All language subtitles for Mr. & Mrs. Smith - S01E04 - The Poor Pitiful Put-Upon Singer Episode

Because you know what makes me laugh.

It's a laugh, because you
know when it strikes my back.

I let it bump me right down to a tear.

I'm waiting for that girl to be spot
on When will she get close to you? Why?

How does she know where and what I like?

I could end up sitting
right down in the mud.

Not bad. I swear, that
girl's been shot at all.

Thank you.

Oh, that girl's been flying all
day. She's been flying all day.

Thank you, thank you. Thank you very much.

I'm Jackson Brock, and I'm here tonight
to help celebrate my best friend's birthday,

Rich Edwards. Right over here,
everybody. Rich Edwards, right there. Yeah.

Happy birthday, pal.

Somebody just walked in that door a couple

minutes ago who means
a great deal to Rich.

And I know that I would...

Die and go to heaven.
If I could coax her into

coming up here and
singing with us tonight,

I'm talking about Joelle.
Joelle, everybody, come on.

Thank you. Damn, you're
cute. What are you doing later?

You tell me.

About 10 years ago, that man
right over there saved my life.

I was singing on a corner not too
far from here for spare change.

Rich heard me, took me in,
and the rest is history.

Rich, I love you, baby.
I owe you everything.

Happy birthday.

Formalin, it's formalin.

I'm Mr. Smith, but
that's not my real name.

I'm Mrs. Smith, but that's
not my real name either.

You see, we're spies. But
with Jessica's name thing,

couldn't it get a little confusing?

People might think we're married.
That's okay. As long as you don't.

She's late.

Eight minutes late. Good spies shouldn't
be late. Mrs. Smith was a very good spy.

She was a four-car pilot
on the Hollywood freeway.

She should have allowed for that. She's
not as familiar with L.A. as you are.

You know, L.A., isn't it legal for a
motorcycle to ride between the lanes?

Yes.

That's what I told the Yahoo
in the pickup truck who made an

unsignaled lane change and
forced me into the carpool lane.

I take it you're not enjoying your stay.

Really?

Smog, weirdos, superficial
people, ten lanes of asphalt,

and they're all
crawling bumper to bumper? No.

I love L.A.

You need to stop and smell the roses.

I'm allergic to roses.

But enough of me. How's Rich Edwards?

She's alive, thanks to you.

Come on in. We can learn
so much about poisons.

You ever been poisoned?

Me?

No.

Trust me, it only takes once. I know
everything. Smells, antidotes, everything.

All poisons?

Only the lethal ones.

Tetrachlorothane, antidote.

Carbon tetrachloride.

Yellow jasmine.

Gastric labage.

Methanol.

Ethanol. Gives slowly to
metabolize the methanol.

Any ID on our would-be assassin?

Nope, no one saw his face. Well,

last night's incident seems to
confirm Rich Edwards' suspicions.

That someone's trying to kill him.

Or ruin his record company. Or both. I
didn't get anything from Joelle last night.

She may not know anything.

Well, she still remains in
the center of the storm.

Rich's trouble started when Joelle's
contract with her present label... M&A Records.

Uh-huh. Came up for renegotiation.

She's gonna sign with
Rich and Shanty Records.

If Shanty Records signs
Joelle, M&A will lose millions.

Rich has arranged for me
to sing on Joelle's new CD.

Cool, so we're in.

Well, I'm in.

What should I be looking for?

We'll see if there's anyone on the inside
who's trying to help MNA bring Rich down.

Send in rocks, please.

I'm giving you additional
computer surveillance support.

Geez, I thought I was going to root and
grow foliage waiting out there so long.

Rox, I want you to meet your partners.

This is Mr. Smith.

Oh, hi, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, Rox.

And Mrs. Smith.

Hello.

So is that Mrs. as in
married to Mr., or is that Mrs.

as in you're not
imaginative enough to come

up with your own name, so you copied his?

Mrs., as in all the short, trashy,
igneous-sounding names were already taken.

Charles. All right, I'm going to
explain this one time, so listen up. Okay.

You got inside the studio, the
control booth, the bathroom,

and a break room kind of deal.

Mmm.

Mmm, mmm, mmm, baby. What are you doing?

So, uh, why did Joelle leave you
for MNA Records in the first place?

Because they could do more
for her, pure and simple.

I gave her my blessing.

They made her a star.

And now that she's a star, she wants to
come home. Sing on my little record label.

Must mean a great deal to
you. Yeah, emotionally.

Or, you know, professionally.

She's my only hope.

What do you mean? Well...

I wouldn't want Joelle to know
that my credit's been wiped out,

bank accounts penetrated,
been audited by the IRS.

Now, they tell me that I
haven't paid my taxes in six years,

and those are the only
years I did pay my taxes.

That Rich is kind of cute.

He's got that bad boy thing going on.

I wonder if he needs
somebody to make him happy.

You don't get out much, do you?

Well, as a matter of
fact, I don't. I mean,

I'm always cooped up in
here like a dog in a pound.

Just for once, I would
like to go out into the

field and live the
glamorous life of a spy, like you.

Believe me, it's not all
sunglasses and cute boys.

Well, some cute boys.

Someone's selling me to the wolves.

By the time Joelle does come
home, there may be no home left.

That may be the idea.

Wait, wait, wait.

That's her.

I made it!

Look at that ass.

God, I hope you're in therapy.

Joelle, you remember Jackson?

Some things I don't forget.

I don't trust her. Why don't I trust her?

Well, maybe because
she's moving in on your man.

My man?

Okay, you two work together,

and I'm supposed to believe that
you don't got a thing going on?

There is no thing going on. So then
you wouldn't mind if I gave it a shot?

Wouldn't that be a violation of factory
rules? You ready to work? Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah. I was just testing her out.

Sit.

I'm still working on
the verses. I still don't

trust her. She's really good, isn't she?

Yeah.

Shayna, Cindy Lauper.

You ever feel like you lost your soul?

I know the feeling. That's
the way I felt for years.

But the other night, on that
stage, I felt like I got it back.

Back on track, you know what I mean?

I reclaimed my soul.

It happened again tonight.

Both times you were there.

Well, I don't know if you
could... Listen, one week from tonight,

I'm performing at this little club, Karma.

That's where I want to debut my new
stuff and announce signing with Shanti.

And I'd just love it if you'd back me up.

Oh, well, I'd have to think about that.

Okay.

Here's to reclaiming souls.

To reclaiming souls.

Hello.

Uh, rammed down everybody at Shanty.

Anything?

Everybody came up clean.

But then a good hacker can make
anybody look clean, so... Good point.

Give me the keys.

What are you doing?

I'm going to follow Joelle.

Why? Everyone else at Shanty
Records checked out clean.

Joelle would never betray Rich.

Not even if she was
offered a better deal by MNA?

No.

She wouldn't do that. Her
feelings are real. I can tell.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

May I?

Please.

Gaultier. Nice.

Thanks.

See, if she was running late, why
would she be sitting in her car like that?

She's making a phone call.

You want to listen in?

Did you?

Rox, you are good.

Honey, you have no idea.

Well...

She's got a table right next to them.

Close it.

Move closer. I can't hear.

It's career suicide if you make this move.

I'm not happy, Steve.

Steve.

And I haven't been happy for a long time.

Someone from M&A named Steve.

If they're all we've done for you,

you'd leave us for some
two-bit has-been operation.

Give me some water, please. Here.
Gilmore. His name is Stephen Gilmore.

Rich is like family to me.

He's a lousy businessman,
Joelle. We can't do anything for you.

You're wrong.

Stephen Gilmore, senior beef at M&A.

Shanty Records was hot
for about two minutes.

I don't want to talk about this.

There's nothing to talk
about. I'm not letting you go.

Yeah?

Well, you don't have a choice.

It's over, Steve. I'm signing with Shanty,

and there ain't
nothing you can do about it.

Let's see about that.

Oh my God, Rich.

We'll get back to the studio right now.

Excuse me.

You scared me. Sorry. How's he doing?

The doctors still don't know anything.

They have to do more tests.

No, it's not okay.

This would have never happened
if I had just stayed with him.

Life is life. Everything happens
for a reason. It's all laid out.

I wish I could believe.

You know, sometimes it
makes things easier.

This stinks.

Isn't this what you wanted?
The glamorous life of a spy?

I hate you almost as
much as I hate this outfit.

Hate is such a harsh
word, don't you think?

Oh, whatever.

Come.

Thanks.

You know, do you ever wonder
what the hell we're doing here?

We're digging some trash,

looking for something that might prove
that M&A's behind us. No, no, no, no, no,

no. I'm talking the big picture.

I mean, I'm not here. What are we
doing here? I mean, what we're doing here?

I mean, what the hell are
we doing with our lives?

Our lives?

Yeah.

Look, Rox.

Okay, here and here.
It's all the same thing.

We're all knee-deep in garbage.

Now, we can stand around and complain
about the stink, or we can keep moving.

Me, I prefer to keep moving.

God! How's it coming, Rox?

Oh, it's slow but sure.
M&A loves this shredder.

Let's hope they put all their
dirty little secrets in there.

Oh, yeah.

Police wrote it off as
another gas explosion.

Well, that would be
the obvious explanation.

Shandy Records Insurance was
canceled two days ago, supposedly by Rich.

That doesn't make sense. I
mean, why would he do that?

Whoever's behind this is very good.

In my experience, record executives
are often weasels, seldom arsonists.

This smacks them someone else's way.

Wait, what's this doing in a piano?

What is it, Rox? Don't rush
me. Don't rush her. Thank you.

Okay, interesting.
Well, hello, come to mama.

We got ourselves an MB-400, babe. MB-400.

It's a bug made by the
Treasury Department a

few years ago.
High-tech, very rare, right?

Smart girl. Take a look at this.
Only six sold in the L.A. area,

all to a company named Masterall.

Get us more on Masterall.

I'm already there, babe.

Masterall. It's a corporate image
consulting firm owned by Carl Hansen.

What the hell's a corporate
image consulting firm, anyway?

Some kind of a PR deal.

Let's pick this up fresh tomorrow, okay?

Mm-hmm.

I love L.A. What is it with you
and L.A.? Oh, boom. I love it.

You really do, don't you?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did
you grow up around here

or, like, go to school around here? What?

You know I can't tell you that.

Make something up.

Okay, let's see.

I drove a cherry red Mustang convertible.

I played Beach Boys on the radio while I
cruised Van Nuys Boulevard. How's that?

No good. It's a little cliche.
Can't you do a little better than that?

Okay. I sang in the Glee Club.

I lettered in football and track,
and I got a scholarship to UCLA.

Did you? Nope. See ya.

I miss you.

What the... Someone's casing you!

Can I borrow your bike? Thanks,
man. Talk to you later, Bobby.

You could have nailed him if you
hadn't come riding up like the Lone Ranger.

You weren't even close.

Danny boy!

Danny. Hey, Ruthie, how you doing?

Living on the streets and I
can't do a thing with my hair.

How the hell you think I'm doing?

I want you to go get something to
eat, okay? Next time I'm in town,

we'll go have dinner again.

All right?

Yeah.

Great.

See you, Kate.

Why the hell were you spying on me?

Spying on you? I wasn't spying on you. I
saw the guy tailed you, so I followed him.

I can't believe you would
think I was spying on you.

Why would I waste my time spying on you?

No thank you necessary, really.

Good.

So this is where you live?

Live?

Do we live anywhere?
Really, when you think about it.

Don't we just live inside these
empty shells called the body?

You are from L.A., aren't you?

You know, even if I was from
L.A., and that's a very big if,

then you would have just blown my cover.

Food for thought.

Hey, Bobby, thanks for the
loan. It was a girlfriend.

Shut up.

Hey, Mike.

Yo. Mike, do you want to go grungy
and running next week? Uh, yeah, maybe.

Later.

So, what is it?

Danny or Mike?

Joe, how's it going?

They told me I'd find you here.

Just trying to clear out the cobwebs.

Is it working?

No.

Concert's tomorrow. I should be
excited. Instead, I'm a mess.

How's Rich?

Same.

No change. You want a walk?

Come on, Miss Gray.

No matter where I was, I'd always
end my days by talking to Rich.

And now, I don't know who I'm
gonna talk to now. It's okay.

What's wrong?

We're just friends.

Yeah, sure, friends.
Everybody needs a friend.

I feel so stupid.

Sometimes... Sometimes something
happens in your life, you know, that's...

The pain is so intense that you
just... You can't let anybody else in.

Not for a while at least.

Can't friends hold hands?

Master Hall's Carl Hansen.

Carl Hansen? An alias. You may know
him under the name of Roger Hanecker.

His speciality is corporate terrorism.

He takes out companies instead
of countries. Precisely. Oh,

we've come up against him
before. He merely changes his name.

And his company's name, Masterall.

We did find correspondence
in the paper shredder between

M&A and Masterall, but nothing conclusive.

Well, if you're hiring a corporate
hitman, you probably wouldn't say so in a memo.

Thank you for sharing.

It's my job.

Anyway, Master All would let
Gilmore keep his hands clean. Mr. Big,

you got anything to eat here? My
blood sugar's starting to plummet.

You found it right there
beside you in the fridge.

Help yourself. Thank you.
So, um, what's the plan?

What's with all this
fat-free crap? Really?

How do you think he keeps
that cute little figure of his?

Mrs. Smith, we are not amused.

Now, we need proof that
Hanson was the one hired

by Gilmore to sabotage Shanty Records.

How?

I was thinking of a direct approach.

How direct?

Very direct.

Shaping the way you see the world.

It's just me, or do you feel there's
a certain level of arrogance to that?

Hello, you mad at me?

I don't understand why you're
the head of Jenkins Cosmetics

while I'm just your lowly assistant.

So, what are you saying? That I should
be the assistant because I'm the woman?

It's more realistic for a woman to
head up a cosmetic company than a man.

Adrienne Arpel, Estee Lauder, Donna Karan.

Max Factor, Bijon, Yves Saint
Laurent. And for your information,

Donna Karan is just skincare.

Whatever.

Stephen Gilmore, M&A Records. How are you?

Fine.

Janet Jenkins, Jenkins Cosmetics.
We met at the fundraiser, remember?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure.

What brings you here? A little PR problem?

You know, I'm really
late. Sorry, lunch date.

Really good to see you.

Great guy.

Mr. Hanson, we'll see you
now. This way. Thank you.

Come on, Todd.

It's my competitor.

They've created a bit
of a PR problem for me.

And what is the particular problem?

Well, my company was
very successful in Europe,

where nobody seems to
care about animal testing.

Down the hall to the left.

You're very attractive, you know that?

No offense, but you're really not my type.

You have no idea what you're

Which you did.

Yes, of course, but please.

A bunny with a little
mascara, some lipstick,

maybe some hairspray. What's the problem?

Bad press.

Cost me about six million.

Ouch.

Gotcha.

We made flush cars medics into hypocrites.

Found evidence that they've
been using animal testing also.

I like it.

I like it, but it's not true.
That's the whole big deal, you know?

Love Mother Earth, everything
natural, plant a tree, blah, blah, blah.

Miss Jenkins, if I can prove it's
true, doesn't that make it true?

Mr. Hanson, are you talking about lies,
manipulation, and unethical behavior?

Well... Because if you are, I like it.

Oh, this is great.

You did a great job, Mr. Smith.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

It was a team effort, really.

Yeah, well, whatever. I'll
pat it on the back, okay?

Okay, listen up.

Our numbers are 52816. Now,

normally that would give us
15,625 different possibilities.

But with my program, I've
accounted for skin oil,

which lessens each time
the finger presses a button.

So the darkest number would be the
first number, because when it was pressed,

the finger had the most
oil on it. The second

darkest, the next, and so on like that?

You got it.

Voila, I give you the code, 16258.

We're ready for breaking.

Well, thank you very much.

Yo, bitch, you there?

Yeah, I'm about to
disable the security systems.

Hey, handsome, are you happening?

Happening.

Ross, I'm in. You in?

Yeah, baby, I'm in. Thank
God I love saying that.

Electronic transfers
from M&A to Masteroff.

Detailed logs of Richard
Joel's constant whereabouts. Oh,

we are going to nail these
vests to the wall, baby.

It rocks.

I don't know.

I don't show anything.
You could be a dummy.

We just... Hold on.

Hey, yo. Yeah. Wire for
closed circuit? Damn!

What? You must have tripped a
dedicated line I don't have.

Silent alarms are going off a little.
Guard's headed your way, Mrs. Hayes.

Goodbye.

Two more coming.

All right, get that off. See,
this has been to everywhere.

They're all over.
Watch out. That was close.

We've been closer.

I've been here before.
This is Carl Hansen's office.

Oh, my God. What?

Joelle's Farewell album?

October 18th, 1996.

October 18th, that's today.

Joelle is gonna die today.

Why would M&A want Joelle dead?

Because they can't have her.

She's worthless to them.

They tried to take down Shani
Records and we blocked them.

This way they can release every
note she ever sang and make a fortune.

Remember Selena?

All right, look at this.

Tragic death of Raj Darjeel,

which happened during a performance at
Karma last night. All right, let's go.

Wait! They're right
outside your door. Okay.

It's over. Yeah, right.

I adore you, Rox.

And I've got ears here. Sorry.

Did I tell you I love you, Rox?

This way. Give it up.

It's over.

You're being way too optimistic.

We've got to stop meeting like this.

Five, four, three, two, one. Well.

I don't think you guys know long.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Karmic Club. Round the music.

We have clearance.

The stage left. I lost him.

You got him?

Keep playing, keep playing.

You know, every now and then, someone
comes into your life that makes a difference.

Recently, someone showed
me how to get my soul back.

And I would just love it if he
came up here right now. You! Come on,

you know who I'm talking about.

Help me out, ladies and
gentlemen. Get him up here. Come on.

I wrote this song for
my best friend, Rich.

This is for you, Rich.

What?

Somebody's trying to kill you. What?
I gotta get you out of here. Come on.

Security, can you go over that door?

Security?

I don't think you really want to do this.

Some other time.

Oh, God, yes. Thank you. Oh, thank you.

Just as we thought.

Gone. Oh, that's your style.

Just can't believe he got away.

I don't think we've seen the last

That was beautiful.

You like it?

I loved it. Thanks. You want
to lay down with just a piano?

Yeah, why not? Yeah, why not? Hi.

Hi. How you feeling, Rich?

Like a new man.

Got my favorite singer back.

This time, I'm not gonna let her go.

And I'm not gonna let you.

I think I'll just go do something.

I just came by to say so long.

I think you mean goodbye.

Gotta move on. Another job, another city.

You know.

Yeah.

So, uh...

You well?

I meant so long.

We're here for the piano.
Where are you taking it?

To the dump.

I'll give you 500 bucks for it.

Yeah.

Okay. Thanks. That was easy.