Original subtitles

You know, there's a lot about me you're never gonna know.

Same here.

Then let's get started.

Standard sets, two.

Foreign or domestic? Domestic.

Yes, they should be arriving at JFK within the hour.

Separate flights. From there, they will go directly to the Plaza Hotel,

where they're registered under the names of Miss White and Mr. Black.

Welcome to the plaza, Mr. Black. If you could just fill out this registration form,

your room is ready to go.

Your key, Mrs. White. Enjoy your stay.

Thank you.

Staying in town long?

Um, I'm not really sure. I don't know.

Maybe I'll see you around sometime.

Nice digs.

I take it the old factory's having a pretty good year.

There's a reason we didn't travel together.

Uh-huh, we're not supposed to know each other. I have done this before.

Yeah? Then what would you call that little stunt of yours down at the check-in desk?

Contingency plan.

Whose contingency plan?

My contingency plan.

You know, so if we are seen together, it won't seem suspicious.

Really?

Well, then according to your contingency plan, how will it look?

Like we're having a cheap, meaningless fling?

Shall we get started?

I'm Mr. Smith, but that's not my real name.

I'm Mrs. Smith, but that's not my real name either. You see, we're spies.

But let's face it, this name thing, couldn't it get a little confusing?

People might think we're married.

That's okay.

As long as you don't.

What you doing?

I noticed the coax on the television's a little heavier than your standard RG-75.

Custom hookup, I figure. Rigged before we got here.

Probably security-shielded satellite uplink.

Definitely intended for transmitting our assignment.

I'm right, right?

Smart.

Simple.

Let me give you a hand there.

Thanks, I can handle it.

Hey, if that's room service you're calling, can you order me up later?

That's not room service. I'm just activating our feed.

Peanuts?

Let me get this straight. The phone, not the remote, controls the TV.

Yep.

You're late.

Is there a problem?

No, sir. Minor equipment malfunction.

It's... Actually, operator error.

Taken care of. Nothing to worry about.

Let's get to it, shall we? 200 ground-air missiles, stingers,

disappeared from a freighter bound for Bosnia.

Portable, perfect for the modern-day terrorist with an active lifestyle.

Precisely the concern.

A lone terrorist armed with a stinger could overthrow

his own government and threaten ours.

Suspicions, leads, buzz from the coverts?

Buzz from the coverts.

J.P. Kasakis, shipping magnate.

He owns a freighter that was transporting the missiles.

Friend or foe? Foe.

And we have that from a source very close to Kasakis.

How's that thing work?

Magic.

Source?

Earl Borden, Kasakis' personal assistant.

I've arranged a meeting for you.

Does Kousakis know he's been ratted out by his little boy Friday?

It is safe at this time to assume he does not.

Why's that?

Because Earl Borden is still alive.

Very good, then. We'll do our best to keep him that way.

Right. 200 Stinger missiles.

So, does that self-destruct now, or what?

Nope.

We turn it off.

It's less dramatic, but it's easier on the bottom line.

Yeah, it makes sense.

That's Earl Gordon.

But what gave me away?

Well, people of your faith aren't usually big pork eaters.

I sell these pork sausages, and when I'm really nervous, I just, I have to eat.

Are either of y'all like that? Guilty. Mr. Gordon, shouldn't we talk about Earl?

You can call me Earl.

Okay, Earl, why don't you tell us what you know about the missing stingers?

The first time I saw the ship's manifest,

it said that 500 stingers had been loaded on board.

But by the time the ship reached Bosnia, somebody had changed it to 300.

Do you know who made the change?

Mr. Kousakis.

I recognize his handwriting. He fudged before.

A few barrels of oil here, a couple of cans of tuna there.

I always looked the other way, but this time I couldn't. If somebody got hurt,

I'd never be able to forgive myself. You sure it was him?

Absolutely. I've been Mr. Patakis' personal assistant for the past seven years.

I not only know his handwriting, I know everything about it. I'm sure you do.

Nothing gets past me. Hey, I believe you.

Not a letter, not a phone call, not a meeting, nothing.

Do you know who he sold the sneakers to? Not a clue.

Do you know where he's keeping them?

Can't tell you. Do you know if he still has them? I have no idea. I'm really sorry.

You know what? If Mr. Kousakis sold those missiles,

I bet he'd deposit the money in his private bank account.

Well, if that's true, we could probably trace

the deposit back to wherever he sold them to.

Then what are we waiting for? Let's do it. No, we can't. We can't.

You need a password to access that account. Mr.

Kousakis is the only one who knows the password.

All right, wait a second. I might be awake.

Who at the bank handles this personal account of Mr. Kousakis?

Yep, that's her. That's Miss Hathaway. She's managed Mr.

Kousakis' personal account for as long as I can remember.

She sends a monthly check to an Irene McKennett, grandmother, Dublin, Ireland.

Credit records, Emerald Isle Travel Services, round-trip ticket to Dublin,

October 87, nine years. You think maybe it's time for another trip to Granny's?

Special delivery for Miss Jean Hathaway from

Emerald Isle Travel. It's not right there.

Oh, sorry.

Ms. Hathaway receives a letter.

She's won a promotional giveaway, an all-expense-paid trip to Ireland.

With Ms. Hathaway on vacation, the bank needs someone to fill in for her.

So we dummy up a resume, make a few well-placed phone calls.

Ms. White, good to have you with us.

After that, it's simple. I plan a virus to erase Kousakis' password,

and then I call in an expert to take care of the problem.

When I was getting rid of our virus, I planted a few micro cameras.

That way, when Kousakis reenters his password, we'll have front row seats.

Can you hear them?

They're talking in Greek.

I didn't know Miss White spoke Greek.

Something about beautiful eyes. Oh, well, Mr.

Kousakis can be very charming when he wants to. Maybe,

but he's not the one doing the talking.

Woo-hoo!

You speak wonderfully. I'm sorry,

I'm laughing because you're such a delightful young lady.

Thank you.

Look, I've taken enough of your time.

Why don't I leave you some privacy so you can re-enter your password?

Z-E-U-S.

Zeus!

I got it.

Zeus?

Great god, ruler of heaven?

No ego problem there.

You got anything? Whoa.

$10 million wire transfer into private account. 4.58 p.m.

yesterday. I'll see if I can trace it.

How does $10 million sound?

Like a deposit on a shipment of stingers.

The money came from a Swiss account.

It was routed through a German savings and loan.

Drawn from a Russian bank, transferred from another

Swiss account. It's just, it's going in circles.

Damn, we got a dead end here.

In that case, I've whipped up a little contingency plan on my end.

And why doesn't that surprise me?

Sorry, it took so long.

Oh, no, I hardly noticed.

So do you need me for anything else?

Actually, yes. I'd like to show you something.

Note lines four and seven.

They're the most recent postings on your corporate account.

I don't understand the dates.

Wrong. I know.

By cheating the posting times on each deposit by as little as 11 minutes,

I was able to earn you two additional days of compounded interest.

Comes to precisely... $17,354.

And 41 cents. Hmm. Why?

Banking is boring.

And if your boss finds out, I mean, won't he... Mr. Kousakis,

I handle your account here at the bank.

As far as I'm concerned, you are my boss.

You know what, let me give you my number.

Call me if there's something else I can do for you.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

So remember the part where I said, as far as I'm concerned, that makes you my boss.

So he gets this look on his face, this look like he had...

Like he's not even affected.

Yes.

Like he hasn't even heard what you were saying.

Yes, exactly.

And then I look him in the eyes, and I... And his pupils shrink into little dots,

like he's looking into a bright light.

But it's not a bright light, it's you.

And that's when you knew you had him exactly where you wanted him.

And how many times are you going to tell me this story?

I don't know. I usually work alone.

I'm not used to having someone to tell these things to. You got a problem with that?

No.

No, no problem.

So, you think he'll call?

Depends. You wrap your legs around him and lick his face.

I mean, I'm not familiar with your full repertoire of moves, but it seems to...

Hello?

Yes, this is Carol White.

Yes.

No, that would be lovely.

I'd love to. Miami?

Great. Tell Mr. Kousakis that I look forward to seeing him. Thanks.

Thanks.

Mr. Kousakis' office. He asked me to join him in

Miami tomorrow to discuss investment strategies.

You're not naive enough to believe that's all I want.

No, but I am naive enough to believe the trip has something to do with the Stingers.

We're wasting our time if it doesn't.

We? I think you mean me.

You weren't invited.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to pack.

Could I ask you a question, one professional to another?

Where do you draw the line?

