Original subtitles

How much is that doggy in the windmill?

Ha!

Hey, good boy!

Tohru: Chan!

The ta... talisman?

Uh, what talisman?

The one the dragons indicate.

Oh! This talisman!

Grr!

You know, tohru,

you really should consider

coming over to the good side.

Section 13 has a marvelous dental plan,

and every Thursday is donut day.

Unh!

Jackie: Whoa! Uhh!

Unh! Grr!

Argh!

Thank you. Bye-bye. Have a nice day!

(Seeker turns off)

Chan!

Aah! Unh!

(Seeker malfunctioning)

Hmm?

Time to walk the dog.

(Telephone ringing)

Jackie: Hello?

Jumping jackal? It's me... Fearless hyena.

Jade? Shh!

Wise old goat roams near.

What?

Ancient rabbit has very long ears.

What are you talking about?!

It's uncle's birthday!

Where are you?

Ugh! My flight had a layover

in Bavaria.

If I never see Bavaria again...

Jackal, this isn't about you.

Don't worry, Jade.

My plane will arrive in plenty of time

for "operation: Surprise"

cool! So, what did you get him?

Uh...

P.A.: Flight 19 to San Francisco

is now boarding.

Uh, that's me! See you soon! Bye!

Chocolate, cheese...

Lederhosen? Oh!

Bavaria!

(Hip-hop music playing on radio)

Jade? Jade!

Jade!!

Ugh!

Uncle, you scared me.

And the rock and roll noise

is scaring away the customers.

Tsk! It's hip-hop, duh!

Come on, uncle coolio. I'll teach you some moves.

Ugh! My hip does not hop.

Sure it does.

You just gotta move with the grandmaster groove.

Ohh!

(Uncle moans)

Ohh!

I am like that antique.

Uh, valuable?

Old and brittle.

Jade & Jackie: Happy birthday, uncle!

Jade: Heh heh!

I was all possessed that day

but my hair looks good.

And, uh, hey, funny moose!

I will Cherish it, Jade.

What did you bring me?

Jackie: Ta-da!

Oh, chocolate stains my teeth,

and cheese makes my...

Um, none of your business.

Uh... oh!

I brought you one more thing.

It's your sign.

So how old are you, uncle?

Jade! Er, in dog years?

I will do research now.

But, uncle, we have cake!

You have to celebrate!

When I am. Another year younger,

then I will celebrate.

You failed to retrieve the talisman...

And you sat on this.

Shendu: The seeking device was forged by magic.

Such things are hard to come by.

Apologies, master.

Perhaps the time has come

to have a freelancer lead future missions.

No need, master.

I will do better.

Ahh, too late.

Tohru, meet hak foo.

Hmm, black tiger.

He does not look so ferocious.

(Growls)

Angry crow takes flight!

Hyah!

Emu stands on mountain top!

Monkey plucks 2 peaches!

Ye-ahh.

Uh, looks can be deceiving.

"The dog talisman is best friend to man:

"It restores youthful energy to its holder...

And grants eternal life."

Hmm.

Immortality.

Jackie, has uncle always been, like, all,

you know, uncle-y?

No, Jade.

When uncle was young,

he was just like me.

Does that mean you're gonna be grouchy,

constipated, and smell like garlic

when you're uncle's age?

Oh, Jade, respect your elders...

Both of us.

Whaa!

What? What is it?

A talisman...

Made of chocolate.

Jackie: The pig is one of the signs

of the Chinese zodiac that we haven't yet located.

And these ferkel's chocolates

are clearly modeled after the pig talisman.

So once again I am off to Bavaria.

I could use a change of scenery.

I will go with you.

Awesome.

No baby-sitter means I get to go, too.

B-b-b-b-but, uncle,

you never leave the shop.

And what about the dog talisman?

Bah, research can wait.

Hyah!

Whoa.

Ha-cha-cha-cha. So...

What are we waiting for?

The mainframe indicates

that one Mr. chan has purchased

3 airline tickets to Bavaria.

The dark hand jet awaits.

Uh, tohru, be a sport and tag along

in the event hak foo requires your services.

And when you meet our friend Jackie chan?

(Growls)

Smashing melon fist!

(Oompah music playing)

I will do some sleuthing at the chocolate factory, Jade,

but I think it's best that you stay with...

Uncle.

You know, Jade,

they have hip-hop here in Bavaria.

Really?

Yes. They call it oompah.

Hmmph!

So, uh...

Where shall we begin our search for the talisman?

I don't know.

You sat on. the seeking device, remember?

Ahem. Well...

The only talismans left to be found

are the tiger and...

The pig.

Remain here and stand watch...

And I mean stand.

Less chance you'll break something.

(Growls)

You see, Mr. chan,

great great grandpapa ferkel

devised a unique method

of melting mass quantities of cocoa beans.

But grandpapa was a superstitious man

and took the secret to his grave.

So, all the modern equipment you see around you

performs essentially the same task,

locking in wholesome chocolatey goodness.

(Yawns) Oh, interesting.

