Original subtitles

- Fuck.

Hey, it's me.

My car quit on me.

I'm up by the lake if you could come and get me.

Sorry, I, I didn't know anyone else was out here.

- So, what happened with Dan?

- Ugh.

- Really?

It was that bad, huh?

- He was fine, after he got a quickie.

- Oh God.

- He's like a horny teenager.

- Well, they usually are, in the beginning.

- Do you know what he said to me?

- What?

- Come on, babe, what do you think it's there for?

It's not an ornament.

- God.

Well, that's new.

What'd you say?

- Nothing, I was too busy laughing.

Oh, hey, I stashed my gun in the closet, just FYI.

- Can you just make sure that the girls don't see it?

Nah, uh, I just don't wanna freak 'em out, you know?

- Well, what do you think I am,

some douche bag waving my gun around to impress strangers?

- They're not strangers.

Okay, they're my nieces.

- Yeah, that you haven't seen in five years.

- Three.

- Whatever.

What are we making for dinner tonight?

- Uh, I don't know.

I was thinking we could just wait until they get here.

I mean, I never know who's a vegan,

or who has a gluten allergy, or whatever the fuck.

Wait, wait, wait.

All right, to no men and no internet this weekend.

- Hey, how far do you think we are?

- About 15 minutes.

- Pretty remote.

- Yeah, I like it like that.

- I never thought I'd come.

- You were never the outdoors type.

- I hated summer camp.

- I loved it.

I always wanted be a counselor when I got older.

- Why didn't you?

- 'Cause the pay sucks,

but wouldn't have been about the pay anyway.

So, why did you come out here

if you hate the outdoors so much?

- Because it's free, and I've got nothing better to do.

So, does Charity know what you're up too?

- What am I up to?

- The lake, you and your obsession.

- Oh yeah, whatever.

♪ Falling down ♪

♪ All too many times ♪

♪ And carry peace with forgiveness ♪

♪ To settle down ♪

♪ In an old sad song ♪

♪ Fallin' down ♪

- Yeah, right, I'm sure.

- Thanks for nothing.

- He totally just flipped us off.

- Like that's gonna make us change our minds.

- Fuckers.

♪ Seems to care anymore ♪

- So we haven't been up here in five years.

This is, we're going to our grandpa's cabin

that he won in a poker game.

- It was a tournament.

- Anyways, we haven't been up here

since Mom and dad got divorced.

- And he still hasn't put the hot tub in.

- Yes, he did.

Anyway, this is what it looks like.

- All right, we're getting close.

- Gotta go, bye.

♪ Oh gone ♪

- Oh, hey. - Hi.

- Oh, welcome.

- Oh, what a long time.

- It has been.

Okay, Teresa, these are my, my nieces.

This is Amy, and this is Kat, but not a real cat.

- Everyone calls me Tree, but not a real tree.

- So, when did you guys get here?

- This morning.

- It's nicer than I remember.

Amy approved.

- Yes, oh, she hated summer camp.

She's not the outdoors type.

- At camp, our cabins didn't look like this.

- Well, okay, well let's go inside.

Let's go.

- Now it feels like summer camp.

- No, we get to use air conditioning

and don't have to ask to use the bathroom.

- No signal, just like summer camp.

- You and that phone.

- It's my lifeline.

- Not this weekend it isn't.

- What are you makin' me for dinner?

- Make you for dinner?

Hey, just an FYI.

Kat's into some dark and gothy shit.

- Ooh, is that right?

- So, we used to bring 'em up here all the time

when they were little,

and there's this guy in town

who used to always talk about this vampire at the lake.

She got obsessed.

- Well, does he scare off all the fish?

- Does he scare off all the fish, really?

So, it's hard to get to the lake.

I mean, my dad, he used to say that the locals

were constantly telling this story

to the tourists just to keep 'em away, you know?

Just local bullshit.

- What bullshit?

- Nothing, we're just talkin' about tourists.

- Some bum flipped us off on the way up here.

- Was he panhandling?

- It was some dude hitchhiking.

- Oh, was he wearing a camouflage jacket?

- Yeah.

- I saw that dude in the store earlier.

- Is he single?

- Probably.

- Kat wanted to know.

