Original subtitles

Not exactly the kind of neighborhood where

you'd expect to find a future space truck.

I don't know. Industrial law of space is kind of bohemian.

Perfect for dreamers, rocket scientists, or artistes.

I wonder what it looks like.

The first affordable spacecraft. This could be the Model T of space travel.

That or somebody's pipe dream.

First laser-launched rocket, the dawn of a new era.

Yeah, I wouldn't go booking your space flight yet. It hasn't been tested yet.

Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, can you believe?

After all the searching, delight, space, it is perfection.

Piero Savantio will work in America after all.

Oh, Piero, isn't it lovely?

Mm-hmm.

How'd you get in here?

That door was bolted from the inside. I threw the bolt myself.

No. No. No.

What is this?

Hey, wait, Sculptor. What are you? Perhaps it is you.

You have the face of a Sculptor.

Let us see.

Look.

Twinkler.

What does she think she's doing? She thinks photography is an art. Oh, yeah?

I said stop taking pictures. What do you do? Keep your filthy mitts off me. Go over.

We're nothing. We are merely artists.

Artisan?

What kind of artisan?

And this, this, this is Twinka.

We saw your sign.

Yeah?

Well, you've come to the wrong place.

Oh, blimey.

I'm Mr. Smith, but that's not my real name.

I'm Mrs. Smith, but that's not my real name either. You see, we're spies.

But let's face it, this name thing, couldn't it get a little confusing?

People might think we're married.

That's okay.

As long as you don't.

Do you wanna dance?

Who do these people think they are, shoving guns in our faces?

No bugs, I guess we can speak freely.

Have we ever?

I hate this part. Getting caught? What's the price of doing business?

For you, maybe.

Your passport's a check-out.

But you ought to be more careful where you two barge in.

I'm sorry, sir.

But the door, it was wide open. And in Italy, an open door is like an invitation.

Well, let me give you a little tip.

This is America.

We take our private property very seriously around here.

Ben, you, signore, look like a cultured man.

You do.

You should think about displaying that wonderful piece downstairs.

It is a crime to keep it obscured by such a soiled tarp.

Come, swing it.

Not just yet.

Schoolsy?

Your little girlfriend's camera.

Let me see it.

No, not my camera.

You bloody team.

I don't want your camera, honey.

But this film is mine.

No, my film. What have you done?

How dare you?

I will call our consulate.

You do that, and it'll be the last call you make, Mr. Salvaggio.

Capiche?

Now you get your tutti-frutti behinds out of here.

Got him?

Living color.

Confirmation of theft.

Mission accomplished.

One fully constructed beam rider.

Why is it called a beam rider again?

Because it rides on laser beams.

Nice knowing you, love.

There it is.

Beautiful.

I did do a good job, didn't I?

I meant the beam rider.

Looks like a flying saucer.

It could be a flying saucer.

Maybe. Let's find out who our thief is.

Match anybody in our database?

Let's see. Searching...

What do we have?

NASA subcontractor. Like our client. Solid military background. Like our client.

Retired a major. Yeah, but just look at these criminal prosecutions. Tax evasion,

big time, counterfeit parts. This guy's got a real double life going.

Yeah, but no convictions.

Of course not.

Better inform the client.

Good news, bad news. Good news is we found your flying saucer, sir.

Bad news is your son has hooked up with a crook.

You want to tell him?

The colonel? No.

Neither do I, Piero.

Elias Stone, that crooked S.O.B.

My boys tangled up with him? We didn't see your son at the site, Mr. Thompson.

Colonel!

But the beam rider was there.

Well, if it was, it was my son who built it. He's the only one who knows how.

I can't believe it.

I just can't believe it, my own flesh and blood.

Then he'd steal from you? Steal it, Craig?

My boy's a rocket scientist, not a thief.

It broke his heart when NASA pulled the plug on the funding.

But what do you think I was going to do?

I'd already spent $30 million on my own company's R&D.

