Original subtitles

[slow music]

[upbeat music]

? We're the pirates next door

- Ah, right.

There'll be no school this afternoon.

[cheering]

You're going to be doing work experience instead!

- Owh.

It's cruel to raise our hopes

and then dash them against the box.

- Everyone will pick a profession from the box.

- Ice cream seller, that's cool!

- Librarian.

That's even worse than school.

- Policeman!

[laughs]

- Chief bingo caller, oh wow!

- There are no slips left.

- Sorry, how absentminded of me.

What would you like to be, Matilda?

- Pirate!

- Well, that can't really be a career.

- It's more than a career!

It's a passion, a vocation.

It means getting up at the crack of dawn

to watch the swish of the waves!

It means hitting clay pigeons and gulls with every shot!

- Yes, thank you Jim.

Matilda, are you quite sure?

- Yes.

- Very well.

So, I will leave you to meet your sponsors.

[panting]

- Hey Brent, what job did you end up with?

- Fishmonger.

- Mind your own business.

- Fishmonger? Nice one!

- Whoever gets the lowest marks

buys ice creams for everyone.

- Well, I'm going to be a wicked policeman.

By the way, does anyone know what a bobby actually does?

- Grandpa's never going to let you

come onboard his ship, you know!

- Don't worry, I've got a plan.

- Hmmm.

- Ahem, Grandpa?

You need to come down off that boat,

if you're a real pirate.

- [Grandpa] Ahoy, I don't have time to waste

on a pile of seaweed.

- Well if you don't come down,

I'm going to draw little hearts all over your hull.

- You lingering little miss.

Leave me alone!

[laughing]

[cannon booms]

[cannons boom]

Aha!

[pained gasp]

[laughing]

[squawking]

[yelping]

You little gull brain!

You're gonna be sorry you ever crossed my bows.

- A policeman's job is all about action and adventure,

and sacrificing oneself for-

- Brilliant, just like a pirate then.

- Are you ready for a mission of the utmost importance?

- Yeah!

- Madam.

- Is this the mission?

- The protection of citizens is first and foremost.

- Bleugh.

Well well, Jim the policeman.

At least now we're sure we won't be protected.

[growling]

- That fish looks a bit fishy to me.

Do you know what we buccaneers

do with fish smugglers like you?

We chop off their hands, don't we Captain?

Er, I mean Chief.

- Jim, I've got a very dangerous mission for you.

I hope you've got a head for heights.

- What's my mission?

To climb the lighthouse bare-handed?

To rope all the way down the cliff face?

To blow up the town and flush out the hooligans?

- Alley-oop.

[yelling]

- My vanilla ice cream has a strange taste to it.

Take that, traitor.

- Case of weird-tasting ice creams?

We'll make those cheating ice creams

wish they'd never tasted weird.

- You could do with a Cabin Boy to polish this deck.

[sighing]

- The damsel has a point.

This dirty deck could use a scrub.

[yelping]

- Okay, get to it.

Well what are you waitin' for?

[giggling]

- I'm telling you the truth Officer,

I've never tampered with my ice creams.

- Hm.

[whimpering]

- Release her!

It's all my fault, I got the flavors all mixed up.

- Alex is the culprit.

That's that case solved then.

- That sounds like a goat.

- A goat in Dull-on-Sea?

Cor, I've seen it all now.

[bleating]

- This method's quite infallible.

You have a 98% chance of always coming up

with the right bingo numbers.

- This time, I really will be bingo queen!

[squawking]

- That's land lover scrubbing!

- I've been at it for two hours!

[shrieks]

- Is that what you call scrubbing the deck?

There's still all this to get done.

Undo the knots,

sever the mast,

and reshot the helm.

- What! Grandpa allowed her onboard the ship?

It looks like she's having fun as well.

Right, isn't it time we had some fun too?

Within the limits of the law, of course.

[laughing]

It's illegal to litter the road or any public place.

[car honking]

[trumpeting]

- Little damsel doesn't give up easily!

- Can we get down to the serious stuff now please?

- If that's what you really want.

[shrieking]

[shrieking]

[shrieking]

- Why don't you teach me finding treasure, for example?

- There's a treasure in there!

