Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:03,671
You know the kind of guy
who does nothing
but bad things...
2
00:00:03,704 --> 00:00:06,674
and then wonders why
his life sucks?
3
00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:11,112
Well, that was me.
Every time somethin' good
happened to me,
4
00:00:11,145 --> 00:00:13,247
somethin' bad
was always waitin'
around the corner.
5
00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:17,051
Karma.
6
00:00:17,085 --> 00:00:19,187
That's when I realized
I had to change.
7
00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:23,357
So I made a list
of everything bad
I've ever done,
8
00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:26,327
and, one by one,
I'm gonna make up
for all my mistakes.
9
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,329
I'm just tryin'
to be a better person.
10
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:31,199
My name is Earl.
11
00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:34,802
[ Earl Narrating ]
As important as it is for me
to cross things off my list,
12
00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:38,306
it's also important
to take time out to enjoy
the finer things in life,
13
00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:42,476
like jumpin' a tiny motorcycle
over my brother's head.
14
00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:46,180
I'm excited.
I'm gonna stick my tongue out
to see if he touches it.
15
00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:50,218
But you gotta tell me what
it looks like 'cause I'm too
scared to keep my eyes open.
16
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:56,357
Earl, we got a problem.
17
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:58,759
- Ow.
- Jesse's back.
18
00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:03,131
[ Earl Narrating ]
The Jesse Joy was talkin'
about was my ex-girlfriend.
19
00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:05,733
She was also number 145
on my list.
20
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:08,269
I first met Jesse
at her workplace.
21
00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:11,239
In business terms, I was what
they call a repeat customer.
22
00:01:11,272 --> 00:01:15,576
You keep this up, I'm gonna
have to rename this place
Hickey Bail Bonds.
23
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:19,680
Well, as an investor, I'm gonna
have to ask you to institute
a no nut-kicking policy. Ow!
24
00:01:22,150 --> 00:01:24,552
Ooh!
[ Chuckles ]
Sorry about that.
25
00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:29,157
Here. You can use
my nut ice for your head.
26
00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:31,292
It's only been on
the outside of my pants.
27
00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:33,727
Aren't you a gentleman.
28
00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:36,197
[ Earl Narrating ]
It was love at first sight.
29
00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:40,201
So we started hangin' out.
30
00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:43,837
In fact, Jesse was the first
person to ever let me jump her
with a tiny motorcycle.
31
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,508
She even got along with Randy,
32
00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:50,611
who finally found someone
who enjoyed Mad Libs
as much as he did.
33
00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:54,315
[ Randy ]
Okay, read it back.
Okay.
34
00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:59,920
"Once upon a time, there was
a butt princess who lived
in a beautiful butt castle."
35
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:04,892
[ Laughing ]
"Until one day she was captured
by a fire-breathing butt."
36
00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:07,895
[ Gasping ]
"A beautiful butt castle."
37
00:02:07,928 --> 00:02:10,464
That's just crazy.
38
00:02:10,498 --> 00:02:12,800
[ Earl Narrating ]
Things were goin' so well,
39
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:15,203
she even gave me a three-week
anniversary present.
40
00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:19,640
Oh, my God!
Metallica tickets!
41
00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:21,842
Third row!
That's close enough
to get sweat on.
42
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:26,414
I know.
I'll see you later.
43
00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:28,616
[ Earl Narrating ]
Me and Jesse
had a good thing goin'.
44
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,818
And it was all happenin'
pretty fast.
45
00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:34,255
But, not as fast as it happened
later that night with Joy.
46
00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:38,726
In just seven hours, I went
from havin' a semi-serious
three-week girlfriend...
47
00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:41,895
to bein' the husband
of a pregnant woman whose name
I kept forgettin'.
48
00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:45,799
I thought about callin' Jesse
to talk to her...
49
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,968
and tell her
what I had done.
50
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:51,905
But then I realized
that I'd have to talk to her
and tell her what I had done.
51
00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:53,974
[ Joy ]
Oh, snap.
52
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,877
You got us Metallica tickets
for our honeymoon?
53
00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:59,780
[ Clears Throat ]
Actually, those tickets
are for, uh,
54
00:03:01,249 --> 00:03:04,618
our honeymoon.
Metallica tickets!
55
00:03:04,652 --> 00:03:07,688
I am so takin' off my panties
and sittin' on your shoulders.
56
00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:09,657
That might upset
the people behind us.
57
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,960
There ain't
nobody behind us.
58
00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:18,899
[ Earl Narrating ]
If tellin' Jesse it was over
was difficult before,
59
00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:22,536
our Metallica honeymoon
had made it impossible.
