Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:05,606
Han, what're you doing
in our bar?
2
00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:08,109
You know we can't serve kids.
3
00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:09,377
Or did you just want to see
4
00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:11,445
what a successful
business looks like?
5
00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:14,115
I know what a successful
business looks like.
6
00:00:14,148 --> 00:00:16,550
My cousin runs a Blimpie's
in Queens.
7
00:00:16,584 --> 00:00:19,487
You have a relative
that works at a Blimpie's?
8
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:22,456
Is he single?
9
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,294
Hi, I'm Clint,
the new bartender.
10
00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:28,829
It's a pleasure for you
to meet me.
11
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:31,232
I hired Clint away from that
cool bar down the street.
12
00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:32,433
He has a following.
13
00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:34,135
And his following
followed him here,
14
00:00:34,168 --> 00:00:35,136
and now we have a following.
15
00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:37,538
You following?
16
00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:39,273
Oh, a following.
17
00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:42,210
Like I had on YouTube before
they got all weird about nudity.
18
00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:45,813
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
19
00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:52,052
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
20
00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:56,524
Wow.
21
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:59,293
Girls, this place
has more people in it
22
00:00:59,327 --> 00:01:01,362
than my first marriage.
23
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:02,263
Hey, Earl.
24
00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:05,299
Cacao Storm for my
diabetic dreamboat?
25
00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:07,368
Well, you know
I can't say no to booze.
26
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,603
If I could, I'd still be
in The Temptations.
27
00:01:09,637 --> 00:01:12,406
No, no, no,
it's very little booze, okay?
28
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,243
See, you drink it
for the raw cacao.
29
00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:17,578
Yeah, it releases serotonin
and boosts your energy
30
00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:18,579
and your mood.
31
00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:21,815
I'm pretty much a genius.
32
00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:24,318
And I'm pretty much
gonna pass.
33
00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:28,722
You want to try a Cacao Storm?
Huh, buddy?
34
00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:29,857
Yeah, you do.
35
00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,559
They're addictive.
36
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:34,328
Raw cacao with a little
chocolate liqueur.
37
00:01:34,362 --> 00:01:37,465
It's how I got to be
such a big deal.
38
00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:39,200
And it's how I'm gonna get
a new wardrobe
39
00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:40,568
with the way
these are selling.
40
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:42,903
Soon, I'll be able to
buy clothes from places
41
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:46,307
that don't also sell gas.
42
00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:49,177
I'll try one.
I am a little stressed.
43
00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:50,444
I'm entering the post office's
44
00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:53,481
Federal Duck Stamp Contest
this year.
45
00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:55,616
They still have
post offices?
46
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:58,686
I wonder if my "wanted"
poster's still up.
47
00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:01,889
It is.
You were a cute kid.
48
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:03,624
And they have a contest
to design
49
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:05,393
a new duck stamp every year.
50
00:02:05,426 --> 00:02:07,861
If I win, my mallard drawing
will be on
51
00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:10,498
official United States postage.
52
00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:12,300
How can there be a winner
of a contest
53
00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:15,236
you have to be a loser
to enter?
54
00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:17,371
You feeling the buzz yet, son?
55
00:02:17,405 --> 00:02:20,641
You should.
I only use pure Columbian cacao.
56
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,910
Strongest in the city--
actually, in the state.
57
00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:24,645
I just didn't want
to brag about it.
58
00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:26,914
It's one of the greatest
things about me.
59
00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:27,915
Oh!
60
00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:29,383
Yes, yes.
61
00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:31,619
I think I feel it.
A little jolt.
62
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:35,256
Wasn't that your
American Gladiator name?
63
00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:37,358
Why you got to harsh my buzz?
64
00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:41,295
Wait till this duck flies
to stamp victory.
65
00:02:41,329 --> 00:02:42,930
Then I'll be ridicule-proof.
66
00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:45,666
You'll never be
wedgie-proof.
67
00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:49,537
I just checked our receipts.
68
00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:52,240
We already made
$1,500 tonight.