Don't come back 'til you've found

that gold mask, you little scoundrel!

- Hm.

[suspenseful music]

- What are you doing?

- I, I, Grandpa asked me to come and examine

this mask, for, my training.

- Alright, but try not to get your sticky paws

all over it, it took me too much time to clean it.

[alarm sounding]

- At last!

[cars screeching]

Secure the exit, while I take a look inside.

- Yes, got it.

- Evacuate! This is the police!

[suspenseful music]

Come out burglar.

Matilda! Are you the burglar?

- Me? No of course I'm not!

I don't even like 12th century Venetian masks all that much.

It's all Grandpa's fault.

He ordered me to bring a piece of treasure

back from the library.

- I'll have to arrest you.

The law's the law.

[squeaking]

I can't arrest another pirate!

It goes against pirates' honor.

- Everything alright, Jim?

[gulping]

- We need back-up in here!

- Oh, back-up?

- I don't wanna cause you any trouble.

I'll turn myself in.

[dog barking]

- Bones has grabbed the robber,

he's chasing after him, follow him!

[panting]

[yelping]

- He got what he deserved!

[panting]

- A thief in my library!

While I was fetching some labels for the bookshelves.

What were you doing, Julia?

- What about my treasure!

Ar, there's no point wasting time

trying to educate land lovers.

Oh! Aha, luckily I can always count on

me old tropical Polly.

[giggling]

- Look what Grandpa put

"The most rotten piece of flotsam

"that ever walked the deck of my boat."

- Er, that's not a compliment.

- Yes, but at least it's pirate-y.

And, Grandpa did teach me some things.

What kind of mark did you get?

- Special Agent Pirate!

I think that copper really liked me in the end.

[shrieking]

[laughing]

[upbeat music]

[slow music]

[upbeat music]

? We're the pirates next door

- We'll get the boat ready while we're waiting

for Max and Alexia!

This is gonna be such a great boat trip.

It's with sardines, your favorite.

- [Boy] Thanks.

- What's the matter, are you ill?

- Me? Ill? We pirates are never ill!

It's Bones, he keeps nearly trip-

Tripping me-

[dog howling]

- Hm, there are red spots on his tongue.

His eyes are yellow.

I know!

He's got Wastite Syndrome!

We've got to mash him up some cod guts.

Yeah!

- Are you sure it's a good idea

letting your little sister treat you?

- Well done little sis.

- I get to budge it.

[laughing]

- That's disgusting!

[coughing]

- I'm coughing, it's not Wastite.

Oh no, I've got Sailor Lungernitus!

- I'll let the others know

we're canceling our boat trip until-

- No, wait!

There is another solution.

- [Together] The Grandpa Way!

[laughing]

- [Together] And a-one, and a-two, and a-three-

- Hey! What are you doing?

- What's the matter with them?

They look like they've just seen a sea monster.

- You don't have to worry, Mrs Roberts,

the quicker it's done,

the quicker we'll be able to set sail.

- Surely you're not going to cut a young boy's leg off.

We don't even know what he's got.

[squawking]

- [Together] And a-one, and a-two-

- Well I think you're a load of cowards

who are too scared to even find out what's wrong with him.

[imitating clucking]

Who's a big chicken then!

- Wait.

I'm not scared of anything, I'm a pirate!

- Woulda been quicker if we'd done the amputation.

- Well it looks to me like a plain old cold.

[shrieking]

- That's the land lovers' disease!

- I'll call the doctor!

- [Pirates together] A doctor?!

- A charlatan! Where is he? Let me at him!

- No, it's so that Jim can get better faster.

The doctor will just- Ah!

[squawking]

- No charlatans on our boat!

- Alright, alright, I get it, no doctors.

But, land lover disease calls for land lover cure!

- Don't fret me hearty, I'll take care of this small fry.

And then we can lop that leg off!

- Okay Matilda, I'll do it just to show you

that I'm not scared of anything.

But if your plan doesn't work,

you must let me cut my leg off, alright?

- Land lover's promise.

- You old festering gull guts!

You rogues are really going out of your way

to spoil me day!

- We have plenty of cell salts,

which means B3, B5, B6-

superbooster, plus a thermal blanket, ready!

- [Matilda] What are you doing Jim?

