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1
00:00:01,235 --> 00:00:02,636
More lemonade, sir?
2
00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:04,338
Full disclosure,
it's a pitcher of water
3
00:00:04,372 --> 00:00:07,608
we can't get
the lemon taste out of.
4
00:00:07,641 --> 00:00:09,410
Sir?
5
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,648
Max, either this guy's
pretending to be dead
6
00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:16,117
to get out of paying the check
7
00:00:16,150 --> 00:00:18,786
or Oleg's chili
has killed again.
8
00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:20,521
This is my Earl mirror.
9
00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:23,157
I use it during naps to
make sure he's still breathing.
10
00:00:23,191 --> 00:00:25,659
And 80% of the time he is.
11
00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:34,402
Han, there's a dead body
at table three,
12
00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:37,771
the saddest place to die
other than table two.
13
00:00:37,805 --> 00:00:39,807
Oleg, get out here!
14
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,310
Someone's deader
than Max's emotions.
15
00:00:44,312 --> 00:00:47,615
I really should
throw away that chili.
16
00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:50,451
Let's prop him up outside
with a Salvation Army bucket.
17
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:53,421
Whatever he collects,
we split in the morning.
18
00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:55,489
Uh, count me out.
19
00:00:55,523 --> 00:00:58,292
If they catch the five of us
with a dead body,
20
00:00:58,326 --> 00:01:01,695
you know they're gonna
blame the black guy.
21
00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:06,234
Okay, everyone grab
a limb and lift.
22
00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:11,572
How's everything tasting?
23
00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:13,807
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
24
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:21,081
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
25
00:01:24,652 --> 00:01:26,220
Max, you're not
gonna believe it.
26
00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:28,489
Bobby's in the shower!
27
00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:32,493
That's how much he likes me,
he's using our shower.
28
00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:35,796
He makes me so happy.
29
00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:39,267
Yeah, I heard.
30
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:41,235
It sounded like someone
was trying to connect
31
00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:44,505
with a dial-up modem out here.
32
00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:45,873
Sorry.
33
00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:47,608
That's just what I sound like
34
00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:50,411
when I go online.
35
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,813
But really, he makes me
feel like that all the time.
36
00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:55,616
He's perfect.
We're perfect.
37
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:58,152
Caroline, you shouldn't
get too carried away.
38
00:01:58,186 --> 00:01:59,753
Nothing is perfect.
39
00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:02,623
Except that game
I pitched for the Yankees.
40
00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:04,725
Actually, it is perfect.
41
00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:06,360
We're amazing together,
42
00:02:06,394 --> 00:02:08,696
and I really don't want to hear
from Negative Nancy.
43
00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:11,432
What the--
who's Negative Nancy?
44
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:15,469
Everyone knows I go by
"Negative Juggs McGee."
45
00:02:15,503 --> 00:02:18,739
I'm just saying you don't
know him that well yet.
46
00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:21,675
I know what this is about,
and it's not me and Bobby.
47
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:23,244
You're worried
I'm gonna get hurt
48
00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:24,912
because of what happened
between you and Randy.
49
00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:26,747
It's not about that.
50
00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:28,282
I just know guys,
51
00:02:28,316 --> 00:02:29,517
and you haven't been
in a relationship
52
00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:32,753
since Ben was the best Affleck.
53
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:34,255
Hey there.
54
00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:35,956
It's amazing,
I'm somehow less clean now
55
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:38,626
than when I went in.
56
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,228
I gotta get going, babe.
57
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:41,562
I'll meet you
at the dessert bar.
58
00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:43,397
We're having lunch with
his mom and his sister.
59
00:02:43,431 --> 00:02:45,233
I'm almost part
of the family now.
60
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:46,800
Well, if you were
part of the family
61
00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,269
you'd be
addicted to Diet Pepsi
62
00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:50,271
and get into mall fights
on Black Friday.
