Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

Hey, man, what's this "having a picnic" shit in my car?

Please, man, I'm not getting my sex at home.

- Don't deny me this. - What are you talking about?

You sleep with a beautiful woman every night.

I'm married. That's what "married" means.

It means you sleep together, but you can't get none.

Why don't you watch it with all that shit, all right?

Hey, look, where's your cup-holders?

I don't have one.

What do you mean?

$80,000 for this car and you ain't got no damn cup-holder?

It's $105,000, and this happens to be...

...one of the fastest production cars on the planet.

0 to 60 in four seconds, sweetie.

- This is a limited edition. - You damn right it's limited!

No cup-holder, no back seat.

It's a shiny dick with two chairs in it.

I guess we the balls, just dragging the fuck along.

Oh, damn!

Sorry.

- Get it. - I can't get down there.

You got an engineering flaw up in here.

My shit ain't going down up in there.

Go! Titty-titty, strutty-strutty.

MAN 1: Go on. Make them want it. Make them want it.

MIKE: I ain't your wife to be cleaning up after your filthy ass.

MARCUS: You watch my hand, okay?

My shit can't get down there. And when it does, it gets stuck.

Now, what do you come up with? You got this shit.

You gonna get that fry.

This ain't no goddamn Denny's. No eating in my--

MARCUS: I wouldn't be buying no shit from Denny's anyway.

I don't like the way we been treated.

They bit, Jack. Let's gank these fools!

MARCUS: You ain't interested in the damn fry. You all up in that.

- Get out of the car, man. - Shit.

What the fuck?

MAN 2: My team, we've had a big week.

So just get the fuck out of the car.

Damn! What are you weighing, 350?

I bet you're a big Popeye Chicken - eating motherfucker, ain't you?

Hey, hey.

Why I always got to get the big, thick motherfuckers?

MAN 2: Get out of the car now!

All right! All right! All right!

- Hold on! - Now this is some funny shit.

Let me tell you how bad a day you're having.

Right now, you're jacking a couple cops.

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm a stand-up comedian...

...and I suck! That's why I need your car.

Now, I ain't no Wesley Snipes.

I just hang out with stupid-ass friends that drive stupid-ass cars...

...that attract a lot of motherfucking attention!

I need to jump over this car...

...and smack you in your peezi-ass head.

- That's what I need to do. - You know what?

You're arguing over a motherfucking French fry!

- It's a fry! - It's not about a French fry.

It's about your lack of respect for other people's property!

- Hey, hey, hey, hey! - Shut the fuck up!

- That shit is stupid! Hold the fuck on! MAN 1: Shut up! Shut up!

If you want some bad enough, come get some!

[GRUNTING]

You like that shit?

Wesley Snipes, Passenger 57.

Now give me a motherfucking Handi Wipe.

Now let's hear one of those jokes, bitch.

[♪♪♪]

What do you think, guys? Looks like the real thing.

- You remember your assignment? - Yeah, I'm the decoy.

Yes, you are.

[SCREAMS]

CASPER: What the fuck are you doing?

Hello, police?

I just saw something terrible: a policeman shot...

...on South Miami and First Street. Help, please!

WOMAN [OVER RADIO]: All units. All units. Officer down. Officer down.

Respond code 3.

All units in the vicinity, respond and identify.

MAN 1: This is Air Unit 2. We've got a full perimeter.

MAN 2: Officer down. We need additional ground units.

WOMAN: Air 3, roger. Suspect or suspects unknown.

FOUCHET: Gentlemen, it's clear.

MAN 1 [OVER RADIO]: We're inside.

- We're in. - You got 20 minutes.

Oh....

[FARTS]

Goddamn taco's gonna kill me.

MAN 2: Okay, guys, we got 12 minutes. Come on, let's go.

[BEEPING]

MAN 1: Clear. We're in.

MAN 3: Move your ass. We got six minutes.

MAN 4: Ready.

MAN 3: Ready to fire. Go!

Fire!

Go!

MAN 5: Move!

[MEN LAUGHING]

[FOGHORN BLOWS]

[RAP MUSIC PLAYS OVER SPEAKER]

Oh. Ooh.

Damn!

Did you have sweet dreams?

- You're so nasty. - Mm-hm.

You always saying you want quality time.

Well, right now I got the time and you damn sure got the quality.

- Come on now. - Uh-uh.

You know what it is?

I can't remember the last time that we fell asleep together.

Baby...

Baby, it's my job. It's what it requires.

You know I'm a better cop when I get some in the morning.

I feel lighter on my feet.

But you're going to have to keep it in your pants...

...because I hear three little Burnetts coming.

That's cold.

You gonna leave me here like a humping dog.

[KIDS YELLING]

THERESA: Hi, baby boy! GIRL: Mommy!

- Daddy! Daddy! MARCUS: What's up?

[♪♪♪]

Dad, at school, people say I look weird.

They say my ears look funny.

Boy, your daddy has that same problem.

I got the ears. But you know what?

They just out there for you to listen to people's problems.

You're an angel. These are your wings.

Flap, flap. That's all.

THERESA: James, stop! Would you take them off?

And don't let me have to come down to that school.

I'll arrest the principal.

- Mom, mom. THERESA: What?

Talking about my boy's ears.

- Uncle Mike's in the house! - What's up, Uncle Mike?

MIKE: Partner, partner! - What's happening?

- What's going on? - Quincy, check that out.

QUINCY: What'd you take my food for?

Don't kiss me, Mike! I don't know where your lips were last night.

Uncle Mike, did you have a date last night?

Ooh, did I!

Let me tell you, boy, now this girl was--

Hey, don't you go telling my son none of your sleazy sex stories.

I only tell your husband my sleazy sex stories.

Hey.

I don't want him knowing about them either. It gives him ideas.

[PHONE RINGS]

Why you put me in this? I'm with my babies.

Okay? Thank you.

- Hello. - Eat. Go on, girl.

- No problem. - Man, she was a blu-bla-blam...

Oh.

You're on the mike with Mike.

Want Daddy to wipe your mouth?

I think you mean to say, "Get our asses down there, please," captain.

[DIAL TONE]

Maybe not.

[♪♪♪]

Hey, baby!

Hey, Francine, where's Howard?

Down there. He's looking for you. He's been in better moods.

Aw, damn!

HOWARD: Get it done, goddamn it!

Welcome to our nightmare, boys.

See this?

What's wrong with this picture, huh?

Remember this room?

These slats, they look familiar, don't they?

There was these silver packets, they looked like bricks.

Little red tags on them, about so high?

- All that heroin, gone. - This was our career bust.

This was, what, $100 million?

- Gone! MARCUS: Oh, this is bad.

No, let me call it what it is: This is fucked up!

You got that right, detective.

Hello, Alison.

You guys know Captain Sinclair, Internal Affairs' top watchdog.

You know, I'd actually take that as a compliment...

...if I didn't know you so well.

Excuse me, but if you two want to get personal, I could step out--

There's nothing personal going on here.

I'm just doing my job.

I mean, I love knowing that one leak, one headline...

...can turn this nightmare into a media frenzy.

That's not gonna happen.

We're gonna get the dope back before that ever happens.

Good. Why don't you start by looking right here...

...because this had to have been an inside job.

And I'm gonna find out about it.

Sanchez, Ruiz, you guys are late.

So they put this in for toxic drug fumes?

Yeah, this was a brilliant design. This was really intelligent. I like this.

I didn't ask how he feels. I said, what did he see?

What does he know?

Where were y'all last night, man?

Listen, why don't y'all just have your cousins bring the shit back...

...and we can all get some sleep.

SANCHEZ: We were gonna do that, but you know what happened?

We came up with a problem.

Your mama snorted up all the dope.

All right, you two, get over there.

O'Fee's gonna be all right, but he's got nothing to tell us.

So they kill a decoy, it empties the station.

- Very smart. - But they don't kill a real cop...

...because they know they'd have the whole force on their ass.

This was your case. You're back on it.

Sanchez, Ruiz, you back them up with whatever they need.

With whatever they need. Shut your mouths.

All right, but now wait a second.

It was Carrera's drugs in the first place, right?

But it couldn't have been him, because he was killed in prison.

What about the rest of his crew?

The rest of those idiots don't have the precision to do this.

But just in case I'm wrong, you guys check them out.

Yeah, they'd have been up in here with Uzis...

...splashing O'Fee all over the place.

HOWARD: It takes brains to pull something like this.

Big cojones too.

What the hell are you talking about? Cojones?

It would take me a month to explain to you what cojones are.

- You're in Miami, don't know cojones? - English.

Ho! Ho! Hey!

We got nothing. What's the matter with you? We've got nothing.

The guy who pulled this off knew what he was doing.

And he left us nothing but a big "fuck you."

Ruiz, Sanchez...

...find out who installed the ventilating system, okay? Do that now.

- Oh, that's cold. SANCHEZ: So's your mama's bed.

This could definitely be an inside job. Don't rule it out.

The way I see it, we got 72 hours before the FBI and the DEA...

...walk in here and shut us down.

And we're gonna be the bad guys.

The politics demand that somebody take the rap for this...

...and it's gonna be us.

Just do what you do. Only faster.