69
00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:53,474
Max, if this keeps up,
we'll be able
70
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:56,277
to watch Hulu
without commercials.
71
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:58,246
$1,500 in one night?
72
00:02:58,279 --> 00:02:59,580
I didn't even make that much
73
00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:02,516
when I turned in my mom
for the reward money.
74
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:05,419
Plus, it think this is better
than you bartending, Max.
75
00:03:05,453 --> 00:03:08,822
You were great, but your "one
for them, one for me" policy
76
00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:11,225
got a little topless.
77
00:03:11,259 --> 00:03:14,328
You enjoyed the tips,
didn't you?
78
00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:15,796
I said "Tips."
79
00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:21,669
Excuse me, excuse me.
80
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:27,608
Haven't you seen a stroller
in a bar before?
81
00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:30,444
Hey, girls.
82
00:03:30,478 --> 00:03:31,979
What, you're not even
gonna say hello,
83
00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:34,415
'cause I look like garbage?
84
00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:36,384
You didn't even give us
a chance, Sophie.
85
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:39,453
You were too busy running over
all of our customers.
86
00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:41,289
Well, I'm sorry if I'm
embarrassing you
87
00:03:41,322 --> 00:03:44,658
with the way I look,
Caroline.
88
00:03:44,692 --> 00:03:49,363
Look, I don't have time to make
me and baby Barbara look sexy.
89
00:03:49,397 --> 00:03:51,399
Max, maybe we should
get manicures?
90
00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:52,900
I haven't had one since
Gwyneth Paltrow
91
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:55,369
was only a little annoying.
92
00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:57,605
We don't have grooming money.
93
00:03:57,638 --> 00:04:01,008
I'm still cutting my hair
with a sword like Mulan.
94
00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:02,643
Max, we're doing really well,
95
00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:05,346
so why not enjoy
our success a little?
96
00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:07,315
I mean, we don't have
"screw you" money yet,
97
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:09,450
but we have enough to be
mildly unpleasant.
98
00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:11,619
No kiddin'!
99
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,622
Oh, come on, come on!
100
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,557
I want to get our nails did.
101
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:20,761
Why does it take so long
for a load to finish?
102
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:23,897
Have you tried dirty talk?
103
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:27,768
Oh, that's my dryer.
104
00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:29,036
Oh, mine now.
105
00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:31,672
You snooze, you lose.
106
00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:35,409
But I wasn't snoozing,
why am I losing?
107
00:04:35,443 --> 00:04:36,677
'Sup, Janice?
108
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,712
How's things down at
the Coinstar?
109
00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:42,082
I'm ready for a change.
110
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:45,619
Max, don't engage her, she threw
my clothes on the ground.
111
00:04:45,653 --> 00:04:48,656
Buzzer go off?
You snooze, you lose.
112
00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:51,559
Ugh, now I have to wash these
again because there's...
113
00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:54,962
what I really hope is fudge
on the floor.
114
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:56,430
Ugh!
115
00:04:56,464 --> 00:04:58,432
Where's my underwear?
116
00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:04,538
Looks like Ralph
has a job interview.
117
00:05:04,572 --> 00:05:06,073
Ralph, that's my underwear.
118
00:05:06,106 --> 00:05:07,808
Give it back.
119
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:11,412
Ugh, I can't wait till we don't
have to come here anymore.
120
00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:13,581
But where will we
cook our chicken?
121
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:17,551
You know what?
122
00:05:17,585 --> 00:05:18,819
We're successful now.
123
00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:22,423
We don't have to
come here anymore.
124
00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:23,891
Can I have your
attention, everyone?
125
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:27,528
Uh, that depends,
are you a cat video?
126
00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:29,597
I'd like to make
an announcement.
127
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:32,500
As of today, we are saying
good-bye to this place.
128
00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:34,602
So Ralph, you can
keep my panties,
129
00:05:34,635 --> 00:05:36,770
I know you have
a wedding next month.
130
00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:39,473
Max and I are successful enough
now to afford
131
00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:42,710
our own washer and dryer.
132
00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:45,579
Or more realistically,
a low-budget fluff-and-fold.
