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1
00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:03,771
You know the kind of guy
who does nothing
but bad things...
2
00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:06,707
and then wonders why
his life sucks?
3
00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:11,145
Well, that was me.
Every time somethin' good
happened to me,
4
00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:13,281
somethin' bad
was always waitin'
around the corner.
5
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,085
Karma.
6
00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:19,220
That's when I realized
I had to change.
7
00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:23,391
So I made a list
of everything bad
I've ever done,
8
00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:26,394
and, one by one,
I'm gonna make up
for all my mistakes.
9
00:00:26,427 --> 00:00:28,362
I'm just tryin'
to be a better person.
10
00:00:28,396 --> 00:00:32,233
My name is Earl.
11
00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:35,336
[ Earl Narrating ] Joy and
Darnell had recently learned
a few tips on how to fight...
12
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,471
while watchin' Dr. Phil
on TV.
13
00:00:37,505 --> 00:00:42,576
You are making me feel
very angry because my needs
aren't bein' met.
14
00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:47,248
And you are making me feel
angry because your needs
don't make sense.
15
00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:50,118
[ Earl Narrating ]
Unfortunately, one episode
of Dr. Phil...
16
00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:52,720
couldn't undo years of
watchin' Springer.
17
00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:55,623
Don't be a dummy, damn it!
Just do what I tell you to!
18
00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:59,093
Throw me a surprise party
for my birthday next month.
But you won't be surprised.
19
00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:02,296
I can act surprised.
Look.
20
00:01:02,330 --> 00:01:05,533
[ Earl Narrating ]
Not only was the two of them
arguing fun to watch,
21
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:08,369
but it also gave me a chance
to do number 183 on my list--
22
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:11,439
never took Joy's side.
23
00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:13,641
When we were married,
I wasn't very good...
24
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:15,609
at backing up my wife
in arguments with strangers.
25
00:01:15,643 --> 00:01:17,578
Twelve ball, side pocket.
26
00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:23,817
Okay, do it again,
and I'm gonna pop those booby
implants of yours...
27
00:01:23,851 --> 00:01:26,520
and make you fly around this bar
like a loose balloon.
28
00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:29,157
It was an accident, Joy.
29
00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:31,425
And I think they're real.
30
00:01:31,459 --> 00:01:34,228
Oh, so you're on her side?
31
00:01:34,262 --> 00:01:37,631
[ Narrating ] And I definitely
didn't take her side when it
came to arguments with family.
32
00:01:40,368 --> 00:01:43,204
Oh, I know you did not
just monkey-grab a chip
out of that bowl.
33
00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:47,575
That actually takes quite
a bit of skill, Joy.
Try to dip one in the salsa.
34
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:50,378
Oh, so you're on his side?
35
00:01:50,411 --> 00:01:52,646
[ Earl Narrating ]
I didn't even take her side
in arguments with things...
36
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,682
that couldn't argue back.
37
00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:56,784
Dang it!
Got crab juice in my eye.
38
00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:59,453
That's 'cause you cracked it
the wrong way. You should
always crack away from you.
39
00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:01,789
Oh, so you're on
the crab's side now?
40
00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:04,325
[ Earl Narrating ]
I was. And it was time
to make up for it.
41
00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:06,727
I've been waitin' my whole life
for somebody to throw me
a surprise party.
42
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:09,597
I'm sick of waitin'.
This year I want one.
43
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:12,333
She's got a good point,
Darnell.
You hear that?
44
00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:14,335
And that's comin' from
the husband I left.
45
00:02:14,368 --> 00:02:16,870
You can only imagine what kind
of thin ice you're on.
46
00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:19,340
Fine. I'll throw you
a surprise party
for your birthday.
47
00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:23,211
[ Cell Phone Rings ]
Gotta take that.
48
00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:26,814
It's about damn time
you called me back.
I am in a bind here.
49
00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:29,683
[ Earl Narrating ]
The bind she was talkin'
about was complicated.
50
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:32,186
It started 'cause Joy was
obsessed with some TV show...
51
00:02:32,220 --> 00:02:34,388
called
Britney and Kevin: Chaotic.
52
00:02:34,422 --> 00:02:37,291
I swear, those two are
like American royalty.
