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1
00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:03,737
You know the kind of guy
who does nothing
but bad things...
2
00:00:03,771 --> 00:00:06,707
and then wonders why
his life sucks?
3
00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:11,145
Well, that was me.
Every time somethin' good
happened to me,
4
00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:13,281
somethin' bad
was always waitin'
around the corner.
5
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,085
Karma.
6
00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:19,220
That's when I realized
I had to change.
7
00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:23,391
So I made a list
of everything bad
I've ever done,
8
00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:26,394
and, one by one,
I'm gonna make up
for all my mistakes.
9
00:00:26,427 --> 00:00:28,362
I'm just tryin'
to be a better person.
10
00:00:28,396 --> 00:00:31,265
My name is Earl.
11
00:00:31,299 --> 00:00:33,267
[ Earl Narrating ]
Back in my criminal days,
12
00:00:33,301 --> 00:00:35,469
I used to steal loose change
out of cars.
13
00:00:35,503 --> 00:00:38,539
Since there's no way
to give the right change
back to the right people,
14
00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:41,775
I have to find other ways
to pay the world back.
15
00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:44,178
- Hey, Earl, wait up.
- Officer Ross.
16
00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:46,180
You, uh, dropped your gun.
17
00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:48,149
Oh.
18
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:52,320
[ Grunts ]
Cool.
19
00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:55,556
Thanks.
Uh, I'm gonna have to
give you a ticket...
20
00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:58,126
because it's illegal puttin'
money in other people's meters.
21
00:00:58,159 --> 00:01:01,195
Seriously? Why?
I don't know.
22
00:01:01,229 --> 00:01:03,164
Anyways, I'm gonna need
to see your license.
23
00:01:03,197 --> 00:01:05,299
My license?
24
00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:08,402
I don't have my license.
My ex-wife does and won't
give it back.
25
00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:10,538
- Why?
- Well, 'cause she's crazy...
26
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,606
and it gives her an excuse
to torture me.
27
00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:18,679
[ Camera Shutter Clicking ]
28
00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:29,257
You sure this
will help the guys
in the Gulf win the war?
29
00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:31,525
Once I go spread-eagle
Whitesnake-style on the hood,
it will.
30
00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:33,661
Those boys need to remember
what they're fightin' for.
31
00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:36,797
Hold on. I got an eye booger
the size of a walnut.
32
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,872
Oh, snap.
33
00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:47,741
Earl's driver's license.
[ Chuckles ]
34
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:50,311
Holdin' on to this
for a rainy day.
35
00:01:50,344 --> 00:01:53,281
Too bad it didn't
thunder when you said that.
That would have been cool.
36
00:01:53,314 --> 00:01:56,717
- Like you're a evil genius
or something.
- That would have been cool.
37
00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:02,456
I'm holdin' on to this
for a rainy day!
38
00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:09,830
I think you need
clouds for thunder.
39
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,932
[ Wings Flapping ]
40
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,935
[ Gasps ]
Look at that bird up there.
41
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:17,605
How the hell do they stay
up there like that?
42
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:20,941
Wait.
So what you're sayin' is,
is that you've been...
43
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:23,444
operatin' your motor vehicle
without a license.
44
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,579
Yeah, yeah.
That's what I'm sayin'.
45
00:02:25,613 --> 00:02:29,683
[ Earl Narrating ]
So instead of gettin'
one ticket, I got two.
46
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:33,721
I couldn't understand why karma
was punishing me for tryin'
to do somethin' good.
47
00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:35,689
And why was it makin' me
go see Joy?
48
00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:38,226
Joy, just give me
my license.
49
00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:41,195
Why?
What's in it for me?
50
00:02:41,229 --> 00:02:43,264
Well, you'd be
doin' a nice thing,
51
00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:45,566
which would get you
two steps closer to heaven.
52
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:49,370
And if I had to guess,
you're probably a few
steps closer to somewhere else.
53
00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:53,674
Look, Earl, I'd love to
give you your license back.
54
00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:57,878
But before I return it,
I'm gonna need to see some
form of identification.
55
00:03:00,348 --> 00:03:05,553
Some--
Some kind of picture I.D.
Perhaps a license.
56
00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:09,257
You know, Joy, technically,
that license is state property.
57
00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:11,559
It doesn't belong
to either one of you.
