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1
00:00:05,173 --> 00:00:09,043
Oh, my God,
the customers are nakey.
2
00:00:09,077 --> 00:00:10,578
Thank God you're seeing it too.
3
00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:15,116
I thought my X-ray vision
was back.
4
00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:18,286
God bless the annual
naked bike ride.
5
00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:19,453
And where's Oleg?
6
00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:21,522
This is the first lunch rush
in years.
7
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:24,125
Uh, the guy at table three
needs some water
8
00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:26,827
and has an ass mole that should
really get looked at,
9
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,496
but not by me.
10
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,636
Oleg, you're doing
the naked bike ride too?
11
00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:39,173
The naked what?
12
00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:41,175
Okay, gang.
13
00:00:41,209 --> 00:00:42,576
Let's hit the road.
14
00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:44,712
Ugh, oh!
15
00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:46,214
Ooh, ah!
16
00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:47,381
I don't know where to look now.
17
00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:48,816
Nothing's good.
18
00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:55,523
Well, now we have to
burn this place down.
19
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,625
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
20
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:05,133
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
21
00:01:09,237 --> 00:01:10,604
Don't try and stop me.
22
00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:13,174
I'll Mountain Dew it.
23
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:16,877
You know I'm crazy
when I'm all Coked up.
24
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,779
So I heard a lot of noise
25
00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:20,381
coming from your room
last night.
26
00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:22,250
And since I know
that bat is dead,
27
00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:25,119
because it had a heart attack
on my pillow,
28
00:01:25,153 --> 00:01:27,621
I assume you had
a gentleman caller?
29
00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:29,157
He wasn't a gentleman,
30
00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:32,426
but he did wear a monocle
while we did it.
31
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:35,796
Well, you had a much more
exciting night than I did.
32
00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:39,167
Both of my legs fell asleep
on the toilet.
33
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,235
Then so did I.
34
00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:43,771
So you aren't gonna
see him again?
35
00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:45,439
Well, we know every time
Earl walks away,
36
00:01:45,473 --> 00:01:46,707
there's a chance of that.
37
00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,178
I have an announcement.
38
00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:52,246
Whoever keeps putting
peanut butter in my desk,
39
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:53,247
stop.
40
00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:54,915
I'm allergic.
41
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:56,717
And I'm closing the diner
Sunday.
42
00:01:58,319 --> 00:02:00,421
Well, we had a good run.
43
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:01,855
No, we didn't.
44
00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:03,591
Let's scavenge, people!
45
00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:06,160
Bye, y'all!
46
00:02:06,194 --> 00:02:08,396
Where do we keep the money at?
47
00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:12,366
What?
48
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:13,601
I don't want our meat order
49
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:16,604
to fall into the wrong hands.
50
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,239
No, you pile of felons.
51
00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:20,741
I'm closing the diner
for Sunday only.
52
00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:23,744
Well, I'm keeping this stuff
anyway.
53
00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:25,713
And I really hate it.
54
00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:28,382
My new therapist, Gary,
says that I need
55
00:02:28,416 --> 00:02:30,618
to take a day off
to focus on myself.
56
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:33,621
Did he give you
a magnifying glass for that?
57
00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:35,756
Max, Gary says you use
58
00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:37,725
your toxic,
mean-spirited jokes
59
00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:39,793
to keep people like me
at a distance.
60
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:41,395
You know what else works?
61
00:02:41,429 --> 00:02:42,896
Putting my hand
on your forehead.
62
00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:45,233
Max, Gary also says
63
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:46,534
you have a fear of intimacy
64
00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:49,237
stemming from your father
abandoning you.
65
00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:51,639
To put it simply,
you have daddy issues.
66
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,774
The only daddy issues I have
67
00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:55,643
are of Rod Magazine.
68
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:58,412
And there's no such thing
as daddy issues.
69
00:02:58,446 --> 00:03:00,814
If there was, why would
my daughter be married
70
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:03,451
to a forgetful older man
named Burl?
71
00:03:04,585 --> 00:03:06,287
What did Gary say about me, Han?
72
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,689
Were the words "Eliza Doolittle"
used?
