Original subtitles

Louis, stay by the elevator. For the next couple hours, we own this floor.

Nobody comes, nobody goes. Eugene, check the hallways.

Then you swing by O'Hare, Iberia, Flight 764.

You pick up a Mr. Rolfe. You got it?

Go.

Okay.

You tell me.

I trust you. You trust them?

Good.

Yeah.

Oh, and Shelly...

For once in your life, do me a favor.

Don't clip your fingernails.

Mr. Felden?

Mr. Jones?

Come in.

You brought my gift. I did. May I see it, please? The briefcase is booby-trapped.

Wrong key. And we all meet for coffee in hell.

The 20 million?

I'm just the middleman here to make sure you're

not wasting Mr. Rolfe's time. And are we?

Well, these are the genuine article.

Won't the Treasury Department miss them? That's not your concern.

You're right.

Mr. Rolfe is.

Bedroom. Put the briefcase on the bed.

Pardon me?

Look, I set this deal up.

Rolf knows me. He doesn't know you. My ass is on the line. So, while we wait,

the briefcase stays on the bed, out in the open, safe and secure, okay?

I see. You don't trust me. Fine.

I tell you what. Why don't you check out the room for yourself?

Outside door? None.

Window? Sealed. No way in and no way out.

Your party, your rules.

Make yourself at home.

It's going to be quite a while.

And you, whatever you eat or drink comes out of your cup.

Off of 20 million bucks?

You guys are great.

Hey.

Where are you going?

To the bathroom.

Yeah, I got pink Pepto, I got Tagamet, Kaopectate. You know,

some people call it Montezuma's revenge, others a nervous stomach.

Whatever it is, I gotta go, okay?

Knock yourself out.

I'm seeing a flash. This guy's okay? Well, for Treasury Department weasels, Robin,

Uncle Sam, blind? Yeah, I guess so.

Be careful. Where's the fun in that?

Anybody want something to eat?

Factory, this is Jones. I'm in the air shaft with the currency plates.

I shot their man, took one in the chest.

I'm going into shock.

Mr. Jones, your partner's been shot. We're calling in backup.

Proceed as planned.

Get me Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

Looks like we're needed.

I'm Mr. Smith, but that's not my real name.

I'm Mrs. Smith, but that's not my real name either.

You see, we're spies.

But let's face it, this name thing, couldn't it get a little confusing?

People might think we're married.

That's okay.

Do you wanna dance?

Ten o'clock, the rendezvous takes place between the buyer, Mr. Rolfe,

and the seller, Ian Felton.

Every minute counts. Lives are at stake. So please,

commit this floor plan to memory.

We get in, we exchange the briefcase, and we get out. Basically, yes.

Basically.

You'll also need to rescue Mrs. Jones.

Mrs. Jones.

Her approximate position, as far as we can tell,

is probably nearer to the penthouse than to housekeeping. She was crawling back.

Back?

Mrs. Jones realized she couldn't complete her part of the mission,

so she opted to return the case to her partner

so he wouldn't be left holding the bag.

And the bag that Mr. Jones is holding, what's in that? Newspaper.

Chicago Sun-Times.

Early edition, I believe.

So if we don't exchange the case in time... And Mr. Rolfe

finds the classified, not the currency plates.

We'll be reading Mr. Jones' obituary, yes.

Oh, two more things. One, to avoid confusion,

there will be no interagent communication.

All radio traffic will be routed through me here at the factory.

And two, sir? Two?

This Eugene, the man who shot Mrs. Jones.

He needs to be vacuumed.

Where's the body?

Right here, in housekeeping, among the clean sheets and white towels, I suspect.

That could be a dead giveaway.

Sorry.

Yes. Well, the factory van is waiting for you. It'll

take you to the hotel. You can change in there.

Method of entry?

Room service.

It seems Mr. Jones has ordered a bit of lunch.

Do you do room service? Do fish blow bubbles?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where are you going?

Uh, Mr. Jones, the penthouse suite.

The only people up here. Oh, wait, wait, wait. You must be the bagel.

Uh, uh, excuse me.

I mean, the tuna melt.

Tuna melt.

There you go.

Shoestring potatoes, not steak fries, right?

Oh, thanks. Napkins?

Oh, yeah.

Excuse me.

Sorry.

I'm afraid I gotta go with.

Oh, okay.

Oh, you know what? I forgot the water pitcher. Oh, here. Don't worry about it.

I'll get it.

Thank you.

Sorry, friend. Double back for you later.

Triage.

Ten to the living first.

Gentlemen, sir, charges to your room.

Sure, why not?

I'll need your John Hancock right here.

Thank you, sir.