58
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:13,627
Darnell, you're paintin'
a turtle right now,
59
00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:17,631
and I'm not takin' legal advice
from you or any other
turtle painter.
60
00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:21,369
I'm just
makin' him more visible.
The kids keep steppin' on him.
61
00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:23,704
You want your license back?
62
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:25,906
Well, I want
somethin' from you.
63
00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:28,542
Fine.
What do you want me to do?
64
00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:30,811
I want you to fix
that hole in the wall...
65
00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:32,913
behind the Jesus-eatin'-dinner
picture that you put there.
66
00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:34,882
[ Earl Narrating ]
The hole Joy was
talkin' about...
67
00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:37,618
dated back to a fight
we'd had years before.
68
00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:41,889
You cheatin' son of a bitch!
You're supposed to say "uno"
when you only got one card left!
69
00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:45,559
I said "one."
You're supposed to say "uno"!
It's a Mexican game.
70
00:03:47,795 --> 00:03:50,664
This is why the kids won't play
Candy Land with you anymore.
71
00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:57,405
Joy, I'm not gonna
fix that hole.
Why not?
72
00:03:57,438 --> 00:03:59,807
Isn't that what you do
on your idiot list?
Fix things?
73
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,610
Only things that are my fault,
and that hole isn't one of 'em.
74
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:07,715
I can't believe there's
a hole behind this picture.
75
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:10,584
That's a relief.
Last week it was
bangin' on the wall...
76
00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:14,988
and I thought Jesus was mad
at me for puttin' that Darwin
fish on the back of the car.
77
00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:16,890
I guess it was just windy.
78
00:04:23,030 --> 00:04:26,367
Come on, Randy.
We have to drop Catalina off
and head down to the courthouse.
79
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,669
I'm gonna have to pay
for a new license.
Hold on.
80
00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:30,838
I'm tryin' to get
two earthworms to fight.
81
00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:34,308
The one
on the left keeps running.
Come on, homes. Kick his butt.
82
00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:36,444
Do worms have butts?
83
00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:38,946
If they do, they look
just like their faces.
84
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:41,449
[ Earl ]
Hey, that one
looks kinda angry.
85
00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:43,917
Maybe we should cut him in half
and make him fight himself.
86
00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:47,555
I don't think that would work.
If you cut me in half,
I wouldn't fight with my legs.
87
00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:49,790
I'd try to work with 'em
and get us to a hospital.
88
00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:52,460
- Hey, guys.
- [ All ]
Hey, Crab Man.
89
00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:55,629
Darnell, do you know anything
about gettin' worms to fight?
90
00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:59,600
Worms don't fight.
They're peaceful, loving people.
They got five hearts.
91
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:04,538
Listen, Earl, I'm gonna turn
around, and then I'm gonna
bend over and tie my shoe.
92
00:05:04,572 --> 00:05:06,840
You might wanna thumb
through my hair while I do.
93
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:09,042
Okay.
94
00:05:14,782 --> 00:05:16,917
Thanks, Crab Man.
95
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:20,053
No problem, Earl.
96
00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:24,057
[ Earl Narrating ] That was
by far the best thing I'd
ever found in Darnell's hair.
97
00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:27,661
And so I went down to the
courthouse to pay my tickets.
98
00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:35,703
Bein' a metal detective's
gotta be the best job
in the whole world.
99
00:05:35,736 --> 00:05:38,071
You get to see what everyone's
got in their pockets.
100
00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:39,940
Go on through.
[ Beeping ]
101
00:05:44,111 --> 00:05:46,814
- [ High-pitched Tone ]
- Look, this happens every
time I come through here.
102
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:50,718
- Where's Phil? Phil knows.
- Phil has the bird flu.
He's gonna be on the news.
103
00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,953
No, look, uh, it's nothing.
[ High-pitched Tone ]
104
00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:55,689
I-- I have a condition.
105
00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:58,492
What kind of condition?
106
00:05:58,526 --> 00:06:01,429
[ Softly ]
There's a-- a BB in my ass.
107
00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:06,099
There's a-- a BB in my--
You have a what?
108
00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:08,969
[ Loudly ]
A BB in my ass, okay?
I have a BB in my ass!
109
00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:13,040
[ Earl Narrating ] That's when I
realized karma wasn't punishing
me by giving me those tickets.