60
00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:25,339
Great concert.
Baby liked it too.
61
00:03:25,373 --> 00:03:27,808
He's still bangin' his tiny
fists on my cootie wall.
62
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:29,943
He's gonna be a drummer.
63
00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:32,413
[ Earl Narrating ]
But Jesse eventually
tracked me down,
64
00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:35,949
which wasn't hard
because there were
two places I like to drink.
65
00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:38,952
And since I wasn't
in my El Camino,
well, she found me.
66
00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:45,759
Hide me.
67
00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:48,329
Sweetie,
where have you been?
68
00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:50,698
Are you okay?
I've been tryin'
to reach you for days.
69
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,800
Yeah, I, uh--
70
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:55,269
You went to the concert
without me?
71
00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:58,005
Now, honey,
why would he take you?
It was our honeymoon trip.
72
00:03:58,038 --> 00:04:01,542
Look, Lars even
signed my baby hump.
73
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,511
What is she talking
about, "honeymoon"?
74
00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:05,779
It's actually
a pretty funny story. Uh--
75
00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:08,816
We got married, sweetheart.
Read it and weep.
76
00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:11,051
That's not the funny version.
77
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:14,355
You married... this whore?
78
00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:16,457
I'm sorry.
Maybe you need
to read it again.
79
00:04:21,329 --> 00:04:23,431
Now, put those teeth
under your pillow,
80
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:26,300
and maybe the tooth fairy
will bring you your own man.
81
00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:28,836
[ Earl Narrating ]
I felt bad about Jesse,
but what was I gonna do?
82
00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:31,439
I was married now, and after
seein' my wife's left hook,
83
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:34,041
I decided it was best
to stay on her good side.
84
00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:36,910
And I figured six years later
Jesse would have
forgotten about me...
85
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:39,613
and what Joy did to her,
but I was wrong.
86
00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:43,584
Okay, we got Hank Lange,
broke out of jail.
Look's like 10 G's.
87
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:48,356
Our buddy, Ralph Mariano.
Larceny of a dog,
resisting arrest. 1,200.
88
00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:50,891
Joy Turner, formerly known
as Joy Hickey.
89
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:54,795
[ Lisping ]
Did you just say Joy Hickey?
90
00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:58,366
Yeah, Joy Hickey.
Failure to appear on
a traffic ticket. 200.
91
00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:01,969
- I'll take this one.
- Not worth our time.
92
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:03,904
It's worth mine.
93
00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:08,942
[ Earl Narrating ]
Even though Joy's bounty
was 200 bucks...
94
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:12,780
and a bounty hunter
license was 250,
Jesse took the loss.
95
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:14,915
She wasn't in it
for the money.
96
00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:16,950
She could have gone
after Joy right then,
97
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:19,019
but she didn't want
to bring her in.
98
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:21,054
She wanted to
bring her down.
[ Grunts ]
99
00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:26,794
[ Grunting ]
100
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,597
[ Earl Narrating ]
And so she set out
to get tough.
101
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:31,765
Tough enough that she wouldn't
be humiliated again.
102
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,708
Eighteen.
103
00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:45,613
Nineteen.
104
00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:51,485
[ Meowing ]
105
00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:54,087
I'll feed you
in a second, Lolly!
106
00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:57,591
Twenty.
107
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:10,904
- Now finish him!
- [ Screams ]
108
00:06:10,938 --> 00:06:12,840
[ Man Groans ]
109
00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:19,179
[ Growling ]
110
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:22,115
[ Grunts ]
111
00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:24,452
[ Earl Narrating ]
And after a few months,
112
00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:27,988
that sweet secretary
had turned into an ass-kickin'
bounty-huntin' machine.
113
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:32,460
[ Both Shouting ]
114
00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:48,742
[ Screams ]
115
00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:55,082
I like that Wonderbug.
I wish we had a car that flew.
Hmm.
116
00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:57,785
I wish we had a car we didn't
have to start with a spoon.
117
00:06:57,818 --> 00:07:00,654
It seems a shame to waste your
wish on somethin' that small.
118
00:07:00,688 --> 00:07:03,857
[ Man ]
Bounty hunter!
Bounty hunter?
119
00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:08,095
Bounty hunter!
Bounty hunter!
120
00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:11,499
Bounty hunter!
Bounty hunter!
121
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:15,936
Bounty hunter!
122
00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:18,706
Bounty hunter!
123
00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:21,909
Bounty!
Bounty hunter!
124
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,944
Oh, crap.
125
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,714
- Hey! Hey!
