Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,969 --> 00:00:03,871
Hey, Earl,
did you ever worry...
2
00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:05,806
that you're gonna
forget how to walk?
3
00:00:05,873 --> 00:00:07,841
No, I can't say that I do.
4
00:00:07,908 --> 00:00:11,179
'Cause when we were eatin'
in there, I started to worry
that when we got up,
5
00:00:11,245 --> 00:00:13,347
my legs wouldn't
know what to do.
6
00:00:13,414 --> 00:00:15,716
They seem to be doin'
all right.
Yeah, for now.
7
00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:19,253
But every time I sit down,
it's like startin'
all over again.
8
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:22,123
- [ Meows ]
- We can't go that way.
9
00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:25,025
We can't walk across
that black cat's path.
10
00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:28,096
Fine. We'll go
the long way.
11
00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:30,298
[ Meows ]
12
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,800
He circled us.
I think we're stuck.
13
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:35,803
Randy, I'm not gonna
stand here forever just
'cause you're superstitious.
14
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:39,473
Why? Every day of my life
revolves around you
believin' in karma.
15
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:41,542
Plus, we always buy
the kind of cereal you like.
16
00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:45,213
How long do we have to wait?
17
00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:48,516
Three hours, or until
a white cat circles us
backwards.
18
00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:54,555
My name is Earl.
19
00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:02,530
[ Earl Narrating ]
I know we must've looked pretty
crazy sittin' on that sidewalk,
20
00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:05,166
but Randy insisted
we had to wait three hours...
21
00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:07,601
before it was safe to cross
a black cat's path.
22
00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:10,003
Damned thing circled us.
23
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,606
That's it. It's 3:15.
Let's go.
Wait.
24
00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:14,875
Ten seconds.
25
00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:17,345
- [ Sighs ]
- Eight, seven,
26
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:20,548
- six--
- [ Meows ]
27
00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:23,751
[ Earl Narrating ]
A black cat crosses your path
once, it's bad luck.
28
00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:26,987
It crosses your path twice,
it's really bad luck.
29
00:01:27,054 --> 00:01:30,691
But three times?
Well, that's when karma's
trying to tell you somethin'.
30
00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:35,296
And it was tellin' me
to fix number 56--
larceny of a kitty cat.
31
00:01:35,363 --> 00:01:38,799
[ Cats Meowing ]
Every year,
Camden had a cat show...
32
00:01:38,866 --> 00:01:43,437
which people who love cats
and had a lot of time on
their hands took real seriously.
33
00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:45,473
And like with every
competitive sportin' event--
[ Growling ]
34
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:47,675
there's always a front-runner.
35
00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:50,711
- Randy. Randy, that's him.
That's him.
- Where? I can't see anything.
36
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:53,781
These cats are makin'
my eyes watery
and my tongue all itchy.
37
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:57,017
I think I'm allergic to
whatever God makes 'em out of.
38
00:01:57,084 --> 00:01:59,387
Okay, Sebastian. Come on.
It's time for your
last-minute floss.
39
00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:01,589
Smile big like Mommy.
40
00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:04,858
And you think of somethin'
you like, like tuna
or a really slow mouse.
41
00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:07,595
[ Earl Narrating ]
So who would want me to harm
such a beautiful animal...
42
00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:10,931
just so they had
a better chance of winnin'
the first-place cash?
43
00:02:10,998 --> 00:02:15,603
What the hell you lookin' at?
You wanna know if her heinie
works, I'll bring you a turd.
44
00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:17,871
[ Earl Narrating ]
Being a big Tonya Harding fan,
45
00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:21,409
Joy wanted me to Nancy Kerrigan
the cat so it couldn't compete.
46
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:23,577
But I was havin' trouble
gettin' it done.
47
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:26,847
I don't even know where
a damn cat knee is.
My hands are burnin'.
48
00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:30,184
Ooh, it's droolin' and hummin'
that weird "I like you" sound
even though I hate it.