73
00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:11,659
Well, you certainly do little,
74
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:12,960
but actually,
you didn't come up.
75
00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:15,296
You don't come up to my knees.
76
00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:16,964
See? That's the kind
of material you need
77
00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:18,599
to get a shout-out.
78
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:21,235
Hey, everybody!
79
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:27,875
Barbara just smiled politely
at her first ugly baby.
80
00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:32,580
Oh, I could learn some manners
from her.
81
00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:34,848
Sophie, it's really not nice
to call a baby "ugly."
82
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,717
Shut up!
83
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:39,553
Oh, I mean...
84
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:40,621
Shut up!
85
00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:43,324
Good news, Sophie.
86
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:44,592
I don't have to work here
87
00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,994
or Bubzie's Hideaway
this Sunday.
88
00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:48,362
We can get a babysitter
89
00:03:48,396 --> 00:03:49,730
and spend the whole day
together.
90
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:52,032
Well, if you're suggesting
91
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:54,668
that we have sex
at the dog track again,
92
00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:57,671
then I'm gonna tell you
what I said at the dog track.
93
00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:04,712
Well, now we all need therapy.
94
00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,782
Oh, Bobby, I'm so sorry
95
00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:11,419
you have to go to your
great aunt's funeral on Sunday.
96
00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:14,755
I really wanted to get lunch
and some towels at Ikea.
97
00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:16,790
Ooh, if you're going to Ikea,
98
00:04:16,824 --> 00:04:18,759
can you get me
a snars-vaten-woggen?
99
00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:20,761
I need a place to put
my book light.
100
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:22,963
Okay, I understand.
101
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:24,898
I guess the real lesson is,
102
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:28,068
don't lie about your weight
on a hot-air balloon.
103
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,371
I am so, so sorry...
104
00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:33,541
that I had to listen to that
horrible phone conversation.
105
00:04:33,574 --> 00:04:35,809
You know, Max,
it's actually a good thing
106
00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:38,312
that Bobby's aunt
died tragically.
107
00:04:38,346 --> 00:04:39,680
Now we can do inventory here
108
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:41,048
and get ahead on our books
on Sunday.
109
00:04:41,081 --> 00:04:42,683
Only you could turn a death
110
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:43,884
into something depressing.
111
00:04:45,486 --> 00:04:48,422
Speaking of
something depressing.
112
00:04:48,456 --> 00:04:50,691
I just came by to let you know
113
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:51,725
you're late for the diner,
114
00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:52,893
and you know, Max,
115
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:55,463
I had a working brunch
with Gary,
116
00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:56,897
and he made a good point
117
00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:58,999
as he pretended to reach
for the check.
118
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:01,469
He said it was unfair of me
119
00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:02,736
to bring up your problems
120
00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:04,905
without offering a solution.
121
00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:08,041
You need to talk to your father.
122
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:11,845
Han, you are really
overstepping your boundaries,
123
00:05:11,879 --> 00:05:14,648
which is really rude,
because that's my job.
124
00:05:14,682 --> 00:05:16,450
Uh, it's fine.
125
00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:17,618
Yeah, go ahead, Han.
126
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:18,986
Try and find my father.
127
00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:21,355
I don't know his name,
where he lives,
128
00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:24,024
or where he gets dialysis,
I'm assuming.
129
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:25,593
So good luck with that.
130
00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:27,060
Here's his name and number.
131
00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:29,029
He lives in Rhode Island,
132
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:31,632
America's least exciting state.
133
00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:34,668
How did you find that?
134
00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:36,537
That is way over the line,
135
00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:38,572
and I really wish it was me
who had done it.
136
00:05:38,606 --> 00:05:41,074
Unlike Max in high school,
137
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:43,377
it wasn't easy.
138
00:05:43,411 --> 00:05:45,546
I called the hospital
for her birth certificate,
139
00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:47,415
which led me
to the hall of records,
140
00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:49,417
which then led me
to some forced necking
141
00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:51,719
with a clerk named Shelley.
142
00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:53,687
Sadly, it was a dead end.
143
00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:55,088
So Gary got it for me.