133
00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:47,481
So take one last look at us--
134
00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:50,384
But no need to take out
your penis, Marty.
135
00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:55,489
Come on, Max,
let's go get our manicures.
136
00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:58,125
Good-bye, Laundromat,
we are never coming back
137
00:05:58,158 --> 00:06:00,160
to this hell hole again.
138
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:02,396
You just put another
load in the washer.
139
00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:05,866
We are coming back
to this hell hole again.
140
00:06:08,936 --> 00:06:11,739
Earl, we got manicures!
141
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:15,576
Caroline wanted our nails
to project success, so...
142
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:21,782
What says "classy lady"
like Monopoly houses?
143
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:24,652
Wow, congratulations, Max.
144
00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:27,488
This is probably the closest
any of us will ever come
145
00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:30,491
to owning a house.
146
00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:31,959
Speak for yourself, Earl.
147
00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:33,827
Max and I are successful now.
148
00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:35,763
I said good-bye to the
Laundromat this morning,
149
00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:37,998
and this afternoon, I said
good-bye to the bodega
150
00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:39,767
where we get our flu shots.
151
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,502
You could've waited
till after I got my
152
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:44,171
flu shot and sandwich combo.
153
00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:46,574
Hi, could you bring me
a water, please?
154
00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:48,542
Um, could you
bring someone water
155
00:06:48,576 --> 00:06:50,844
if you had houses for fingers?
156
00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:56,517
I can't wait till we say
good-bye to this place.
157
00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:58,552
I'm gonna be really mean.
158
00:06:58,586 --> 00:07:00,020
I may do it as a poem.
159
00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:02,590
What rhymes with
"rat-infested"?
160
00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,725
Flat-chested.
161
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,562
You better slow down.
162
00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:10,130
We've only had one good night
at the dessert bar,
163
00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:11,832
and you said we had to keep
working at the diner
164
00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:14,502
till we made enough
to be legally poor.
165
00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:15,803
Okay, fine.
166
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:18,105
It's like those nails
are making you reasonable
167
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:19,807
and I don't like it.
168
00:07:25,513 --> 00:07:26,747
Han, your hair!
169
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:29,850
Who are you supposed to be,
Edward Scissor-hans?
170
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:35,088
I was up all night,
sketching my stamp.
171
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:37,157
Want to see my duck?
172
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:41,595
Praying that wasn't
an auto-correct.
173
00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:43,564
Look at all the
practice ducks I've drawn.
174
00:07:43,597 --> 00:07:45,132
The American Wood duck.
175
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:46,967
The Harlequin duck.
176
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,836
The Spot-Billed duck.
177
00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:49,937
A mallard.
178
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,839
A mallard.
179
00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:53,707
A mallard,
a mallard--
180
00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:57,578
Caroline,
take is batteries out.
181
00:07:57,611 --> 00:08:00,147
This beauty's gonna win me
the stamp contest.
182
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:02,583
All I have to do now
is color it.
183
00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:06,620
And then sit back
and plan my victory party.
184
00:08:06,654 --> 00:08:09,022
Guess which stamp I'll use
to send the invites?
185
00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:10,924
Gay flag?
186
00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:12,760
No, a mallard!
187
00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:16,664
Where'd you get that
cacao from?
188
00:08:16,697 --> 00:08:19,567
Clint gave me a couple grams
before he left last night.
189
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:22,636
I've been micro-dosing it
all day.
190
00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:38,151
Why are you rubbing it
on your gums?
191
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,287
Are you teething?
192
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:43,791
Clint says the buzz is stronger
if I take it straight.
193
00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:47,661
Okay, I didn't believe Clint
when he said cacao
194
00:08:47,695 --> 00:08:50,664
was addictive, but I also didn't
believe in leprechauns
195
00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:54,702
until I started
working for one.
196
00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,804
If I cut my gums...
197
00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:00,908
Will it enter my bloodstream
any faster?
198
00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:02,075
You're a junkie!
199
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:06,880
Han, you're acting like that
time you had a whole Red Bull.
