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♪ ♪
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00:00:01,918 --> 00:00:03,377
BELA: Sorry I'm late.
3
00:00:03,378 --> 00:00:04,837
My liner took me three tries.
4
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:07,297
Bela, you're literally glowing!
5
00:00:07,298 --> 00:00:09,466
(gasps) Does this mean
what I think it does?
6
00:00:09,467 --> 00:00:11,468
- You and Arvind finally had sex?
- Sadly, no.
7
00:00:11,469 --> 00:00:13,303
The orgasmic glow you
are noticing is from
8
00:00:13,304 --> 00:00:14,930
a foot-peeling mask that I
accidentally used on my face.
9
00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:16,807
- Oh.
- It took off the top layer of my skin.
10
00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:19,143
Wow. Am I wrong in assuming
this is the longest stretch
11
00:00:19,144 --> 00:00:21,812
- you've gone without having sex?
- BELA: Sure is, but,
12
00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:24,231
whatever. I have accepted
the reality for what it is.
13
00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:26,025
I'll have sex when I'm
supposed to have sex.
14
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,486
I'll survive... I think.
15
00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:30,904
Hello, friends.
16
00:00:30,905 --> 00:00:33,574
I brought you all some
cupcakes with my face on it.
17
00:00:33,575 --> 00:00:35,743
But please be careful 'cause
the photo is not edible.
18
00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,244
Somebody got real sick.
19
00:00:37,245 --> 00:00:39,329
Okay, but, um, why?
20
00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:41,123
This is all a part of
my grassroots campaign
21
00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:43,250
to get on Essex 50 Most List.
22
00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:45,419
What's Essex's 50 Most List?
23
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,629
The campus magazine does
this big issue every year
24
00:00:47,630 --> 00:00:49,423
where they rank the 50
hottest students on campus,
25
00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:50,841
and then they write about them.
26
00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:52,509
JAYLA: It is
major social cred.
27
00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:54,678
So I'm already campaigning.
28
00:00:54,679 --> 00:00:57,514
So, remember, that's
"Jayla" with a "Y,"
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00:00:57,515 --> 00:00:59,183
not to be confused
with Ugly Jala.
30
00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:01,352
Essex has a student organization
31
00:01:01,353 --> 00:01:02,728
that ranks people
by their looks,
32
00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:04,313
and I'm just finding
out about this now?
33
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:05,689
(sighs) Everyone is so thirsty
34
00:01:05,690 --> 00:01:07,483
for that dumb list
this time of year.
35
00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:09,360
Half my teammates got blowouts
before last week's game.
36
00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:10,944
They're all a week ahead of me?
37
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It's so backwards and archaic.
38
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:14,448
The world needs to get
better at acknowledging
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00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:16,408
that some things are subjective.
40
00:01:16,409 --> 00:01:17,951
Not everything
needs to be ranked.
41
00:01:17,952 --> 00:01:19,495
Aren't you obsessed
42
00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:21,163
with the U.S. News and
World college rankings?
43
00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:22,623
Not anymore, since
they totally fucked us.
44
00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:24,792
Big deal, Columbia
has a nursing program.
45
00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:27,252
Our student-to-faculty
ratio crushes theirs.
46
00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:28,879
Okay, well, I am so
getting on this list.
47
00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:30,214
Do you guys have a good place
48
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:31,715
where you can get
a vampire facial?
49
00:01:31,716 --> 00:01:33,509
- I don't know what that means.
- (phone chimes)
50
00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:34,885
- Mm-mm.
- BELA: Ooh! I just got a text
51
00:01:34,886 --> 00:01:36,220
from Arvind saying he hopes
52
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I'm free tomorrow. Here we go!
53
00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:40,224
Okay! This might be it!
54
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:44,687
And... he wants me to volunteer
with him at an old folks' home.
55
00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:47,690
It's official. I'm definitely
never having sex again.
56
00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:49,274
Whitney, can I borrow
your Theragun later?
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00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:50,901
With that segue? No.
58
00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:55,240
Vote for Jayla. Put
the "A" in slay. Slay.
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00:01:56,032 --> 00:01:57,866
I need a tagline.
60
00:01:57,867 --> 00:02:00,911
♪ I'm-a kick back when
you fake like that ♪
61
00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:04,248
♪ Head out of the game,
I don't play that fact ♪
62
00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:06,375
♪ Once you let me go, no,
you never come back... ♪
63
00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:08,085
- That's crazy.
- Dude, I can't believe
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00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:09,503
you were just at
soccer practice.