That's his trouble.

It came too easy.

Yeah, it's my fault. I handed him everything on a silver platter.

Colonel, just curious, but why did NASA pull the plug on the beam rider?

Because it won't work. That's why.

Laser launch rocket right behind.

Those lasers would pull enough power to brown out everybody west of the Mississippi.

And if it did launch, which I doubt, it'd leave the pad at 30 Gs.

Put your brains in your butt with that kind of force.

Crush every bone in your body.

On my big ride, maiden voyage of the shuttle Enterprise, I was an astronaut,

as you no doubt know. We lifted off the pad at 11 G's,

and that was about enough to pull the teeth right out of your head.

Elias Stone apparently thinks it's good for something.

Elias Stone?

Don't get me started on that subject.

There's some colas in the fridge there. Help yourself.

I gotta get it ready for my shower.

Man doesn't mince words, does he?

Why do I find myself sympathizing with his son?

I don't know. Why would you?

You didn't find the colonel was lacking a certain parental kindness?

Parental kindness?

Yeah, you know.

Yeah.

Sure, right.

I just can't believe the boy would go over to the enemy.

I bet he's getting a big kick out of this, too.

Your son? Elias Stone.

Man's been jealous ever since Fort Hood when I got promoted

to full bird and he was still wearing Oakleys.

But now he's got my son hooked up in one of his shenanigans.

We're very sorry, sir.

But the good news is you can get the beam rider back.

Here's the documentation on its exact location.

Good luck, Colonel.

Where are you two going? Our assignment was only to locate the prototype.

Now it's a matter for the authorities.

I don't want the police in this.

My son might be lumped in with that no-good stone.

So what would you like us to do?

Get the damn thing back.

I don't care if it doesn't work. I paid for it. It's mine.

I want my son back.

Well, what if he doesn't want to come back? You get the beam rider,

like I told you, the boy is sure to follow. I mean, he's in love with it.

Boy, when it rains, it pours.

Keep in touch.

Secretary will validate your parking on the way out.

I got the gas mask. You got the gas?

Two canisters.

Locked and loaded.

All the stone, five guards, maybe rocket scientists. Nighty-night, boys.

It'll give us 20 minutes to get the beam line around.

The switch to the organ dock is where?

Right, and the semi goes here.

Right. All this for one bullet to get back his kid that he pushed away.

Maybe he just wants to make peace with his son.

No, no, no. He doesn't care about his son. It's all

ego with these guys. Well, look what you got.

Mr. Big, the colonel's medical records.

Prostate cancer.

Spread to the ectoskeleton.

Inoperable.

The colonel's terminal. They give him six months to live.

That's what he meant.

By what?

On a range of course.

He just wants to get his son back before it's too late.

Maybe we should get started then.

Anybody ever tell you you get kind of a flush before an assault?

What kind of assault? Anyone ever tell you you look kind of sexy in black?

Where'd they go?

Wanna bet they didn't leave a forwarding address?

99 bottles of beer on the wall. 99 bottles of beer.

You take one down and pass it around. 98 bottles of beer on the wall.

97 bottles of beer on the wall. 97 bottles of beer.

You take one down and pass it around. 96 bottles of beer on the wall.

Come on!

I can't take it anymore. What?

I can't do another hundred, all right? There

are no bottles of beer on the wall, okay?

Well, it's a big desert, and you don't want to talk. I'm thinking, all right?

What's there to think about?

How about why a guy like Stone would want a spaceship in the first place?

Simple.

If it were bow and arrow, would he hunt for food or kill an enemy?

Exactly what I was thinking.

Thank you. Which is why we better find him before he decides to take aim.

Well, he's out here somewhere.

His cell phone records show he's been making calls

from Southern Nevada's microwave switching station,

and there's plenty of the requisite high-voltage

power lines out here from the Hoover Dam,

plus restricted air space.

The perfect locale if you want to keep the beam rider launch secret.