200
00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:08,649
Okay...
201
00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:10,784
you have a problem!
202
00:09:10,818 --> 00:09:13,687
I'm telling Clint
you're cut off.
203
00:09:13,721 --> 00:09:15,656
Well, I'm telling Clint
I love him.
204
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:17,691
He loves that.
205
00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:20,828
Fine, I'll just finish
my stamp without cacao.
206
00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:23,731
Damn it!
207
00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:28,168
Hi, everybody!
208
00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:34,675
I hope they're never
expecting Barbara
209
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:37,377
to have a
short-term memory.
210
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:40,748
Oh, look away,
look away.
211
00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:44,284
Things have gotten real bad.
212
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:45,686
Yeah.
213
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:49,156
I look like
all of you now.
214
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:52,392
Sophie, why didn't you
come with us to the nail place?
215
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,795
It was so much fun.
216
00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:56,730
I couldn't make it,
I was too busy
217
00:09:56,764 --> 00:10:00,367
bedazzling
Barbara's diapers.
218
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,369
I'm just gonna
have to face it--
219
00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:07,407
I'm not gonna be pretty again
for at least 12 years.
220
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:12,212
Oh, I'll be Caroline's age
by then.
221
00:10:12,245 --> 00:10:16,383
Sophie, I keep saying,
you'll always be sexy to me.
222
00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:18,652
And I hate to sound
all lovey-dovey,
223
00:10:18,686 --> 00:10:20,788
but you're giving me a boner.
224
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:25,659
You're just saying that
'cause you have to.
225
00:10:25,693 --> 00:10:27,961
I don't want your pity boner.
226
00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:33,967
Caroline, if pity boners
are a thing,
227
00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:36,169
you have got to
get back out there.
228
00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:40,708
I was thinking the same thing.
229
00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:44,411
Psst! Psst!
230
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:45,913
You got the stuff, Clint?
231
00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:48,015
It's premium grade, right?
232
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:50,417
If it isn't,
you're in for a very
233
00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:53,386
unpleasant conversation.
234
00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:57,691
My guy from Columbia
guarantees it.
235
00:10:57,725 --> 00:11:00,293
Not the country,
we went to college together.
236
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:01,461
Want a little taste?
237
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,263
You bet your butt I do!
238
00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:06,734
I want to make sure
it's not cut with Nestle Quik.
239
00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:11,038
Oh.
240
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:14,074
That's the stuff
muddy donkeys are made of.
241
00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:16,710
Max!
242
00:11:16,744 --> 00:11:20,147
Uh, fancy meeting you here.
243
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:24,284
Clint and I were just
bro-ing out over sports.
244
00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:26,053
And breasts.
245
00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:29,356
And...zoos?
246
00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:31,458
What do men talk about?
247
00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:32,492
Hey, Max.
248
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,227
We killed it last night, huh?
249
00:11:34,261 --> 00:11:35,963
Me more than you.
250
00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:38,431
You gonna want this or not,
I got to go do my podcast.
251
00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:41,168
I'm interviewing myself.
252
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:44,071
I know a drug deal
when I see it!
253
00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:44,838
He's cut off.
254
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:47,808
Like me on
$2 margarita night.
255
00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:50,978
Max, I need that cacao
to finish my duck stamp!
256
00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:54,214
One last ride
on the chocolate pony.
257
00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:56,950
Look at you--
chocolate all over your face.
258
00:11:56,984 --> 00:12:00,854
You look like Jonah Hill reading
the reviews for War Dogs.
259
00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:03,390
Clint, don't you dare
sell it to him.
260
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:05,826
You can't tell me
what to do, okay?
261
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:07,294
I'm serious--I will quit.
262
00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:10,831
Oh, hmm, I'll say the same thing
I said to my mother--
263
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:13,801
resignation accepted.
264
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:16,536
You just made
a huge mistake.
265
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,271
Hmm.
266
00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:21,241
You're talking to someone who
watched the second season
267
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:22,843
of True Detective.
268
00:12:22,876 --> 00:12:24,344
Right, Han?