65
00:02:09,504 --> 00:02:11,922
That fall the other
day was so gnarly.
66
00:02:11,923 --> 00:02:14,425
- I thought you were dead for a second.
- It wasn't that bad.
67
00:02:14,426 --> 00:02:17,720
Did the team doc give you
anything? Pills? Shot?
68
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:21,432
No, no, they just, um,
told me to ice and rest.
69
00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:23,642
- Whitney!
- Hey, Professor Milton.
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00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:24,977
Uh, Willow, this
is, uh, my professor
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00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,437
who's running the fish lab.
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00:02:26,438 --> 00:02:28,230
The one I've been doing
the research with.
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00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:29,815
Ah, so you're the reason
Whitney smells weird
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00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:31,525
- on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
- I certainly am.
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00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:33,944
And that stink is the
price you have to pay
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00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:35,654
to find a cure for fin rot.
77
00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:37,656
Now, has Whitney
explained fin rot to you?
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00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:39,658
WILLOW: No, but you don't
have to, either. I'm good.
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00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:42,453
Uh, Whitney, unfortunately,
I've got some bad news.
80
00:02:42,454 --> 00:02:44,621
The university decided
not to fund us.
81
00:02:44,622 --> 00:02:46,206
- Seriously? What the heck.
- Mm-hmm.
82
00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:47,875
I-I thought our
prospectus was good.
83
00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:50,169
- This is just how it goes in research.
- Hmm.
84
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,795
You know, no matter
what good we can do,
85
00:02:51,796 --> 00:02:54,006
- we're at the mercy of the dollar.
- Right.
86
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,466
Well, thank you for telling me.
87
00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:56,925
Hey, don't let it get you down.
88
00:02:56,926 --> 00:02:58,886
You know, just keep
doing what you're doing,
89
00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:01,138
do your work, and eventually,
something will bite, and, uh,
90
00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:02,473
let's hope that
bite doesn't come
91
00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:04,183
from the Amazonian candiru fish.
92
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,143
(both laughing loudly)
93
00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:07,978
- Because, because... Do you know the fish?
- Because...
94
00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:09,646
- I'll explain. I'll explain it to her.
- Oh.
95
00:03:09,647 --> 00:03:11,023
- That's really good.
- Thank you.
96
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,441
Thank you. I needed that.
97
00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:13,817
- Yeah. It was nice to meet you.
- Yeah.
98
00:03:13,818 --> 00:03:16,362
♪ Man, when you caught my eye ♪
99
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:18,864
♪ I was losing my mind ♪
100
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,158
♪ Dreamed and when I woke... ♪
101
00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:22,785
Whoa. What's with
the spreadsheet?
102
00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:24,244
You know you don't
have to do your taxes
103
00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:25,871
until you're, like, 25, right?
104
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:27,831
Oh, that's not true.
105
00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:30,000
It's not? Well, fuck.
106
00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:31,710
This is an intricate
grid of all the in-person
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00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:33,379
and digital connections
I have with students
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00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,381
who work on Essex's
50 Most List.
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00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:37,925
It shows people
who I've gotten to,
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00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:41,011
and people who I still need
to, you know, hunt down.
111
00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:43,514
Wow. You really locked in
since learning about the list.
112
00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:46,934
I have to! So many girls
are angling for this,
113
00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:49,478
and as a new transfer student,
I have to work harder.
114
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:50,896
I will not be snubbed an award
115
00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:52,981
by some rando who
didn't know I existed.
116
00:03:52,982 --> 00:03:54,817
This is how I won Little
Miss North Dakota,
117
00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:56,694
and I've never even
set foot in a Dakota.
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00:03:56,695 --> 00:03:59,279
Well, um, I don't know if
this matters to you or not,
119
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,031
but whether or not
you make that list,
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00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:02,366
we think you're beautiful.
121
00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:04,284
Oh, that's so sweet.
122
00:04:04,285 --> 00:04:05,619
Would you be willing
to tweet that
123
00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:07,371
from a few hundred
fake accounts?
124
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:10,332
Okay, well, I'm off. I'm
officially ahead on all
125
00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:13,043
of my homework and reading, so
I have a free day to myself!
126
00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:14,503
Wow. What are you gonna do?
127
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:16,588
I'm gonna do the official
Essex campus tour.
128
00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:17,881
Isn't that for, like,
high school students
129
00:04:17,882 --> 00:04:19,842
- who don't go here yet?
- It is,
130
00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,677
but I couldn't afford to
fly here when I applied.
