Original subtitles

Cough up some cash, twerp.

B-but today's fishsticks.

My mom says I need the protein.

Aah!

Can't eat if you don't got a face.

Be afraid.

Megabully strikes again.

Hey, maynard.

Let go of him.

Beat it, shrimp.

Shrimp?

Let it go, Jade.

Unh.

Put the lunch money down, maynard.

Hey, there's enough here

for fishsticks and pie. Aah.

Ooh. Ooh.

That's gotta sting.

My mom always told me not to hit girls,

but in your case,

I'll make an exception.

Gulp.

Fair warning, maynard:

I am trained in. The ancient art of butt whup.

- Yeah, right. - Zip it, drew.

Go on.

What you gonna do, shrimp?

Grr...

Hyah!

Unh.

Whoa.

Aaahhhh...

That would be Ms. shrimp to you.

[Cheering]

All right. Go, Jade.

What is going on here?

Jade just smacked maynard munson down.

Uh... Ms. Hardman,

I can explain.

Perhaps it's time I had a chat with your guardian, young lady.

Uh... Uncle Jackie's...

Not reachable.

He's on a business trip.

Aah!

Ooohhh...

Unh.

Ahh... Whoo!

Good for the pores.

Heh. Enter the dragon...

Exit Jackie chan.

Aah!

Stay cool, hot stuff.

[Pants] Bad day, bad day, bad day, bad day, bad day.

Yaah!

Very bad day.

[Hissing] Valmont,

where is the dragon talisman?

My men are on it, shendu.

Your men could not find their own shadows,

and your incompetence

continues to stupefy me.

Oh? I'll stupefy you!

Temper, valmont.

The arrogance of that oversized lawn ornament.

Valmont, check it out.

You actually did your job?

Imagine.

You're not stoked?

I'm absolutely giddy.

[Gasps]

Whoa.

Puff the magic dragon.

Whoa. Whoa.

And that's when valmont's men

escaped with the talisman.

You didn't follow them?

They could've led us to valmont himself.

Ach... I was a little preoccupied.

Captain black, the dark hand has the dragon talisman.

If they discover the magic it possesses...

Uh, I said the "m" word, didn't I?

Jackie! I missed you so much.

You look like you had a rough day.

Can I get you a cup of tea, maybe some cookies?

New shoes?

Jade, what did you do?

Jade is in trouble at school.

Cup of tea sounds good, thank you. One more thing...

Your place is too big.

I have to walk very far to find a bathroom!

Uncle, what are you doing here?

Landlord made me leave the shop for 3 days.

Says it must be sprayed for bugs.

This is how I spray for bugs.

Yes, siree, it's a real family affair

here at section 13.

Jade, what kind of trouble at school?

Ms. hardman just wants you to come to a parent-teacher conference.

No biggie. Heh heh.

Sir, the U.S. mint's under siege.

Patch me into their surveillance.

What about tea?

Valmont.

Mobilize!

Let's rock. Unh.

Jade, you are not a secret agent,

and we have a previous engagement.

Remember?

[Sniffs] Hmm...

Hot off the press.

What? It's laundry money.

Company.

Valmont.

The dark hand waves bye-bye, captain black.

Mr. chan, this is not the first time we've had a problem with Jade.

The swinging from gym lamps, stilt walking with ladders,

scaling the building with a fire hose.

Just like Jackie!

He reminds me of a chimpanzee.

Uncle!

Ach. Now, I don't know where Jade learned to fight...

From Jackie.

He's a good teacher.

Uncle, shh.

Ms. hardman, I assure you,

the martial arts. are meant to discipline Jade, not teach her to-

Martial arts, like karate?

Kung fu.

The best self-defense.

Whole body becomes a secret weapon.

Well, you obviously don't provide Jade

with enough discipline, Mr. chan.

So I will have to.

A whole week's detention?!

What a rip.

Jade, maybe now you will remember

that the greatest victory

is the battle not fought.

Unless it is fought

against bugs. Yaah!

Uh, yes, and in your case,

that means watching your temper.

But he called me shrimp.

[Cell phone rings]

Jackie. [Gasps] No!

The doctors say he's lucky to be alive,

if you call that lucky.

Valmont used some sort. Of advanced explosive device.

Powerful stuff.

The dragon talisman.

Who sent these?

Valmont.

Grrr... Aaaahhh!

Simmer down, Jackie.

I am sorry.

I just... Saw red.

Valmont, you were da bomb!

Pun totally intended.

Hey, ain't old dragon breath

gonna start wondering where his rock is?

Pity. It's doing wonders

for our cash flow.

