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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:03,737 You know the kind of guy who does nothing but bad things... 2 00:00:03,771 --> 00:00:06,707 and then wonders why his life sucks? 3 00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:11,145 Well, that was me. Every time somethin' good happened to me, 4 00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:13,281 somethin' bad was always waitin' around the corner. 5 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,085 Karma. 6 00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:19,220 That's when I realized I had to change. 7 00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:23,391 So I made a list of everything bad I've ever done, 8 00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:26,394 and, one by one, I'm gonna make up for all my mistakes. 9 00:00:26,427 --> 00:00:28,362 I'm just tryin' to be a better person. 10 00:00:28,396 --> 00:00:31,265 My name is Earl. 11 00:00:31,299 --> 00:00:33,267 [ Earl Narrating ] Back in my criminal days, 12 00:00:33,301 --> 00:00:35,469 I used to steal loose change out of cars. 13 00:00:35,503 --> 00:00:38,539 Since there's no way to give the right change back to the right people, 14 00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:41,775 I have to find other ways to pay the world back. 15 00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:44,178 - Hey, Earl, wait up. - Officer Ross. 16 00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:46,180 You, uh, dropped your gun. 17 00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:48,149 Oh. 18 00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:52,320 [ Grunts ] Cool. 19 00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:55,556 Thanks. Uh, I'm gonna have to give you a ticket... 20 00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:58,126 because it's illegal puttin' money in other people's meters. 21 00:00:58,159 --> 00:01:01,195 Seriously? Why? I don't know. 22 00:01:01,229 --> 00:01:03,164 Anyways, I'm gonna need to see your license. 23 00:01:03,197 --> 00:01:05,299 My license? 24 00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:08,402 I don't have my license. My ex-wife does and won't give it back. 25 00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:10,538 - Why? - Well, 'cause she's crazy... 26 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,606 and it gives her an excuse to torture me. 27 00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:18,679 [ Camera Shutter Clicking ] 28 00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:29,257 You sure this will help the guys in the Gulf win the war? 29 00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:31,525 Once I go spread-eagle Whitesnake-style on the hood, it will. 30 00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:33,661 Those boys need to remember what they're fightin' for. 31 00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:36,797 Hold on. I got an eye booger the size of a walnut. 32 00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,872 Oh, snap. 33 00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:47,741 Earl's driver's license. [ Chuckles ] 34 00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:50,311 Holdin' on to this for a rainy day. 35 00:01:50,344 --> 00:01:53,281 Too bad it didn't thunder when you said that. That would have been cool. 36 00:01:53,314 --> 00:01:56,717 - Like you're a evil genius or something. - That would have been cool. 37 00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:02,456 I'm holdin' on to this for a rainy day! 38 00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:09,830 I think you need clouds for thunder. 39 00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,932 [ Wings Flapping ] 40 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,935 [ Gasps ] Look at that bird up there. 41 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:17,605 How the hell do they stay up there like that? 42 00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:20,941 Wait. So what you're sayin' is, is that you've been... 43 00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:23,444 operatin' your motor vehicle without a license. 44 00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,579 Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm sayin'. 45 00:02:25,613 --> 00:02:29,683 [ Earl Narrating ] So instead of gettin' one ticket, I got two. 46 00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:33,721 I couldn't understand why karma was punishing me for tryin' to do somethin' good. 47 00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:35,689 And why was it makin' me go see Joy? 48 00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:38,226 Joy, just give me my license. 49 00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:41,195 Why? What's in it for me? 50 00:02:41,229 --> 00:02:43,264 Well, you'd be doin' a nice thing, 51 00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:45,566 which would get you two steps closer to heaven. 52 00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:49,370 And if I had to guess, you're probably a few steps closer to somewhere else. 53 00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:53,674 Look, Earl, I'd love to give you your license back. 54 00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:57,878 But before I return it, I'm gonna need to see some form of identification. 55 00:03:00,348 --> 00:03:05,553 Some-- Some kind of picture I.D. Perhaps a license. 56 00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:09,257 You know, Joy, technically, that license is state property. 57 00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:11,559 It doesn't belong to either one of you. 58 00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:13,627 Darnell, you're paintin' a turtle right now, 59 00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:17,631 and I'm not takin' legal advice from you or any other turtle painter. 