49
00:02:30,251 --> 00:02:31,752
[ Earl Narrating ]
I wanted to help Joy,
50
00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:33,921
but Sebastian's eyes
must've been prettier
than Nancy Kerrigan's,
51
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,889
'cause I just couldn't do it.
52
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:39,593
So I sneaked him into a place
where he'd be welcome...
53
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:43,063
and could pee
wherever he wanted to:
The sleepy cat lady's house.
54
00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:45,132
[ Cats Meowing ]
55
00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:49,837
With Sebastian out of the
picture, Joy thought her cat
might actually have a chance.
56
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:53,307
Healthy teeth.
Nice coat.
57
00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:56,277
Ma'am, is your cat
wearing lipstick?
58
00:02:56,344 --> 00:02:57,878
Mm-hmm, Lip Smackers--
same as mine.
59
00:02:57,945 --> 00:03:01,014
And are these
colored contact lenses?
Yeah.
60
00:03:01,081 --> 00:03:05,152
It was not easy gettin' 'em
in there. He's been jumpy ever
since I waxed his eyebrows.
61
00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:08,121
Charlotte, we have
a code "C" over here.
62
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:10,358
What's goin' on?
Am I a winner?
63
00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:12,226
[ Earl Narrating ]
Not only did Joy's cat not win,
64
00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:15,263
- it got rescued and put
into kitty foster care.
- Hold on!
65
00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:19,066
I gotta give those contacts
back to my neighbor Lateesha
before she goes on date night!
66
00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:22,903
[ Earl Narrating ] Since karma
wanted me to get Sebastian back
to the girl I stole him from,
67
00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:25,839
well, I went back to
the sleeping cat lady's house.
68
00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:29,343
Everything was exactly
how it was before,
except for the smell.
69
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:31,712
It was three years worse.
70
00:03:31,779 --> 00:03:35,683
Unfortunately,
to a guy like me,
all cats look the same,
71
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:38,252
and I couldn't tell
which one was Sebastian.
72
00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:40,288
[ Meowing ]
73
00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:43,924
To be honest, I was kind of
hopin' after all these years
of not havin' her cat,
74
00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:46,627
Judy would've moved on.
75
00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:50,831
But she hadn't.
How could you do that
to such an innocent creature?
76
00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:54,902
It was his idea.
I asked the same thing...
in my mind.
77
00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:57,338
At least this means
he's not lost.
78
00:03:57,405 --> 00:03:59,840
We know where to find him.
That's good, right?
79
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:02,610
Yeah, I guess. You know,
I'm tryin' not to hate you
right now,
80
00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:06,013
because hate is not
what Sebastian is about.
81
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:09,583
We sure are gonna get
a big tickle out of this when
we see each other. [ Giggles ]
82
00:04:09,650 --> 00:04:11,452
I like those dents
in your face.
83
00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:15,255
There they are again.
Quit!
84
00:04:15,323 --> 00:04:18,292
[ Earl Narrating ]
I had a suspicion about why
Randy was actin' so peculiar,
85
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:21,128
but before I could even
think about that,
86
00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:25,933
I had to brace my nostrils
for one more trip into
the sleeping cat lady's house.
87
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:27,868
[ Cats Meowing ]
88
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:30,003
- Randy, we'll be right out j--
- I'm comin' in.
89
00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:32,606
[ Earl Narrating ]
Not much'll get Randy
into a house full of cats.
90
00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:36,977
And judging by his smile,
I knew he had a crush on Judy.
91
00:04:38,446 --> 00:04:41,449
[ Judy ]
Sebastian Phillips Duchamps!
[ Meows ]
92
00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:45,453
[ Earl Narrating ] Even though
he had let himself go, Judy
could still pick out Sebastian,
93
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:48,055
which was a lot easier
than pickin' him up.
94
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:51,625
Well, he certainly has put on
an extra few pounds.
95
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:53,594
Hmm, fatty-fat-fat-fat?
[ Meows ]
96
00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:57,965
But Mommy won't be too critical,
'cause critical mommies make
for bulimic teenagers...
97
00:04:58,031 --> 00:05:01,268
that become needy adults
that drink a lot of red wine.
98
00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:04,805
I'll help you.
[ Grunts ]
99
00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:07,775
[ Earl Narrating ]
There's only two things that
Randy does that scare me.
100
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:10,010
One is the way
he stops breathin'
when he's sleepin'.
101
00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:14,515
The other is when he pretends
to be someone he isn't
because he likes a girl.
102
00:05:14,582 --> 00:05:18,786
There was the artsy chick
he dated who smoked cloves
and ate bone marrow.
103
00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:23,323
There was the girl whose parents
were Hasidic Jews.
104
00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:28,362
And the only member
of the Camden County
Black Power movement.
105
00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:31,365
The women liked Randy,
until he stopped pretendin'
to be somebody else...
106
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:33,401
and started just bein' Randy.
107
00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:35,268
I like it okay, I guess.
But I think...
108
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,938
when people talk
about their dreams,
it's kind of boring.
109
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:41,942
Unless there's aliens in it.
Did Martin Luther King's dream
have aliens in it?
110
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:44,978
[ Earl ] Unfortunately,
Martin Luther King's dream
didn't have aliens in it.
111
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:47,681
And that was just the beginning.
** [ Punk ]
112
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:50,518
It's not that he didn't try.
It was just a question
of time...
113
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:53,554
before the real Randy
exposed himself.
114
00:05:53,621 --> 00:05:55,723
This art doesn't
have a flusher.
115
00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:02,129
[ Earl Narrating ]
And even though Randy
usually wore the right thing,
116
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,064
he always said
the wrong thing.
117
00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:06,834
Sorry that took so long.
Got my foreskin caught
in my zipper.
118
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:09,603
[ Gasps ]
After each breakup,
Randy'd get pretty depressed.
119
00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:12,039
He didn't turn
to drugs or alcohol,
120
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:15,108
but he did turn to something
slightly harder to live with.
121
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:20,113
** [ Slow Pop ]
122
00:06:20,180 --> 00:06:25,152
* Lying in my bed
I hear the clock tick *
123
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:27,621
* And think of you *
124
00:06:27,688 --> 00:06:30,591
* Caught up in circles *
125
00:06:30,658 --> 00:06:34,795
* Confusion is nothing new *
126
00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:39,066
* Flashback, warm nights *
127
00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:41,735
* Almost left behind *
128
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:45,739
* The second hand unwinds *
129
00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:50,310
* If you're lost, you can look
and you will find me *
130
00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:53,013
* Time after time *
131
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:57,718
* If you fall, I will catch you
I will be waiting *
132
00:06:57,785 --> 00:07:01,321
* Time after time *
133
00:07:01,388 --> 00:07:05,092
* Time after time *
134
00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:08,929
* Time after time *
135
00:07:08,996 --> 00:07:10,898
* Time-- *
136
00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:14,802
[ Softly ]
* Time after time **
137
00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:18,171
[ Earl Narrating ] I was hopin'
this time would be different,
'cause even though Randy...
138
00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:21,041
- liked the dents in that
lady's face, he hated cats.
- I love cats.
139
00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:30,818
[ Earl Narrating ]
Randy had started datin'
the cat lady...
140
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:33,086
and was fightin'
through his allergies
to make things work.
141
00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:37,591
You're right! Gettin' out of
my place to get some fresh air
is a great idea.
142
00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:40,994
[ Earl Narrating ]
But just like every other time
he pretended to be someone else,
143
00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:43,997
I knew this was gonna
end badly.
[ Meowing ]
144
00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:48,101
I'm worried about him,
Crabman.
Have you talked to him?
145
00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:51,171
I tried, but whenever
you talk about
Randy's personal life,
146
00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:53,941
he gets edgy and turns
everything back on you.
147
00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:56,844
- It's like steppin' on a rake.
- Earl, buy me
some chicken wings.
148
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:59,146
You can't buy
your own chicken wings?
149
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:01,682
I'm facin' my third strike
and could spend the rest
of my life in prison,
150
00:08:01,749 --> 00:08:05,185
and you can't grant me
six scrawny-ass wings, some
celery sticks and blue cheese?
151
00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:07,420
Fine.
Get her some wings.
152
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,790
And a pitcher of margaritas.
153
00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:12,192
Tip him good too.
We're savin' up
for the kids' braces.
154
00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:13,994
Or a trampoline.
[ Chuckles ]
155
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:20,601
That stupid cat is makin'
my hands burn and my eyes water,
156
00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:22,770
and my tongue's startin'
to feel like it did...
157
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:25,138
when I ate all that
pink cotton candy stuff
in the attic.
158
00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:27,575
You should take
allergy medicine.
I take it all the time.
159
00:08:27,641 --> 00:08:29,643
It relaxes me in
social situations.
160
00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:34,514
I tried that. It helped with
the itching, but it made me
a little bit too thirsty.
161
00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:40,153
* Chugalug, chugalug *
162
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,790
* Make you wanna
holler hidey-ho *
163
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,826
* Burns your tummy
don't ya know *
164
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:48,596
* Chugalug, chugalug *
165
00:08:50,898 --> 00:08:54,034
* Chugalug, chugalug *
166
00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:57,104
* Make you wanna
holler hidey-ho *
167
00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:59,607
* Burns your tummy
don't ya know *
168
00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:01,675
* Chugalug, chugalug *
169
00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:04,077
* Chuga-jiggle-jaggle, yeah **
170
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:07,147
I don't need medicine.
I'm fine.
171
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:12,385
Randy, I need to talk to you
about somethin'... personal.
172
00:09:12,452 --> 00:09:15,422
Oh? Maybe I need to talk to you
about somethin' personal,
jerk-head.
173
00:09:15,488 --> 00:09:17,390
See? Steppin' on a rake.
174
00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:20,293
Randy, you need
to listen to this.
175
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:24,097
Yeah, maybe you need to listen,
mustache-too-big-for-your-face.
176
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:26,466
Look, buddy, lash back
all you want,
177
00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:30,604
but I gotta say, I don't know
why you have to lie to Judy
and be somethin' you're not.
178
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:34,507
I mean, you're gonna have to
be yourself sooner or later.
Why not just do it now?
179
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:38,511
If I'm myself, she won't
like me, left-eye-lower-
than-the-right-one.
180
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:43,016
Of course she won't like you.
You hate cats, and she's
eventually gonna find out.
181
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,418
I've seen it happen,
time after time.
182
00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:48,789
Well, I'd rather have
a girlfriend for two weeks
than no girlfriend for no weeks.
183
00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:51,424
Just leave me alone.
184
00:09:51,491 --> 00:09:53,694
If you fall,
I won't catch you.
185
00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:56,263
I won't be waitin'.
186
00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:58,331
[ Man On TV ]
As the majestic hues--
[ Purring ]
187
00:09:58,398 --> 00:10:01,935
Oh, look, the Grand Canyon!
We should go there,
all three of us.
188
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:05,673
We could take a car ride
and sleep in a tent and take
one of those burro rides.
189
00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:08,241
I could be on one burro,
and you could hold Sebastian
on another.
190
00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:10,343
You're so strong.
He's gonna wanna ride
with you anyway.
191
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:12,312
I hate cats.
What?
192
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:14,882
- Huh?
- You hate what?
What'd you say?
193
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:17,951
[ Sighs ]
I'm allergic to cats.
194
00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:21,655
And even if I wasn't allergic,
I don't like 'em, 'cause they
act like they're better than me,
195
00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:23,791
which maybe they are.
196
00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:26,794
I'm sorry.
I've been actin' like
I'm somebody else,
197
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:29,096
and-- and that's
who you like-- not me.