144
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:57,024
His sister's a psychic
for the police.
145
00:05:58,492 --> 00:06:01,429
So are you gonna call your dad
146
00:06:01,462 --> 00:06:03,664
after all that hard work
Han and I did
147
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,433
to find his number?
148
00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:06,734
I don't know.
149
00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:08,101
This is a huge decision,
and I really want
150
00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:09,470
to think this through.
151
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:11,972
Max, I think that's
a really smart
152
00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:12,973
and mature decis--
153
00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:14,508
Thought about it.
154
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:18,979
Okay, we're missing
155
00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:20,013
two bottles of tequila,
156
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:21,449
but I did find a bloody knife,
157
00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:23,651
so that's a wrap on inventory.
158
00:06:23,684 --> 00:06:24,785
Oh, thank God.
159
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:25,786
I've been killing myself
160
00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:27,154
with all this paperwork.
161
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:31,024
It took me 30 minutes
to make this hat.
162
00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:33,627
Max, I know what's really
going on here.
163
00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:35,529
You're trying to hide it
by doing origami,
164
00:06:35,563 --> 00:06:37,831
but you're really thinking
about contacting your dad.
165
00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:39,633
Uh, actually, I was thinking
166
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:41,068
about where I left
my bloody knife,
167
00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:43,170
but you solved that mystery.
168
00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:46,440
So now I'm thinking
about wrestling.
169
00:06:46,474 --> 00:06:48,509
Wrestling with your emotions?
170
00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:50,644
No, with Jeremy Piven.
171
00:06:50,678 --> 00:06:52,946
Short arms.
I can take him.
172
00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:56,183
Well, in the off-chance you do
want to contact your father,
173
00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:59,086
I used my amazing
jigsaw puzzle talents
174
00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:01,522
to put his number back together.
175
00:07:01,555 --> 00:07:03,991
I was runner-up
in Jigsaw Palooza 2003.
176
00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:05,526
Oh, thank God.
177
00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:06,794
Thank you, Caroline...
178
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:09,530
for letting me
rip this up again.
179
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:11,131
You know, I hate to say this,
180
00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:13,200
but Han's not wrong.
181
00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:14,668
How dare you?
182
00:07:14,702 --> 00:07:16,136
Let me finish.
183
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:18,839
Maybe you do have
some intimacy issues.
184
00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:21,575
I mean, you haven't really dated
anyone since Randy,
185
00:07:21,609 --> 00:07:24,111
and I still don't have a key
to our apartment.
186
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:27,114
I gave you that screwdriver.
It works.
187
00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:29,617
You're not even a little
curious to meet him?
188
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:32,586
I guess maybe a little.
189
00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:35,122
Maybe it'll explain some of the
more disturbing things about me,
190
00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:38,258
like how I prefer Cocoa Pebbles
over Fruity Pebbles.
191
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:41,629
Yes! You can finally
get those answers.
192
00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:43,931
I say we go now,
before you change your mind.
193
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,733
Should we steal some snacks
from the diner
194
00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:47,167
before we steal Han's car?
195
00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:51,004
Earl, what are you doing here?
196
00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:52,606
You know you're
off today, right?
197
00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:55,275
Uh, I forgot my weed here.
198
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,877
Then I smoked it.
199
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:59,046
And now it doesn't matter
where I am.
200
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:01,782
Squee, diddly-doo
201
00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:06,920
I'm not working on
my Gary-prescribed day off.
202
00:08:06,954 --> 00:08:10,223
I just swung by to--
to meet a friend...
203
00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:12,860
named Friendo.
204
00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:14,662
He's Italian.
205
00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:15,863
What are you doing here?
206
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:18,065
We're going to meet Max's dad.
207
00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:19,066
Because of me.
208
00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:20,601
It's my thing now.
209
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:23,003
So you're giving up
your other thing?
210
00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:24,204
Complimenting yourself
211
00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:25,573
while the customers starve?
212
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,942
Earl, why don't you come with?
213
00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:31,111
I want my real dad
to meet my birth dad.
214
00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:33,714
Sure.
Which one am I again?
215
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,550
Can I come too?
216
00:08:36,584 --> 00:08:38,218
Gary would love to hear
about the man
217
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:40,087
responsible for my misery.
218
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,856
Isn't that the cartoonist
who erased half your body?
219
00:08:44,892 --> 00:08:46,827
Ugh, great.
220
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,963
Other looters got here first.
221
00:08:49,997 --> 00:08:52,299
This is what happens
when you stop for snacks
222
00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:55,102
on your way to stop
for more snacks.
223
00:08:55,135 --> 00:08:57,971
We're going for a romantic ride
in the country.
224
00:08:58,005 --> 00:09:01,041
We're looking for a farm
where we can do it.
225
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:03,143
We were just gonna ask Han
to drive us to Rhode Island,
226
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:04,144
but this is better.
227
00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:05,345
With your minivan,
228
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,014
we can sit much further
from the driver.
229
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:10,017
Rhode Island?
230
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,753
Are we gonna bury a dead body?
231
00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:14,622
No, but I am coming,
232
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:17,090
so don't get any ideas.
233
00:09:17,124 --> 00:09:20,327
Well, I haven't been in a van
with this many weirdos
234
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,229
since the second time
I got kidnapped.
235
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,034
All right,
your dad just confirmed.
236
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:29,670
We're meeting him at 4:00
at the Rhode Island Diner.
237
00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:32,706
Max's reunion with her father
is really humming along
238
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:34,708
since I took the reins from Han.
239
00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:36,043
Don't kid yourself.
240
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,377
I laid the groundwork.
241
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:38,646
Don't kid yourself.
242
00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:40,347
You've never laid anything.
243
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:43,116
Oleg, shouldn't we be
getting off at the next exit?
244
00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:47,320
Do you think we should exit
at 33B, Misty?
245
00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:49,790
Ooh, that exit is closed
246
00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:52,660
for construction,
naughty boy.
247
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:55,228
Since we're having a day off
from Barbara,
248
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:57,865
I put the GPS on XXX.
249
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:01,969
Can't a woman just talk to you?
250
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,237
This is why we march.
251
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:07,374
How about a fun car game?
252
00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:09,409
I spy with my little eye
253
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,645
something that is black.
254
00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:14,882
You better watch yourself, son.
255
00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:18,018
No, I was referring to...
256
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:19,052
pass.
257
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:21,388
Max, are you nervous?
258
00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:23,891
You have that nervous
metallic smell you get
259
00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:26,126
when you find out 7-Eleven's
out of hot dogs.
260
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:28,195
No.
261
00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:31,264
I keep a lot of nickels
in these pants.
262
00:10:39,707 --> 00:10:41,441
Sophie, are you okay?
263
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:45,312
Yeah, that's just how I wake up.
264
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:48,315
Are you okay?
265
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:49,950
Ooh, ah!
266
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,719
Bear right at the next exit.
267
00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:52,920
Just like that.
268
00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:54,722
Don't stop!
269
00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:56,790
Okay, Misty.
270
00:10:56,824 --> 00:11:00,327
I think I went to hair school
with your GPS.
271
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,195
Object ahead.
272
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:05,198
Slow down, big boy.
273
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:09,202
Uh-oh, I hit a squirrel
274
00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:11,338
or John Travolta's toupee.
275
00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:14,407
Either way, its legs
are still moving.
276
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:20,113
Oh, gosh.
277
00:11:20,147 --> 00:11:22,149
I must have fallen asleep again.
278
00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:27,821
Hey, Han?
279
00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:30,157
How do you say "hang in there"
280
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,959
in squirrel?
281
00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:38,065
I learned it on Zoboomafoo.
282
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:40,901
Sophie, next time you scoop up
a wounded animal
283
00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:42,269
with a donut box,
284
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:44,404
make sure everyone's
had one first.
285
00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:47,808
Aww, he's resting comfortably
on a cruller.
286
00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:49,910
Living my dream, buddy.
287
00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:51,444
He won't die, right?
288
00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:54,147
It's illegal to kill squirrels
in the Ukraine.
289
00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:57,150
Ever since Putin had them
trained as spies.
290
00:11:57,184 --> 00:11:59,953
There's an animal hospital
nearby.