No, thank you.

Hey, wait a minute.

What about your friend, Eugene?

Right.

Eugene!

Hey, Gino!

Shell, it sounded like the elevator. He must have just left for the airport.

Uh, sir, if you want, I can just... Oh, no, no, it's no problem, sweetheart.

Thank you. Yeah, like you said, forget about it.

Let's just forget about it.

Yeah.

Either that or I need to work on my bladder control.

Easy, easy. That's it. Good. Yeah.

This Iberia flight our friend Rolf is coming on, it's got mechanical problems.

He switched airlines in Lisbon to Air France 506, arriving same time, same terminal.

Call Eugene on his cell phone in the car, give him the changes.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith, listen up.

Shelly is calling Eugene as we speak. Eugene has got a cell phone.

It's ringing.

Well?

He's not there.

Shel, hang up the phone and dial again.

Got a key to this room?

Huh?

No. Why?

Phone was ringing.

Phone? What phone?

You expecting a call?

Why would a phone be ringing in there?

Wrong number?

See, it stopped.

He's not answering.

Something's not right here.

Where's Lewis?

Look, I got another appointment with DeJohn. Hey,

you guys want to play phone tag? Be my guest.

What's going on?

What's in there?

Towels, linens, pillows. I heard a phone ringing in there.

It was probably a guest, you know, who wants more towels. Open it.

I can't. It's housekeeping. Oh.

Well, in that case, open it.

Hey, you know, if you want to get in there,

I can zip on down to the front desk and get you the key.

Yeah.

Why are you being so helpful, little lady?

I just thought you wouldn't want to slip a disc, you know? I didn't mean anything.

I mean, my boyfriend once put his back out.

Shelly, Shelly, Shelly, this is no way to treat a lady.

All right.

Do us a favor, dear. Go down, get the key.

But don't tell anybody about this, all right?

Need a hand, Bubba?

Jones?

Smith?

Thanks.

We're all on the same team, right? Yeah, right.

Listen, we better do this. They're gonna get back.

Yeah.

One, two...

Would you stop?

Didn't I tell you not to clip your fingernails?

I'm sorry. Forgive me for taking an interest in my personal hygiene.

It's rude to clip your fingernails in front of people.

Where were you raised, in a barn?

There's no barns in Brooklyn.

Our wounded bird, what's her status? Mrs. Jones, are you all right?

Oh, I'm peachy, just peachy.

In fact, two men are fighting over me as we speak. I better sign off.

Listen, I gotta get back, or, you know...

Don't kill me.

If you do go back, they might kill you.

Now's the chance we take.

I've got a bad feeling this time.

Well, that could be the bullet in your chest.

No, there's a knot in my stomach, too. I tell you, our timing's off.

I'm worried.

We have a mission to finish.

Or we could all leave right now.

You call. I'll see you at the hospital in less than an hour.

I like truffles, huh?

Dark chocolate. No way.

This, uh, train's about to leave the station. Got it?

No, wait. Wait.

Hang on there, Mrs. Jones.

What?

It's stuck.

Maybe you've got the wrong key.

How about I take a crack at it?

Maybe.

As you can see, sir, it's mostly... Where's the phone?

Phone?

The phone. The man said he had a phone ringing in here.

Well, it's not my department. It must be here somewhere.

What's that?

What's that?

The phone.

The phone.

Let's go.

Special delivery. Handle with care.

How are you, Mrs. Jones? Near death, but with a chipper disposition.

I'll have you patched up in no time.

You gotta hurry.

If Rolf catches Mr. Jones with that bogus briefcase... He won't, he won't.

Don't worry. You got her.

You got the case right?

Case?

I gotta go back.

You go.

I'll meet you at the van, as planned.

How are we getting out of here? I thought we'd take the elevator.

Sorry.

Can I take your plate? Oh, yeah, sure.

Is that an invitation to dance? Oh, I was just practicing for my cousin's wedding.

Tell you what.

I see you again.

Maybe next time we'll practice the foxtrot.

Bye.

You're as good as home, Mrs. Jones.

Hey, how about we have a drink, a little schnapps to relax? Would you stop?

What is this, happy hour?

I'm trying to run a business here.

Try Eugene again, please.

I got it.

Eugene, are you there? Gino!

I got a bad connection here. What's up? Our Mr. Roll's been bumped off Iberia.

He's on Air France 506.

Same time, different gate. Got it?

Call the switch to Air France. Yes, yes, I'm on top of it, Mr. Smith.

Eugene is scheduled to pick him up. The time now is 9.32. Get us that briefcase.

You have a way with ropes.

When nature calls, you answer.

You should see a doctor. Get that checked out.

It's a great weight loss program.

Shell, something is up. I can't put my finger on it, but something is definitely up.

Yeah, you don't trust this guy.

I don't trust anyone.

Look, I checked out this Rolf who's coming here. He's a major player, ruthless,

uncontrollable temper, plays for keeps.

Look, I don't want any screw-ups, any glitches, understand?

Yeah.

What about this guy? What's his name with the runs?

Jonesy.

If I'm not so sure about.

Mrs. Jones?

Uh, at the hospital, in surgery.

Good. She lost a lot of blood. Yeah.

Tight squeeze, huh?

Very tight.

Colleagues in danger, bodies in vents, currency plates switched.

Sounds like a real spy story.

Mr. and Mrs. Jones?

I heard them speaking in the air vent.

Yeah, me too.

Straight from the heart, no pretense.

No macho stuff about not needing each other. Real team. Yeah, real team.

They bend the rules, you know.

The factory rules, I mean.

Yeah, I noticed.

I guess it's because they...

They care a lot about each other.

Yeah, that happens when you've been partnered with somebody for a long time.

Look, even if we ever...

There's my sweet darlings.

People, your attention please.

People, we have precious little time. You have your assignments.

Here's the briefcase containing the currency plates. I want order. I want calm.

Do it.

Teamwork.

Fascinating, isn't it?

First, they've got to locate the booby trap and the triggering mechanism.

Second, they have to analyze the triggering mechanism.

Third, the spring-loaded plates which make up the lock must be separated. That way,

when the case is unlocked, the bomb will be triggered. And fourth,

they've got to find some damn fool with the guts to open the bloody thing.

Then, all that's left is to coat the counterfeit plates.

We've developed a unique solution that, within a month of printing,

will turn any of the counterfeit bills a bright yellow.

After that, whatever nation tries to counterfeit U.S.

currency will be brought before the world court.

Excuse me, Eugene, this is the way to the Drake Hotel, yes?

You see, I'm taking the Kennedy Expressway to the steams.

That way I figure we should reach Lakeshore Drive or... It's the long way, Eugene.

I am not unfamiliar with the state of Illinois or its many burial grounds.

Oh, Mr. Rolf, my hand to God.

So, you're in a rush, huh?

No one ever tells me nothing. Take the Kennedy to Ohio Street.

Go east toward the lake.

It will be faster.

More scenic.

Children, you have 20 minutes to get back to the hotel,

supplant this briefcase with the dummy one Mr. Jones has, and we're home free.

Any word for Mr. Big?

Ralph seems quite impatient. They're taking a shortcut. We better go.

Thanks.

Hey, I'm sorry, but is it my fault they got red lights?

Mr. Jones, Mr. Smith should be arriving at the bedroom vent in two minutes.

Nothing. You're looking at my cards.

Deal me out.

My stomach's doing backflips again. Now look what you've done.

Hey, Jonesy, you in or out? Do you mind I'm busy in here?

Poker. I'm letting Ian win.

Oh, come on, man.

No, seriously.

I wanted to put the briefcase on the bed.

Now you tell me that I could have hung it from the ceiling for all you care. Why?

That briefcase with the plates.

The lock is rigged with C4.

Anybody tries to open that without his special key, they're blood sausage.

Oh, really now? Yeah, really now.

What if, say, somebody managed to bypass your

little sausage maker? We'd know that, too.

How so?

I had a backup alarm installed.

It looks like a microchip.

But it sounds like a foghorn. So somebody bypasses the bomb.

That alarm lets us know 20 minutes after that case has been reclosed.

Why would you do that?

Why, Mr. Jones? Isn't it obvious?

We don't trust you.

Mr. Smith.

Mr. Smith.

Yeah?

The briefcase. It's got a backup system. 20 minutes after it's open and shut,

an alarm goes off. Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

You gotta go back, open the damn thing, defuse its alarm, and... How much time?

10 minutes, maybe.

I'm on it.

Got a smoke?

Sorry.

I'm out.

Damn.

I could really use a smoke.

Who are you talking to?

Vent Dweller.

Well, tell the nice vent dweller you're busy and move your ass.

The alarm on the case goes off in nine minutes.

I know when the alarm goes off.

I see how fast you move your scrawny ass. If you had to dance, just tell me.

Mr. Smith.

What's happening? What's going on?

I'm coming in.

Hello, you're coming in. Would you mind bringing me some tools to open the case?

I'm on my way.

It's a little early for Rolf.

See who it is.

Yeah?

Lady says she's here to turn down the bed.

It won't be necessary. We're not planning on it.

You know...

On second thought, this place could use a little straightening up.

Come on in.

