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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,901 --> 00:00:03,537 My name is Earl. 2 00:00:04,105 --> 00:00:06,374 [ Earl Narrating ] Camden County was having a heat wave. 3 00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:08,509 Me and Randy wanted to cool off in the pool. 4 00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:10,544 Unfortunately, we weren't the only ones. 5 00:00:10,578 --> 00:00:13,114 When do you think the mice are gonna be done swimmin'? 6 00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:15,716 I think they are done, Randy. They're just never gettin' out of the pool. 7 00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:19,187 We can soak our feet in these, but my manager says... 8 00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:21,589 we gotta put the ice back in the machines when we're finished. 9 00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:24,292 I wish we had air-conditioning. 10 00:00:24,325 --> 00:00:26,327 [ Earl Narrating ] What Randy said got me thinkin'... 11 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,729 about someone else who probably wished he had air-conditioning. 12 00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:30,764 He's number 26 on my list. 13 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:36,270 A few years back while Camden was in the middle of another heat wave, 14 00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:39,240 me and Randy were in the middle of a crime wave. 15 00:00:39,273 --> 00:00:42,310 Usually, we broke into houses lookin' for cool stuff. 16 00:00:42,343 --> 00:00:45,346 During the heat wave, we were happy just to find cool. 17 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:49,117 [ Both Sigh ] 18 00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:51,219 Man, if everyone who had one of these... 19 00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:53,321 would just open up their doors and share, 20 00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:55,323 we wouldn't have this stupid heat wave. 21 00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:57,358 I'm goin' shirts-up. 22 00:00:57,391 --> 00:01:00,094 * Makin' a livin' Hey. 23 00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:01,662 * The old hard way 24 00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:04,165 * Takin' and givin' by day by day * 25 00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:06,400 [ Both ] Hey. 26 00:01:06,434 --> 00:01:10,504 - * I dig snow and rain and the bright sunshine * - You guys want a sandwich? 27 00:01:10,538 --> 00:01:12,773 [ Earl Narrating ] Luckily for us, Woody smoked a lot of weed, 28 00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:15,509 and it never crossed his mind we were burglars. 29 00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:18,179 He just assumed we were people he knew. 30 00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:21,115 I could eat. ** [ Continues ] 31 00:01:21,149 --> 00:01:22,883 [ Earl Narrating ] The right and proper thing to do... 32 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:25,119 would have been to clean him out and move on. 33 00:01:25,153 --> 00:01:27,255 But because of the heat wave, 34 00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:30,291 we decided to rob him one piece at a time and enjoy the cool air. 35 00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:32,726 - [ Both Grunt ] - [ TV: Indistinct ] 36 00:01:34,495 --> 00:01:37,598 * Draggin' the line * Draggin' the line 37 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,402 [ Earl Narrating ] We thought we were busted for sure... 38 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:44,572 when Woody caught us rollin' his fridge through the living room. 39 00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:47,608 But apparently something called "the munchies" made it hard for him to concentrate... 40 00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:51,312 on things like, well, where the hell he was. 41 00:01:51,345 --> 00:01:55,383 * I'm gonna take my time We even tried smokin' weed for the first time, 42 00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:57,385 but it wasn't for us. [ TV: Sirens Wailing ] 43 00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:59,753 I kept havin' to check to see if I peed myself. 44 00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:03,457 And poor Randy was so high, he spent four and a half hours lookin' for his nose. 45 00:02:03,491 --> 00:02:05,626 Seriously, guys, did you hide it from me? 46 00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:12,666 [ Earl Narrating ] Eventually, there was only one thing left to steal. 47 00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:15,236 * Peace of mind 48 00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:19,707 * I'm gonna take my time 49 00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:24,712 - Go, go, go! - * I'm gettin' the good sign 50 00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:28,316 Hey, Woody. Uh, just adjustin' the air here. 51 00:02:28,349 --> 00:02:31,219 - * Draggin' the line - * Draggin' the line 52 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,888 * Draggin' the line [ Blowing ] 53 00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:38,359 [ Earl Narrating ] I was sad to leave, but once we took the A.C., 54 00:02:38,392 --> 00:02:40,661 well, there was no reason to stay. 55 00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:42,896 * Draggin' the line * 56 00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:45,333 Come on, Randy. It's time to take care of number 26. 