- What?
126
00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:29,449
Where's Joy Turner?
I got a warrant for her arrest.
127
00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:34,988
I gotta go.
Quick, give me the car spoon.
128
00:07:35,022 --> 00:07:37,558
[ Earl Narrating ]
Since Joy didn't
want to go to jail,
129
00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:39,960
she hightailed it over to me
lookin' for some help.
130
00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:43,931
Jesse, huh?
Yeah. She looks tough, and
she's got a shotgun with her.
131
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:46,099
She could toss me in the air
and shoot me like skeet.
132
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:50,003
[ Earl Narrating ]
That's when I knew I had to
do number 145 on my list--
133
00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:52,005
ditched Jesse to marry Joy.
134
00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:54,742
Earl, do we have
any scissors?
135
00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:56,844
This motorcycle's startin'
to hurt my head skin.
136
00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:07,555
I don't understand this, Joy.
How can Jesse take you to jail?
137
00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:10,858
I got a warrant out
for not appearin' in court
for a stupid traffic ticket.
138
00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:13,126
I mean, just 'cause
the car's stuck in reverse...
139
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,228
don't mean the kids
don't have to go to school.
140
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:17,631
This is all your fault, Earl.
141
00:08:17,665 --> 00:08:20,868
I know it is.
I shouldn't have left her
the way I did.
142
00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:23,136
I guess she never
got over me.
[ Hair Rips ]
143
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,573
[ Exhales ]
It's probably the mustache.
144
00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:29,543
Don't worry, Joy.
I'll go talk to her.
145
00:08:29,577 --> 00:08:33,714
- Maybe you should shave first.
- Randy, that is not an option.
146
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:36,249
You wanna play Mad Libs?
147
00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:40,087
Yeah. Here's a Mad Lib.
Shut the blank up.
148
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,956
Shut the "butt" up.
Do another one.
149
00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:46,960
[ Earl Narrating ]
Meanwhile, Darnell was busy
tryin' to stall Jesse.
150
00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:49,863
- Hey, Crab Man.
- Hey, Earl.
151
00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:52,566
- Where is she?
- She's in the bedroom
tearin' things up,
152
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,602
lookin' for clues
and whatnot.
153
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:56,770
I'm totally freakin' out.
Can you tell?
154
00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:58,706
- Not really.
- I had a little cocktail.
155
00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:09,883
Hey, Jesse.
156
00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:13,687
Wow, you look,
uh, intense.
157
00:09:13,721 --> 00:09:16,657
[ No Lisp ]
Thank you.
158
00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:20,027
- Where is she, Earl?
- I don't know.
159
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,596
You're lying.
I'm trained to spot liars.
160
00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:26,033
I'm not lyin'.
Seriously, I took a seminar
at the Marriott.
161
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,602
I sat in the front row.
You're lying.
162
00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:30,604
I'm gonna ask you
one more time.
163
00:09:30,638 --> 00:09:34,307
Where is she, Earl?
164
00:09:34,341 --> 00:09:38,846
Look, Jesse, I'm the one who
dumped you for another girl,
and I'm sorry about it.
165
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:41,749
I'll make it up to you.
I'll pay off your dentist bill.
166
00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:45,085
Or your jeweler bill
or whoever put those in.
167
00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:47,187
This isn't about you.
168
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:51,224
This is about respect
for the law...
169
00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:54,094
and me knockin' that bitch's
teeth out for resisting.
170
00:09:58,398 --> 00:10:00,200
[ Exhales ]
171
00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:05,405
Are you scared
to go to jail?
172
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:07,675
Wouldn't you be?
Not really.
173
00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:10,243
You're goin' to girl jail.
That's way different
than regular jail.
174
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:13,313
- How so?
- 'Cause it's chicks.
175
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:16,917
It's just truth or dare
and pillow fights.
Like a slumber party.
176
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:20,053
Did you talk to her?
Is she gonna take me to jail?
177
00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:22,823
Not right away.
She's plannin' on knockin'
your teeth out first.
178
00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:24,992
I can't lose my teeth, Earl.
179
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:28,095
I'm gonna be the first woman
in my family to get to 30
with all my originals.
180
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:31,799
Relax, Joy.
She doesn't know where we are.
I'll figure somethin' out.
181
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:37,671
I need to calm down.
Give me a light.
182
00:10:37,705 --> 00:10:40,140
If you're gettin' locked up,
you should save your cigarettes.
183
00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:44,344
They're like money in jail.
And that's the same for boy jail
and girl jail.
184
00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:46,413
That's weird. I had
a book of matches in here.