131
00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:23,846
But it's for the best, because
I have so many questions
132
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:26,056
about the benches.
133
00:04:26,057 --> 00:04:27,850
Okay, well, have fun.
134
00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:30,561
Ooh. When you walk by the
Essex View office, will you
135
00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:34,023
talk really loudly about how
cute Kacey Lynn Baker is?
136
00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:36,942
- Sure.
- Yay! Thank you.
137
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:39,362
♪ ♪
138
00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:44,491
Go fish.
139
00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:45,993
Aren't we playing checkers?
140
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:47,745
Yeah, we play whatever
they think we're playing.
141
00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:49,079
Uh, Estelle,
142
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,914
- you win again.
- Ha!
143
00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:53,542
- Suck it, Morris.
- BELA: Thanks for inviting me.
144
00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:55,085
I did think having a date
in an old folks' home
145
00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:56,587
would be weird, and it is,
146
00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:58,672
but I'm loving the
unlimited pudding policy.
147
00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:01,467
Of course. I find helping
the elderly so rewarding,
148
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,052
and only half of
them are racist,
149
00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:05,220
which is pretty good
for people over 80.
150
00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:07,639
- That is good.
- This is the girl
151
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:10,351
Arvind's been dating
behind our back.
152
00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:13,020
She's very pretty,
but can she make
153
00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:15,189
Ukrainian stuffed peppers?
154
00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:17,941
You know, Arvind,
women don't hit
155
00:05:17,942 --> 00:05:20,944
their sexual prime
until their 60s.
156
00:05:20,945 --> 00:05:23,280
Uh, sorry about them, they're
a little protective of me.
157
00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:26,700
No, it's okay, I love a
little friendly competition.
158
00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:29,286
- ARVIND: Ooh.
- But back off, ladies, he's mine.
159
00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:31,121
What did you say about my back?
160
00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:33,457
Nothing. Your back is great.
161
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:35,334
No, it isn't.
162
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:38,671
Hey, I finally have a night
off from FAF duties tomorrow.
163
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:41,340
Wait, so do I. We haven't had a
night off together in so long.
164
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,800
We have to go out.
165
00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:46,261
Out? Like, to a party?
Yeah, that could be fun.
166
00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:49,139
Admittedly, ever since I became
a FAF, I don't really party.
167
00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:52,643
- Wait, so you haven't been to a party all year?
- Calendar year or school year?
168
00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:55,521
- I don't know why I asked that. Either way, the answer is no.
- Okay, then,
169
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,314
it's settled, tomorrow
I'm taking you out.
170
00:05:57,315 --> 00:06:00,651
Get ready to see Bela
Malhotra tear up the campus.
171
00:06:00,652 --> 00:06:02,861
Ooh, okay, let's do it.
172
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:05,489
Let's get turned.
173
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:07,616
- It's "turnt."
- Turnt. Right.
174
00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:09,201
I think it's so sweet
175
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:13,038
you both came to this
country and found love.
176
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:15,666
Wow, you know, she's
not even the racist one.
177
00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:17,876
Bingo!
178
00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:19,837
♪ ♪
179
00:06:19,838 --> 00:06:21,463
KIMBERLY: So, what do you
think of Essex so far?
180
00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:23,340
If I were you, I'd apply early.
181
00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:24,508
It's actually my safety school.
182
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:26,010
I'm hoping to get into Columbia.
183
00:06:26,011 --> 00:06:27,177
Columbia?
184
00:06:27,178 --> 00:06:28,846
Okay, well, have fun at the Ivy
185
00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:30,931
with the lowest student
satisfaction rate
186
00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:32,850
according to multiple
Reddit posts.
187
00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:34,977
BRIAN: Hello,
prospective students
188
00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:37,563
and prospective
parents... and Kimberly?
189
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,106
Brian? You're our tour guide?
190
00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:42,026
Yeah. Uh, Kimberly
is a fellow student
191
00:06:42,027 --> 00:06:43,986
from one of my classes
192
00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:46,363
- who, I guess, is, uh, taking the tour.
- Mm-hmm.
193
00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:48,741
- Weird.
- No, that's not weird. I guess you could say
194
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,534
I'm not just a student at Essex,
195
00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:52,202
I'm also a student of Essex.
196
00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:55,039
Wow, that is going into a
brochure, if I have any pull.
197
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,875
Um, so, do you have
any special requests?
198
00:06:57,876 --> 00:07:00,169
Okay, I would never want
to back-seat tour-guide,
199
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:03,047
but I do have some questions
about the lattice work
200
00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:04,423
in the Divinity Solarium.