- Yeah, right.

- What's for dinner?

- Well, I was thinking.

- Raccoon a la king.

- Hamburgers.

- Yeah, none of that gluten-free, vegan pussy shit.

No offense.

- Fine by me.

Can I have a beer?

- Yeah, me too please.

- Only if you promise not to drive anywhere else tonight.

And no complaining if you throw up or if you get a hangover.

- Oh, I'll do whatever. - Okay.

- You girls enjoy those beers.

It's part of your weekend benefit package.

- No wine coolers?

- Hell no.

♪ Such a crowd and just one kiss ♪

- So, where'd you meet Tree at, anyway?

- Well, I met her at work.

She works in the IT department.

I, we started talking one day, and the rest is history.

- She seems pretty cool.

- She is.

I, uh, she's a little rough around the edges, you know,

very blunt and not shy, if you couldn't tell.

- If she's an IT nerd, then where's my wifi?

- She works on computers all day.

She doesn't wanna do that on her day off.

- Boo.

- Hey, so, why do you call her Tree?

- Oh, so she had this boyfriend in college

who used to call her that, and the name just stuck.

- I'd hate to be stuck

with a nickname from my ex-boyfriend.

- Oh, I like that one.

That's a good one.

- Here, let me take a few

so they don't all have to be selfies.

- Thanks.

- Cheese.

- Send that one to me.

- I can't, no signal.

- Okay, well send it to me when we get back to civilization.

- Back to civilization.

Like it's so bad out here.

We've got beer.

We've got food.

We've got music.

No men's bullshit.

Life is good.

- If anyone's interested, this is our grandpa's cabin.

We used to come here when I was 13.

- Hi.

- This seems, this place seemed so boring.

Now it seems slightly less boring.

We have no wifi, no satellite,

and we only get two channels on the TV.

- Oh, first world problems.

- Oh no.

- Yeah, whatever.

I have something else in mind.

- Like what?

- No, Tree, you don't wanna know.

- No, I do, I wanna know.

What are you gonna do?

Are you gonna go chase deer?

Go shit with bear in the woods?

- You guys suck.

- Not me, dude, I rock.

- Says you.

- Yeah, says me and everyone else.

- Everyone without a pulse.

- How are those burgers?

- Why are you on your phone?

- She's been trying to get a signal since we got here.

- I just like staying connected.

- You can get a signal in town,

but you're not gonna get anything up here.

That's why I like it.

- We do you have a TV right here in the living room.

- No, it's okay.

I'll survive.

- Will you though?

- Are you trying to message a gentleman?

- I have no gentleman in my life.

- Neither do I.

Why do you think I came?

- Actually, we did meet some single guys in town earlier.

- Oh, what'd they look like?

- No, she's just kidding.

They're old men.

- I think they are single though.

- No, no, if anyone's interested in some marshmallows,

yeah, I have some.

- I'm done.

I'm in the mood so sit around a fire tonight.

- Isn't your entire life a dumpster fire though?

- All right, all right, so good.

- FYI, I am not cleaning this up.

- That was one.

- I think that marshmallows kind

of taste like a booger in your mouth.

- How do you know what that's like?

- Speakin' of food, your burgers, they were overcooked.

- Yeah. - Wow.

- Pretty mediocre.

- I've had better.

- Great, I'm not making dinner for the rest of the weekend.

You're ungrateful.

- But what's the plan for tomorrow?

- Uh, I don't know.

We didn't come here with an agenda.

- I mean, what is there to do around here, except relax?

- Go to the lake?

- Ooh, that sounds cool.

- No, it's a five-mile hike and.

- It's less cool.

- No, it's a hike.

- What do you wanna do with the lake anyway?

- What if we go hiking?

- No, no, no, let's go to the lake.

- She thinks there's some kind of vampire

that lives up there.

- So, what is this, some kind of campfire story?

- It's not a story.

It's true.

- Okay, don't get her on that shit again.

- No, no, no, no, no, no, let her finish.

I wanna hear it.

- There's a legend that one lives at Fireside Lake.

You can summon him, if you know how.

- How do you do that?

- You stand on the south shore of the lake,

and you burn a page of the Bible from the book of Genesis.

- Sure, and then what happens?

- He will appear and perform a deed for you.

- Oh, like a genie?

- No, not like a genie.

He'll either turn you or kill someone for you.

- Well, how do you know he is not gonna

kill you right there on the spot?

- Well, he can't.

- Why is that?

- My name is written in the book of salvation.

- Here we go.

Look at what you've started.

- The book of salvation?

- Yeah, it's a book blessed by the Vatican in 1879.

If you write your name in your own blood,

no vampires can harm you.

- Wow, I didn't know vampires followed

some kind of code of ethics.

- Where did you get this book?

- At a convention.

After you write your name in your own blood,

you pass it to someone else,

and I brought it to add yours, just in case.

- In case of what?

Oh my God, you're a vampire groupie.

- Wait, vampires are real.

- Right.

This explains why you don't have

any gentlemen in your life.

- Ah ha, dick.

- No, no, no, no, no, Dick is my brother.

I'm Teresa, though he doesn't like to be called Dick.

He prefers Richard.

- Okay, okay, okay.

In all seriousness, there isn't a trail to that lake.

And when I said it was five miles, I wasn't lying.

It is a grueling five miles.

- Yeah, then you gotta hike five miles in

and then five miles out.

- Okay, let's play this out.

Let's say you go, and you meet your vampire.

What then?

- Well, according to my research.

- According to your research.

- He will either turn you or kill someone for you.

- You wanna be a vampire?

- No, I didn't say that.

I just wanna see if it's true.

- Where do you get all this stuff?

- Old books, secret groups, the dark web.

You don't just find this stuff on Google.

- Listen, I'm gonna be honest with you.

I would love to see this lake and your vampire,

but I didn't come this weekend to hike.

I don't wanna think if I'm not being paid,

and I'm not being paid to think.

- I'm sorry, do you ever think?

That's a thing you do?

- My idea of fun this weekend is doin' jack shit.

- It's a true story, Teresa.

- Yeah, yeah, I'm sure it is.

You can tell me all about it tomorrow at the next campfire.

Ha.

- Okay, I guess we're leaving.

- Your niece Kat is one strange cat.

Pun intended.

- Yeah, I don't know what happened.

- What does she do?

- Well, nothing right now.

Her mom says that she's on academic probation,

and she's taking a semester off.

- I'll be nicer to her.

I'm just tryin' to have some fun.

- Okay, thank you.

- And I guaran-damn-tee you she's not gonna

wanna get up in the morning and do a five-mile hike.

- I don't know.

She seems pretty damn determined.

She might.

Okay.

- So, if you go here and burn the page,

he's supposed to appear immediately.

- Where'd you get that?

- I told you, secret groups.

There's vampires all around the world.

- And you really believe that?

- I don't know, but I wanna find out.

Supposedly if a vampire puts this around his neck,

he's allowed to walk in the daylight.

- And where'd you get that?

- At a Vamp Con.

- At a what?

- A Vamp Con.

- A Vamp Con? - Yes.

- What's a Vamp Con?

- It's like a Comic Con, but all things occult.

- You cannot be my sister.

- They're very popular.

A lot of people go, even cute guys.

- Oh, really?

You see any?

Meet any?

- No.

- It's all right.

When did you go to this anyways?

- Um, April.

- You said you were going to a Comic Con.

- It kinda was.

You said you didn't wanna go anyway.

- That's fair.

I hate Comic Con.

All the geeks that take it way too seriously.

- Yeah, some do, but not all.

- Plus the shady guys that run them.

- Are you done?

- No, I just thought I'd heard of everything.

- There's conventions for everything.

Porn conventions, medical conventions,

Star Trek conventions.

A lot of people have a lot of different interests.

- No, I get it.

You dropped a coin to be around dorks in Halloween costumes.

- Don't be a hater.

I enjoyed myself, and I learned a lot.

That's where I got this.

- How much?

- Some Chinese lady gave it to me.

- Chinese people believe in vampires?

- Vampires are known in many

different cultures around the world.

So, what do you say?

- To what?

- Coming to the lake with me tomorrow.

- You know, I feel like

I should probably go with her.

- No, don't buy into this.

- What do you mean?

I don't want her out there alone.

- She's not gonna want to get up in the morning.

She's gonna be too lazy.

- Yeah, but I feel responsible for her, you know?

- Your only responsibility this weekend

is to relax and have a good time.

- So, are you coming back to school or what?

- Yes, only if you come with me.

- Is that a yes, yes,

or are you're just telling me that yes?

- Yes, and tomorrow we vampire.

- Whatever that means.

- I don't know.

It sounded cool.

- No, it didn't.

- Yes, it did.

- Are you ever going to give that thing a rest?

- Is it bugging you?

- You're gonna ruin your vision

staring at that thing all the time.

- Well, that'll be my problem, won't it?

- No, it'll be mine when I'm stuck

taking care of you when you're old.

- Hey, what do you think of Tree?

- She's okay, why?

- I think she's kind of douchey.

- You're just saying that 'cause she fronted you out.

- Well, yeah.

She doesn't know me well enough to be making fun of me.

- How long does someone have to know you to make fun of you?

It's pretty easy.

- Don't be a smart-ass.

- It's better than being a dumbass.

- You wouldn't know.

Hey, can I borrow your charger?

- It's in the car.

Well, go out to the car and get it.

- I'm not going out there.

- Well, I'm tired.

I have a headache, and I'm going to bed.

- Do you think Charity and Tree are man-haters?

- Oh my God, this is summer camp.

- Well, at least here, the food won't kill ya.

- What?

What time is it?

- It's six.

Let's go.

- You were serious about that?

- Yes, let's go.

Come on, come on.

- Please stop yelling.

I have a hangover.

Just wake me up later.

- So, I'm making this video just in case

something like really bad happens.

I'm off to Fireside Lake by myself

'cause my sister's a loser and doesn't keep her promises.

It's 6:20 a.m.

Should be interesting.

- Gone to find a vampire.

See you for dinner.

She's got her day planned.

What's for breakfast?

- What should we do?

- It's five miles over rough terrain.

She's gonna turn back.

So, what's for breakfast?

Hey, where are the Pop-Tarts?

- I don't know.

Maybe the girls ate them.

- How many beers did they have last night?

- Oh, look who it is.

- Do either of you have any Tylenol?

- Don't tell me you have a hangover.

- Then I won't tell you.

- Hey, how many brews

did you guys suck down last night?

- Four.

- Really?

So where'd all the beer go?

What?

I can't hear you.

- The rest of the world can hear you.

- Huh?

- The entire world can hear you.

- Huh?

- Hello again, I'm still alive

no thanks to my sister, my aunt, and her friend.

I've done my research,

and it says if I go to Fireside Lake on the south shore

and burn the book of Genesis, a vampire will appear.

Would I be doing this if I had

a normal social life and a boyfriend?

Probably not.

But what the hell.

Wouldn't be doing anything else.

- So Tylenol, somebody, anybody?

- Check the medicine cabinets.

- Mmm.

By the way, Kat left this morning

on her little vampire hunt.

- Seriously?

She did, seriously?

- Mmm hmm.

- I'm gonna check the medicine cabinet.

- She looks like shit.

- I had as much to drink as she did.

- She'll feel fine after she takes a shower.

- I hope so.

She looks like shit.

- I just said that.

- I know.

- Hey.

- Hi.

- Do you know how much further the lake is?

- Uh, an hour and a half that way.

- Beautiful dog.

- Thanks.

Are you meeting somebody up there?

- No, just going by myself.

- Oh, well, be careful.

- All right, thank you.

- All right, bye.

- Thank you.

- Roller King, this is Rachel.

- Die, die.

- Fuck off.

- The blonde is always in the beginning.

I bet you her name is Jessica.

- And she's not gonna run fast enough.

- No, but she's always the first to run

and the first to get killed.

- Of course.

- She's always the first to go.

- Yeah.

- Wendy the ho.

Alicia, the slut.

- Oh wait, there's the redhead.

What do you think her name is?

- Probably Ginger.

It's always Ginger.

- Okay, would you do the blonde,

or would you do the red hair?

- Mm, Jessica, 100%.

- Really?

- Oh yeah.

- It's not the end of the world.

But how was your night?

- I don't know.

I like red hair on a female.

Males, men, not so.

Look, see.

- Yeah, pass. - No, mm mm, mm mm.

Oh, like that pothead.

He had the nasty beard and the yellow teeth.

- Oh, the dipshit. - The dipshit, yeah.

- Ian, Ian. - Yes, yes.

- I remember him. - Ian, ugh, gross.

I heard he's breeding dogs in his backyard now.

- What a loser.

- Hello, this is Kat again.

Been hiking for about three hours now.

Drank all my water so that was stupid.

Ran into a hiker.

Said I had about 45 minutes to an hour to the lake left.

So should be interesting.

I have low juice on my battery

and didn't bring a charger so that was stupid also.

So yeah, it should be interesting.

- So, are you gonna go out with him?

- I don't know.

- Feeling better?

- Yeah, look what I found.

Well move, well move.

- Hey.

- What's this, your diary?

- I don't have a diary.

- Oh, your little black book?

- Stop.

It's okay.

She fucks with you, she likes you.

- Not necessarily.

Ow.

Okay, what is it?

- A book, dummy.

It's the book Kat's been talking about.

- Oh, well that's different.

- Yeah, and if you look on the last page, you see that?

- Oh, I forgot her middle name was Mary.

- Every Mary I've ever known is some fat redhead.

- My mom's name is Mary.

She's not fat.

- Ow.

That looks like dried blood.

That's repulsive.

It's like a book of STDs and AIDs.

- Oh, that's repulsive.

- You know what I think it is?

It's like one of those vampire fan club books.

- Your sister is into some weird shit.

- What are you telling me for?

- Because you let her get into this vampire shit.

- I let her?

- Yes, you let her.

I mean, you know she's going through some shit.

I mean, you can't help her at least find a boyfriend

or distract her with some talentless,

stupid boy band or something.

- Okay, first, that is a load of crap.

There are a lot of talented boy bands.

- Yeah, like the Beatles or the Beach Boys.

- Really? - Yeah.

- And second, I can't even find myself a boyfriend.

And third, she's always been obsessed

with this vampire lore.

It's got nothing to do with me.

- Really?

How clever.

- I say we use it for kindling.

- No, no, no, no, no, it's not yours.

Put it back where you found it.

- Okay, I am gonna make this quick since I'm low on battery.

Really quick, I guess.

Promise to make an updated video if I can.

- Where the hell are you, Kat?

- Why have you summoned me?

- Because, I wanna be turned.

- What is your name?

- Katherine Mary Legan.

- Your name is in the book.

- But, but I wanna be turned.

- Then, you must remove your name from the book.

- I brought you something.

Do you want it?

I'll give it to you if you turn me.

- Agreed.

Oh yes.

I haven't felt the sunlight in 400 years.

- But, but what about me?

- You must remove your name from the book,

and then I will turn you.

- Do I come back?

- I'll find you.

- Oh, there's no sign of Kat.

- I thought she would've turned back by now.

It looks like a grueling hike.

- So, are we just gonna wait?

- Yeah, aren't we gonna go look for her?

I mean, anything could be happening to her out there.

- Look, I don't wanna be a selfish bitch,

but I didn't come this weekend to hike.

I just wanna chill and relax.

- Really?

You're not at all worried?

- I mean, if it was later in the day, I might be worried.

- There are transients and rapists and murderers.

- Lions and tigers and bears, oh my.

- It's not funny, Teresa.

- Come on, Charity.

You watch too many forensic shows.

- No, it's true.

It's always a woman that they find in the woods.

- It's true.

- How's it goin'?

- I'm hungry.

- What is it with vampires these days?

I mean, that's all you hear about in the media.

Whatever happened to zombies and werewolves?

- You're still not funny.

- I'm not joking.

Vampires used to be cool, before "Twilight" came out.

Made 'em all faggy and effeminate.

- Really?

- What, I don't have to be politically correct.

I'm not running for office.

- Okay, Donald Trump.

- So, are we just gonna do nothing?

- What do you wanna do, Amy?

Call the forest service

and tell them your sister went looking for a vampire?

- We can go look for her, hello?

- Yeah, you're not at all worried?

- Okay, if it were later in the day, I might be worried.

Okay, if she's not back in an hour, we'll go looking.

- Thank you.

- What time do you wanna eat dinner?

- Man, I haven't even thought that far ahead.

- You never think that far ahead.

- Sure I do.

What time do you wanna have breakfast in the morning?

- Don't be a smart-ass.

Must you litter like that?

- No, but I will.

- That can break and cut a dude's foot.

- Hoove.

- What?

- Hoove, not foot.

- You're such a jerk when you're drinking.

- Will you stop nagging?

- I'm not nagging you.

- Sure you are.

The thing you're doin', movin' your mouth, that's nagging.

- I'm not nagging you.

- Sure you are.

Just goin' on about trivial things like that.

- Well, maybe if you would stop being such a jerk and you'd

quit littering.

- What the fuck do you want?

- Guys, it's that really creepy guy from yesterday.

- Ooh, scary.

- He was there.

- What was he doing?

- Anybody see anything?

- No.

- Now, can we be worried about Kat?

- Oh shit.

- What?

What, are you afraid he's gonna take your car?

- No, I was worried he was gonna siphon my gas.

- Seriously?

- Yeah, four bucks a gallon.

- Really, Tree?

- All right, I'm going.

- What about us?

- Stay here.

Lock the doors.

- Yeah, right, we're all going.

- Look, she's probably fine, okay?

- Why are you taking your gun?

- For bears or mountain lions.

You keep it.

- Let's just all go.

- I like that plan.

- Yeah, we're all gonna go.

- Okay, here, good.

- Let's go then.

- Do you even know where you're going?

- The lake is east.

There's a trailhead over here somewhere.

- Somewhere?

- Look, who made me tour director?

Do you wanna be in charge?

Do you?

I didn't think so.

Look, how long are we gonna look

before we decide to turn back?

- It's already getting darker, so.

- Well, I think we should at least stay out

until an hour before sunset, and then we'll head back.

We'll call the sheriff's department if we don't find her.

- Yeah, okay.

- Remind me to kick Kat's ass as soon as we find her.

- What a sorry ass day this has been.

- Did anybody bring any water?

- I should have brought a beer.

- Are we there yet?

- Kat?

Kat?

Kat?

- Kat Legan?

- How many Kats do you think are out here right now?

- Don't be a smart-ass.

- That's better than bein' a dumbass.

- Kat?

Kat?

Let's go, Tree.

Not funny.

So typical.

- Let's just go.

We don't wanna come into dark. - Yeah, you're right.

- Ha.

- Is that the best you can do?

- I mean, the best I could do on short notice, yeah.

- Are you gonna help, or are you just gonna goof off?

- You know what?

If I have to be out here dealing with this bullshit,

I'm at least gonna entertain myself.

- Let's go.

- Ow.

You guys suck.

Have I told you guys how much this sucks?

- I have never heard you complain so much.

- You haven't known her very long.

- I'm just saying what everybody's thinking.

- No, no, you're bitching.

- Well, there's a lot to bitch about.

- When were with you.

- Hey, take this.

- What are you doing?

- Nature calls.

- Okay.

Should we stand back to back?

- That's a good idea.

- Okay.

Kat?

Kat?

- Hey, you don't think?

- Think what?

- You don't think she's playin'

some kind of game with us, right?

- I don't know.

You know her better than I do.

- It's not her style.

She'd rather moan and groan.

- More than Tree?

- Maybe not that much.

What if, what if she took another way back to the cabin,

and she's waiting there for us?

- Mmm mmm, there's no way.

This is the only trail.

We would've seen her.

- Are you sure?

- Mmm hmm.

- Okay.

- What'd you use to wipe with?

- Nature.

- Are we ready to go?

- No, no, now I gotta go.

I'm sorry.

- Okay.

- What?

- You've been bitching the whole time, since we got here.

- Well, get used to it 'cause I'm not done bitchin' yet.

- Yes, you are.

- Actually I've got plenty.

Amy, run, it's a vampmire.

I thought they weren't real.

No, no, no.

No, no, no, please don't kill me.

I don't wanna die.

- Your desires don't concern me.

- No, no, please.

Please, please, please, please, mister.

No, please, sir.

- Mortality is for suckers.

- No.

- That's not going to work, Katherine Mary Legan.

- What do you want?

- The truth.

- What truth?

- Where is the book?

- I don't know.

- You're lying to me.

- I can get it if you leave us alone.

- Even the silver bullets won't hurt me now.

I don't know where you got this

or who you got it from, but thank you.

- But my name is in the book.

- I know.

- What am I gonna do?

What am I gonna do?

Okay, I'll call the cops.

- No, don't do that please.

I saw you guys leave, and just thought I'd take a shower.

I'm gonna get outta here right now.

- No, don't go out there.

- Why not?

- There's a vampire out there.

- A what?

- A vampire.

I don't have time to explain this to you.

Do it.

Get some someone wooden spoons

or something to make a stake out of.

- Hey, I don't believe in vampires, okay, so how about that?

- I don't really care what you believe in.

- Okay, Twilight girl, don't you watch movies?

What are you freakin' out for?

A vampire can only come in if he's invited.

So, what's he doin' out in the daylight, huh?

- Stop asking stupid questions.

- What?

What are you doing?

- Oh, the book.

- What?

Hello?

- Get a knife.

Get a knife, quick.

- A knife, okay.

Here.

What are you doin'?

Oh, that's great.

- Write your name in blood.

Go, come on.

- Uh, I'm gonna pass.

- Let me in.

Let me in.

Let me in.

- What the hell's going on?

- I unleashed the monster.

- Oh, good work, Kat.

- Hey, I didn't know this was gonna happen.

- Oh really?

You think you can just summon some kind of vampire,

and there'd be no consequences?

What are we gonna do now?

- Who's this?

- Long story, it's fine.

- I'm Dave, and I was just about to leave.

- No, no, no, don't go out there.

- What is this,

some sort of reality TV show nonsense?

Am I being punked here or something?

- It's not a fucking reality show, dude.

- Am I dumb being a vampire groupie now?

- Screw you, that's so funny.

- Girls, thanks for the shower, but I gotta jet so

good luck with everything.

Oh, I'm so scared of the big vampire.

Oh yeah, everyone's so scared of the big fuckin' vampire.

- He can't come in unless he's invited, right?

- Uh.

- I know what you're thinking.

This is not how you thought your day was gonna go.

- Our names are in that book.

- I know.

Katherine Mary Legan.

Amy Elizabeth Legan.

Amy, it's a pleasure to meet you.

Katherine and I are already acquainted.

"Life sucks so suck harder."

That's just good advice.

Katherine Mary Legan, do you know what this means?

Mortality is for suckers.

- Get a cross.

- It will be over quickly.

- Get back.

- Unless you would care to dance.

- I will kill you.

- Fuck.

- That never worked in any century.

There's nothing quite like the smell

of a young woman's blood.

- You were supposed to turn me.

- And I will.

Do you know why?

- Because you suck.

- That's true, I do suck.

You wanna be a vampire?

I'll make you a vampire.

♪ I'm feelin' left behind ♪

♪ While you gather up your life ♪

♪ Will you remember me ♪

♪ You set out on your own ♪

♪ Markers set in stone this time ♪

♪ Would you believe in me ♪

♪ For just one night ♪

♪ If all we did was leave here ♪

♪ I might believe again ♪

♪ The sun is falling high ♪

♪ And shadows tall invade my soul ♪

♪ I'm left to die alone, no ♪

♪ But I'm not done just yet ♪

♪ So don't you bury me ♪

♪ Not yet, yet ♪

♪ I know it's late tonight ♪

♪ So move on with your life ♪

♪ While I just drink it in ♪

♪ My head has found my hands ♪

♪ Arrested while I think of you ♪

♪ There's a ways to miss me ♪

♪ For just one night ♪

♪ If all I did was believe in it ♪

♪ I might not tire at all ♪

♪ The sun is falling fast ♪

♪ The shadows linger in the past ♪

♪ But I'm still here alone, oh ♪

♪ But I'm not done just yet ♪

♪ So don't you bury me ♪

♪ I might just make this life ♪

♪ I'm not done with it ♪

♪ Not yet ♪

♪ Where's God ♪

♪ Where's God ♪

♪ So move on with your life ♪

♪ Just for one more night ♪

♪ Will you remember me ♪