Jojo. What's up? You still a chemist, right?

Cutting drugs and shit like that, huh?

I don't know nothing about that, man. I'm out of the drug business.

You know something.

I just said "no" to drugs.

You said "no" to drugs. What you into, Jo?

- Rubber, rubber, rubber. Check it out. - You're selling tires, huh?

Yeah.

So you don't know nothing? Jojo don't know nothing.

I know tires.

- You telling me the truth, right? - Would I lie to you?

- Would you lie to me...? - Hey! You driving.

[♪♪♪]

MARCUS: Yo, man, this is a waste of time.

Oh, come on, man, I keep telling you...

...in Maxie's line of work, she definitely gets the 411.

Maxie! How'd I know I was gonna find you up in here?

Listen, Max, we got to talk. Is there some place we can go?

Yeah, the equipment room.

- Behave yourself. MARCUS: Oh, I'm cool.

Ooh...

- Listen, I need some help. Again. - So, what else is new?

[GRUNTS]

Oh, sh--

Oh, sh--

Some major, major ill shit happened down at the P.D.

There's a lot of heroin involved...

...there's gonna be a lot of cash involved.

And there's definitely gonna be some jolly young men...

- ...running around who want to party. - What do you need?

There's a lot of people who will talk to you that won't talk to me.

You mean customers?

Listen, I'm not asking you to get into any wild shit.

Just call me if you hear something.

- I think I will call you. - Mm.

What the hell are you doing?

Trying to keep my shit quick.

Oh, that's right, you ain't getting none at home.

You got a little extra energy. Go ahead, burn it off.

Hey, we got anything, Francine?

Sanchez says that the air conditioning contract went to...

- ...Manuel Arrona of Key Biscayne. - Partner.

He's working out of his house this week. That's the number.

[♪♪♪]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

He's not answering.

I guess we should just leave.

What, make a trip...

...all the way down here to high society for nothing?

No, man. That's what they got windows for. We can peek in.

Oh, yeah, that should be okay.

- I tripped. - The handle just opened for you?

- Right after I tripped, it just opened. - I guess they want us to come in.

Take a peek.

Hello!

We're your new neighbors.

Don't be alarmed. We're Negroes.

No, man! No. That's too much bass in your voice.

That scare white folks. You got to sound like them.

[IN NASAL VOICE] We were wondering...

...if we can borrow some brown sugar.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] You fart? - No, man.

BOTH: Dead guy.

[♪♪♪]

MARCUS: Ugh.

Well, looks like somebody's home.

[FLIES BUZZING]

Okay, let me take a stab at this one.

He sells the ventilation plans to the bad guys.

- He gets rich, but he gets dead. - You're right on that one.

- I'm going to go call Homicide. - Whoa, whoa, wait.

Why do you act like this every time we around a dead body?

It's cool. I just--

Please? Look around.

The smell and the-- It's just unexpected, that's all.

[GROANING]

It looks like our buddy Arrona was a bit of a gambler.

Got dog track, jai alai...

Probably needed the money to pay off his debts.

Bookie.

Oops.

Damn, man!

Watch where you swinging the dead leg.

My bad, my bad.

Damn this. I'm calling Homicide.

I'm a Narcotics cop.

Dead bodies...

...dead ends.

Maggots.

What's wrong with you, man?

[STAMMERING]

Hey, what do you say we grab a couple of burritos?

[♪♪♪]

You know...

...you drive almost slow enough to drive Miss Daisy.

[CHUCKLES]

Hey, man, the transaction is done.

We ain't got shit, so it's over.

Relax, man. We got it before, we'll get it again.

Yeah, yeah. You got it all figured out, don't you?

- Oh, you got to have faith, player. - Let me tell you something, all right?

By the time we figured out how, we'd be out of a job.

No, scratch that.

Everybody in the damn unit will be out of a job!

Oh, but don't worry!

They tend to think Mike Lowrey going to be all right.

Especially since they think you some rich kid playing cop.

Look, man, I ain't got no trust fund.

Okay, see, for me, no job, no check.

That's like all the other guys in the unit.

At least, most of us.

So I'm playing cop now?

This is a game? I'm just joking around, huh?

You always wanted to be Starsky or Hutch.

You know what, man?

I'm so sick of this bullshit.

What, I'm supposed to apologize for my family leaving me money?

All I ever wanted to be was a cop.

I get up early and I take it to the max every day.

I'm the first guy through the door...

...and I'm always the last guy to leave the crime scene.

So you know what? Fuck you, and fuck them!

And fuck anybody who got a problem with Mike Lowrey!

- I love you, man. - Fuck you, Marcus.

I do.

You're cool, man.

- You're my partner. - Shut up. Shut up, man.

Slow-ass driver.

- You driving like a bitch. - Why I got to be all that?

Slow-ass.

I'll take me and you off this fucking cliff, keep fucking with me.

All right? Then it would be, what, two bitches in the sea? Is that it?

- Is that what you want? - Shut up, Marcus.

My wife know I ain't no bitch.

I'm a bad boy.

♪ Bad boys, bad boys What you gonna do? ♪

♪ What you gonna do When they come for you? ♪♪

Shelly, only models and that's all.

Max just dropped by. I got to go. Bye.

What's this that you want me to call around...

...looking for the newly rich?

Are there any new guys partying a lot, spending a lot of money?

Actually, this guy called me this morning, desperate...

...every two hours, looking for new girls in town.

Are you available this afternoon?

It'll be a quick $2000.

I've got plans with Julie.

- She's your roommate, right? - Yeah.

So bring her. She's cute, she's sexy, go on.

She's not a working girl, Lois.

Doesn't matter. This guy's on speedballs.

He's probably so messed up he can't even get it up.

Well, all right, maybe we'll go check it out.

Could be the party I'm looking for.

JULIE: A party at the Biltmore. Yeah, that'll really rock.

MAX: Okay, Julie, I owe you one.

Forget about it. I'll just deduct it...

...from the hundreds of favors I already owe you.

Am I turning into the guest that won't leave?

No, I like having you live with me.

JULIE: I'm an out-of-work photographer...

...who doesn't know how to cook.

I mean, not a big upside for you there.

So, what incredibly hip individual inspired this little visit to the Biltmore?

It's a favor for Mike Lowrey.

Oh, right.

The cop who I think you're just maybe a little bit in love with.

Well, maybe I am. But we're just friends, and...

And if I were ever in trouble, he's the only person I'd call.

I know, I know. I think I've heard this before.

[SNIFFLING]

- Hello. - Hi.

You must be Max. Welcome.

I'm Eddie.

To the Al Capone suite.

So I guess we're a little early.

- This is my friend Julie. - Julie.

- Hi. - You like Al Capone, don't you?

I hadn't really thought about it much.

I'm not kidding about this being Capone's.

He had the place rigged with secret passageways.

- Ten minutes, we're out of here. - Five.

- Julie. One drink. EDDIE: What's the whispering about?

One sip.

Just girl chat.

Where's the bathroom?

Upstairs on your right.

Watch your step.

Come.

- Sit. - Okay.

EDDIE: Enjoy yourself. Relax.

Eddie's got some favors to play with.

MAX: Yes, that he does.

I should've told you sooner about Eddie's private party.

Well, now it's a surprise party.

Okay, Max, I think we've been here about five minutes too long.

I see you treat yourself well, Eddie.

Yeah.

I needed to blow off a little steam after the, uh...

...the move, you know. So I...

A little party with a couple friends, you know how it is, that's all.

I was going to invite you guys.

Invite?

Looks like I'm catering this.

I was looking for my 2 keys of dope, and now I know where they are.

Yours? Man, it's our score.

- And the girl? EDDIE: Nobody.

Just entertainment.

- Hi. I'm Max. - Nice to meet you, Max.

I like a woman who takes pride in her appearance.

Don't you?

Yeah, I hate when a bitch lets herself slide.

You look like a model in that dress. Will you model for me, Max?

Oh, great. It's the goon squad.

[♪♪♪]

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMING]

FOUCHET: You were a cop for so long...

...you should know hookers talk.

You couldn't wait four more days until I made the deal?

I can't work with that kind of stupidity!

EDDIE: Stupidity?

I got you connected inside.

I brought you my family.

Eddie.

It's my family now.

EDDIE: Fouchet, we're still friends.

- What are you guys doing? - You pissed him off.

CASPER: Use a smaller gun. You got blood on me again.

Hey. Somebody's up there! Upstairs!

CASPER: Get her! Move, Fergie.

[♪♪♪]

Get her!

[MEN YELLING INDISTINCTLY]

What the fuck?

CASPER: Shoot her!

[GASPS]

- I got her. - I got her!

- Bullshit, I got her. - What do you know about shooting?

I can't believe she made it!

- Jesus! - Are you serious?

- She jumped. - Fuck!

Find out who she worked for, and find out where she lives.

[SIRENS WAILING]

[HORN HONKS]

It's about fucking time! Lowrey. Burnett.

Come here. Come here. Look at this. See this guy?

He's dead, right?

- Look familiar? - Eddie Dominguez.

- The ex-cop. - Two points for you.

And there's some of our high-grade heroin over there.

There's a headline Sinclair's gonna love.