Great, so we've narrowed it down to 250,000 square

miles of rattlesnakes, scorpions, and sand.

We're also in alien territory. Alien territory? Yeah.

Area 51, it's right up this road.

Uh-huh.

What, little green man?

Give me that.

Mitzi's eat, drink, gas.

When in doubt.

What, eat chicken fried steak?

Get to know the locals.

This is the only anything in 100 miles.

Anybody hangs out anywhere has got to be here.

Got your camera?

Right here.

You two folks lost or just thirsty?

Sure enough, I'm around here. Pull up some flour. What can I get for you?

An iced dolie. Tell you what, make it a double.

I'll make that two. Pop off two?

Sure.

Hard day, huh?

Disaster. We drove all the way across the country.

We planned this trip for two years, but we can't see anything from the road.

Oh, sounds like you're up at Area 51 looking for frozen aliens, huh?

You know, we got one in the freezer. You want to see it? Right, boys?

Yeah, you laugh all you want, but it is well-documented.

This is one of the nine known alien landing sites on the planet.

Yeah, well, you don't have to tell me that. Historical fact. 1949,

UFO crashed in the desert surrounding Roswell, New Mexico.

Aliens and their ship were secreted at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base

and then moved to Area 51 in the late 80s.

And we came all this way to see the spaceship,

and there we are looking through the fence, and they rudely hustled us away.

Well, you know, if you folks are looking for spaceships,

you don't have to go to Area 51 for that.

Really? Yeah, Mitzi, introduce him to the hippie.

He's building a spaceship, isn't he? Who?

Who?

Oh, well, we call him the professor.

Craig, somebody. Well, that's what he says he does. But, you know,

we got all types of folks around here building spaceships. They're building them,

and they're seeing them, and they're flying in them.

You know what I mean?

Do you know where we could find him? Do you think he'd show it to us?

Well, he just started coming in here a couple of weeks ago.

Now, he sits right over there at that table, like clockwork, every morning.

He has Cheerios and 2% milk.

Now, he seems like a nice enough guy. He might.

Spacecraft, honey.

This vacation may not be a bust after all, honey. A to B, B to satellite.

A blink.

Did you see that shower?

Maid service must acquit.

Thirty years ago.

We're lucky to get a room.

I don't know, sleeping in the desert's not so bad. The stars above your head.

Snakes and scorpions by your side. Okay,

let's see if the factory mainframe recognizes any of our folks at Mitzi's.

Need to get a load of the stats on Craig Thompson.

Looks like the Colonel's kid is a real rocket scientist. Guess what his IQ is?

Miss Mincy did a little time for check-kiting in Yuma.

180 IQ.

That's not so high. I mean, you must have at least a what?

Yeah, yeah, of course.

You must, too. Sure.

Mitzi, Mitzi, Mitzi. Married five times.

Caltech, MIT. Intern at Goddard Space Center.

Old guy in the corner's not in the database. No criminal record there.

Chess club.

And the pool player is clean.

Numismatic club president.

French horn. Yahoo! We got a real rebel here.

Look what we have here.

What?

Our solitary drinker and license plate writer downer.

Gene Sharp.

Mm-hmm. Indiana criminal courts. Conspiracy to obtain explosives.

Friend of our Mr. Stone.

Gotta wonder what a Hoosier's doing so far from home.

Yeah, you do, don't you?

I don't know, I forgot.

Yeah?

I'll just get up early.

Got a job to do.

Night.

Oh, night.

The Colonel's son, tomorrow morning, Cheerios

at Mitzi's. Cheerios at Mitzi's? Mm-hmm.

Hey, you really think the colonel should have given his

kid all the money he wanted to build the beam rider? I didn't say that.

Did I say that?

You said Colonel Budd lacked a certain parental kindness.

And you don't think so?

He didn't turn Craig into the cops.

I guess that was real fatherly of him.

All right, so what? What then?

He's hard on the kid, that's all.