Grandpapa was also a very generous man

and donated the clock tower to the town.

What can you tell me about the pig?

Elwin? Oh, ho ho.

Everyone loves elwinschwein.

Grandpapa considered pigs to be his lucky animal.

No one quite knows why.

Perhaps because he found a pig talisman?

I'm sorry?

Uhh, nothing.

And I thought your hip didn't hop.

Ha-cha-cha-cha. Uncle.

Hello! Cheese?

Yummy.

But cheese gums up your...

Something's different about you.

Eeh, like what?

Well, for one thing,

you haven't said "one more thing"

since we got here.

Uhh...

Come on, uncle, please.

You can tell me.

No way.

Way.

Uncle, that is so cool.

It's giving you the power to,

uh, be cool and stuff.

You're gonna keep it, right?

(Thinking) Hmmm.

(Clock chimes)

Jade & uncle: The talisman!

Hak foo: Seeking a talisman?

Only counterfeits here.

Do I know you?

I am hak foo:

The last human. You will ever lay eyes upon.

Mantis boxing style! What?

Serpent pounce technique!

Float like lotus blossom!

What are you talking about?

Sting like scorpion! Aah.

Unh!

Flamingo stance.

Oh, these little piggies went to the market.

Flying dragon corkscrew!

Cat lands on feet and bares claws!

Cat shakes off water.

Cat tears squirrel's head off!

Aah!

Ooh!

Baboon leave tuccus exposed.

(Hak foo snarls)

Hungry crane diving for shrimp!

(Jackie groans)

Black tiger crushes chan.

You, tiger man...

Remove your feet from Jackie.

What's a Jackie?

Take your leave or feel the burn.

You talk the talk,

but can you walk the walk?

Uncle, this guy beat Jackie.

(Hak foo growls)

Monkey plucks 2 peaches!

Huh?

Whoa.

Gorilla snaps frail twig!

Guh-oh, whoo-hoo.

Twig may be frail,

but roots are slippery.

Jackie?

Uncle?

Rabbit punch!

Mule kick! Lobster claw!

Cobra coil! Oyster shuck!

Duck stomp!

Ow.

(Babbles)

Grrrr.

Angry crow takes flight!

Thank you for sharing, angry crow!

Jade, uncle just leapt 20 feet into the air.

Go, uncle!

(Growls)

Hmmm.

Elephant thrusts its leg!

Baaah!

Both: Uncle!

Heh heh.

I meant fist.

Both: Uncle!

Jackie: Uncle, are you ok?

Jade: Say something.

Retire from talisman hunting, chan.

It is a hazardous occupation.

Jade & Jackie: Uncle! Uncle!

Uncle's voice: Uncle!

Uncle!

Yes, uncle?

What happened? You got such a whupping.

Big mouth had a big fist.

One more thing:

There's work to do.

You must acquire the pig talisman

and discover the power it possesses.

But I am dead.

Aiyaaa!

How can you be dead?

You are wearing the immortality talisman.

Oh, right.

One more thing...

(Smack)

Ow!

Uncle, you're ok!

Err, see?

Lots of garlic is good for you.

We must get the pig talisman

before the big mouth finds it.

But we don't know where it is.

Oh, yes we do.

See the oinker at 12 o'clock?

Elwin's sportin' a pork pie hat.

We saw it earlier when the clock chimed.

Huh? Oh, ooh.

Tohru!

Many thanks...

For leading us to the prize.

You are not welcome.

You!

But elephant fist!

Why so afraid?

He is an old man.

Uh-yuh-uh-yuh-uh-yuh!

3 against one. We can take him!

Jade, the talisman.

Uh, right.

You, family-size,

stop the girl! Sit on her!

Do something!

Grrrr!

Tiger slaughters 2 lambs!

You've been working out.

Pfft. Like riding a bicycle.

Unh! Uh!

Unh! Uh! Unh! Uh!

Going up.

Whah!

(Gasps) Jackie!

Give me...

That.

The lucky pig was how grandpapa ferkel

melted his cocoa beans.

Heat-beam eye-blast?

Heat-beam eye-blast!

(Clock chiming)

Time is not on his side.

(Scoffs)

Freelancer.

Heat-beam eye-blast.

Hak foo: Ow.

Save Jade!

Both: Bwaaaaaah!

Aaaaaaaaah!

Whoa! Aaah!

Unh!

Huh. Oh.

(Panting)

Whoo-eee.

I will just go fetch the pig talisman

while I am up.

Uncle...

Explain.

Jackie, thank you for allowing me

to re-experience my youth.

But being young is too dangerous

and exhausting!

Uncle needs a nap.

You earned it, uncle.

See, Jade?

As tohru demonstrated,

one cannot turn back the hands of time.

Jade: Hey, Jackie?

Yes.

Do you know how to cook?

Yes.

I know how to cook an egg

and also a lot of fruits

and water and juice

and... Noodles.

Anything quick.

Scrambled eggs, sunny-side up,

and I can cook toast.

And all kind of eggs.

Actually I am a terrible cook but I love to eat.

If you ask me that's my answer.