269
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:30,250
That scumbag couldn't have taken
all the cacao.
270
00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:32,519
Quick, help me check
the cabinets.
271
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:34,387
Keep away from
my drawers, Han.
272
00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,289
You got to be used to
hearing that.
273
00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:40,393
Max, I just gave
a good-bye speech
274
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:41,929
at the free clinic.
275
00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:43,864
Oh, also,
the lab technician
276
00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:46,967
said for you to
call her ASAP.
277
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:50,303
Ugh, Claire freaks out
about everything.
278
00:12:50,337 --> 00:12:52,539
I'll tear this place apart!
279
00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:55,042
Where the hell is the cacao?
280
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,810
What's happening,
where's Clint?
281
00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:58,545
-He quit.
-He quit?
282
00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:00,280
But what about his following?
283
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:01,481
What about our following?
284
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:03,016
What about my good-bye tour?
285
00:13:03,050 --> 00:13:05,018
Say good-bye to it.
286
00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:07,354
I think I found some!
287
00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:12,492
Nope, that was
straight-up dirt.
288
00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:14,261
It's for the best.
289
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:17,164
'Cause Jane Cacaoski over there
can't get enough.
290
00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:19,032
I'll just get back
behind the bar.
291
00:13:19,066 --> 00:13:22,269
Now, if you'll excuse me,
one of my hotels came loose
292
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,504
while I was giving someone
the finger.
293
00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:27,040
I guess I'm going to have to
call that other dealer
294
00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:28,876
I found on Craigslist.
295
00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:31,444
I'm Ice-T
and I need my Coco.
296
00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:33,180
Han, if you can
get that cacao,
297
00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:36,083
Max can make
the Cacao Storms herself.
298
00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:39,486
I've seen her make opium out of
poppy seed bagels and a Lacroix.
299
00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:40,587
Han, call that dealer.
300
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,289
Already dialing.
301
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:45,392
I'm halfway down
the Hershey Highway.
302
00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:48,061
I meant the Fudge Factory.
303
00:13:48,095 --> 00:13:49,596
I don't want to hear about
your personal life,
304
00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:52,065
just call the dealer.
305
00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:57,004
Han, where is this guy?
306
00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:58,305
I'm scared.
307
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,307
Someone might think
we're a couple.
308
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,342
I hope he gets here soon.
309
00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:05,112
I just snorted a pint
of Chunky Monkey.
310
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:09,149
That's him, now act cool.
311
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,118
Yoo-hoo, Mr. Drug Dealer!
312
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:12,920
Right here.
313
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:14,387
You're embarrassing me!
314
00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:17,124
Oh, also,
tell him we're not a couple.
315
00:14:17,157 --> 00:14:18,491
You guys here for the cacao?
316
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:21,128
Let's cut to the chase,
where's the dope?
317
00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:22,295
Standing right
in front of me.
318
00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:24,397
-We're not together.
-Shh!
319
00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:25,632
You want the cops
to hear us?
320
00:14:25,665 --> 00:14:28,668
Would it matter?
You're selling chocolate.
321
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:31,471
I know, but it's more fun
to act like it's naughty.
322
00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:33,040
That's the only reason
I do this.
323
00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:34,241
I'm so bored.
324
00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:36,009
I'm a stay-at-home grandpa.
325
00:14:36,043 --> 00:14:37,978
Show me the skrank!
326
00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:41,148
That's the word I made up
for street cacao.
327
00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:42,382
Here it is.
328
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:43,650
Had to kill a hooker
to get it.
329
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:47,387
I wish.
330
00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:49,389
My daughter-in-law
works for Nestle.
331
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:52,125
Ah, ah, ah,
ah, ah, ah, ah.
332
00:14:52,159 --> 00:14:53,660
Earl, what're you doing
out here?
333
00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:56,163
Just to be clear,
I'm out here with Han
334
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:58,698
for business,
nothing romantic.
335
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,133
What are you doing out here
336
00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:04,037
with my Canadian Viagra
connection?
337
00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:07,074
-Hey, Earl!