63
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:52,540
Then I might be a cousin.
64
00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:54,375
Oh, you know what?
I'll walk you out.
65
00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:55,943
If Homeless Larry
tries to grab you,
66
00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:57,811
-I can fend him off.
-Yeah.
67
00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,414
Oh, careful, he's got
barbecue tongs now.
68
00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:06,487
Aww.
69
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:07,821
Look at those two.
70
00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:12,493
That PDA is making me want
to M-A-S-T-U--
71
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,428
Ah, I would stop you,
72
00:03:14,462 --> 00:03:17,431
but I doubt you know
what comes after U.
73
00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:20,401
Usually me.
74
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,972
What do you guys want?
75
00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:28,542
Well, we're looking
for some entertainment.
76
00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:31,712
Oleg and I have
binge-watched everything.
77
00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:34,782
You know, we even watched
the Santa Clarita Diet.
78
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:36,984
Now that's one diet
I'm not gonna stick to.
79
00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:42,690
Oh, Bobby must have
left his phone here.
80
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:45,326
-Oh, crap.
-What's wrong?
81
00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:47,961
It's a text from Bobby's ex,
Jessica.
82
00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:50,331
It says, "Call me about baby."
83
00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:53,334
Do Bobby and Jessica
have a baby?
84
00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:55,269
Are they going to have one?
85
00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:58,539
And why does Bobby have
a rose gold iPhone?
86
00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:03,010
Maybe he got it
with his yearly mammogram.
87
00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:05,946
I knew this relationship
was too good to be true.
88
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:08,616
Looks like
I'm not Negative Nancy,
89
00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:11,752
more like Reality Check Rita.
90
00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:14,422
Then why the hell
have I been calling you Max?
91
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:18,359
Oh, just a heads-up,
92
00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:19,927
Bobby's family is on
its way over,
93
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,530
so any X-rated puppeteering
you have to do,
94
00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:23,964
now is the time.
95
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:27,768
Speaking of Bobby
and people he knows,
96
00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:31,939
uh, does he still talk
to what's-her-name, Jessica?
97
00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:33,374
Pfft, no.
98
00:04:33,407 --> 00:04:35,543
She is long gone,
like my bangs
99
00:04:35,576 --> 00:04:38,846
or democracy.
100
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,414
Bobby never brings her up.
101
00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:42,383
We just talk about
our common interests,
102
00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:44,084
like how much
we like my hair
103
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,886
or how pretty I am.
104
00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:47,988
Yeah, but circling back
to other people,
105
00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:50,424
which is very hard with you,
106
00:04:50,458 --> 00:04:53,527
Jessica, do they talk?
Text?
107
00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:55,796
Share custody?
108
00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:57,798
Max, why are you
asking about her?
109
00:04:57,831 --> 00:05:00,401
Jessica is his ex-girlfriend.
110
00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:02,836
All Bobby's ever said about her
is that she's a wedding planner
111
00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:04,438
and she's out of his life.
112
00:05:04,472 --> 00:05:05,973
I know that's hard
for you to believe,
113
00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:08,108
like the moon landing.
114
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,410
Hey!
115
00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:10,978
You never see their faces.
116
00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:14,982
They brought back no cheese.
Just saying.
117
00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:17,518
-Now, please, just drop it.
-Fine-ah!
118
00:05:17,551 --> 00:05:19,387
Fine-ah.
119
00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:21,989
Oh, hi, Denise.
120
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:23,824
Where's your mom and Bobby?
121
00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:25,626
Oh, we don't ride
the subway together
122
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,428
in case there's a crash.
123
00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:29,563
Somebody's gotta be around
for Black Friday.
124
00:05:29,597 --> 00:05:32,032
Well, now that
Bobby's sister is here,
125
00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:34,101
I don't wanna mess up
your perfect brunch.
126
00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:36,136
I'm going to the diner,
where the only perfect thing
127
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:39,640
is the owl-to-rat ratio.