185
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:49,382
[ Banging ]
186
00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:54,354
Joy!
187
00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:56,857
I know you're hiding her
in there, Earl!
188
00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:02,195
She picked my pocket.
189
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:04,397
I know you're in there, Earl.
190
00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:07,735
I can tell by the light
flickering behind the peephole
every time you move your head.
191
00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:10,971
I learned that
at the Marriott too.
192
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:14,307
We're goin' out
to the R.V. in the woods.
Call us when she's gone.
193
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:17,911
- How am I supposed to call
if she makes me dead?
- [ Jesse ] Joy!
194
00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:21,148
Come on, come on, come on!
195
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:25,418
[ Banging ]
196
00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:35,028
- Hey, Jesse.
- Hi, Randy. Nice to see you.
197
00:11:35,062 --> 00:11:37,831
You look great.
Are you doing something
different with your hair?
198
00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:40,033
I switched shampoo.
199
00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:44,772
Well, it's workin' out
for you.
200
00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:51,979
Hey, have you seen
your brother or Joy?
201
00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:53,981
No.
202
00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:06,326
[ Earl Narrating ]
Back in the day,
when Joy and I wanted...
203
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:08,962
to get away from the hustle
and bustle of Camden,
204
00:12:08,996 --> 00:12:11,531
we went to our vacation home
we found by the lake.
205
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:15,235
The fact that it was
an abandoned R.V. meant
there were no bills to pay,
206
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:19,206
but it also meant there were
no keys and it had mushrooms
growin' in the carpet.
207
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:27,047
Whoo!
It's colder in here
than it is outside.
208
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,849
I'll try to find us
some blankets.
209
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:37,524
[ Both Screaming ]
210
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:43,263
[ Earl Narrating ] Turns out
a homeless man had claimed
our vacation home away from us,
211
00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:45,332
and he wasn't leavin'
without a bribe.
212
00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:49,803
I want a pair of shoes
and a 35-second hug
from the cute one.
213
00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:52,973
All right.
Sounds fair.
214
00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:55,442
[ Earl Narrating ]
What we didn't realize
at the time was...
215
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:58,345
the shoes he wanted
were Joy's,
216
00:12:58,378 --> 00:13:01,148
and the one he wanted
a hug from was me.
217
00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:17,931
Thanks for
the jacket, Earl.
218
00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:21,268
If anyone deserves
to be cold, it's me.
219
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:25,405
[ Cell Phone Ringing ]
220
00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:28,475
It's your brother.
Hello?
221
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:30,944
I wanna start out
by sayin' I'm sorry.
222
00:13:30,978 --> 00:13:33,881
No, no, no.
Randy, did you tell her
where we were?
223
00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:36,884
I'm sorry, Earl.
She found my weakness.
224
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:39,319
[ Screaming ]
[ Earl Narrating ]
Meanwhile, at the motel,
225
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:41,989
Jesse was workin' Randy,
tryin' to find out
where me and Joy were.
226
00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:44,491
They're in the R.V.!
They're in the R.V.!
227
00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:46,526
They're in--
[ Grunts ]
228
00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:50,163
Okay. Don't worry.
We're not gonna let her
take you to jail.
229
00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:52,399
Here's what we'll do.
I'll drive you to Goshen.
230
00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:56,203
There's an old barn
out there me and Ralph used to
hide out in, Ponyboy style.
231
00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:59,472
If I'm gonna sleep in a barn,
I might as well go to jail.
232
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,508
You're right.
We'll find you
a motel around here.
233
00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:03,944
Earl.
No, don't worry.
I'll pay.
234
00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:06,113
No, Earl,
you're not gonna pay.
Yes, I am.
235
00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:08,148
Look, I got enough
for the first night.
236
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:11,084
I'll go back to my place
to get more.
Earl, just stop.
237
00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:13,153
You don't have to
do any more, Earl.
238
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:15,288
Look, you snuck me
all the way up here.
239
00:14:15,322 --> 00:14:17,390
You gave me your jacket
and your shoes.
240
00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:21,661
You did some gay stuff
with a homeless guy.
You've done enough already.
241
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:24,531
But this whole thing's
my fault, Joy.
It's on my list.
242
00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:27,968
I ditched Jesse
to run off with you.
243
00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:29,636
Earl, you didn't run off.
244
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,206
I stole you.
245
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,442
[ Earl Narrating ]
It seems Joy's lyin'
and deceivin' me...
246
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:37,310
had started
before we even met.
247
00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:39,246
I'll see you later.
248
00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:44,217
Y'all, I'm serious.