201
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,717
And also, I heard
that the original desk
202
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:09,386
that John Essex used was
converted into a bookcase?
203
00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,805
- I would love to see that.
- COLIN: I'd like to see the Sbarro
204
00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:14,141
- in the student center.
- Uh, yeah, okay.
205
00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:16,226
Though, unfortunately, we
lost our licensing deal,
206
00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:18,354
and it is now called a Sbumo.
207
00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:22,524
- (sighs) - Okay, potential Foxes,
let's get this tour started.
208
00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:24,068
First up, our library,
which was originally
209
00:07:24,069 --> 00:07:26,278
Vermont's first
high-security prison.
210
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,614
I fucking knew it.
211
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:31,533
Keep these details coming,
Brian, I am living.
212
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:34,454
♪ ♪
213
00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:38,791
Goodbye, Doug. I
will always remember
214
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,334
the time I accidentally
touched you
215
00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:42,586
and got pink eye the next day.
216
00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:45,005
Step away from the tank.
217
00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:46,423
We got the funding!
218
00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:48,133
No way. Really?
That's unbelievable.
219
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:49,635
It is a miracle,
although, as a scientist,
220
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,178
I do not believe in those.
221
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:52,596
Well, now we can finally
get that self-cleaning
222
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:53,681
filtration system and nobody
223
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:55,265
has to be on algae duty.
224
00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:57,267
Exactly. Although, I do find
225
00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:58,936
scraping the tank to be calming.
226
00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:00,938
Wait, so, who is this
mysterious donor?
227
00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:03,232
Some telecom
billionaire's venture firm
228
00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:05,109
called Beaconvest Capital.
229
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:06,610
Really? Oh, God.
230
00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:07,945
What? Did they do something bad?
231
00:08:07,946 --> 00:08:09,613
Is this, like,
dirty opioid money?
232
00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:11,407
Actually, don't tell me,
I-I really need this.
233
00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:12,866
Uh, no, uh...
234
00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:15,703
it's just, that's my
boyfriend's dad's company.
235
00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:19,123
It is? Oh, finally, a
student with connections.
236
00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:21,125
Hey, if you'd be
willing to introduce us,
237
00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:22,960
I have a few proposals
I want to run by him.
238
00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:25,129
I have this idea for a
restaurant that is awesome.
239
00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:27,798
(chuckles) All right, boys,
tonight, we celebrate.
240
00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:29,800
Double flakes for everyone.
241
00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:32,845
Oop, sorry, Shelly.
Shouldn't have said "boys."
242
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:35,889
♪ I came here ready
for a good time... ♪
243
00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:39,059
I think if you, like, went
into that situation...
244
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:41,979
- CHLOE: Excuse me.
- Heads up, the frats are doing hell week,
245
00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:43,772
so everybody be on the
lookout for pranks.
246
00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:46,233
And by pranks, I do
mean people pooping
247
00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:49,028
- in the laundry dryers.
- That can't be real.
248
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:51,655
MAN (distant): What the
hell is wrong with people?
249
00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:53,657
Taylor, you changed your hair.
250
00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:55,325
And now I know why
the shower's pink.
251
00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:57,161
It's great you're here,
actually, 'cause we were just
252
00:08:57,162 --> 00:08:58,829
discussing the letter you
slipped under our door.
253
00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:00,581
My letter? What letter?
254
00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:02,249
The one suggesting
that we all attend
255
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,793
the queer rodeo
fundraising party tonight
256
00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:07,087
regardless of our sexualities
257
00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:10,716
because "allyship
starts with action"?
258
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,552
BELA: Yes...
259
00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:15,596
Right. I wrote this.
260
00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:17,264
Of course you did.
It's signed "from Bela"
261
00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:19,224
and you misspelled the
word "environment."
262
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:20,392
Classic Bela.
263
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:22,519
- Classic.
- (laughter)
264
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:25,606
Hey, Taylor, can I talk to
you outside for a second?
265
00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:28,317
- What the hell is going on?
- I figured out how to get with Chloe.
266
00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:30,527
Chloe your roommate? Who
you told me is straight?
267
00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:33,697
She says she's straight. My
gaydar for her is going off
268
00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:35,866
like you at a Men's
Warehouse clearance sale.
269
00:09:35,867 --> 00:09:37,868
BELA: People like my neckties.
270
00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:39,870
I think if I can get Chloe
to a big queer party,
271
00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:42,247
she might feel comfortable
enough coming out to me.
