Original subtitles

MITCHELL: Like many leaders of the free world,

I've learned that battling forces

of evil can wreak havoc with your budget.

Unlike countries that can float loans

or issue bonds to cover their debts,

I have to depend on my allowance.

After asking my dad for one advance too many,

he enrolled me in Eerie's Junior Executive's Club,

for an education in economic realities.

So far, I've learned how to dress like a dork.

MR. STEPFORD: Image is everything.

Before leaving the house, the young,

junior executive,

carefully checks, double checks,

his image.

Mr. Stepford, now that we're in...

Remember, you are all petals,

of the future...

flower, that is business.

RODNEY: Yeah, right.

Mr. Covington.

I take it that you

do not see yourself,

as the flowering of the entrepreneurial,

spirit, am I correct? No.

I just don't think the world needs more people

with wrinkly shiny shoes.

Mr. Stepford...

What are you doing here, Rodney?

My parents...

won't let me ride my motorbike unless I come.

Your parents would like you

to have some kind of a goal.

I already have a goal in life.

To ride your motorcycle around the world,

not exactly a sterling ambition.

Mr. Stepford, I have this product...

Memo me, Mr. Hope. Memo me.

Meeting at the Eerie junior executive's club,

is terminated for today.

Except for you, Mr. Covington.

You and I are going to have a little chat.

You and I are going to talk,

about your bright,

and shining, future.

MITCHELL: I didn't know it then.

but Rodney's immediate future wasn't as bright

as Mr. Stepford had promised.

MITCHELL: I do solemnly swear

that everything I am about to tell you is true.

A spill of weirdness from another dimension

turned my hometown into the center of weirdness

for the entire universe.

Don't believe me? Just watch.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

All I am saying is I think Stepford is a real whackadoo.

Mitchell, it's easy for a junior executive

to get his corporate leaders

big picture thinking messed up with whackadoo-ness.

Where did you get that from?

The JE business primer.

It was under unquestioning loyalty.

See, that's what I mean,

JE is all about stuff like...

whose name goes first on the memo.

I really admire Rodney for standing up to him though.

He won't have to go to anymore meetings.

You are both missing the point, compadre.

Success belongs to the long term player.

Maybe that's why Mr. Stepford is taking such a long time

on my marketing scheme. "Marketing scheme"?

I'm launching a whole new line of fridge magnets.

Which unlike your ordinary fridge magnets,

are shaped like...

magnets.

Got a whole box of them down at the community hall.

Stanley, there can't really be a lot of money...

in magnets.

You talking about money, Hope?

Because it... it appears we didn't collect any lunch money

from you today. Ah, Newt...

I don't have any lunch money.

Everybody's got lunch money.

Newt, lunch was four hours ago.

Stanley spent his lunch money.

He has? Yeah.

If you want to steal a kid's lunch money,

you have to do it when he is going to school.

Not from it. Didn't anybody tell you that?

That's lesson 12.

Steal a kid's lunch money when he is going to school.

Not from it.

How about taking it outside, huh, Newt?

Your sanctioned street gang

with the, store bully font like you're horning it on their turf.

Next time... catch me earlier.

Hey, pick on somebody your own size.

Wha! [SCREAMS]

You're...

You're about my size, Taylor.

I meant by weight.

You got a scale?

Come on! Ee!

You...

could exemplify everything that this club stands for.

Selfless dedication.

Punctuality.

Neatness.

Why, is this all that you care about?

It's what you should be caring about.

Well, I am not interested.

And if I had upset you, I am sorry.

If that upsets my parents, I am sorry.

But I got to be me.

Rodney.

This conversation is not over.

Good morning, Mom. Good morning, Dad.

Carrie, weren't you a little late getting in last night?

Sorry, Tommy had car trouble.

"Car trouble"?

Yeah, when he dropped me off he noticed this

hook hanging from the door handle.

Hmm.

Make sure he has it checked before you go out again.

Okay.

MITCHELL: Good morning, everybody.

ALL: Good morning, Mitchell.

Isn't that the same shirt you wore yesterday?

Still clean.

That's not the point.

You wear fresh clothes everyday.

It's a sign of self esteem.

I thought it was a sign you liked to do laundry.

Did you get all your homework done?

Most of it. Oh, Dad, I need my allowance early this week.

What have we decided about these...

allowance advances.

I know, but I need to buy a Philadelphia experiment kit.

I thought you already had one.

Well, I did, but it disappeared.

Are you learning anything at JE?

