 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,010 and I refuse to be the "thank you" guy. 218 00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:03,020 Huh? Huh? 219 00:09:03,100 --> 00:09:04,840 What I'm trying to say is, 220 00:09:04,970 --> 00:09:06,850 we're keeping Popcorn and my dad's not gonna win. 221 00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:09,760 - Do you promise? - Promise? 222 00:09:09,940 --> 00:09:11,630 Yes. 223 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:14,030 Pinkie swear? 224 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:16,250 Pink... Sor... 225 00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:18,940 Pinkie swear. 226 00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:22,990 Cross my heart, hope to die. 227 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:25,860 Well, I'm glad you hope to die 228 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,780 because you know what's gonna kill you? That dog. 229 00:09:29,910 --> 00:09:31,480 Wait, where's Popcorn? 230 00:09:31,610 --> 00:09:34,000 - Popcorn! - Popcorn! 231 00:09:34,130 --> 00:09:35,870 Where...?Where... where did he go? 232 00:09:36,010 --> 00:09:37,620 Babe, you left the door open. 233 00:09:37,750 --> 00:09:38,920 What? No... 234 00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:40,660 Popcorn. Move. 235 00:09:52,020 --> 00:09:53,150 Hey. 236 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:55,330 What are you doing here? 237 00:09:55,460 --> 00:09:58,240 At least you knocked, unlike your owner. 238 00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:01,940 Are you hungry? You want to come in? 239 00:10:02,070 --> 00:10:04,120 Come in. Yeah. 240 00:10:06,470 --> 00:10:07,650 Get up on the chair. 241 00:10:07,780 --> 00:10:10,690 Yeah, you're gonna love this. 242 00:10:10,820 --> 00:10:13,480 This here is delicious potted meat. 243 00:10:13,610 --> 00:10:15,350 There's pig guts... 244 00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:17,570 Hey, Pop. Oh, hey, son. 245 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:21,530 What in the... "hey, you guys" 246 00:10:21,660 --> 00:10:23,140 is happening 247 00:10:23,310 --> 00:10:24,660 to your face? 248 00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:26,710 I was stung by a bee. 249 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:30,360 Did that bee happen to look like a pup-bee? 250 00:10:30,490 --> 00:10:33,020 No, Dad, for the last time, I'm not allergic to the dog... 251 00:10:36,150 --> 00:10:37,850 Pollen. That was pollen. 252 00:10:37,940 --> 00:10:39,420 Yeah? Maybe it's... 253 00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:41,640 puppy. 254 00:10:41,810 --> 00:10:43,030 Oh, thank God. I thought we lost him. 255 00:10:44,250 --> 00:10:46,380 - Oh. - You? 256 00:10:46,510 --> 00:10:49,250 Mr. Responsible Pet Owner? 257 00:10:49,380 --> 00:10:51,300 You are so petty, Dad. 258 00:10:51,430 --> 00:10:52,910 Don't forget mean 259 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:56,040 and cheap. And so maybe 260 00:10:56,170 --> 00:10:58,780 there's something you want to say to your dear old dad? 261 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:03,010 Okay. Yes, I might be... 262 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:06,310 ...a little... 263 00:11:08,530 --> 00:11:09,880 ...allergic. 264 00:11:10,010 --> 00:11:11,880 I'm shocked, because that would mean I'm... 265 00:11:15,540 --> 00:11:16,980 ...right. 266 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:22,460 Yes, you're right. 267 00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:26,810 What the hell's 268 00:11:26,940 --> 00:11:28,200 - wrong with you? - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 269 00:11:28,330 --> 00:11:31,210 Go get that fixed. 270 00:11:31,290 --> 00:11:33,040 I don't know what I'm gonna do, Dad, you know, I... 271 00:11:33,210 --> 00:11:34,600 The kids love the dog, and... 272 00:11:34,730 --> 00:11:35,990 I just don't want to break their hearts. 