Original subtitles

? Who's the improbable duo That you've heard about? ?

? Faster than a scooter Stronger than metal ?

? Who's the little girl And her domesticated rodent? ?

? Who's still standing When you see The dust settle? ?

? It's Hamster Hamster, Hamster ?

? Hamster and Gretel ?

? If they can't do it Then nobody can ?

? Hamster Hamster, Hamster ?

? Hamster and Gretel ?

? There's also Kevin In the minivan ?

[Ernie] Oh, revenge is sweet!

This town thinks they can put my bakery

out of business and throw me in jail? Ha!

Well, I did plan to catapult an enormous cake

at innocent people and in retrospect,

a bakery that exclusively made divorce cakes

wasn't the best business venture, but still...

[slurps] Mmm! Perfect.

With just a push of that button,

this entire town,

including Hamster and Gretel,

will drown in my delicious batter!

[laughs evilly]

Ouch!

A splinter on my button-pushing finger.

I should probably have someone take a look at this

and then I'll have my revenge.

Hey mom! Dropped off Dad and Gretel at their movie night

and I am ready to go. I am starving.

Ay mi vida, I'm so sorry,

I can't leave for dinner yet.

What? But I didn't eat all day to prepare for Patty's Pasta Pit.

[man reading]

Where the pasta is so unlimited

we have to put it in a pit!

And be sure not to miss Monster Meatball Mondays!

[all cheering]

Sorry, Kevin.

It's so busy and we're understaffed.

You'll have to wait.

[sighs] Well, where am I supposed to do that?

In the waiting room.

A room specifically made for waiting.

But, Mom, I'm really, really hungry.

And there's a machine specifically made for hunger.

[woman over PA] Code maroon! Code maroon!

Oh no! Someone got their head stuck in a tuba again.

I have to go!

- [stomach growls] - [groans]

Come on.

There we go.

[beeps]

Yes!

Mmm...

Huh?

[sighs] "Expired 89"?

1889?

[groans]

Excuse me? Is this room with

the very delicious-smelling food open to the public?

Doctors only.

- [stomach growls] - Relax. I'm working on it.

Ah-ha!

Yep. I'm just a doctor.

First in my class at...

Medical Place.

Hey, my sister graduated from Medical Place.

Tough school.

[sighs] I can't believe that worked. Finally.

Stop right there, you fraud!

- Huh? - Admit it! Admit the truth.

Admit you are not a teenage boy.

- Wait. What? - Dr. Potatini, I am on to you.

Your claims of being the world's youngest

teen boy doctor are false.

It's all a ruse for you to get the fame

and the fanfare and fancy portrait.

How did I not notice that?

It used to be me on that wall.

The world's most famous middle-aged doctor.

I will prove you are not teenaged

but regular age, posing as a teenager

for the headlines.

You're going down.

Ah! Uh, okay.

You go do that.

There's a real doctor who looks like me in a wig?

Are you kidding me? I should probably get out of here.

After a sandwich.

- Dr. Potatini! - [exclaims]

- Oh! I'm not- - There's no time!

We have an emergency!

Wait, there's been a misunderstanding.

See, I was just really hungry, so-

Sir, the doctor is here to see you.

- [gasps] - Ernie the Evil Baker?

Well, it's technically Ernie Baker.

The "Evil" is just a nickname.

Are you going to pull this splinter out or not?

- It's urgent! - Urgent?

Yes!

It's my button-pressing finger.

I have a very important button to press

that will trigger my evil plot to...

Wait, eh, forget that part.

It's just a regular plot.

Please remove the splinter.

Uh, splinter. Right.

Well I need to go...

get a second opinion before we do anything.

Be right back.

Curse my phobia of pressing buttons with my left hand!

- Come on, Gretel, pick up. Pick up. - [phone trilling]

- [man] Welcome to Sticky Floor Cinemas. - [phone ringing]

[man] We kindly ask you to silence your cell phones.

Seriously, turn it off.

If you let your phone ring

you will be publicly shamed

and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law!

- Wow. Hardcore. - [man] Quiet.

And now, for your feature presentation.

[Gretel] Please leave me a message.

- [beeps] - Ugh! Gretel, Ernie the Evil Baker

got out of prison and is at Mom's hospital with some evil plan.

I'm stalling, but hurry.

So, uh,

I got a second opinion and it turns out

you need X-rays on all your bones

to make sure this splinter isn't...

holding you together somehow.

Is that even the real thing?

Hey! Dr. Potatini is the most respected

teen doctor in the country.

Do people just carry those around?

Let's get this patient to X-ray, stat.

No, no! But my evil- I mean, regular plot cannot wait!

Well, that should tie him up for a bit.

Now I just gotta lay low.

And finally get some food.

- Relax while you can, Dr. Potatini! - [exclaims]

I have my eyes on you.

Do you have nothing better to do?

- Not really. - Dr. Fry, this kidney is starting to prune.

