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1
00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:03,671
You know the kind of guy
who does nothing
but bad things...
2
00:00:03,704 --> 00:00:06,674
and then wonders why
his life sucks?
3
00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:11,112
Well, that was me.
Every time somethin' good
happened to me,
4
00:00:11,145 --> 00:00:13,247
somethin' bad
was always waitin'
around the corner.
5
00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:17,051
Karma.
6
00:00:17,085 --> 00:00:19,187
That's when I realized
I had to change.
7
00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:23,357
So I made a list
of everything bad
I've ever done,
8
00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:26,360
and, one by one,
I'm gonna make up
for all my mistakes.
9
00:00:26,394 --> 00:00:28,329
I'm just tryin'
to be a better person.
10
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,364
My name is Earl.
11
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:34,602
[ Earl Narrating ]
Sometimes after a rain,
Randy likes to come down...
12
00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:36,804
to where the storm drain
lets out into the river...
13
00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:39,273
and look for
what he calls treasure.
14
00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:46,414
Another doll's head, Earl!
That makes four.
15
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:49,217
Just think,
if these were real heads,
this would be a terrible day.
16
00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:52,586
Nice haul so far.
17
00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:55,756
Got a key chain,
a baseball, 52 cents.
18
00:00:58,326 --> 00:01:00,461
What's this, bacon?
I think so.
19
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,430
You're keeping bacon?
I like thinking about...
20
00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:05,633
the journey it
must've taken to get here.
21
00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:09,570
Oh, man!
The stain remover got away.
22
00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:12,506
[ Earl Narrating ]
Catalina had come along
to do the motel washing.
23
00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:15,343
That way she could keep
the money the manager gave her
for the Laundromat.
24
00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:18,579
Get it, Earl.
I need it for the sheets.
I got it.
25
00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:33,427
- I'll be damned.
- Oh, no. It's the badge.
26
00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:36,297
I can't believe it
found its way back to us.
27
00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:38,832
It's like one of them crazy-ass
Australian wooden Frisbees.
28
00:01:38,866 --> 00:01:41,902
Get rid of it, Earl.
I'm not just getting
rid of it, Randy.
29
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:44,738
This badge is on a journey too,
just like that bacon.
30
00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:47,475
And I gotta help it find its way
to where it needs to go.
31
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:49,810
[ Earl Narrating ]
The badge had entered our lives
a few years ago...
32
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:52,913
as we were enjoying
America's favorite pastime.
33
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:56,584
[ Snickering, Laughing ]
34
00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:06,527
And, after we bowled, we enjoyed
our favorite pastime-- stealing.
35
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:09,863
We discovered that
when people bowl,
they stash their wallets...
36
00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:11,632
and other cool stuff
in their street shoes.
37
00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:18,206
The only valuables
you should ever keep
in your shoes are your feet.
38
00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:25,513
What kind of kid puts acorns
in his shoes?
39
00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:29,883
A squirrel kid might,
except a squirrel kid
doesn't wear shoes.
40
00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:31,952
Unless--
No, even then it wouldn't.
41
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,887
Ow.
42
00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:44,398
That's a policeman's badge,
Earl.
43
00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:46,567
Shut up, dummy.
He knows what it is.
44
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,870
What are you gonna do, Earl?
That's a policeman's badge.
45
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:52,806
[ Earl Narrating ]
Joy was right, and so was Randy.
46
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:56,544
We stole a badge from a cop,
and that could lead
to all kinds of trouble.
47
00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:58,812
We gotta get rid of it.
Ma'am, excuse me.
48
00:03:00,481 --> 00:03:02,516
- Can we get our check, please?
- Oh, sure.
49
00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:07,221
Oh, that's okay, Officer.
50
00:03:07,255 --> 00:03:08,956
There's no charge for police.
51
00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:25,439
[ Earl Narrating ] Getting
free pie in a world without
free pie was pretty cool.
52
00:03:25,473 --> 00:03:28,276
Hey!
53
00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:30,811
What the hell are you doing
towing a car with
the American flag on it?
54
00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:32,746
Are you part Taliban?
55
00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:35,583
[ Earl Narrating ]
But what was even cooler
than getting free pie...
56
00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:37,518
was stopping a car
from being towed.
57
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:41,489
Excuse me.
Sorry, boss.
58
00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:44,625
[ Earl Narrating ] That's when
I realized I had something
I did not wanna part with.
59
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:47,661
Something I never had before--
power.
60
00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:54,668
And it turned out
having power was a lot of fun.
61
00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:57,971
It made life easier.