272
00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:43,749
So you lied and
made it sound like
273
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,376
I'm forcing them to attend
274
00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:48,128
and that I can't spell a
simple, three-syllable word.
275
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:49,213
Four, babe.
276
00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:50,881
En-vi-ro...
277
00:09:50,882 --> 00:09:52,049
damn it.
278
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:54,218
(sighs) Fine, I won't
blow up your plan.
279
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:56,345
- Thank you.
- But just know that I will be attending
280
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:58,764
this party as well, not because
of anything that happened here,
281
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:01,558
but because a queer
rodeo sounds really fun.
282
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:03,143
Please don't go to it.
283
00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:05,771
It's too late. It's
already happening.
284
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:08,232
See you there, Taylor.
285
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:10,609
♪ ♪
286
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:11,944
Mmm.
287
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,446
This panini is literally
rocking my world.
288
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,240
You want a bite?
289
00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:18,409
- (phone chimes)
- Who invented the panini?
290
00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:20,911
AUTOMATED VOICE: The exact
origin of the panini is unknown.
291
00:10:20,912 --> 00:10:22,746
Well, ain't that some shit?
292
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:24,081
KACEY: (gasps) Oh, my God.
293
00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:25,582
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- What? What?
294
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:27,042
KACEY: That guy's dropping off
295
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:28,795
the magazines with
the 50 Most List.
296
00:10:31,006 --> 00:10:32,381
- Oh, my God! I'm coming.
- Excuse me.
297
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:34,300
Look out. Tall and
tiny coming through.
298
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:38,053
No. No, no, no. Come on.
299
00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:41,265
A 10% off coupon for Sips?
When did I approve that?
300
00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:42,766
Who are these people?
301
00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:46,979
Uggo, legacy, nepo...
302
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,522
Damn, you judge fast.
303
00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:50,941
47, 48, 49...
304
00:10:50,942 --> 00:10:53,110
(gasps) There's
only one page left.
305
00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:54,653
Oh, fuck.
306
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,488
Well, maybe it's you.
307
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,949
(exhales)
308
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,784
(gasps) Calvin?!
309
00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:03,162
Isn't that the guy
who cheated on you?
310
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,790
Damn, he's got a thicker
neck than I remember.
311
00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:11,211
What? I can hate the guy
and not hate his hot neck.
312
00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:13,380
♪ ♪
313
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:16,091
Wow, Brian, you were
such a good tour guide.
314
00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:18,761
I don't care what those
stupid high school kids said.
315
00:11:18,762 --> 00:11:20,179
Wait, what did they say?
316
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,972
Oh, uh, nothing. They loved it.
317
00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:24,308
And, um, they loved the
length of your khaki pants.
318
00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:25,934
(chuckles softly)
319
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:28,479
Well, you were a lot more
fun than my normal audience.
320
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:31,398
But there's one spot I never
get to include in the tour,
321
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:33,901
and I knew I had to show you.
322
00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:36,779
Oh, my God. What is? The
anticipation is killing me.
323
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,739
BRIAN: Most people don't
find this interesting, but...
324
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,783
this line of stones was
325
00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:43,619
the original property
line of Essex college.
326
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:44,995
Oh, my God.
327
00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:47,373
So are you saying
that if it were 1680,
328
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:49,833
I wouldn't even be standing
on Essex property right now?
329
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:51,460
- That's right.
- (gasps)
330
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,837
You would be standing on
contested Dutch territory.
331
00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:56,507
Brian, I am losing
my shit right now!
332
00:11:56,508 --> 00:11:59,343
It's insane that they make
you take this out of the tour.
333
00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:02,054
- Everyone deserves to know this.
- Right?
334
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:05,140
Some of us like that
it's more of a secret.
335
00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:06,517
KIMBERLY: Whoa,
Professor Friedman.
336
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:07,768
What are you doing here?
337
00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:09,853
Well, I was having a quiet lunch
338
00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:11,523
alone with my thoughts.
339
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,483
Wait, you two aren't on some
weird little date, are you?
340
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:16,151
- Oh, not at all. No.
- Oh, of course not.
341
00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:17,945
I don't like when
my students date.
342
00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:20,531
The last two that did
became rival judges
343
00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:21,990
and a man was executed.
344
00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:23,659
He did bomb a building,
345
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,285
but that trial was messy.
346
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:27,871
Oh. Well, no need to worry.
Uh, we're just friends.
347
00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:30,082
Yeah, less than friends.
Just acquaintances, even.
348
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,168
- Respectfully.