One more heist, big v?

One for the history books.

[Bell rings]

Hey, Jade.

Greatest victory battle not fought.

Greatest victory battle not fought.

Unh.

Hyah!

Don't hurt me.

You're not looking for revenge?

I want you to teach me

the ancient art of butt whup.

T'ch, so you can be a better bully?

Dream on, maynard.

The martial arts are... Uh... About

finding the strength within

to discipline oneself.

That-that's me.

I lack discipline, really.

Free your mind of all thoughts.

Aiyaaa, there is no privacy here.

I put my bao in the refrigerator, and somebody ate it.

Focus only on your breathing.

Your breathing is slow... Deep.

One more thing:

How is your friend captain black doing?

Grrr... Hyah!

[Panting] I... I need some air.

[Inhales]

Ahh...

[Alarm sounds]

A big rig was just blown to bits

by a well-dressed gentleman.

Where?

Route 64, outside corydon, Indiana.

Speeding distance from fort Knox, Kentucky...

And the U.S. gold reserve.

Mobilize.

I'm going with you.

Uh, Jackie, you're not a secret agent.

You're an archeologist, right?

I know that, Jade.

I'm just going to retrieve a talisman.

His anger clouds his judgment.

I noticed.

[Muffled explosion]

What was that?

This is a restricted area.

Official business.

I need to speak to your commanding officer.

And you would be with?

Section 13.

Who?

The grass is always greener

on the sunnyside of the gopher hole.

Was that always there?

I don't know.

Faster, tohru.

And lift with your legs.

[Grunts]

A shame captain black

won't be visiting today.

I understand he had a doctor's appointment.

Yeah, doctor's appointment, I get it.

Grr... Aah!

Aah. Ooh-ooh.

Chan.

Aah! Unh.

Ohh!

Jackie chan.

Finally we meet.

It was nice knowing you.

Man: Still waiting clearance, over.

Captain black was lucky.

But my aim has improved with practice.

Unh. Ohh...

Uh, you want the other talismans,

don't you, valmont?

Continue.

I will make you a deal.

Show you where section 13 is.

Was that always there?

Uhh...

Aah... Yaah!

Why, you little shrimp.

Grr...

Hyah!

I'm working on it.

Unh.

Ow!

Respect your elders. Unh!

Uncle, how do you spray for bugs?

Oh... Like...

Ow! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh.

One more thing.

Guh!

Hey, big bully!

Eat heavy machinery.

Whoa!

Ratso!

Whoa, Jackie!

Ow!

Heh. Hello, driver's ed.

Unh.

Uncle, what are you doing here?

Making sure you do not lose your temper

and do something foolish.

T'ch, good job, uncle.

Valmont, where are you?

Valmont!

Something is amiss.

Find valmont.

Find my talisman.

Wait here.

Jade.

But valmont's still dragon-powered.

How is Jackie gonna take him down?

By not fighting.

Aaaahhhh!

Glug glug glug.

You really go for the gold, Mr. chan.

Fool's gold.

You know, valmont,

I was wondering...

What is one of these worth?

An all-expenses-paid trip to Melvin world?

You'll pay for that.

What about these?

A new Ferrari?

Chan.

A Summer home? Your own private island to build it on?

A robot Butler for that home?

Rraahhhrr...

Blast.

Jackie.

[Coughs]

[Coughs]

A little help.

Uh, boss, visitors.

That was bad, right?

Heh. Take it easy, boss.

The doctor says you can leave in a few days,

if you rest.

Sir, good to see you up and at 'em.

Salvage operations recovered the bullion from the river bottom.

Valmont?

Which means that dark hand

still possesses the magic talisman.

Jackie, the "m" word.

But you saw it.

The dragon power injured you.

I had valmont in my sights.

Ahh... The rest is a blur.

Ohh...

Shendu, I beg your forgiveness.

You may earn it, valmont.

Rumor tells of a talisman

at the north pole.

Dress warmly.

Ahh...

Free your mind of all thoughts.

Focus only on your breathing.

Gimme the basketball, chump.

Make me, double-dribble breath.

Ach, don't you two know

that the greatest victory is the battle not fought?

I make such a good Jackie.

Jade: Hey, Jackie, what did you wanna be when you were young?

When I was kid?

When I was kid, I wanted to a rich man.

And then I wanted to be a hero.

Fireman. Policeman.

Sometimes I wanted to be a president.

All kinds of things

I know in the real life I cannot be.

So that's why now I really like to be a movie star.

Why? Because I can do whatever I like to do in the movie...

Just by being myself.

Yes.