128
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,509
So you own this place?
129
00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,877
Man, I'd love to be my own boss.
130
00:05:43,911 --> 00:05:45,679
Mine treats me like garbage.
131
00:05:45,713 --> 00:05:48,749
If I want to get freaky
with the UPS guy on my break,
132
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:51,051
that's my time.
133
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:54,121
So what is it you do,
besides the UPS guy?
134
00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:57,491
I work the counter at
the Mail Boxes and Other Things.
135
00:05:57,525 --> 00:06:00,594
It's like Mail Boxes Etc,
but we have other things.
136
00:06:00,628 --> 00:06:01,729
Oh.
137
00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:02,896
I know it sounds cool,
138
00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:04,732
but my boss
is always on me.
139
00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:06,567
Well, maybe you should
talk to your boss.
140
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,969
You know, tell him how you feel,
stand up for yourself.
141
00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:10,571
I'm not great
with confrontation,
142
00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:13,474
partially because
I had bad depth perception.
143
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:17,545
Like, I have no idea how
far away you are right now.
144
00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:22,983
I'm right here.
145
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:25,118
On second base.
146
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,757
Well, I think you're great,
147
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:32,760
and not inappropriate at all.
148
00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:35,663
And if your boss can't see that,
well, maybe you should quit.
149
00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:40,534
So the gentleman who looked
like Abraham Lincoln,
150
00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:44,171
was that a hipster
or an Orthodox Jew?
151
00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:47,407
Either way, I don't understand
why you gave him a dollar.
152
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:52,112
Mom, I quit!
153
00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:56,784
Wait, your mom is your boss?
154
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,218
Is it the UPS man?
155
00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:01,555
He's your godfather.
It's untoward.
156
00:07:01,589 --> 00:07:02,890
Where's this coming from?
157
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,458
From my new best friend
158
00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:06,026
and women-in-business mentor,
159
00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:08,929
Caroline.
160
00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:15,235
You told my daughter
to quit working for me?
161
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:18,071
I'm sure she meant
a different Caroline.
162
00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:19,673
I don't know.
163
00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:23,477
Everything got blurry
after she touched my boobs.
164
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:29,617
Han, I'm about to say
what you said to me
165
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:31,619
when you were trying to get
into an R-rated movie.
166
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:33,687
I need your help.
167
00:07:33,721 --> 00:07:37,558
I told you three times,
I don't fit up drain pipes.
168
00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:40,093
Listen, I just saw this text
on Bobby's phone
169
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,829
from his ex-girlfriend,
Jessica.
170
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:44,164
I think they might have
a secret baby together.
171
00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:47,501
Wow, that would really
devastate Caroline.
172
00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:52,606
More importantly, Bobby and I
are rose gold buddies.
173
00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:55,108
I just have to make sure
before I say anything
174
00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:56,276
to panic Caroline.
175
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:57,845
I need to do
some detective work,
176
00:07:57,878 --> 00:07:59,246
so you and I are gonna go down
177
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:00,581
to Jessica's
wedding planning business
178
00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:01,749
and pretend we're a couple.
179
00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:04,652
Obviously I'll be the groom.
180
00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:06,554
Max, this might come
as a surprise to you,
181
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:07,988
but I'm a very busy man.
182
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:10,591
I don't have time for your
sophomoric high jinks.
183
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:13,126
Uh, that's what they said
to Adam Sandler,
184
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,862
and it only made him richer.
185
00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:17,565
I'm flattered
I was your first choice.
186
00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:20,534
Man, she asked me
five people ago.
187
00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:22,603
I think she was down
to you or a broom,
188
00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:25,873
and the broom was busy.
189
00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:29,610
If I'm doing this, we have
to use our best acting skills,
190
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:32,846
'cause who's gonna believe
you landed me?
191
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:36,817
Ugh, really wish Steve the Broom
didn't have Pilates at 4:00.
192
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:41,855
I'm so sorry, Mrs. Ferraro.
193
00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:43,857
I had no idea
you were the awful boss
194
00:08:43,891 --> 00:08:46,760
that was making
her life miserable.
195
00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:48,061
Bobby, why didn't you tell me
196
00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:50,130
your mom owns
a Mail Boxes and Other Things?
197
00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:53,100
I didn't want you to date me
for the unlimited bubble wrap.
198
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:55,569
Denise can't cope
out in the world.
199
00:08:55,603 --> 00:08:56,804
You know how many times
she's touched
200
00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:58,171
our neighbor's electric fence.
201
00:08:58,205 --> 00:08:59,907
To be fair,
they installed it
202
00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:02,075
to keep her from falling
in their pool.
203
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:04,612
Well, you did this.
You take care of it.
204
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:05,946
She's your responsibility now.
205
00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:08,982
Bobby, bring home
some deserts for me.
206
00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:11,318
From Dunkin'!
207
00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:13,153
Bobby, I am so sorry.
208
00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:15,689
I don't want our first fight
to be over a misunderstanding.
209
00:09:15,723 --> 00:09:17,290
I want it to be
about something important,
210
00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:19,793
like if you want a soul patch.
211
00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:21,361
We're not fighting.
212
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:22,763
This is a bump.
213
00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:24,665
I think you're overreacting.
214
00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:25,966
Then why are you yelling?
215
00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:27,668
I'm not yelling.
216
00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:30,604
Man, what's with
all the yelling?
217
00:09:30,638 --> 00:09:34,875
Oh, Oleg,
let's see where this goes.
218
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:38,211
It's already better
than everything on Amazon.
219
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:41,214
Just with it was a little bit
more Game of Thrones-y.
220
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,784
And by that,
I mean a little more topless.
221
00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:47,655
And by that I mean,
oh, oh, Bobby.
222
00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:50,023
Caroline, we're not fighting.
223
00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:52,359
But please,
don't get in the middle
224
00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:54,027
of my ma and Denise again.
225
00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:54,895
My aunt tried once.
226
00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:57,665
Now she's really scared
of ceiling fans.
227
00:09:57,698 --> 00:10:00,834
I gotta go.
I still can't find my phone.
228
00:10:00,868 --> 00:10:03,704
Oleg, this is our new show.
229
00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:07,040
Grab the popcorn from my purse.
230
00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:10,277
You want cheddar cheese
or kettle corn?
231
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:12,680
You know I can hear you, right?
232
00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:16,917
Okay, this must be
Jessica's office.
233
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:19,252
Oh, here, better put this on
for the bit.
234
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:21,188
This was smuggled out
of North Korea
235
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:24,925
by my great-grandfather
in his great backside.
236
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:27,861
Oh, the classic tush cut.
237
00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:31,131
Now remember,
we're detectives.
238
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:34,234
We're like Cagney and the only
guy I could get to come with me.
239
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,337
Hi.
240
00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:39,740
You must be Max and Han.
241
00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:41,742
I'm Jessica.
242
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:43,310
Thanks so much for coming in.
243
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:46,179
Oh, you guys are so super cute.
244
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:51,284
How does our cuteness
compare to, say, a baby?
245
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:53,053
Wow, you're thinking ahead.
246
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:55,756
Or are you expecting
a little one?
247
00:10:55,789 --> 00:10:59,259
Ha, I've already got
a little one.
248
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:01,028
What about you?
249
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:03,430
Making fun of my size
is kind of our thing.
250
00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:06,066
Like, making sweet love.
251
00:11:10,971 --> 00:11:13,707
So I'm with child.
Are you?
252
00:11:13,741 --> 00:11:15,743
Actually, I'm--
253
00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:16,944
So for the wedding,
254
00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:18,946
I was thinking
of a nature theme.
255
00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:20,914
Something in the park,
whimsical of course,
256
00:11:20,948 --> 00:11:23,316
with lanterns and flowers,
a big tent.
257
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:25,052
Oh, oh, really?
258
00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:28,288
You want a big top, Pee-wee?
Jessica was talking.
259
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:29,890
Sorry, dear.
260
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:32,860
The old ball and chain
hates when I get a word in.
261
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:36,196
Sign me up for a lifetime.
262
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:38,331
Sorry, uh, I missed
what you were saying
263
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:39,967
about having a baby.
264
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,935
We're not here
to talk about me.
265
00:11:41,969 --> 00:11:44,037
Let's talk about you
and your affair.
266
00:11:44,071 --> 00:11:47,841
Oh, I'm definitely
gonna have one.
267
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,947
Thanks for texting, Caroline.
268
00:11:53,981 --> 00:11:57,017
I've been a little lost since
you made me quit my job with Ma.
269
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,853
Mostly 'cause I couldn't
find the L train.
270
00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:02,856
But I saw a guy kill a chicken.
271
00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:04,958
I thought you and I
could get together
272
00:12:04,992 --> 00:12:06,960
and figure out
your next career move,
273
00:12:06,994 --> 00:12:11,064
which does not necessarily
need to be forward.
274
00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:13,000
No, I'm not going back
to my ma's store
275
00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:15,168
no matter how much I miss
hiding in boxes
276
00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:16,970
and scaring people.
277
00:12:17,004 --> 00:12:20,774
Well, let's brainstorm
on your next career move.
278
00:12:20,808 --> 00:12:22,075
Hmm.
279
00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:25,012
I've always wanted
to be a model.
280
00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:28,015
I've been told I look great
with my pants down.
281
00:12:31,018 --> 00:12:32,920
You are more than just a body.
282
00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:36,189
Hmm, sometimes
I'm not so sure.
283
00:12:36,223 --> 00:12:38,125
Hey, what about working here?
284
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:40,928
How hard can it be?
You do it.
285
00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:42,495
Actually, this job
requires a lot--
286
00:12:42,529 --> 00:12:44,131
You don't have
to talk me into it.
287
00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:45,365
I'll do it.
288
00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:48,135
Give me the Frisbee
with the drinks on it.
289
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:51,271
Okay, I guess you could help out
until Max gets back.
290
00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:53,440
Or until someone gets hurt,
probably me.
291
00:12:56,043 --> 00:12:58,345
As magic hour
descends over the city,
292
00:12:58,378 --> 00:13:01,414
Max and I will retire
to the honeymoon suite
293
00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:05,552
where she carries me
over the threshold.
294
00:13:05,585 --> 00:13:08,922
Excited for what's to come.
295
00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:11,291
Well, it's not gonna be
either of us.
296
00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:16,296
So, uh, back to you, Jess.
297
00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:18,565
Ooh, the party favors
could be little compasses
298
00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:21,368
that lead you to your table.
299
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:25,205
Or to a waiting escape boat.
300
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:28,008
Are you sure you two
are right for each other?
301
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,576
Are you kidding?
302
00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:33,046
I am obsessed with him.
303
00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:37,217
We're two people madly in love.
Right, Max?
304
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:41,188
Bring those lips
over here and...
305
00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:46,293
don't forget to invite
your tongue to the party.
306
00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:51,464
Oh, I'm sure
she can see we're in love
307
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:55,235
without having to put
our mouths on each other.
308
00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:57,270
Please.
309
00:13:57,304 --> 00:13:59,339
She's shy.
Once she starts,
310
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:02,409
it's hard to put the snake
back in the can.
311
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:35,375
Could you feel the heat
from where you are?
312
00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:40,047
Are you wearing lip gloss?
313
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:42,449
Listen, I've been down
this road before.
314
00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:44,517
With a stroller?
315
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:47,988
I'm just asking because
that's how I push him around.
316
00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:50,457
This wedding isn't making it
to the banquet hall.
317
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:52,625
I don't even think
it's making it to the car.
318
00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:55,262
-You two should go.
-Ah.
319
00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:57,264
You're moody.
320
00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:02,669
Uh, are you pregnant?
321
00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:04,037
Meh?
322
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:11,478
Are you sure you want
the flantinis?
323
00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:13,947
Little tip, go buy yourself
a tub of Breyers
324
00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:17,117
and a bottle of vodka
and save yourself 30 bucks.
325
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:20,687
Okay, let's go back over this.
326
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:24,524
The job of a waitress is to get
people to buy things here.
327
00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:27,227
Also you're standing
on my feet right now.
328
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:30,597
Are you sure?
Because I don't feel anything.
329
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:33,433
Gosh, you know what?
Denise is my favorite character.
330
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:36,069
I bet you she looks like
a million bucks
331
00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:38,171
with her pants down.
332
00:15:38,205 --> 00:15:40,073
You know who looks like
2 million bucks
333
00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:43,110
with her skirt
around her ankles?
334
00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:45,012
How--how--
335
00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:48,081
How did I get so lucky?
336
00:15:51,218 --> 00:15:52,519
There she is,
337
00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:54,587
my big shot daughter
who doesn't need me anymore.
338
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:58,625
And the woman who keeps taking
my babies from me.
339
00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:00,627
I'm getting a drink.
340
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:04,331
Oh, great, now they're
all working here.
341
00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:06,466
Denise called my ma
to brag about her new job
342
00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:07,400
at your dessert bar.
343
00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:10,270
Bobby, I know you said
not to get involved,
344
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,072
but I wanted to end our fight.
345
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:15,608
Also, I think your sister
may have broken my pinky toe.
346
00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:17,244
Oh, that's my fault.
347
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:19,212
I didn't teach you the stop sign
when she gets too close.
348
00:16:19,246 --> 00:16:22,215
Am I too close?
349
00:16:22,249 --> 00:16:25,518
FYI, Ma, it's going great here.
350
00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:27,487
Well, if things
are going so great,
351
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,289
why don't you get
your own place
352
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,491
and start toasting your own
waffles in the morning?
353
00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:33,493
Maybe I will.
354
00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:35,362
Maybe I'll move in
with Caroline,
355
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:38,131
and she can teach me how
to use her toaster oven.
356
00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:41,201
We actually have
a pretty small place,
357
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:43,103
and our toaster oven
is being used
358
00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:46,406
as a tanning bed for mice.
359
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:48,608
Oleg texted me
this show was good.
360
00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:51,044
I just finished
The Walking Dead.
361
00:16:51,078 --> 00:16:54,647
It hit a little too close
to home.
362
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:56,216
Yeah, have a seat.
363
00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:58,351
The crazy mom just showed up.
364
00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:01,788
And the hot sister
is yelling at her.
365
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:03,523
Caroline!
366
00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:07,660
I'm not being negative,
but Bobby's a dirtbag.
367
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:10,130
I'm 100% sure he has, had,
368
00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:13,733
or is going to have
a baby with Jessica.
369
00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:21,441
And I'm 100% sure I'm gonna have
a cold sore in the morning.
370
00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:23,610
Baby?
What's going on?
371
00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,312
Bobby, what is going on?
372
00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:29,382
This really is
the golden age of TV.
373
00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:31,418
Max, what are you talking about?
374
00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:34,154
I'm talking about
the text I saw on your phone
375
00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:36,656
from Jessica about your baby.
376
00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:39,426
What are you doing
with my phone?
377
00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:41,461
Bobby, do you have
a baby with Jessica?
378
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:43,563
Bobby, you have
a baby with Jessica?
379
00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:46,833
That takes the sting
out of losing Denise.
380
00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:49,169
A baby?
I don't have a--oh.
381
00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:51,738
Oh, wait.
I have a cat.
382
00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:54,541
A cat named Baby
with Jessica.
383
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:56,209
Ohh.
384
00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:59,212
Ohhh.
385
00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:03,316
So what's happening
around here?
386
00:18:03,350 --> 00:18:05,252
Why didn't you just ask me?
387
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:08,188
Because I was
respecting your boundaries,
388
00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:11,324
which is why I stole your phone.
389
00:18:12,692 --> 00:18:13,460
Makes sense.
390
00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:15,295
Her friend here
forced my daughter
391
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:16,696
to abandon
the family's business.
392
00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:18,465
Neither one of them
knows about boundaries.
393
00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:20,367
I'm throwing these
small glasses away.
394
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,369
They're stupid.
395
00:18:22,402 --> 00:18:24,704
Well, I'm pretty upset myself.
396
00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:29,609
I wasted $20 on the domain name
MaxAndHansWedding.com.
397
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:32,345
We're not really
getting married!
398
00:18:32,379 --> 00:18:34,614
We only went to see Jessica
to find out
399
00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:37,817
if she had a baby
with Bobby, you boobie.
400
00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:39,752
You went to see Jessica?
401
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:42,322
Seems like everyone's in a fight
except for me and Bobby.
402
00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:44,524
Oh, no, we're fighting now.
403
00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:46,426
I saw that text
on Bobby's phone,
404
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,195
and I didn't want you
getting hurt.
405
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:49,762
The only person
who got hurt was me.
406
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:52,232
I kissed Han on the lips.
407
00:18:52,265 --> 00:18:54,534
Ohhh.
408
00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:57,770
Max, you stalked his
ex-girlfriend without me?
409
00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:00,407
Pretty shady move
by your friend, Caroline.
410
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,243
We may want to think
about finding another roommate.
411
00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:05,245
Okay, that's enough.
412
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:07,947
Denise, you need to go back
and work for Ma,
413
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,782
and not only because
that's the only job
414
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:11,251
you're capable of doing,
415
00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:13,320
but also 'cause
Ma's lost without you.
416
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:15,322
And, Max, you need to trust
417
00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:16,923
that I'm not like
every other dirtbag.
418
00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:19,892
And, Caroline, when
two people love each other,
419
00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:22,362
they're gonna fight.
420
00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:25,265
Are the two people
that love each other us?
421
00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:27,667
Don't get bullied
into anything, Bobby.
422
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:31,238
Of course
I'm talking about us.
423
00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:33,573
I love you, Caroline.
424
00:19:37,444 --> 00:19:39,846
I love you, too.
425
00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:41,281
Great.
426
00:19:41,314 --> 00:19:42,782
Two white people
falling in love.
427
00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:45,285
You don't ever
see that on TV.
428
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:50,557
You know what, Ma?
This place is dumb.
429
00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:53,760
I'll come back and work at
Mail Boxes and Other Things.
430
00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:55,828
You know what?
431
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:57,630
You're the other thing.
432
00:19:57,664 --> 00:19:59,566
Come here.
433
00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:06,506
Oleg, get the butt wipes
out of my bag.
434
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:08,541
This is a real tear-jerker.
435
00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:12,379
My second favorite kind
of jerker.
436
00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:14,347
I should get going, too.
437
00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:15,948
I gotta check
some text messages.
438
00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:19,319
And why is my screensaver
a shirtless Vin Diesel?
439
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:21,621
You're welcome.
440
00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:26,693
You know trust is hard for me.
441
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:29,829
That's why I got kicked out
of Cirque du Soleil.
442
00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:34,000
You're the first person in
my life I can actually count on.
443
00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:36,903
Be so great if they made out
right now.
444
00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:42,008
You were the first person
I could count on, too.
445
00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:44,777
I love you, Max.
446
00:20:47,547 --> 00:20:49,649
Okay, we're not there yet.
32796
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