I mean, he gives him everything that he never had and then resents him for it.

Push, pull, pull, push.

The kid's in a no-win situation, that's all.

It was still...

You'd think even a hard-ass father's better than no father at all.

Yeah.

Excuse us.

You must be Greg. Do you mind if we join you? I'm Mark,

and this is my wife. Get a chair, honey.

This is my wife, Jen. We're the Smiths from Providence, Rhode Island.

Nipsey behind the bar told us that you were building a spacecraft.

Well, I'm not. You're not?

She said that you were.

Well, it isn't true.

Oh, believe me, we understand. We run into this all the time.

Yes, we're not scientists like you.

Just people with a deep and abiding passion about outer space.

I'm sorry, I'm really not supposed to talk about this.

Oh, we're just so privileged to meet you.

You see, Jen and I believe that someday mankind

will live in space, will work in space.

The future of mankind depends upon it.

If we can find a better, more affordable way to get there.

Exactly.

Is that what you're building?

I haven't tested it yet, but soon.

It's so elegant in its simplicity if people would just listen.

We're listening.

But you don't need fuel.

You're in orbit for free. Well, almost free. $100,000 per launch,

as opposed to the hundreds of millions of dollars we now spend.

And you open up a whole new frontier.

Like the railroads open up the old west.

Because the first step is the hardest. Once you're in the Earth's orbit,

you're halfway to anywhere.

Can we see it?

Look, I'm really busy here. I'm trying to get my breakfast.

It's nice to meet you people. Have a safe trip, okay?

Professor.

New friends. They're just UFO enthusiasts is all. Isn't that right?

We were just talking very generally about propulsion systems.

My name's Mark. This is my wife, Jen. We're the Smiths from Providence,

Rhode Island. Are you folks enthusiasts too?

You might say that.

Do I know you?

Not unless you've been to Providence, Rhode Island.

This is our first trip to Area 51, and we are just thrilled.

We've been out in the desert all morning with

our eyes on the sky, haven't we, Pookums?

In fact, we should get back out there, Pookums.

You know, we should investigate that interesting

crater burn we've read so much about.

Nice meeting you.

Hookums?

Hookums, Snookums, something like that.

I don't believe they're UFO enthusiasts for a second.

Professor's covering something. One way to find out. Yeah, let's go.

Don't tell me.

What?

Well, it's our good fortune.

Guess who?

No way a Humvee's gonna outrun us.

Look out! So much for our good fortune.

That cheesy bus is gonna be a bumpy ride.

You think I don't know that? I'm trying to go faster. Look out!

You wanna drive?

Okay, okay.

You can drive. Say what?

Okay, you can drive. You can really drive.

One problem, though.

We lost them, but we lost Craig Thompson and the beam rider, too.

While you were ordering breakfast, I put a trace on Craig's beetle.

Well?

Looks like Craig's heading north.

And what else?

You can spy.

I count about a hundred of them.

I'll take 50, you take 50.

Piece of cake.

Still gotta get past the gates.

We'll get past the gates.

And soon.

You really think this is gonna work?

It's worked before, believe me.

Look, I'm not suggesting that you don't pose a striking image,

but this isn't the movies.

And you're not Clark Gable, ye of little faith.

All I'm saying is that Stone's men are focused, okay? They're not easily distracted.

We'll see. Men are men.

Hey, little lady, car trouble? Got anything else you need fixing? Yeah,

we got just the tools you need. I'll bet you do, boy.

Hey, what's going on? We'll get your truck back later. Thanks.

Mess off, fly.

There you go. Have a nice day.

Thank you.

Have a good one.

Sometimes the old ideas from movies work.

You got any new ones? Duck! Right and true. Ducking.

Hardly groundbreaking, but... I'm just an old-fashioned gal, I guess.

I thought you were just a cold techno-type. Well...

I want a close shave this time, Barbara. It's going to

be one long night tonight. Boss. Good news, I hope.

