All language subtitles for Mr. & Mrs. Smith - S01E08 - The Kidnapping Episode

What's my little honey
doing? Oh, hi, good. Great,

I'm gonna have one of your
double day. Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh.

You made him for the party.

I didn't make him for you,
Randy. You're cholesterol, remember?

Oh, you watch me like a hawk.

No, I don't.

Say, Mr. Collins, how about a double day?

Uh, no, sir. I'm saving
my fat grams for the ribs.

Well, there's a reasonable fella. Yeah.

Now, this is my wife, Amy. This
is Jack Collins. He's the new VP.

Strategic planning starts on Monday.

Oh. Ma'am?

Welcome to Pitzer
Pharmaceuticals, Mr. Collins. Hey, you know,

I think I was just talking to a gal who's
going to be your secretary. There she is.

Tammy?

Tammy, come on over here. She's just
dying to meet you. Tammy, meet your new boss.

Uh, hello, sir.

Personnel says I have to
pass muster with him first.

I'm sure we'll get along just fine.

Hey, you never know.

I was Mr. Pitzer's secretary for 15 years.

Found ourselves both single
again, and well, the rest is history.

She loves to tell that story.

You two look like you make a good team.

Why don't you pair up for
the three-legged race, huh?

Oh, Randy, Randy, I
need you to get me some

more ice for the lemonade stand, will you?

She doesn't know, does she?

He didn't want to tell her.

Doesn't trust you?

Didn't want to worry her.

Still.

What still?

She's his wife.

Which is why he doesn't want to worry her.

You can understand that.

Keeping something from someone?

Yeah.

Hey, Donna, say hi. Oh, say hello
to your folks for me, will you?

Come on, focus. We're
losing a 10-year-old here.

What was that?

What?

What was what? What are you talking about?

That!

That chick's on the roof.

Somebody's on our tail. Get rid of them.

Hold on.

Hang on.

Thanks a lot.

Base?

Yeah, this is a picnic.

Looks like rain.

We're coming in.

I'm Mr. Smith, but
that's not my real name.

I'm Mrs. Smith, but that's
not my real name either.

You see, we're spies. But
let's face it, this name thing,

couldn't it get a little confusing?

People might think we're married.

As long as you die.

That's okay.

Do you wanna die?

This is great.

We lost the company president.
If the man needed a bodyguard,

why didn't he hire a personal
protection service? Industrial sabotage, right?

That's why he invited us to the
company picnic, meet the people,

establish our covers, blend in.

Now what do we have in our hands?

A kidnapping. I just
hate kidnappings. Yeah.

You know what I hate?

Waiting for the phone calls. I
hate waiting for the phone calls.

Then they call, right? And what are you
going to do? They're holding the trump card.

Someone's lover.

Yeah, usually.

That's why I hate
kidnappings. Messy, unpredictable.

And even after you jump through their
hoops and give them everything they want,

they still end up whacking the guy.

That's not true.

Sure, they whack the guy. Because who
needs witnesses, right? Why leave a trail?

Well, they don't always kill them.

All right.

All right, they don't always kill them.

That's right.

I came, I saw, I conquered.

Just most of the time.

Amy Pitzer doesn't have to know that.
There's a far, far better thing I do, etc.,

Oh, really? Because that was the
first thing I was going to say. Faggoty.

You'll never see that husband again.

I'm just saying we should give his poor
wife all the hope and support we can.

You got that right.

Anything?

The plates on the Suburban were
counterfeit. And the skid marks?

Um, good. You're at 60 radials.

Only two million of those
made every year. That was dumb.

My husband hired you to
look into drug tampering

and a fire at Pitzer Pharmaceuticals,

and now he's been kidnapped?

I'll let him know you're here.

Yes, well, we already had
two of our finest operatives

in place. Send them in, would you?

As a matter of fact, you
have met them both before.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith, this
is Mrs. Randolph-Pitzer.

You?

And you?

You're not really his secretary?

That was our cover, Mrs. Pitzer.

Oh, no, no, no.

This is impossible. This is just
crazy. Everybody loves my husband.

You made him. He is just the sweetest,
most generous person who ever lived.

He is a pillar in this community.

We're very sorry, Mrs. Pitzer.

Thank you, honey.

No.

No, there's no need for sorry.

It's going to be all right.

We're just going to give them
what they want, whatever it is.

Money, Gulfstream, we're
going to give it to them.

Would you like a glass of water?

No, I'm fine, thank you.

We're going to give them
anything they want, whatever it takes.

And they're going to give us back Randy.

And that's just the way it's going to be.