Will you give me my allowance if I wear a tie?

Well, that would be a start.

I was hoping maybe you had a plan

for generating some capital of your own.

I've got these treasure maps

that belong to a headless pirate.

[DOORBELL RINGS] I'll get it.

Probably Stanley. See if he wants breakfast.

Hello, Mitchell.

I am collecting for my charity of the day,

Victims of Hostile Takeovers.

Care to contribute?

Mom, Dad, Carrie.

This is Rodney Covington.

He is in JE with me.

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Taylor.

My, my, what a lovely home you have.

Carrie.

No offense to your brother, but you have been blessed

with the looks in the family.

Mr. and Mrs. Taylor, I am not sure whether Mitchell

informed you, but the club collects for the charity.

We do?

Mitchell, why don't you go change your shirt?

You do want to be like the other kids.

Rodney, do you manage to do your homework every night?

Of course, sir.

A junior Executive always completes the task required,

within the time frame required.

My sentiments exactly. Hmm.

Now I am sure that...

Mitchell would mind contributing his allowance.

Rodney, is this some kind of joke?

Being late for school, Mitchell, is no joke.

It's like being late,

for your own future.

Ta-da. [THUNDER RUMBLING]

MRS. TAYLOR: Oh, it's going to rain.

It's been very nice to meet all of you.

Farewell.

Mitchell.

He's different.

We ran into Miss. Lovelace, the French teacher.

He had a whole conversation with her,

in French. Hmm.

Maybe he is practicing for his world tour.

Hmm.

One day he is a classic troubled teenager,

the next, he is explaining

how an index pension will keep me out of trouble in my twilight years.

Forget your twilight years,

you're in trouble now.

[SNAPS FINGERS]

Come on, Newt, this is stupid.

Yeah? We're still gonna do it.

Get on the scale.

Gentlemen, gentlemen, please.

I am sure we can reasonably arbitrate

a win-win solution here.

What he means... I know what he means.

He means I am a lame brain,

and he is a smarty pants.

Hmm, close enough.

[GRUNTS]

[SCREAMS] Food fight!

[AMUSING INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[BELL DINGS]

[BELL DINGS]

[BELL DINGS]

This is place of business!

[GRUNTS]

[BELL DINGS]

Mr. Hope.

It is time that we discussed your bright,

and shining future.

Stanley still isn't picking up.

Something must've gone wrong.

Maybe he decided to go into the airmail food business.

Gotta go check it out.

Mitchell. Honest to goodness.

He'd think it was the end of the world.

[SIGHS] Just might be.

[DOORBELL RINGING]

Hello, Mitchell.

Mr. and Mrs. Taylor, Carrie.

I am collecting for the broker's restricted

from insider trading.

It's the junior executive's charity of the day.

MITCHELL: People describe business in brutal terms.

Dog eat dog, killing the competition.

But I was sure Stanley had become the victim

of a real life hostile takeover.

Mr. Crawford, how much do you know about Mr. Stepford?

Oh, let's see...

He runs an investment firm.

Likes to share his knowledge with the youngsters.

Does he really know anything about business?

Oh, many successful people have gone through that club of his.

There's Mayor Carver,

former vice president,

and that guy from Seattle with the computers.

Well, how long has he been running JE?

Oh, since I was a kid at least.

How can that be, he doesn't look a day over 40.

Well, you know what they say, working with kids

keeps you young. Hmm.

Stanley, what's this all about?

Mr. Stepford says we need to collect funds,

for those fallen in the endless corporate struggle.

Any of you guys want to tell me what's with the hair?

A junior executive should always reflect the image

of his Chief executive.

And never be late for a meeting.

Excuse us.

Stanley.

I thought you might need some cheering up,

I got you a present.

Here. [BUZZING]

MR. STEPFORD: Boys.

The junior executive meeting is about to begin.

Will you be coming, Mr. Taylor?

Ah, yeah.

Good.

MR. STEPFORD: Profits.

Profits.

And how do we create these profits?

We create these profits...

by bringing more people into the...

pyramid. Any questions?

Can I help you?

Mr. Stepford, sir.

Allow me to introduce my parents.

Is there something wrong? MR. COVINGTON: Oh, no, sir.

Exactly the opposite.

We just like to thank you

for the positive influence you've had on our son.

MR. COVINGTON: Rodney's always been...

a difficult child.

But lately, he's been well.

Perfect. We just wanted to thank the man

who made our son what he is today.

Well, thank you.

Nothing gives me greater pleasure,

than transforming our youth,

into useful members,

of our society. Thank you.

MRS. COVINGTON: Come home right after your club meeting, dear.

I made your favorite, meat loaf.

RODNEY: Of course, mother.

MR. COVINGTON: See you then, son.

Well...

Profits are our motive.

Our motive is profits.

Yes, any questions, yes, Rodney?

[BLEATS]

All right, that's it.

Meeting is over.

Go on, go, scoot.

Come on, scram.

Meeting's over. Goodbye.

Now there is no reason you should be acting this way.

Mm-hmm.

Now, I warned you about these.

These disrupt your magnetic flow.

Unbutton your shirt.

Little juice. You'll be just fine.

[ELECTRICAL BUZZING]

[MUFFLED SCREAMS]

Your replacements are functioning perfectly.

So perfectly, that tonight, I will get rid of the originals.

[MUFFLED SCREAMS]

Hang in there, Stanley. You too, Rodney. I am going for help.

[MUFFLED SCREAMS]

Hello, Mitchell.

Uh, hi.

Stanley.

You're not supposed to be in here after the meeting.

Oh, well, I was just... waiting for you.

I was gonna walk you home.

You are going home?

Let me carry this for you.

Don't remember bringing that here.

No? It's got your name on it.

Sorry about this.

But I need some help.

Stepford had to know enough about real Stanley

in need to pass for Stanley,

and I just need to find it.

[ELECTRICAL VOICE] Oh, dizzy, dizzy.

Gimme your answer, dude.

[IN A DIFFERENT VOICE] Dave, I am scared, Dave.

Hell.

[STANLEY'S VOICE] Hello, Mitchel, what we do today?

Today...

Okay, that'll have to do.

Today... Okay, I need some help.

Let's go.

"Help." What friends are for.

"Help."

Me help Eerie. All right, come on.

We got to get through this door.

You are made of metal. You know what to do.

Door locked.

I know it's locked.

Break it down, kick it in, do something.

Here's a key.

[MUFFLED SCREAMS]

Mitchell, you're the best.

Okay, now get us out of here.

Come on.

Get that thing away from me.

You've seen it before?

"Seen it"? Huh.

I had to watch Stepford make it.

He dressed me up.

Gave me this haircut and sent that thing out

collecting money so he can do this to somebody else.

Guys, get me out of these things.

Look out, look out, look out!

You're the one tried to sabotage Rodney.

That's not Rodney.

It will be soon.

And I have a feeling that he is going to have some company.

Oh, don't worry.

Your parents won't miss you.

They'll be too thrilled,

by their perfectly new,

perfectly obedient,

perfectly diligent,

perfectly perfect,

child.

Nobody's perfect.

I am.

And you will be, as well.

No!

[SCREAMS]

Pick on somebody your own size!

Yeah! "Pick on somebody your own size."

Let him go.

[BUZZING]

Stanley.

No!

[SCREAMS]

Stanley!

Stanley.

STANLEY: Ooh!

Huh, that was way cool.

He grabbed the one he built.

I would've told you sooner.

It's just, he'd have known too.

[GRUNTS]

Do you think you could save it for later,

and maybe work on untying me!

[SIGHS]

Hey, Mitchell, what are we gonna do about him?

Oh.

Believe me, this guy is living proof,

or at least a good fat simile that Eerie really is weird.

Now people will have to believe us.

Oh, yeah, that's if you tell them.

What, are you kidding? Why wouldn't we tell them?

Because then you'd have to explain where I am.

And that might take some explaining.

Wait, where you going?

Boys, come on, it's my chance to see the world here.

I finally get what I want, my parents finally...

get what they want...

and if I am lucky, I'll probably get back right

when this thing's graduated from college,

probably top of it's class.

If you ask me,

I got pretty bright and shiny future.

See you later, boys.

STANLEY: What are we gonna do?

We'll never get away with this.

Doesn't look like we've got much of a choice.

[MOTORCYCLE REVVING]

His parents were pleased with the new version.

MITCHELL: I sometimes wonder if we made the right choice,

covering for Rodney,

but he got to live his dreams,

instead of becoming a real junior executive,

And doing nothing more daring than writing

an occasional bold memo.

Hey, I am really gonna miss Rodney's goofing around.

He was pretty funny.

I've still got a couple of magnets.

[BUZZING]

MITCHELL: The truth is, it's real easy to fit in,

but life's a lot more fun if you just be who you are.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]