-Hey, Bill!
338
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:09,009
Hey, man, how's your
daughter-in-law?
339
00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:12,145
Still climbing the corporate
ladder at Nestle Toronto?
340
00:15:12,179 --> 00:15:13,146
And doing CrossFit
on the weekends.
341
00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:14,481
Uh-huh.
342
00:15:14,514 --> 00:15:16,383
And Ted's finally got
his real estate license.
343
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:19,319
-Oh--
-No one cares, Grandpa!
344
00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:21,488
Tell that to the pigeons
in the park!
345
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:25,092
I'm this close to
main-lining Tootsie Rolls.
346
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:28,361
-Here's the money.
-Not this again!
347
00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:30,197
I come out here
to smoke a joint,
348
00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:32,432
and I walk in
on a drug deal?
349
00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:33,566
Shame!
350
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:34,701
Hey, you!
351
00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:38,571
Get out of here before I
pop a cap in your Honda Odyssey.
352
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:41,441
I'm sorry, it was either this,
or have an affair.
353
00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:43,376
And I'm just too tired.
354
00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:47,314
Well, it looks like
I got to go tell Ruth
355
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:50,083
it's gonna be an
"everything but" kind of night
356
00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:52,285
Jeez.
357
00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:54,687
I learned it from
watching you, Dad?
358
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:57,690
Max, we need that cacao
for our dessert bar.
359
00:15:57,724 --> 00:15:59,592
I already told
the soup kitchen what I think
360
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:02,729
of their tomato bisque,
so there's no turning back.
361
00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:06,166
Your addictions
are both out of control.
362
00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:09,169
Caroline, there are no
shortcuts to success
363
00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:11,271
or creating a
stamp-worthy mallard.
364
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:15,108
Life is a slow, steady climb
to just getting by.
365
00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:16,609
Snap out of it!
366
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:19,179
Me?
You're addicted too.
367
00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:20,780
To these nails.
368
00:16:22,249 --> 00:16:25,318
No I'm not,
I can stop any time!
369
00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:30,623
Then why are you crying?
370
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,392
'Cause I'm on my knees
in an alley
371
00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:35,295
and nothing fun
is happening!
372
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:38,098
Home wrecker!
373
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:39,499
You know, fine!
374
00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:42,402
Maybe I like the way
they make me feel.
375
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:44,571
But you--you were so high
on success,
376
00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:46,673
you were willing
to let Han OD!
377
00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:49,642
Or, at least, get really,
really hyper-active.
378
00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:53,213
So what? You don't care
about me, Max, do you?
379
00:16:54,614 --> 00:16:57,250
No.
380
00:16:57,284 --> 00:16:58,318
Maybe a little.
381
00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:03,656
See how your addiction has
affected me, Caroline?
382
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:06,259
I just had to admit
I care about Han!
383
00:17:06,293 --> 00:17:08,395
Now I'm flying high on that!
384
00:17:08,428 --> 00:17:11,198
I'm gonna go try to
finish my stamp.
385
00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:13,400
Perhaps some
hot cocoa would help.
386
00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:15,468
Administered rectally,
of course.
387
00:17:17,504 --> 00:17:19,606
Found it!
388
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:20,807
Sophie?
389
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:24,277
Is there anyone we know
not in this alley?
390
00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:27,147
I found Barbara's bedazzler.
391
00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:30,317
Oh, yeah,
it's all about her now.
392
00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:33,553
Oh, you can't be gorgeous
and be a good mother.
393
00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:36,156
Just look at
Neil Patrick Harris.
394
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:39,826
Well, I think he's very charming
and I think you're being unfair.
395
00:17:39,859 --> 00:17:42,695
This might be what's left of my
nails talking, but Sophie,
396
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:44,764
if you're not decked out with
your boobs half showing,
397
00:17:44,797 --> 00:17:48,301
are you really setting
the right example for Barbara?
398
00:17:48,335 --> 00:17:51,304
Oh, from this side
of the dumpster,
399
00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:54,174
you're making a lot of
sense, girl.
400
00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:55,408
You really are.