That's the spirit, Mrs. Pitzer.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith, why don't you
acclimate our new client? Yes, sir.

This is our
communications center, Mrs. Pitzer.

Well, it looks very nice and efficient,

but I really have to get home in
case they call. Oh, Mrs. Pitzer.

Amy.

Amy.

We've already routed the
phone lines from your husband's

business and your home
phone into our offices.

So that we can trace and record the call.

You have? Yes.

You mean I'm not going home?

We have a place for you to stay here.

Here we are.

We have a chair just like that in our den.

Really?

What about the dogs?

And the newspapers? We can't have
them piling up in front of the house.

It's all been taken care of.

Oh.

What's that? The phone?

Everybody on the stage, we're
not going to antagonize them.

We'll do exactly what they
say. Just keep them talking.

Keep them on the line as long as possible.

Three.

Two, one.

Hello?

Listen to me very carefully.

I have your husband, and if
you'd like to see him again,

you'll do exactly as I say. New York.

Tell me what you want.

Just London. Just tell me what you want.

And I said listen.

Exactly as I say.

Is Randy all right?

Where is he?

No police.

No press.

No kidding.

Munich.

Can I talk to him?

Would you put him on?

Were they looking for this call around
the world? I'm only going to say this once.

The formula for Pitzer's
Bright Work Research Project.

Manila. Manila.

Didn't I tell you to shut up?

Anyway, time's up.

Lost. Damn it.

He hit him.

What'd he do that for? The man's tied up.

It's okay.

It's okay. Everything's
going to be all right.

We're going to get him, Amy.

Is that our ransom? The Breitbart papers.

And who are those two? The paper boys?

Some paper boys.

I'm Miss Graves.

Thank you.

Thank you, that'll be all.

Mr. Smith, this is the dossier you
requested on the Brightwork researchers.

And this is the Brightwork formula itself.

Now, I had the lab install a homing device

in the cover so we could keep track of it.

Oh, and I did ask for a visual aid.

Oh, yes, here we are.

The Pitzer background is
sketching on just what bright work was.

Yeah, or why it was canceled. Well,

let me try to explain it to you as
Pitzer's chief scientist explained it to me.

The rat race, huh? Now
remember when you watch that

these rats have only run
this maze once before,

and they each know that there's
food waiting at the other end.

Five bucks on number two.

That's a good bet, Mrs. Smith.

Well, as you can see, it's
traversing the maze at twice the speed.

How come?

Cognitive enhancers,
Mr. Smith. Smart drugs?

Oh, not the foolishness that is
sold in health food shops. No,

this drug actually
hardwires the hippocampus

so that the brain remembers
and retains, ergo learns.

At ever faster rates. Sounds
great. Where do I get some? Well,

that's what Randolph
Pizza thought at first.

Smarter people, new
discoveries, a cure for cancer.

New energy source.

A renaissance for the human species.

I'm sensing a but.

Well, unfortunately, the drug
does have dangerous side effects.

The rats became greedy, savage, vicious.

There's something wrong with that?

There is one more thing.

It is possible that our
kidnapper has a vial of the stuff.

When Brightwork was cancelled, the only
known sample of the drug went missing.

So, we're after an egocentric,
homicidal sociopath with a vial of smart drugs.

That's great.

Sir, this kidnapping...

Has earmarks of
revenge components as well.

Yes.

Doesn't bode well for Mr. Pitzer, does it?

Mrs. Smith, I want you to continue to
work up your profile on the kidnappers.

And Mrs. Smith, would you get busy
with those wonderful ears of yours?

Well, they're nice ears, but wonderful.

They're one of my favorite erogenous
zones, yours. For your information,

my hearing test's off the charts.

I was lined up. Amy?

What's wrong with this world?

Can't even get into an aspirin bottle?

You all right?

No, I'm not all right.

They got my husband.

Why can't you people do something?
What are you doing here? Do something.

I know how you feel.

No, you don't.

You deny it, and then you get angry.

I got every right to be angry.

You get angry because you feel helpless.

Because they're
suffering, and they're frightened,

and there's nothing you can do to help.

I wish they'd taken me.

Make it easier, wouldn't
it? It's like a nightmare.

I know.

You do know, don't you?

What did you do until the phone rang?

It hasn't rung yet.

You'll do exactly as I say. Or at
8 a.m. Monday morning, he's dead.

If you'd like to see your husband
again, you'll do exactly as I say.

Getty anywhere?

You?

There's this background
noise on the phone call,

some kind of clanging pot
or weird bells or something.

You've got a lot of
words up there, don't you?

Yeah.

This is an odd one.

