Original subtitles

Dance?

No, thanks.

Ma'am?

Who are you?

Janitor. You?

Secretary.

Anything else?

Yeah.

I get my ass chewed when I don't dust.

It's pretty obvious we both have work to do.

Why don't I just go, come back later?

No.

Okay, you go.

No.

I don't know about you, but I feel a cramp coming onto my hand.

You don't like my ideas? Fine, let's hear yours.

Security!

Your pants.

Take them off.

Excuse me?

Pants. Now.

Relax. I'm not going to tell anyone.

Glad to see you found a new dance partner.

Kids.

I don't believe it.

He didn't ask anything.

Sex.

It has a way of keeping people from thinking clearly.

And what was that about a new dance partner?

Nothing.

Now what?

I'm Mr. Smith, but that's not my real name.

I'm Mrs. Smith, but that's not my real name either.

You see, we're spies.

But let's face it, this name thing, couldn't it get a little confusing?

People might think we're married.

That's okay.

Why is he down?

Do you want to dance? Do you want to dance?

Nothing's changed. Then who is Mrs. Smith?

I beg your pardon?

Someone else was on the job ahead of me.

The only other person assigned to this case is your partner, whom you've met.

Sorry I'm late.

Scooby.

More like Shaggy.

You like? I figure, when in Rome. Hate to break it to you, but the grunge thing?

Dead.

How come nobody tells me these things? I mean,

it's bad enough coming up with a new identity every gig, but come on.

How about my name? Is that at least okay?

Scooby?

Yeah, yeah, Scooby works.

Now, can we get back to this woman? I can assure you she does not work for us.

Then we've got competition. I'm not surprised.

Two friends, scientists, Stanley Duke and Ernie Evans, create a new energy source.

Cheap, abundant, and clean.

Good thing.

Except Ernie loses his life and Stanley's running for his.

If they did capture lightning in a bottle, there'd be those who want it,

and those who want it buried, along with Ernie and Stanley.

Did you find anything on Ernie Evans' computer? Scoop? Squat.

Sorry, man. Whole system was magnetized.

Wiped clean of any and all pertinent information.

We must find Stanley Duke while he's still alive. Don't worry.

We'll find him.

What about the other stuff? Been waiting for the lab to open.

One strand of hair, female, removed from the interior of your boxer shorts,

and dried saliva, I'm not even gonna ask, scraped from your ear canal.

I need these lab results, stat.

Lab will pull DNA samples, let us know if it

matches anyone in the files. Until then?

Until then, my friend, a gift. From me to you.

Come on.

How'd you find her?

License plate off a rental car. She parked her lot at Thermacor last night.

Caught it on her surveillance tape.

Okay, I'm in.

Loud and clear, and good to go.

Setting the bug.

Petrovich.

Culhane.

Diaz.

Looks like you're not the only one with an identity crisis.

Very funny.

Now what have we here?

Smithy, I got a question for you.

You know, in case you were grabbed and beaten and pumped for information.

Does it bother you that you don't know the real me?

I mean, I'm your partner,

and a situation could come up where you'd have to trust me with your life. No!

How do you do that? You don't even know the real me.

Not even my real name.

That's how it works, Scoop.

Says you gotta trust someone.

You and me, man. I'll never let you down.

So tell me something.

Is Mrs. Smith yours? Sure you trust in her professionals?

I just want to find out what she knows.

I have a feeling she might be a little more dangerous than you think.

Forget Scoop.

We're spies.

We live for danger.

You are the fire behind this fundraiser.

The rest of us just feed off your energy.

Passion.

It's a great cause. Thanks for letting me be a part of it.

Let's get something to eat. I'm famished. Great.

So this is your fiancé, Stanley. He's so handsome.

Will I get a chance to meet him tonight?

No, he can't make it.

Oh, that's too bad. Is he out of town?

I don't know.

Do you want to talk about it?

It's his work.

He does not say much to me. I think to protect me,

because I know that somehow it is dangerous, and I feel like...

Listen to me.

Troubling you with my problems when you hardly know me. No, no, it's okay.

I am so sorry. Let me buy you something to drink.

No, you know what? Wait, wait.

It's my treat.

I'll just stay here and watch your things, okay? Thank you. You're welcome.

Thank you.

Oops.

Shame on you. Even in other people's purses.

What do you want? Just two seconds of your time.

That's all it's going to take to kick your scrawny ass.

My way of saying thanks for last night.

Two seconds.

Kick away.

Confident, aren't we?

Yeah, I was going for smug.

May I have that back, please?

Nah.

Not till I talk to your friend.