198
00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:34,534
Now--
[ Sniffles ]
[ Meows ]
199
00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:39,639
if you'll excuse me, I need
to go buy a new Cyndi Lauper CD
and have myself a little cry.
200
00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:43,844
Randy, wait.
201
00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:47,715
I don't want to end up
like that sleepy cat lady.
202
00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:50,818
You're not like her.
You're young and pretty...
203
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:53,220
and alert enough to wake up
if somethin' pees on you.
204
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:55,823
No, I mean I don't want
to end up alone.
205
00:10:56,857 --> 00:11:01,361
Look, Randy,
I'll get rid of Sebastian.
206
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:08,668
[ Growling ]
207
00:11:08,736 --> 00:11:11,138
I win.
208
00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:16,710
[ Earl Narrating ]
The good news was Randy and Judy
were gonna be together.
209
00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:20,848
The bad news is
I had to figure out
what to do with Sebastian.
210
00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:23,616
Crabman, two beers,
and put one in a bowl, please.
211
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:26,486
Why do you still have that cat?
I've been tryin'
to find a home for him,
212
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:30,924
but nobody wants
a chubby cat who wheezes
after he takes a dook.
213
00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:35,228
Maybe make his
a light beer.
214
00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:38,832
- Hey, Joy, you want a cat?
- Do I look like
I want a damn cat?
215
00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:41,902
I think you should put this cat
on your list, Earl.
216
00:11:41,969 --> 00:11:45,472
No, the girl I took him
from's on there.
I don't put animals on my list.
217
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:49,109
I'm serious.
He used to be a proud champion
before you stole him.
218
00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:52,846
Now he just looks sad.
I can see it in his eyes.
219
00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:54,782
He misses bein' a champ.
[ Purring ]
220
00:11:54,848 --> 00:11:57,818
I saw Carl Lewis
at the airport once,
and he looked the same way.
221
00:11:57,885 --> 00:12:00,153
Look, I'm not puttin' a cat
on my list.
222
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,322
You would if you
looked into his eyes.
223
00:12:06,026 --> 00:12:08,028
[ Joy ]
He does have nice eyes, Earl.
224
00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:09,963
Five bucks if you kiss him
on the lips.
225
00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:13,166
[ Earl Narrating ]
The thought of putting an animal
on my list seemed crazy.
226
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:16,303
But what if he did
miss bein' a champion
'cause of what I did?
227
00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:19,239
The more I stared, well,
the more I started to see...
228
00:12:19,306 --> 00:12:22,009
a sad little Carl Lewis
in there starin' back at me.
229
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,944
Damn it.
230
00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:31,451
While I entered the new world
of tryin' to get a cat back
into championship shape,
231
00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:34,454
Randy entered the new world
of being himself
around a girlfriend.
232
00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:37,157
Don't you wanna
take your shoes off
and get comfortable?
233
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:40,093
My feet smell.
That's what feet are
supposed to do, silly.
234
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:43,763
Why do you think God put 'em
so far away from your nose?
235
00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:52,239
Quit. It's cute.
236
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:57,577
* I see your true colors *
237
00:12:57,644 --> 00:13:00,547
* And that's why I love you *
238
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:03,550
* So don't be afraid *
239
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,685
* To let it show *
240
00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:08,721
* Your true colors *
241
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:11,825
* Your true colors *
242
00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:17,530
* Are beautiful
like a rainbow *
243
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,335
* If this world
makes you crazy *
244
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:25,172
* And you've taken all you can *
[ Growling ]
245
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:28,741
* Then you call me up *
246
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,244
* You know I'll be there *
247
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:36,216
* And I see your true colors
shining through *
248
00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:39,987
* I see your true colors *
249
00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:42,856
* And that's why I love you *
250
00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:48,528
* So don't be afraid
to let it show *
251
00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:51,398
* Your true colors *
252
00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:53,366
* True colors **
[ Earl Narrating ]
It was finally show day,
253
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:55,135
and Sebastian and I
were feelin' good.
254
00:13:55,202 --> 00:13:57,170
And we'd gotten close too.
255
00:13:57,237 --> 00:14:01,708
I even laid out two ties
out on the bed and let him pick
which one I should wear.
256
00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:07,214
Now entering the ring,
domestic shorthair
Sebastian Duchamps,
257
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:10,984
with handler Earl J. Hickey.
258
00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:14,654
- [ Applauding ]
- [ Earl Narrating ] Sebastian
was keeping his cool,
259
00:14:14,721 --> 00:14:17,590
but I was more
than a little nervous.
260
00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:36,576
Sir. Sir, the cones
are for the cat.
261
00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:42,749
I didn't know you
exchanged presents on
your two-week anniversary.
262
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:46,753
I've never had one.
[ Man ] Now entering the ring,
Prince Folgin--
263
00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:49,056
- Do you like it?
- I love it.
264
00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:51,591
I've also never had
any jewelry before.
265
00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:54,427
Well, I did have
a medical alert tag,
but I pawned it.
266
00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:58,198
I can't even remember
what it said.
267
00:14:58,265 --> 00:15:00,000
[ Earl Narrating ]
As Randy put on
his new necklace,
268
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:03,937
he noticed it was not unlike
some of the other necklaces
in the room.
269
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:08,775
I can't wait to show you off
to all my friends. They all
assumed I was gonna die alone.
270
00:15:08,841 --> 00:15:12,079
[ Earl Narrating ] In fact,
Randy's necklace wasn't the only
thing startin' to bother him.
271
00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:17,184
He was startin' to think
maybe the way Judy treated him
wasn't normal.
272
00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:28,761
Get down.
Get down from there.
Go on. Shoo!
273
00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:30,663
Go, go, go,
go, go, go.
274
00:15:39,306 --> 00:15:42,475
Hey, Hilary!
Hilary, it's me!
275
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:45,345
Wait right there!
I want you to meet Randy!
276
00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:49,082
Come on, big boy!
Come on. Come on.
277
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:51,284
Come on.
Get over here.
278
00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:59,659
Enough!
What?
279
00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:03,430
I'm not a cat.
280
00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:05,032
[ Cat Meows ]
281
00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:11,938
[ Man ]
Here's Justina with
her two feline siblings.
282
00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:15,542
Randy!
What is going on?
283
00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:19,879
I know you're not a cat.
I mean, is it this?
284
00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:22,715
You know, what if you got lost,
and someone needed to find
where you--
285
00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:25,318
I'm a human. When I get lost,
I ask somebody for directions.
286
00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:27,387
I do it, like,
four times a week.
287
00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:31,124
Okay. All right.
Just-Just calm down,
all right? It--
288
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,993
Who's my special boy?
Who's my special boy?
289
00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:36,329
Come on! Come on!
Who's my--
290
00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:40,367
Oh, my God.
Look at me.
291
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:43,970
Oh, I'm so sorry.
It's okay.
292
00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:47,006
Sometimes people do things
without realizin' that
they're doin' 'em.
293
00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:49,842
I tried so hard.
294
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:51,978
I guess I am who I am,
you know?
295
00:16:52,045 --> 00:16:55,348
I-- I guess...
I'm a cat lady.
296
00:16:55,415 --> 00:16:58,185
Maybe someday
I'll be granted
three wishes,
297
00:16:58,251 --> 00:17:00,720
and I can use one to wish
I wasn't allergic to cats.
298
00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:03,123
And then
I'd still have two left
for flyin' and world peace.
299
00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:06,759
Of course, that would mean
that Candy-Randy Ice Cream
would have to wait,
300
00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:09,062
but that was basically
just rocky road
with Red Hots.
301
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:11,898
I wish I could be
a different person.
302
00:17:11,964 --> 00:17:14,767
I don't.
303
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:21,374
Hey, mind if I keep
that collar?
It'll remind me of you.
304
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:24,111
Here you go.
305
00:17:24,177 --> 00:17:26,045
I don't have anything
to give you,
306
00:17:26,113 --> 00:17:29,048
but you'll remember me
when you turn on your lamp
and it falls apart,
307
00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:31,984
because I broke it
and didn't want to tell you.
308
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:34,621
Second place,
to a Persian.
309
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:37,690
Like your cat's better
just 'cause it's from France.
310
00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:40,893
We gotta go to
Hendersonville next week
for the next cat show.
311
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:44,131
Don't worry, buddy.
We're gonna mop the floor
with that furry little slut.
312
00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:46,366
It's all right, Earl.
I'll take him.
313
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:49,469
Oh!
But he's on my list.
314
00:17:49,536 --> 00:17:52,139
I'll finish what you started.
315
00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:54,541
- Good-bye, Randy.
- Bye.
316
00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:58,745
Hey, did you miss me? Huh?
Oh, you are ripped!
317
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:02,682
Feel that little bicep,
you sexy, sexy boy.
318
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:05,452
Wait. Why is she
takin' the cat?
How are you and her gonna--
319
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:09,722
We broke up.
Should I get
the boom box?
320
00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:14,026
No. I don't think I need it.
She liked me, Earl.
321
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:18,198
Even when I laughed so hard
I ripped one, she laughed
so hard she ripped one.
322
00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:20,300
She liked me.
323
00:18:20,367 --> 00:18:22,469
Good for you, buddy.
324
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:26,306
You know, I bet there's
a lot of girls out there that
would like the real Randy.
325
00:18:26,373 --> 00:18:29,342
All I need is one--
one that hates cats.
326
00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:32,379
And birds. And pickles--
dill pickles--
327
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:35,382
Not the bread-and-butter kind
that Aunt Paula used to make.
328
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:39,186
And Wednesdays.
She's gotta hate Wednesdays too.
329
00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:50,463
[ Door Opens ]
330
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:57,737
[ Shouting On TV ]
331
00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:02,975
Earl. Earl.
332
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:05,212
Yeah?
333
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:07,880
That sleepwalkin' guy
is back again.
334
00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:11,684
Probably just thinks
this is his room.
He lives right below us.
335
00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:13,886
I know. I just thought
I should tell you.
336
00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:17,056
You want me to get rid of him?
I don't know.
337
00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:20,327
I'm not as scared of him
anymore now that I know
he's not a ghost.
338
00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:22,362
But it's hard to sleep
with a stranger in here.
339
00:19:22,429 --> 00:19:24,497
I'll go talk to him.
340
00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:28,701
No, I don't think you should.
I heard that if you wake
one of 'em up, it'll kill 'em.
341
00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:30,737
That's only true
if you scare him.
342
00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:32,772
If you ease him awake,
he should be fine.
343
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:35,942
Okay, I'll try.
344
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:45,218
[ Quietly ]
Paul. Paul.
345
00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:48,087
Paul. Paul.
346
00:19:48,154 --> 00:19:50,523
Paul.
Paul.
347
00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:56,496
Paul. Paul. Paul.
Paul. Paul.
348
00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:59,232
[ Louder ]
Paul? Paul. Paul?
349
00:19:59,299 --> 00:20:02,869
Paul. Paul. Paul.
350
00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:07,139
Paul. Paul.
Paul. Paul.
351
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:11,043
Paul. Paul. Paul.
Paul.
352
00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:15,014
Paul. Paul.
Paul. Paul.
353
00:20:15,081 --> 00:20:17,817
Paul. Paul?
Paul. Paul?
354
00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:20,953
Paul. Paul.
Paul? Paul.
355
00:20:21,020 --> 00:20:23,423
Paul. Paul.
Paul.
356
00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:27,660
[ Gunfire On TV ]
[ Horses Whinnying On TV ]
357
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,662
Paul?
358
00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:40,307
I think I'll just let him be.
He'll leave when he's ready.
29474
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.