Drug tampering, that's one
thing. Impersonal victims,

desire to damage a company's
reputation, quest for publicity.

No police, no press, no publicity.

Right, so bright work
pops up into the equation.

Profit, okay, that goes with
drug tampering. Hurts the company,

but drug tampering
doesn't go with kidnapping.

It could.

Bring down the company,
get the magic formula.

No.

No.

Most for-profit kidnappers keep an
impersonal distance from the hostage, not here.

Why? Kidnappers. Son.

I'm only going to say this once.

I'm only going to say this once.

The formula for Pitzer's
Breitberg Research Project.

I'm only going to say this once.

The formula for Pitzer's
Breitberg Research Project.

I'm only going to say this once.

I'm only going to say this once.

None of the background sounds
matched anything in the database.

I'm trying to tell you.
The voice has been altered.

About the voice.

Then you agree.

It's a... Don't call.

All right, people, let's
go. On your toes. Excuse me.

You all set?

Yeah, let's do it.

Amy, here we go. All
right. Just like last time.

Keep them talking, all
right? Okay. Three, two, one.

Hello?

Let's see. Where were we?

Oh yeah, your husband was
going to die at 8am Monday.

London. Helsinki. The Bright Work Papers.

I want them placed in the carry-on
pouch. No bigger than 18 by 24 by 12.

He's a sheep? Something
with a little shoulder strap.

And don't chintz on the
leather. Pizza can afford it.

Miami, it's coming back this way.

I know that voice.

I think I know who it is. High IQ, low
self-esteem, problem with authority.

Look at the time.

I'm going to have to get
back to you with those

pesky little details like where and when.

Her name is Athena Greco.

Athena?

That waddly little research scientist?

What do we got?

2,000 block of Holyoke Avenue
warehouse district. We're close.

Not a residence.

I'm into her phone records.

I've got an address on Holyoke.

She used to work on
the Brightwork project.

Career change.

She's a kidnapper now.

It's a warm, fuzzy neighborhood, the kind
of place a rat would feel right at home.

It fits the profile.

Cold, fended like a bunker.

You picking up anything?

No, I'm going through a brick wall.
I've got to turn up the gain on this.

I like this.

Rescue the good guy, trap the rat.

Hey, that was my line.

Ooh, wait, got a picture
here. Two stationary subjects,

12 o'clock through the window.

Excellent.

Let's see if we go in there, get
this woman her house and back.

We got a security door straight ahead.
Two windows overdumped to the right.

Pop goes the weasel.

Thanks for the lift.

How's it look?

Doable.

Then let's do it.

Easy, huh? Too easy.

It's not Athena Greco.

Two clowns that
snatched pizza from the park.

They don't look very happy to see us.

That's because they look like
20 to life in a federal pen.

Unless... Unless what?

You know, she wanted us to be here.

Unless this is a trap.

For us? For them.

For all of us?

Detonator.

C4. There's enough plastic here to blow
up the whole block. Go get back in the van.

You get back in the van.
You get back in the van.

We've only got 30 seconds left.

Make that 20 seconds. You think I trust
you enough to let you do this yourself?

Positive?

Negative.

Positive?

Yeah.

Uh, pretty positive.

Think those clowns were worth it?

What's that? So that's what that was.

The noise on the tape.

Wind chimes.

I knew it was too easy.
Wait, wait, wait. I'm

the one who said it
was too easy. Remember?

You're the big bomb guy, right? How
come you didn't know that wasn't the bomb?

It was the bomb. It just
wasn't the other bomb.

Look, you're angry with Athena
Greco, and you're taking it out on me.

Don't. Please don't profile me. You
better matter her, her, her and her smart drugs.

Letting us trace the call
and scramble her voice.

She might as well have laid
breadcrumbs to that lab for us to follow.

She was toying with us, okay? As part of
her pathology, it's what motivates her.

I came, I saw, I conquered.

What's so good about it? It's a far,
far better thing I do, etc., Well,

she doesn't know who she's messing with.
With her profile type, it doesn't matter.

She has a deep-seated need to prove that
she's worthy, smarter than everybody else.

And if she has the vial of
smart drugs, she probably is.

Well, I'm not sitting around waiting
for her to make the next move. Yeah?

What are you going to do?

I'm going to be up all
night in forensics going

through every square inch of that house.

I'm gonna see they check DNA
on those guys, dental records.

Okay.

Evidence on clothes, shoes.

I wanna know what they had
for breakfast this morning

and in what greasy diner they ate it in.

All good, uh-huh.

I'm gonna have research comb their
phone records, credit card receipts.

I'm gonna reconstruct that
woman's life over the last

six months like a
mosaic with tiles this big.

And then?

Then? Yeah, then what are you gonna do?

Yeah.

You mean after that?

Well, then... Yeah?

I'm gonna sit.

And wait for her to call again.

I thought so.

I hate kidnappings.

Look, Athena Greco's in Dallas somewhere.

Amy? Oh, no thanks. I
couldn't eat another buffalo wing.

She will call.

I know she'll call.

Because we have what she wants.

And what if she doesn't? They
don't always, you know that.

She will.

Did I tell you?

Two.

And one.

Hello?

Mrs. Pitzer? This is Gina
from MCI Friends and Family.

Who's your current long-distance carrier?

What?

No, this is not a good time.

Yeah.

Eight out of ten.

Give her access to the computer.

Sounds pretty good,
right? Eight out of ten?

But only five of those are found alive.

Amy, you can't think like
that, or it will eat you alive.

What am I supposed to do?

How do you stand it?

Think about when you'll see him
again. Just think about that.

Today's Sunday, isn't it?

We're going to fly to Paris tomorrow.

Randy was going to show me friends.

And think about France.

Hello? You've got me traced and recorded.

Why not buy the video too?

Athena?

Is that you? You don't even
look like yourself anymore.

I want to talk to Randy. Just
let me see if he's all right, huh?

I thought I told you not to
drag anybody else into this.

Now look what you've done. You blew
up my lab and killed my associates.

No, I didn't.

Well, they were alive when your
friends got there, were they?

Well, they did me a favor anyway.

Tweedledum and Tweedledee were too
stupid to waste smart drugs on anyway.

Where is Randy? Why can't I talk to him?

Will you put someone else on,
please? You always bore me to death.

Monday, it's coming back.

Here we go again.

We have the bright work research. We
just want Randolph Pitzer returned safely.

At last, a reasonable
voice in the wilderness.

This is how we're going to do it.

And it's so simple.

Any fool can understand.

There's a green Dipsy dumpster on
Mansfield near 7th in the warehouse district.

You put the Brightwork
package in there at 3 p.m. sharp.

Where will we find Mr. Pitzer?

Oh, well, I'll have him over at Tis-Tis.

If I told you that, you'd
probably go and get him, wouldn't you?

And you forget all about
little old me. So let's just stop.

We need proof he's all right.

She's good.

Amy, as long as we have the Bright
Work papers, we have your husband.

Fate's been set.

Feeding time in two minutes.

My dragon lady's really going
to tell us where Pitzer is.

Hey, as long as we got the
pouch and we know where it is,

we got the dragon lady and
we got Mr. Pitzer. What?

Do you hear that?

What?

That.

On Sunday?

Vase, we got a trash
truck in the vicinity.

Yeah, S&P Rubbish Recycling. Run a check.

Think it's her?

The trash truck? Doesn't seem
like a statement she'd want to make.

Three o'clock. Good, at last
we get to make a phone call.

Points for punctuality.

Thanks so much for dropping off my papers.

She's around here
somewhere, getting out the trunk.

We dropped off the pouch, lady.

Now tell us where we can find Pitzer.

I'm afraid you've made a teensy
miscalculation. Randolph Pitzer's fate is sealed.

But tell Amy for me that her
beloved husband will continue

to remain a pillar of this
fair community, even in death.

No Pitzer, no pouch, lady.

Yeah?

Happy dumpster diving, then.

I don't get it.

She wanted to kill him?
What about the pouch?

It's moving, and that's what.

Impossible. We didn't take our eyes off
that dumpster. No one's been near it.

County Health, we're
expecting for possible infestation

of vermin. It's not
here. It's got to be there.

There's a hole in the
dumpster? I ended up with this bent.

No way.

You were there.

Which way?

She's right. She's over there.

I hate kidnappers.

I knew I should have gone the other way.

Who was stopping you?

This way?

I'll take it. Sorry.
Where are you going, please?

Oh, don't tell me that you two are lost.

All red is this.

I couldn't be.

This is a maze?

It is.

She trapped us in a maze.

Yeah, and you rats just
flunked your first IQ test.

I haven't taken the oral
exam yet, you evil witch.

Oh, I'd really love to stay
and exchange insults on...

But I really must be going.

There was another way
to go at the beginning.

I've got a better idea. What are you
doing? Getting out of this rat race.

Life is very left-brained.

There she is.

Not high enough for Geronimo.

Don't waste your bullets!

I'm not gonna kill her, I'm
just gonna blow out her tires.

Don't you hear that?

You should think about
getting those ears registered.

That.

What makes you think they're not?

We don't want to hear any
more about smart drugs.

