Original subtitles

MRS. TAYLOR: Come on, sleepyhead, shake a leg!

Coming, Mom.

My name is Mitchell Taylor. And I've lived in Eerie, Indiana, all my life.

Up to now, my biggest complaint was that everything was too normal.

I always wished something would happen. Something weird even.

If only I'd listened to that old saying,

"Be careful what you wish for. It might come true."

That's my family. Officially, the most normal average family

in the most normal average town in the country.

If people only knew what I've come to know about Eerie.

Uh, Mom, I found this thing in my sweater.

That's nice.

Morning, hon.

Mom's a software engineer.

She programmed the entire Eerie nuclear plant from right here at this table.

Maybe that's why downtown Eerie has that funny glow at night.

[FROG CROAKING]

My sister Carrie spends way too much time looking in the mirror.

I've never peeked in her diary but something tells me nobody else makes an appearance.

That's my dad. He's a science professor at EU.

People figure science professors are kind of old fashioned and boring.

Those people have probably met my dad.

Has anyone noticed anything strange happening lately?

The only thing strange I know about is a young man who hasn't cleaned his room in two weeks.

Well. That's not strange.

It's not good. But it's not strange.

Well, I meant, you know, odd.

Unnatural? Abnormal? Peculiar?

Abhorrent?

That thesaurus is sure paying off.

Weird. That's what I'm trying to say, that some really weird thing is going on around here.

Mitchell, if anything weird is happening around here, I promise you

your father and I would be the first to notice.

Now eat your cereal.

[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

Uh, you know, I kinda think I'm not that hungry.

I'm gonna go meet Stanley down at the World O'Stuff.

Oh, Mitchell. When you're out, I need you to do me a favor.

Ted's Cable Stop? "More channels than you thought you ever needed."

Two thousand channels.

And for a surprisingly low price.

What do we need 2000 channels for?

CARRIE: Well, everyone's getting them.

I hear they've got ten fashion channels.

And see? 46 sci-fi channels. How does that sound?

Better than the 52 educational channels, I guess.

I've already ordered it.

I just need you to drop off the deposit.

MITCHELL: Sure 46 channels of sci-fi sounded cool.

But I had no idea that I was about to come face to face,

mano a mano, eyeball to eyeball with 2000 channels of weirdness.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

MITCHELL: The guy beside me is Stanley, my next door neighbor.

He's just a kid but I let him hang out with me because his mom's always working.

As far as I know, they only communicate by fax and email.

Uh, Stanley, have you noticed anything strange happening lately?

Strange? Like the blueberries in my pancake spelling out "danger"?

That would be strange.

Then I guess I have. You?

Well, I found a shrunken head in my sweater,

something creepy jumped out of the fridge and my cereal told me to beware.

We could email my mom. Maybe she'd...

Refer us to some web link.

Hey, cool!

Hey, look at me. I'm a tabloid TV host.

Tonight, on our show, boys who talk to their cereal and parents who ignore them.

Our first guest today is Eerie's own Mitchell Taylor.

Mitchell. Is it true that the sugar coated cereals make

better conversation than the healthier whole grain cereals?

Well, I used to talk exclusively to the multi grain...

BOY: Psst, over here.

Guys, thank goodness we got through to you. You gotta listen.

Listen? Who are you guys?

My name's Marshall Teller and this is Simon Holmes.

We're calling you from Eerie, Indiana.

We're in Eerie, Indiana.

You're not gonna believe this but we're from another dimension of Eerie.

You're right. That is hard to believe. Got any proof?

What's the matter? Don't you read your breakfast?

That was you? Yeah.

Who are you guys anyway? You look so much like us.

I'm Stanley. This is Mitchell.

Okay, listen. Our dimension of Eerie is the center of all weirdness in the universe.

Simon and me have found out that something's ripped a hole between our Eerie and yours.

The weirdness is spilling out into your world and we have to stop it. Mitchell, listen...

MAN: Good morning to you! Ted Tanner is the name, televised entertainment is the game.

Ho-ho. I see you're checking out the Dish Commander 2000.

She is a marvel, isn't she?

So, what do you think of my specialty channels? Hm?

Have you ever seen anything like that?

I'm sure we'd like them if we knew what they were supposed to be.

Oh, don't worry about it. That's why we give away a guide with every dish installed.

That. Oh, that's the all Jell-O channel. And there. That's the Theatre of the Absurd network.

They're still Waiting for Godot.

Oh... Yeah...

And that. Ho-ho-ho. What the heck? Even I don't know which one that is.

Wait. Don't tell me. I know. You love it! Right?

Actually I find it a little weird.

Oh, now, come on, son.

Everybody wants something a little different. They need it!

Why, I haven't been in Eerie long, but between you and I, this place is a little boring.

And what, I say, what is the problem?

You guessed it. Not enough channels!