273 00:11:36,170 --> 00:11:38,040 Oh, there he is. 274 00:11:38,210 --> 00:11:39,910 Oh, Popcorn. 275 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,220 - Oh, look. - Yeah, he seems to love Poppa. 276 00:11:42,390 --> 00:11:43,740 Aw. 277 00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:45,000 Oh, God, Junior. 278 00:11:45,180 --> 00:11:46,830 What in the Will Smith from Hitch 279 00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:48,530 happened to your face? 280 00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:51,180 Okay, I got the EpiPen. Come on. 281 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:02,060 Oh, no. 282 00:12:02,190 --> 00:12:04,020 Yeah, 283 00:12:04,150 --> 00:12:06,020 okay, now step away from the dog, let's go home. 284 00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:08,030 Nope, you're not leaving him here with me. 285 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:09,640 Do you want your son to die? 286 00:12:09,770 --> 00:12:12,030 To teach him a really good lesson? 287 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:15,030 Okay, fine, he can stay with me for the weekend 288 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:17,210 until you guys figure out how to tell the children 289 00:12:17,380 --> 00:12:19,390 and find him a new home. 290 00:12:19,470 --> 00:12:22,170 Thanks, Dad. I'm sorry about all this. 291 00:12:23,780 --> 00:12:24,650 I mean, what is it 292 00:12:24,830 --> 00:12:26,520 with you guys and lying? 293 00:12:26,610 --> 00:12:29,660 Y'all lie about everything. 294 00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:31,700 You want to know why guys lie? 295 00:12:31,830 --> 00:12:34,620 It's because women can't handle guys' truth. 296 00:12:34,750 --> 00:12:37,010 - That's ridiculous. - Is it? 297 00:12:37,140 --> 00:12:38,800 Y'all get all hysterical 298 00:12:38,930 --> 00:12:41,930 if you don't hear what you want to hear. 299 00:12:42,060 --> 00:12:44,320 It forces men to lie when you say stuff like, 300 00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:45,980 "Babe, do I look fat in this dress?" 301 00:12:47,670 --> 00:12:50,070 Well, if "fat" came to mind when you put the dress on, 302 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:52,160 that's your answer. 303 00:12:54,250 --> 00:12:56,210 - You're a... Dog. - Hmm? 304 00:12:56,340 --> 00:12:57,820 - I'm a dog? - No. 305 00:12:57,950 --> 00:12:59,250 I smell dog. 306 00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:03,130 A dog was sitting in this chair. 307 00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:05,910 What are you talking about? I don't have a dog. 308 00:13:07,650 --> 00:13:09,130 Liar. 309 00:13:09,310 --> 00:13:11,220 I got to get out of here. 310 00:13:12,530 --> 00:13:13,880 Why? You're allergic? 311 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,010 No. It's just, you don't know my cats. 312 00:13:16,140 --> 00:13:18,710 They're like a gang. I call them the Paw-fia. 313 00:13:18,790 --> 00:13:21,100 If they even smell that dog on me, 314 00:13:21,230 --> 00:13:23,360 I'll be swimming with the fishes. 315 00:13:23,490 --> 00:13:25,500 You have put my life in danger. 316 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:30,370 Well, I guess it's just me and you. 317 00:13:30,540 --> 00:13:31,680 Want to do a podcast? 318 00:13:31,850 --> 00:13:33,240 Yeah. 319 00:13:33,370 --> 00:13:35,550 All right, jump down there and go get it. 320 00:13:38,030 --> 00:13:41,080 ♪ People, let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪ 321 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:43,690 ♪ He's a warm-hearted person ♪ 322 00:13:43,770 --> 00:13:46,260 ♪ Who'll love me till the end ♪ 323 00:13:46,390 --> 00:13:49,080 ♪ People, let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪ 324 00:13:49,170 --> 00:13:51,390 ♪ He's a one-boy cuddly toy ♪ 325 00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:54,220 ♪ My up, my down, my pride and joy ♪ 326 00:13:54,350 --> 00:13:56,960 ♪ People, let me tell you 'bout him, he's so much fun ♪ 