Well, that figures. We
want to know one thing.

Where is Randolph Pisser? I'm for the
hundred thousandth time. Forget him!

He's only getting what he deserves.

Well, he killed me when
he killed my project.

Bright work would have opened
the door to a brave new world,

and that ninny slammed the door shut.

Brave new world, huh?
Run by people like you?

You can't even see what you've become.

Are you talking about the side effects?

What's a little aggression in
the face of ending? Hold on.

Curing cancer, closing the ozone hole,

doing away with the rampant
stupidity that's responsible

for so much mediocrity on this earth.

Question is, if you're so
smart, what are you doing here?

Well, in science, we
call it random probability.

Oh, look, I'm running out of six.

And we're running out of time.

So, why don't you tell us
where Randolph Pitzer is?

Well, I can see that you two are too
dense to grasp what you have in your hands.

So why don't we just do
something that's more on your level?

Like play.

What kind of a deal?

Door number three.

I take you to him. You turn away.

And I walk.

We'll have to get back to you on that.

The picture's got less than three hours.

Yeah, I know.

Tempting proposition, isn't it?

I know what Amy would want.

And let Dragon Lady win?

Let's have another look at
forensics on Tweedledee and Tweedledum.

Other than Miss Greco,
they're the last known contacts.

Well, no pressure, but you
don't have that much time.

Mustard stain, right shirt cuff, Dijon.

Looks like prison dental work.

Probably Huntsville.

Look at this.

What is it?

Dirt from the soles of their boots.

Traces of saltwater fossils
identified as Claminoceramus.

Clamshells in Dallas?

Clamshells.

Here we go. Clam inoceramus,
extinct at the end of the Cretaceous Age.

That's the last period of
the Mesozoic Age to you.

Found in the White Chalk
Escarpment at a depth of 15 feet.

How to get on the boots, then?

Pull up a geological
map of greater Dallas.

I'm there.

Highlight alluvial deposits.

Alluvial deposits coming up.

Let's go back to the
Cretaceous age for a minute.

No problemo.

Wait, wait, there was a sound on the
tape. Give me the tape, the second call,

please. Look at the time.

There was a noise on the
tape, kind of a thunk, thunk.

No.

Hear it?

Pull down her voice just in the
background and bring up the bass, please.

Now, ka-thunk, ka-thunk, ka-thunk.

Yeah, I can hear it now.

Sort of.

As in what? As in bridge?

As in road? As in construction site?
That's how they got it on their boots,

bosses from the Cretaceous age.

Overlaid a fresh GSA
satellite photo of Dallas.

There.

Where?

Zoom in on grid five.

Marsh?

Construction site.

As in dig?

As in dirt from 15 feet down.

As in 8 a.m. Monday morning.

There.

Where?

Randy!

Wait!

Hold on there!

Wait!

You gotta hold the work, all right?

There's a man down there. Hold
the work! Pillar of the community,

so that's what she meant.

Hey, what's going on here?

Somebody down there.

Hey, you're not allowed to be here.

We're not liable if you get hurt! Where's
she going? Why's she going down into that?

Shut her up!

Randy?

Hang on. Hang on.

Oh, thanks so much.

Oh, Randy. Oh, you got him. I had to see
you. I never thought I'd see you again.

Oh, not me. I never gave up hope. I just
kept thinking about us being in Paris.

Old hands walking around.

That's right, don't you guys
have a plane to catch? Oh, yeah.

Thank you. Thanks.

Thanks so much.

Interesting, isn't it? The very idea of
drugs to make people smart. Who'd get them?

And who'd decide who would?
Well, one would hope they'd

be distributed
equitably. Rich and poor alike.

A level playing field. Hey, Mom.

You're probably right.

Somebody should start working on
a human empathy drug instead. Oh.

By the way...

What's that? Oh, the missing vial.

I found it in Athena's change purse.

What?

You found it? And you didn't tell me,

and we were racking our brains trying
to find Pitzer, and you had this stuff?

Well, I'm already smart
enough, and you're smart enough,

and you're certainly
aggressive enough, so...

It was empty.

But you see the effect it had, and you
didn't even take any. Look, enough, you two.

I'm trying to eat my breakfast.

Sorry, sir.

We'll leave you in peace. Thank you.

You go ahead.

Mrs. Smith?

I don't know.

It was almost like he'd been there
himself with someone close to him,

and like there was still a
chance they might still be alive.

Is there a question there, Mrs. Smith?

Because if there is, you
know I can't answer it.

No.

No question.

Just... Whatever.

See ya.

The airport?

Uh, yeah. You?

Yeah. Want to share a taxi?

Sure.