57 00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:47,968 I need to give that stoner guy his A.C. back. 58 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,803 It's too hot. I can't take it anymore! 59 00:02:54,342 --> 00:02:57,445 Nice splash, Randy. That got most of the mice out. 60 00:02:57,478 --> 00:03:00,248 [ Earl Narrating ] We sold everything we took from Woody... 61 00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:02,216 except for the A.C., which was still at Joy's. 62 00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:04,252 - Hey, Crabman. - Hey, Earl. 63 00:03:04,285 --> 00:03:06,954 - What is that thing, a robot? - My deaf lawyer said if I could pass... 64 00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:09,790 a lie detector test sayin' I didn't steal that truck, it'll help my case. 65 00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:12,926 So I stole this old one from a swap meet. 66 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,429 Don't bother tryin' to explain the irony. She doesn't see it. 67 00:03:15,463 --> 00:03:19,800 Look, I got bad news. I need to take your air conditioner back to the guy I stole it from. 68 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:22,370 Well, you're out of luck. We don't have an A.C. anymore. 69 00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:29,743 All right. We do have an air conditioner, 70 00:03:29,777 --> 00:03:31,645 but it's not the one you stole. 71 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:36,850 Darnell, unhook me from this thing so I can have a normal conversation with Earl. 72 00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:39,253 - Sorry, Joy. I'm takin' it. - Fine. 73 00:03:39,287 --> 00:03:42,022 It's got a nest of yellow jackets in it anyway. Hope you get stung. 74 00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:45,359 Could you hook me up to the machine and ask it if I'm ever gonna get married? 75 00:03:45,393 --> 00:03:47,495 Well, I can tell you the answer to that. [ Scoffs ] 76 00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:53,367 [ Earl Narrating ] We stopped by Woody's apartment, but his landlord told us... 77 00:03:53,401 --> 00:03:55,369 he'd moved out a couple years before. 78 00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:58,539 Luckily, he left a forwarding address. 79 00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,474 This is it. 80 00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:07,615 [ Man ] Pick it up for you. 81 00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:13,687 [ Man Chattering ] 82 00:04:13,721 --> 00:04:16,056 Man, these hippies are crazy, Randy. That dude just ate something... 83 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:19,393 - that was growin' out of the ground. - [ Bleats ] 84 00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:23,297 You think that's weird. There's a chick over there squeezin' on a goat's ta-tas. 85 00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:26,066 All right, look. We'll just get this over with and get out of here. 86 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:29,637 Uh-- [ Clears Throat ] Excuse me. Uh, excuse me. 87 00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:32,440 Can I help you? 88 00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:35,042 There's a naked old lady in the bushes. I know. Just don't panic. 89 00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:38,078 What do we do? What do we do? What do we do? You're panicking. Don't panic! 90 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,748 Hello. [ Clears Throat ] 91 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:45,486 Uh, ma'am, uh, we're lookin' for a guy named Woody Maruzak. 92 00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:48,055 He's over there fixin' that house. I'll show you. 93 00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:50,358 No, no! Nope. We'll find him. 94 00:04:56,397 --> 00:05:00,033 Woody? Earl and Randy Hickey. 95 00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:02,803 Hey! Earl and Randy Hickey! 96 00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:05,973 Look, I gotta warn you. There's a naked old lady in your bushes. 97 00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:09,843 Oh, yeah. That's Nora. She's a nudist. Kinda weird, if you ask me. 98 00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:12,846 Then again, it might be a little weird that I live in a dung cottage. 99 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:15,115 What's dung? 'Cause it smells like cow ploppies. 100 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:19,587 Well, it's got cow ploppies in it, along with straw and a little mud for insulation. 101 00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:22,656 Well, what do you know? Cow crap houses. 102 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,825 That's, uh, interesting. [ Flies Buzzing ] 103 00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:28,962 Not interesting, Earl. Crazy. He puts poo on his walls. That's what crazy people do. 104 00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:31,131 [ Earl Narrating ] While Randy tried to fight the smell, 105 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,834 I explained to Woody about my list and why I was there. 106 00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:35,936 And it took a little longer than normal... 