60 00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:21,369 I'm just makin' him more visible. The kids keep steppin' on him. 61 00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:23,704 You want your license back? 62 00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:25,906 Well, I want somethin' from you. 63 00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:28,542 Fine. What do you want me to do? 64 00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:30,811 I want you to fix that hole in the wall... 65 00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:32,913 behind the Jesus-eatin'-dinner picture that you put there. 66 00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:34,882 [ Earl Narrating ] The hole Joy was talkin' about... 67 00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:37,618 dated back to a fight we'd had years before. 68 00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:41,889 You cheatin' son of a bitch! You're supposed to say "uno" when you only got one card left! 69 00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:45,559 I said "one." You're supposed to say "uno"! It's a Mexican game. 70 00:03:47,795 --> 00:03:50,664 This is why the kids won't play Candy Land with you anymore. 71 00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:57,405 Joy, I'm not gonna fix that hole. Why not? 72 00:03:57,438 --> 00:03:59,807 Isn't that what you do on your idiot list? Fix things? 73 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,610 Only things that are my fault, and that hole isn't one of 'em. 74 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:07,715 I can't believe there's a hole behind this picture. 75 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:10,584 That's a relief. Last week it was bangin' on the wall... 76 00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:14,988 and I thought Jesus was mad at me for puttin' that Darwin fish on the back of the car. 77 00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:16,890 I guess it was just windy. 78 00:04:23,030 --> 00:04:26,367 Come on, Randy. We have to drop Catalina off and head down to the courthouse. 79 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,669 I'm gonna have to pay for a new license. Hold on. 80 00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:30,838 I'm tryin' to get two earthworms to fight. 81 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:34,308 The one on the left keeps running. Come on, homes. Kick his butt. 82 00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:36,444 Do worms have butts? 83 00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:38,946 If they do, they look just like their faces. 84 00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:41,449 [ Earl ] Hey, that one looks kinda angry. 85 00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:43,917 Maybe we should cut him in half and make him fight himself. 86 00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:47,555 I don't think that would work. If you cut me in half, I wouldn't fight with my legs. 87 00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:49,790 I'd try to work with 'em and get us to a hospital. 88 00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:52,460 - Hey, guys. - [ All ] Hey, Crab Man. 89 00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:55,629 Darnell, do you know anything about gettin' worms to fight? 90 00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:59,600 Worms don't fight. They're peaceful, loving people. They got five hearts. 91 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:04,538 Listen, Earl, I'm gonna turn around, and then I'm gonna bend over and tie my shoe. 92 00:05:04,572 --> 00:05:06,840 You might wanna thumb through my hair while I do. 93 00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:09,042 Okay. 94 00:05:14,782 --> 00:05:16,917 Thanks, Crab Man. 95 00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:20,053 No problem, Earl. 96 00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:24,057 [ Earl Narrating ] That was by far the best thing I'd ever found in Darnell's hair. 97 00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:27,661 And so I went down to the courthouse to pay my tickets. 98 00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:35,703 Bein' a metal detective's gotta be the best job in the whole world. 99 00:05:35,736 --> 00:05:38,071 You get to see what everyone's got in their pockets. 100 00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:39,940 Go on through. [ Beeping ] 101 00:05:44,111 --> 00:05:46,814 - [ High-pitched Tone ] - Look, this happens every time I come through here. 102 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:50,718 - Where's Phil? Phil knows. - Phil has the bird flu. He's gonna be on the news. 103 00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,953 No, look, uh, it's nothing. [ High-pitched Tone ] 104 00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:55,689 I-- I have a condition. 105 00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:58,492 What kind of condition? 106 00:05:58,526 --> 00:06:01,429 [ Softly ] There's a-- a BB in my ass. 107 00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:06,099 There's a-- a BB in my-- You have a what? 108 00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:08,969 [ Loudly ] A BB in my ass, okay? I have a BB in my ass! 109 00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:13,040 [ Earl Narrating ] That's when I realized karma wasn't punishing me by giving me those tickets. 110 00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:16,610 It was leadin' me to the courthouse to find her-- Gwen Waters. 