327 00:13:57,090 --> 00:13:59,360 ♪ Whether we're talkin' man-to-man ♪ 328 00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:01,400 ♪ Or whether we're talkin' son-to-son ♪ 329 00:14:01,570 --> 00:14:05,060 ♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪ 330 00:14:05,190 --> 00:14:07,490 ♪ Yeah, he's my best friend ♪ 331 00:14:07,670 --> 00:14:10,580 ♪ La-la, pa-da-da-da-yah ♪ 332 00:14:10,710 --> 00:14:12,500 ♪ Pa-da-da-da-yah. ♪ 333 00:14:12,590 --> 00:14:16,370 We'll never talk to you again if you give Popcorn away. 334 00:14:16,500 --> 00:14:18,110 I'm sorry, 335 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,810 but we found Popcorn a home with a loving family 336 00:14:20,940 --> 00:14:22,380 where no one is allergic. 337 00:14:22,510 --> 00:14:25,860 Hmm. I need to consult with Maya. 338 00:14:30,130 --> 00:14:31,780 Buckingham? 339 00:14:33,260 --> 00:14:36,440 Okay, so, a dog is like family, right? 340 00:14:36,610 --> 00:14:38,180 - Right. - So, 341 00:14:38,260 --> 00:14:42,010 if daddy was allergic to me or Trey, would you give us away? 342 00:14:42,140 --> 00:14:45,180 No. I would leave your father for you. 343 00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:46,710 So let's do that. 344 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:48,530 Yay. 345 00:14:48,670 --> 00:14:50,150 We're keeping Popcorn. 346 00:14:50,230 --> 00:14:53,190 No more Dad. No more Dad. 347 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:55,370 - No more Dad. - All right, all right, all right, all right. 348 00:14:55,450 --> 00:14:57,850 Enough, okay? I am sorry, 349 00:14:58,020 --> 00:14:59,720 but the dog keeps biting holes in the couch, 350 00:14:59,850 --> 00:15:01,330 he's pooping everywhere. 351 00:15:01,460 --> 00:15:03,550 And you're allergic. Highly. 352 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:05,770 It's sad, but he has to go. 353 00:15:05,900 --> 00:15:07,470 We don't love you anymore. 354 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:08,690 Neither do I. 355 00:15:08,770 --> 00:15:10,510 I said "we," dummy. 356 00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:18,560 - They don't mean that. - Yes, they do. 357 00:15:18,740 --> 00:15:20,000 Yes, they do. 358 00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:23,270 But it's not your fault. 359 00:15:24,530 --> 00:15:26,750 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 360 00:15:27,700 --> 00:15:32,880 Guess I'll just, um, go tell my dad I learned his lesson. 361 00:15:38,450 --> 00:15:39,850 You know, there's nothing like the experience 362 00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:41,410 - of raising your first dog. - That part. 363 00:15:41,540 --> 00:15:43,240 The simple joy of walking side-by-side 364 00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:46,420 with your buddy out in the fresh air... Yes. Yes. 365 00:15:46,550 --> 00:15:48,510 You know, Marley & Me is just one of those movies 366 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:50,380 that kind of gets you right here. 367 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:54,600 I don't want to spoil it, but the dog dies at the end. 368 00:15:57,470 --> 00:15:58,600 Look. 369 00:16:01,130 --> 00:16:03,700 We need to talk, Popcorn. 370 00:16:03,870 --> 00:16:05,260 This weekend has been fun, 371 00:16:05,390 --> 00:16:07,740 but this thing between you and me, it ain't gonna work. 372 00:16:07,870 --> 00:16:10,140 No, it's not you. It's me. 373 00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:13,490 I'm selfish. I like my music loud, 374 00:16:13,620 --> 00:16:15,670 I like my sleep quiet, 375 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,410 and I don't really like sharing my potted meat. 376 00:16:20,540 --> 00:16:23,540 I'm gonna tell you a story I've never told anybody before. 377 00:16:24,630 --> 00:16:27,550 When I was a kid, I had a dog that kind of looked like you. 378 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:28,680 I loved him. 379 00:16:28,810 --> 00:16:31,070 His name was Rollo... 