107 00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:38,739 'cause not all of Woody's brain cells had quite grown back yet. 108 00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:41,141 [ Flies Buzzing ] That is great. That is really beautiful. 109 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,511 You've really changed your life. I'm proud of you. 110 00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:46,880 [ Chuckles, Sighs ] 111 00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:50,751 I gotta be honest though. I have no idea who you are. 112 00:05:50,784 --> 00:05:54,788 I don't know if you know this, but I used to partake a little bit in the doobage. 113 00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:57,525 [ Earl Narrating ] In fact, thanks to the drugs, there were... 114 00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:59,727 huge sections of Woody's life he didn't remember... 115 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:03,864 until he woke up one day, out of pot and accidentally sober. 116 00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:06,800 They say you never change your life until you really hit bottom. 117 00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:10,604 And it helps if you hit it from a thousand feet up. 118 00:06:10,638 --> 00:06:14,074 That's when I quit drugs and moved up here to Sunshine Collective. 119 00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:17,578 We're an off-the-grid commune, totally self-sufficient. 120 00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:21,915 Grow our own food and live completely free of electricity. [ Clicks Tongue ] 121 00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:24,652 Man, that weed stays in your system a long time, doesn't it? 122 00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:26,920 Yeah. Where do you want me to put the A.C.? 123 00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:30,658 And don't worry. I'm gonna take you shoppin' for the other stuff we stole. 124 00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:34,728 No can do, Earl. I don't need any of those items of convenience anymore. 125 00:06:34,762 --> 00:06:38,666 - But I gotta do somethin', or I can't cross you off my list. - Hmm. I can see your pickle. 126 00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:41,635 Hmm. Well, how about this? 127 00:06:41,669 --> 00:06:44,572 You and your brother, you both seem like you're pretty good polluters. 128 00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:48,642 - What makes you say that? - You've been here a half hour, and your car's still running. 129 00:06:48,676 --> 00:06:51,178 - [ Engine Rattling ] - Oh, no. That's just so we can keep the fan on. 130 00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:54,615 We got a couple Styrofoam cups of soda in it we wanna keep cool. 131 00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:57,918 How about this: Why don't you stay with us for a week, see what we're all about? 132 00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:00,654 At the very least, you'll reduce your eco-footprint while you're here. 133 00:07:00,688 --> 00:07:02,723 You sure you don't want a radio or something? 134 00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,925 We got one back at the motel that doesn't even take electricity. 135 00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:06,927 You put batteries in it. 136 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,162 Sorry. That's all I can think of. 137 00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:12,733 Just one week, right? Don't worry. You're gonna love it. 138 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:16,870 Hey, Nora. You mind if these boys bunk with you for a few days? 139 00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:18,706 I call middle. 140 00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:31,552 [ Earl Narrating ] The hippie camp had straw mattresses, 141 00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:35,122 which were actually comfortable once you got used to the straw pokin' in your back. 142 00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:37,825 [ Rooster Crows ] We should get outta here, Earl. This place isn't natural. 143 00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:40,828 You know what someone told me last night? They said they don't believe in plastic. 144 00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:43,063 That's just crazy. Plastic exists. I've seen it. 145 00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:45,499 We can't leave, Randy. 146 00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:48,035 Sometimes I just have to deal with strange people on this list. 147 00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:51,271 - [ Door Opens ] - Mornin', dudes. Time to get to work. 148 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:54,141 - Okay. See you when you get back. - No, no. You guys gotta work. 149 00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:57,611 With you guys here, we got two more mouths to feed. Up and at 'em. 150 00:07:57,645 --> 00:08:01,949 You heard him. [ Groans ] Let's do this. 151 00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,951 Five more minutes. Come on, Randy. 152 00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:06,219 Wakey, wakey, hands off-- 153 00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:09,957 Randy, Randy, Randy, there's a snake. Randy, there's a-- Get up! There's a snake! 