HOWARD: Look, there's no signs of forced entry.

What the fuck is all this? Look like Beirut.

It's the Al Capone suite.

What can I say? Shit happens.

It's a shitty day.

Real shitty day.

Looks like we got two shades of lipstick over here, gentlemen.

Seems to me, somebody's missing from the party.

All right, listen to me.

Your only function in life right now is to find that person. You find her.

It's the only good lead we got all day. You find her.

Look, man. I'm gonna check all calls to the room.

[♪♪♪]

MIKE: Hey, what you got over there, partner?

Cover her.

HOWARD: He knew the girl, huh?

Look, man.

All right, we'll get the witness...

...and we damn sure gonna get the fools who did this.

Yeah. Listen, why don't you see if you can catch a ride with Howard?

Whoa. Where you going?

Eight calls were made to Lois Fields.

That's who Max used to work for, so I'm gonna go check it out.

- All right, well, I'll come with you. - No, why don't we just catch up later.

You okay?

I'm cool.

Hello? Hello? Hello?

Shit!

Yeah, baby. Look, baby, I know quality time was my idea.

THERESA [OVER PHONE]: Don't talk to me about quality time.

Hold on, babe.

Look here, I need a full file on Eddie Dominguez.

MAN: That will take a minute. - Hold on.

THERESA: I got on the red one. - Baby?

You have on the red one?

The one with the snaps? Why couldn't you wait till I get...?

- You're never home, baby. - Theresa-- Hold on.

MAN: All his files are blocked.

Hey, I don't give a damn about his personal files.

The man's dead. Unblock it.

MAN: Screw you, that's illegal.

No, screw you!

THERESA: Marcus, are you talking to me?

No, I'm not talking to no--

It's a term you use, baby. "Screw you" is a cop term.

- You ain't screwing nothing! - There's--

Goddamn it!

HOWARD: Where's Lowrey?

I just paged him.

He's following up this Lois Fields lead.

The madam?

21-2, request backup. 614 Reach Road.

WOMAN [OVER RADIO]: 21-2, backup. Reach Road.

[♪♪♪]

[GRUNTING]

[PHONE RINGS]

That might be him.

Yeah, Lowrey's desk.

I need to talk to Detective Mike Lowrey.

HOWARD [OVER PHONE]: This is Captain Howard.

- Can I help you? - You can get me Detective Lowrey.

Look, this is not another paternity case is it?

No, it's another murder case, you twerp!

You're not talking about the murder case...

...at the Biltmore Hotel tonight, are you?

Listen, I've just seen my best friend get murdered.

And I'll only talk to Mike Lowrey.

Why only Mike Lowrey? I have a detective here--

None of your fucking business, all right?

Either I talk to Lowrey or I'm gonna blow town.

Mike, phone! Telephone! Mike!

He's coming right now. Hold on, please.

- Talk to her. - I ain't got time for these games.

Talk to her. This is the witness, the girl at the hotel.

Yeah, he just got out of the john. Hold on. Talk to her now.

- Talk to her now or she's gonna walk. - Captain, I can't be no Mike, man.

Just talk to her. She's going to walk out.

- This is our witness. - Calm down!

Hello.

This is Mike Lowrey.

He doesn't talk that way. Talk like him. Like him.

Try to talk sexy. You don't sound sexy enough.

Captain!

Damn!

You don't know me. My name's Julie Mott.

And I was Max Logan's best friend.

Okay, whoa, calm down, calm down.

Talk to me now.

[♪♪♪]

Yeah.

And she said if she ever needed anything...

[CRYING]

I need your help.

Give me the address.

All right. Okay.

It's gonna be all right. Hey, Mike's to the rescue.

I'm on the way. All right.

- Let me see if I can find Lowrey. - Hey, I can't go.

But you gotta go! Go.

Get Mike down here, man. Handle this.

- Go now. Get out of the chair! - I'll wait till Mike get here--

You won't see your wife for a month! Get out of the chair!

[♪♪♪]

Get this fucking door fixed!

Mike Lowrey.

No, easy. Mike Lowrey.

[KNOCKING]

Shit!

Who's there?

Uh... Mike Lowrey.

How do I know it's Mike Lowrey?

Because, I'm Mike Lowrey!

Okay, now we ain't got much time.

Hold your badge up to the peephole.

I'm not letting you in until you do.

[DOG BARKS]

No way!

- What the fuck was that for? - You're not Mike Lowrey!

What you mean I ain't Mike Lowrey? You've never even met him-- Me!

- Max described you differently! - I'm undercover!

Prove it!

Okay. I know Max from way back. I helped her brother get out of jail.

Yeah, so?

I mean, you know, I was cool like that...

...from time to time we get together, little bump and grind...

Wrong!

Give me the bat!

You wanna go at this? Fine! You don't want to believe me?

You go at this shit alone!

Oh, I forgot.

The bad guys probably know where you live...

...which means they're coming for your ass. Good luck!

I saw the whole thing.

I watched them shoot her like she was nothing.

Please, shut the door.

Look, lady.

You ain't got no more bats, golf clubs...

...or anything like that you can swing at me, do you?

I knew Max, okay?

I cared about Max also.

I'm just here to help you.

You're not what I expected.

Yeah, well, I ain't expect to walk into Yankee Stadium either.

[BAT CLATTERS]

Okay, now, we got to get out of here, okay? Let's go.

I've got to get my dogs. Come here, Dukie!

Lukie, Dukie, whatever!

Look, you got a back door?

- Where we going? Duke, come here. - Protective custody.

Well, fuck that! I'm only dealing with you.

That was a cop that threw that little party back at the Biltmore.

Former cop, okay? We got rid of him a long time ago.

Luke, come on, Luke!

Listen, lady, if you want to live, you ain't got no choice...

...you got to trust me.

[SCREAMS]

[BOTH YELLING INDISTINCTLY]

[♪♪♪]

MARCUS: Run! Run! Move!

JULIE: Get my dog! Get my dog! - Here, doggie! Come on, doggie!

Jesus Christ!

Who the hell was that?

MARCUS: Go! - There is too much killing going on!

Go after them! Go! Go!

I'll go around front!

MARCUS: Come on. Come on, move your ass! Let's go!

[♪♪♪]

Fuck!

Get in the car!

Damn it!

JULIE: Goddamn it! - Fucking door!

Go, goddamn it, go!

[COUGHING]

How did you miss them? Huh? You fat fuck!

Watch your fucking mouth, will you!

Lose some weight and you would have caught them.

I'd like to come over and squeeze your little fucking head, you bastard.

You're in trouble. Now you're in fucking trouble!

- You get the license plate? - Yeah, I got the fucking plates.

You cockeyed fuck!

This is your goddamn getaway car?

We're not gonna get away from anything in this!

What is this? A goddamn family station wagon?

Oh, my God, you got a baby seat in the back!

You got a baby seat in the back.

It's an undercover car, okay? Undercover.

Shit. I know they got a look at my license plate.

Were those the guys who shot Max?

What guys? All I saw were bullets. You tell me what they looked like.

I don't know. I was too busy trying to keep a bullet out of your ass.

Look, Julie. I'm gonna need you to look through some mug shots...

...until you can identify Max's shooter.

- Where are we gonna do that? - Protective custody.

No way! I told you, I am not going into protective custody!

Look, lady, I'm not playing.

Okay, you really pissing me off. Now, I'll book your narrow ass!

Oh, yeah? And I'll develop amnesia.

I suddenly feel a little case of it coming on right now.

Fine, lady, where would you feel safe?

You want to do protective custody? All right.

We'll do in-home protective custody, at your home. At your place.

All right? I can handle going to your place.

Yeah, my place. My place is--

No way.

Right.

My place-- Yeah. No, my place-- Yeah, my place is the shit.

Mike Lowrey's place. You right.

That's the best idea you came up with tonight. Yeah, my place.

Wait here.

Wait here.

Detective Burnett!

How are you? Long time no see. Mr. Lowrey, he's not here. He's out.

I know. He said I could use his place tonight.

Oh, really? He didn't mention it to me.

Who's the chick? How's your wife?

[CHUCKLES]

Fine, she's fine.

And your kids, they're good?

Because family's the most important thing.

- Is it? - Yeah.

Mr. Lowrey told me that you got a real baby factory...

...going on over there at your house. That true?

Here you go. Aah.

If that ain't enough, I'm gonna run you in for extortion.

You know, I'm so stupid sometimes.

- Are you? - Now that you mention it...

...Mr. Lowrey did mention something about you coming by tonight.

What did he say? Did he say he had a key?

Hang out.

- Here you go. - Is this it?

Yeah. You're hurting me.

- Thank you. Good to see you. - Good to see you.

- Have fun. - It's not like that.

- Sure, sure. - It's not like that.

[DOOR OPENS]

MARCUS: Yeah, come on.

Watch your step up through here.

Damn, I must've left some incense burning.

Welcome to Casa de Lowrey.

This is kind of...

I'm always moving my switches.

See, I'm always decorating...

...so sometimes I just don't know where shit is.

Damn!

Shit!

Why am I tripping on shit I know is there?

See, you found a light switch.

I should have known it was there since I decorated the place.

[PHONE RINGS AND MACHINE ANSWERS]

WOMAN [ON MACHINE]: Mike, this is Yvette. I'm horny

- Ignore this. It's one of my freaks. - just talking to your machine.

MARCUS: She's always calling, got to have it.

Don't call here no more now, freak! Just one of my freaks.

JULIE: All of this on a cop's salary?

YVETTE: --right now, on the table. MARCUS: Uh, well...

...it's honest money. I'm a second-generation rich kid.

[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]

So if you're not in it for the paycheck...

...what are you, some kind of action junkie?

If that what you want to call it.

I don't mind bats swung at my head, bullets damn near grazing my ass.

Gives me a rush.

Look, let me give you a broad stroke of the place.

I got some T-bones in the fridge for Lukie and Dukie...

Sorry, your fridge is this way. I confuse my own shit.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, what are you--?

You're gonna leave me here alone?

Yeah, I gotta get back to the P.D.

These are Miami's peak crime hours, you know.

Apparently.

You know, they said that this deal was going down in four days, and I'm--

You know, obviously seem to be kind of a major glitch in their--

Hey.

You ain't with the bad guys now. You're with the cops.

With Mike Lowrey. You with the cops. Okay?

Everything's gonna be all right. Trust me.

[IMITATING SCHWARZENEGGER] I'll be back.

I know that it's no time to joke, but remember in the movie when...?

All right, all right.

Thanks for everything, Mike.

I'm gonna go.

Chet.

CHET: That was quick. You're one of those guys. In and out.

It's not like that, Chet, okay?

- The girl, she's a witness. - Right.

- I need you to keep an eye out. - No problem.

All right, now listen to me. Hear me.

- Me? Okay. - That's right.

All right, the moment Lowrey gets in, you have him call me at home.

- At my home. - Call you at home.

Use this phone. Don't let him go upstairs.

Don't let him upstairs? But he lives here.

I don't wanna argue with Mr. Lowrey. I could lose my job.

- Chet, trust me on this, okay? - Okay. Call you from here.

- From here. - Don't let him up.

- No problem. Okay. - Important witness.

Thank you.

I got a better idea. I'm getting off in, like, two hours.

If you want, I could go upstairs and watch the door.

You know, like cops do in the movies. Sit on the stool.

I got a magazine and everything. And I don't let anybody in or out.

Seriously. All kidding aside, I want to help.

You're helping. Do that from here.

- Can you do it from here? - Yeah, I can do it from here.

- Fine. That helps. From here, okay? - Okay. All right.

It's funny that you ask me, because, you know, I was going to be a cop.

I took the test and everything. You know, just didn't work out.

Politics.

- Yeah. I know. You're my deputy. - I'm your deputy.

- From here. Watch out for everything. - You got it.

Take care, chief.

I'm a deputy.

Don't "honey-baby" me, you smell like perfume.

[STAMMERS]

And you don't even have your wedding ring on!

Damn!

I went undercover...

...and so it required taking off the ring for a second.

But I got the ring.

Look, I just put my hand in my pocket because that's where it was...

...and it's right back on, baby.

Damn!

Can I get a pillow?

Well, if it isn't the guy who doesn't return phone calls.

You mind telling me where the hell you been...

...the last 12 hours? Huh? I been paging you all night!

We got a situation here that I think you need to know about.

Look, Marcus...

...I got a dead madam, I got a concussion...

...and I got a real bad headache.

You got a headache. Well, let me tell you what I did last night.

I had to sleep on my couch.

I wake up this morning and I got a Power Ranger stuck up my ass.

And while we're discussing my ass, I damn near got it blown off.

Guess what the good news is. I got a witness.

- Let me tell you about this witness. - Marcus. Marcus.

Shh. You sound like a nagging wife.

I'm a nagging...? I'm nagging?

You see what happens when you go off without me?

You get into shit.

Oh, please, like shit don't happen when you're there.

That ain't the point, okay?

The point is, if your partner pages you...

...you might wanna get back to your partner.

I want to meet the man who whupped your ass.

I want to meet who whupped Shaft's ass.

That's what I want.

Look at me, man. Last night, you don't know what I've been through.

My wife done kicked me out the house.

Kicked me out of a happy home.

But, no. You got to go off by yourself.

"I got this, partner, I got this." Bullshit.

I am feeling much better though. Thank you.

And I'm gonna get his ass.

MARCUS: Watch yourself.

What did I say? Did you hear what I said?

I heard what I said because I was standing there when I said it.

I told you. I told you to secure a witness...

...not to shoot up a neighborhood.

Not to do another dead body.

Just get the dope back, and do it quietly.

Look, captain. This whole situation is getting out of control.

You're goddamn right it's getting out of control!

Look, man, I damn near had to pass a pop quiz...

...before she believed I was him.

HOWARD: Going, it's going...

Shit, little off.

I haven't killed anybody yet today, captain.

Do you want me to yell at you?

Because I can do that. Let me tell you something.

This witness, it's the only good news I got, okay?

The only good news.

You guys are bad news.

So, what does that mean?

That means if you have to be Mike Lowrey...

...Santa Claus, I don't give a shit, that's what you're gonna be!

Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. What the hell is going on in here?

I was, like, getting them all in before you showed up.

Can somebody talk to me, please? Can I know what's going on?

Captain, these fools could have gotten a look at my license plate last night.

So where's the girl now?

- His place. - What?

You left her by herself? Our only fucking witness?

You left a strange hooker alone in my apartment?

The girl is not a hooker, as far as I know.

I had to stash her somewhere. Her and her dogs, Luke and Dukie.

You left dogs in my house?

So there's dogs and a hooker in my house?

How about you just add some chimps, okay?

- We can have a carnival. - Didn't I just say she wasn't a hooker?

- Can you please--? HOWARD: Shut up!

For years, Sinclair has been up my ass...

...trying to pin something on me.

I'm always taking it for you. Right? Do it for me!

Now, if we get this witness to ID the shooters...

...maybe we catch our bad guys.

But until then...

...until then...

...you are Mike Lowrey.

You be him, that's what you are. You're him.

You're him! I don't want to hear it! You're him. And you! You be you.

But not in front of her! You're him, you're you!

Can we get a time-out here, cap?

What am I, like, the designated homeless?

Hey. Does it look like I care?

Whatever it takes, all right? Whatever it takes.

What did she say to you?

The shooters are gonna make their drop in four days?

So we got four days.

Captain, what kind of plan is that?

I can't be shacked up with that woman.

I have a family to look after. My wife will kill my ass.

You don't like your job, quit.

Damn!

Look, I'll stay at the house with Theresa and the kids.

Thank you, thank you. But no, thanks, okay?

You won't last five minutes with my family.

Please, man. Married life is easy. You only got one woman to satisfy.

MARCUS: Yo, man...

...we ain't the Cosbys.

Let's go, I got this.

Go.

Everybody wants to be like Mike.

Yeah, and you're going to be retired like him too.

I'd have dunked it on your ass.

Cleveland? I have never--

Hey, look, woman, okay? Now I done told you, okay?

It's a federal subpoena.

What am I gonna do, tell them no?

I don't know what you're gonna tell them, baby. Why can't he go?

Why can't you go?

Oh, you know, I wanted to...

...but Captain Howard said, you know, I'm irresponsi--

No, he said, "loose cannon." Because I be shooting in public.

- Mike. - Out of nowhere sometimes.

Mike! No, man.

Please. All right.

Look, babe, okay? The neighborhood has had a lot of break-ins.

I can handle it. I don't need Mike.

MARCUS: I know you can handle it...

...but I'm worrying about me. Mike's going to stay here.

Take care of y'all. Just till I come back.

THERESA: Who's gonna pick the kids up from day care and all that stuff?

Mike can't do it.

Are you listening to me, baby? I said, Mi--

Hey, I read a book that could probably help y'all.

Mike, please, man.

Can you go down and have a Coke and a smile?

- Please. - All right.

Y'all want something?

Bring me a Coke, Mike. Baby, you want a Coke?

I'm fine, thank you.

- Mike. - All right.

So explain it to me, Elliot.

We've got a problem with our chemistry set?

It's not a chemistry set.

He knows it ain't a chemistry set, asshole.

So, what is it?

The cutting agent is a highly volatile...

...substance.

- I don't care. - The ether--

I don't care! I don't care!

I'm not a fucking chemistry teacher, Elliot.

So, what is the problem?

The problem is that there's too much moisture down here.

- Yeah, it's totally fucked. - You shut up!

Okay.

So, what else?

ELLIOT: It's taking longer to cook than we originally planned.

And if we rush it...

...we're gonna have a lot of drugs that we can't sell.

You're fucking with my timetable here.

I gave you a deadline. You understand?

- Do you understand? - I understand.

MARCUS: Julie!

JULIE: Yeah.

- Oh. - Oh, um...

- Hi. - You dressed?

Yeah, I am.

Look, we gotta go through some mug shots.

So I'm gonna hook into the computer...

- ...and we can do this. - Hey, Mike...

...who's the guy in all the photographs?

Sometimes I don't even look at my shelf...

...and I forgot all the pictures was here.

That's my partner. Yeah, that's my partner, Marcus Burnett.

I've never seen anything like this before.

Well, I can see how it may throw you a little bit.

You know what? It's a cop thing.

Yeah, these pictures are up here for every time he saved my life.

It's the same thing with him.

You go to his place, ain't nothing but pictures of me.

Because it's like a shrine. Just a reminder.

Oh.

Because, I mean, when I saw it, the whole wall...

...I thought maybe they were...

...you know, pictures of your lover.

Of who?

I thought that-- You know, I thought maybe you were gay.

I was gay?

Nah, nah, nah, baby.

I mean, I didn't mean to offend you.

You know, it's okay to be a homosexual, Mike.

No, you're not listening. It's not registering, okay?

Believe me. Did you sleep in the bed? You didn't feel the dents?

Yeah, the dents come from all that.

- That's how I gets down. - Oh, that's...

...sweet.

Gay. Psh.

If I was, I'd change the drapes in this motherfucker.

JULIE: No.

- You want some? - No, thanks.

I don't eat flesh.

What?

That's flesh that you're...

...shoveling into your mouth.

You know, that was a living, breathing creature, you know.

It probably had a name.

It's just bologna.

My bologna has a first name.

Well, actually, your bologna has about 30 names...

...you know, because they take, like, odd parts from all different ones.

You know, like, the leftovers: the hooves, stomach lining, ears...

...stuff like that. You know.

They put it into this machine and, like, grind it all up.

And then out comes, like, this sheet.

That's what you're eating now.

Okay.

You know what?

I don't eat bologna no more. How about a pickle?

Can I eat the pickle?

Well, there's a lot of salt in it, but, yeah, it's fine. It is a vegetable.

Lot of salt in the pickle?

Okay, let me rinse-- Let me rinse it off. There we go. There we go.

Hm? How's that?

Just... Let's keep going.

I don't even taste the salt now.

Go back. Go back.

That's the guy.

He was there, in the room.

We got a tip they was running some major druggage up in there...

...something like 50 keys.

So we steps to the door. Boom!

"Freeze! Miami P.D.! Get down, get down, get down!"

Out of nowhere, this little crazy pimp named Chino...

...punched me in the head with some brass knuckles.

So I'm like, "Ah." Chino's been running ho's up in there...

...but your dad will explain that to you.

Look at it. Your dogs, they shitting all over my place. Liquid shit.

It doesn't help, you going around shellacking it in with furniture polish.

There's a piece right there. Please, get that.

- Fine. I got it. - Look like a chip of shit.

[♪♪♪]

Francine, can I please have the parole jacket on Noah Trafficante?

- Thank you. MARCUS: You know what, man?

I'm getting tired of this witness, man.

I wanna get back to my life the way it was.

I'm tired. Okay, I got married so I could stop lying.

You know what? I cannot believe you're complaining.

You got it easy compared to me, living in that zoo you call home.

Why you got to call my place a zoo?

- I'm tired of you talking that stuff. - Now you want to fight me.

- Don't call my place no zoo, man. - Listen, Francine, please...

Yo, that's my silk shirt, man!

Yeah. It's kind of nice.

I figure since I'm gonna be like Mike...

...I might as well dress like Mike. You know.

♪ I wanna be I wanna be like Mike ♪♪

Pow! Huh?

You're sick. Something's wrong with you.

You have a problem and you should have yourself checked.

Probably.

Here's the file. He worked at Club Hell.

Thank you. Thank you.

[PAGER BEEPING]

Can you take care of this, please? I gotta call the wife.

- Whose wife? - Can you please do some work?

- One time today, just do something! - I'm gonna tell you--

Do something that helps this case.

Boy.

You look real handsome today, Marcus.

No, see, it's not that kind of day. Okay?

Leave me the fuck alone.

Seriously. All right?

- What's up, babe, PMS? - No, damn the jokes.

- Damn them. - Okay, I won't say anything.

Ring it. Ain't in the mood.

Yeah, that's cool. Hold on.

Okay. Go ahead.

Mm-hm. All right.

- How are things going with the kids? THERESA: They're fine. You okay?

- How's that potty-training thing going? THERESA: Slowly, but surely.

You're so silly.

- You gonna be late tonight? - It'll be 10:30, 11:00 before I get in.

No, don't wait up. I'll be there.

[PHONE HANGS UP]

So yeah, why don't you rent a movie or something?

You know. Something we can kick back to.

- So, what you wearing? - Give me the phone! Give it! Baby!

She hung up a long time ago. I was playing. I was playing.

- Hello? - I was playing.

Hey, man. Don't play like that.

That's my family. Don't break up a happy home.

Stop wearing my clothes then.

Everybody about the motherfucking jokes today, ain't they? Hello.

MIKE: I can't believe this.

Come on, Francine...

...this Eddie Dominguez file can't be that hard to get into.

I tried three times, I just can't get in. Besides, you know, this is illegal.

Well, yeah, that never stopped you before.

Just let me know if you get anything.

Anything for you. But I can't get in. I tried.

[♪♪♪]

- What's up, Chet? - Hey, Mr. Lowrey.

- Chet. - Hey, Mr. Lowrey.

Okay. The Lowrey Brothers.

MIKE: Let's just get down to Club Hell and pick up Noah.

Julie, it's me!

What's up? You're supposed to be getting us...

...into this Eddie Dominguez file.

It's gonna be a day or two.

- We don't have no day or two. - I'm not the computer whiz.

It's gonna take a while before we can hack the computer.

- You not taking care of shit. JULIE: Mike, listen, I was thinking--

Hi.

- You must be... Marcus. - Marcus. I'd be Marcus.

- That's right. JULIE: Marcus, right?

I'm Julie.

Julie. All right. Nice to meet you.

You too. I recognized you from...

...every one of the photographs.

Oh. Well, it's my man, you know.

The wall. Yeah, those on the wall.

- You must be very good. - I'm sorry?

As a partner. Given your job, what you do.

What time are we doing this thing tonight?

- Excuse me? - Mike said that we're going to a club.

Yeah, well, "we"...

...as in me and my partner.

You wanted home protective custody. You at my house.

Oh, that's just great.

So I'll just stay here again...

...with Chet the mini-moron doorman to protect me?

Chet is very good.

Oh, I'm so--

That looks like a stain on your rug. Damn.

That was my baby, Luke.

He gets kind of nervous in new surroundings--

And he just shits, huh?

Well, it's sort of-- It's like marking his territory. Sort of a male thing.

I offered to pay Mike for the cleaning and he wouldn't hear of it.

- I'm gonna get rid of it. - Yeah, you don't need that.

Yeah, I was going to throw that out anyway, you know.

I just want a new look.

Mike, he's a special guy. That Mike is special.

That's what I call him, Special Mike.

It's funny-- I like how you can just laugh at that. That's why...

I love him. Now, me, whoo! I'd be pissed.

Oh, and look at this cute little dog on the couch.

That's Luke.

Look how he just crawls around on the leather.

You want to meet Duke?

He's in the bed. He's been feeling sort of upset...

...and having diarrhea and throwing up all morning.

Oh, baby.

Let's go see if little Duke is going to be okay, shall we?

[LUKE GROWLS]

Me and you. Me and you.

Oh, Mike.

MARCUS: Hey, lady, who are you?

YVETTE: Who the hell are you? MARCUS: Look, you gotta get out.

- Get your hands off me! - Lady, don't push me!

YVETTE: I'm Yvette. - Well, you not the Yvette I know.

YVETTE: Get your hands off me!

Hey, what are you doing?

Get out of here, all right?

If you don't stop stalking me, I'm gonna arrest your ass.

You old psycho!

YVETTE: You asshole! - Woman's into some weird shit.

What's going on out here?

MARCUS: That was crazy Yvette.

Stalking me. Ha.

Yvette? I forgot she was coming. You threw Yvette out?

- Yvette is a masseuse. - Mm-hm.

She massages shit.

She told me.

Hey, listen, are there any other totally hysterical...

...half-naked women popping by tonight...

...that I should know about?

- She was naked? - Titties were out a little bit.

You threw Yvette out naked?

[STAMMERS]

My wife would hate--

She hates womanizers.

I don't believe-- You see-- Something wrong with you.

You don't respect other people's shit. That's your problem.

- I've been telling you for years. JULIE: This does not feel safe.

- Your trash is all over. JULIE: This doesn't feel--

Enough! Please!

Me and my partner...

...we're going to Club Hell so we can bust this fool Noah.

Does anybody have a problem with that?

Fine.

Don't blow the case.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Okay, Frank, here's the deal, okay: You stay put.

Anybody tells you to move, don't. I don't care what they say.

Tell them you're making a delivery for Fouchet.

You got it? You got it? Frank?

It's ether! It'll explode, you dope!

Don't even breathe, you knucklehead!

Noah.

I remember you.

[♪♪♪]

Check it, Lowrey...

...we got two days left. Let's try to do this right.

No gunshots, no dead bodies.

I'm not trying to lose my job on this one.

Well, you know, if I recall correctly...

...the last couple dead bad guys belonged to you.

And next time you have to kill them...

...why don't you do it after you get the information that we need.

Just a suggestion.

Please. You ain't even trying to compare body counts.

Should I keep going all day? I'm out.

I'm out.

This guy Noah's parole jacket says he works in there.

We're standing out front arguing like a couple of schoolgirls.

What do you say we put an end to all this bickering?

Because you starting to get on my goddamn nerves.

[TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

He got no package.

Look at you! Look at you!

- Can you stay focused? - What you talking about? I'm focused.

Yeah. Focused on all this scattered ass around here.

Let's do what we came to do and get the fuck out of here.

- Simple. - Fine.

Let's just split up, check around. Meet you at the bar in 10 minutes.

- Fine. - Fine.

CASPER: Holy shit, what the hell is he doing?

Oh, man! That's the cop! There he is! See him?

NOAH: That's him! I'm going.

[HUMS]

What's up?

MARCUS: Whoo...

Budweiser. Feel like I had a million of them.

What's up, motherfucker?

Tell me where the girl is, jack-off!

Oh, fuck!

Next time, learn how to work the safety with your punk-ass.

I'll be back.

Who done tore off and whupped your ass now?

This ain't the time. This really ain't the fucking time.

Look. They know. Let's get Noah and get out of here.

Hey, it's the chick. Look, the chick!

The girl. The bitch from the rooftop!

[♪♪♪]

Julie!

[GUNSHOT]

MARCUS: Let's go! - That was the guy who shot Maxie!

MIKE: The truck! Come on, let's take the truck!

There! Right there! Go!

MIKE: Move it! Move it!

We're really in a hurry.

Let's go!

JULIE: You're cops! Why are we running away? He's in there!

Here! Go!

This is good.

Noah's chasing us!

What was that?

What the--? What was that?

That was-- I don't know.

But I had a perfectly good shot at him...

...if your friend Action Jackson over here--

No! No! This is official police business!

You had no business in there! And can you please drive this thing?

- Please drive! - Don't bring it here, all right?

You're the one who picked a slow-ass ice-cream truck!

- What am I smelling? - Just drive!

- What am I smelling? JULIE: Ether.

Extremely flammable ether.

Oh, shit.

Goddamn.

You the man!

You the fucking man tonight!

How you gonna pick an ice-cream truck that's a damn bomb?

Shit!

This is protective custody?

Yes!

[TRUCK HORN HONKS]

Oh, shit!

You better do something, boy! Because we're running out of road!

Who picked this dumb-ass road?

All the goddamn road in Miami and you run out of it!

You gotta come up with an idea, fast!

Why I gotta come up with all the ideas?

Take this shit!

We're coming to a dead end! There's no more road!

We out of fucking road!

- Motherfucker's going to blow! - Get the fuck out! Get the fuck out!

Well...

Should I add this to your body count?

There goes our only lead to the dope.

Ain't this a bitch.

The dope? The do--

What are you talking about?

How about, "There goes our only lead to Max's killer"?

He's still out there.

Oh, but, I mean, that's not really important...

...because it's not like it's your job to protect people. Holy shit.

- See what I'm saying? She's crazy! - I'm crazy?

You're gone!

What's wrong with you? Stop it! Marcus! This is the witness!

She done zoomed. That's it, you deal with her.

- Julie. - No way.

Listen, yes, okay, you're right.

This whole thing started because of missing drugs.

But let me tell you something:

There's nothing, absolutely nothing, more important to Mike...

...than doing this guy that killed Max.

I know, sometimes he has a hard time expressing his real feelings.

Come on. It's gonna be all right, okay?

We need you.

Part of the team.

JULIE: I thought he was supposed to be the smooth one.

MIKE: This has not been a good day.

Damn right. This is bullshit.

We got two days to find these fools and we got no leads...

...because you cooked Noah's ass back on the freeway.

[HUMS]

- Shampoo? - Hello.

MARCUS: Well, let's just do that.

MIKE: What's up? - Hey.

MARCUS: Julie, it don't take that long to get shampoo.

- Come on, please, let's go. JULIE: Look at this.

"Animal tested. Animal tested."

Do you know how many chemicals are in this stuff?

I don't care if you go bald. Just get it and let's go.

Jojo.

He is a chemist.

It's entirely too much heroin and too much ether...

...for nobody to know nothing.

What's he talking about?

Well, you know the barrels of ether...

...that blew up on the ice-cream truck?

They were gonna use that to process the heroin.

Yeah, they do that to cut it. It, like, quadruples the value.

MARCUS: Yeah, you can't just stick it in the microwave.

Maybe you're on to something. Let's just pay for this, all right?

MIKE: Hey, how much is that? - $14.25.

Damn, you know what? I must have left my wallet somewhere.

Freeze, motherbitches!

- Don't you move. MARCUS: Wait--

- I'm not understanding. I really don't - Shut up!

- Do you just attract violent people? - Shut the fuck up!

Take it easy, all right? We're police officers.

You're not police officers. I'm not stupid. I know.

MARCUS: Wait. - I know. I've seen police.

I'm gonna reach for my badge, okay?

You want badges, motherbitch?

I give you badges!

Here! 99 cents each. I sell you some.

He got eight fucking badges. I told you this cop thing don't work.

I blow you! Then I blow you!

Blow me? What the fuck? No, hump me, that's all right.

I kill before. I kill again.

- Please! Hold on! - I'm gonna blow you!

No, you hold on!

Do you see the fucking emotion I'm going through right now?

That means this shit is serious.

That means me and this motherfucker is not vibing right now.

That's what that shit means.

- You got something on your chest? - I got something!

- Hello! The guy's got a cannon. - What do you want?

- You want some? Then come get it. - I want some.

- I'm gone! - Hey, freeze, bitch!

You freeze, bitch!

Oh, shit. I'm fucked.

Now back up.

Put the gun down.

And get me a pack of tropical fruit Bubblicious.

And some Skittles.

MARCUS: Hell of a night. I'm going to bed.

So make yourself at home. It's your bed.

I'll sit down, you know, for...

For a minute. You know, because...

...I'm guarding shit, you know. I'm watching out for the bad boys.

I can see things real well, you know...

...from my peripherals.

You know, for such a stud, Mike Lowrey...

...you sure seem a little rigid about having a girl in your bed.

Who?

Me? Mike Lowrey? I'm not rigid.

I'm comfortable.

It's my bed. Why would I be uncomfortable?

I don't know. You know, I think it's more than just wired.

I mean, maybe it was all the, you know, guns and stuff.

I mean, I've never really shot a gun before.

All that, I don't know, steel...

I'm feeling-- Don't you feel a little funny?

I'm not a comedian, but...

I don't mean that kind of funny, I mean, like...

...funny.

[♪♪♪]

You don't want that.

You don't want that, because when I come...

...I come with the thunder.

- Mike. - And that's...

You sound like you're saving yourself for marriage.

No, that ain't me there.

That's Marcus.

You know what I'm saying? He's the married one.

I got some other-- Oh, no.

I done seen it now. Turn the page.

No.

Turn the page, girl. I done already seen it.

Don't laugh.

MIKE: No. I cannot believe he wore his Afro that big.

- I forgot all about that. - He looked cute like that, I think.

What's Marcus' wife like?

She's like a wife.

Well, I mean, she must be pretty amazing to keep a guy like Marcus.

Keep a guy like what?

Well, you know, watching him tonight, he's very...

...sort of take charge.

The way he was throwing guys this way and that.

You know, there's something about him.

I don't know what it is. He's so smooth.

Boy...

I bet...

...his wife's enjoying the smoothness right this minute.

- He got a quality women respond to. - Sure.

I can't imagine the kind of woman that wouldn't find Marcus...

...attractive.

Probably couldn't be around him and...

...just, you know, like our situation.

- If two people were alone-- - No, not with a guy like that.

Excuse me.

What is wrong with him?

This one goes on the bulletin board at work.

[PHONE RINGS]

Don't do that. No, come on.

[OVER PHONE] Mike, put it back in. I can't believe you took it out.

Come on. Marcus will kill us if he finds out. Give it to me.

I can't believe I let you see it.

Motherfucker!

[♪♪♪]

Goddamn it.

Got some jewelry for you.

I'm sorry, but damn that.

Whoa. I think we need to address...

...this serious lack of trust in this relationship.

- Please. - Is this legal? I don't think it's legal.

I won't be long.

Oh, it's legal.

Out of sight.

Yeah, Sanchez, Lowrey. Yeah, your mother. Listen.

I think these guys are about to make a move.

Blue convertible. Two visible occupants. Check it out, all right?

- Hey, hey, hey. Here we go. - Is that our guy?

Where's the girl?

I don't see any girl.

[DOG BARKING]

Fuck off, barking-ass dog. Shut up!

Sneak up on my own motherfucking house.

MAN 1: What in the world?

Very strange.

His ass is upstairs. Supposed to be my boy!

You motherfucker!

Like ducking and weaving, up and down.

MARCUS: Look at this shit. This is what you want?

Got me climbing like a fucking chimp.

No, I ain't going out like that.

Don't take nobody that goddamn long to get in bed.

Got my babies in the house.

The man can't get no quality time...

...but, oh, yeah, my partner can get some quality time.

I don't play that shit.

- Oh, my God. Somebody's out there! MIKE: Get the kids. Get the kids!

MARCUS: I knew it! I didn't even have to call a fucking psychic line.

MIKE: Freeze!

Move, and you're dead.

MAN 1: Gun right up to his head.

They're going to shoot each other. This is unbelievable.

- Miami Police! Freeze! - I am the police!

Marcus, what are you doing?

- You're doing Theresa! - No, I'm not!

- You're doing my baby! - Marcus, shut up!

MAN 2: We could sneak up and snuff them both right now.

MAN 1: Yeah, but we're supposed to get the girl.

Never fuck with a cop's family, asshole.

- Doesn't that piss you off? RUIZ: That pisses the fuck out of me.

Yeah, yeah. Don't get me started. Get out of the car.

Motherfucker!

This whole shit is making you crazy, man!

You know damn well it ain't nothing going on between me and Theresa!

Man, I've been your partner for six years...

...and I've been your boy all my life.

For you to even think...!

To even let some dumb shit like that creep up in your mind!

This is me, man! What's wrong with you?

Man, fucking...

- I'm just... THERESA: Mike!

I'm fine!

Get the fuck out of here, man! Where's Julie?

She's in the car, handcuffed to the steering wheel.

Are you trying to blow this whole case?

My bad. I ain't had no quality time.

You know how that shit is. Sometimes you do dumb shit.

- My bad, all right? - It's cool, man.

Go, go. All right.

These phone calls were made to Club Hell from this precinct.

Explain.

I'm gonna ask you one more time.

Give me a name. Give me a goddamn name!

Okay. Okay.

- All I know is his name. - Give me his name.

RUIZ: You're looking at a lot of time, you know that?

Fouchet.

Fouchet, I think.

- That's his whole name, "Fouchet"? - Fouchet. I'm just an errand boy.

Stop it, please. You're gonna make me cry.

I swear. Watching the house was my first gig.

SANCHEZ: How sweet. Does that make you union?

You know something? If you were a real cop...

...in the field, working every day...

- ...you'd realize that shit happens. - Don't give me that crap.

You know, you're on your way to being reassigned.

- Shut down. - Who's gonna reassign me? You?

You don't have the authority to reassign me. So until you do...

...stay the hell out of here!

They should just bone and get that shit over with.

I'm getting really tired of this.

You're tired?

[♪♪♪]

They're overfed, they're lazy. We need video surveillance.

- These guard dogs are nothing. - Jojo!

Don't make this hard!

Nice running into you, Jojo.

Always making it hard on yourself, Jojo.

Gee, Julie, what have you been up to the last couple of days?

Oh, nothing. Just hanging out, handcuffed to steering wheels.

MARCUS: Now we're looking for someone...

...who could step on a shit-load of heroin.

Do it real fast, real well. We're looking for a real pro, Jojo.

Well, I told you already, I'm in the rubber business now.

Jojo, we're not playing, man.

- Huh? - I'm telling you, man, I'm straight.

I'm straight like a board, like an arrow. I'm so straight, it's sick.

Jojo. It's a lot of dope, man. Who could cut it real quick?

Cut it? You mean, cut it up?

I'm sick of this bullshit.

Bullshit!

- What's up, yo? - You're pulling a gun on me?

You guys are cops! I can't believe this. I should turn you in to Hard Copy.

- Put your ass on TV. - What you doing?

I got this. Jojo...

- I got 15 bullets in this gun. - Mike!

I swear, if you don't start talking to me...

...I'm gonna fill your lying ass full of some hot shit. What's up?

He's a former ganja-smoking motherfucker.

- He ain't worth it. - Do you want some?

I'll bust your ass too!

So sad.

You're on your own, Jojo.

- What's up, Jo? - But I'm gonna tell you like this...

...you splatter his ass, he's no good to us. Fuck that.

Fuck that. I'm not going down over this shit.

I'm not going down for you killing Jojo the tire man!

Okay, okay.

Fuck that! I don't want no brain fragments on me.

That shit gets in your clothes and it stinks.

- Okay. MARCUS: Fuck that, Jojo!

I'll tell you what I know.

I don't know everything about everything.

I know a little bit about a little bit.

- Tell him something, Jo. - There's three guys.

They got a laboratory-- No, no.

[GUN COCKS]

It's two guys. One guy died in a plane crash last year.

There needs to be more!

No, it's one guy, really. It's only one guy.

Don't fuck with me, Jojo.

This guy's an Einstein, motherfucking genius college boy...

...fucking egghead motherfucker. He got four eyes and glasses.

He got a rich mom and daddy who live in Coconut Grove.

Where? Tell him again, Jojo!

I'll tell you where it's at.

MIKE: You'd do that for us, Jojo?

Yeah. I want to help. Just take that gun down. I got the address...

...in the...

...office.

- Thanks. Why don't you go grab that. - Cool.

- You can go ahead. - Now?

Yeah, now's good. Now is real good.

This is on me.

Why don't you pick out some whitewalls for yourselves.

A little gift from me to you.

You made me think you were going to shoot me for a minute.

I was.

MARCUS: Man, when's this punk-ass chemist coming home?

JULIE: So...

This is a stakeout.

Not what I imagined.

Thought there'd be more conversation.

Sorry, it's not up to your...

...usual high standards.

Is he always like this on a stakeout?

What is it? Too much caffeine?

Not enough sex?

MIKE: Ooh, I can't believe she went there on you.

You don't know who you talking to?

That's Mike Lowrey over there.

King Ding-a-ling.

Go ahead, why don't you whip it out for her, big boy?

Uh-huh, right on your forehead.

- Shut up. - Yeah.

[♪♪♪]

There he is! Let's go!

- Let's go! Move! - I'm on him!

MARCUS: What are our chances?

Well, remember Club Hell?

Worse.

That's it. Call major backup.

I want motherfucking swimming ducks in here.

Whoa, hold it. Come on, man.

You know Sinclair got every phone in the station tapped.

We gotta do that in person.

MARCUS: Shit. By the time we deal with her bullshit...

...every junkie in America will be high off our bust.

Can we help you?

Hey, I staked out all night in the back of that jalopy too.

I think I earned a peek.

Hey, this is real cop stuff, okay? This is not Charlie's Angels.

All right, all right. Can't hurt for her to take a peek.

It can't hurt to look? If they fire a goddamn bullet over here, it'll hurt!

We have guests.

Have them followed.

Don't do anything, just call me with their location.

This high-speed chase, ending on a trestle...

...near the River Drive and 34th Street's intersection...

...was captured two nights ago by our news team.

Mom!

I thought you said Daddy was in Cleveland.

Can't be in Cleveland.

MAN [ON TV]: The officers didn't like our cameras.

No, baby. Your daddy just wishes he was in Cleveland.

MARCUS: I'm telling you, this Fouchet, he's slick.

FBI, DEA, they got nothing on him.

But he got to deal with us today.

What's that?

That's the last time they ever handcuff me.

That's what that is.

Good boy.

Excuse me, ma'am. Ma'am!

All visitors must be announced!

Pisses me off!

Lady! Lady!

I guess when you guys get back, this'll all be over, right?

MARCUS: You got that right.

Now don't worry, though. You'll be set free.

Cut loose.

You'll be back to your own life.

No more handcuffs.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

- I'm out of here. - That's Chet with my veggie burger.

- Move your ass. - You got it.

Hi, can I help you?

Yes, I'm here to kill my husband, Marcus Burnett.

And that'd be the tall one or the short one?

The short one.

Thought so.

MARCUS: Is Chet ringing the--?

Oh, babe!

Um, Theresa. Uh....

- Let me get your husband. - Marcus, get over here.

Okay. I know what it looks like. Did you get my message?

- Huh? - Um...

Can you...

...leave me and...

...Mrs. Burnett alone?

JULIE: Right.

Y'all met?

Baby...

I know-- So let me--

As far as I'm concerned...

...you can keep the wedding ring in your pocket...

...because you and your little girlfriend--

Oh, shit.

--and Mike will all be very happy living here.

Sweetie! Sweetie, honey!

[DOGS BARKING]

- It's not even-- - Uh-uh. No, no, I saw it on the news.

That shit be having a slant.

No, you're no longer welcome to my house.

He didn't tell you I was coming in the airport early?

Remember, I said call her...

...that you was gonna bring me to your place? Hold on.

Tell her about what I told you, man.

- You were gonna bring me here-- - Julie!

All right. I ain't even going to-- You know, no.

We're not arguing about this.

Okay. I'm raising my--

All right-- Baby!

Believe me, we wanted to tell you.

You know what? It really doesn't matter anymore, Marcus--

Mike, Kojak, whatever your name is, okay?

Aside from the fact, I'll tell you something else:

If his wife can find us, I'm a lot better off on my own.

This...

- I can see how it would look a trip. - Uh-huh.

You see me, I run out, I got a shirt open.

You see Mike, he half-butt-naked.

Then you see the white girl.

So the shit looks like we having one big motherfucking orgy...

...and ain't nobody humped.

I'm telling you. Ain't nobody doing none of that.

It's not what it looks like, okay? Hear what I'm saying.

Baby, she's a material witness.

- That-- - That's real!

Baby, Theresa, listen.

It was orders. Listen, it was orders.

Julie-- Can I talk to you?

Can you stop so I can talk to you, please?

Enough with the smooth shit, Mike. It's not going to work anymore.

[♪♪♪]

I don't care what you say!

Duck!

Julie, get down!

Get down!

[SCREAMS]

- Get out! JULIE: Mike!

911!

Yeah. 911? Yeah. Chet here.

Go upstairs and take this! Take it!

Don't worry. I'll keep everybody calm until my backup arrive.

I love you, Marcus.

Shit, I forgot to give them the address!

CASPER: Go, go, go!

Watch it! Watch it!

Keep going!

Get her in!

[JULIE SCREAMING]

Move!

It's okay.

I'm with the police. It's cool. You look great.

Drive!

Don't ever say I wasn't there for you.

HOWARD: What is it with you guys?

How come it always has to be good news/bad news?

[PHONE RINGING]

You know exactly where the dope is, but you lose our only witness.

- I just don't get it! RUIZ: Lowrey, pick up your phone!

- Lowrey. FOUCHET: Hi, Mr. Lowrey.

I'm keeping your sweet little friend for four hours, until I make my deal.

And I will make my deal.

I just put a bullet in the chemist...

...who fucked with my timetable.

The other one is for the girl. Okay?

Son of a bitch!

That twisted motherfucker just shot one of his employees.

Says if we don't back up, he's gonna kill Julie.

HOWARD: Not now.

I told you to play by the rules.

Don't do this to me now. I'm on the verge of solving this case!

You turned South Beach into a war zone.

I've finally got the authority to shut you down.

As of today, you're all reassigned.

All right, this guy is painting me into a corner.

Look. He's gonna kill the girl anyway. We won't let her die.

And we're not walking away from this bust...

...I don't give a shit what she says.

So the deal goes down in four hours.

That means you guys got two hours to find them.

It's time to get lucky.

Go do what you got to do.

MIKE: Look, Fletcher, you kind of told us...

...that this thing would move a little quicker.

FLETCHER: Hey, man, it's not that easy, okay?

If it was that easy, you guys would be doing it.

Hey, man. Work your magic. You say you're a computer whiz.

Hey, man. Back up off me, okay? I'm doing an illegal favor for you.

Okay, this is what I got put in jail for in the first place.

So you back up off me.

Man, you don't sit your lanky ass down, bottom line...

...I will knock you the fuck out! What the fuck is wrong with you?

- Can you have a seat? - You said you'd get me out of jail.

And I wasn't lying, Fletcher.

Cops are so dumb. Look, it's coming up.

Remember, you promised to get me out.

Eddie Dominguez.

There it is. Voilà.

MIKE: Girlfriend?

FRANCINE: It was New Year's Eve, and my ex-boyfriend Eddie...

...and this French guy...

...they took some really horrible pictures of me.

And they said...

...that they'd put them up on the bulletin board at my kid's school...

...unless I gave them a lot of narcotics information.

But I never-- I never gave them you...

...or the girl.

Look, they got the girl. We need to get them now.

Because if we don't, they're gonna kill her.

How do you make contact?

I have their mobile-phone number.

I know, I'm sorry. Listen.

Mike, I'll make it up to you. I will. I'll do anything you want.

We don't have a lot of time. Let's go.

You have such sexy ears, you know that?

I want to lick them.

[PHONE RINGS]

- Yeah. - Can I speak to Romeo?

No, there ain't no Romeo here, asshole. Who you laughing at?

Now this cell phone will keep triangulating him...

...no matter where he goes.

We'll watch this on this map until he stops.

[♪♪♪]

MAN [OVER RADIO]: Sector 2-3-4.

TECHNICIAN: The signal's still strong.

- We still have a lock. - Come on, baby.

Thank you.

Lucy was the queen, baby. Think about it.

Lucille Ball was a bimbo. What are you talking about?

- Desi was the whole brains behind it. - How could you say that?

What do you mean how can I say that?

Take the bongos away, he's nothing.

It's conga, don't be so stupid.

MIKE: Yo, fellas, what's up?

RUIZ: The fucking pencil squad.

Hey, what, you get us assigned to traffic duty?

No, this is real. We got something for you.

This shit could get you killed.

Let's go.

MAN: Here we go!

It's Conrad.

I'm calling in a favor.

TECHNICIAN: Eastbound towards 135th Street.

Northeast, keep going northeast.

If I'm wrong about this, you can fire my ass.

This is what I need:

I need a SWAT team, helicopters.

We're calling all cars here, baby.

Only I don't know where we need them.

- Very nice car you got there. - Oh, yeah.

That's my toy.

I'm taking it with me for my collection.

And how about the wire transfers?

Two wire transfers to your banks...

...totaling 180 million dollars.

And 20 in cash.

CASPER: Damn.

This has been a shitty week.

MAN: Getting full integration on that signal.

Yeah, we're on the airfield now.

You know what, I bet it's up in the old hangar section.

MAN: Let's bring it up! Pick it up!

Deposit confirmation requested.

90 million, Geldersbank of Zurich.

No easy approach.

MARCUS: No time. Fuck the backup.

We gotta go now.

Not a problem.

What, do you got an itch? I'd love to scratch it.

Scratch this.

I'll scratch whatever you want me to, you blue-eyed bitch.

Did you go to college?

[♪♪♪]

Thank you.

- You guys sure you want to do this? - Hey, look, let's go!

- Tuck in your skirt. Come on! - My shit always works sometimes!

This is the best you can buy.

It's been very nice doing business with you.

Oh, shit.

MAN: Fouchet, it's a setup!

[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

If I get killed, I'm fucking you up!

Goddamn it, go, go, go!

Go, goddamn it!

Okay, okay.

My God!

[YELLING]

Julie!

Oh, motherf--

Get down!

Shit!

You forgot your boarding pass!

[SCREAMING]

HENCHMAN: You motherfuckers!

What's up?

Oh, shit!

[GROANING]

[CAR STARTS]

[GUNSHOT]

Mike, let's go!

Mike, get in the car!

Get in! Come on!

- Let's go! Get in! JULIE: Get in the car, goddamn it!

Get in! This shit's going to blow!

JULIE: Get up!

Oh, shit! Please, catch that motherfucker, he shot me.

- He shot you, he shot me! - You all right?

I'm fine. I just had a little run-in...

...with your friend Jim Brown over here, but I'm fine.

He steals our shit...

...kidnaps Julie, shoots at my wife.

Oh, we beating him down! We beating him down!

Marcus, I just got one question for you, bro.

How the hell you gonna leave my ass at a gunfight to go get the car?

You have got to shut up and let him drive, okay?

Seem like that gunshot wound has improved your driving skills.

You got the right to remain silent.

Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

Yo, man, what the fuck are you doing?

Getting it out the way.

Just punch it, man! Punch it! Go!

This car's faster. This is a faster fucking car!

It's gonna be one or the other, baby! It's gonna be him or it's gonna be us!

You better fucking win, that's all I know!

You better win! You better win!

Now that's how you supposed to drive!

From now on, that's how you drive!

[GROANING]

[♪♪♪]

Freeze!

He ain't even worth killing, man.

MIKE: Freeze!

Fouchet. I bet when your punk-ass woke up this morning...

...you didn't think about 5:00 you'd have a hole in your leg, did you?

You couldn't kill me, you chickenshit, could you?

Oh, no. I could. You're talking like it's over.

I was just pausing.

See, I'm starting to get the hang of this whole marksman shit...

...you know what I mean?

That shooting them from 30 yards while they running away--

No, that's not it.

Here's where it is, right here.

- Point blank, up close and personal. - Mike.

That's what I'm talking about.

- Would you do it? MARCUS: Mike, step off.

Do it. Do it!

Do it!

It's over.

He's a joke.

He's a motherfucking joke.

MARCUS: I ever tell you I love you, man?

MIKE: Yeah, you know you always be getting emotional after gunfights.

MARCUS: Just because I'm glad we survived.

Shit.

What you talking about?

I love you too, man.

Don't be looking at me. I said, yeah, I love you. I said that shit.

You my boy, man.

MIKE: No, no, you like my brother, man.

JULIE: So, what am I?

[♪♪♪]

- Oh, man... - Julie, sweetie, you...

You're a little dangerous.

See, you like a magnet for random gunfire.

But you're all right. You're cool.

You're down.

So, what's next?

No, no. See...

...there ain't gonna be no next.

Whoa, Marcus, Marc-- Come on, man.

You wanted Mike Lowrey...

...you got him.

Right here. That's Mike. Old Mike Lowrey.

I'm going home to my wife to get my quality time.

Marcus, why don't you stop playing, man?

I been beat three times since we been out here.

I'm cool, man, I don't need no help. Please, back up. Don't need no help.

I don't know why you're going home to your wife.

You got shot in your leg, your dick don't work.

JULIE: Marcus, do you have the keys?

MARCUS: Mike wanted me to go to this gunfight, then...

Well, then there was this witness...

My man! Oh, I'm sorry.

- My man, let me out of here. - I don't got the keys.

What do you mean, you don't have no keys?

Why wouldn't you have keys?

Marcus, I thought you said you love me!

Show me love!

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]