[shrieking]

- 30 more cannonballs to be polished!

- It's obvious isn't it, I'm cleaning cannonballs.

- We pirates never stop working.

Even when we're ill.

And when we can't work anymore,

we're thrown overboard to the shark-

- Hey!

- We're going to take you in with us.

There are rules in our house.

Anyone who is ill must rest 'til he's cured.

- And, must be mollycoddled.

You'll see Jim, it's really fun when you're ill.

You can do whatever you want!

- Oh really.

[downbeat music]

- Would you like another cushion?

[shrieking]

- So much suffering.

If only we let you do your duty little sword,

we wouldn't be going through all this torture!

- Do you need anything else?

You can ask me whatever you like!

It's all part of the treatment.

[relaxing music]

- So are you feeling better?

- Yeah.

[coughing]

- I knew it!

We need to soak his toes in a mound of sand.

Darling, buckets please, we're going to need-

- Nugget!

[shrieking]

- What's going on? Are we going out?

- Oh, yes, I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you about that.

It's Jim, he seems to have a cold, so-

- [Together] A cold?!

[whacking noise]

- Pity, that would've made a perfect peg leg

for our Jim, but since that bilge rat

no longer wants his leg amputated.

- [Together] Jim, amputated?!

- When you get your wooden leg, will you let us touch it?

- Yeah, course I will!

- That's strange, the vitamins should already be working.

- Well maybe it's 'cause land lover medication doesn't work!

If you'd let Grandpa amputate my leg,

we'd already be on the-

No wait!

- Ah, Jim, this time you're going to swallow it.

Go on, down the hatch.

I'm still going on that boat trip, come what may!

[splashing]

[sighing]

All that for nothing.

There'll be no boat trip now.

[squawking]

[whacking noise]

- Do you know the story of Black Tooth?

The man was treated by a doctor.

First, his teeth all fell out,

then he blew up like a huge sea urchin,

and then he exploded!

If you stick around here, you're going to be

tortured by one of the charlatans!

- We could still do the amputation!

That would be much more fun than the silly boat ride.

- No way. Forget it.

Make sure you keep Jim here 'til he arrives.

I'm gonna call the doctor.

[sniffing]

- You must come quickly.

- He's looking more and more ill.

If you ask me, we'll have to cut both his legs off.

- Gah!

[whooping]

[crashing]

[laughing]

- Rancy radfish, he still managed to get there!

[sniffing]

- Charlatan on the horizon!

- Ah! Danger of death, in sight.

- You scoundrel, you gold dropping bludgering beluga!

Don't you dare lay one tendon on my grandson!

- Traitors! You called a doctor behind my back!

- [Together] It wasn't us!

- We were in favor of the amputation.

- It was Matilda who-

[door crashing open]

- I hope the patient's not that crazy old fool, is he?

- No no, it's for Jim, hey!

Where's he gone, you let him get away!

No, wait, Jim!

- You traitor.

First you give me your horrible lover pills,

and now you bring this, this charlatan

- Come on laddy, we'll help you

get rid of that nasty land lover disease at last.

- Not so fast you runny-nosed buccaneer!

- Ah, my teeth, now I'm like firey Black Tooth!

Grandpa!

- Too late, we can do no more for you, Jim.

Goodbye.

[sad music]

- Hm.

[gasping]

- If you move I'll knock you out with your own peg leg!

- You're going to have to be brave, sunny the lad.

You have scurvy, an illness caused by lack of vitamin C.

- Yeah!

- Ha ha, well done Jim!

All our ancestors had scurvy!

[triumphant music]

[laughing]

- You pirates have a seriously imbalanced diet, I'm afraid.

You eat neither fruit nor vegetables.

- You're the one who's imbalanced.

Since when did you see trees growing in the sea!

- Oh, it's scurvy!

I should've known, pirates always get that disease.

Of course it didn't do anything,

there isn't any vitamin C in these things.

- Hm.

- Ah, yuck, I can't stand oranges!

[giggling]

Ah, still though, would've been nice to have a wooden leg.

[gasping]

What did I say?

- Wha- Why are you walking like that Madam?

Does it hurt?

- My legs are just a bit shaky, that's all.

[laughing]

[upbeat music]

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