62
00:03:58,005 --> 00:04:01,041
Knowing I had that badge
in my pocket meant
I knew I could do no wrong.
63
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,744
No matter what kind
of mess I got myself in,
64
00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:06,647
the badge was always there
to bail me out.
65
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,450
I was really enjoying
being on the force.
66
00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:12,586
I couldn't even remember
how I used to live
without a police badge.
67
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:23,864
And I wasn't the only one
enjoying the power of the badge.
68
00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:28,402
It's 1:00 a.m.
Do you mind?
This is a police operation, sir.
69
00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:30,871
Would you like to go to jail...
in South America?
70
00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:37,745
[ Earl Narrating ] The more we
used the badge, the more
comfortable we became...
71
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,713
pretending to be the police.
72
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:52,059
[ Siren Wailing ]
73
00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:54,428
Ma'am, we saw you steal
an alarm clock,
74
00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:56,964
seven CDs and a tube
of hemorrhoid cream.
75
00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:59,600
I use that for my puffy eyes,
Mr. Nosy.
76
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:02,069
Somebody call the cops?
77
00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:06,574
- Wow, that was quick.
- We got a really fast car
with lights on the roof.
78
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:10,077
Let's go, female thief.
You got some explaining to do.
79
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,015
Did you get me
that stapler?
Got it.
80
00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:18,786
Evidence.
81
00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:24,858
[ Earl Narrating ]
Yep, there was no end
to what we could do.
82
00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:27,294
We were finally living
in a world of free pie.
83
00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:36,136
But, after a while,
the power of the badge
started getting too dangerous.
84
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:39,640
Okay, listen up!
I want all the liquor
in this bar...
85
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:42,810
loaded into my truck,
and everyone's gotta help carry.
86
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,945
Except the ladies.
[ Scoffs ]
87
00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:47,881
They need to
take their shirts off
and slap each other.
88
00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:50,618
[ Earl Narrating ]
Creepy Rodney.
No one liked Rodney.
89
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:52,753
He was the worse kind of thief.
90
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:55,856
The kind that steals
from other thieves...
and doesn't shower.
91
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:58,726
Wow. When did Rodney
become a cop?
92
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,699
Uh-oh.
93
00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:11,839
Can I have five
lottery tickets, please?
94
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,941
It's part of an investigation.
95
00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:17,377
And a sour pickle?
We're looking into those too.
96
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:28,155
Hey, buddy.
How's the scratching going?
97
00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:30,591
You know, they say
it's all the same,
98
00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:34,562
but I really think side to side
is faster than up and down.
99
00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:36,664
Wow.
That's interesting.
100
00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:39,633
I'll see you later.
101
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:42,202
Free ticket!
Free ticket!
Free ticket!
102
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:45,205
Sir, I won! I won!
I get to scratch again!
103
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:48,742
If you don't want
to slap each other,
you can take turns kissing me.
104
00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:54,014
Hey, Rodney,
you're not a cop.
105
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:56,784
Cops don't sell fake watches
out of their trucks.
106
00:06:56,817 --> 00:07:00,821
Damn it!
I thought that said "Cucci."
107
00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:05,158
I'm gonna use this for hassling
white people to make up for
300 years of racial injustice.
108
00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:07,461
Or maybe I'll just use it
for Halloween.
109
00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:09,663
Sorry, Darnell.
That's ours.
110
00:07:09,697 --> 00:07:12,933
But if it makes you
feel any better, I'll use it
to hassle some white people.
111
00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:15,703
The hell makes you think
you're gonna use it anymore?
112
00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:17,938
You're the one that got
our stolen badge stolen.
113
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:21,475
Look, I found it. It's mine.
And nobody can use it
anymore except me.
114
00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:23,811
Oh, hell, no.
Let go, Joy!
115
00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:26,814
No! Let go!
I want it!
116
00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:29,717
You let go!
No! You let go!
117
00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:32,085
[ Earl Narrating ]
It was then and there we knew
the badge was too powerful.
118
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:34,655
It had turned us
against each other.
119
00:07:37,090 --> 00:07:39,693
We had to get rid of it
before it destroyed us.
120
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,569
But karma didn't want me
to get rid of it.
121
00:07:49,737 --> 00:07:51,872
Karma wanted me to give it back.
122
00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:54,074
Number 127 on my list--
123
00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:56,544
stole a badge
from a police officer.
124
00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:04,585
The tricky thing
about returning a police badge
that you stole is...
125
00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:06,520
if you're honest,
you go to jail.
126
00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:08,589
I don't like jail.
127
00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:10,624
Well, hello there, uh,
lady Officer.
128
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:13,160
Uh, I was out abiding
laws today,
129
00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:16,530
and I stumbled upon this badge
and would like to return it...
130
00:08:16,564 --> 00:08:19,767
to, uh, the policeman
or woman...
131
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:24,104
from whence it dropped...
132
00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:28,108
off of, indeed.
133
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,579
Oh, I can't believe this.
134
00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:34,748
Hey, guys, look whose badge
just walked in.
135
00:08:34,782 --> 00:08:37,050
[ Earl Narrating ]
It turned out
the four lady cops were sisters,
136
00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:39,687
and their brother
was also on the force.
137
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,089
A brother who kept his badge in
his street shoes when he bowled,
138
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:45,726
because the sharp edges
poked him on his follow-through.
139
00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:49,062
As soon as he saw
his shoes were gone,
his heart sunk.
140
00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:53,701
You see, one of the most
embarrassing things...
141
00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:56,770
that can happen
to a police officer
is to lose his badge.
142
00:08:56,804 --> 00:09:00,273
It's even more embarrassing
when your fellow officers
are your sisters,
143
00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:06,246
and the captain of the precinct
happens to be your mother.
144
00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:14,021
"Stud Police."
Where did you get that?
145
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,956
Spencer's Gifts.
When?
146
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:19,993
After I lost mine...
two weeks ago.
147
00:09:20,027 --> 00:09:22,830
[ Sighs ]
I love you, Mom.
148
00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:29,169
I mean, Captain.
149
00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:31,639
[ Earl Narrating ]
After we stole Stuart's badge,
he got demoted...
150
00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,774
to the worst post
a cop can have--
151
00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:35,809
watching a highway rest stop.
152
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:41,214
There's no toilet paper
in the ladies' bathroom.
153
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:44,017
[ Sighs ]
I'm sorry, ma'am.
That's not my jurisdiction.
154
00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:47,354
I'm a policeman, not a janitor.
I'm here for crimes.
155
00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:49,857
Fine. Then the toilet paper's
been stolen.
156
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:52,059
I'd like to file a report.
157
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:01,068
Just take one roll.
158
00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:06,807
The toilet's clogged up
in here!
159
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,843
I'm not a janitor!
But it's clogged!
160
00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:23,290
[ Earl Narrating ]
Seeing Stuart so humiliated
made me realize...
161
00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:26,760
I didn't just
take away the man's badge,
I took away his dignity.
162
00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:29,329
I had to find a way to get him
his career back.
163
00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:32,065
We just need to make Stuart
look like a good cop again.
164
00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:35,836
You know, by, uh, catching
a criminal or something.
165
00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:38,371
[ Earl Narrating ]
Luckily, finding a criminal
in the Crab Shack wasn't hard.
166
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,746
Hey! What are you doing
with my French fries?
167
00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:49,082
Spit 'em out.
Spit 'em out!
168
00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:53,020
[ Earl Narrating ]
Creepy Rodney.
Perfect.
169
00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:56,990
We had watched Officer Stuart
and knew he was always
at the diner at 4:30.
170
00:10:57,024 --> 00:11:00,728
All I had to do
was bait the hook.
171
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:04,698
All right, here's the plan.
We're gonna make a killin'
on this robbery.
172
00:11:04,732 --> 00:11:07,701
[ Earl Narrating ]
We talked about how easy it was
gonna be to rob the diner.
173
00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:11,471
And we made sure
Rodney heard that the job
had to happen at 4:35.
174
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:15,108
'Cause that's when the old
blind lady drags the sacks
of money across the floor.
175
00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:17,878
And, just so everyone
knows we're serious,
176
00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:20,013
we'll wave this baby around.
177
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:33,426
This is the best criminal plan
you ever thought of, Earl.
178
00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:36,196
Thank you, Randy.
Now, as is customary,
179
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:39,032
before we pull off a big job,
let's close our eyes and pray.
180
00:11:53,981 --> 00:11:58,986
Good. He's got the gun.
Nice acting, Randy. Randy?
181
00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:03,023
And I want a puppy,
but not just any puppy,
a puppy that does tricks.
182
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:06,927
And please make it warmer in
the motel at night, or at least
let me find my thick socks.
183
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:10,363
And if it wouldn't freak
people out too much,
let me live forever.
184
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:14,067
- Amen.
- We're not gettin'
a puppy, Randy.
185
00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:17,237
[ Earl Narrating ]
The next day,
the plan went like clockwork.
186
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:19,907
[ Bell Jingles ]
187
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,143
4:30. Right on time.
188
00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:26,479
[ Earl Narrating ]
And five minutes later--
189
00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:29,983
Perfect.
You put blanks in Rodney's
gun, right?
190
00:12:30,017 --> 00:12:32,886
Yep.
What about
Officer Stuart's gun?
191
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,955
Does it have blanks too?
192
00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:47,100
[ Gunshots ]
[ People Screaming ]
193
00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:50,804
[ Earl Narrating ] The plan
didn't count on one thing:
Rodney was at the center of it.
194
00:12:50,838 --> 00:12:54,141
And Rodney was just insane
enough to get himself killed.
195
00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:58,311
- Everybody freeze!
- [ Screaming ]
196
00:12:58,345 --> 00:13:01,048
[ Screaming ]
[ Gunshots ]
197
00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:02,850
[ Gunshots Continue ]
198
00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:07,921
[ Gun Clicking ]
199
00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:10,991
Get out! Come on!
[ Clamoring ]
200
00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:15,228
[ Gun Clicking ]
201
00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:17,397
[ Earl Narrating ]
At that moment,
I knew two things:
202
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,466
Making Stuart a hero
wasn't gonna be easy,
203
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:22,235
and Rodney really,
really needed to be in jail.
204
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:28,608
Maybe we could get Stuart
to be a hero...
205
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:32,045
by throwin' him into that tank
at the aquarium and makin' him
wrestle an octopus.
206
00:13:32,079 --> 00:13:35,048
That wouldn't make him a hero
unless the octopus
was committing a crime.
207
00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:40,988
We're not gonna start thinking
of ways to get an octopus
to commit a crime,
208
00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:43,056
'cause that has failure
written all over it.
209
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:45,258
I can't believe this.
210
00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:48,295
That grunt Rodney
just got into my car
and licked my steering wheel.
211
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:51,631
- How am I supposed
to get home now?
- Yeah, that is a pickle.
212
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:55,168
- I thought you guys were gonna
get him put in jail.
- We're trying. You wanna help?
213
00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:02,442
So as people bowl,
they're looking over here,
214
00:14:02,475 --> 00:14:05,045
so we can steal their shoes,
which are over here.
215
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:07,147
Then we'll be rich.
Yeah.
216
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,582
Richer than
"What You Talkin' 'Bout's"
white daddy.
217
00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:13,120
[ Earl Narrating ]
This plan had to work.
218
00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:16,489
I figured if Stuart
wasn't comfortable enough
to be a hero at the diner,
219
00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:18,625
well, maybe he'd feel
more comfortable in the place...
220
00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:20,627
he spent most of all
his free time--
221
00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:22,462
the bowling alley.
222
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:32,339
[ Man On P.A. ]
Ed, line two.
Ed, line two.
223
00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:42,515
Help! Help!
That man stole my shoes!
224
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:47,420
Police! Excuse me.
225
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:50,523
Do you know where I
can find a policeman? I have
been the victim of a crime.
226
00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:54,561
[ Scoffs ]
Forget it.
227
00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:56,964
I gotta catch that moron
before he starts
lickin' my shoes.
228
00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:05,505
What's wrong with you?
Excuse me?
229
00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:08,508
That man just stole
people's shoes. You're a cop.
Chase him. Take him down.
230
00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:12,112
I'm not a cop.
Yes, you are.
231
00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:15,282
Your name is
Officer Stuart Daniels.
You work at a rest stop.
232
00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:18,685
You got toilet paper
in your trunk
and a plunger under your seat.
233
00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:21,488
All right, all right.
I'm a cop, okay?
Just not a very good one.
234
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:24,157
Now, leave me alone.
I came here to bowl.
235
00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:26,459
If I wanted to get yelled at,
I'd go to my mom's.
236
00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:31,264
[ Earl Narrating ]
I caught up with Stuart,
237
00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:35,002
and, thinking I was
just a fellow bowler,
he let me buy him some pie.
238
00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:38,471
I love pie. And as people do
when they eat pie, we talked.
239
00:15:38,505 --> 00:15:42,409
He told me a story.
Apparently, being a cop
wasn't Stuart's idea.
240
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:47,147
[ Handcuffs Clicking ]
241
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,484
It was his mom's.
242
00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:57,991
And even though being a cop
was in his blood,
243
00:15:58,025 --> 00:16:00,160
it just wasn't in his heart.
244
00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:14,974
The only time
he felt good about himself
was when he was bowling.
245
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:28,688
[ Bowling Pins Clattering ]
246
00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:32,492
And he should have felt good,
'cause he was the best around.
247
00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:36,096
The only thing
I ever really wanted to be
was a professional bowler.
248
00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:38,098
[ Earl Narrating ]
And that's when I realized,
249
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:40,267
karma brought me here
to help Stuart's career,
250
00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:42,302
but not his police career.
251
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:45,072
Then that's what
you should do.
What?
252
00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:47,340
Be a pro bowler.
[ Scoffs ]
Yeah.
253
00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:49,642
I mean it.
You only got one life, Stuart.
254
00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:52,445
You may as well spend it
doing what you love.
255
00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:54,647
Besides, you're a much better
bowler than you are a cop.
256
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:57,717
I suck at police work.
Plus, I have to pay...
257
00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:59,752
for that toilet paper
I give away at the rest stop.
258
00:16:59,786 --> 00:17:02,222
I don't really think
that's fair.
259
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:10,130
You know what? Why not?
I'm gonna go for it.
260
00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:12,599
I'm gonna quit the force
and try to become
a professional bowler.
261
00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:16,236
Good for you, Stuart.
262
00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:19,472
[ Earl Narrating ]
I may not have gotten Stuart
his police career back,
263
00:17:19,506 --> 00:17:22,175
but maybe that's not
what karma had in mind.
264
00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:25,312
He finally decided to do
what he wanted with his life.
265
00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:29,249
And so, I could cross
him off my list.
What's that?
266
00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:33,820
Aw, what the hell?
You're not gonna
be a cop anymore.
267
00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:38,491
I was the one
who stole your badge.
268
00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:41,128
[ Earl Narrating ]
And so, I told him
about my list...
269
00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:43,496
and showed him all
the bad things I'd done.
270
00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:49,269
Wow. There's a crime on here.
A couple felonies.
271
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:52,439
This list is like
a confession.
I guess it is.
272
00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:56,809
But one by one, I'm crossing
'em off, and one day
I'll have a better life.
273
00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:59,546
W-What are you doing?
I'm arresting you.
274
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:02,815
But you're gonna be
a pro bowler.
Bowlers don't arrest people.
275
00:18:02,849 --> 00:18:05,718
They bowl.
They-They bowl and people cheer.
What about your dream?
276
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:08,788
That's the problem.
It's just a dream.
This list is real.
277
00:18:08,821 --> 00:18:12,125
I turn you in,
and not only do I get to
stop working at the rest stop,
278
00:18:12,159 --> 00:18:13,893
they might even
make me lieutenant.
279
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:16,163
But-- But you-- But--
280
00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:19,532
[ Earl Narrating ]
I couldn't believe it.
I was going to jail.
281
00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:23,636
I was finally gonna pay
the ultimate price for
all the bad things I've done.
282
00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:28,341
Karma had a plan for me,
and if this was it,
I wasn't gonna fight it.
283
00:18:28,375 --> 00:18:30,377
I was ready to face the music.
[ Mouthing Words ]
284
00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:35,715
My feet, on the other hand,
had a different opinion.
285
00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:52,332
[ Bowling Pins Clattering ]
[ Grunting ]
286
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,610
Look, do me a favor.
287
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:06,846
Don't tell my new cell mate
how you took me down.
288
00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:10,317
[ Handcuffs Clicking ]
What are you doing?
289
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:15,622
When you ran away,
I didn't reach for my gun.
290
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:18,558
I reached for my bowling ball.
291
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:20,427
I'm a bowler, Earl.
292
00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:27,934
Well, then,
you should take this.
293
00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:32,805
Thank you.
You should take this.
294
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:35,508
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa! No.
295
00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:38,745
Maybe you should hang onto this.
They may want you to turn it in
when you quit.
296
00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:40,713
Oh, yeah.
297
00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:46,353
Good luck with
the rest of your list, Earl.
298
00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:49,356
[ Earl Narrating ]
Maybe Stuart was destined
to do what he wanted to do.
299
00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:52,525
Maybe all of us
eventually take the journey
we're supposed to take.
300
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,470
Even Rodney.
301
00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:11,678
Let's lose the shirts, ladies.
302
00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:20,487
[ Earl Narrating ]
Rodney was also on a journey
to where he was supposed to go.
303
00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:25,558
[ Siren Wailing ]
304
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:32,932
Oh, snap!
305
00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:39,439
I'm gonna need
that jacket, dummy.
306
00:20:44,311 --> 00:20:46,245
Thank you.
25223
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