And that is where I come in. So,

when can I install one of these fine dishes in your place of residence?

MITCHELL: Oh, uh... Any time, I guess.

My dad wanted me to drop off our deposit.

Congratulations! [LAUGHS]

MITCHELL: When confronted with stuff that doesn't make sense,

Stanley and me resort to extreme measures.

I submit to you... The Black Cow.

More chocolate per sip than any beverage known to man.

And a definite tonic for whatever ails you.

The secret's in the sprinkles.

Mr. Crawford, do you know two kids named Marshall and Simon?

Sure. I love that show.

You've seen them?

Ever since I got my new Dish Commander 2000, I see it all.

So the parking lot...

I can watch the mall management network 24 hours a day.

The mall management network?

Oh, it's fascinating.

Flow patterns. Plant placement. Drinking fountains.

What more could you ask for in entertainment?

Yeah, can't begin to imagine.

Look at it.

MITCHELL: It was bad enough that our airwaves were starting to be infected

with junk I knew could be nothing short of weird.

But those kids on the TV were right.

The same twisted stuff was starting to leak out into our very own reality.

It had to have something to do with those dishes.

And I had just ordered one for my own home.

Stanley, we gotta get home.

See ya.

Mom, Dad, are you okay?

Well, of course they're okay. There we go. All set. Hey!

Why don't you fire it up there, neighbor?

You do the honors, honey.

That would be the evolution channel. One of my personal favorites.

Heck, who am I kidding? They're all favorites. Oh, you folks are gonna love it!

Folks.

Folks. Hey, hey! Time enough for that later.

Why don't we step in the next room and dispense with the paperwork?

Paperwork? That's it.

This is not good, Stanley. Not good to the max.

We've got an exit ramp from the weirdness super highway right in our living room.

We'll be okay, Mitchell. All we have to do is disconnect the dish.

Stanley! Whoa.

You okay?

Whoa! Ho-ho-ho.

You boys watch it now, you hear?

There is some serious voltage driving that little dog.

Enjoy it now. [LAUGHS]

What are we gonna do?

Mitchell.

It took us forever to get through. The spill is getting worse!

MITCHELL: Tell me about it.

We're sure there's a connection between all these new satellite dishes and the weirdness.

See, Simon? I knew these guys would get it. We think it all started when my family

got a satellite dish. A whole bunch of strange things in Eerie began disappearing.

MARSHALL: The problem is the weirdness is transferring faster now.

If we don't stop it soon, the whole thing is going to reach critical mass.

Critical mass? Uh, what do you mean?

Eerie, as you and I know it, will cease to exist across all the dimensions.

We gotta stop that from happening.

SIMON: That might be harder than it sounds.

We have to work together and we can't do it without you.

MITCHELL: It was at the moment Stanley and I came to our own personal moment of truth.

We knew that we had to join our strange other-dimensional friends in a battle royal

against weirdness.

It wasn't just normality on the line. It was to be our very existence.

Eerie, Indiana, day five. The weirdness in town was increasing.

Elapsed time from golf channel to golf channel, 29 minutes flat.

Man, that's some awesome surf.

Are you sure it's the same golf channel?

There's more than one?

We'll never get that remote. Mom and dad haven't moved for days.

Carrie hasn't gone out on a date all week.

That's beyond unusual.

Let's head down to the World O'Stuff and see if we can use Crawford's TV.

I'm going out. Do you need anything.

They want more potato chips.

Well, hi-ya, fellas. Care for a black cow?

No thanks, Mr. Crawford. We just wanted to use one of your TVs.

Oh, well, they're all full up right now, fellas, but, uh...

Looks like booth number three is starting to nod off a little bit.

Whatever happened to spending a little quality time with the family?

My, my, when people find something they like, they just can't get enough of it.

Please take one of these. How do, how do. Oh, bless you, brother.

Oh, hi, how's the multi-cable connection to the new dish working out, Crawford?

Oh, super-duper, Ted. I'm already sold out of pretzels, chips and eye drops.

Ho-ho, like I said, TV is the workhorse of our consumer society.

And all TV asks is that you think, merely think

about purchasing some of its fine products and ideas.

No obligations, no expectations, no hard feelings

if you're not buying today, no.

Just have a look-see is all TV asks.

Oh, the medium is so generous.

So compassionate, so understanding.

It does your thinking for you. It is your friend.

It gives so much and asks so little. And yet...

There are some who don't rush to embrace it.

They don't. No.

But TV doesn't hold that against them. No, sir!

You see, TV knows that it's not their fault.

TV takes the blame.

But TV knows what to do. Give you more channels.

More channels?

As many as it takes until we find the one. The one that is right for you!

And then you and TV can become one.

Meanwhile, I've got 30 more houses to hook up before nightfall.

And we are going for total penetration. Hallelujah, boys!