291
00:11:59,987 --> 00:12:02,422
Put the address
in the sexy GPS lady.
292
00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:04,491
I don't care where we go,
293
00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:07,027
I just want to hear
what she does
294
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:10,463
when we arrive
at our destination.
295
00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:12,933
Not to be that person,
296
00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:14,301
but I'm in charge now,
297
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:16,970
and this trip is about
Max meeting her dad,
298
00:12:17,004 --> 00:12:19,039
not saving a squirrel's life.
299
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:21,074
Squirrel hater!
300
00:12:23,510 --> 00:12:24,945
Let's just take him with us.
301
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:26,513
If this diner's
anything like ours,
302
00:12:26,546 --> 00:12:29,082
there'd be tons of other rodents
for him to play with.
303
00:12:29,116 --> 00:12:30,283
Your destination
304
00:12:30,317 --> 00:12:33,821
is in 4,800 inches.
305
00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:36,824
I had her convert everything
to inches.
306
00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:38,525
Makes our trip sound bigger,
doesn't it?
307
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,262
We should plan a march.
308
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,105
Table for, uh...
309
00:12:52,139 --> 00:12:53,473
for two.
310
00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:56,443
And the cast of
American Horror Story: Minivan
311
00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:58,812
will be in a separate booth.
312
00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:00,013
Ooh, do you mind?
313
00:13:00,047 --> 00:13:01,114
I'm pretty hungry.
314
00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:02,115
My donut is covered
315
00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:04,284
in squirrel slobber.
316
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:06,153
You can't bring outside food
in here.
317
00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:07,454
It's not food.
318
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,489
It's a severely injured
squirrel.
319
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:10,958
All right, well, sit wherever.
320
00:13:10,991 --> 00:13:13,260
Just don't let it
out of the box.
321
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,527
Do you see that, Earl?
322
00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:16,463
He's firm but fair.
323
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:23,036
You look like a young Earl.
324
00:13:23,070 --> 00:13:25,572
No, I'm Steve.
325
00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:27,507
That was young Earl's name!
326
00:13:32,079 --> 00:13:33,847
Hey, everybody!
327
00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:39,186
Uh, I'm just going in.
328
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:44,057
I told your dad to look
for a pretty blonde girl
329
00:13:44,091 --> 00:13:45,592
whose hair is a little longer
than a bob
330
00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:47,594
but shorter than
shoulder-length.
331
00:13:47,627 --> 00:13:50,898
Oh, I forgot to tell him
what you look like.
332
00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:52,532
Well, I have no idea
what he looks like.
333
00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:56,136
I always imagined Louis CK,
but not as hot.
334
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,305
Maybe you do have daddy issues.
335
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:02,175
On the plus side,
we will never like the same guy.
336
00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:04,311
Gary says
when Max sees her dad,
337
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,413
she's going to get
very emotional.
338
00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:07,647
She could get happy,
339
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,082
then sad.
340
00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:10,550
Basically, hide your forks.
341
00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:13,253
Oh.
342
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:15,322
He peed again.
343
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:16,323
Oh, Lord,
344
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,658
am I peeing?
345
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:21,661
But these are my best pants.
346
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:26,199
He peed so much, he turned
this donut box into a pool.
347
00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:29,602
He's really putting the "ew"
in cruller.
348
00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:32,372
Max, if you want privacy
when your dad gets here,
349
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,074
I can go sit
in that other booth.
350
00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:35,642
Can you do that now?
351
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,180
Look alive, everyone!
352
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:41,314
It's the moment
353
00:14:41,348 --> 00:14:43,016
we've always been waiting for.
354
00:14:43,050 --> 00:14:44,084
At least since Tuesday,
355
00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:45,118
when Gary suggested it.
356
00:14:45,152 --> 00:14:47,254
Then I took over.
357
00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:49,156
Max, make sure you look at me
when you hug him.
358
00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:50,958
Oh, that guy?
I hope not.
359
00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:53,660
No daddy, no daddy, no daddy.
360
00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:55,395
What was wrong with him?