Would you actually sleep with this guy if that's

what it took to get the information?

You think of a reason why I shouldn't?

I don't know.

Me neither.

Guess I'll have to get back to you on that one.

Flight to Miami, that's all he said. Nothing about a cruise.

I should have known about this. I keep his calendar.

I schedule every appointment, every trip.

Nothing gets past you? Not unless he wanted it to. Don't you see?

A three-hour cruise, two bodies disappear, fed to the fishes,

but there's no record, there's no trace, there's no URL.

Relax.

Nothing like that's going to happen.

You don't know Mr. Kousakis like I do. He is evil. He is an evil, evil man.

Should Mr. Black be here?

We don't need Mr. Black. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of both of us alone.

I'm sorry. I meant no offense. Tell you what.

Wear this.

If you need me, just call. How do I do that?

The wrist straps and antennae speak into here. When you want to call,

just push the time function until it reads call.

Then press the light button twice, followed by the alarm button once.

My number's programmed in at 6.30 a.m.

Uh-huh.

Come on, don't want them getting suspicious.

Mr. Kousakis, here's a sunblock you wanted.

Girl, look what you're doing to my deck, huh?

Now, if you're gonna be out here, you at least take those ugly things off.

Sorry.

You'll burn if you're not careful.

Rough life.

Nice?

Very nice.

You missed a spot.

Shouldn't we be discussing investment strategies?

Later.

Right now, you're my guest. Enjoy yourself.

I can live with that.

Mr. Kousakis, call for you.

Don't move.

I'll be right back to get the spot that I missed.

No, I can't. I can't. You don't understand. He didn't ask me to.

Is there a place where I can go and listen? And not be seen? Yes. No.

Soup.

I need soup. Clam chowder, if you have it.

Soup?

Clam chowder?

Hungry?

Thanks, I'm feeling a little seasick.

You think you could have dinner without me?

Of course. Is there anything I can get you?

No, thanks.

I... I'm just going to try to sleep.

Good night, then. You'll feel better. Thanks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You? Hi.

What the hell are you doing here?

Working, you.

Working?

Huh.

You know, I could have sworn that was you getting a cocoa butter rub down.

You've been spying on me?

It's my job.

See, my partner and I were hired to track down a shipment of stolen stingers.

Only she went AWOL on me, so I stowed away, patched into Kousakis' radio line,

and found out where he was headed.

Where?

You don't know?

What kind of work is it you do again?

Inspect primitive wiretapping?

Working with what I have.

Where are we headed?

We?

Would that be the we who's sleeping in the stateroom,

or the we who's bunking down here with the bilge pumps?

You're tired, you're cranky, I understand. Have you eaten yet?

Pearl? Yes, sir?

Yes, sir. We're headed for the small island of the Antique,

which happens to be where the Stingers are stored.

Until payment is received from an Antunias.

Antunias? Know him?

By reputation, he fancies himself the Fidel Castro of Mexico.

He'd like nothing short of a revolution.

200 stingers would sure put them one step closer. Yeah.

Have you notified the factory?

They're looking for them.

You've been busy.

But my tan's suffering.

Ari, the ship has already left Mykonos.

20 tons due to arrive in...

So, how'd you get here?

Why?

It's my job.

Mr. Kousakis, I think that I broke something.

Where'd you get that?

Well, it was down here.

Hey, Pete and Ron. I'll do it again.

We have a stowaway.

Find him.

Sorry to disturb you, but we seem to have an uninvited guest aboard.

Are you feeling better?

Oh, yes, I am. I actually went into the galley

to get something to eat. I hope that's alright.

Of course. Of course.

Oh, Lordy.

Never seen a naked woman before?

I'm sorry. Please, forgive me.

I thought... That one was for free.

Next time, we'll see what you have to offer.

Earl, a word.

Keep an eye on him.

Yes, Mr. Koutsakis.

Quick search, stem to stern, sir. No sign of a stowage. Perhaps I was mistaken.

Everybody back to your positions.

Miss White. Miss White.

Mr. Kousakis, he knows. He asked me to keep an eye on you. What should I do?

Keep an eye on me, I guess.

Where are you going?

I lost something. Oh, Lord.

Oh, Lord.

There it is.

Mr. Black in the Goosebump Flesh.

Earl, honey, can you go back inside? I need to speak to him a minute alone.