Weird.

Hm? Oh, absolutely. But a heck of a salesman.

Howdy. I'm not here right now. I'm out helping another happy customer.

But come on in and sample what Ted's dishes can do for you.

Stanley, I'm telling you. Eerie got weird right after Ted started putting up dishes.

But come on in and sample...

I got an idea.

Whoa.

Whoa, this is one honking big channel changer.

[WHIRRING]

[WHISTLING]

[SIGHS]

Ho-ho-ho! Teddy boy! Looks like you've got more orders than dishes.

Well, you're gonna have to head back to the other Eerie for supplies.

[WHIRRING]

[LAUGHING]

MITCHELL: Channel triple zero's the link to the other dimension of Erie!

Ted uses that switcher to create a doorway and then goes through to get his supplies!

There has to be a store just like his back there. We gotta tell Marshall and Simon.

But how? That TV remote's become a part of your dad's body.

Maybe even the most important part.

So Stanley, you didn't happen to catch the Sandwich Channel last night, did you?

No, Mitchell, what was on?

They were making big sandwiches.

You know, three kinds of cold cuts, four kinds of cheese.

Pickles.

Pickles.

Did they do that thing with the tomato?

MITCHELL: Oh, you mean where they slice them real thin and then slather on the mayo?

Mayo.

And Dijon? Don't forget the lettuce!

I'm ready for a snack. Anybody else?

Me too. I'm starved.

Uh, you guys can go ahead. We'll just keep track of your channel.

All right.

Mitchell. Marshall, we just found out more about Mr. Tanner.

Yeah, so did we.

Let me guess, you went to his store and saw him go into the TV?

Close. We saw him come out of it.

STANLEY AND SIMON: He's the connection. Hey, you just said what I said.

No, you just said what I said!

MITCHELL AND MARSHALL: This could get really tiresome.

Our only hope is to block the channel he's using to go back and forth.

How do you block a TV channel?

Wait. He tunes into channel triple zero.

And then uses that switcher to create a doorway between the two dimensions of Eerie.

If we could both turn off the switcher at the exact same time,

we'll shut down the connection.

[RUMBLING]

SIMON: Whoa! Was that an earthquake?

You guys felt it, too?

That was no earthquake. That was the dimensions of Eerie starting to come apart.

Let's get going.

What were they watching?

MR. TAYLOR: Looks like the real estate channel.

[GRUNTING]

MITCHELL: I don't see Marshall or Simon.

Let's just get this channel closed up...

Can't switch, fellas. They change.

They become part of the off net program.

But they never never close.

You're the reason all the weirdness is in Erie.

Hey, I don't make the shows, kid.

I'm not talking about the shows. I'm talking about stuff like that.

[GROWLS]

Mr. Tanner, channel triple zero is tearing the dimensions of Eerie apart.

Don't be a party-poop, kid.

Nothing good ever comes without side effects.

[RUMBLING]

Side effects? Mr. Tanner, channel triple zero is going to destroy everything!

That channel is my future, kid! Before I found it, I was just a nobody.

A lowly cable guy scratching out a living.

And then one night, I got struck by a big bolt of lightning!

Somehow I got sent to this place.

It was still Eerie but with a few small differences and one big one.

Nobody... Nobody had a satellite dish.

And then I realized I'd been chosen by television

to help a whole new audience!

And I can also make a fortune.

You gotta stop. Stop? Ha!

No. See, I'd always wanted

the people who watched television to notice me.

And this is my chance!

But if we don't switch off that channel, Eerie will come apart!

You'll not only destroy this Eerie but the one you came from.

I'm sorry to tell you, kid, but Eerie is a minor market.

You see, I'm getting into programming tiers.

MARSHALL: Guys, we're closing our switch. You'll see a test pattern.

When you close yours, the connection will be gone.

Today, Eerie. Tomorrow...

[WHIRRING]

No!

No!

No! No!

MARSHALL: Mitchell, always remember,

hunt down the weirdness, save the evidence!

We did it.

[SCREAMING]

Well, he wanted everyone who watched TV to notice him.

Like I said, be careful what you wish for.

[TV TEST SOUND]

MITCHELL: When Ted left, his 2000 channels went with him.

My family returned to what passed for normal in our house.

Like everybody else, they hadn't noticed that Eerie

had suddenly become more interesting and exciting.

Not to mention a whole lot scarier.

I'm really gonna miss Marshall and Simon. They seem like really nice guys.

Yeah. And I guess in a way they kind of passed the torch.

Starting tomorrow, we're hunting down whatever weirdness got through from the other Eerie.

From here on out, we're on our own.

Here's our first piece of evidence.

I wonder what else we'll wind up with.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Howdy, boys. I'm your new neighbor.

My satellite dish isn't working. I was wondering if you folks got the Sandwich Channel.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]