Ahh, the kidney. This isn't over, Potatini!

- Dr. Potatini! - [screams]

[thud, splat]

[sighs] What now?

- Mr. Baker's X-rays are done. - Already?

And it looks like the splinter is not

holding the patient together. Should we remove it?

No! No... we have to do a, uh...

Beep, boop... We have to do a Beep Boop panel.

"A Beep Boop panel"?

You know, to test that he's not a robot.

Don't question me. I'm a teen prodigy.

Come on, Gretel, check your phone.

- The President's brain is in a lemur? - [phone ringing]

[woman] Again?

You have the right to remain silent.

The very opposite of what you just did.

- [groans] - Dr. Potatini! There you are!

You're expected at the auditorium for your big lecture!

Big lecture? But I have sick patients!

The timing is horrible, but we already printed the programs!

Um, hello, everyone. I am Dr. Potatini.

And today I will be talking about.

Pseudo...

pseudo... [mumbles] ...ism.

[sighs] You know what? I can't do this.

I don't know what I was thinking. I'm a fraud, okay?

I'm not a doctor.

I'm just a hungry boy wearing a doctor's coat,

pretending to be a doctor.

That's exactly how I feel.

Yeah, we're all just children

trying to make sense of this crazy world.

I also feel like an impostor.

[all murmuring]

[growls]

Sir, just point to all the pictures that have a traffic light.

And what does this test have to do with my splinter?

What is going on in here? Who ordered the Beep Boop panel.

Actually, it was-

I just want I want to take this splinter

- out of my finger. - Oh, okay.

- [pops] - [clatters]

Oh, no! That splinter really was holding me together somehow.

- [Carolina] Stop moving. - Huh?

I said, "Stop moving!" I can't take this out.

Oh, I'm sorry. I was just imagining that-

Ow!

Finally, now I can take my revenge

and drown this town in gallons of sweet, sticky dough.

I should really stop saying my plans out loud.

And that's what medicine is really about.

It's about all of you. It's about me.

But most of all, it's about our patients.

- We are saving lives! - [all cheer and applaud]

I'm Dr. Potatini. Goodnight!

Fools! I'll prove to you all that that man is a fraud!

- Envy's not a good look, Robert. - [growls]

And here's your wallet, your bag and your ominous-looking remote.

- Just sign here. - [gasps]

No no! Wait! You can't go! What about your splinter?

Oh, a nurse took it out because I'm not a robot!

Wait! Before you leave I just need to do one more thing!

Um... take your pulse.

- [grunts] - Wait! My ominous remote

that will drown the entire town in batter.

Hmm.

[? upbeat music playing]

? Paging Dr. Potatini ?

? He's not really a doctor He just likes the snacks ?

? Paging Dr. Potatini ?

? He didn't know his patient Was a maniac ?

? Paging Dr. Potatini ?

? He's got a wig A stethoscope A pleasant bedside manner ?

? Paging Dr. Potatini ?

? But now he needs To save the town ?

? From being Drowned in batter ?

? Up against An evil baker all alone ?

? It would help a lot If Gretel would Pick up the phone ?

? But she's in a movie ?

? Paging Dr. Potatini ?

? He's an underage doctor He's a superstar ?

? Paging Dr. Potatini ?

? He can render aid But he can't vote Or rent a car ?

? His sister would be helpful She has super powers ?

? But she's incommunicado For at least two hours ?

? Cuz she's in a movie ?

? Paging Dr. Potatini! ?

[beeping]

[grunts]

- [clatter] - Ugh, darn it.

[laughs]

I've got you.

Now hand over the remote

or be the first to drown in my batter.

- [gasps] - You see this batter gun

is a smaller version of my larger device

that will fill the entire-

[chuckles] There I go again, over-explaining!

[powering up]

- [squelching] - [gurgling]

How are you eating all this?

Oh... Because... I'm...

hungry!

[exclaims]

[Ernie] Fool!

Your meddling ends here.

- [thud] - Ah-ha!

I've got your school transcripts Potatini.

See right here. It says you are-

Carry the one...

Ooh, 16 years old.

Well, this is awkward.

All right. Wish I had read this before storming in here.

[whispers] Better get back to the OR.

[clattering]

[thuds]

Fine! Take me to jail!

I'll just bake a cake in the shape of a key!

What are you in for?

I didn't turn my phone off at the movies.

How could you put me back here with this monster!

Kevin, there you are.

[sighs] Crazy day, huh?

Always is. Ready for the Pasta Pit?

Um, can we just go home? I'm actually not hungry anymore.

Oh, no. Did you have too many vending machine snacks?

Yeah, let's... Let's go with that.

[woman] We did it Johnson.

We got the President's brain out of that lemur.

Mama mia! 68 missed calls?

What is going on at the hospital?

Uh, did that guy look like Kevin in a wig?

Nah, I don't see it.

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