I don't know how I'm gonna
pay for this baby.
249
00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:46,286
I don't even have
a place to live.
250
00:14:46,319 --> 00:14:48,655
If I don't find a man soon,
I'm screwed.
251
00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:53,393
How about that guy?
He looks sweet.
252
00:14:57,197 --> 00:15:00,968
That boy? Y'all, just 'cause
I'm pregnant don't mean
I'm gonna marry Corky.
253
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,372
What's this?
Hold the phone.
254
00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:10,243
Don't do it, baby.
Don't do it.
255
00:15:10,277 --> 00:15:13,646
Don't lick the chalk.
Put it down.
256
00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:24,191
He's perfect.
But y'all gonna have to
get him ready for me first.
257
00:15:24,224 --> 00:15:28,028
[ Earl Narrating ] There's only
one way to get a guy like me
ready to marry a pregnant woman.
258
00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:32,232
[ Crowd Chanting ]
Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!
259
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:35,568
Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!
Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!
260
00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:45,145
[ Slurred ]
Your girls are great.
261
00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:47,714
You girls are great, 'cause--
262
00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:50,117
[ Laughs ]
263
00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:52,619
Wait. What were we--
What were we talkin' about?
264
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:57,590
- I think he's ready.
- Boo, if you think we're great,
you gonna love our friend Joy.
265
00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,659
Joy, huh?
266
00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:02,295
She sounds great.
267
00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:08,568
Oh, no, you didn't!
Tell me you didn't
just go old school.
268
00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:23,716
Hey.
Hey.
269
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:26,486
[ Earl Narrating ]
And that right there
was all it took.
270
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:31,191
The next mornin',
I had a hangover
and Joy had a husband.
271
00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:36,529
Oh, my God.
You're married?
272
00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:40,133
Yeah, sweetie.
To you.
273
00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:42,001
Excuse me.
274
00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:53,746
Hey, Robin.
275
00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:56,516
Guess who don't have to
move into the shelter
with you anymore.
276
00:16:56,549 --> 00:16:59,452
My baby's got a daddy.
[ Giggles ]
277
00:16:59,486 --> 00:17:02,355
[ Earl Narrating ]
For a minute I wondered if,
once again,
278
00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:04,624
I had drunk nine months
of my life away.
279
00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:10,263
Wow. I, uh--
Wow.
280
00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:14,201
Look, Earl,
you have a lot of bad stuff
you done on that list,
281
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:17,370
but what happened
to Jesse was my fault.
282
00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:19,306
It shouldn't be on there.
283
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,582
Thanks, Joy.
284
00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:33,220
I'm sorry for trickin' you
into marryin' me...
285
00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:35,722
while I was carryin'
another man's baby,
286
00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:38,858
and for havin' yet
another man's baby,
287
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,528
and for leavin' you
while you were
in the hospital,
288
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:44,331
and some other stuff.
289
00:17:45,632 --> 00:17:48,501
You know what?
It's okay.
290
00:17:48,535 --> 00:17:52,071
We had a rough six years
together, but there were
a lot of parts I loved.
291
00:17:54,307 --> 00:17:56,509
There were a lot of parts
I loved too.
292
00:18:12,659 --> 00:18:14,827
Earl?
Give me another minute.
293
00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:17,464
Just tryin' to get that gay
homeless guy out of my mind.
294
00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:22,669
[ Earl Narrating ]
I was proud of Joy
for turnin' herself in.
295
00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:24,904
She was on the road
to a better life.
296
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:28,208
Unfortunately, that road
had Jesse's Suburban in it.
297
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:31,644
Crap, crap, crap.
298
00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:42,822
- Let me go talk to her.
- Earl.
299
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:48,361
You done enough
takin' care of me.
You stay here.
300
00:18:48,395 --> 00:18:50,463
I'm gonna go take care
of this by myself.
301
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:08,448
Look, Jesse.
I'm turnin' myself in.
302
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,717
There is no need
for any violence.
303
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:15,288
We both know this isn't
about you going to jail.
304
00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:17,156
Say good-bye
to your teeth, bitch.
305
00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:22,595
[ Spits ]
306
00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:54,761
[ Groans ]
307
00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:57,297
[ Shouting, Indistinct ]
308
00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:03,570
[ Screams ]
309
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:35,835
Where the hell did you learn
to fight like that?
310
00:20:35,868 --> 00:20:38,505
I watch a lot of Springer.
311
00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:41,641
Here.
Melt these down.
Bail me out.
312
00:20:41,674 --> 00:20:45,312
[ Panting ]
313
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,948
[ Engine Starts ]
24613
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof