Original subtitles

[upbeat accordion theme music]

? We're the Pirates Next Door

[seagull squawking]

- It looks like Matilda's going to beat him!

[grunting and fighting noises]

- Nah. After all those years Jim's been training,

he's gonna slaughter her.

- What's the racket about, buccaneer bandits?

[Matilda laughing] - I won!

[seagull poop falling] - This is a public square,

not an arena. [splat]

Run along! Shoo, shoo!

- From this day forth, this ice cream van is our property!

Spotting accomplished!

- Get down from there, you hoodlum!

[Jim yelling victoriously]

[dog barking] [chomping]

[stone whipping] [cans clattering]

[gasps] - Sorry!

Didn't do it on purpose.

- That is why catapults are not allowed.

- Since when?

- Since I had my very own anti-pirate law passed

by the town hall. [laughs]

- An anti-pirate law?

- Precisely!

It's a law to punish pirate-y behavior

that I got voted in at the last council meeting.

And since it's my law,

the mayor has granted me full authority to enforce it!

[whistle blows]

- What a load of rubbish!

[humming]

- It's horrible. Dull-on-Sea is going to be

as boring as it used to be. Or worse.

- Well, at least this new law

can't stop Grandpa from firing his cannonballs.

[cannonball fires]

- You bunch of bilge-weevils!

Those cannonballs are mine!

[dog barking] [pirate yell]

- Give him back his cannonballs,

or I'll make shark bait out of you!

- Article 12: all unjustified and improper use

of pirate cannonballs is most strictly forbidden,

and above all, any threat perpetrated by a pirate

will lead to expulsion if repeated.

[seagull squawks]

[dog growling]

And pirate animals will no longer be allowed to roam free.

That dog of yours is to be kept on a lead.

- A lead?

Why not in a cage with big iron bars

and wearing a nice muzzle while you're at it?

- Splendid idea.

I must remember to add that to my law.

Thanks for the tip.

[cannonballs dropping]

- Bilgerat! Devil's siren! Hoodlum! Whoa!

[cannonball falling]

- Confiscated.

Blatant demonstrations of piracy

are banned as from right now.

Pirate arms are illegal.

- Are you joking?

- Come, come, come on, son.

You don't have a choice.

- We'll show you what we think of your

stupid anti-pirate law!

- Yeah, same as Matilda!

- Um, are you guys sure about this?

Hey, wait for me!

We pirates always stick together!

[kids singing] ? We are the pirates

? We sail the stormy seas and-- ?

- Hey, wanna join our demonstration

against Bevan and her stupid law?

Because of her, being "pirate-y" is now a crime!

[parrot squawking] - Walk the plank!

[dog barking]

[whistle blows]

- Engaging in spying like pirates is banned.

[whistle blows]

Engaging in digging in public places

like pirates is banned.

[crying]

[whistle blows]

Engaging in the eating of sweets is banned.

- But eating ice cream isn't pirate-y!

- Who cares! It's my law, I do what I want!

[kids singing] ? We are the pirates

? We sail the stormy seas and-- ?

[whistle blows]

- Engaging in singing pirate songs is banned.

[faint singing] [ominous music]

Even in the shower!

Off to the reform center!

[all groaning]

[chips clanging] [rocks breaking]

[ominous music]

[surprised orchestra hit]

Now here we have a flagrant example of slapdash behavior.

She needs to be corrected at once.

Stand up straight for heaven's sake!

There now. That's better.

- This is slavery.

- We absolutely have to find a way to get out of here.

- Now to complete this wonderful afternoon,

I propose we do a little sketching.

I want you all to draw a nice portrait of myself

to adorn my anti-pirate door.

- This has to be stopped!

We have to tell our parents!

- Oh, it's been so peaceful since that law was passed.

No more ear-shattering cannon blasts.

- I think we're going to have to do it

without the grown-ups.

- Or, what if we were to use them instead?

We'll be more anti-pirate

than the anti-pirate league themselves!

Let's see how they like that!

- What are you up to now, you buccaneer bandits?

- We're just so glad that we finally got rid

of all our nasty habits.

And now, we too want to flush the pirates

out of this town.

[crow cawing]

[seagull squawking]

- You could hear a fly, it's so quiet.

[fly buzzing] [seagull squawking]

- Fresh fish! Off the boat!

Fresh fish! Off the-- [whistle blows]

- You're not allowed to yell like a pirate!

[grumpy tuba melody]

[whistle blows]

- No barbecues. Too pirate-y.

[whistle blows]

- Do you have a permit allowing you to leave the port?

[all giggling]

- [whispering] Fresh fish! Right off the boat!

[gasps] [playful music]

- Now that's much better.

[waves lapping]

[hammer pounding]

[whistle blows]

- Not allowed! Noise pollution.

- I declare a blackout.

We don't want to attract pirates.

[ominous music]

[smack] [thud]

[electricity shutting off]

[door closing]

[ship horn] [metallic clanking]

[water splashes]

- Here are all the offenses committed

by the residents of Dull-on-Sea.

- This is the best day of my life.

At last this town is rid of all its nasty bad habits

once and for all!

- Uh, not quite, actually.

- There is one last habit that ought to be banned.

- Really? Which one?

- It's a game of chance which starts off quite innocently.

Then the next thing you know, they're pirates.

- And then down they go, into the pits of baseness.

- Alright, alright. What's the game?

- Bingo!

[playful pizzicato strings]

[chips falling]

- Since there's no longer

any reason to go out of an evening,

I shall impose a curfew from 8:00.

- We're not even free to walk the streets at night anymore!

- It violates our rights!

It's a state of emergency!

- We can't allow this to go on!

- You should make your voices heard!

[all agreeing]

- Down with the anti-pirate law!

We demand our rights!

- Break up this crowd!

No matter who you are, the next instance of piracy

will be punished with permanent expulsion!

- Is she allowed to do that?

- Uh, yes. It's written here.

- But you can't expel a family

just because they walk their dog after 8:00.

- Well, that's true. Animals have needs, too.

- The law is the law.

- Oh yeah. That's true, too.

- What a load of paddly poor coast guards.

- There's nothing more we can do.

We tried everything.

- Hey, look! The bingo cards and counters

aren't here anymore!

Bevan gave in!

[door squeaking]

- She's broken the curfew!

Let's follow her!

[ominous music]

[shoes scuffling] [knocking]

This is the first time I've ever

climbed a wall to get into school. Oh!

[gasp]

[country music]

[door slamming] Violating the curfew?

Playing illegal games?

Consumption of food that is prohibited?

And listening to banned music.

- I think we're going to have to expel you

from this town permanently.

- What if we repeal the law?

There. No more law, no more crime!

- Victory!

[upbeat guitar music]

[yelling] [splashing]

[cannon blasts] [kids cheering]

[trumpet blows]

[wooden swords clanging]

- You realize, it's even better

than before the law was brought!

- We're going to have a party afterwards!

We're going to make noise all night long!

It's going to be brilliant!

[kids yelling and cheering]

- To be honest, we're a bit tired.

- Actually, that anti-pirate law wasn't so bad after all!

[jaunty theme music]

[whooshing]

[upbeat accordion theme music]

? We're the Pirates Next Door

[pencils scribbling]

- Write down the title and underline in red

properties of a parallelepiped.

Matilda, try to remember to bring your own things.

Luckily Jim was kind enough to lend you his.

- So what? My pen, your pen, what's the difference?

I needed it, so I took it.

- It's piracy, that's what.

Why can't you have your own things, like everybody else?

[can slamming]

[playful music]

Ah, a key.

Well, a key is always handy for opening a door.

I'll keep this.

- Hey, that's Grandpa's!

[both grunting]

- Grandpa's key is my key.

It's all one, right?

- You don't even know what it's for!

[seagull squawking] That's clever.

- Heads to starboard! Actions, actions!

- Blistering barnacles! What's all this racket?

[gunshot] [seagull squawking]

[Matilda yells] [crates falling]

[cannonball bouncing]

- This new boat is a regatta.

[crunching]

- Dad, the pirates, they're attacking us!

- I demand 100% compensation!

- Arg, tell him to get himself another ship.

There's plenty in the harbor!

- Steal instead of reimburse?

That's scandal!

- We can give you a few planks from the Black Hole

to patch up your boat.

- Oh no.

No landlubber's taking a splinter of my ship.

- You should charge them with assault, Mr. Winner.

I'm a witness.

- Do it, Dad. Then they'll go to prison!

- I'm sure you can come to some agreement.

- Hmm, pirates always have treasure buried somewhere.

- Treasure belongs to whoever digs it up!

- Very well. You tell your mommy and daddy

that if you haven't paid me back within 24 hours,

this land and everything under it belongs to me.

House and all.

- My parents have gone fishing, and your law--

- It stinks!

- Jim, perhaps there's a more peaceful solution?

? When Skipper Cup throws extras on the shore ?

[fish thuds]

[objects hitting ground]

[playful fiddle music]

[coins clinking]

[suspenseful music]

[snickering]

- Please, Mr. Winner.

If you could give them more time, it would be--

- No, no, no, no, no, no.

You had until today.

Sign over the deeds to your property.

[yells] [spits]

[surprised orchestra hit]

- Grandpa, you signed the contract! That's clever!

- Clever yourself. This aquarium bottomfeeder

didn't even know pirates sign with a spit.

- There you have it, son. This is home.

You can go and claim your room.

- Where do you think you are? At home?

[cannonball clanking] [laughing]

- Are you mad? Police!

[phone dialing]

[parrot squawking]

- There. It's fixed.

[melancholy guitar] [Jim seething]

- What's going on here?

- I'll explain everything!

[gasping]

- You can come to our house for a while

until you find a place to live.

- We can camp in the garden!

- That's really great.

We're even closer neighbors.

[grumbling] - Lugworms.

They're already burrowing--

[Jim yelling]

- Dad, there isn't any treasure here either.

Don't you think we should forget it?

- Never give up, never surrender, son.

Here we go.

[metallic clanging]

Ooh! There, what did I say?

[both chuckling]

[seagull squawking]

[dog barks]

- This is private property, you filthy mongrel!

[seagull squawking]

[yelling]

[poop falling]

[both laughing]

[bird tweeting]

- This will be in self-defense.

[yelping]

- No landlubber sets foot on the Black Hole

and gets away with it!

- Have a good day, darling! [coughing]

- Morning, missy Matilda!

It's real kind of your parents to quarter us like this.

[conspiratorial music]

[jeering]

[kicking] [ball smacks]

[poop falling]

- [laughs] Another hit, you old sea slug!

- I've got your bike. You're gonna be late.

[yelling]

Assault! Mockery!

- You sea scum.

Aren't you satisfied with destroying a yacht?

[jeering]

- That old albatross just gave me an idea.

[fists bumping]

[metal detector static] [humming]

[detector beeps]

- Mr. Winner?

If we do a really good repair job on your boat,

will that fix things, and can we have our house back?

- Go on, then. I'll give you a chance.

[laughing triumphantly]

[sawing]

[hammering]

[sanding]

[painting]

[sparkling] - Well, I must admit,

it's as good as new!

- Good! So now you just have to keep

your side of the bargain.

- What bargain?

Did we sign a contract?

No? Well, thank you, I'm going back to my house.

[speechless muttering]

- That busts my bilges.

[dog barking]

We have to tell Grandpa!

I want my home back, and we're boarding her!

[conspiratorial music]

[metal clanging]

[grunting with effort]

[alarm blares]

- Caught in the act!

- Attempted burglary. I'm a witness!

- Not at all!

Grandpa sometimes sleepwalks,

and we saw him going into their, well, your garden,

and we were just trying to bring him back.

- Winner, you gallowsbait!

I'll clap you in irons in the brig!

Once I get my ship back...

[knocking]

- Here. A petition signed by the whole neighborhood.

People have had enough of the crimes

committed by your leeches, I mean, your guests.

- And those fairground pirates don't even have any treasure.

- Was it treasure you were digging everywhere for?

You're the fairground pirates.

- Take my advice. Do as you must.

[militaristic drums]

- If that's how it is, we up-anchor!

First thing tomorrow!

- You're leaving? But you can't do that!

You don't even have a ship!

- Well, we'll just take the one we repaired for nothing!

Winner doesn't need it!

- Well, that would be theft. You'd become outlaws.

- We're pirates, aren't we? Yea or nay?

[slow acoustic guitar]

- This way, you'll always remember me.

I mean, all of us, of course.

- Here. I don't think I'll need this anymore.

[giggling]

- But that's the key to Grandpa's secret hiding place!

- Nugget, you're a genius!

Matilda, you have to help me

make one of those landlubber things.

Those papers that you sign, a contract! That's it.

[dog scratching and barking]

- Oh look, a key! Is it yours?

- Oh, why didn't we find that before?

But it's no use now, because the secret chest

is hidden in the Winners' house!

- What exactly is hidden in my house?

- Ah, nothing, just Grandpa's heirloom,

locked in a chest under the ship.

But forget it! It's, uh, boobytrapped.

- I knew it! Tell me where it is.

I need that key!

- Hang on! Things don't work like that under landlubber law.

The land might be yours, but the key belongs to Jim.

- That's right! What a shame.

You'll never get hold of that heirloom now.

- Oh, come now. We must be able to come to some arrangement.

- Okay, then I'm too nice. I'll give you the key.

You keep the chest, and in exchange,

I'll just keep the land and everything that's on it.

- This smells a bit fishy, Dad.

- This hovel and the wreck are nothing

compared to a pirate's treasure!

It's a deal!

[laughing triumphantly]

What? Is this all of it?

What sort of scam is this?

What do you expect me to do with this rubbish?

Where's the treasure?

- I said an heirloom, not a treasure.

That's the heirloom.

You signed, Mr. Winner, and now you have to

honor your side of the bargain.

We've got the paper!

[smack] - Ow!

- Mrs. Bevan, I need a witness.

I am the victim of a fraud!

- Did you sign this?

Then you're more stupid than I thought.

- Well, I guess it's time to move back home.

[yelling]

- Fish me outta here!

It's treasure you bury, not pirates!

You flounder fodder!

[jaunty theme music]

[whooshing]

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