We got some dirty dishes, but take a look in the bathroom, okay?

We can use some fresh towels in there.

There's no reason a place has to look like a

sty when Rolf gets here. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Where do you think you're going with that?

Out here.

I'm not leaving this alone in there if she's going in there.

Yeah, but I thought we all agreed that the briefcase

stays on the bed until Rolf gets here.

Relax, Mr. Jones. There's no harm in having

a case where we can all keep an eye on it.

Mr. Rolf will be here soon.

Spanish housekeeper, huh? I was kind of hoping for the French maid.

Sorry, she had the night off. Maybe next time.

I'll hold you to that.

Got my tools?

How long goes off to be five?

That's plenty of time, providing...

The bomb doesn't have a backup switch as well.

Where are you going?

The bathroom.

To water the porcelain.

As if it's any of your business. Woman's cleaning in there.

I'll try not to dribble.

Ah, lo siento. Estoy todavía limpiando. Later, sir.

I don't think so, Chiquita, not unless you want to have another mess to clean up.

Me, toilet, make aqua, you, vamos, come on.

Si, lo espero ahí.

I want to call Eugene again. I want to know how close he is with Rolf.

It's ringing.

I doubt it's for me anyway.

This could be hard to explain.

The alarm goes off in less than two minutes.

It's Ian. You gotta answer it.

Yeah.

What took you so long? I had my hands full of traffic, sir.

How close are you?

Just a little bit away, a couple blocks, coming up Michigan Avenue, not too far.

Good, good. Put Mr. Rolfe on.

Just a minute.

Rolfe.

Yeah, hang on just a minute, sir.

45 seconds.

Put him on hold. We'll patch it through to the factory.

They'll put it through to the car. Put Rolf on right away.

Yeah?

Sure. Can you pick up? Mr. Ian wants to speak with you.

Mrs. Rolf?

No, nothing out of the ordinary.

In a few minutes, I can see the hotel now. Ten seconds.

Two chips. One could either set off the alarm, or it could be the alarm.

Less than five seconds. Pick one.

Three... Two...

Yeah, slow down, slow down. You've got no idea what she's jabbering about.

I think she's saying that he slipped on her wet floor. She wants to call a doctor.

No, doctor. Now, come on, out, out, out, out, out.

All right, let's put him on the bed.

Here we go. Damn it.

Sorry. You got to admit, though, he's a clumsy idiot.

Don't worry about our friend in there. We'll take care of him.

Just get your things and go.

Si, gracias.

What do we do now?

Abort?

Are you kidding?

The fun's just starting.

Miss Eugene, didn't he come up with you?

The driver? Yeah.

No, he said he would wait in the car,

take me back to the airport when we're done here.

Mr. Rolf, good to see you. Can I get you a drink?

No, thank you.

But I would like to see my plates.

You do have them, don't you?

Of course.

And the, uh, 20 million?

Abort? He actually asked if we should abort? Abort, his word exactly.

But we're in sudden death overtime here.

I know, backs to the wall. Decks to act against us. Do or die.

Doesn't get any better than this.

There, I've shown you mine. Now let's see yours.

Mr. Jones?

Say, you know what?

This would be a great time for a toast, don't you think? The toast can wait, Mr.

Jones. I've gone to a lot of trouble to get them engravings,

so let's show them to him.

Now.

Hey, all you had to do was ask.

I take the dish and then I go.

No, that won't be necessary. Really, really.

Put them down, put them back where they were and leave.

They will take care of it later, okay? Mass tardy.

Good night.

I think about it, and yeah, it makes sense.

Mr. Rolfe, shall I see you down to your car?

If you wish. A pleasure doing business. Likewise.

Hey, room's paid for.

Enjoy yourself.

Oh, and tell Sleeping Beauty in there I said bye-bye.

Hey. Hello.

Surprise.

Edward, you got it. Mr. Wolfson.

I could kiss you both.

Come here.

Hi.

Thanks, man.

And you, you were great.

You were.

So, Ian and his men get what they deserve.

Yeah, and Raul flies back home.

Where his bogus counterfeit currency will embarrass him on the international stage.

Listen, any word on Mrs. Jones? Oh, sorry, the

hospital called. She's going to be okay.

They also said to tell you she's expecting you at 8 a.m.

sharp when visiting hours start.

But something tells me we can probably sneak you in.

What do you think, air shaft?

Food cart? Bedpans?

Oh, come on, what are we waiting for?

2.20 this afternoon, Richie Bonneau leads the Wide World of Sports commentary

team with live coverage of Australia versus Sri Lanka from the Adelaide Oval.

Coming up next, The Late Show with David Letterman.