361
00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:57,064
Besides his jeans,
362
00:14:57,097 --> 00:15:00,300
arms, legs, face,
and overall vibe?
363
00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:01,969
You know it would be bad
364
00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:03,403
if you were attracted to him,
right?
365
00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:11,278
You know, I was a cashier
366
00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:12,479
when I was your age.
367
00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:14,481
Yeah?
What do you do now?
368
00:15:14,514 --> 00:15:16,683
Cashier.
369
00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:18,285
-But this is just temporary.
-Temporary.
370
00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:20,320
-No, I have actual dreams.
-Dreams.
371
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:21,521
No, seriously, man.
372
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:23,156
-I play saxophone.
-Saxophone.
373
00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:24,357
I quit.
374
00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:27,160
Attaboy.
375
00:15:27,194 --> 00:15:28,695
You know, Han,
376
00:15:28,728 --> 00:15:32,099
you should get your chef
to make flapjacks like this.
377
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:34,367
He does enough flapping
and jacking on his own.
378
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:37,404
I think this squirrel's asleep.
379
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,739
He's snoring
and clutching his nuts.
380
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:43,743
Aww, just like you do.
381
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:46,313
Han, will you watch the squirrel
382
00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:48,615
so we can just have one minute
to ourselves?
383
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:51,384
No, I'm watching the door
for Max's--
384
00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:52,652
how do I put this nicely?
385
00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:55,522
"Monster who left her
as a child."
386
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,257
He's gonna be here.
387
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:58,758
Why am I so positive?
388
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,527
The only reason I know
where my dad is
389
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:01,694
is 'cause he's in prison.
390
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:07,500
Ooh, live one coming in.
391
00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:11,304
This guy looks like he's missed
a few soccer games.
392
00:16:11,338 --> 00:16:14,107
If that jabroni is him,
tell him I'm not here.
393
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:16,409
Max, one of these losers
394
00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:18,545
is gonna be your dad.
395
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,547
I mean, we're in Rhode Island.
396
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:23,450
I'm gonna get a quick refill.
397
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,618
I got it, hon.
I'm in the industry.
398
00:16:27,154 --> 00:16:29,456
Caroline, I'm starting to think
399
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,058
he's not going to show.
400
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:33,026
You really screwed
the pooch this time.
401
00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:34,194
Me?
402
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:35,762
Yeah, this is your thing now.
403
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,597
You took the reins, remember?
404
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:38,598
You're Trevor Noah,
405
00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:40,267
and I'm Jon Stewart.
406
00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:41,401
I've got my Emmys.
407
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:43,470
I'm done now.
408
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,272
Well, you started this.
409
00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:48,308
And after I finally
got her over Randy.
410
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,477
The night terrors just stopped.
411
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,245
I was terrified of her at night.
412
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,283
You can sleep
with a cheap Taser now.
413
00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:57,617
I already do.
414
00:16:57,650 --> 00:16:59,519
For the same reason!
415
00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:01,321
Quiet!
416
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:03,223
The squirrel is sleeping.
417
00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:05,192
We just got him down.
418
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:07,594
And we'd like to make out.
419
00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:09,662
I spilled a lot of syrup
on myself.
420
00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:13,300
Let's just wake Earl up
and get out of here.
421
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:14,401
My dad's not coming.
422
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:19,339
Maybe your dad's
still on his way.
423
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:22,509
I heard traffic's building up
on all the expressways.
424
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,544
Kind of an ironic name,
wouldn't you say?
425
00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:26,079
"Expressway"?
426
00:17:26,113 --> 00:17:27,780
More like "slow-way."
427
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:29,282
This is Caroline's thing.
428
00:17:29,316 --> 00:17:31,418
Let's just go.
429
00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:32,752
I want to get back
before Cinnabon
430
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:34,387
gives away their day-olds.
431
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:37,124
You know we own
a dessert bar, right?
432
00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:39,126
Maybe he's still gonna come.
433
00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:41,694
If I know one thing about
the man I know nothing about,
434
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:42,695
he is not coming.
435
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:44,364
Are you disappointed?
436
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,633
No.
437
00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:48,368
A little.
438
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,570
But maybe it's for the best
he didn't come.
439
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,639
This is why I didn't want
to meet him, because whoever
440
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:54,841
comes through that door
is just gonna disappoint me.
441
00:17:54,874 --> 00:17:56,743
And this way, I get to imagine
he's someone cool,
442
00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:58,545
like Burt Reynolds
443
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,847
or Captain Crunch.
444
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:02,282
So you're really okay?
445
00:18:02,315 --> 00:18:03,716
Yeah.
446
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:04,784
We had a great day.
447
00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:07,854
Road trip, met a cool squirrel.
448
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:09,422
I don't need another loser
in my life.
449
00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:10,657
I have you guys.
450
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:12,892
Gary!
451
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:15,628
Max's father didn't show.
452
00:18:15,662 --> 00:18:17,230
How does that make me feel?
453
00:18:17,264 --> 00:18:18,565
Terrible!
454
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,533
I don't think Han's handling it
455
00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:22,135
as well as I am.
456
00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:23,603
Honestly, if it were my thing,
457
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:27,474
I would want to kill myself
right now.
458
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:30,143
She's hurt,
and she's family to me.
459
00:18:30,177 --> 00:18:31,711
How does that make me feel?
460
00:18:31,744 --> 00:18:34,481
Like I should have gone
to an out-of-network doctor!
461
00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:38,851
God, I made Han have a meltdown
on my day off.
462
00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:40,420
You calm down, Gary!
463
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:41,454
I won't count to ten.
464
00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:43,323
You count to ten, you bastard!
465
00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:48,861
Hey, welcome to the, uh...
466
00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:51,764
hey, uh, what the hell
is this place called, anyway?
467
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:53,766
Oh, my God.
468
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,836
Dad!
469
00:18:56,869 --> 00:18:57,870
Hold on, Gary.
470
00:18:57,904 --> 00:18:59,739
A vagrant that could very well
471
00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:01,741
be Max's father
just walked in.
472
00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:03,876
Pretend you're my dad,
and I'll give you 40 bucks.
473
00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:06,479
Throw in a joint,
and we have a deal.
474
00:19:06,513 --> 00:19:08,281
Maybe you are my dad.
475
00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:10,350
Oh, no, I don't have kids.
476
00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:11,418
Too much pot.
477
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:15,222
Guys, this is my dad.
478
00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:19,759
I'm the hot girl's dad.
479
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:22,562
Was anyone else expecting a cop?
480
00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:26,666
I mean, you know, for the irony.
481
00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:28,301
I'm Caroline.
482
00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:29,636
See, it's, like,
not a bob,
483
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:30,937
but it's not shoulder-length.
484
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:33,473
I'm responsible
for this reunion.
485
00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:34,741
Um, he's not really my dad.
486
00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:36,309
I'm doing this for Han.
487
00:19:36,343 --> 00:19:37,677
All right, everybody.
488
00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:39,979
Uh, my dad and I have had
489
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:41,581
a heartwarming reunion,
490
00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:45,852
and now he has to get to
a secret mission.
491
00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:47,887
In an exotic locale.
492
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:49,222
Sure.
493
00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:51,958
But I can't leave the county.
494
00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:55,928
Sure.
Local secret mission.
495
00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:58,598
Hey, you seem like a nice kid.
496
00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:01,268
Your father should be proud.
497
00:20:01,301 --> 00:20:03,336
Thanks.
498
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:05,472
Sorry about the outburst, Gary.
499
00:20:05,505 --> 00:20:08,908
You know it stems
from my mother's expectations.
500
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:12,645
Thanks for doing this, Han.
501
00:20:12,679 --> 00:20:14,781
Anyone in the hug business?
502
00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,419
I didn't even flinch.
503
00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:21,954
We are making progress.
504
00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:22,955
You coming, Earl?
505
00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:23,990
Sure am.
506
00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:24,991
Don't want to get stuck
507
00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:26,959
being a cashier my whole life.
508
00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:32,365
Oleg, you forgot
the damn squirrel.
509
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:37,604
Come on, little guy.
510
00:20:37,637 --> 00:20:39,372
We don't abandon anybody.
35151
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