110
00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:16,610
It was leadin' me to
the courthouse to find her--
Gwen Waters.
111
00:06:16,644 --> 00:06:18,946
When I was little,
I had a crush on Gwen.
112
00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:21,081
[ Ricochet ]
There was just
somethin' about her.
113
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:24,785
And while I never worked up
the courage to talk to her,
other guys did.
114
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:27,187
And I didn't like it.
115
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:30,057
I learned
two things that day.
116
00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:32,025
I hated guys with alligators
on their shirts--
117
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,562
[ Yelps ]
and I was a terrible shot.
118
00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:38,532
- Oh, crap.
- You just shot me!
119
00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:40,434
Why won't you believe me?
120
00:06:40,468 --> 00:06:43,003
We need a female officer here
for a cavity search.
121
00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:46,807
- We need to take you down here.
- I really don't
like to be touched.
122
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,877
I know what I gotta do
next on my list, Randy.
123
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:53,180
Number 147-- shot Gwen Waters
in the ass with a BB.
124
00:06:53,213 --> 00:06:56,884
I have a certain sensitivity
to latex, okay?
I-I'm sure if you--
125
00:06:56,917 --> 00:07:00,153
- For the love of God, will
somebody please call Phil?
- This way, ma'am.
126
00:07:05,726 --> 00:07:09,162
[ Earl Narrating ]
After I paid my ticket,
I waited around to talk to Gwen.
127
00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:17,137
Prosecution will show
that the defendant
was taking money...
128
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:20,874
in exchange for sex
at the Rainbow Burger
drive-through.
129
00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:23,944
That's a lie.
I wasn't takin'
money for sex.
130
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,046
I was takin'
burgers for sex.
131
00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:29,717
And curly fries for a diddle
and a pickle for a "lookee."
132
00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:31,919
What? It's my
Tuesday afternoon special.
133
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:35,589
Uh, Your Honor,
I think we might need to talk
about a plea bargain here.
134
00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:39,192
Five-minute recess.
In my chambers.
135
00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:47,100
Gwen?
No, I will not draw
your stupid kid.
136
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:50,838
- No, Gwen,
it's me, Earl Hickey.
- Earl Hickey.
137
00:07:50,871 --> 00:07:54,608
How was that cavity search?
Do you got any, or do you
brush pretty good?
138
00:07:54,642 --> 00:07:56,777
- Randy, different cavity.
- Idiot.
139
00:07:56,810 --> 00:08:00,614
Name-caller.
Wait. Gwen, look.
I need to talk to you.
140
00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:03,517
I made a list of all the bad
things I've done and...
141
00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:05,586
well, your ass is on it.
142
00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:10,524
See? Number 147--
shot Gwen Waters in the--
143
00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:14,828
- Well, you know where.
- You should have put down how
you lied to my dad about it.
144
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:16,864
[ Earl Narrating ]
It never occurred
to me shooting Gwen...
145
00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:18,899
wasn't the worst thing
I did to her that day.
146
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:21,501
Oh, my God!
You just shot me!
147
00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:28,108
[ Earl Narrating ]
I'd like to say I ran
to Gwen's house to apologize,
148
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:31,679
but the truth is I didn't
want to get in trouble.
I didn't shoot her.
149
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:34,548
I shot a crow carrying a rock.
It must have dropped
and hit her in the butt.
150
00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:38,118
Gwen, how many times
have I told you,
don't play with birds?
151
00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:42,055
[ Earl Narrating ]
Luckily for me,
Gwen's dad was a crazy drunk...
152
00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:45,225
who believed a stupid lie
from a juvenile delinquent
over his own daughter.
153
00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:48,596
No way! Dad, are you actually
going to believe that crap?
154
00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:51,231
Inside.
Inside!
155
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:54,868
[ Door Opens, Closes ]
156
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:57,037
Son of a bitch never
believed a word I said.
157
00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:59,172
That was the last time
I ever talked to him.
158
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,675
Are you serious?
In 20 years?
159
00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:05,145
Yep. Two weeks later he left
my mom for another woman.
160
00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:07,314
I don't even know
where he lives.
161
00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:11,919
Out of my way!
I'm not goin' to jail
for a cheeseburger "handy"!
162
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,355
[ Yelps ]
163
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,825
I gotta go draw that.
164
00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:22,730
- [ Man ] Oh, damn it, Patty!
- Just forget about it, Earl.
I'll see you around.
165
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:27,801
[ Randy ]
Why'd you ever
have a crush on her?
166
00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:32,039
She's a bitch, not the good
kind like that "Kiss my grits"
lady from the diner show.
167
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:36,644
She was all,
"Kiss my grits."
We should go to Arizona.
168
00:09:36,677 --> 00:09:39,847
Did you hear that, Randy?
Because of me, her and her dad
never talked again.
169
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,749
I gotta fix that.
170
00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:46,987
Before, when you said
"different cavity,"
did you mean butt cavity?
171
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:49,256
I'm afraid so, Randy.
172
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:51,759
Sometimes I don't like
the world we live in.
173
00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:54,995
[ Earl Narrating ]
It ends up, Gwen's dad
wasn't hard to find.
174
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:57,330
He was livin' outside
Hendersonville.
175
00:09:57,364 --> 00:10:00,233
I found out later,
it was 'cause they wouldn't
let him inside Hendersonville.
176
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,241
Mr. Waters?
177
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:11,244
My name is Earl Hickey,
and you may not remember me,
178
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:13,413
but I wanna talk to you
about your daughter.
179
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:16,684
"Kipsie fopps."
180
00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:19,219
Always like--
[ Belches ]
Good lightbulb.
181
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:22,189
Yeah,
60-watt is a fine bulb.
182
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:25,258
Anyway, how would you feel
about goin' to Camden to see
your daughter?
183
00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:27,127
[ Mumbles ]
184
00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:30,731
I bet he's
had 20 beers today.
185
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:34,134
That's how many I had
when I tried to plug
the television into that dog.
186
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:36,236
I don't think he
understood a word I said.
187
00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:39,006
Maybe we should go
and come back another time.
188
00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:42,142
I don't think we can.
Karma brought me to
the courthouse to do this now.
189
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:44,211
[ Grunting ]
190
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:47,748
He's not just drunk.
He's Uncle Roger drunk.
I know.
191
00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:51,318
Look, we'll just bring him
back to Camden anyway.
We'll pour some coffee in him.
192
00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:55,956
When he sobers up, I'll explain
what I'm tryin' to do, and then
I'm sure he'll want to see Gwen.
193
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:59,159
[ Earl Narrating ] Turns out,
gettin' Gwen's dad back
to Camden was a royal pain.
194
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:01,795
When we stopped to get coffee
to sober him up,
195
00:11:01,829 --> 00:11:04,197
even that turned into
a nightmare.
196
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:10,437
There's no more!
Can I get some
more cups, please!
197
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,809
[ Yelps, Groans ]
198
00:11:15,843 --> 00:11:19,012
- S-Sorry about that!
- [ Urinating ]
199
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:25,418
That's not the bathroom!
200
00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:29,823
Where is he?
201
00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:32,960
Hey! [ Laughs ]
Got you!
202
00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:35,128
[ Earl Narrating ]
We got him off the roof...
203
00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:38,298
by tellin' him we had beer
hidden in the back
of the El Camino,
204
00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:41,835
and if he could find it,
he could have it.
205
00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:44,271
Sign says
60 miles to Camden.
206
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:46,339
I wonder why
they call it a mile.
207
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:48,375
Well, because
that's what it is.
208
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:50,510
What else are you
gonna call it, a "clorp"?
209
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,913
No one would know
what you're talkin' about.
210
00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:08,962
What are you doin'?
211
00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:15,502
- [ Brakes Squealing ]
- [ Car Honks ]
212
00:12:18,906 --> 00:12:20,974
Son of a bitch.
213
00:12:26,546 --> 00:12:28,782
[ Earl Narrating ]
After losing Gwen's dad,
214
00:12:28,816 --> 00:12:31,218
we backtracked to his trailer,
hopin' to find him there.
215
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:35,022
I miss Uncle Roger.
Except for when he
used to lick my cheeks.
216
00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:37,791
'Cause he was hungry
and you had food on your face.
217
00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:41,061
If you would have used
a napkin once in a while,
he would have let you alone.
218
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,963
[ Dog Barking In Distance ]
219
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:48,101
I don't think we can get
this guy back to Camden, Randy.