Did I miss anything?

Are you okay? It must be freezing here.

Yeah, it wasn't so bad, really.

Kind of like water skiing without the skis and without a wetsuit.

But I'm fine, really.

You sure? Yeah, sure. I'm glad to hear it.

You are?

Yes.

Now I just have to figure out how to cover.

Cover?

Earl is convinced that Kusaka suspects me. He asked him to keep an eye on me.

I could do something about that.

I know. I'm thinking.

Turn me in.

What?

Turn me in. Tell Kousakis you found the stowaway.

Are you crazy? It'll work. Trust me.

You sure?

Sure.

Kousakis is looking for a stowaway. Let's give him one.

What's he gonna do?

Throw me overboard? We're in the middle of the ocean.

One more time.

Who are you?

Cousteau.

Jacques Cousteau.

What are you doing here?

Following the migratory path of the sperm whales.

Aren't you gonna do something?

Tell me what you know.

The male sperm whale mates for life, while the females...

You want me to believe you didn't cut into my radio line,

you didn't stow away in the engine room? And you didn't eat my bread?

I don't know what you're talking about. Fine.

Throw him back over.

What happened here?

Some kind of life raft? No, it's the old C-Series

scuba scoop. Mrs. Smith, you think of everything.

You think he's okay? Of course he is. We were only a few miles from shore.

We were riding the shipping lanes, and the currents were headed in.

And Mr. Black has the endurance and stamina of a Navy SEAL.

I feel awful. Why? Because it's all my fault.

None of this would have happened if I'd kept my big mouth shut.

Earl, what you did was very brave.

You probably saved a lot of people's lives.

You really think so?

Absolutely.

Besides, Mr. Black and I are trained to handle these types of things.

You're getting predictable.

What took you so long? Mr. Black!

Earl?

Did our plan work? Kusaka seems to believe you were working alone, yes. Good,

then the hypothermia and jellyfish sting were worth it.

You told me to turn you in!

I know.

You said, turn me in, they're not going to throw me overboard.

I know. I misjudged it.

Nice hat.

And clothes, where'd you get them?

Marketplace, bartered for them.

With what?

The aqua scooter you threw overboard. Thanks, by the way, it came in handy.

What made you think to pack that? I thought I might need it.

Contingency plan, you know? Of course.

But Mr. Kusaka shouldn't see you two together.

Earl, honey, why don't you go back and call

me on your watch if he comes looking for me, okay?

Whatever you say, Miss White.

Can we continue this inside, maybe?

Don't worry about him.

Me too. But if Kousakis suspected him, he wouldn't have left him to chaperone me.

Where is Kousakis?

Out checking his missiles, I hope.

And you chose to work on your tan rather than follow him because... No.

I chose to catch up on my reading.

The plot thickens.

I planted a homing device on him so I can track him with global positioning.

Not bad.

Then I'll be able to retrace his route back to the location.

Ooh, you'll retrace?

Yeah, while you're keeping Kousakis occupied.

There's more than one way to keep Kousakis occupied.

I'll meet you back here at seven. Six.

And if you're a minute late, I'm leaving without you.

It's brilliant.

Did you see page two?

A toast.

Yes, I like everything about it. Thank you.

Excellent champagne.

I'm so glad you like it.

Why don't I walk you through the plan?

Later.

Later?

Enough business.

I think we both know why you're here.

We do?

It's a bold strategy, I realize, but in a bull market,

it makes sound financial sense.

I'm so used to women wanting my money. You're the first who's enjoyed making it.

I'm very attracted to your portfolio, but I think it could be expanded.

With your help, I'm sure it soon will be.

Thank you.

You know what? How about I go change my clothes and

meet you back here in, let's say, five minutes?

Oh, you're not going anywhere.

You don't have to change a thing.

Enough talking is white.

Oh, give him the prison sword. I think Carol's fine.

Mr. Kousakis?

JP?

How long do you think he's gonna be out?

I don't know, it wouldn't go down.

I think about it.

I mean, morally. Morally? Yeah.

You want to talk about morality? Fine.

Let's talk about the morality of these falling into General Antunes' hands.

That's why I'm removing the guidance chips, making them harmless.

So another terrorist with his own guidance chips can rearm them.

Our job was to locate and retrieve the missiles. Remember,

the company that hired the factory wants them back. Things change in the field.