380 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:34,290 ...after the guy from Sanford and Son. 381 00:16:34,420 --> 00:16:35,770 That's probably before your time. 382 00:16:35,900 --> 00:16:37,990 But anyway, 383 00:16:38,170 --> 00:16:41,260 he used to like to chase fire engines. 384 00:16:41,390 --> 00:16:43,210 And one day he was chasing after a fire engine 385 00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:45,960 that was going backwards, and, uh, 386 00:16:46,090 --> 00:16:48,920 right there in front of my eyes, splat. 387 00:16:49,090 --> 00:16:50,700 Yeah. 388 00:16:50,830 --> 00:16:54,010 That big dummy joined Elizabeth 389 00:16:54,140 --> 00:16:56,100 in the great, blue sky. 390 00:16:58,060 --> 00:17:00,450 If you'd have seen the show, you'd laugh. 391 00:17:02,190 --> 00:17:04,890 Anyway, Popcorn, that wrecked me, 392 00:17:04,980 --> 00:17:07,800 and it's for that reason that I got to let you go. 393 00:17:08,330 --> 00:17:09,370 Come on, don't be... 394 00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:12,070 Hey. 395 00:17:13,810 --> 00:17:15,290 Hey, Dad. 396 00:17:15,380 --> 00:17:17,030 Hey. 397 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:18,950 Did you hear any of that? 398 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:22,690 Of course I did, you old fish-eyed fool. 399 00:17:23,730 --> 00:17:25,390 I didn't know you had a dog. 400 00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:27,910 - Yeah. - I didn't know any of that. 401 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,960 Well, it probably wouldn't have helped if you did know. 402 00:17:31,090 --> 00:17:32,740 Yeah, it might have. 403 00:17:32,830 --> 00:17:33,960 I would have at least understood where you were coming from. 404 00:17:34,090 --> 00:17:35,960 Yeah, well, I'm old-school. 405 00:17:36,140 --> 00:17:37,700 I don't like sharing my pain. 406 00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:40,230 You didn't seem to mind sharing it with Popcorn. 407 00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:41,530 Popcorn's different. 408 00:17:41,710 --> 00:17:44,150 He's a great listener. 409 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:45,280 Huh? 410 00:17:46,670 --> 00:17:47,840 No, I'm kidding. 411 00:17:48,020 --> 00:17:50,460 Anyway, uh, talked to the kids. 412 00:17:50,590 --> 00:17:53,150 They're not happy, but we found a family for the dog. 413 00:17:53,330 --> 00:17:55,550 Seem like really great people, too. 414 00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:57,290 I am happy to hear that. 415 00:17:57,460 --> 00:18:00,340 Yeah. I'll, uh, come by tomorrow and pick the dog up. 416 00:18:00,470 --> 00:18:01,470 - Great. - Oh. 417 00:18:01,550 --> 00:18:03,860 And, um, Dad, 418 00:18:03,990 --> 00:18:06,520 I am sorry about calling you a liar. 419 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:09,040 I appreciate that. 420 00:18:09,170 --> 00:18:10,560 'Cause I was about 421 00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:13,740 to give you five of these across your lip. 422 00:18:13,830 --> 00:18:16,530 Gonna knock the snuff out. 423 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:25,400 - Hey, Daddy. - Hey. 424 00:18:25,530 --> 00:18:27,880 Wait. What are you guys doing here so early? 425 00:18:28,010 --> 00:18:29,580 Uh, we just, uh, took our morning walk. 426 00:18:29,670 --> 00:18:31,580 - Where'd you walk to? - Manhattan. 427 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:34,020 It's just been so amazing, 428 00:18:34,150 --> 00:18:35,460 the things we've been able to do together 429 00:18:35,630 --> 00:18:36,890 outside of the "S" word. 430 00:18:37,020 --> 00:18:38,680 Yeah, it's been great. 431 00:18:40,070 --> 00:18:42,070 Anyway, uh, the new family's ready for Popcorn, 432 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:44,290 so we're gonna walk him - over there now. - Well, 433 00:18:44,420 --> 00:18:46,420 I actually have some good news for you guys. 434 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:49,170 I found a loving home for Popcorn, 435 00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:50,910 and it's really close by 436 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:53,340 so the grandkids can come see him any time they want. 437 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:54,820 Oh, wow. Where? 438 00:18:54,950 --> 00:18:56,960 I'll show you. Follow me. 439 00:18:58,830 --> 00:19:01,830 Oh, no. No. 440 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,700 - Wow. - You? The Grinch? 441 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:07,180 Oh, come on. Don't make a big deal out of it. 442 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,060 I mean, I'm not getting soft. 443 00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:11,450 It's just, this family in Connecticut, I don't know them. 444 00:19:11,580 --> 00:19:13,500 They could live next door to a fire truck. 445 00:19:13,630 --> 00:19:15,800 You love him. 446 00:19:15,890 --> 00:19:18,720 Oh, stop. I barely love you. 447 00:19:18,850 --> 00:19:21,500 He loves me. 448 00:19:21,630 --> 00:19:24,070 Well, I guess it's time to go home and not have sex. 449 00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:25,590 Ten weeks. 450 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:27,990 You know what? I don't care anymore, all right? 451 00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:29,730 Make it 11. 452 00:19:29,860 --> 00:19:32,080 - 12. - Make it a hundred. 453 00:19:32,210 --> 00:19:33,990 Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex. 454 00:19:34,120 --> 00:19:36,260 Secky-secky-sex. 455 00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:39,960 Don't you sex me. 456 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:46,530 - I don't want this. - I don't want this either. 457 00:19:46,700 --> 00:19:49,620 - I don't like this. - I don't like this either. 458 00:19:49,750 --> 00:19:51,320 ♪ Who? Who? Who? ♪ ♪ Who let the dogs out? ♪ 459 00:19:51,490 --> 00:19:53,970 ♪ Who? Who? Who? Who? ♪ 460 00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:55,620 ♪ Who let the dogs out? ♪ 461 00:19:57,500 --> 00:20:00,370 Well, well, look who the cats dragged in. 462 00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:02,980 Literally. 463 00:20:03,110 --> 00:20:04,720 I told you this was going to happen. 464 00:20:04,890 --> 00:20:07,810 As soon as the cats smelled your dog on me, 465 00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:08,640 they cornered me. 466 00:20:08,770 --> 00:20:10,030 Hmm. 467 00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:12,470 It's either me or that dog. 468 00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:17,860 ♪ Who let the dogs out? ♪ 469 00:20:17,950 --> 00:20:19,600 ♪ Who? Who? Who? Who? ♪ 470 00:20:19,740 --> 00:20:23,610 ♪ Who let the dogs out? ♪ Who? Who? Who? Who? ♪ 471 00:20:23,740 --> 00:20:26,350 ♪ Who let the dogs out? ♪♪ Who? Who? Who? Who? ♪ 472 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:32,490 - Marker. - Over a freaking dog? 473 00:20:32,570 --> 00:20:34,880 I used to get chased by a German shepherd 474 00:20:34,970 --> 00:20:36,140 that worked at the liquor store. 475 00:20:36,270 --> 00:20:37,540 It didn't work at the liquor store. 476 00:20:39,620 --> 00:20:40,800 Marker. 477 00:20:40,970 --> 00:20:41,930 Hello. 478 00:20:42,110 --> 00:20:43,450 How are you? 479 00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:46,540 Yeah. 480 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:48,110 And the people that try to talk to dogs-- 481 00:20:48,290 --> 00:20:49,810 don't that just piss you off? 482 00:20:49,940 --> 00:20:52,120 Yeah. 483 00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:54,900 Like they speak your language. They don't know. 484 00:20:59,430 --> 00:21:01,860 Captioning sponsored by CBS 485 00:21:01,950 --> 00:21:05,390 and TOYOTA. 486 00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:08,870 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 34146

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