Yeah, everything's going right on schedule for the Beam Rider launch. 2 a.m. sharp.

Yes!

Step one to the top rung of the Forbes 100 richest people.

I'll be lighting cigars with $100 bills.

We'll get this first stone ship, formerly known as Beam Rider,

off the pad and up in space. This planet will belong to us.

We can aim a weapon anywhere, and there's nobody that can stop us.

Because if we come in too fast, from too high,

it'd be too invisible. Hello, Fort Knox.

Hello, Mr. President.

Elias Stone here.

You know, the one who didn't make Astronaut.

Listen, I'd like all the non-negotiable Chase Manhattan bearer bonds.

No?

Then how about I blow the tip of Manhattan off?

Boss, that's good. That's good, yeah. Yeah, get back to work.

There's plenty to be done before countdown commences. Oh, Mr. Stone,

what about Professor? We were going to talk

about what to do with him after the launch.

We'll have all the data in the instrument panel

after the launch. The schematics, the ship. So?

So, I think we ought to send little Craigie back

home to his true blue American Colonel Daddy.

Send him back to his father?

Mm-hmm.

That's right.

In a pine box.

Craig, almost done. I'm just checking the seal.

Craig, we need to talk to you now. You?

What are you doing here? Keep your voice down.

You're in danger.

Danger?

How much do you know about Elias Stone?

Elias?

Who are you? What do you want?

We want you to hear the truth.

Elias Stone is not your friend. He does not share your dream. He's using you.

What are you, nuts?

He and I are starting a business together. We're going to privatize space travel,

make it available for everyone. Only you won't be along for the ride.

He's a terrorist, Craig, and as soon as the beam riders launch, you're dead.

Security! Shh!

They're taking a little nap.

Get your head out of the clouds, Craig.

Elias Stone doesn't care about you or mankind. We heard him.

After the launch, his plan is to send you back to your father.

My father?

You work for him, don't you?

I should have guessed it.

Elias said he'd pull something like this. Well,

you just tell my father for me that we didn't steal anything from him.

This beam rider is mine. My idea, my work, my life.

Your father doesn't want the beam rider. He wants you.

Yeah, right.

So he'll keep me on his chain and yank it.

Your father isn't well, Craig.

The doctors give him less than a year to live.

Who told you that?

I can't believe he'd stoop so low.

He didn't tell us.

Then why should I believe you?

Who did tell you? The aliens from the UFOs you've been looking for?

You better get out of here while you can. I'm not going anywhere.

And neither are the two of you. Deja vu.

All over again. My father sent them for the beam rider.

He would believe some of the stuff he told them.

But I tell you, buddy, the old colonel let the future slip through his fingers.

Now he wants to horn in on the glory.

Craig, don't listen to a word this guy says.

All your father wants is to see you again.

Why don't you pick on somebody your own size? Well, that was a little extreme,

wasn't it? Are they okay? Just get on over to the launch site.

You let us worry about these two pains in the butt.

Where to? Corey?

I got a better idea.

Ugh, we have to stop meeting like this.

Cute.

Ow, my head. Don't try and rub it. Your hands are handcuffed behind your back.

Getting kinky, aren't we?

In your dreams.

I'm handcuffed too.

Oh, don't tell me.

Let me guess.

Only slightly bigger than a bread box.

We're inside the beam rider, aren't we? Afraid so.

Elias Stone is going to launch us? He's going to try. We're on the launch pad?

Let's hope not.

We have until 2 a.m.

Yeah, whenever that is.

Blast.

Hang it up, hang it up, keep it coming, keep it coming.

That's it, keep it coming, roll!

Did you quit swarming? I'm just trying to get us out of this, that's all.

It doesn't look good, does it?

I have some bad news.

Besides the fact that we're T-minus, who knows how many minutes till blast-off?

They took my banaca.

Your breath is okay.

I need my metal-eating spray. They took my lock, pick, belt, even my bobby pin.