We have to decide what's best given the situation.

I've decided. So have I. No, I mean, I made up my mind.

Me too.

So what do we do?

Good question.

Flip a coin. Flip a coin?

How else are we going to decide? Draws, draws, play rock, paper, scissors.

Look, I'm, uh, I'm right.

So am I. You know what?

You feel so strongly about this,

and you don't mind telling the boss how you casually blew up.

Not casually. Deliberately blew up the merchandise that we were hired to find.

Fine. But you'll have to blow me up, too, because I'm staying until the job's done.

Hell, a lot easier. A hell of a lot easier working alone.

I agree.

Usually.

But if you give me a hand,

we can disarm these before Kousakis wakes up and

get back before Earl ever knows we were gone.

Mr. Kousakis? Mr. Kousakis, are you all right?

Please forgive me, Mr. Kousakis.

Mr. Kousakis.

Where is she?

Who?

You don't know that bitch. Where is she?

I'll go get her.

No, no, I'll get her. You stay here.

Oh, my.

Miss White. Miss White. Oh, what did she say? Press the time.

No, press the light.

Help.

Earl.

A word?

Hey, I already did that one.

That one?

No, that one.

Yeah, try this one.

You did?

No, no, no, I just did that one.

No.

Yes.

Check again.

Who woke him up?

You don't work for the bank, do you?

Why do you ask?

Why do you want my stingers?

Your stingers?

We're gonna return the stingers to their rightful owners.

In the meantime, why don't you just put your

guns down real nice and slow and let Earl go?

I don't think so.

He would!

All right.

Sorry.

So sorry you made me talk.

I don't care.

Now then, put your guns down,

and then we'll pay a little visit to the local authorities.

I am the local authority.

Okay, then we'll have to make a phone call.

Who do you work for?

Antonio's. What's going on here?

I'm glad you're here. Another buyer?

Are you trying to... Cheat you, double-cross you, you got it.

He tried to sell us these worthless stingers. Worthless?

No firing mechanisms.

What?

They're crazy, don't listen to them. Yeah, the guidance tips are missing.

See for yourself.

This is preposterous.

Are you sure? I bet my life on it.

They're all like that.

I want my money back. Hold on. I have 200 of these. They all can't be defected.

My money, Justin! Wait. Now! You know I don't have your money here.

Maybe now would be a good time to excuse ourselves.

Let's not bother them now. They look this.

Letting them get away. They're not my concern right now. You are.

I know we can come to an equitable solution as

long as everybody puts their weapons down.

Perhaps, but I don't believe that solution is what I have in mind right now.

Wait, we have to go back.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Forgot something? No, we didn't finish.

What's to finish? I mean, we found the Stingers. You saved me. We saved him.

We're alive. What's to finish? The Stingers.

We didn't disarm all of them, and we left the guidance chips.

I told you they were lying. You let them get away.

We're on an island. There's only so far they can go.

Let me get this straight.

You, who I might remind you didn't want to blow

off the stingers when we had the chance,

now say we have to go back against astronomical odds just to finish a job that we

would have finished a long time ago if you'd listened to me in the first place.

Yeah, that's pretty much it.

Fine.

Wait here. What is that?

It looks like plastic.

The bunker!

You blew them up.

That's right.

And they blowed up real good, too.

But I thought we decided.

You decided.

Me?

I believe in having a contingency plan.

What do you say, Earl? What do you say we go home?

Good work, both of you.

Thank you, sir. Your call came in time to have the island surrounded.

It was quite a coup to capture Antunas as well as Cusacas.

Antunas must be quite a prize.

Oh, the Brits, the French,

and the Americans are fighting over who's going to

have the right to try him for his terrorist ex.

And Cusacas? Oh, he'll be behind bars for the next 25.

Now, I have to say how pleased I am with the extraordinary

display of teamwork you demonstrated.

Double decaf cappuccino, biscotti. Could I get you two anything?

No. Well, this is very kind of you, but, you

know, this was not necessary. I wanted to.

I just love this office. People here are so nice.

Mr. and Ms. Smith, I don't suppose either of you could use a personal assistant.

No, thank you.

She's trained for action and dressed to kill.

Australia's Peter Wilson stars in the new action

thriller exploding onto your screen,

La Femme Nikita, 9.30 Monday night.

Coming up next, The Late Show with David Letterman.