111 00:06:16,644 --> 00:06:18,946 When I was little, I had a crush on Gwen. 112 00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:21,081 [ Ricochet ] There was just somethin' about her. 113 00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:24,785 And while I never worked up the courage to talk to her, other guys did. 114 00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:27,187 And I didn't like it. 115 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:30,057 I learned two things that day. 116 00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:32,025 I hated guys with alligators on their shirts-- 117 00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,562 [ Yelps ] and I was a terrible shot. 118 00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:38,532 - Oh, crap. - You just shot me! 119 00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:40,434 Why won't you believe me? 120 00:06:40,468 --> 00:06:43,003 We need a female officer here for a cavity search. 121 00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:46,807 - We need to take you down here. - I really don't like to be touched. 122 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,877 I know what I gotta do next on my list, Randy. 123 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:53,180 Number 147-- shot Gwen Waters in the ass with a BB. 124 00:06:53,213 --> 00:06:56,884 I have a certain sensitivity to latex, okay? I-I'm sure if you-- 125 00:06:56,917 --> 00:07:00,153 - For the love of God, will somebody please call Phil? - This way, ma'am. 126 00:07:05,726 --> 00:07:09,162 [ Earl Narrating ] After I paid my ticket, I waited around to talk to Gwen. 127 00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:17,137 Prosecution will show that the defendant was taking money... 128 00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:20,874 in exchange for sex at the Rainbow Burger drive-through. 129 00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:23,944 That's a lie. I wasn't takin' money for sex. 130 00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,046 I was takin' burgers for sex. 131 00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:29,717 And curly fries for a diddle and a pickle for a "lookee." 132 00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:31,919 What? It's my Tuesday afternoon special. 133 00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:35,589 Uh, Your Honor, I think we might need to talk about a plea bargain here. 134 00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:39,192 Five-minute recess. In my chambers. 135 00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:47,100 Gwen? No, I will not draw your stupid kid. 136 00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:50,838 - No, Gwen, it's me, Earl Hickey. - Earl Hickey. 137 00:07:50,871 --> 00:07:54,608 How was that cavity search? Do you got any, or do you brush pretty good? 138 00:07:54,642 --> 00:07:56,777 - Randy, different cavity. - Idiot. 139 00:07:56,810 --> 00:08:00,614 Name-caller. Wait. Gwen, look. I need to talk to you. 140 00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:03,517 I made a list of all the bad things I've done and... 141 00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:05,586 well, your ass is on it. 142 00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:10,524 See? Number 147-- shot Gwen Waters in the-- 143 00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:14,828 - Well, you know where. - You should have put down how you lied to my dad about it. 144 00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:16,864 [ Earl Narrating ] It never occurred to me shooting Gwen... 145 00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:18,899 wasn't the worst thing I did to her that day. 146 00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:21,501 Oh, my God! You just shot me! 147 00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:28,108 [ Earl Narrating ] I'd like to say I ran to Gwen's house to apologize, 148 00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:31,679 but the truth is I didn't want to get in trouble. I didn't shoot her. 149 00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:34,548 I shot a crow carrying a rock. It must have dropped and hit her in the butt. 150 00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:38,118 Gwen, how many times have I told you, don't play with birds? 151 00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:42,055 [ Earl Narrating ] Luckily for me, Gwen's dad was a crazy drunk... 152 00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:45,225 who believed a stupid lie from a juvenile delinquent over his own daughter. 153 00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:48,596 No way! Dad, are you actually going to believe that crap? 154 00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:51,231 Inside. Inside! 155 00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:54,868 [ Door Opens, Closes ] 156 00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:57,037 Son of a bitch never believed a word I said. 157 00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:59,172 That was the last time I ever talked to him. 158 00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,675 Are you serious? In 20 years? 159 00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:05,145 Yep. Two weeks later he left my mom for another woman. 160 00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:07,314 I don't even know where he lives. 161 00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:11,919 Out of my way! I'm not goin' to jail for a cheeseburger "handy"! 162 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,355 [ Yelps ] 163 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,825 I gotta go draw that. 164 00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:22,730 - [ Man ] Oh, damn it, Patty! - Just forget about it, Earl. I'll see you around. 165 00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:27,801 [ Randy ] Why'd you ever have a crush on her? 166 00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:32,039 She's a bitch, not the good kind like that "Kiss my grits" lady from the diner show. 167 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:36,644 She was all, "Kiss my grits." We should go to Arizona. 168 00:09:36,677 --> 00:09:39,847 Did you hear that, Randy? Because of me, her and her dad never talked again. 169 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,749 I gotta fix that. 170 00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:46,987 Before, when you said "different cavity," did you mean butt cavity? 171 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:49,256 I'm afraid so, Randy. 172 00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:51,759 Sometimes I don't like the world we live in. 173 00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:54,995 [ Earl Narrating ] It ends up, Gwen's dad wasn't hard to find. 174 00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:57,330 He was livin' outside Hendersonville. 175 00:09:57,364 --> 00:10:00,233 I found out later, it was 'cause they wouldn't let him inside Hendersonville. 176 00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,241 Mr. Waters? 177 00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:11,244 My name is Earl Hickey, and you may not remember me, 178 00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:13,413 but I wanna talk to you about your daughter. 179 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:16,684 "Kipsie fopps." 180 00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:19,219 Always like-- [ Belches ] Good lightbulb. 181 00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:22,189 Yeah, 60-watt is a fine bulb. 182 00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:25,258 Anyway, how would you feel about goin' to Camden to see your daughter? 183 00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:27,127 [ Mumbles ] 184 00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:30,731 I bet he's had 20 beers today. 185 00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:34,134 That's how many I had when I tried to plug the television into that dog. 186 00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:36,236 I don't think he understood a word I said. 187 00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:39,006 Maybe we should go and come back another time. 188 00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:42,142 I don't think we can. Karma brought me to the courthouse to do this now. 189 00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:44,211 [ Grunting ] 190 00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:47,748 He's not just drunk. He's Uncle Roger drunk. I know. 191 00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:51,318 Look, we'll just bring him back to Camden anyway. We'll pour some coffee in him. 192 00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:55,956 When he sobers up, I'll explain what I'm tryin' to do, and then I'm sure he'll want to see Gwen. 193 00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:59,159 [ Earl Narrating ] Turns out, gettin' Gwen's dad back to Camden was a royal pain. 194 00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:01,795 When we stopped to get coffee to sober him up, 195 00:11:01,829 --> 00:11:04,197 even that turned into a nightmare. 196 00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:10,437 There's no more! Can I get some more cups, please! 197 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,809 [ Yelps, Groans ] 198 00:11:15,843 --> 00:11:19,012 - S-Sorry about that! - [ Urinating ] 199 00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:25,418 That's not the bathroom! 200 00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:29,823 Where is he? 201 00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:32,960 Hey! [ Laughs ] Got you! 202 00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:35,128 [ Earl Narrating ] We got him off the roof... 203 00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:38,298 by tellin' him we had beer hidden in the back of the El Camino, 204 00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:41,835 and if he could find it, he could have it. 205 00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:44,271 Sign says 60 miles to Camden. 206 00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:46,339 I wonder why they call it a mile. 207 00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:48,375 Well, because that's what it is. 208 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:50,510 What else are you gonna call it, a "clorp"? 209 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,913 No one would know what you're talkin' about. 210 00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:08,962 What are you doin'? 211 00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:15,502 - [ Brakes Squealing ] - [ Car Honks ] 212 00:12:18,906 --> 00:12:20,974 Son of a bitch. 213 00:12:26,546 --> 00:12:28,782 [ Earl Narrating ] After losing Gwen's dad, 214 00:12:28,816 --> 00:12:31,218 we backtracked to his trailer, hopin' to find him there. 215 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:35,022 I miss Uncle Roger. Except for when he used to lick my cheeks. 216 00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:37,791 'Cause he was hungry and you had food on your face. 217 00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:41,061 If you would have used a napkin once in a while, he would have let you alone. 218 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,963 [ Dog Barking In Distance ] 219 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:48,101 I don't think we can get this guy back to Camden, Randy. 220 00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:52,405 I'm gonna have to bring Gwen here. Let's start by gettin' him inside. 221 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:58,111 [ Earl Narrating ] Patchin' up Gwen and her father was provin' to be hard, 222 00:12:58,145 --> 00:13:00,380 but we weren't givin' up. 223 00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:03,383 Back at the trailer park, Darnell was tryin' to patch things up too. 224 00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:05,252 Look, baby, I fixed the wall. 225 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,057 That's for Earl to fix, not you. 226 00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:18,431 All right, this is all the booze he's got. 227 00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,868 It's gonna take a couple hours to get Gwen. 228 00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:23,303 Make sure he doesn't drink anything. [ Mr. Waters Shouting ] 229 00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:27,440 What's he doin'? He's awake, so I put him in the bath and threw in a bar of soap. 230 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:31,811 What'd he look like naked? Kinda like E.T. when they found him by the river. 231 00:13:34,882 --> 00:13:38,218 That poor little monkey. He just wanted to phone home. 232 00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:40,253 [ Earl Narrating ] When I got to the courthouse, 233 00:13:40,287 --> 00:13:43,023 I had to wait for a break in the trial to talk to Gwen. 234 00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:45,425 You Honor, the defendant solicited sex... 235 00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:48,595 from a uniformed officer in the middle of the day. 236 00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:50,630 That is a lie. 237 00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:52,565 Show the video. 238 00:13:56,569 --> 00:14:00,407 Hey, I know you're a uniformed officer and it's the middle of the day, 239 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:03,243 but would you like to have sex with me for money? 240 00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:06,113 Uh, You Honor, I'd like to resign as this woman's counsel. 241 00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:10,350 [ Earl Narrating ] When I told Gwen what I was doin', well, she wasn't very happy. 242 00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:14,187 No way. I am not going to Hendersonville to talk to that son of a bitch. 243 00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:16,156 Gwen, it's my daughter Bianca's birthday-- 244 00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:19,026 I do not draw children, Claretta. 245 00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:22,029 Look, I had a bad relationship with my dad too, 246 00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,898 but patchin' it up makes you feel really good. 247 00:14:24,932 --> 00:14:28,301 Yeah? But I'm guessing your father didn't treat you like crap your entire childhood. 248 00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:31,972 I do not want cake, Claretta. Look, just forget about this, okay? 249 00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:35,175 It's not your fault. You were just the straw that broke the camel's back. 250 00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:38,345 Uh, but that's the thing. I'm the straw. 251 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,948 Without the straw, the camel wouldn't have a broken back. 252 00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:44,384 Yes, but if you remove the straw from the camel's back, that doesn't fix it. 253 00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:46,486 The camel is still dead. 254 00:14:49,957 --> 00:14:52,659 Camels can go 40 days without water. 255 00:14:52,692 --> 00:14:54,494 We're done here. 256 00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:02,435 [ Engine Shuts Off ] 257 00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:04,337 She wouldn't come with me. 258 00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:09,609 Where's the booze? 259 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,580 Randy, why is the door locked? 260 00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:15,949 He tricked me. 261 00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:18,251 Please don't make me say how. 262 00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,502 [ Lock Clicks ] 263 00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:38,705 He threw my favorite food at me, Earl. What was I supposed to do? 264 00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:41,341 Randy, bologna isn't your favorite food. Animal crackers are. 265 00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:44,277 No, they're my favorite food shaped like an animal. 266 00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:46,613 Do you even listen to me when we talk at night? 267 00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:48,748 [ Earl Narrating ] That's when I snapped. 268 00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:52,285 I was gonna get Gwen and her father together whether they liked it or not. 269 00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:30,190 Oh, crap. There she is. Here, get these boards off. 270 00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:33,193 Uh, hey, Gwen. Oh, for the love of God. 271 00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:37,130 If I shoot you with a BB gun, will you leave me alone? It's too late for that. 272 00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:41,268 I know what you said about the whole camel and straw thing, and you're a better arguer than me. 273 00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:43,570 I just can't live with this on my conscience. 274 00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:46,639 So I went ahead and brought your dad here. You what? 275 00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:50,477 Hey, I tell you! Geez! 276 00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:54,647 Get out of the way there, bologna boy. 277 00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:57,250 Earl, his pants are down. 278 00:16:57,284 --> 00:16:59,486 He doesn't know that, Randy. Just pull 'em up. 279 00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:02,089 I don't wanna. He's gross and his pants are gross. 280 00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:04,791 - Randy. - Oh, my God. That's my dad? 281 00:17:04,824 --> 00:17:07,060 That's his house? 282 00:17:07,094 --> 00:17:09,362 Hey, hey, no. No! 283 00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:11,564 He looks terrible. I know. 284 00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:13,566 He's kind of a drunk. 285 00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:19,272 No! You pull 'em up, I'll poop 'em. 286 00:17:19,306 --> 00:17:23,310 My God, look at him. You want me to hold him down so you can talk to him? 287 00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:26,579 No. Please? If you talk to him for a minute, I'm sure-- 288 00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:29,349 I can't believe I wasted half my life being angry at him, 289 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,351 thinkin' he got away with treating me like crap. 290 00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:33,320 Look at him. 291 00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:36,656 [ Grunts ] 292 00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:39,326 He didn't get away with anything. He just... 293 00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,830 got what was coming to him. 294 00:17:43,863 --> 00:17:46,499 Karma. 295 00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:53,673 Well, this is weird. 296 00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:56,843 For the first time in 20 years, I don't feel mad at my dad. 297 00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:04,117 It's nice. [ Chuckles ] 298 00:18:04,151 --> 00:18:07,154 [ Earl Narrating ] It was then I remembered why I had a crush on Gwen 20 years ago. 299 00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:09,322 It was her smile. 300 00:18:09,356 --> 00:18:11,358 She always had a beautiful smile. 301 00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:13,393 So, you gonna go talk to him? 302 00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,728 No. I already got everything I needed. 303 00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:20,099 Thanks for bringin' him down here, Earl. 304 00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:24,237 And cross me off your list. 305 00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:27,907 [ Earl Narrating ] I'd be lyin' if I said this was the end I was rootin' for. 306 00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:31,744 I was hopin' Gwen and her dad would make up on the spot. 307 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:35,315 But sometimes relationships don't work out that way. 308 00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:39,586 Sometimes the best you can hope for is at least one person walkin' away happy again. 309 00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,721 I locked him in the El Camino. [ Engine Starts ] 310 00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:48,361 I might have locked him in there with the keys. 311 00:18:48,395 --> 00:18:51,231 That's all right, Randy. He won't get far. 312 00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:53,433 He doesn't know you're supposed to put your foot... 313 00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,902 over the hole in the floor to keep the exhaust out. 314 00:18:55,935 --> 00:18:57,770 Let's go follow him. 315 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:04,311 Could we stop and get some bologna? I got a taste for bologna. 316 00:19:04,344 --> 00:19:07,647 I can't make any promises, but if we see a place. 317 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,650 [ Earl Narrating ] Once Gwen let go of some of that anger at her dad, 318 00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:12,852 not only did she find her smile again, 319 00:19:12,885 --> 00:19:15,488 well, she found the smiles in other people too. 320 00:19:15,522 --> 00:19:19,426 I hereby sentence you to a $500 fine. 321 00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:22,295 Any chance you wanna take that 500 out in trade? 322 00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:26,633 I'll let you take a ride on the Patty wagon. Whoo! 323 00:19:28,935 --> 00:19:32,439 Excuse me. You do such beautiful work. Would you sketch my little girl? 324 00:19:35,308 --> 00:19:37,244 Why not? 325 00:19:38,911 --> 00:19:40,847 [ Earl Narrating ] And I realized that sometimes, 326 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,915 even when you didn't do anything wrong, 327 00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:45,952 it's okay to let stuff go and try to patch things up. 328 00:19:45,985 --> 00:19:48,755 See? I told you it was your fault, dummy. 329 00:19:48,788 --> 00:19:52,759 [ Earl Narrating ] It's better this way. Holdin' on to anger just eats you up inside. 330 00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:56,829 Besides, karma's always there to make sure things come out the way they should. 331 00:19:56,863 --> 00:20:00,300 Damn it. Who left Jesus and his buddies down here? 27668

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