It's all right. No, no, it's not all right.

And there's another thing. I'm trying to tell you that you don't have to worry.

Can I just finish my arms, please? I'm trying to be nice here.

I just want to say, if we don't get out of this, you've been a really good partner.

Really?

All that stuff I said about partners.

I was just trying to prove I didn't need anybody because I never had anybody.

Well, that's very, very... Sorry, I didn't do anything.

I can't help it. We're jammed in here like sardines.

Your hand is free. Let's get out of this place.

Dislocate my thumb.

Football injury.

Wait.

You knew you could do that, and you let me babble on?

Dislocate your thumb for you, madam.

Just open the hatch and get me out of here, please.

Come on, this way.

This is it, Professor. The moment we've been waiting for.

At the launch of Team Rider One.

Stone shit.

Hey, Stone, they're gone. They've escaped. They got away?

That's impossible. Let me see.

Who's gone?

We'll find them! Who?

Who was in there? You put somebody in the beam rider?

What's the matter with you? Get him away from here.

Get this whiny little nitty over to life control. You could have killed them.

Are you crazy, Elias? You daydreaming little fool.

You think I put up this money for a pipe dream?

You're stupider than I thought, Professor.

Oh, my God.

They were right.

The professor needs an escort. You'll do as you're

told. Hey, fan out. I want those two found.

Fan out! Fan out!

I'm probably calibrating the lasers on low power.

That was low power.

Excuse me.

Oh, you want his keys for your handcuffs? Duh.

You were left sweeter with your hands locked behind your back.

You're lucky you're on my side. Looks like they're getting close to liftoff.

Moment of truth for the beam rider and for Craig.

T-minus 30 and out. Fuck!

10, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.

Laser full power.

Go, you mother- Go!

It does work.

Bye-bye, Professor. I got him.

Thanks.

Gotta go get Craig.

We gotta get out of here. It worked. Did you see it? It worked.

What happened?

I just needed to know it worked.

That's all. You blew it up.

And all the data, too.

Couldn't very well let these people have it, could I?

You are your father's son.

Well, maybe the world's not ready for it, either.

Nice.

We have to locate Mr. Stone now. This is getting personal.

Don't worry about Stone.

Why? Where is he? You mean, where was he? It's the wrong place at the wrong time.

Come on.

He had a little problem with the laser beam.

I'm afraid he got vaporized. It's very strange.

It's kind of like he jumped into the beam.

Sir.

Colonel Thompson?

You have a visitor.

Hi, Dad.

Son?

Good to have you back.

It's good to be back, sir.

No, I mean it, I do. Thanks.

Now, they told me you did a hell of a job out

there. I just did what I had to do, sir.

What I always tell you, believe in yourself first, listen to others second.

So you're not mad?

You made a tough field decision. I'm proud of you.

But she really flew, huh?

She sure did, sir. 500,000 pounds of thrust in

the first 10 seconds. Really? You're kidding.

We were well on our way to escape velocity.

Colonel, are we all squared away here?

That's affirmative.

And thanks.

Yeah, thanks. Thanks for everything.

Well, the girl will validate your parking on the way out.

So what do you think will happen to the beam rider?

Depends if they ever get that G-Force problem licked.

Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.

Then there's the matter of who's going to come up with the

$20 billion to make the money-saving technology work.

$20 billion? No one ever mentioned that.

What?

Nothing. It's nice, you know, the two of them.

Wait a second. Are you having a feeling?

Oh, and you're Mr. Hard as Nails?

I saw the look on your face when that beam rider went up.

I'll bet you the most expensive lunch that you can eat that you used

to build model rockets and stayed up late to watch moon landings.

Don't tell me about the rules. I don't want to hear about the rules.

Okay.

You win this bet.

The next time we're in Paris, La Place de Vogue, L'Amboise,

they make a killer, Tarine de Pogua.

I thought you hated women. Uh-oh.

You know too much now. I'm going to have to kill you.