220
00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:52,405
I'm gonna have to bring
Gwen here. Let's start
by gettin' him inside.
221
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:58,111
[ Earl Narrating ]
Patchin' up Gwen and her father
was provin' to be hard,
222
00:12:58,145 --> 00:13:00,380
but we weren't givin' up.
223
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:03,383
Back at the trailer park,
Darnell was tryin' to
patch things up too.
224
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:05,252
Look, baby,
I fixed the wall.
225
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,057
That's for Earl to fix,
not you.
226
00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:18,431
All right, this is
all the booze he's got.
227
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,868
It's gonna take a couple
hours to get Gwen.
228
00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:23,303
Make sure
he doesn't drink anything.
[ Mr. Waters Shouting ]
229
00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:27,440
What's he doin'?
He's awake, so I put him in the
bath and threw in a bar of soap.
230
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:31,811
What'd he look like naked?
Kinda like E.T. when they
found him by the river.
231
00:13:34,882 --> 00:13:38,218
That poor little monkey.
He just wanted to phone home.
232
00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:40,253
[ Earl Narrating ]
When I got to the courthouse,
233
00:13:40,287 --> 00:13:43,023
I had to wait for a break
in the trial to talk to Gwen.
234
00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:45,425
You Honor,
the defendant solicited sex...
235
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:48,595
from a uniformed officer
in the middle of the day.
236
00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:50,630
That is a lie.
237
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:52,565
Show the video.
238
00:13:56,569 --> 00:14:00,407
Hey, I know you're
a uniformed officer
and it's the middle of the day,
239
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:03,243
but would you like to
have sex with me for money?
240
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:06,113
Uh, You Honor, I'd like to
resign as this woman's counsel.
241
00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:10,350
[ Earl Narrating ] When I
told Gwen what I was doin',
well, she wasn't very happy.
242
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:14,187
No way.
I am not going to Hendersonville
to talk to that son of a bitch.
243
00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:16,156
Gwen, it's my daughter
Bianca's birthday--
244
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:19,026
I do not draw children,
Claretta.
245
00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:22,029
Look, I had a bad relationship
with my dad too,
246
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,898
but patchin' it up
makes you feel really good.
247
00:14:24,932 --> 00:14:28,301
Yeah? But I'm guessing your
father didn't treat you like
crap your entire childhood.
248
00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:31,972
I do not want cake, Claretta.
Look, just forget
about this, okay?
249
00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:35,175
It's not your fault.
You were just the straw
that broke the camel's back.
250
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:38,345
Uh, but that's the thing.
I'm the straw.
251
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,948
Without the straw, the camel
wouldn't have a broken back.
252
00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:44,384
Yes, but if you remove
the straw from the camel's back,
that doesn't fix it.
253
00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:46,486
The camel is still dead.
254
00:14:49,957 --> 00:14:52,659
Camels can go
40 days without water.
255
00:14:52,692 --> 00:14:54,494
We're done here.
256
00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:02,435
[ Engine Shuts Off ]
257
00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:04,337
She wouldn't come with me.
258
00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:09,609
Where's the booze?
259
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,580
Randy, why is the door locked?
260
00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:15,949
He tricked me.
261
00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:18,251
Please don't
make me say how.
262
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,502
[ Lock Clicks ]
263
00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:38,705
He threw my
favorite food at me, Earl.
What was I supposed to do?
264
00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:41,341
Randy, bologna
isn't your favorite food.
Animal crackers are.
265
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:44,277
No, they're my favorite food
shaped like an animal.
266
00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:46,613
Do you even listen to me
when we talk at night?
267
00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:48,748
[ Earl Narrating ]
That's when I snapped.
268
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:52,285
I was gonna get Gwen
and her father together
whether they liked it or not.
269
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:30,190
Oh, crap. There she is.
Here, get these boards off.
270
00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:33,193
Uh, hey, Gwen.
Oh, for the love of God.
271
00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:37,130
If I shoot you with a BB gun,
will you leave me alone?
It's too late for that.
272
00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:41,268
I know what you said about the
whole camel and straw thing, and
you're a better arguer than me.
273
00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:43,570
I just can't live with
this on my conscience.
274
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:46,639
So I went ahead
and brought your dad here.
You what?
275
00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:50,477
Hey, I tell you!
Geez!
276
00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:54,647
Get out of the way there,
bologna boy.
277
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:57,250
Earl,
his pants are down.
278
00:16:57,284 --> 00:16:59,486
He doesn't know that, Randy.
Just pull 'em up.
279
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:02,089
I don't wanna.
He's gross and his pants
are gross.
280
00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:04,791
- Randy.
- Oh, my God.
That's my dad?
281
00:17:04,824 --> 00:17:07,060
That's his house?
282
00:17:07,094 --> 00:17:09,362
Hey, hey, no.
No!
283
00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:11,564
He looks terrible.
I know.
284
00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:13,566
He's kind of a drunk.
285
00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:19,272
No!
You pull 'em up,
I'll poop 'em.
286
00:17:19,306 --> 00:17:23,310
My God, look at him.
You want me to hold him down
so you can talk to him?
287
00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:26,579
No.
Please? If you talk to him
for a minute, I'm sure--
288
00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:29,349
I can't believe I wasted half
my life being angry at him,
289
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,351
thinkin' he got away with
treating me like crap.
290
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:33,320
Look at him.
291
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:36,656
[ Grunts ]
292
00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:39,326
He didn't get away
with anything. He just...
293
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,830
got what was coming to him.
294
00:17:43,863 --> 00:17:46,499
Karma.
295
00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:53,673
Well, this is weird.
296
00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:56,843
For the first time in 20 years,
I don't feel mad at my dad.
297
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:04,117
It's nice.
[ Chuckles ]
298
00:18:04,151 --> 00:18:07,154
[ Earl Narrating ] It was then
I remembered why I had
a crush on Gwen 20 years ago.
299
00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:09,322
It was her smile.
300
00:18:09,356 --> 00:18:11,358
She always had
a beautiful smile.
301
00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:13,393
So, you gonna
go talk to him?
302
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,728
No. I already got
everything I needed.
303
00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:20,099
Thanks for bringin'
him down here, Earl.
304
00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:24,237
And cross me off your list.
305
00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:27,907
[ Earl Narrating ]
I'd be lyin' if I said this
was the end I was rootin' for.
306
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:31,744
I was hopin' Gwen and her dad
would make up on the spot.
307
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:35,315
But sometimes relationships
don't work out that way.
308
00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:39,586
Sometimes the best you can
hope for is at least one person
walkin' away happy again.
309
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,721
I locked him in
the El Camino.
[ Engine Starts ]
310
00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:48,361
I might have locked him
in there with the keys.
311
00:18:48,395 --> 00:18:51,231
That's all right, Randy.
He won't get far.
312
00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:53,433
He doesn't know you're
supposed to put your foot...
313
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,902
over the hole in the floor
to keep the exhaust out.
314
00:18:55,935 --> 00:18:57,770
Let's go follow him.
315
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:04,311
Could we stop
and get some bologna?
I got a taste for bologna.
316
00:19:04,344 --> 00:19:07,647
I can't make any promises,
but if we see a place.
317
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,650
[ Earl Narrating ]
Once Gwen let go of some of
that anger at her dad,
318
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:12,852
not only did she
find her smile again,
319
00:19:12,885 --> 00:19:15,488
well, she found the smiles
in other people too.
320
00:19:15,522 --> 00:19:19,426
I hereby sentence you
to a $500 fine.
321
00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:22,295
Any chance you wanna take
that 500 out in trade?
322
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:26,633
I'll let you take a ride
on the Patty wagon.
Whoo!
323
00:19:28,935 --> 00:19:32,439
Excuse me.
You do such beautiful work.
Would you sketch my little girl?
324
00:19:35,308 --> 00:19:37,244
Why not?
325
00:19:38,911 --> 00:19:40,847
[ Earl Narrating ]
And I realized that sometimes,
326
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,915
even when you didn't
do anything wrong,
327
00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:45,952
it's okay to let stuff go
and try to patch things up.
328
00:19:45,985 --> 00:19:48,755
See? I told you
it was your fault, dummy.
329
00:19:48,788 --> 00:19:52,759
[ Earl Narrating ] It's better
this way. Holdin' on to anger
just eats you up inside.
330
00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:56,829
Besides, karma's always there
to make sure things come out
the way they should.
331
00:19:56,863 --> 00:20:00,300
Damn it.
Who left Jesus
and his buddies down here?
27668
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