I'd like to find out how much she really knows about you.

Be my guest. She's right there.

Mr. Rogers, get away! Forget her! Let's go!

Let's go!

Back! Move, move, move, move, move!

Okay.

Superman, I'm not.

Mm. Mm.

Janine Le Fay, born Chateau, France, March 28th, 1963.

That's nice, but I can get all that from a driver's license. What else you got?

Criminal records. What do we got here? One citation. Fishing without a license.

June of last... Don't suppose you found any gum?

Breath mint, maybe, in Janine's purse? Gum? Maybe what? Breakfast burrito, man.

I know it's not always convenient to brush, but... Sorry.

Credit record.

Looks clean. These are bills on time.

Well, what do you know? The little vixens applied for a marriage license. Whoa.

How's this for El Bizarro coincidence?

According to her application,

the lovely Mademoiselle Le Fay is betrothed to none other than... Stanley Duke,

dynatech physicist and object of our search.

I guess that explains why your mysterious Mrs. Smith took a job at the museum.

She's after Stanley and thinks Janine can lead her to him.

Can she?

This was in her purse.

Amtrak getaways.

For who?

Her.

You know, a mystery woman.

Mrs. Smith or whatever you want to call her. Her. Her.

What are you going to do?

See what she wants, I guess. Hello. Howdy.

So, uh, what brings you here?

Jehovah's Witness. Can we talk?

Depends.

What about?

We can start with what you're doing in there.

Oh, this is my home.

I live here.

Someone's stealing your home.

It's a timeshare.

Should I put a couple of quarters in the meter?

Is there someplace else you'd like to talk?

So you're looking for Stanley Duke, who hired you?

Who hired you? What kind of question is that?

A direct one. I don't believe in being coy.

You don't?

Okay, so who are you working for?

No, I don't.

Just a thought, but maybe we should work on this thing together.

I'd be fine on my own, thanks.

But what if I told you I knew exactly where Stanley Duke was right this moment?

I'd say you were lying.

Okay, worth a shot. But what if I told you I

might know where he was going to be tonight?

I'd wonder what you needed me for.

There's a fundraiser at the museum.

In our program for inner-city kids, invitation only.

Get me in.

You don't really expect Stanley Duke to be there, do you?

It's a big night. His fiancée planned the whole shindig.

I think he might want to be there to share the moment with her.

Risk his life and research to share the moment?

I don't think so. It doesn't make sense.

Love doesn't happen.

Let's say Stanley Duke does show up.

Why would I want you around?

Because you want to keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

I'll think about it.

Who are you, Mrs. Smith?

Hey, Smithy. It's time to get ready.

Yeah.

I think she'll be there.

I don't know.

But that's half the fun, isn't it?

I'm sorry, sir, it's not here.

Listen, buddy, this is a little embarrassing for me.

My family's name is chiseled on that stone wall over there.

We've, uh...

We've been supporters of this museum for the last 15 years.

Are you sure my name isn't on that list?

Yes, I'm sure. Um, do you remember who it is you talked to? Yes, actually.

It was Mrs., um, Ms. Diaz.

Uh, no, I'm sorry. I mean, I'm sorry, Petrovich. Oh.

No Petrovich.

Culhane?

I'm afraid not.

There she is. That's her.

That's, uh... Ah.

Well, step right this way.

So, you're either here because you miss me or you're afraid.

Afraid I might be right.

Afraid.

Afraid you're wrong. I don't see Stanley here, do you?

What's your name?

Stanley, you shouldn't be here.

I knew how much this meant to you.

You mean to me.

Ow.

Sorry.

So what do you accept?

Samba.

No, I don't know.

God, that's Chuck Russell.

That's Ernie's boss?

Stanley, he tried to grab me today.

Come on.

They killed Ernie.

He's leaving.

Who's leaving?

Stanley.

Stanley was here? Yeah.

I told you.

It makes sense.

Stanley!

Emergency bus inspection.

My inner square station headed south,

and there's a guy following them on a skateboard.

So, coming or staying?

We still have a bus to catch, don't we?

There's a woman with him, barefoot.

They got off two stops ago.

They're on foot.

They can't have gone far.

Maybe we should go back and look.

We are not going anywhere.

We were just starting to click.

Click?

You call this clicking?

Yeah, sort of.

I mean, clicking is a subjective term, but I... Are you crazy?

Don't you get it? If it weren't for you, I'd have Stanley and Janine right now.

So what are you doing here?

Good question.

Don't happen again.

Good.

Fine.

Bye.

See you.

I don't think you understand. You see, I have to be on that train.

I do understand, Mr. Smith. There's nothing I can do. The train is full.

That ought to do it. Here you go.

Hey, let me get that for you.

Here you go.

Okay.

Thank you.

No, thank you.

My therapist said that if I don't get on a train, sometime this year...

I don't care what it takes, all right?

You gotta give me... Got your ticket.

Are you sure you had it in your jacket?

I don't know. I thought so.

I looked.

I looked everywhere.

That's weird.

Here, you'll need this. Who am I?

Guy named Brown. With?

Bad eyes. Here.

Got the results of Mrs. Smith's DNA. And?

You gotta remember, tests like this aren't always accurate.

And statistically speaking,

we're looking at a margin of error with a plus or minus... Who is she?

She's an assassin, and apparently very good.

She wants to kill Stan? Have a nice trip. Watch your back.

May I help you?

Oh, yeah. You're this way, Mr. Brown. Okay.

Here you are. Oh, thanks.

Oh, thank you, sir. Mm-hmm.

I'm Mr. Brown. You?

Mrs. Brown, cabin's taken.

Should make for an interesting trip.

If you were staying.

Where am I going to go? The train's overbooked.

I should have thought that before you followed me here. Followed you?

Yes, followed me.

Wait, wait, wait. You think that I followed you?

Why else would you be here?

Right. Right.

You know what?

Why don't I just go see if I can't get you thrown off the train?

You're gonna tell him I'm not Mr. Brown? Fine.

I'll just have to tell him you're not exactly the Mrs. either.

Maybe I can get us both thrown off the train together.

Fine.

So?

Now what?

Okay, it's my turn.

Come in.

With our compliments.

Mr. and Mrs. Brown, my name is Frank. Hi, Frank.

And if there'll be anything else. Actually, there is.

Oh, I understand you're on your honeymoon. No.

No?

It says here that you... He's such a kiddo.

He's such a kiddo.

It's like marriage.

He's such a kiddo.

Well, the dining car is to the left, and if you need any personal room service...

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

He's gone.

You sure?

What was that for?

I thought you wanted me out of here.

I do. We're not finished yet.

We're not?

So tell me, what's your interest in Janine?

I'd like her to live happily ever after, with Stanley.

Oh, I almost believe you.

Why do you do what you do?

I do it because when everything's going right,

when everything's working exactly as I planned it,

it gives me a rush like nothing else I know.

Ever been in love? Of course. Then why don't you give Stanley and Janine a chance?

Emotions can compromise performance. I know.

I'm trying to keep mine in check.

But if I find Stanley first and you try to kill him... Don't worry.

I'll find Stanley first. If you'll excuse me for a minute, please.

Where you going?

I just want to go freshen up a bit.

I'll go with you.

You can follow me everywhere. We're on a train. Where am I going to go?

I'll be right back.

Do you want the complete list of the people

she's killed or the Reader's Digest version?

You said there was some margin of error on the DNA tests.

You're not going soft on me, are you, Smith?

No.

But what if she created that history for herself?

You know, a false identity. We do it all the time.

Woo, you're really reaching now.

Maybe you're right.

Ask me?

Sounds like you're thinking with your... I didn't ask.

Hey, Frank, have you seen my wife?

Uh, nobody. Hey, look, if you guys had an argument,

maybe you should kiss her to make up. How about some more champagne? Great idea.

Great idea.

Listen, I don't suppose...

Ladies, champagne for Miss Janine Le Fay?

You're probably still on your way to the van.

The ladies in her compartment said that she

jumped off before the train left Seattle.

She spotted you? It was a set-up.

She knew that we found the travel brochure and decided to use it as a big,

fat mislead, and we fell for it.

We weren't the only ones.

Where is our Mrs. Smith?

Let's just forget her, okay?

We've got enough problems with Stanley Duke.

Fine, but how do we find him?

Go fish.

Excuse me?

When Janine got on the train,

she was carrying one of those tubes the kind you pack a fishing pole in.

She's gonna meet Stanley somewhere. There's fishing. Great,

and all we gotta do is search every fishing hole in the country.

I love it. Nope.

Only one.

You told me that Janine was cited once for not having a fishing license.

Look and see if the name of the lake's on the citation.

You know this is a long shot. Yeah, but it's the best one we got right now.

Liberty Lake.

It's right there on the citation like you thought.

How far away? It's back up here, Seattle. Relax. Leave the driving to Scooby.

This is definitely the place.

You want me to come in and assist?

Nah.

Just stay back there and keep your eyes open. Let me know if you see anything.

Looks like the road's the only way in. Copy that. Consider me parked.

Anybody home?

He's alone.

