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1
00:00:00,901 --> 00:00:03,671
MY NAME IS EARL.
2
00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:07,108
YOU KNOW HOW THOSE AMISH PEOPLE
ALL CHIP IN WHEN
IT'S TIME TO BUILD A BARN?
3
00:00:07,175 --> 00:00:10,411
WELL, THAT'S WHAT
WE DO AT THE MOTEL
WHEN WAXIN' WILMA'S MUSTACHE.
4
00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:14,548
THANKS FOR DOING THIS, GUYS.
MY HUSBAND SAID IT'S LIKE
FRENCH-KISSING HIS BROTHER FRED.
5
00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:17,618
NO PROBLEM, WILMA. MAYBE
SOMEDAY, I'LL NEED UNWANTED
HAIR RIPPED OFF MY BODY,
6
00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:19,987
AND YOU'LL BE THE ONE
TO HOLD ME DOWN.
7
00:00:20,054 --> 00:00:21,555
OW!
8
00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:29,763
[ Earl Narrating ]
DISTURBIN' AS IT WAS, STARIN' AT
WILMA'S RIPPED-OFF MUSTACHE...
9
00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:33,033
HELPED ME DECIDE WHAT TO DO
NEXT ON MY LIST.
[ Bell Ringing ]
10
00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:36,036
NUMBER 91--
MADE FUN OF MAGGIE LESTER.
11
00:00:36,104 --> 00:00:38,739
CLASS, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO MEET
OUR NEW STUDENT, MAGGIE LESTER.
12
00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:42,376
SHE'S FROM ARIZONA,
AND HER PARENTS ARE DIVORCED.
LET'S MAKE HER FEEL WELCOME.
13
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,314
[ Earl Narrating ]
UNFORTUNATELY FOR MAGGIE,
14
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,516
TOM SELLECK WAS
THE BIGGEST STAR ON TV,
15
00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:51,119
AND, WELL, I WAS
THE BIGGEST JERK IN MY CLASS.
16
00:00:51,185 --> 00:00:53,387
WOW! LOOK AT
THE MUSTACHE ON THIS GIRL.
17
00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:56,390
HEY, LOOK, EVERYBODY!
IT'S MAGGIE P.I.!
18
00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:57,825
[ Laughter ]
19
00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:01,162
SHE REMAINED MAGGIE P.I.
UNTIL SHE LEFT
WILLIAMSBURG JUNIOR HIGH...
20
00:01:01,229 --> 00:01:02,996
A COUPLE MONTHS LATER
TO BE HOMESCHOOLED.
21
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,665
I NEVER SAW HER AGAIN.
22
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:07,468
THERE'S A LOT OF LESTERS HERE,
BUT I DON'T SEE ANY MAGGIES.
23
00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:10,471
THERE'S A MAGGIE.
THAT'S A MAGGIE LARSON,
RANDY.
24
00:01:10,538 --> 00:01:12,873
OH. BOTH NAMES
HAVE TO BE ON THE SAME LINE.
25
00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:16,076
I FEEL BAD
FOR THIS MAGGIE LESTER.
CHILDREN CAN BE VERY CRUEL.
26
00:01:16,144 --> 00:01:19,247
IN MY VILLAGE,
THEY USED TO LAUGH
AND CALL ME CHUPA CHUPS.
27
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:21,815
THAT SOUNDS CUTE.
IT WAS NOT CUTE.
28
00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:24,318
IT MEANS "LOLLIPOP."
I HAD A BIG HEAD
AND A LITTLE BODY.
29
00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:26,420
I WAS ALWAYS TIPPING OVER.
GOT IT.
30
00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:30,724
HERE'S A MAGGIE LESTER LIVIN'
SOMEWHERE CALLED SHADY GROVE.
31
00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:33,327
[ Earl Narrating ]
WHILE I WAS TRACKIN' DOWN
MY OLD CLASSMATE MAGGIE,
32
00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:36,730
JOY WAS DEALIN' WITH A SITUATION
FROM HER MORE RECENT PAST.
33
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:38,932
BABY, I LOVE THAT
SPRAY-ON STOCKING STUFF.
34
00:01:38,999 --> 00:01:42,236
IT MAKES YOUR LEGS
LOOK HOT, AND IT
MAKES ME A LITTLE HIGH.
35
00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:45,973
AND THAT'S EXACTLY HOW
I WANT THE PUBLIC DEFENDER
TO FEEL WHEN I MEET HIM TODAY.
36
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:49,710
I WANT HIM TO THINK
IF HE GETS ME OFF,
I'LL RETURN THE FAVOR.
37
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,679
DAMN IT!
I GOT LATINA.
38
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:54,415
[ Earl Narrating ]
RECENTLY, JOY HAD RUN
INTO SOME TROUBLE WITH THE LAW.
39
00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:57,785
SHE WAS ARRESTED FOR
GRAND THEFT AUTO AND KIDNAPPIN'.
40
00:01:57,851 --> 00:01:59,853
IF CONVICTED,
IT WOULD BE HER THIRD STRIKE.
41
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:03,891
ALL RIGHT, NOW TELL ME
IF YOU CAN SEE MY THONG
WHEN I BEND OVER.
42
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,926
WHAT THONG?
43
00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:08,929
PERFECT.
LET'S GO.
44
00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:12,566
AND HERE.
PUT THESE SOCKS DOWN YOUR PANTS
JUST IN CASE HE'S GAY.
45
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:17,104
[ Earl Narrating ]
RANDY AND I
FOUND MAGGIE'S HOUSE.
46
00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:21,074
AND IT TURNED OUT
SHADY GROVE WASN'T TOO FAR
FROM CAMDEN COUNTY.
47
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:24,212
THIS NEIGHBORHOOD IS NICE.
48
00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:26,680
I HOPE MAGGIE REMEMBERS ME.
49
00:02:30,451 --> 00:02:33,721
I'M NEVER GONNA
FIND ANYONE TO LOVE ME.
WHAT?
50
00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:37,625
OH, NOTHIN'.
I WAS JUST THINKING
OF SOMETHIN' ELSE.
51
00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:42,363
MAYBE THIS IS THE WRONG PLACE.
[ Woman ]
COMING.
52
00:02:46,099 --> 00:02:48,802
NOPE, THIS IS
THE RIGHT PLACE.
53
00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:55,676
REMEMBER ME?
54
00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:59,880
EARL HICKEY
AND MY BROTHER RANDY?
EARL HICKEY FROM JUNIOR HIGH?
55
00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:04,452
WOW! I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU.
YOU LOOK DIFFERENT
WITH THAT MUSTACHE.
56
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:09,323
- [ Clears Throat ]
AND... YOU. LOOK AT YOU.
- [ Chuckles ]
57
00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:13,060
MAGGIE INVITED US IN
FOR COOKIES, AND I EXPLAINED
ALL ABOUT MY LIST.
58
00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:17,531
SO, UH, HOW CAN
I MAKE IT UP TO YOU?
WE COULD WAX YOUR FACE.
59
00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:21,969
OR YOUR CAR.
WE'LL WAX WHICHEVER.
60
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:27,775
UH, 'CAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE
YOUR BEARD ISN'T, UH,
BEAUTIFUL AND FEMININE.
61
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:30,511
IT'S OKAY, EARL.
I USED TO WAX
AND SHAVE AND PLUCK.
62
00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:35,015
AND I EVEN WORE A SKI MASK
FOR A WHILE, BUT IT MADE IT
IMPOSSIBLE TO GO TO THE BANK.
63
00:03:35,082 --> 00:03:39,119
THEN I REALIZED
THIS IS JUST WHO I AM.
IT'S MY LIFE. IT'S MY JOB.
64
00:03:39,186 --> 00:03:41,689
YOUR JOB?
65
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:47,060
[ Earl Narrating ]
TURNED OUT MAGGIE
WAS IN THE CARNIVAL BUSINESS.
66
00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:49,763
AND AS WE GOT TO KNOW MORE
ABOUT HER, WE FOUND THAT...
67
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:53,434
SHE WAS VERY SWEET,
A GREAT HOSTESS,
AND HAD A LOT OF TALENTS.
68
00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:55,903
YOU GOT A REAL PRETTY HOUSE.
69
00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:59,072
NO PLASTIC.
THE WOOD'S ACTUALLY
MADE OF WOOD.
70
00:03:59,139 --> 00:04:01,208
THAT WAS ORIGINALLY
THE KITCHEN DOOR,
71
00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:03,744
BUT I REMOVED IT
AND TURNED IT INTO A TABLE
WHEN I DID MY REMODEL.
72
00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:07,214
A DOOR FOR A TABLE.
WOW.
[ Chuckles ]
73
00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:10,318
YOU CAN TOUCH IT
IF YOU WANT TO, RANDY.
74
00:04:13,321 --> 00:04:15,923
IT'S SO SOFT.
75
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:19,993
I LOVE FIXING UP HOUSES.
NOT TO MENTION, IT REALLY
INCREASES THEIR VALUE.
76
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:23,297
SOUNDS SMART. I MEAN,
ANYTHING YOU CAN DO
TO INCR-- RANDY?
77
00:04:23,364 --> 00:04:25,733
- BUT I'M NOT DONE YET.
- YES, YOU ARE.
78
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:30,237
WELL, I'M GLAD TO KNOW THAT, UH,
YOU'RE DOIN' SO GOOD, MAGGIE.
79
00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:33,841
BUT YOU STILL GOTTA LET ME
MAKE THIS UP TO YOU.
OH, WE WERE KIDS.
80
00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:37,077
YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORST
PART WAS? YOU NEVER GOT
TO KNOW ME AS A PERSON.
81
00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:40,414
AND TODAY, YOU DID THAT.
SO YOU CAN CROSS ME OFF
YOUR LIST, EARL.
82
00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:43,283
THANKS, MAGGIE.
83
00:04:43,351 --> 00:04:45,185
[ Earl Narrating ]
MAGGIE WAS RIGHT.
84
00:04:45,252 --> 00:04:48,656
NOT GETTIN' TO KNOW HER
WAS MY MISTAKE,
A MISTAKE I WAS GLAD TO FIX.
85
00:04:51,859 --> 00:04:56,997
WELL, SHE SURE WAS NICE. I BET
WE WOULD'VE BEEN FRIENDS WHEN
WE WERE KIDS IF I WASN'T SO--
86
00:04:57,064 --> 00:04:59,299
CHECK IT OUT.
87
00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:01,735
HE'S OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD.
[ Laughs ]
88
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:03,871
[ Randy ]
LOOK AT THAT TALL GUY, EARL.
89
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:06,740
HE LOOKS JUST LIKE
A STRETCH ARMSTRONG DOLL RIGHT
BEFORE I PULLED HIM IN HALF.
90
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:09,109
- HI, PAUL.
- MAN, LOOK AT HER!
91
00:05:09,176 --> 00:05:11,211
OH, MY GOD!
YOU KNOW WHAT
THIS PLACE MUST BE?
92
00:05:11,278 --> 00:05:13,514
A CARTOON?
NO.
93
00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:16,249
I THINK IT'S WHERE
ALL THE CARNIVAL PEOPLE LIVE
WHEN THEY AREN'T WORKING.
94
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:19,186
IT'S A FREAK TOWN.
95
00:05:19,252 --> 00:05:21,955
EXCEPT FOR THAT KID.
HE'S NORMAL.
96
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:25,959
LOOK AT HIS HANDS, EARL!
THEY'RE LIKE LOBSTERS,
97
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:28,729
BUT WITHOUT THE RUBBER BANDS
TO STOP HIM
FROM BITIN' US WITH HIS HANDS.
98
00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:31,932
THIS PLACE IS FREAKY, RANDY.
LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.
99
00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:36,704
WAIT A SECOND.
I'M DOIN' IT AGAIN, RANDY.
100
00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:40,741
I'M MAKIN' FUN OF PEOPLE 'CAUSE
THEY LOOK A LITTLE DIFFERENT,
JUST LIKE I DID WITH MAGGIE.
101
00:05:40,808 --> 00:05:42,943
KARMA BROUGHT US HERE
FOR A REASON.
102
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:45,713
I MEAN,
WHAT GOOD IS IT TO CROSS
MAGGIE OFF THE LIST...
103
00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:47,915
IF I'M GONNA KEEP DOING
THE SAME THING
TO OTHER PEOPLE?
104
00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:50,784
YOU KNOW WHAT, RANDY?
I'M GONNA GET TO KNOW...
105
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:54,522
EVERY PERSON
IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD FOR
WHO THEY ARE ON THE INSIDE.
106
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:59,460
IF YOU MAKE FRIENDS
WITH ANYBODY, MAKE FRIENDS
WITH THE TALL GUY.
107
00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:03,196
I KNOW WHERE THERE'S
A FRISBEE STUCK IN A TREE.
108
00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:06,333
WHEN I WENT BACK
AND TOLD MAGGIE I WANTED
TO GET TO KNOW HER NEIGHBORS,
109
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,903
SHE THOUGHT IT WAS A GREAT IDEA
AND INVITED EVERYBODY OVER
FOR A BARBECUE.
110
00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:15,476
ONE BY ONE, WE GOT TO KNOW 'EM,
AND WE LEARNED
ALL KINDS OF THINGS,
111
00:06:15,543 --> 00:06:18,879
LIKE THE FACT THAT
WILLIAM WAS A HELL OF A COOK.
112
00:06:18,946 --> 00:06:21,715
- THIS BURGER'S DELICIOUS.
- THANK YOU. IT'S BLACK ANGUS.
113
00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:25,986
I DON'T THINK I CAN EAT IT
NOW THAT I KNOW THE COW'S NAME.
114
00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:30,491
[ Earl Narrating ]
KEVIN MIGHT'VE HAD
A HORN ON HIS HEAD,
115
00:06:30,558 --> 00:06:32,560
BUT HE DIDN'T HAVE
A CHIP ON HIS SHOULDER.
116
00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:35,028
THAT'S PRETTY COOL.
CAN YOU TAKE YOUR HEAD
ON A PLANE?
117
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:38,466
NOT SINCE 9/11.
WE'RE ALL MAKING SACRIFICES.
118
00:06:40,668 --> 00:06:42,670
[ Earl Narrating ]
KEVIN ALSO WORKED MAGIC
WITH CARS.
119
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:45,873
HE HAD RESTORED MORE THAN 20
ALL ON HIS OWN.
120
00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:48,476
AND PAUL KNEW EVERYTHING
ABOUT THE STOCK MARKET.
121
00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:50,778
HE DIDN'T LOOK DOWN ON US
FOR NOT UNDERSTANDIN'.
122
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:54,247
HE ONLY LOOKED DOWN ON US
'CAUSE HE WAS SO TALL.
I'M CONFUSED.
123
00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:58,018
YOU OWN $20,000 WORTH
OF KRISPY KREMES, BUT YOU STILL
HAVE TO PAY FOR DOUGHNUTS?
124
00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:00,488
I DON'T GET DOUGHNUTS.
I GET DIVIDENDS.
125
00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:04,758
MMM, DIVIDENDS.
ARE THEY LIKE THOSE
LITTLE POWDERED MUNCHKINS?
126
00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:07,795
NO OFFENSE, WILLIAM.
NO WORRIES.
127
00:07:09,897 --> 00:07:11,732
[ Earl Narrating ]
JEAN GAVE THE MOST
AMAZING NECK RUBS.
128
00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:14,301
- WHO'S NEXT?
- KEVIN?
129
00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:16,169
YOU CAN GO.
I DON'T HAVE A NECK.
130
00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:21,609
WELL, SON OF A BITCH.
I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE THAT.
131
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,611
GUESS I WAS TOO BUSY
LOOKIN' AT THE HORN.
132
00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:26,279
YEAH, THE HORN
KIND OF STEALS THE SHOW.
133
00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:28,649
[ Earl Narrating ]
AND TOMMY TAUGHT ME
HOW TO RIDE A SKATEBOARD...
134
00:07:28,716 --> 00:07:30,818
WITHOUT FALLIN' OFF
AND SCRAPING MY KNEES.
135
00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:38,091
AS WE GOT TO MEET
MAGGIE'S NEIGHBORS, JOY GOT
TO FINALLY MEET HER LAWYER.
136
00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:43,163
WOW! LOOK AT YOU.
137
00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:46,099
I'M GLAD YOU'RE THE ONE
THAT'S GONNA BE HANDLIN'
MY BRIEFS.
138
00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:48,335
DON'T GET INSECURE, BABY.
IT'S ALL AN ACT.
139
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:51,238
OH, NO, NO.
I'M NOT YOUR ATTORNEY.
I'LL GO GET HER.
140
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:53,340
"HER"?
141
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:58,378
DARNELL, THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL
I WANT A WOMAN TO REPRESENT ME.
142
00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:00,748
NOBODY PAYS ATTENTION TO A WOMAN
UNLESS SHE'S ON THEIR LAP...
143
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,850
WITH TWO MINUTES LEFT
IN THE DAMN SONG.
144
00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:05,853
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
THERE ARE A LOT
OF SMART WOMEN OUT THERE.
145
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:07,888
DIANE SAWYER
AND THAT CHINESE CHICK
AT THE DELI.
146
00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:12,059
SHE ALWAYS GETS OUR ORDER RIGHT,
AND SHE TOTALLY GUESSED WHO
WOULD WIN AT THE KENTUCKY DERBY.
147
00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:15,462
I'M RUBY WHITLOW,
AND THIS IS
MY INTERPRETER DOUG. HI.
148
00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:17,865
- [ Mouthing Words ]
- SORRY I'M LATE.
149
00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:20,701
HEY. IT'S VERY NICE
TO MEET YOU.
150
00:08:20,768 --> 00:08:24,905
CAN YOU PLEASE TELL HER THAT
I'M GONNA NEED ANOTHER LAWYER?
IT'S NOTHIN' PERSONAL.
151
00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:26,874
IT'S JUST I DON'T WANNA
BE REPRESENTED BY SOMEBODY...
152
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:29,109
WHOSE EARS ARE ONLY
GOOD FOR HOLDIN' UP GLASSES.
153
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,979
- DON'T TELL HER
THAT LAST PART THOUGH.
- SHE CAN READ LIPS.
154
00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:34,615
OH.
155
00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:38,952
IT'S NOTHIN'
AGAINST THE DEAF.
156
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:43,591
UM, THE WAY MY KIDS
ACT UP MOST DAYS,
157
00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:45,793
I WISH I COULDN'T HEAR.
158
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:48,662
NO, BUT SERIOUSLY,
NOT TO BE RUDE.
159
00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:52,132
I WILL LET YOU BAG MY GROCERIES,
I WILL LET YOU
GREET ME AT WAL-MART,
160
00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:55,202
I WILL EVEN BUY PENCILS
FROM YOU AT THE BUS STATION
FOR AN UNREASONABLE PRICE.
161
00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:58,071
BUT THIS IS MY THIRD STRIKE,
AND I REALLY JUST
DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE...
162
00:08:58,138 --> 00:09:00,340
PUTTIN' MY LIFE
IN YOUR DEAF HANDS.
163
00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:04,411
- YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, RIGHT?
- SHE SAYS SHE'S THE LAWYER
THE COURT APPOINTED YOU.
164
00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:07,314
AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT,
YOU CAN REPRESENT YOURSELF,
165
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,416
YOU IGNORANT
WHITE TRASH WHORE.
166
00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:11,184
[ Gasps ]
WELL, THOSE ARE TOUGH WORDS...
167
00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:14,387
COMIN' FROM A WOMAN
WHO CAN'T EVEN SAY 'EM!
168
00:09:14,454 --> 00:09:16,289
COME ON, DARNELL!
169
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:32,372
[ Earl Narrating ]
NOT SURPRISINGLY, CARNIVAL FOLK
KNOW HOW TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.
170
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:34,307
SO WE STAYED FOR HOURS.
171
00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:40,413
RINGER!
SCORE ONE FOR THE FREAKS!
172
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:43,316
NICE.
WE'RE GOIN' AGAIN,
RIGHT AFTER I GET ANOTHER BEER.
173
00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:47,921
MAN, THAT LITTLE FREAK
CAN RING TOSS.
174
00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:50,357
RANDY, DON'T CALL HIM
A FREAK.
BUT HE CALLED HIMSELF THAT.
175
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:53,927
YEAH, BUT THAT'S LIKE BLACK GUYS
CALLIN' EACH OTHER--
YOU KNOW.
176
00:09:53,994 --> 00:09:57,631
BROTHER MAN?
LOOK, JUST DON'T CALL
THESE GUYS FREAKS.
177
00:09:57,698 --> 00:10:00,934
WHO WANTS TO GO TO SHADY POND
AND SKIP SOME ROCKS?
178
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:04,137
- I DO!
- I'LL DRIVE US.
179
00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:06,606
I'M IN, BUT SOMEBODY'S GOTTA
THROW MY ROCKS FOR ME.
180
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:16,249
EARL, YOU NEED TO TURN
THE CAR AROUND. THIS ISN'T
THE WAY TO SHADY POND.
181
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:19,119
I'M TAKING US
TO ICE CREAM FIRST.
MY TREAT.
182
00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:21,521
I KNOW THE BEST PLACE
JUST A COUPLE TOWNS OVER.
NO, NO, NO!
183
00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:25,826
NO, NO. I'M NOT GOING.
MM-MMM.
184
00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:43,410
WHAT'S GOIN' ON?
WHY DID EVERYBODY RUN?
185
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,746
SHADY GROVE'S OUR SAFE PLACE.
186
00:10:45,813 --> 00:10:47,748
IF WE LEAVE HERE,
PEOPLE GAWK AT US.
187
00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:50,383
IT'S LIKE WE'RE
A TRAVELING FREAK SHOW.
188
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:56,523
BUT YOU ARE
A TRAVELIN' FREAK SHOW.
189
00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:59,492
LOOK, WE KNOW WE'RE DIFFERENT.
THAT'S WHY WE JOINED
THE CARNIVAL.
190
00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:03,230
PEOPLE COMING INTO A TENT AND
STARING AT US IS THE ONLY WAY
WE CAN MAKE A LIVING.
191
00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:06,867
BUT WHEN WE'RE NOT WORKING,
WE DON'T WANT TO BE FREAKS.
192
00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:08,936
WE DON'T WANNA BE IN A SHOW.
193
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:11,038
THAT'S WHY WE ALL LIVE
IN SHADY GROVE,
194
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:13,807
'CAUSE IT'S THE ONLY PLACE
WE FEEL NORMAL.
195
00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:17,110
BUT IT WAS JUST
A TRIP FOR ICE CREAM.
SOFT SERVE.
196
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:21,214
IT COMES OUT OF THE MACHINE IN
A STAR SHAPE, KIND OF LIKE ONE
OF THEM PLAY-DOH MACHINES,
197
00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:24,117
EXCEPT YOU CAN'T PLAY WITH IT
'CAUSE IT'LL MELT
IN YOUR HANDS TOO FAST.
198
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:27,420
WE'RE STILL GONNA GO, RIGHT?
I DON'T EXPECT
YOU GUYS TO UNDERSTAND.
199
00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:29,456
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO HAVE STRANGERS...
200
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:32,425
POINTING AND LAUGHING AT YOU
BECAUSE OF THE WAY
THAT YOU LOOK.
201
00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:35,628
YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND A FREAK
UNTIL YOU'VE BEEN TREATED
LIKE A FREAK.
202
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:39,332
[ Earl Narrating ]
SOMETHIN' ABOUT WHAT MAGGIE SAID
MADE THE WEIRDEST THING HAPPEN.
203
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:42,235
MY BRAIN REMINDED ME
OF SOMETHIN' I HADN'T
THOUGHT OF IN YEARS.
204
00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:53,146
HEY, HICKEY, COME ON.
TAKE OFF THAT SHIRT.
POOL RULES.
205
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:56,817
IF I WANNA SEE A HICKEY
IN A WET T-SHIRT, I'LL CALL
YOUR MOTHER, ALL RIGHT?
206
00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:58,886
COACH LOU,
WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.
207
00:11:58,952 --> 00:12:01,922
- MY PROBLEM?
- TAKE OFF THE SHIRT OR
COME BACK DOWN THE LADDER.
208
00:12:01,989 --> 00:12:03,791
LET'S GO.
COME ON, BUDDY.
209
00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:19,940
[ Children Laughing ]
210
00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:36,489
ALL THE KIDS CALLED ME
"RASTA NIPPLES."
ARE THEY STILL THAT HAIRY?
211
00:12:36,556 --> 00:12:39,626
YEAH, BUT THE REST OF MY CHEST
HAS KINDA CAUGHT UP WITH THEM.
212
00:12:39,692 --> 00:12:41,461
LOOKS LIKE THE FLOOR
OF A BARBER SHOP.
213
00:12:41,528 --> 00:12:43,596
I STILL DON'T LIKE TAKIN'
MY SHIRT OFF IN PUBLIC.
214
00:12:43,663 --> 00:12:46,533
SO YOU NEVER JUMPED OFF
THE HIGH DIVE
LIKE YOU WANTED TO?
215
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,235
NOPE.
216
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:51,171
DID YOU EVER CONFRONT THE PEOPLE
WHO HURT YOUR FEELINGS?
217
00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:53,273
NO, BUT THAT'S--
SO WHAT DID YOU DO?
218
00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:55,976
YOU RAN AWAY AND HID.
219
00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:01,681
I THOUGHT THEY WERE CALLIN' YOU
"PASTA NIPPLES."
220
00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:05,218
I ALWAYS WONDERED
HOW THEY KNEW WHAT
YOUR NIPPLES TASTED LIKE.
221
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:07,254
[ Earl Narrating ]
WITHOUT A PUBLIC DEFENDER,
222
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,957
THE ONLY OTHER LAWYER
JOY COULD AFFORD WAS HERSELF.
223
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:12,259
HOW'S IT GOING, LAWYER LADY?
CRUDDY.
224
00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:14,394
I NEED THE DAMN
DUMMIES GUIDE
TO THE DUMMIES GUIDE.
225
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:17,064
I SWEAR, IT SEEMS LIKE
HALF THIS LEGAL STUFF
IS WRITTEN IN LATIN.
226
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,499
I CAN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND
THE DAMN CARTOONS.
227
00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:23,203
WELL, THIS CARTOON IS EASY.
OBVIOUSLY, THE CAMEL IS SUING
FOR INTENTIONAL TORT...
228
00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:25,805
BECAUSE THE TURTLE
HAD PRIOR KNOWLEDGE
THAT THE ROCK WAS SLIPPERY...
229
00:13:25,873 --> 00:13:28,575
AND WOULD CAUSE PHYSICAL INJURY
AS WELL AS DENY HIM
HIS LIBERTY...
230
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:31,344
TO CROSS THE STREAM,
THEREFORE LEAVING
THE TURTLE LIABLE.
231
00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:36,749
WRONG! IT'S A LLAMA,
NOT A CAMEL, STUPID.
232
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:41,288
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO GO KISS
THAT DEAF LADY'S ASS.
233
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:50,530
THAT'S DEFINITELY
A DROMEDARY CAMEL.
234
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:53,901
[ Earl Narrating ]
I WAS HAVIN' A HARD TIME DEALING
WITH WHAT MAGGIE HAD SAID.
235
00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:56,669
SO THE NEXT MORNING,
I WENT TO DO SOMETHIN' ABOUT IT.
236
00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:59,106
YOU'RE A JACKASS.
EXCUSE ME?
237
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:01,574
EARL HICKEY.
VERY HAIRY NIPPLES.
238
00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:05,578
LOOK AT THAT. HICKEY.
HOW ARE YOU, HICKEY?
239
00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:08,315
YOU KNOW, I COULD'VE
JUMPED OFF THAT HIGH DIVE
WITH MY SHIRT ON,
240
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:10,817
BUT YOU MADE ME
STAND UP THERE LIKE A FREAK
WHILE EVERYBODY LAUGHED.
241
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:14,754
IT WAS MEAN.
BECAUSE OF YOU,
I NEVER GOT TO EXPERIENCE...
242
00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:18,658
THE THRILL OF FLYIN'
THROUGH THE AIR INTO A POOL
OF WATER ON A HOT SUMMER DAY.
243
00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:22,195
OW!
OW, OW, OW, OW, OW, OW!
244
00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:26,033
WHAT, YOU THINK I'M SOME KIND OF
MEATHEAD TEACHER WHO GETS HIS
KICKS PICKIN' ON LITTLE KIDS?
245
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:28,235
I WAS UNDER
THAT IMPRESSION, YEAH.
YEAH? YEAH?
246
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:31,704
DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT
MAYBE I WAS MAKING YOU TAKE YOUR
SHIRT OFF FOR YOUR OWN GOOD?
247
00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:33,873
PLEASE LET MY EAR GO!
[ Groaning ]
248
00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:36,409
OF COURSE THE KIDS WERE GONNA
LAUGH AT YOU, HICKEY.
YOU HAD HAIRY NIPPLES.
249
00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:39,312
BUT SO WHAT?
LISTEN.
250
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:41,614
NEVER LET OTHER PEOPLE KEEP YOU
FROM LIVING YOUR LIFE, HICKEY.
251
00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:45,818
AND NEVER POKE
A GYM TEACHER IN HIS CHEST
IN FRONT OF HIS CLASS.
252
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:50,257
HUH? I SEE YOU
PEEIN' IN THERE, INCHWORM!
PINCH IT OFF!
253
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:52,659
[ Earl Narrating ]
COACH LOU WAS RIGHT
TO ALMOST PULL OFF MY EAR.
254
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:56,029
I SHOULDN'T HAVE POKED HIM.
AND HE WAS RIGHT
ABOUT MY NIPPLES TOO.
255
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:58,765
LAYIN' THERE, I DECIDED
WHAT I NEEDED TO DO NEXT.
256
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:02,269
SO I REALIZED
I LET BEIN' CALLED A FREAK
RUIN SOMETHIN' FUN FOR ME,
257
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:04,804
AND I DECIDED I'M NOT GONNA
LET THAT HAPPEN AGAIN.
258
00:15:04,871 --> 00:15:08,875
SO FIRST THING TOMORROW MORNING,
I'M GONNA GO BACK DOWN
TO THAT SWIMMIN' POOL...
259
00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:11,444
AND I'M GONNA
JUMP OFF THAT HIGH DIVE
SHIRTLESS AND HAIRY.
260
00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:14,114
AND I WANT YOU TO ALL COME TOO.
WHO'S WITH ME?
261
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,323
COME ON, GUYS.
YOU CAN DO THIS.
262
00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:24,924
NO, EARL, I'M SORRY.
TOGETHER, WE'LL BREAK FREE...
263
00:15:24,992 --> 00:15:28,295
FROM THE JUDGING STARES
OF THE WORLD
AND LIVE THE LIVES WE WANT TO.
264
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:31,931
WILLIAM. JEAN.
COME-- TOMMY.
265
00:15:31,999 --> 00:15:34,467
DUDE, YOU'VE GOT A HAIRY CHEST.
266
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:38,305
I'VE GOT HANDS
LIKE A FREAKIN' LOBSTER.
IT'S NOT THE SAME.
267
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,410
MAGGIE?
268
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:52,185
[ Sighs ]
269
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,724
HELLO?
CAN I COME INSIDE?
270
00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:02,996
HEY.
271
00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:08,435
UM, WHERE IS THE MAN
WHO HEARS FOR YOU?
272
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:15,075
THAT'S OKAY.
I BROUGHT YOU SOMETHIN'
YOU CAN READ ANYWAY.
273
00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:17,677
THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY
FOR THE HEARING IMPAIRED,
274
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:22,249
SO I GOT YOU
A BLIND PEOPLE CARD
WITH ALL THE BUMPS ON IT.
275
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:24,984
LISTEN, I CAN UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU'D BE MAD AT ME.
276
00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:28,421
I MEAN, IT WAS WRONG OF ME
TO THINK YOU'D BE STUPID
JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAF.
277
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:31,191
BUT IN MY DEFENSE,
THE ONLY OTHER DEAF PERSON
I'VE KNOWN WAS STUPID.
278
00:16:31,258 --> 00:16:33,226
ACTUALLY, I THINK HE MIGHT'VE
BEEN BRAIN-DAMAGED...
279
00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:35,162
AND MAYBE HE REALLY COULD HEAR,
BUT HE WAS MISSING AN EAR.
280
00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:37,297
ANYWAY, THE POINT IS,
I'M SORRY I WAS UNFAIR.
281
00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:39,966
I MEAN, I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO BE PREJUDICED AGAINST.
282
00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:43,170
AFTER ALL,
MY HUSBAND IS BLACK.
283
00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:52,645
MRS. WHITLOW.
LOOK, I CAN'T GO TO JAIL.
PLEASE. I'M A MOTHER.
284
00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:56,616
AND I KNOW I MIGHT NOT BE
THE BEST MOTHER THERE EVER WAS,
BUT I LOVE MY KIDS.
285
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:59,319
AND IF I GET LOCKED UP,
WHO'S GONNA
TUCK THEM IN AT NIGHT...
286
00:16:59,386 --> 00:17:01,221
AND RUB THEIR BELLIES
WHEN THEY HAVE TUMMY ACHES...
287
00:17:01,288 --> 00:17:04,257
AND KISS THEIR LITTLE BOO-BOOS
TILL THEY SMILE?
288
00:17:04,324 --> 00:17:06,793
AND IF YOU TAKE MY CASE,
I PROMISE THAT
I WILL GIVE YOU...
289
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:11,030
THE RESPECT AND DIGNITY
THAT YOU SO CLEARLY DESERVE.
290
00:17:11,098 --> 00:17:13,466
PLEASE HELP ME.
291
00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:18,438
OKAY, JOY.
I'LL REPRESENT YOU.
292
00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:21,508
[ Snickering ]
293
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,778
I'M SORRY.
294
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:29,082
IT'S JUST IF YOU COULD HEAR
THE WAY YOU SOUND.
295
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:31,050
IT'S COOL, THOUGH.
296
00:17:31,118 --> 00:17:33,786
IT'S COOL.
I'M FINE.
297
00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:36,289
[ Earl Narrating ]
THE NEXT MORNING,
I WENT DOWN TO THE POOL.
298
00:17:36,356 --> 00:17:38,425
I WAS BUMMED
NO ONE WANTED TO COME WITH ME,
299
00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:40,560
BUT I STILL WANTED
TO PROVE SOMETHIN' TO MYSELF.
300
00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:43,863
AND, BESIDES,
ALL I NEEDED WAS ME,
MY TWO HAIRY NIPPLES...
301
00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:47,167
AND A DIVING BOARD.
302
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:07,787
BUT WANTIN' TO DO SOMETHIN'
AND ACTUALLY DOIN' IT
ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS.
303
00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:15,195
- WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOIN' HERE?
- WE THOUGHT ABOUT
WHAT YOU SAID, EARL.
304
00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:18,798
YOU'RE RIGHT.
WE CAME HERE TO LIVE OUR LIVES
AND TO WATCH YOU LIVE YOURS.
305
00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:26,139
[ Earl Narrating ]
I HAD NEVER FELT
MORE BRAVE IN ALL MY LIFE.
306
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:31,010
* WELL, IF YOU WANT TO SING OUT
SING OUT *
307
00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:34,247
[ Earl Narrating ]
AND I'M PRETTY SURE
THEY HADN'T EITHER.
308
00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:37,016
* 'CAUSE THERE'S
A MILLION THINGS TO BE *
309
00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:39,452
* YOU KNOW THAT THERE ARE *
310
00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:45,225
* AND IF YOU WANT TO LIVE HIGH
LIVE HIGH *
311
00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:48,761
* AND IF YOU WANT TO LIVE LOW
LIVE LOW *
312
00:18:48,828 --> 00:18:51,364
* 'CAUSE THERE'S
A MILLION WAYS TO GO *
313
00:18:51,431 --> 00:18:53,500
* YOU KNOW THAT THERE ARE *
314
00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:59,972
* YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT *
315
00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:03,876
* THE OPPORTUNITIES ARE *
316
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:06,012
[ Earl Narrating ]
AND THEIR BRAVERY
DIDN'T STOP AT THE POOL.
317
00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:08,815
THEY SET OUT
TO FOLLOW THEIR DREAMS.
318
00:19:08,881 --> 00:19:11,618
KEVIN GOT A JOB AS A MECHANIC.
** [ Continues ]
319
00:19:13,553 --> 00:19:15,922
PAUL BECAME A STOCK TRADER.
320
00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:23,363
JEAN USED HER NATURAL GIFT
FOR MASSAGE TO GET
HER CHIROPRACTOR'S LICENSE.
321
00:19:23,430 --> 00:19:27,367
* AH, YOU WON'T NEED ME *
322
00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:29,669
WILLIAM WORKED AS A CHEF.
323
00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:36,876
MAGGIE TOOK HER LOVE
FOR FIXIN' UP HOUSES AND BECAME
A VERY SUCCESSFUL HOUSE SELLER.
324
00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:43,450
AND IT TURNED OUT
ALL TOMMY EVER WANTED
WAS TO BE A KID.
325
00:19:45,084 --> 00:19:47,019
[ Bell Dinging ]
326
00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:50,457
THAT YEAR, THE WITZEL
TRAVELING CARNIVAL HAD
ITS RIDES AND ITS FUN FOODS,
327
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:54,060
BUT BECAUSE OF ME,
THERE WAS SOMETHIN' MISSING--
328
00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:56,263
THE SIDESHOW.
329
00:19:57,464 --> 00:19:59,732
AND I FELT GOOD ABOUT THAT.
330
00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:06,739
TO EARL!
331
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:12,845
[ Synthesized Voice ]
WHAT A BUNCH OF FREAKS.
332
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:21,621
HEY, EARL.
YEAH, RANDY?
333
00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:24,657
YOU THINK
I COULD GROW A BEARD
AS NICE AS MAGGIE'S?
334
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:27,427
MAYBE, IF YOU'RE WILLIN'
TO PUT IN THE TIME.
335
00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:29,796
OH, I'D PUT THE TIME IN.
I'D TRY REAL HARD.
336
00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:33,633
IF I DO GROW A NICE BEARD,
YOU THINK THEY'D LET ME BE
IN THE CARNIVAL?
337
00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:38,338
NAH.
THERE'S NOTHIN' THAT SPECIAL
ABOUT A BEARDED MAN.
338
00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:41,040
UNLESS YOU LIT IT
ON FIRE OR SOMETHIN'.
339
00:20:41,107 --> 00:20:43,710
BUT THEN YOU'D HAVE
TO WAIT FOR IT
TO GROW BACK BETWEEN SHOWS,
340
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:46,646
SO THEY PROBABLY WOULDN'T
PAY YOU TOO MUCH.
341
00:20:46,713 --> 00:20:49,416
THEY'D PROBABLY JUST GIVE YOU,
LIKE, FREE SNOW CONES,
342
00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:51,684
OR UNLIMITED
FERRIS RIDES OR SOMETHIN'.
343
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:54,921
LIGHTIN' MY FACE ON FIRE?
SCREW THAT.
344
00:20:54,987 --> 00:20:57,156
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I THINK.
345
00:20:57,223 --> 00:20:59,326
GOOD NIGHT, EARL.
346
00:20:59,392 --> 00:21:01,461
GOOD NIGHT, RANDY.
29640
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