154 00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:12,693 [ Earl Narrating ] The first day, we learned that being off the grid... 155 00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:15,295 means that stuff that should be easy took a lot of work. 156 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:19,800 First, you search the woods for fallen branches. Then you drag them back here, 157 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:23,270 you debark the wood for the mulch pile and you chop the rest to fire up the boiler. 158 00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:26,173 Then, after about three hours, you got five minutes of hot water. 159 00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:29,142 And after you take your shower, you clean the soot from the boiler, 160 00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:32,212 you put it in the ash pit, and then we can make soap out of it later. 161 00:08:36,684 --> 00:08:38,819 Guess who won't be takin' showers. 162 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:41,054 [ Earl Narrating ] The second day, 163 00:08:41,088 --> 00:08:45,192 we learned that stuff that should be complicated was way too simple. 164 00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:48,128 - The bathroom is a bucket, Earl. - Of course it is, Randy. 165 00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:49,963 Where do you think all this compost comes from? 166 00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:01,942 [ Earl Narrating ] The third day, we learned... 167 00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:04,111 these hippie people could do some pretty amazing things. 168 00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:06,313 So you guys can make your own shirts? 169 00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:09,316 We make a lot of our own clothes on this loom. 170 00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:13,153 Fruit of the Loom. It all makes sense now. 171 00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:18,158 [ Earl Narrating ] And every day, we learned when you grow your own food, 172 00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:20,293 you get vegetables at every meal, 173 00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:22,830 even if they try to fool you into thinkin' it's something else. 174 00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:25,065 Hey, that's a fine-looking "burrito." 175 00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:30,804 Ooh. "Pizza." 176 00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:38,045 You gotta love beet loaf. 177 00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:42,282 I need to eat an animal! 178 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:47,387 [ Earl Narrating ] As the week went on, Randy wasn't doin' well. 179 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:50,858 And by the sixth day, I was really worried about him. 180 00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:53,060 Hey, guys. 181 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,663 I hear you've been havin' a little trouble unpluggin' from the grid. 182 00:09:55,696 --> 00:09:58,298 So I spoke to the gang. We thought we'd give you a little treat. 183 00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:00,367 - You like the TV show Friends? - Yeah. 184 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,203 We thought we'd put it on for you, cheer you up a little. Come on. 185 00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:12,345 Hi, Joey. Hi, Rachel. How you doin'? 186 00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:15,348 What's happenin'? These are real people. Where's the TV? 187 00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:18,786 We don't have a TV, but one of our members was a huge fan. 188 00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:21,221 Today's episode is loosely based on what she remembers... 189 00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:23,423 of "The One With the Evil Orthodontist." 190 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:27,294 Hey! It's Chandler. 191 00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:30,864 Hey, Chandler, is it hot out today? 192 00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:34,802 Could it be any hotter? Whoa. Did I just say that out loud? 193 00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:37,871 Hey, Ross has a monkey. 194 00:10:37,905 --> 00:10:40,974 Oh, man, I've seen this episode. Chandler hooks up with Monica. 195 00:10:41,008 --> 00:10:43,343 [ All Groan ] Ah, come on. Great. 196 00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:47,214 This sucks! I wanna watch real TV. I want real food! 197 00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:50,383 [ Clears Throat ] Sorry, everyone. When my brother gets hungry, 198 00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:54,187 he gets kind of like an angry, dizzy Hulk thing goin' on. [ Grunting ] 199 00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:56,123 That's the angry part. 200 00:10:57,791 --> 00:11:00,093 And that's the dizzy part. 201 00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:02,896 [ Earl Narrating ] Watching those weirdos help Randy... 202 00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:05,933 made me feel a little ashamed for how I'd been judgin' them. 203 00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:08,869 They were good people, even if they were a little nutty. 204 00:11:10,037 --> 00:11:12,405 Whoa! Don't lick that. 205 00:11:12,439 --> 00:11:15,175 But it smells like butter and syrup. 206 00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:18,712 It's potent stuff, man, made from herbs and roots from the woods. 