He's alone.

Well, I'm still in love. So, so, so, so.

Stupid. What's going on?

I've had enough.

Hold it right there.

I work for a private security outfit. We gather intelligence, economic, scientific,

technological, financial, in the interest of protecting corporate America.

He's a spy.

That term is so out.

We prefer information analysts. He's a spy.

Mr. Duke, there are people who want your research.

If they have to kill you to get it, they will. That's why Dynatech, your company,

hired my firm to find you and bring you back where you can be protected.

How about you? She's an assassin.

She's here to kill you before... I can speak for myself, thank you very much.

I'm not an assassin. She's lying. I'm not lying.

Okay, if you're not here to kill him, then why are you? Wasn't that my question?

Yes, it was, and a damn good one.

I do competitive intelligence for an energy

company operating out of Japan. She's a spy.

Don't you mean information analyst?

The company that hired me heard that you had actually created cold fusion,

power in a jar, lightning in a bottle. Is that true?

Yeah, I did.

We did.

My partner lost his life because of it.

That's why I'm not really sure if I should trust either one of you.

Let me call my partner.

He can put you in touch with Dynatech. They'll confirm that they've hired me.

Call your partner.

Scooby?

Scooby there. They found us.

Please, I promise nothing will happen to you.

We promise. Okay. Back to work.

Why?

Your shotgun. Let me borrow it. I've only got two shells.

They're still inside.

Good.

They're getting away!

Right down there.

Hey, handsome.

Looking for me?

I should probably apologize for running you over with my bike the other night.

But since we both know it was intentional and I'd do it again if I had the chance,

why bother, don't you agree?

Nice gadget. Don't suppose you know where I can get one.

Yeah, you can't.

Unless you know someone.

I find out you're lying about not being an assassin.

I want it back.

Thanks.

Let's go find Russell.

Let me ask you a question, Russell.

Ernie worked for you, for Thermacor.

Did you have to kill him?

Do you have any idea how many billions of dollars oil companies make a year?

Do you?

Cold fusion will destroy them all. Is that what you want?

Is that what anyone wants? How much do they pay you?

I won't harm Stanley.

I just want to talk with him.

Make him a deal.

I promise.

Your promise means nothing to me, Russell.

That was the decoy I got shot at, remember?

Yeah, by a guy who probably never shot a gun before in his life.

Point and shoot. Not that tough to pick up.

You're right, you're right, you're very brave.

I had to be. I didn't think you were ever going to jump.

Well, I did. Now can we go get Stanley and Janina,

or have you forgotten where we left them?

Soon.

Dude, I never even saw what hit me. One minute I'm taking a leak,

next I'm waking up to gunshots and a bad headache. I

got here as fast as I could. What's she doing here?

Oh, it's a long story.

Don't worry, she's okay. Um, are Stanley and, uh, Janine all right? Yeah,

we're on our way to get them right now. Yeah, uh, you go ahead, and I'll round up,

uh, Russell and his guys.

Thanks.

I don't think so.

Well, I hate to say I told you so, but... Who told you I was an assassin?

He did.

That's what I thought, and how well do you know him?

I don't, not really.

He said you didn't see O hit you, so how'd you know Russell was here?

He could have sent anyone. Well, I guess I just assumed.

I mean... Which brings up something else.

How did Russell even find this place?

I'm only here because I eavesdropped on you two, but Russell,

someone had to have told him.

Put it down.

You too.

Hey, whatever, man. I mean, we can sort this out later.

Easy. You'll be okay soon.

My real name is David.

David.

Paris.

Dynatex, given Stanley, laboratory space,

equipment and funding to continue his research there.

That's great.

Mr. Smith, Scooby was not your fault.

He was a good man who fell victim to his own greed, and he'll be punished for it.

You did what you had to.

So what's next?

You fly into New York tonight.

Instructions will be left at your hotel, telling you how to proceed from there.

Solo?

No, partner.

I have arranged your meet for 1900 hours at the Space Needle.

Your new partner has been thoroughly checked out.

Oh, I cannot promise incorruptibility, of course.

But I doubt you'll have any reason to be concerned.

I got canned when I didn't bring the formula back.

I'd like to see it though, wouldn't you?

Lightning in a bottle.

You know, there's a lot about me you're never gonna know.

Same here.

You gonna be okay with this, working together?

Yeah, I think so.

Then let's get started.

Hello, I'm David Raine from Getaway. This week,

tips on how to save money in London,

Katrina explores a privately owned island in WA,

and our guide to picking the right barrier reef island

for you. That's Getaway, tomorrow night, 7.30.

David Letterman is next.