Original subtitles

Jackie: Please! You must let me have the talisman.

It is only a matter of time

before the dark hand tries to steal it.

We do so appreciate the warning,

Mr., uh, chan, was it?

However, the museum security

has recently been upgraded

to ensure the safety

of the world-famous pink puma diamond.

If we can be trusted to guard

a gem of. Such enormous value,

I'm sure that your dark hand

will present no serious threat.

Ugh!

Ohh!

I'm so sorry! I broke your spy camera...

Spy camera?!

Chan?! You!

Uh, dark hand guy!

Ow! Hey, I'm walking here!

Whoa!

You're planning a heist, aren't you?

When is it?

(Gasps)

(Cell phone ringing) Aah!

(Using deep voice) Uh, yeah?

Valmont: Is reconnaissance complete, ratso?

Uh... Yeah!

Excellent. Then hit the museum at midnight.

Tonight?!

Is there a problem?

Uh... ahem! No, boss!

(Sighs) No problem at all.

Jackie: We can't let him take the talisman.

The magic...

So, what you gonna do?

Sneak into the museum before the bad guys do

and steal the talisman yourself?

Huh?! Steal? What?! Ohh!

That's crazy, Jade.

You're crazy!

You totally are gonna steal it!

Can I come with you, Jackie?

No.

(Whining) Jackie, please!

Tomorrow's Thanksgiving!

It's Thanksgiving Eve.

Where's your Turkey day spirit?

Jade, I really want to spend time with you,

but remember,

you came into my life

the same day as section 13

and the dark hand.

Things have been hectic.

Now, you can't come with me tonight,

but I promise I'll take you

to the parade tomorrow.

All right.

Humph!

Hmm. I said I wouldn't come with.

Didn't say I wouldn't follow.

11:00.

One hour till company arrives.

Mmm! Wintergreen!

Oh, come on!

Oh! Ohh! Ah! Whoo!

Ah! Ohh! Whoo!

(Sighs heavily)

Hi, Jackie! Aah!

No parade for you.

You got in! You are so cool!

I'm not cool! I'm breaking the law.

Uh-huh.

The clock is ticking.

Uh, make yourself useful.

I think this mirror is broken.

Hyah!

Wow! She rules!

Uh, I mean... Go, Jackie.

Hyah! (Gasps)

(Both sigh)

You guys are 20 minutes early!

What guys? I'm an independent.

You're not with the dark hand?

Name's viper.

Both: Someone else is after the talisman?!

Talisman? I just nicked the pink puma.

Wow! When I grow up,

I wanna be just like her!

(Gasps) A criminal?!

A female Jackie chan.

(Sputtering) She is nothing like me!

Uh, what's with the minor?

Some kind of youth outreach program?

Stay out this!

In fact, you are under arrest!

You do realize we'd both go to jail, right?

I am not a crook!

I am an archaeologist!

(Alarm going off) Both: Way to go.

Viper!

Ok, no more "follow the viper".

No problem!

(Sirens approaching)

Whoa! Jackie, we're rich!

Ah! The puma? Ohh! The talisman!

Viper! Come back!

Viper!

Don't go anywhere!

(Gasps) Officer: Freeze! Hands in the air!

Let's rock 'n' roll!

These saps won't know what...

Hit 'em?

Jackie chan? A thief?

Well, perhaps there's hope for him after all.

And what a thief!

I mean, the pink puma.

And the talisman.

Go directly to jail, ratso.

If chan has the talisman,

this will lead you to it.

Uncle on phone: Jackie...

Why did you steal the pink puma?

There is no puma

in the Chinese zodiac.

It has no magic!

I know, uncle. It's complicated.

One more thing... You are a criminal!

You are. a very bad influence on Jade!

I know! That's why I need you

to take the next flight here and...

One more thing...

Oh, wait. I am getting another call.

Oh! No, no, no, no, uncle!

You don't know how to do that!

I... I am only allowed one phone call!

Hello! Uncle's rare finds.

May I help you?

(Dial tone)

Oh!

Officer: Chan, visitor.

Happy Thanksgiving, Jackie!

Jade, are you ok?

The "big meow" is comfy cozy.

What?

"The cat" is in the bag.

What?!

I have the pink puma!

Slipped it in my pocket when you weren't looking.

Guess I sorta... Pulled a viper.

Well, don't pull any more vipers!

She's a bad influence.

In fact, hand the puma over

to the police right now.

Tsk! Like I was gonna bring it in here!

Besides, we need to get the talisman back.

Said so yourself.

I was thinking I could track down viper

and arrange a trade.

We'll meet under a rusty bridge!

Betcha New York has tons of really cool rusty old Bridges!

Jade, captain black should be here

anytime to clear up this whole mess.

Once I'm out of jail,

i will find viper.

Ohh! You get to do all the fun stuff!

This is serious, Jade.

I still don't know what power

the snake talisman possesses.

Viper or the entire city

could be in danger.

Baby face returned

to the scene of the crime?

(Laughs) Why on earth

would he do something so...

Stupid.

What am I supposed to do with this?

(Gasps)

Whoa!

(Viper's footsteps)

Now you see me.

Now you don't.

Hello, bro.

What do you want?

What rock is the legless reptile under?

What?

Tell me where the serpent sleeps.

What are you talking about?

Where's the snake talisman?!

Don't you read the newspaper?

I took the pink puma.

See? No talisman, like the gizmo says.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

my delicious prison food is getting cold.

I'll find it, chan! Just a matter of time!

Huh?

(Footsteps)

(Screams) A ghost!

Viper: Hey, there, baby face. It's me!

Viper? The one and only.

And I discovered your little trinket's secret power.

Oh, really? What does it...

D'oh! Never mind.

Enough chitchat. Let's bust you out of here.

What?! No!

I don't want to be busted out!

You do if you want your doohickey back.

Or should I just sell the snake

to the highest bidder?

Hey!

Viper: I got it.

Unh! Ohh! Whoa!

Viper: Follow me!

I can't see you... whoa!

Jade: Psst! Psst!

Did you bring the goods?

(Chuckles) Who are you people?

Uh, this is not a good idea.

This is a felony!

You do want your tchotcke back, don't you?

Ohh! Just hurry

before the dark hand finds us.

You're all right, Jade.

You got a sharp criminal mind.

I do?!

No! Jade has a lousy criminal mind! Come on!

Hey, viper! Wanna come

to the parade with us? Jade!

We're not going to socialize with a criminal.

Maybe another time. Stay sharp, kid.

Jackie, you should ask viper out on a date!

She'd be such a cool aunt!

What the...

(gasps) It's counterfeit!

Now she has the gem and the talisman!

Viper pulled a viper...

On me?

Old proverb...

"There is no honor among thieves."

Let's find her.

Let's!

(Gasps)

Tea?

How'd you get past my security system?

The talisman, please.

It's not for sale.

(Chuckles) Oh, I didn't plan on buying it.

Fellas, secure the talisman.

Viper: Can't have what you can't see, sugar.

And you can't hide

from the dark hand.

Let me go!

(Window opens)

The ledge! And while you're at it,

pilfer the puma, por favor.

Ugh! We lost her.

They didn't!

Look, Jade!

You get to watch the parade after all!

Uh, wait here. I'll get you a soda.

Grr!

I'm sorry! I'll bring it back! Thank you!

Hey! Look out!

Watch it! Excuse me! Sorry!

Jade: Unh!

Whoa! Heads up!

Ohh!

Jackie!

Hey, sorry about the double cross.

But can you blame me? It's my sign!

Snake. Viper. Get it?

(Sighs)

Here!

Jade: Make sure it's real this time, Jackie.

And where's my soda?

D'oh! Ack!

(Gasps) Company!

Whoa!

Whoa! Check it out! Wow!

Jackie: Ha ha! I'm here!

No, I'm here!

Or could I be here? Or maybe here?

Ha ha! Perhaps I'm over here!

Or maybe I'm nowhere at all!

Oh.

(Screams)

Alley-oop!

Nice move.

Please! I do not socialize with criminals.

Ow! Ugh! Aah! Unh!

Ooh!

Green is totally your color.

Mine!

Aah!

(All screaming)

All: Whoa!

Well, I am getting to see the sights.

What sights?

It just vanished! Where'd it go?

(Sirens approaching) That would be my cue.

Sorry I let you down, kid.

Yeah, whatever.

And thanks for the save back there, baby face.

I owe you one.

Then give me back the puma!

I have to return it.

The police think I took it. Please!

Uh, Jackie?

I know you told me

never to pull a viper again, but...

She owed you one.

But how... officers: Freeze!

It's ok! I have it! It's yours!

Real good. Now, tell us what you did

with the statue of Liberty.

Ernie: Hey, Jackie? Yes?

Do you ever get scared doing a stunt?

Yes, of course.

Every time when I'm doing a stunt,

my heart just, like, beating... boom-boom!

Chasing, jump over the building,

across the motorcycle,

uh, into the car, outside the car in one shot.

I'm crazy, but I'm not stupid.

I know how far I can jump,

how high I can go. Boom-boom!

Of course I'm afraid. I'm not a Superman.

I just like to do it.

Especially in the theater

when the audience, "yeah!"

Everything's worth it.