401
00:17:55,442 --> 00:17:57,144
Are you gonna start
brushing your teeth
402
00:17:57,177 --> 00:17:58,678
and putting the seat down?
403
00:17:58,711 --> 00:17:59,646
No.
404
00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:04,251
Here's your flan-tini.
405
00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:06,153
And here's my flan-tini.
406
00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:07,820
Good to be back.
407
00:18:07,854 --> 00:18:10,557
Well, I tried,
but I can't find Clint.
408
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:13,593
I feel like every man
I've ever had sex with.
409
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:16,529
We don't need Clint
or his stupid cacao.
410
00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:19,599
Uh, although, his podcast
was pretty interesting.
411
00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:23,536
Those girls he worked for
sounded like nightmares.
412
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:26,373
I'm gonna have one,
two, three Sprites.
413
00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:28,275
We're getting wild tonight.
414
00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:30,143
Coming right up,
Bill the Dealer.
415
00:18:30,177 --> 00:18:31,511
Oh, it's just Bill now.
416
00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:34,147
I accidentally butt-dialed my
wife during a major
417
00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:35,882
Pepcid AC drop.
418
00:18:35,915 --> 00:18:37,450
She took the minivan.
419
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:44,391
Hey, everybody!
420
00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:47,360
No, it's not Suzanne Somers.
421
00:18:47,394 --> 00:18:49,262
It's me, Sophie!
422
00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:51,898
Wow, Sophie got
her sexy back.
423
00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:55,235
Yeah, and front and under.
424
00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:58,238
Sophie, you deserve
a flan-tini.
425
00:18:58,271 --> 00:18:59,639
And so do I.
426
00:18:59,672 --> 00:19:02,509
Oh, you know what,
I did what you told me to do
427
00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:05,645
and I dropped baby Barbara off
at the trainer/babysitter,
428
00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:09,816
and I had a bunch of Korean
ladies go to town on me.
429
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,384
Hey, where's Oleg?
430
00:19:11,418 --> 00:19:13,152
I told him to meet me here.
431
00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:17,824
Sophie?
432
00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:19,559
You look as beautiful
as the day
433
00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:22,595
we first did it
on the sink.
434
00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:25,798
Damn straight, I do!
435
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:28,801
Yo, what's with the
white people's clothes?
436
00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:31,938
Yeah, what's going on?
I can't even see any nipple.
437
00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:34,274
But somehow, it's worse.
438
00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:37,477
Sophie, I want you to see that
we don't have to be
439
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,779
the sexy couple anymore.
440
00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:40,847
Anymore?
441
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,749
When were you guys
the sexy couple?
442
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:45,852
That weekend you went to
Amish Country?
443
00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:47,754
Oh, yeah.
444
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:50,557
Do you remember when we
did it in that buggy
445
00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:52,492
in front of that family?
446
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:56,963
Oh, I bet they wish they had
a camera for that.
447
00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:59,532
You want to go do it
in the bathroom...
448
00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:00,867
buggy-style?
449
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:04,704
Oh, I'm gonna pretend
that Jebediah
450
00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:07,006
is turning away in shame.
451
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:09,509
I'm gonna pretend he isn't.
452
00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:15,448
I guess we're scrubbing down
our bathroom later.
453
00:20:15,482 --> 00:20:16,549
We're heading out.
454
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:18,451
It's almost 8:00.
455
00:20:18,485 --> 00:20:20,553
Here's my last bag of cacao.
456
00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:22,322
I can't do anything with it,
457
00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:24,324
not with my cholesterol.
458
00:20:24,357 --> 00:20:26,293
A tiny baggie of cacao?
459
00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:27,860
What're we gonna do
with this?
460
00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:29,796
Same thing I do
with any powder I find:
461
00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,831
see what all the fuss
is about.
462
00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:36,869
Mmm.
463
00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:38,905
-Not hating it.
-Mm-mm. No.
464
00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:43,576
Holding out on me?
465
00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:46,446
You skrank skanks!
466
00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:48,881
I'm coming in!
33476
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof