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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:10,442 I am so sorry. 2 00:00:10,443 --> 00:00:11,677 It meant nothing. 3 00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:13,212 Get away from me. 4 00:00:13,213 --> 00:00:15,280 You were never supposed to find out. 5 00:00:15,281 --> 00:00:16,648 I mean, not that I wanted to keep it from you. 6 00:00:16,649 --> 00:00:18,217 I just didn't wanna hurt you. 7 00:00:18,218 --> 00:00:19,518 But I told you 'cause I couldn't go 8 00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:21,120 one more day with keeping a secret 9 00:00:21,121 --> 00:00:22,321 from the love of my life. 10 00:00:22,322 --> 00:00:23,455 Shut the fuck up. 11 00:00:23,456 --> 00:00:24,757 Absolutely. 12 00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:26,558 You're a shit person 13 00:00:26,559 --> 00:00:27,760 and a fucking liar. 14 00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:30,462 I can't even look at you. 15 00:00:30,463 --> 00:00:31,563 You shouldn't. 16 00:00:31,564 --> 00:00:33,632 I don't deserve your beautiful eyes. 17 00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:35,334 You deserve prison. 18 00:00:35,335 --> 00:00:36,702 Not only did you sleep with my boyfriend, 19 00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:37,836 you murdered him. 20 00:00:37,837 --> 00:00:39,171 Nope. Nope. 21 00:00:39,172 --> 00:00:41,140 Not gonna happen. I'm not gonna die 22 00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:42,541 'cause I got the best mystery solver in town working on it, 23 00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:44,576 and she's gonna figure it out before it gets to me. 24 00:00:44,577 --> 00:00:45,577 Where are you with that? 25 00:00:45,578 --> 00:00:46,645 Do you even care 26 00:00:46,646 --> 00:00:47,713 that you sleeping with Zack 27 00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:48,714 means he's gonna die? 28 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,183 Of course I do. 29 00:00:51,184 --> 00:00:53,352 But what I care most about is you. 30 00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:55,854 I would do anything to take back what I did. 31 00:00:55,855 --> 00:00:58,223 Aw, what a poet. 32 00:00:58,224 --> 00:00:59,858 You whisper poetry like that in my boyfriend's ear 33 00:00:59,859 --> 00:01:01,393 when you fucked him last night? 34 00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:04,396 I didn't fuck Zack last night. 35 00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:06,532 I fucked Richie last night. 36 00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:07,900 You what? 37 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:10,302 I had sex with Richie to protect Isaac. 38 00:01:10,303 --> 00:01:12,338 He kissed me in the rain, and it was really romantic. 39 00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:14,473 And I like him so much, and he looked so hot. 40 00:01:14,474 --> 00:01:16,275 And I wanted to sleep with him, but I can't. 41 00:01:16,276 --> 00:01:18,243 So I had sex with Isaac through Richie, 42 00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:20,579 who I can't hurt because he is my sex loophole. 43 00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:23,349 Did you consider the possibility 44 00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:26,185 of not having sex with anyone? 45 00:01:26,186 --> 00:01:28,620 I did not. 46 00:01:28,621 --> 00:01:30,689 Did you see "Roxanne"? 47 00:01:30,690 --> 00:01:32,359 I did not. 48 00:01:33,893 --> 00:01:35,361 OK. 49 00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:37,596 I know I can't defend my actions with Zack. 50 00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:39,598 Who's currently proving himself indispensable. 51 00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:42,368 But I was in such a bad place at Robert's wedding 52 00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:44,670 and so drunk and so high. 53 00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:47,773 And I really did think you guys were broken up for good. 54 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:50,209 Is that all it takes for you to fuck my boyfriend? 55 00:01:50,210 --> 00:01:51,510 An opening? 56 00:01:51,511 --> 00:01:52,544 There is no excuse for what I did. 57 00:01:52,545 --> 00:01:54,913 It was a terrible mistake that we both regretted 58 00:01:54,914 --> 00:01:55,948 as soon as it happened. 59 00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:57,649 That's another thing. 60 00:01:57,650 --> 00:02:00,419 You both kept this sick little secret from me 61 00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:02,955 while I wandered around here, trying to solve... 62 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:05,791 what are you doing? 63 00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:07,393 Um... 64 00:02:07,394 --> 00:02:08,460 I know the accuracy of the board 65 00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:09,828 is important to you, so... 66 00:02:09,829 --> 00:02:11,497 Is that a professional headshot? 67 00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:13,532 Why are you blowing a gum bubble? 68 00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:14,566 A few years ago, when I tried acting, 69 00:02:14,567 --> 00:02:18,303 my agent said it would make me seem more "zany." 70 00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:20,939 You know what? 71 00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:22,474 Zack is right. 72 00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:25,578 It's important the sex timeline be up-to-date. 73 00:02:38,391 --> 00:02:41,427 Guess you fucked that too. 74 00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:43,896 Solve your own mystery. 75 00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:45,598 I'm done. 76 00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,234 We're done. 77 00:02:49,235 --> 00:02:50,803 Get out of my apartment, 78 00:02:50,804 --> 00:02:52,571 both of you. 79 00:02:52,572 --> 00:02:55,974 It's my name on the lease, yes. 80 00:02:55,975 --> 00:02:57,242 It's my apartment. 81 00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:08,620 ♪ This bed is on fire with passionate love ♪ 82 00:03:08,621 --> 00:03:10,422 ♪ The neighbors complain ♪ 83 00:03:10,423 --> 00:03:12,958 ♪ About the noises above ♪ 84 00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:17,262 ♪ But she only comes when she's on top ♪ 85 00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:24,970 ♪ My therapist said not to see you no more ♪ 86 00:03:24,971 --> 00:03:29,274 ♪ She said you're like a disease without any cure ♪ 87 00:03:29,275 --> 00:03:31,443 ♪ She said I'm so obsessed ♪ 88 00:03:31,444 --> 00:03:35,347 ♪ That I'm becoming a bore, oh, no ♪ 89 00:03:35,348 --> 00:03:41,348 ♪ Aw, you think you're so pretty ♪ 90 00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:57,569 That's what I'm trying to tell you, Tabitha. 91 00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:59,538 It's not plugged into a surge protector. 92 00:03:59,539 --> 00:04:01,073 It is literally raw dogging the wall, 93 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,808 and I'm getting no steam. 94 00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:04,076 There's no steam emanating... 95 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,344 From this device. 96 00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:06,612 And now I have to go. 97 00:04:06,613 --> 00:04:08,547 All right, Tabitha, thanks a lot. 98 00:04:08,548 --> 00:04:10,616 Real help. I gotta... I'll figure it out. 99 00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:12,819 46 minutes. 100 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,956 Hey. Hey. 101 00:04:17,957 --> 00:04:19,625 It's all right. 102 00:04:19,626 --> 00:04:20,626 You're not the first woman I've slept with 103 00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:24,430 to show up at my door, overcome with emotion. 104 00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:27,933 Ladies always come back for more Sweet Rich. 105 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,835 AJ kicked me out. 106 00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:31,403 Aw. 107 00:04:31,404 --> 00:04:32,504 Of course she did, sweetie. 108 00:04:32,505 --> 00:04:34,073 You're a nightmare. 109 00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:37,676 All right, now take off your top and hop into bed. 110 00:04:37,677 --> 00:04:40,612 - Ugh. - That is not what this is. 111 00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:43,716 I need to figure out why my vagina is killing people now, 112 00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:46,919 and as my sex loophole, it is your social responsibility 113 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,487 to help me do that. 114 00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:52,358 What I'm hearing is that I'm so good in bed, 115 00:04:52,359 --> 00:04:54,860 the memory will carry you to your grave. 116 00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:56,495 Oh. 117 00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:58,731 OK, bad joke. 118 00:04:58,732 --> 00:04:59,798 All right. 119 00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:01,834 Why did AJ kick you out? 120 00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:03,435 I don't wanna tell you. 121 00:05:03,436 --> 00:05:05,537 - OK. - I slept with her boyfriend. 122 00:05:05,538 --> 00:05:07,539 Whoa. What the fuck? 123 00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:09,141 This is why I didn't wanna tell you. 124 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,443 I could not have been clearer that you didn't have to. 125 00:05:11,444 --> 00:05:13,145 Can I please just stay here? 126 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:16,482 I have nowhere else to go, and all my friends would judge me. 127 00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:17,750 I'm judging you. 128 00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:21,954 Oh, girl, I don't care about that. 129 00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:25,959 All right, well, feel free to join me on my biscuit. 130 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,762 No, thank you. 131 00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:32,431 Otherwise, I am experiencing a sciatica flare-up, 132 00:05:32,432 --> 00:05:34,500 so I'm not giving up the bed. 133 00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:37,169 But loveseat's yours. 134 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,904 This is not... 135 00:05:38,905 --> 00:05:40,472 this isn't a loveseat. 136 00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:41,740 I'm sorry. 137 00:05:41,741 --> 00:05:43,776 Is that not enough room for you and the huge dog 138 00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:45,911 that you just brought into somebody else's home? 139 00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,048 That day that I came home... 140 00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:51,817 It wasn't just that, like, I lost my home... 141 00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:53,485 And a few days later, 142 00:05:53,486 --> 00:05:54,820 I lost my freedom. 143 00:05:54,821 --> 00:05:57,690 Like, that day, I lost my friend, and I lost... 144 00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,992 Also... 145 00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:02,928 Why are you still here? 146 00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:04,630 'Cause I'm almost done nailing the extension cord 147 00:06:04,631 --> 00:06:05,931 to the baseboards. 148 00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:08,200 The worst thing that I... 149 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,668 Frantically completing all the tasks 150 00:06:09,669 --> 00:06:11,537 I've asked you to do over the last four years 151 00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,105 won't stop me from breaking up with you. 152 00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:14,506 I-I changed the Brita filter. 153 00:06:14,507 --> 00:06:15,774 I changed the HVAC filter. 154 00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:16,975 I even changed the filter on that photo 155 00:06:16,976 --> 00:06:19,445 I posted that you thought made you look like Shaun White. 156 00:06:19,446 --> 00:06:21,213 - No, you... you... - you said that it 157 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:24,183 made me look like Shaun White in a comment under the photo. 158 00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:28,053 And there is nothing you can do to make up for what you did. 159 00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:30,823 Not even if I got my channel subscriber count up to 200,000, 160 00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:32,558 and I was... I was recently approached 161 00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,193 by a hard-shell luggage advertiser? 162 00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:35,527 Oh. 163 00:06:35,528 --> 00:06:37,997 Well, that changes everything. 164 00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:41,934 Look, please, AJ, I'm so sorry, 165 00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:43,702 but you cannot break up with me. 166 00:06:43,703 --> 00:06:45,004 Why, because you have to get your own 167 00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:46,638 Paramount+ subscription? 168 00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:48,173 No, I don't even watch Paramount Positive anymore, 169 00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:50,476 ever since "Rise of the Pink Ladies" got canceled. 170 00:06:50,477 --> 00:06:51,710 Aw, don't do that. Not the corgi. 171 00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:52,978 I got those for you. 172 00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:55,681 Come on, no, not... not Oswald Cobblepot. 173 00:06:55,682 --> 00:06:57,016 Look, AJ, I'm... I'm sorry, 174 00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,684 but you cannot break up with me, OK? 175 00:06:58,685 --> 00:06:59,818 Let's not... let's not forget 176 00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:00,853 the headline of the main event here 177 00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:02,821 - is that I'm dying. - Don't do that. 178 00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:04,056 Don't try to make me feel bad for you 179 00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:06,592 because you fucked up worse than you have ever fucked up. 180 00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:09,028 - That's fair. - That's why... 181 00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:10,930 that's why I got you this. 182 00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:16,201 What the fuck is that? 183 00:07:16,202 --> 00:07:18,604 It's Tickle Frog. 184 00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:20,507 I ordered him from Japan. 185 00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:24,143 Imagine getting tickled by these digits, 186 00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:26,078 these little bad boys. 187 00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:36,922 I can't tell if you're playing or fighting with him. 188 00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:37,991 What? 189 00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:44,296 Is that a house for them all to live in together? 190 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,898 Yeah. 191 00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:47,566 You should ask if they need a roommate. 192 00:07:47,567 --> 00:07:48,934 Yeah. 193 00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:50,636 Maybe I will because they're pretty great company. 194 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:53,005 Oh, don't do that. Come on. 195 00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:55,074 Don't do that. Not Free William. 196 00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:56,175 Stop it. 197 00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:57,543 It's not gonna fit. 198 00:07:57,544 --> 00:07:58,610 Get me another trash bag. 199 00:07:58,611 --> 00:07:59,878 OK. 200 00:07:59,879 --> 00:08:02,314 What was I thinking, sleeping with Zack? 201 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,717 What were you thinking? 202 00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:05,951 I don't know. 203 00:08:05,952 --> 00:08:07,820 We were at my ex Robert's wedding, 204 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:10,155 and he had just called me selfish 205 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,592 in front of his old pediatrician. 206 00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:17,830 Do you cut your own hair with meat scissors? 207 00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:18,831 I do. 208 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,332 Don't beat yourself up. 209 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:21,834 A lot of people seek physical connection 210 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,736 when they're in a bad emotional place. 211 00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:26,171 Yes, that's exactly it. 212 00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:29,274 When I panic, I turn to sex. 213 00:08:29,275 --> 00:08:32,177 You see panic, turn to the left... boom, there's sex. 214 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,212 Yeah. 215 00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:35,280 It goes panic, sex, 216 00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:38,917 panic, sex, panic, sex, panic... 217 00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,187 What the fuck? 218 00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,023 I thought it might help you get back into the idea 219 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,824 of Cyrano sex since both Isaac 220 00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:47,693 and Joe have boyish jawlines. 221 00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,928 Why do you own a Joe Jonas mask? 222 00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:52,264 Because I'm him for Halloween. 223 00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:53,365 Every year? 224 00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,067 Every year, yes. 225 00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,835 OK, well, put on a goddamn robe. 226 00:08:56,836 --> 00:08:59,638 This is not the time. 227 00:08:59,639 --> 00:09:01,240 That's a shame. 228 00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:04,643 Besides, Isaac is way more handsome than Joe Jonas. 229 00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:07,179 That's an insane thing to say. 230 00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:08,380 Uh, trust. 231 00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,716 You didn't see him in the rain, 232 00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:13,652 all sweet and wet and sexy. 233 00:09:13,653 --> 00:09:16,255 He's perfect... 234 00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:19,625 which is why I need to stay away from him. 235 00:09:19,626 --> 00:09:21,894 Isn't that gonna be hard, since he's paying you to plan 236 00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:24,930 his horny-for-his-parents anniversary party? 237 00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:26,865 I already asked my coworker to cover my meeting 238 00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:28,801 with Isaac tomorrow. 239 00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:30,803 You and I are going to be 240 00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:33,038 with the next person on my timeline... 241 00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:34,273 Aubrey. 242 00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:38,010 She's... I don't know... 243 00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:40,012 kind of my one that got away. 244 00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:41,014 Hmm. 245 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,285 Well, 246 00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:47,753 sucks she's gonna die. 247 00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,755 She's not. 248 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:52,424 I am taking a different approach with her. 249 00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,126 Warning my exes hasn't been working, 250 00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:57,396 so I am going into full protection mode. 251 00:09:57,397 --> 00:09:59,231 We are not going to leave her side. 252 00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:00,432 Oh, so it's we now? 253 00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,101 Yes. 254 00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:03,869 I need to figure out a way to stop this 255 00:10:03,870 --> 00:10:05,971 before the timeline gets to Zack. 256 00:10:05,972 --> 00:10:09,875 It is the only thing I can still do for AJ. 257 00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:11,310 They may not be together anymore, 258 00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:13,012 but I know she still loves him. 259 00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:14,980 OK, well, what do you want me to do? 260 00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:16,882 Because we still don't know why I'm your sex loophole. 261 00:10:16,883 --> 00:10:18,150 I don't know. 262 00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:21,120 Just, like, stand next to her or something. 263 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,822 It could be like an osmosis thing. 264 00:10:23,823 --> 00:10:25,391 Well, I mean, I guess I can do that. 265 00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:28,161 My new job doesn't start till the day after tomorrow. 266 00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:34,933 What new job, you ask? 267 00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:36,969 Oh, that's right. You didn't. 268 00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,303 You actually haven't asked me a single thing 269 00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:39,838 since you got here. 270 00:10:39,839 --> 00:10:41,707 I asked if you cut your hair with meat scissors. 271 00:10:41,708 --> 00:10:43,175 Elitism like that is exactly why 272 00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:45,311 we're never gonna get anything through Congress! 273 00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,448 Well, since I don't appear to be dying anytime soon, 274 00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:52,951 I decided to get a job at Queen Anne Toyota dealership 275 00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:56,088 to make a little, you know, money. 276 00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:58,791 And I'm steaming the polo because you only get one chance 277 00:10:58,792 --> 00:10:59,858 to make a first impression, 278 00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:02,061 but it's proving very difficult. 279 00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:05,330 This machine is not intuitive. 280 00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:08,100 And yes, before you ask, there is water in the tank. 281 00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:10,869 It... 282 00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:12,906 Unbelievable. 283 00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,040 What are you doing? 284 00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:16,175 I was in the middle of telling... 285 00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:18,377 - Fuck your story! - People are dying! 286 00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:19,445 Is that my T-shirt? 287 00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:20,880 Yes! 288 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,485 I would put the party buffet over here, 289 00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:29,121 close to the kitchen. 290 00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:31,423 OK. 291 00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:34,093 It makes it easier for the kitchen staff. 292 00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:36,295 Yeah, and that's what's important, isn't it? 293 00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:39,866 Making this event as easy as possible for the kitchen staff. 294 00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:45,337 - Hey. - Hey. 295 00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:46,438 Look who's here. 296 00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:48,040 It's the son of the hour. 297 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:49,808 - That's a son with an O. - Where's Ruby? 298 00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:51,010 Oh, she's not here today. 299 00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:52,311 It's just you and me, and I'm excited. 300 00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:54,346 I'm excited to show you what I can do. 301 00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:55,514 Bye. 302 00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:57,449 All right, let me just show you what I have set up here. 303 00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,154 Thought we'd go over the seating arrangements today. 304 00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,123 Now, this is a great time to tell me anyone 305 00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:06,492 we should keep separated... conservative aunts... 306 00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,360 - Mm-hmm. - And mouthy cousins 307 00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:10,462 who have thoughts about organized labor. 308 00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:12,098 Sure. Sounds good. 309 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:14,900 Hey. 310 00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:16,502 Is everything OK? 311 00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:18,937 - Yeah. - Yeah, no, totally. 312 00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:21,241 I was just expecting to meet with Ruby today. 313 00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:23,475 No offense. 314 00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:25,811 These tiny tables are so cute. 315 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,483 Hey. 316 00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:33,485 Boy to boy, 317 00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:35,587 something happen between you guys? 318 00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,257 Boy to boy? 319 00:12:40,126 --> 00:12:43,095 OK, truth is, Merci and I broke up, 320 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,830 and Ruby and I kissed the other night. 321 00:12:44,831 --> 00:12:46,098 - Yeah. - Oh. 322 00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,566 She has a lot going on in her personal life, 323 00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:50,135 so we decided to take a beat while she sorts things out. 324 00:12:50,136 --> 00:12:53,539 But I didn't think that meant she'd start avoiding me. 325 00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:56,041 Hate to say it, but I've seen this before. 326 00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:57,843 Don't get me wrong. 327 00:12:57,844 --> 00:12:59,445 Huge Ruby fan. So great. 328 00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,479 So fun, you know? 329 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:01,947 But this is what she does. 330 00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:03,882 She draws people in, which, jealous, 331 00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:05,417 but then she's in control. 332 00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:06,251 She writes the narrative. 333 00:13:06,252 --> 00:13:07,853 You get what she wants to give you 334 00:13:07,854 --> 00:13:09,388 when she wants to give it. 335 00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:12,591 What are you saying? 336 00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:14,259 Huh. 337 00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:16,196 I felt like that was super clear. 338 00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:21,500 I guess the headline is, 339 00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:22,902 welcome to the Ruby Show. 340 00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:35,180 Is this it? 341 00:13:35,181 --> 00:13:37,883 Why are you asking me where your ex-girlfriend works? 342 00:13:37,884 --> 00:13:40,086 Yeah, I think this is it. 343 00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:45,657 I can't believe it took you so long 344 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:46,959 to pick out that outfit. 345 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,260 Of course you can't. 346 00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:50,229 You dress like a teenage boy with mono. 347 00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:54,299 - Oh, boy. - Richie? 348 00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:56,502 Ooh, I love what's about to happen. 349 00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,037 Hi, Chelsea. 350 00:13:58,038 --> 00:13:59,438 What are you doing here? 351 00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:01,373 You said we had to break up because you were dying. 352 00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:03,442 Do you have a colostomy bag I can't see? 353 00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:04,276 Where's your bag? 354 00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:05,310 I don't see a bag. Where's your bag? 355 00:14:05,311 --> 00:14:07,680 Or did you make that up so you could date her? 356 00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:09,682 Oh, no, please leave me out of this. 357 00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:11,350 I just wanna watch. 358 00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,185 I promise you, I did not make it up. 359 00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:17,322 But I did find out that I'm not actually dying. 360 00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:19,158 Yay. 361 00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:21,694 Unfortunately, I think we should remain broken up 362 00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:24,463 because I still hate how you use 363 00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:26,165 the "not me" sentence structure. 364 00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:28,934 "Not me" sentence structure? 365 00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:30,436 "Not me getting broken up with." 366 00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:32,438 Not me having wet nails, 367 00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:34,606 so I can't slap the shit out of you. 368 00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:36,575 Yeah, that's right. 369 00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:38,043 I'm still gonna use it. 370 00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:41,080 I'm not gonna let you rob me of my joy, bitch. 371 00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:43,215 Good luck with this asshole, honey. 372 00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:49,054 Not you dating a girl who doesn't get gels. 373 00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:50,322 OK, well, it's also disgusting 374 00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:52,491 to wear the same nail polish for over a month. 375 00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:56,462 - Whoa. - Whoa. 376 00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:02,434 Oh, God. 377 00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:03,969 Look at her. 378 00:15:03,970 --> 00:15:07,973 ♪ Your power inside ♪ 379 00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:12,344 ♪ It rocks me like a lullaby ♪ 380 00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:15,214 ♪ Your power inside ♪ 381 00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:17,483 - Are my eyes red? - What? 382 00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:19,184 My eyes get really red when I don't get enough sleep, 383 00:15:19,185 --> 00:15:20,619 and I only slept nine hours. 384 00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:22,454 - Are they red? - Wow. 385 00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,390 You're really pressed about this girl. 386 00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:26,225 I told you. 387 00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:28,293 Aubrey's different. 388 00:15:28,294 --> 00:15:29,428 She's... 389 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:30,696 special. 390 00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:31,997 We're gonna stay with her 391 00:15:31,998 --> 00:15:34,266 as long as it takes to keep her safe. 392 00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:35,267 Great. 393 00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,036 Well, I'll be sure to give you the same grace 394 00:15:37,037 --> 00:15:38,504 you gave to me when I confronted my ex 395 00:15:38,505 --> 00:15:39,371 40 seconds ago. 396 00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:42,307 You are a terrible AJ replacement. 397 00:15:42,308 --> 00:15:44,610 Does that mean you won't fuck my boyfriend? 398 00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:47,513 ♪ Whoa-oh-oh ♪ 399 00:15:47,514 --> 00:15:49,014 After you. 400 00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:54,119 It doesn't hurt that much. 401 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,587 Ohhh! 402 00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:57,289 Aubrey? 403 00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:58,557 Jesus. 404 00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:00,125 Wow. 405 00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:02,327 Hey, Ruby. 406 00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:05,030 I-I thought I saw you lingering outside. 407 00:16:05,031 --> 00:16:06,331 You grew your hair out. 408 00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:10,069 You know, it turns out, you need a very specific 409 00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:11,470 type of head for an asymmetrical buzz, 410 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,806 and... and I don't have it. 411 00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:15,341 It's knob city limits up here. 412 00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:17,109 Oh, my God. 413 00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:19,178 I just... I totally forgot you work here. 414 00:16:19,179 --> 00:16:20,346 - Oh, yeah? - Oh, my God. 415 00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:21,747 Who am I? Elle Woods? 416 00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,549 I totally forgot you go here. 417 00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:25,284 Here's my little dog. There's no dog. 418 00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:28,320 It's just dust, but I will clean it for you. 419 00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:31,523 How are you? 420 00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:34,560 This is just such a crazy coincidence. 421 00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:38,497 We... we should sit down in a cozy, quiet place 422 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:41,200 and catch up right now, have a safe little dinner. 423 00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:42,334 You still love prime rib? 424 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,269 Ooh, surely that's not a question 425 00:16:44,270 --> 00:16:45,471 any woman wants to be asked. 426 00:16:45,472 --> 00:16:48,173 Yeah, I... honestly, I can't. 427 00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:50,542 I'm about to go ax-throwing at the bar across the street. 428 00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:52,378 - No, absolutely not. - You're not. 429 00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:54,079 Jesus. 430 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,448 I mean... 431 00:16:56,449 --> 00:16:59,718 I just really need a tattoo right now. 432 00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:02,121 Uh, ooh. 433 00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:03,655 Uh, "That's all, folks." 434 00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:05,290 That could be interesting. 435 00:17:05,291 --> 00:17:06,458 And appropriate. 436 00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:07,694 Shh. 437 00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:16,869 They were really good ideas. 438 00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:18,237 They were not good ideas. 439 00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:19,805 Oh, come on. 440 00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:21,440 A hyperrealistic Betty Boop? 441 00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:22,574 That would have been a sick tattoo. 442 00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:24,677 - That would have been creepy. - Why would you want that? 443 00:17:24,678 --> 00:17:25,544 You're just saying that 444 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:26,779 'cause you know you couldn't do it. 445 00:17:26,780 --> 00:17:28,447 Oh, I could have done it. 446 00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:31,884 Kate Beckinsale with, like, what was it, aviator goggles? 447 00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:32,785 That one would have been hard. 448 00:17:32,786 --> 00:17:34,319 Well, you know how much "Serendipity" 449 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:35,754 and aviation mean to me. 450 00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:38,750 Well, I think you made the right choice. 451 00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:41,660 Aw. 452 00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:43,395 Is that a R for Richie? 453 00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:44,663 That's so sweet, babe. 454 00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:45,764 Stop it. 455 00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:46,732 I am not your babe. 456 00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:47,766 He is not my babe. 457 00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:49,268 We are not together. 458 00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:51,637 Yeah, that sounds familiar. 459 00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:52,805 Excuse me? 460 00:17:52,806 --> 00:17:53,839 No, nothing. 461 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,175 Just remembering that, uh, 462 00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:58,544 you had a hard time defining us. 463 00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:00,646 Why we gotta be put in a box? 464 00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:02,748 And you felt like we needed a break 465 00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:05,250 to rediscover ourselves as individuals. 466 00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:07,252 Is that not healthy? 467 00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,688 And seeing you now, it's clear 468 00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:12,891 that you haven't fully dealt with your shit. 469 00:18:12,892 --> 00:18:14,893 What is that supposed to mean? 470 00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:17,830 Ow! 471 00:18:17,831 --> 00:18:20,699 I'll be more gentle. 472 00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:21,834 Thank you. 473 00:18:21,835 --> 00:18:25,304 You like to keep one foot out of every relationship 474 00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:26,672 that you're in. 475 00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:29,441 It's 'cause of your crippling intimacy issues. 476 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:30,776 It's why you couldn't handle us. 477 00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:33,645 That is not at all how I remember our relationship. 478 00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:35,314 We had no problem with intimacy. 479 00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:36,815 We were graphically intimate. 480 00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:38,183 My cleaning lady quit. 481 00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:39,718 That was sex. 482 00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:40,753 That's different. 483 00:18:40,754 --> 00:18:43,422 We dated for over a year, and you tried to keep me 484 00:18:43,423 --> 00:18:45,424 from ever really knowing you. 485 00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:47,359 You never showed any vulnerability. 486 00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,461 People always say that. 487 00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,397 "Show vulnerability." 488 00:18:51,398 --> 00:18:52,664 What does that even mean? 489 00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:54,600 It means, it took you six months 490 00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:56,335 to tell me that you hadn't talked to your dad 491 00:18:56,336 --> 00:18:57,703 since you were 18. 492 00:18:57,704 --> 00:19:00,205 You never asked. 493 00:19:00,206 --> 00:19:01,507 I literally asked you, 494 00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:02,775 "When was the last time you talked to your dad?" 495 00:19:02,776 --> 00:19:04,810 And you were like, "Sydney Sweeney is so hot, 496 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,779 but it's, like, enough with the Broncos." 497 00:19:06,780 --> 00:19:08,480 Well, it is. 498 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,949 I would let her drive one right over my mother's face. 499 00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:12,818 Back it up. Do it again. 500 00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:14,620 What's your point, Aubrey? 501 00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:17,790 You're afraid that if you let anyone know you, 502 00:19:17,791 --> 00:19:19,725 you'll get left again. 503 00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:23,796 So you subconsciously do something to push them away 504 00:19:23,797 --> 00:19:25,431 before that can happen. 505 00:19:25,432 --> 00:19:28,267 Which I'm guessing is what you did to AJ? 506 00:19:28,268 --> 00:19:29,768 You talked to AJ? 507 00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:31,770 No, 508 00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:34,606 but you're at your worst when she's not around. 509 00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,576 And I've never seen you this bad. 510 00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:41,580 Every couple keeps secrets from each other, Ruby. 511 00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:43,615 Mine was, 512 00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:45,951 I knew you long before you pushed me away. 513 00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:56,562 There's just this, like... 514 00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:58,897 emptiness I keep trying to fill 515 00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:01,033 with all the wrong things. 516 00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:07,373 I don't even know why. 517 00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:09,742 You know why. 518 00:20:09,743 --> 00:20:11,410 Your mother's death. 519 00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:15,748 Your... your dad just up and leaving after. 520 00:20:19,953 --> 00:20:22,554 I know it hurts, 521 00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:25,691 but if you really wanna move forward, 522 00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:30,295 you have to deal with the pain of your past. 523 00:20:30,296 --> 00:20:32,464 How am I supposed to even do that? 524 00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:36,535 You know what you need to do. 525 00:20:36,536 --> 00:20:38,404 Actually talk to your dad. 526 00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:41,040 Try and... I don't know... 527 00:20:41,041 --> 00:20:42,541 clear up some of that trauma. 528 00:20:47,881 --> 00:20:49,481 It wasn't me! 529 00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:51,583 I didn't... I didn't shoot. 530 00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:53,852 Fuck! Check my body cam. 531 00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:55,488 Ah, fuck! It's off! 532 00:21:18,912 --> 00:21:19,912 What are... 533 00:21:19,913 --> 00:21:22,715 Do you have a printer? 534 00:21:22,716 --> 00:21:23,549 No. 535 00:21:25,018 --> 00:21:28,654 But if you send it to the lady down the hall, 536 00:21:28,655 --> 00:21:30,923 she'll usually just slide it under the door. 537 00:21:30,924 --> 00:21:34,560 It's HP 3158736 LaserJet. 538 00:21:34,561 --> 00:21:36,463 Use tray two. 539 00:21:39,866 --> 00:21:41,033 Sorry. 540 00:21:41,034 --> 00:21:42,601 What are you writing? 541 00:21:42,602 --> 00:21:43,836 A letter to my dad. 542 00:21:43,837 --> 00:21:45,671 I've put it off for too long, and, 543 00:21:45,672 --> 00:21:48,774 in a way, it was Aubrey's last wish. 544 00:21:48,775 --> 00:21:50,676 Are you sure you wanna do that right now? 545 00:21:50,677 --> 00:21:52,644 Well, what I wanna do right now 546 00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:54,546 is never be with a man again. 547 00:21:54,547 --> 00:21:55,748 I have always known that I was queer, 548 00:21:55,749 --> 00:21:59,418 but I am queerer than I thought. 549 00:21:59,419 --> 00:22:00,986 Do you want shrimp? 550 00:22:00,987 --> 00:22:02,421 What? 551 00:22:02,422 --> 00:22:05,457 I am going to order shrimp, 552 00:22:05,458 --> 00:22:06,959 the cold kind you peel with your hands. 553 00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:09,128 Uh, no, I'm OK. 554 00:22:09,129 --> 00:22:10,763 Oh, see? 555 00:22:10,764 --> 00:22:13,767 A woman would have said yes to shrimp. 556 00:22:15,135 --> 00:22:17,569 What is this? 557 00:22:17,570 --> 00:22:18,971 Why are you acting like when Buzz Lightyear 558 00:22:18,972 --> 00:22:20,839 became Mrs. Nesbitt? 559 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,509 I've never seen "Toy Story." 560 00:22:23,510 --> 00:22:24,576 Yes, you have. 561 00:22:24,577 --> 00:22:26,545 No, I haven't. 562 00:22:26,546 --> 00:22:28,013 - You have. - Um, I haven't. 563 00:22:28,014 --> 00:22:29,715 Yes, you have seen "Toy Story," Ruby! 564 00:22:29,716 --> 00:22:31,784 - No, I haven't! - I haven't seen it! 565 00:22:31,785 --> 00:22:33,719 I haven't seen it, and maybe I have. 566 00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,788 And maybe I have and I'm trying to forget it, OK? 567 00:22:35,789 --> 00:22:38,090 Maybe I thought it was fucked when RC smashed 568 00:22:38,091 --> 00:22:40,159 into Mr. Potato Head and his head exploded 569 00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:42,027 all over the moving van and... 570 00:22:42,028 --> 00:22:44,129 and Rex and Bo-Peep just had to stand 571 00:22:44,130 --> 00:22:45,998 and fucking watch it happen. 572 00:22:48,535 --> 00:22:50,135 - All right. - All right. 573 00:22:50,136 --> 00:22:52,071 Come here. 574 00:22:54,474 --> 00:22:55,541 It's OK. 575 00:22:55,542 --> 00:22:57,910 It's not OK. 576 00:22:57,911 --> 00:23:00,512 Aubrey's gone. 577 00:23:00,513 --> 00:23:04,049 She's just fucking gone. 578 00:23:04,050 --> 00:23:08,220 She was the only person who's ever seen who I really am. 579 00:23:08,221 --> 00:23:10,790 I'm so sorry, Ruby. 580 00:23:14,527 --> 00:23:15,962 Hey, listen to me. 581 00:23:21,234 --> 00:23:24,070 I see who you really are. 582 00:23:30,243 --> 00:23:32,778 I'm gonna make us a drink. 583 00:23:45,692 --> 00:23:49,495 So many people are dead. 584 00:23:49,496 --> 00:23:52,164 What's the point of even trying to solve this thing anymore? 585 00:23:52,165 --> 00:23:53,265 What do you mean? 586 00:23:53,266 --> 00:23:56,201 I mean nothing is working. 587 00:23:56,202 --> 00:23:58,837 Oh, no. 588 00:23:58,838 --> 00:23:59,805 No way. 589 00:23:59,806 --> 00:24:01,540 You can't give up now. 590 00:24:01,541 --> 00:24:03,976 Aubrey wouldn't want that. 591 00:24:03,977 --> 00:24:07,079 And neither would David or Brandon 592 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:08,547 or Stu Jackward. 593 00:24:10,283 --> 00:24:12,951 You remember my dead exes' names. 594 00:24:12,952 --> 00:24:15,654 Well, given the circumstances, 595 00:24:15,655 --> 00:24:17,089 I don't think that's as creepy as it sounds. 596 00:24:18,792 --> 00:24:21,960 Now, I don't have an iPad Mini like AJ, 597 00:24:21,961 --> 00:24:25,732 but I do have Mrs. Martyushev's LaserJet. 598 00:24:30,103 --> 00:24:33,639 The next person on the timeline is... 599 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:35,107 Brad. 600 00:24:35,108 --> 00:24:37,710 Um, why does his name have three question marks after it? 601 00:24:37,711 --> 00:24:39,111 Because I remember we hooked up, 602 00:24:39,112 --> 00:24:41,881 but I don't remember if we had sex. 603 00:24:43,983 --> 00:24:45,851 AJ used to love trying to remember 604 00:24:45,852 --> 00:24:48,921 if I had sex with someone. 605 00:24:48,922 --> 00:24:50,289 Look, if there's anything we've learned, 606 00:24:50,290 --> 00:24:52,558 it's that life is short. 607 00:24:52,559 --> 00:24:55,194 I think you should reach out to AJ. 608 00:24:55,195 --> 00:24:56,295 Who knows? 609 00:24:56,296 --> 00:24:59,165 Maybe she's processed it and is in a forgiving mood. 610 00:25:01,067 --> 00:25:02,735 Delete. 611 00:25:02,736 --> 00:25:04,136 Delete. 612 00:25:04,137 --> 00:25:06,705 Ignore, bitch. 613 00:25:06,706 --> 00:25:08,008 Delete. 614 00:25:09,809 --> 00:25:10,943 Skinny arm on me. 615 00:25:10,944 --> 00:25:11,945 Crop. 616 00:25:16,016 --> 00:25:17,216 - Say it again. - Oh. 617 00:25:17,217 --> 00:25:18,917 Say what you just said. 618 00:25:18,918 --> 00:25:20,786 I've never voted! 619 00:25:22,655 --> 00:25:23,622 ♪ Somebody once told me ♪ 620 00:25:23,623 --> 00:25:24,757 Oh, my God. 621 00:25:24,758 --> 00:25:25,924 - Oh, my God. - Oh, my God. 622 00:25:25,925 --> 00:25:28,027 Oh, my God. 623 00:25:28,028 --> 00:25:30,062 God damn it. 624 00:25:30,063 --> 00:25:30,963 Hey, film us. 625 00:25:30,964 --> 00:25:32,297 You need to film us. 626 00:25:32,298 --> 00:25:33,599 Shouldn't we be working? 627 00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:34,700 OK, boo! 628 00:25:34,701 --> 00:25:36,635 So boring. 629 00:25:36,636 --> 00:25:38,137 OK, you ready? 630 00:25:38,138 --> 00:25:40,739 You ready? Ready? Ready? 631 00:25:40,740 --> 00:25:42,174 ♪ Well, the years start comin' ♪ 632 00:25:42,175 --> 00:25:44,109 How do we remember this dance? 633 00:25:44,110 --> 00:25:45,377 I don't know. 634 00:25:45,378 --> 00:25:46,812 Oh, hey, I'm Ruby. 635 00:25:46,813 --> 00:25:48,180 I'm the center of the universe. 636 00:25:48,181 --> 00:25:49,948 Now watch me do a stupid fucking dance 637 00:25:49,949 --> 00:25:52,217 to a perfect fucking song. 638 00:25:52,218 --> 00:25:53,619 What? 639 00:25:56,923 --> 00:25:58,357 What... what are we doing? 640 00:25:58,358 --> 00:25:59,792 Are we going towards me or you? 641 00:25:59,793 --> 00:26:00,859 - Yes, we're going towards you. - Yes. 642 00:26:00,860 --> 00:26:02,628 To the right. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. 643 00:26:02,629 --> 00:26:04,229 Is my shirt wrinkled in the back? 644 00:26:04,230 --> 00:26:05,831 Why are you acting like an eighth grade girl 645 00:26:05,832 --> 00:26:06,765 with her first hair straightener? 646 00:26:06,766 --> 00:26:08,334 - It's your right shoulder. - It's fine. 647 00:26:08,335 --> 00:26:10,369 Bring it back. 648 00:26:10,370 --> 00:26:11,403 Hey, Brad. 649 00:26:11,404 --> 00:26:12,971 Oh, good. You're here. 650 00:26:12,972 --> 00:26:13,806 OK. 651 00:26:13,807 --> 00:26:15,341 Can I talk to you for a second? 652 00:26:15,342 --> 00:26:16,408 Of course. What's up? 653 00:26:16,409 --> 00:26:18,677 Well, um... 654 00:26:18,678 --> 00:26:19,912 Shh. Hey, Brenda. 655 00:26:19,913 --> 00:26:22,215 Please, we'll do this later. 656 00:26:23,750 --> 00:26:25,784 Sorry about that. 657 00:26:25,785 --> 00:26:28,387 So you remember how we hooked up a couple times 658 00:26:28,388 --> 00:26:29,822 for a stretch there? 659 00:26:29,823 --> 00:26:31,657 It was obviously super casual, 660 00:26:31,658 --> 00:26:32,891 almost like a handshake. 661 00:26:32,892 --> 00:26:35,394 Oh, look, the Ruby Show is in town. 662 00:26:35,395 --> 00:26:37,262 Well, it is not important why, 663 00:26:37,263 --> 00:26:40,332 but... actually, it's super important why. 664 00:26:40,333 --> 00:26:44,304 But how I say it sort of depends on your answer to this. 665 00:26:45,805 --> 00:26:48,841 I sort of can't remember if we actually... 666 00:26:48,842 --> 00:26:50,877 slept together or not. 667 00:26:52,278 --> 00:26:53,979 - What, you gonna Me Too me? - Is this your lawyer? 668 00:26:53,980 --> 00:26:56,982 - College is a scam. - What? No. 669 00:26:56,983 --> 00:26:57,950 Are you worried I'm gonna Me Too you? 670 00:26:57,951 --> 00:26:58,951 - Is that the problem? - No. 671 00:26:58,952 --> 00:27:00,986 No one is Me Too-ing anyone. 672 00:27:00,987 --> 00:27:03,122 I just need to know. 673 00:27:03,123 --> 00:27:05,290 All right. 674 00:27:05,291 --> 00:27:08,193 Well, no. 675 00:27:08,194 --> 00:27:08,961 Never had sex. 676 00:27:08,962 --> 00:27:11,230 Just hand stuff, over the clothes. 677 00:27:11,231 --> 00:27:12,898 - Hand stuff. - You know, a little honk-honk, 678 00:27:12,899 --> 00:27:14,400 a little rub-a-dub-a-doo. 679 00:27:14,401 --> 00:27:15,934 Thank God. 680 00:27:15,935 --> 00:27:18,003 Oh, boy, the hits just keep on coming, don't they? 681 00:27:18,004 --> 00:27:19,738 - No, no, no. - It's not that. 682 00:27:19,739 --> 00:27:21,006 It's... 683 00:27:21,007 --> 00:27:23,008 OK, this is going to sound super crazy, 684 00:27:23,009 --> 00:27:25,878 but something really terrible has been happening 685 00:27:25,879 --> 00:27:27,813 to all the people I've had sex with. 686 00:27:27,814 --> 00:27:30,482 They're kind of dying. 687 00:27:30,483 --> 00:27:33,952 They're definitely dying, actually, 688 00:27:33,953 --> 00:27:35,721 in the order I slept with them. 689 00:27:35,722 --> 00:27:37,356 And not from STDs or anything. 690 00:27:37,357 --> 00:27:42,494 They're, like, really random, often violent deaths. 691 00:27:42,495 --> 00:27:44,296 No. It's OK. 692 00:27:44,297 --> 00:27:47,433 You and I didn't sleep together, so you're safe. 693 00:27:47,434 --> 00:27:49,902 It's Brad! 694 00:27:49,903 --> 00:27:51,470 - AJ? - Back up, Robert Durst. 695 00:27:51,471 --> 00:27:52,971 I heard your burped confession. 696 00:27:52,972 --> 00:27:54,173 It's him. It's Brad. 697 00:27:54,174 --> 00:27:55,774 What are you talking about? 698 00:27:55,775 --> 00:27:57,076 Just watch. 699 00:27:57,077 --> 00:27:58,344 ♪ Hey, now, you're ♪ 700 00:27:58,345 --> 00:27:59,378 Thanks, Brad. 701 00:27:59,379 --> 00:28:01,080 Can't wait to take advantage of your kindness 702 00:28:01,081 --> 00:28:03,082 and your ambition again soon. 703 00:28:03,083 --> 00:28:05,117 - I hate you, Ruby. - You hear me? I hate you. 704 00:28:05,118 --> 00:28:07,186 ♪ Get paid ♪ 705 00:28:07,187 --> 00:28:08,253 - But guess what. - Guess what. 706 00:28:08,254 --> 00:28:09,455 I have a little secret for you. 707 00:28:09,456 --> 00:28:11,824 You want to hear it? 708 00:28:11,825 --> 00:28:13,459 I put a hex on you. 709 00:28:13,460 --> 00:28:15,894 ♪ The mold ♪ 710 00:28:15,895 --> 00:28:18,330 ♪ And all that glitters is gold ♪ 711 00:28:19,933 --> 00:28:21,467 ♪ Only shootin' stars ♪ 712 00:28:21,468 --> 00:28:22,768 I guess it's working. 713 00:28:22,769 --> 00:28:28,007 ♪ Break the mold ♪ 714 00:28:33,847 --> 00:28:35,347 ♪ Hey ♪ 715 00:28:38,118 --> 00:28:40,019 ♪ Fuh, yeah ♪ 716 00:28:40,020 --> 00:28:42,221 ♪ I'm in a bad mood ♪ 717 00:28:42,222 --> 00:28:43,989 ♪ Not in a good mood ♪ 718 00:28:43,990 --> 00:28:45,324 ♪ Yeah ♪ 719 00:28:45,325 --> 00:28:47,526 ♪ No, the batteries not included ♪ 720 00:28:47,527 --> 00:28:49,161 ♪ No ♪ 721 00:28:49,162 --> 00:28:50,896 ♪ Not in a good mood ♪ 722 00:28:50,897 --> 00:28:52,231 ♪ Yeah ♪ 723 00:28:52,232 --> 00:28:55,968 ♪ Yes, the bullets are included ♪ 724 00:28:55,969 --> 00:28:57,503 ♪ You made too much bad moves ♪ 725 00:28:57,504 --> 00:28:59,004 ♪ Yeah ♪ 726 00:28:59,005 --> 00:29:01,073 ♪ Now my mama doesn't like you ♪ 727 00:29:01,074 --> 00:29:02,207 ♪ No ♪ 728 00:29:02,208 --> 00:29:04,510 ♪ Hated like my first time ♪ 729 00:29:04,511 --> 00:29:05,911 ♪ Yeah ♪ 730 00:29:05,912 --> 00:29:07,813 ♪ Guys like you the worst type ♪ 731 00:29:07,814 --> 00:29:09,114 ♪ Yeah ♪ 732 00:29:09,115 --> 00:29:11,383 ♪ Things that money can't buy ♪ 733 00:29:11,384 --> 00:29:12,418 ♪ No ♪ 734 00:29:12,419 --> 00:29:14,820 ♪ If I was you, I'd be high ♪ 735 00:29:14,821 --> 00:29:16,288 ♪ Yeah ♪ 736 00:29:20,026 --> 00:29:21,994 I think that's a good idea. 47860

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