53
00:02:37,325 --> 00:02:39,460
Oh, snap!
54
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:42,596
Look at that big-ass
TV disappear into that
entertainment center.
55
00:02:42,630 --> 00:02:44,932
I want a disappearin' TV.
Yeah.
56
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:49,537
With a bottle of Cristal
sittin' on top.
That's how the Federlines roll.
57
00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:54,708
We're gonna get us one of those
disappearin' TV furniture
things. I mean it. I want it.
58
00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:57,611
[ Earl Narrating ]
So about a week ago, Joy
finally saved up enough money...
59
00:02:57,645 --> 00:02:59,813
to get that disappearin' TV.
60
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:02,650
But unfortunately,
she ran into a big problem.
61
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:05,353
[ Grunting ]
62
00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:08,822
I got an idea.
63
00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:11,659
Come on. You got it.
Push.
64
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,561
Come on.
It's almost in there.
65
00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:15,896
Push.
66
00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:18,699
I got an idea.
67
00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:21,669
Damn it! How did
Britney and Kevin do it?
68
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:24,438
[ Grunting ]
69
00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:29,543
[ Earl Narrating ]
When Joy went to return it, she
ran into yet another problem.
70
00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:31,845
- You can't return this.
- What?
71
00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:34,648
- The receipt has gum in it.
- I know. It's Fruit Stripe.
Just pull it off.
72
00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:37,285
I'm sure you can still see
the disappearin' TV furniture
thing on there.
73
00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:39,553
The gum took off half
the item number.
74
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:42,423
Sorry. The system
won't take it back
without an item number.
75
00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:45,526
What? Uh-uh.
Oh, hell, no.
76
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:48,562
[ Earl Narrating ]
After 45 minutes of arguin'
and throwin' a shoe,
77
00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:52,866
Joy realized she was
just gonna have to make
the best of her situation.
78
00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:58,038
[ TV Turns On ]
79
00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:01,742
So much glare out here, I can't
tell if that's the white lady
judge or the black lady judge.
80
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:09,583
Hey, get out of
my damn livin' room!
[ Thunderclap ]
81
00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:13,321
Oh, God, please, no.
82
00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:18,626
I need a third umbrella!
Maybe we should unplug
the cord before--
83
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:21,762
Son of a bitch.
84
00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:28,302
Okay, I'm leavin' it here.
It's yours.
I have returned it.
85
00:04:28,336 --> 00:04:30,571
And somehow or another,
I'm gonna get
my $3,000 back.
86
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,306
- No, you won't.
- Yes, I will.
87
00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:35,876
- No. You won't.
- Yes, I will.
88
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:37,878
** [ Rock ]
89
00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:46,487
[ Man ]
* Ooh-hoo
90
00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:55,496
* Billy Joe shot a man
while robbin' his castle *
91
00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:57,565
Cha-ching!
92
00:04:57,598 --> 00:04:59,833
* Ooh-hoo
93
00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:04,438
* Go on
Take the money and run *
94
00:05:04,472 --> 00:05:08,108
* Go on
Take the money and run *
95
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,544
* Ooh-hoo
96
00:05:10,578 --> 00:05:13,581
I got my $3,000!
[ Laughing ]
97
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:17,885
* Go on
Take the money and run *
98
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:21,855
[ Earl Narrating ]
Joy stashed the truck
in the woods until today,
99
00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:24,958
when she finally got a call
from the one guy in Camden
County who would buy anything.
100
00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:27,895
- It's too risky.
- Too risky?
101
00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:30,431
You sold a damn
Iranian baby.
102
00:05:30,464 --> 00:05:34,502
Yeah, but it didn't have
"Iranian Baby" painted on
the side of it in big letters.
103
00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:36,937
Like they're not
gonna know he's Iranian
once he's old enough to talk.
104
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:41,041
Look, this is a great deal.
All I want is the $3,000
that they owe me.
105
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:43,777
Whatever.
I don't buy stolen trucks
from amateurs.
106
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:46,580
- Why not?
- Same reason I don't let
amateurs cut my hair.
107
00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:48,582
They make mistakes.
108
00:05:48,616 --> 00:05:51,385
It was not mistake.
109
00:05:51,419 --> 00:05:53,086
Yeah, well, you better pray
I find that earlobe.
110
00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:58,559
He won't find.
111
00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:01,595
Jasper is too much sissy
to be real criminal.
112
00:06:01,629 --> 00:06:05,399
This is why we live
in cement closet.
Bring me to this truck.
113
00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:08,536
I will buy with my own money
I steal from Jasper.
114
00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:10,638
I like you.
If I could ever get used...
115
00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:13,841
to staring at that thing on
your face, we could hang out.
116
00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:19,647
This is no truck.
This is giant camper.
117
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,583
Something is fishes.
You are police.
I know it.
118
00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:25,052
Oh, calm down.
I just gotta pick up
the truck keys.
119
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:28,756
So jumpy
all of a sudden.
I just don't like surprises.
120
00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:32,760
[ All ]
Surprise!
121
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,931
[ Panting ]
122
00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:41,569
- What the hell are you doing?
- Throwing you a surprise
birthday party.
123
00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:44,472
- My birthday is not
until next month.
- That's the surprise part.
124
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,707
- Idiot.
- It was Earl's idea.
125
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,509
Y'all are all idiots!
126
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,418
I think you should go
talk to her.
Dumb dummies!
127
00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:02,089
Yeah,
that's not gonna happen.
128
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:08,896
That lady dropped her purse,
and some stuff rolled out.
129
00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:13,634
Cool.
It's an earlobe.
130
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:17,471
So you planned all this
because of some list thing?
131
00:07:17,505 --> 00:07:20,741
Number 183--
never took Joy's side.
Now, come back in.
132
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:23,611
We got a whole piñata full of
cigarettes for you to swing at.
133
00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:26,213
- I don't feel like it.
- Why? You're the one
that wanted a party.
134
00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:28,716
Not when it's
gonna cost me $3,000.
135
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:41,161
[ Balloon Squeaking ]
136
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:47,868
[ High-pitched ]
* We represent
the Lollipop Guild *
137
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:50,938
* The Lollipop Guild
The Lollipop Guild *
138
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:54,274
Randy, those aren't
helium balloons.
139
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,810
[ Normal Voice ]
Oh, too bad.
[ Balloon Squeaking ]
140
00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:05,252
- You stole a truck?
- Because they wouldn't
give me my money back.
141
00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:08,121
It was a crime of principle,
like when Rosa Parks
stole that bus.
142
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:10,624
- They wouldn't even
give you store credit?
- No.
143
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:13,827
- That doesn't seem fair.
- Thank you.
144
00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:16,129
Which is why you have to
help me sell the truck.
145
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:18,899
Sell the truck?
Joy, that's against the law.
146
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:21,268
Earl, this is not about the law.
It's about right and wrong.
147
00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:24,738
Isn't that what your list
is about? Rightin' wrongs?
Do unto others?
148
00:08:24,772 --> 00:08:27,074
All that Robin Hood,
Batman, Jesus stuff?
149
00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:30,711
Well, you got a good point.
The store did do you wrong.
150
00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:35,649
I don't know if Jesus or Batman
would sell the truck,
but Robin Hood might.
151
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:38,652
Okay, I'll do it.
152
00:08:38,686 --> 00:08:41,188
But you're not gettin'
a penny more than $3,000.
153
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:43,624
Of course not.
That would be wrong.
154
00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:46,159
[ Earl Narrating ]
The first thing you have to do
with a stolen truck...
155
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:49,096
is make sure it can't
get traced back to its owner.
156
00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:51,799
Randy was especially excited
about this.
157
00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:54,334
Somethin' about the combination
of fumes and bright colors...
158
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:57,838
made Randy love to spray paint.
159
00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:00,107
In fact, he made
a name for himself...
160
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:03,243
as one of Camden County's
most gifted graffiti artists.
161
00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:08,716
It's perfect, Earl.
Yeah, it really is.
162
00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:10,818
I just don't know
if it's a good idea...
163
00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:13,086
to paint your name in
six-foot letters on the side
of a stolen truck.
164
00:09:15,823 --> 00:09:18,325
I'm gonna go into town and
get some more white paint
to cover up my name.
165
00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:20,861
Good idea.
166
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:23,631
If the cops come while I'm gone,
tip it on its side.
167
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:31,839
That's pretty. I'd probably
read more often if people
wrote like that all the time.
168
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:34,041
What's in there, anyway?
I don't know.
169
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:36,810
You haven't even looked yet?
No.
170
00:09:36,844 --> 00:09:39,246
I just want my three grand.
I don't really care
what's back there.
171
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:41,214
But there could be
$3,000 worth of stuff in here--
172
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,784
TVs, stereos, nunchakus.
173
00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:47,054
Be a lot easier to sell that
stuff than this stolen truck.
174
00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:52,392
Oh.
175
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:55,162
Wait!
176
00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:58,265
[ Man ]
Ow!
177
00:09:58,298 --> 00:10:00,801
[ Screams ]
178
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:06,640
There's a man in there, Joy!
There's a man in the truck.
179
00:10:06,674 --> 00:10:09,242
I know.
A hairy one.
180
00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:18,018
Why is there a man
in the truck, Joy?
I don't know!
181
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:19,953
Maybe he was in there
when you stole it.
182
00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:23,056
Do I look stupid enough
to steal a truck with a man
in the back of it?
183
00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:25,192
[ Earl Narrating ]
Turns out Joy was that stupid.
184
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:30,363
Some poor guy was unloadin'
boxes when Joy decided to
get her revenge on the store.
185
00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:32,733
After she ran off,
he tried to get out,
but the door was locked.
186
00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:37,270
Okay, you got me.
187
00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:40,908
Let's get back to work now.
Eric!
188
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:47,214
Help!
189
00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:51,118
[ Earl Narrating ] Luckily,
this truck was from a store that
sold a little bit of everything.
190
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:55,255
So he had plenty to eat and
plenty to keep him entertained.
191
00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:02,863
Yes! Nice.
192
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:13,707
Help! Anybody?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
193
00:11:13,741 --> 00:11:17,377
Why did I help you?
Why? Why? Why?
194
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:20,313
All right, all right. Look.
We'll leave him in
the back of the truck.
195
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:23,216
We'll make an anonymous call
so they know where to find him.
196
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:26,053
I am not leavin' this truck.
I still need to sell it.
197
00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:28,822
With a man locked in the back?
Don't you think that's
gonna be problem?
198
00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:31,859
- For the person who buys it.
- We're not sellin' a truck
with a man in the back!
199
00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:34,194
Look, if we let him out, he's
gonna see what we look like.
200
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,931
Maybe not.
201
00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:40,801
[ Earl Narrating ]
We finally figured out a way
to release the guy Joy stole.
202
00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:42,970
We just had to
stay out of sight.
203
00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:45,238
[ British Accent ]
All right, love, I want you
to listen to me carefully...
204
00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:47,808
and do everything I say,
and everything'll be okay.
205
00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:51,111
Why are you talking funny?
'Cause I don't want him
to identify my voice.
206
00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:54,281
Yeah, but it sounds weird.
It's British.
That's how they sound.
207
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:57,150
British people don't steal
trucks. They drink tea
and live in castles.
208
00:11:57,184 --> 00:12:00,320
You still out there?
[ British Accent ]
Uh, I-- I'm here, ma'am.
209
00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:02,956
Uh, here's what
I want you to do.
210
00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:05,793
I want you to take off
your shirt and use it
as a blindfold.
211
00:12:05,826 --> 00:12:07,928
You sound like a gay
Kermit the Frog.
212
00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:10,898
Okay! Blindfold's on!
213
00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:14,134
Right, then.
Now, when the back door opens,
I want you to start running,
214
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:16,269
and don't look back
or I'll shoot you.
215
00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:21,241
And by the way,
what you call soccer,
we call football.
216
00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:28,215
See?
This worked out okay.
217
00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:31,484
[ Grunts ]
218
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:39,526
Crap, crap, crap! Why me?
Why do bad things always happen
to good people?
219
00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:42,796
Seems like most of the
bad things are happening
to this guy.
220
00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:45,498
Let's just get out of here
before he wakes up.
We can't go, Joy.
221
00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:47,835
What if a wild animal comes
along and mauls him
while he's out?
222
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:50,003
Just pee a circle around him.
That'll keep the animals away.
223
00:12:50,037 --> 00:12:53,173
I'm not gonna pee a circle
around him. What if
he wakes up and sees me?
224
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:56,409
So I gotta do everything?
Look, we're not leavin' him.
225
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,812
Help me get him
in the back of the truck.
We gotta get him to a hospital.
226
00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:01,414
We'll get caught.
No, we won't.
227
00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:06,019
We'll drop him off and
drive away like people do
with babies and grandparents.
228
00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:13,226
So me and Joy put the passed-out
guy in the back of the truck
and headed to the hospital.
229
00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:20,868
You like my earrings?
230
00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:23,536
Yeah, I do like those earrings.
I was about to say
something earlier,
231
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:26,239
but then I got distracted
by the hostage and all.
232
00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:30,243
Where'd you get 'em?
Flea market. You know the guy
who sells the tube socks?
233
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:34,147
The guy with the regular
tube socks or the guy
with the irregular tube socks?
234
00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:37,084
Irregular. Guy with regular
went out of business.
Good. He was a jerk.
235
00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:39,452
Thought his socks made
the world go around.
236
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:42,355
Yeah. Anyway,
I got the earrings from
irregular tube sock's wife.
237
00:13:42,389 --> 00:13:44,391
- They're nice.
- Thanks.
238
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:49,262
- One's bigger than the other.
- Yeah, I wasn't gonna
say anything.
239
00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:53,366
Look, Earl, I know this
hasn't been a great day,
240
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:56,569
but I really appreciate you
helpin' me out.
241
00:13:56,603 --> 00:13:59,572
Who knows?
Maybe one day we'll look back
on this as an adventure.
242
00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:02,409
Yeah, maybe so.
243
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:04,477
[ Engine Chugging ]
244
00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:06,546
Outta gas?
245
00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:11,051
Yep.
246
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:18,191
The plan was for me to walk to
a gas station while Joy stayed
behind to guard the truck.
247
00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:20,327
Hey, bring me
somethin'.
What?
248
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,362
I don't know.
Somethin' fun.
249
00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:25,265
Surprise me.
But with chocolate and peanuts.
250
00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:28,468
- Snickers?
- Damn it, Earl,
I said surprise me!
251
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:33,640
[ Earl Narrating ]
So I headed off.
252
00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:36,143
** [ Rock ]
253
00:14:36,176 --> 00:14:41,481
[ Man ]
* I got to run
to keep from hiding *
254
00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:46,053
* And I'm bound
to keep on riding *
255
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:48,055
[ Earl Narrating ]
It was four miles of walking,
256
00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:53,426
but I got the gas and
made it back to the truck.
257
00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:56,163
* But I'm not gonna
let 'em catch me, no *
258
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:58,531
* Not gonna let 'em
catch the midnight rider *
259
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:02,302
Hey, Earl.
How'd you know
where to find us?
260
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:05,538
I went back to the woods
and the truck was gone, but
I found the note you left.
261
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:07,975
I didn't leave a note.
I know, Earl.
262
00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:10,477
I was being sarcastic.
You should've left a note.
263
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:13,446
You don't have to add it
to your list or anything,
but it would've been nice.
264
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:16,083
I'm sorry, Randy.
Where's Joy?
265
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,918
I don't know.
I figured she was with you.
266
00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:22,455
Come here! Come here!
267
00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:29,662
[ Grunts ]
268
00:15:29,696 --> 00:15:31,631
There she is.
269
00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:43,510
- What the hell happened?
- Well--
270
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:46,013
Apparently Joy was too hungry
to wait for me to get back,
271
00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:48,982
and she remembered
seein' snacks in the truck.
272
00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:51,951
[ British Accent ]
Yoo-hoo.
You still knocked out?
273
00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:56,123
Jolly good, then.
274
00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:24,484
Son of a bitch
Ferris Bueller'd me.
275
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:33,193
Hey, Earl, how come we got
a guy in his underpants?
276
00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:36,296
'Cause he was in the back
of the truck and was
accidentally kidnapped.
277
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,431
You know how Mom used
to say,
278
00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:41,434
"Always wear clean underwears,
'cause you never know
what's gonna happen?"
279
00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:43,536
I bet she was talkin'
about stuff like this.
280
00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:47,374
Probably. Randy, can you
put him in the truck?
281
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:58,385
What do you hate more,
flies or mosquitoes?
282
00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:02,289
Why?
Just making conversation.
Damn, never mind.
283
00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:04,791
Mosquitoes.
284
00:17:04,824 --> 00:17:07,127
Me too.
285
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,696
You know, they say mosquitoes
in Africa kill people.
286
00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:12,099
Can you imagine the size
those things gotta be?
287
00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:14,201
- Pretty big.
- [ Engine Starts ]
288
00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:21,708
- Randy, where's the guy?
- I put him in the truck,
like you said.
289
00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:24,544
I meant the back
of the truck!
290
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:38,191
Drive faster!
He's gettin' away.
This is great, Earl.
291
00:17:38,225 --> 00:17:40,193
You never drive this fast
when I ask you to.
292
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:43,230
Hey, ask him if we can have
bubble gum for dinner.
293
00:17:43,263 --> 00:17:45,465
Would you just hurry up?
We gotta catch him.
Relax.
294
00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:48,335
He'll run out of gas
sooner or later--
295
00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:51,271
Wait a minute. What are
we gonna do when we catch him?
He saw our face.
296
00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:53,806
- I think she has to kill him.
- She's not gonna
kill him, Randy.
297
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,876
You're not gonna
kill him, are you?
No, I'm not gonna kill him!
298
00:17:56,909 --> 00:18:00,247
You could cut out his tongue.
He couldn't tell anyone what you
looked like with no tongue.
299
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,549
Oh, wait, he could still
draw you. Unless you cut
off his fingers too.
300
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,751
- Randy--
- Hey, at least he's thinkin'.
301
00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:07,287
- It's not his fault
he's bad at it.
- I got it.
302
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:10,323
-You could stab him in the eyes.
-We're not stabbin' him
in the eyes.
303
00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,359
I just gotta make sure
he doesn't squeal on me.
304
00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:14,561
So we'll just snatch him up
and put him in a little cage
in the trailer.
305
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:18,465
What?
Just until he becomes our
friend and promises not to tell.
306
00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:21,201
Joy, we're not puttin'
him in a cage.
307
00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:25,438
Well, what else should we do,
Negative Nancy? I don't hear
you givin' us any ideas.
308
00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:29,509
[ Earl Narrating ]
That's when I got the only
decent idea I had all day.
309
00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:33,613
This whole thing had gotten
so outta hand that there
was only one thing left to do.
310
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,485
[ Joy ]
What are you doin'?
Are we outta gas?
311
00:18:38,518 --> 00:18:41,354
It's over, Joy.
312
00:18:41,388 --> 00:18:44,691
What do you mean, "it's over"?
It's not over.
What are you talkin' about?
313
00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:49,229
What are you doin'?
You said you were on my side!
314
00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:51,831
[ Earl Narrating ]
Joy didn't realize it,
but I was on her side.
315
00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:54,534
She asked me for my help
sellin' a stolen truck,
316
00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:58,238
but that turned into
a kidnapping and assault.
317
00:18:58,271 --> 00:19:01,508
And my past experience
as a criminal told me
it was time to call it off.
318
00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:03,843
Besides, my guess was that
the guy was so scared...
319
00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:06,513
he probably didn't even
get a good look at Joy.
320
00:19:06,546 --> 00:19:09,282
Unfortunately,
my guess was wrong.
321
00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:11,684
[ Camera Shutter Clicks ]
She was charged
with grand theft auto,
322
00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:13,753
kidnapping and assault.
323
00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:15,855
Which would've been
my second guess.
324
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,633
Randy, do you think
it's my fault Joy went to jail?
325
00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:32,339
Randy?
326
00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:34,974
I'm tryin' to sleep, Earl.
Can't this wait till morning?
327
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:39,346
You woke me up last night
to ask if I thought monkeys
ever worried about their looks.
328
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:41,381
Oh, yeah. Sorry.
329
00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:45,285
Do you think they do?
330
00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:48,921
I already told you, if they
worried about their looks,
they'd wear pants.
331
00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:51,524
Yeah.
332
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:57,697
Night, Randy.
Good night, Earl.
27731
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