207 00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:20,313 Just put it on once a day, okay? 208 00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:26,386 [ Chattering ] 209 00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:39,199 Crazy day, huh? Want some wine? We made it out of grapes from our garden. 210 00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:41,902 You guys make your own wine? Mm-hmm. 211 00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:45,072 I tried to make tequila once, but I didn't know what was in it besides worms. 212 00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:47,975 It's pretty gross. Still got me drunk though. 213 00:11:50,978 --> 00:11:53,947 That is not bad. 214 00:11:53,981 --> 00:11:56,016 I gotta say, I don't get it, Woody. 215 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:59,186 You're all so smart. Why you live in such a dumb way? 216 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,421 Because it's good for the environment. If we want our children... 217 00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:03,490 and our children's children to keep livin' on Earth, 218 00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:06,794 we gotta keep reducing greenhouse gases and reverse global warming. 219 00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:11,765 You know what global warming is, right? 220 00:12:11,799 --> 00:12:15,035 [ Whispering ] Chemistry, geography, algebra, 221 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,404 vocabulary-- nope. 222 00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:20,908 All right. Come with me. I want to show you a presentation I give at the high school. 223 00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:22,843 ** [ Rock ] [ Earl Narrating ] I hated high school... 224 00:12:22,876 --> 00:12:24,912 and I tend to hate presentations, 225 00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:27,114 but to my surprise, Woody's little show didn't suck. 226 00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:29,216 ...as a result of fossil fuel use. 227 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,819 And if the glaciers keep melting at this rate, in 20 years... 228 00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:34,855 Camden County will look like this! 229 00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:39,226 Because of warming, deadly diseases like West Nile are spreading like wildfire... 230 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:42,262 and will kill you-- and do you want to die a virgin? 231 00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:45,966 Sorry. That's in there for the high school kids. Really shakes 'em up. 232 00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:49,369 And this is what CO2 levels will look like in 10 years. You know what we do then? 233 00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:52,072 Nothing, 'cause it'll be too late. We'll all just sit around... 234 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:54,975 and watch each other fry like we're bugs in a zapper. 235 00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:56,810 Poof! Poof! Poof, poof! 236 00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:58,946 [ Earl Narrating ] By the end, I was freakin' out. 237 00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:01,915 And I could tell by the look on Randy's face he was freakin' out too. 238 00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:05,953 * I'd love to change the world 239 00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:09,222 Hey, this is messed up, man. Does anybody else know about this? 240 00:13:09,256 --> 00:13:11,491 'Cause we should tell the president. People know. 241 00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:14,361 They just don't want to change. Well, not me, Woody. 242 00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:17,197 You've really opened my eyes. 243 00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:20,333 Me and my brother are never gonna look at the world the same again. Right, buddy? 244 00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:23,871 ** [ Ends ] 245 00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:30,210 [ Earl Narrating ] When we finished our week with Woody, 246 00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:32,412 I was anxious to get back to Camden and start saving the planet. 247 00:13:36,583 --> 00:13:39,586 Bye, Randy! Nice bunkin' with ya. 248 00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:43,023 Come back soon, and I'll teach you yoga. 249 00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:48,929 - See y'all later. - Bye, Earl. Bye, boys. 250 00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:53,166 This is exciting, huh? I'm a changed man, Randy. 251 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:56,136 We're gonna start livin' life different. 252 00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,471 I already had "been wasteful" on my list, so it works out perfect. 253 00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:09,449 I know, buddy. I feel like I'm dreamin' too. 254 00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:11,985 You know what, Woody? 255 00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:15,322 In honor of what I've learned, I'm gonna save... 256 00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,891 some of that CO2 stuff and coast down the mountain. 257 00:14:17,925 --> 00:14:20,427 [ Cheering, Applauding ] 258 00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:23,363 [ Grunting ] 259 00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:26,333 [ Murmuring ] 260 00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:32,372 [ Man ] Keep going! [ Woman ] Do it! 261 00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,207 [ Groans ] 262 00:14:43,183 --> 00:14:45,652 I'll coast after I get over this hump. 263 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:52,425 [ Vehicles Passing ] 264 00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:54,627 Good. You're here. 265 00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:57,965 I went through the checklist Woody gave me and got some things. 266 00:14:57,998 --> 00:15:01,501 Florescent bulbs that use less electricity. 267 00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:03,971 Reusable hemp bags for shoppin'. 268 00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:08,241 And look: Shampoo that's not tested on animals. 269 00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:11,278 I feel bad for those lab animals runnin' around with dirty hair, 270 00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:13,280 but if it's better for the environment, 271 00:15:13,313 --> 00:15:15,248 that's the sacrifice they have to make. 272 00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:20,253 [ Sighs ] 273 00:15:20,287 --> 00:15:23,123 Look, Randy. I notice you've been quiet recently, 274 00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:27,060 and, well, I understand how freaky this whole global warmin' thing can be. 275 00:15:27,094 --> 00:15:29,096 But don't you worry. We're gonna fix it. Okay, buddy? 276 00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:31,664 - [ Tapping ] - Mm-hmm. 277 00:15:46,513 --> 00:15:48,648 Hmm? [ Muffled Grunt ] 278 00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:51,518 [ Earl Narrating ] I was feelin' so good about savin' the planet, 279 00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:53,720 I even gave up the biggest status symbol an American has. 280 00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:56,489 [ Horn Honks ] Hey! Lance Dumbstrong! 281 00:15:56,523 --> 00:16:00,060 Don't you know ridin' bikes gives you nut cancer? 282 00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:02,729 - [ Laughs Loudly ] - [ Exhaust Sputtering ] 283 00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:05,698 [ Earl Narrating ] That's when I realized it didn't matter... 284 00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:08,735 how ecological I was livin' if Joy was gonna pollute and cancel me out. 285 00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:12,572 [ Fan Whirring ] 286 00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:20,180 Why is your fridge open? You're wastin' electricity. 287 00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:22,282 - You're the one that took the damn A.C. - Look, Joy, 288 00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:24,451 there's a thing called global warmin', and we gotta stop it. 289 00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:27,254 What do you think we're doin' in front of the cold 'frigerator, dummy? 290 00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:30,590 Move that thing! Blowin' turtle sweat all over me. 291 00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:36,096 And did you know you had a can of used oil in the front yard? 292 00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:38,265 I know. Darnell keeps forgettin' to dump it in the creek. 293 00:16:38,298 --> 00:16:41,401 You can't pour oil in the creek. If you do, 294 00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:43,503 the bar graph goes up, the pie chart gets bigger. 295 00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,738 The next thing you know, you got a big picture... 296 00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:48,108 of the Earth with a sweaty forehead and a sad face. 297 00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:50,077 The Earth doesn't have a face, stupid. 298 00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:52,212 You're thinkin' of the moon. [ Scoffs ] 299 00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:55,782 Fine. I'll take care of the oil. I can't believe you guys aren't more worried. 300 00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:58,218 Even Randy's freaked out. [ Gasps ] 301 00:16:58,251 --> 00:17:01,488 - Darnell, you care about global warmin', don't you? - I do care. 302 00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:04,424 I'm just not sure global warming is caused by man. 303 00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:08,228 I think it's a bit anthropocentric to think humans could have that much effect. 304 00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:11,131 [ Joy ] Yeah. I mean, why's it always gotta be the people's fault? 305 00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:13,333 What about what nature's doin' to us? 306 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:16,636 I saw a show the other day where these two caribou attacked an innocent hunter. 307 00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:19,106 I mean, he shot him, but still. 308 00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:20,773 Those animals are vicious. 309 00:17:25,312 --> 00:17:27,080 Are you lookin' at my boobs, dummy? 310 00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:33,420 [ Earl Narrating ] I was frustrated 'cause I realized... 311 00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:36,489 I was gonna have to double my efforts to make up for Joy canceling me out. 312 00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:38,525 [ Spraying ] Then it hit me. 313 00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:41,161 I wasn't just bein' canceled out by Joy. 314 00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:44,331 * They paved paradise Put up a parking lot * 315 00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:47,134 I was bein' canceled out by everyone. [ Horn Honks ] 316 00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:51,571 * With a pink hotel, a boutique and a swingin' hot spot * 317 00:17:51,604 --> 00:17:55,675 So I spent a couple days tryin' to get people to open their eyes. 318 00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:58,345 But most just didn't wanna listen. Hey! 319 00:17:58,378 --> 00:18:01,581 * They paved paradise Put up a parking lot * [ Chain Saw Revs ] 320 00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:05,118 And the people who did listen didn't seem to care. 321 00:18:05,152 --> 00:18:08,221 Look, pal, they're putting a cell phone tower in here. Trees have gotta go. I'm sorry. 322 00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:10,257 [ Bird Chirping ] A cell phone tower? But trees make air. 323 00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:12,425 And look. There's a bird livin' in one of them. 324 00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:15,828 "But trees make air. And look. There's a bird livin' in one of them." 325 00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:20,633 [ Earl Narrating ] So I decided if people weren't gonna change on their own, 326 00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:23,170 well, I was gonna have to make 'em change. [ Air Hissing ] 327 00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:25,705 I figured people couldn't waste gas if I broke off their air valves... 328 00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:27,707 and their tires went flat. 329 00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:31,811 ** [ Vocalizing ] 330 00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:34,681 * Hey, farmer, farmer And they couldn't waste electricity... 331 00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:36,883 when they didn't have that either. 332 00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:39,386 * Give me spots on my apples Here we go. 333 00:18:39,419 --> 00:18:41,588 ** [ Continues ] 334 00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:45,292 Damn. 335 00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:49,896 [ Earl Narrating ] Lookin' back, I can see I was losin' my mind a little. 336 00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:52,332 - * Put up a parking lot - [ Chirping ] 337 00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:56,903 But I was on a mission to save the world, and nothin' was gonna stop me. 338 00:18:56,936 --> 00:19:00,240 * They paved paradise Put up a parking lot * 339 00:19:00,273 --> 00:19:02,242 ** [ Vocalizing ] 340 00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:04,344 * They paved paradise 341 00:19:04,377 --> 00:19:08,348 It felt good to hit back against all those wasteful people. 342 00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:11,184 * They paved paradise Put up a parking lot * 343 00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:13,186 ** [ Woman Laughs ] 344 00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:14,887 ** [ Ends ] 345 00:19:19,526 --> 00:19:23,230 Esto iba a ser yo sacándome la cabeza y limpiando el polvo con ella. 346 00:19:23,263 --> 00:19:26,666 ¡Pero los dibujos animados son tan costosos! 347 00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:30,237 Así mejor me puedes ver bailar. 348 00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,906 [ Blows ] 349 00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:43,216 I made a difference today. [ Chirping ] 350 00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:45,352 Earl Hickey made a difference. 351 00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:48,855 And in a new report, coal pollution from China... 352 00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:51,324 is believed to contribute to global warming... 353 00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:55,628 more than all the cars in major U.S. cities combined. 354 00:19:55,662 --> 00:19:58,398 In a lighter note-- [ Earl Narrating ] And that pushed me over the edge. 355 00:19:58,431 --> 00:20:00,700 I wasn't bein' canceled out by all the people in Camden. 356 00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:02,802 I was bein' canceled out by the whole world. 357 00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:06,005 It doesn't matter what I do. Millions of people are undoin' it! 358 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:09,542 What, am I supposed to go to China and convince everybody to ride bicycles? 359 00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:11,778 They'll never go for that. We're all screwed, man! 360 00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:15,348 Screwed! 361 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:18,318 And there's nothin' we're gonna be able to do about it, buddy. We're screwed, man, screwed! 362 00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:20,219 Screwed! 363 00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,756 [ Male Voice ] Dude, your brother is totally buggin' out. 364 00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:26,626 [ Panting ] 365 00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:30,630 [ Cheering, Shouting ] 366 00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:33,533 Woody! There's millions of 'em! 367 00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:36,903 I can't stop everyone! We're all gonna die! 368 00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:40,039 Poof, poof! Poof, poof, poof! 369 00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,409 Poof, poof! Joey, grab his legs. We got a meltdown. 370 00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:44,677 Poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof, poof-- 371 00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:46,746 ** [ People Singing ] 372 00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:50,350 * Michael row the boat ashore * 373 00:20:50,383 --> 00:20:54,354 * Hallelujah * 374 00:20:54,387 --> 00:20:56,456 I think he's feeling better, guys. Thanks a lot. 375 00:20:57,924 --> 00:21:00,727 I don't know what to do, Woody. 376 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:04,931 I can't unknow what I know. And I can't keep people from doin' what they shouldn't do. 377 00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:07,534 There's a lot in life you-- you can't control. 378 00:21:07,567 --> 00:21:10,537 I mean, like, every time it rains, our houses dissolve. 379 00:21:10,570 --> 00:21:13,740 All you can do is keep feeding the cows and rebuilding. 380 00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:17,344 I want to move up here with you guys. At least you guys get it. 381 00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:21,781 Look, Earl, I have the feeling your list has really opened your eyes to a lot of things. 382 00:21:21,814 --> 00:21:25,418 You're startin' to see all the bad things in the world that need fixing. 383 00:21:25,452 --> 00:21:27,787 But you're trying to take on too much, man. 384 00:21:27,820 --> 00:21:30,490 You can't fix everything out there. 385 00:21:30,523 --> 00:21:33,059 Your list is your destiny. That's how you're gonna change the world. 386 00:21:35,495 --> 00:21:38,665 But what about the fossilized fuels in China? 387 00:21:38,698 --> 00:21:41,434 Why are you thinkin' about China? 388 00:21:41,468 --> 00:21:43,970 Well, you know-- "Think global, act local." Whoa, whoa, whoa. 389 00:21:44,003 --> 00:21:47,507 That's your problem right there. You're-- You're readin' too many bumper stickers, man. 390 00:21:47,540 --> 00:21:52,379 Don't try to think global. You'll drive yourself crazy. Think local. 391 00:21:52,412 --> 00:21:55,047 Just take five minutes a day to do something you wouldn't normally do. 392 00:21:55,081 --> 00:21:58,385 If everybody did that, global warming wouldn't be a problem. You dig? 393 00:22:00,553 --> 00:22:03,690 Oh, and, uh, you know what they said about, uh, eatin' an apple a day? 394 00:22:03,723 --> 00:22:06,693 Don't, 'cause they're loaded with pesticides. 395 00:22:06,726 --> 00:22:08,895 And whoever said laughter was the best medicine... 396 00:22:08,928 --> 00:22:11,398 never had gonorrhea. 397 00:22:13,966 --> 00:22:16,102 [ Earl Narrating ] Woody was right. 398 00:22:16,135 --> 00:22:18,938 I still had a bunch of messes on my list that needed cleanin' up... 399 00:22:18,971 --> 00:22:20,973 before I try cleanin' up the world. 400 00:22:21,007 --> 00:22:23,376 And spendin' five minutes a day helpin' the Earth-- 401 00:22:23,410 --> 00:22:25,445 well, it made me feel better, 402 00:22:25,478 --> 00:22:27,714 even if it did get my fingers a little sticky. 403 00:22:38,691 --> 00:22:42,094 Plus, once I calmed down, I think Randy started feelin' better too. 404 00:22:42,128 --> 00:22:44,831 [ Sighs ] 405 00:22:50,670 --> 00:22:52,672 Hey, Earl. 406 00:22:52,705 --> 00:22:54,574 Yeah, Randy? 407 00:22:54,607 --> 00:22:57,109 Who do you think would win in a fight-- Muppets or Sesame Street? 408 00:22:59,712 --> 00:23:01,848 I don't really think they'd fight. They're both pretty peaceful. 409 00:23:01,881 --> 00:23:04,016 Well, what if they had to? 410 00:23:04,050 --> 00:23:06,519 Like in that head-choppin'-off movie where there could be only one. 411 00:23:06,553 --> 00:23:08,621 Muppets. 412 00:23:10,657 --> 00:23:13,593 Okay. What about Muppets or Fraggles? 413 00:23:15,127 --> 00:23:18,531 - Muppets. - Okay. What about Muppets or He-Man? 414 00:23:18,565 --> 00:23:21,734 - Just He-Man, or He-Man and his friends? - Just He-Man. 415 00:23:21,768 --> 00:23:24,637 - Muppets. - That's who I had. 416 00:23:25,872 --> 00:23:28,207 - Good night, Earl. - Good night, Randy. 417 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:30,176 Hey, Darnell. 418 00:23:30,209 --> 00:23:32,011 Yeah, Joy? 419 00:23:32,044 --> 00:23:34,981 Who do you think would win in a fight-- your aunt or my mama? 420 00:23:35,014 --> 00:23:39,752 Well, your mom's a scrapper, but my aunt's got reach. I think I'd go with my aunt. 421 00:23:39,786 --> 00:23:41,888 What about your aunt versus my dad? 422 00:23:41,921 --> 00:23:44,824 Does he have a weapon? Like a baseball bat or somethin'? 423 00:23:44,857 --> 00:23:46,793 Just chairs. But they both have 'em. 424 00:23:46,826 --> 00:23:49,629 Mmm. I'm still gonna have to go with my aunt. 425 00:23:49,662 --> 00:23:52,164 Even if my cousins got involved? Yeah. I assumed... 426 00:23:52,198 --> 00:23:55,201 they would jump in as soon as my aunt attacked your father or mother or whatnot. 427 00:23:55,234 --> 00:23:58,938 Your aunt scares me, Darnell. Me too. 428 00:23:58,971 --> 00:24:01,040 Maybe we shouldn't do Thanksgiving this year. 429 00:24:01,073 --> 00:24:03,242 I was thinkin' the same thing. 430 00:24:03,275 --> 00:24:05,678 Good night, sweetie. Good night, babe. 36721

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