- Respectfully.
349
00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:34,920
- Well, I should go.
- BRIAN: Yeah.
350
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:37,382
Uh, but I'll see you guys
in the symposium. (chuckles)
351
00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:40,676
Oh.
352
00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:41,802
Just, uh...
353
00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:42,845
(shutter clicks)
354
00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:44,347
Now I can go.
355
00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:48,560
♪ ♪
356
00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:51,478
Hey. Can I talk to
you for a second?
357
00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:52,563
Yeah, what's up, Whitney?
358
00:12:52,564 --> 00:12:53,981
Not you, Terry.
359
00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:56,859
Okay. I'll step to
the side, but...
360
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,486
I'll be listening.
361
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:02,072
- What's up?
- Did you get your dad to fund my lab?
362
00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:03,741
I did. When you told
me about your lab
363
00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:05,117
losing funding, I
reached out to him.
364
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,077
He loves funding
science and innovation.
365
00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:08,912
He was an angel
investor in the Snuggie
366
00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:10,873
and, uh, that's what
got us our Paris home.
367
00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:12,291
Wow. Okay.
368
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:14,084
Well, I know you were
trying to be nice,
369
00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:16,253
but I mean, $200,000
is a lot of money.
370
00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:19,382
You gave your
girlfriend $200,000?
371
00:13:20,091 --> 00:13:22,217
What? I said I'd be listening.
372
00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:25,095
What? Did I do something
wrong? You seem mad at me.
373
00:13:25,096 --> 00:13:27,097
Well, I just wish you
would've told me first.
374
00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:28,891
Look, I don't want to feel
like I owe you anything.
375
00:13:28,892 --> 00:13:30,476
The whole thing just
makes me feel weird.
376
00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:31,810
You think you feel weird?
377
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,562
I just found out he
gave you $200,000.
378
00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:35,064
Yet he still owes me
ten bucks for wings.
379
00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:36,607
Make it make sense.
380
00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:38,609
Terry, my Venmo
notifications are turned off.
381
00:13:38,610 --> 00:13:40,611
- Well, consider yourself notified.
- (groaning): Oh, my...
382
00:13:40,612 --> 00:13:43,572
Look, if I want to do something
nice for you, that's on me.
383
00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:45,532
Money is money. You
don't owe me anything.
384
00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:47,034
So it shouldn't matter
where it came from.
385
00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:48,952
Yeah, well, it matters to me.
386
00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:52,039
(scoffs) Same. Same.
387
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:53,999
♪ I don't pay them no mind ♪
388
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,376
♪ If loving you is wrong ♪
389
00:13:55,377 --> 00:13:57,753
♪ I don't want to be right... ♪
390
00:13:57,754 --> 00:14:00,339
- Cheers!
- Great night!
391
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:01,840
♪ Say that we ain't
welcome there ♪
392
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,467
♪ We'll just fly to California ♪
393
00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:05,803
♪ Put some flowers in my hair ♪
394
00:14:05,804 --> 00:14:08,597
♪ They can say what
they want to say... ♪
395
00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:10,724
Guys, I need this party tonight.
396
00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:12,226
I'm so annoyed at Isaiah,
397
00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:14,144
which is why I'm excited
to drink until I forget
398
00:14:14,145 --> 00:14:16,146
- about why I'm annoyed at him.
- Yeah!
399
00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:17,981
Who needs men when
you've got good music,
400
00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:19,692
great vibes and the best gals.
401
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:21,777
And me, Arvind!
402
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,278
Who wants another shot?
403
00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:24,988
It's so fun that
you're here, Arvind.
404
00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,490
We never have guests
at our pregame.
405
00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:27,908
Oh, that's because
we're giving him
406
00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:29,243
the full party experience.
407
00:14:29,244 --> 00:14:31,495
Keg stands, sweaty dancing,
408
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:34,748
and not realizing how drunk you
are until you sit down to pee.
409
00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:36,125
Can I get a yeehaw?
410
00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:38,293
- Yeehaw!
- Yeehaw!
411
00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:42,006
Yippie-ki-yi-yay
who fucking cares.
412
00:14:42,007 --> 00:14:43,924
(turns music off)
413
00:14:43,925 --> 00:14:45,467
Um, girl, are you good?
414
00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:47,344
No. No, I'm hideous.
415
00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:49,263
I'm not one of the
top 50 hottest people
416
00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:50,681
on this campus, and Calvin is.
417
00:14:50,682 --> 00:14:52,016
Which basically means
418
00:14:52,017 --> 00:14:54,184
I'm human dumpster
water, and worse...
419
00:14:54,185 --> 00:14:55,519
I lost my breakup.
420
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:58,230
Kacey, please stop.
You're beautiful.
421
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:00,691
And Calvin being on that list
should confirm how dumb it is.
422
00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:03,193
Yeah, he looks like a thumb
and his mouth is a knuckle.
423
00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:05,154
Yeah, his lips are the
same color as his face.
424
00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:07,406
And worst of all? He's
ugly on the inside.
425
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:10,034
No, no. Continue making
fun of his outside looks.
426
00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:11,660
I'll say it. He's
got date rape vibes.
427
00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:12,661
- Oh, my God.
- What?
428
00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:13,662
- What?
- Too far!
429
00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:14,997
What? He does.
430
00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:16,540
I hate that this man
broke your heart,
431
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:18,709
and you should
know your scars are
432
00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:20,919
- what make you most beautiful.
- Too much, Arvind.
433
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,463
Sorry. I'm still
learning how to pregame.
434
00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:24,048
Kacey, come to
the party with us.
435
00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:25,466
It'll make you feel better.
436
00:15:25,467 --> 00:15:27,176
Oh, I'm going.
437
00:15:27,177 --> 00:15:30,054
I may be ugly, but that
doesn't mean I don't exist.
438
00:15:30,055 --> 00:15:31,388
So, again, you are not...
439
00:15:31,389 --> 00:15:33,223
And if I don't go
out, then they win.
440
00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:36,143
And I refuse to let them win.
441
00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:38,979
Wait for me, I'm gonna
go put my extensions in.
442
00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,481
You don't need to
extend anything.
443
00:15:40,482 --> 00:15:41,899
Everything about you
is the perfect length!
444
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,192
(door slams)
445
00:15:43,193 --> 00:15:44,777
Do not let her put
Taylor Swift on,
446
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:46,403
she will get lost in the
song and never come out.
447
00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:47,613
Go, go, go. (snaps fingers)
448
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:48,822
♪ Girl ♪
449
00:15:48,823 --> 00:15:50,741
♪ You my lil' boo thang ♪
450
00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:52,409
♪ So I don't give a hoot
what your dude say, girl ♪
451
00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:54,411
♪ I know you a lil' too tame ♪
452
00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:56,455
♪ I'll be shooting that
shot like 2K, girl ♪
453
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,957
♪ I know, tell them I'm,
tell them I'm next... ♪
454
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,502
- BELA: Am I off?
- This is impossible.
455
00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:03,253
When do we clap?
456
00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:06,757
♪ Tell them you found a lil'
something fresh, I know... ♪
457
00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:09,009
How are you doing this so well?
458
00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,260
Oh, it's easy. Ready?
459
00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:13,597
It's tap, tap, shuffle, and hop.
460
00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:15,766
I think I got the hop part,
but not the other stuff.
461
00:16:15,767 --> 00:16:18,769
In my town, you had to
take a line dancing class
462
00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:19,770
to graduate high school.
463
00:16:19,771 --> 00:16:21,355
Why don't they just play
464
00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:23,273
one of those songs where
the lyrics are instructions?
465
00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:24,608
Okay, now cowboy up.
466
00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:26,485
Yeah, but what
does that mean? Ow!
467
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,821
I give up. Let's get
out of the stomp zone.
468
00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:30,155
- Absolutely.
- Please.
469
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:31,949
♪ To the back, to the front ♪
470
00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:33,450
♪ You a ten, baby girl... ♪
471
00:16:33,451 --> 00:16:35,285
You guys looked
like shit out there.
472
00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:38,080
Oh, I'm not judging.
I'm also very bad.
473
00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:39,999
I'm Lewis, by the
way, nice to meet you.
474
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,001
- Hey, cool party.
- Oh, you think
475
00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:43,545
just because I'm
gay it's my party?
476
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:45,921
Just kidding! It is. I
planned the whole thing.
477
00:16:45,922 --> 00:16:47,382
(chuckles) She's cute, right?
478
00:16:48,091 --> 00:16:49,174
Yeah, what's the bucket for?
479
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:50,467
Oh, we're collecting donations
480
00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:52,094
for our friend's top surgery.
481
00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:53,887
Boob-voyage, baby.
482
00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:55,305
Hell, yeah. I'll donate to that.
483
00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:56,849
It's an honor to be a part
484
00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:58,642
of someone's gender journey.
485
00:16:58,643 --> 00:17:00,436
Howdy, my hotties! Howdy.
486
00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:02,104
Ooh. Let me put
something in the pot.
487
00:17:02,105 --> 00:17:04,314
Oh, I know you have
more money than that.
488
00:17:04,315 --> 00:17:07,651
Let me know if you need any
help searching those pockets.
489
00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:09,486
Oh, Canaan, this is Lewis.
490
00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:12,072
He's the one that got fired
from Sips before you got hired.
491
00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:14,158
Lila and I were a
disaster together.
492
00:17:14,159 --> 00:17:17,327
Oh, I've missed you,
you little slut.
493
00:17:17,328 --> 00:17:19,329
Lila, where's your
Instacart hottie?
494
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:21,749
Oh, sadly, Gabe and
I have drifted apart.
495
00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:23,834
But someday, on a
dark and lonely night
496
00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:26,378
when I realize I need
some household products,
497
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:28,297
perhaps we shall reunite.
498
00:17:28,298 --> 00:17:32,051
Until then, who is
down to hoedown?
499
00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:33,344
I am.
500
00:17:33,345 --> 00:17:35,346
Oh, yes, my long-backed angel.
501
00:17:35,347 --> 00:17:38,098
Let's get that flat ass on
the dance floor, shall we?
502
00:17:38,099 --> 00:17:39,183
- ARVIN: Oh, yeah.
- Nothing long-backed.
503
00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:40,852
(laughs) Come on!
504
00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:44,813
♪ Whoa-oh, whoa ♪
505
00:17:44,814 --> 00:17:48,233
♪ You're lovely cold
and I swear... ♪
506
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:51,528
Damn, Lila, those are some
impressive dance moves.
507
00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:53,030
Oh, these aren't dance moves,
508
00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:54,865
they are select body movements
509
00:17:54,866 --> 00:17:58,370
meant to catch the eye of the
hot-ass cowboy over there.
510
00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:00,705
And... it...
511
00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:03,624
worked. Bye, bitches.
512
00:18:03,625 --> 00:18:05,834
This is so much more fun
513
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:07,544
than Catan night with the boys.
514
00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:09,922
Bela, thank you so
much for bringing me.
515
00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:11,507
Aw, look at us.
516
00:18:11,508 --> 00:18:13,467
No first-years to take care of.
517
00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:16,679
Is a student triggered by an
incident with their roommate?
518
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:18,639
Bela doesn't care.
She's off tonight.
519
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:20,724
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh,
is a student homesick?
520
00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:22,101
Arvind doesn't care.
521
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:23,727
Well, he does care,
he loves people
522
00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:25,104
and he really wants
them to be happy,
523
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:26,605
but he's off tonight.
524
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:27,898
(laughs)
525
00:18:27,899 --> 00:18:30,318
I'm gonna go get us
another drink. M'lady.
526
00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:33,070
Seems like Arvind's having fun.
527
00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:36,824
Yeah. I feel like I'm getting
to know a whole new side of him.
528
00:18:36,825 --> 00:18:38,660
Look at him swirl in that ice.
529
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:42,037
And he's, like, totally
been all over me.
530
00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:45,332
I think tonight might be the
night we finally have sex.
531
00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,334
(chuckles) I doubt it, babe.
532
00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:49,337
That boy is drunk.
533
00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:54,091
I think I overestimated
his tolerance.
534
00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:55,676
(whoops)
535
00:18:55,677 --> 00:18:58,095
I got to sober him up.
Does anyone have any rice?
536
00:18:58,096 --> 00:19:02,224
Or, uh, pieces of bread like
you might feed to a duck?
537
00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:03,726
("Good Time" by
Jodie Harsh playing)
538
00:19:03,727 --> 00:19:05,936
♪ I'm here for a good time ♪
539
00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:07,271
♪ Not a long time... ♪
540
00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:08,856
TAYLOR: Chloe!
541
00:19:08,857 --> 00:19:09,982
You made it.
542
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:11,066
Of course.
543
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:12,276
Anything for a good cause.
544
00:19:12,277 --> 00:19:13,944
And isn't it so great
545
00:19:13,945 --> 00:19:16,780
we can be in a place where
we can truly be ourselves?
546
00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:18,115
In the dining hall?
547
00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:19,491
Yeah.
548
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:20,492
Sure.
549
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:22,369
I love your outfit, by the way.
550
00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:24,413
Thank you. It's my
take on Western wear,
551
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:26,457
based on one ten-second
Google search.
552
00:19:26,458 --> 00:19:28,959
It's hot. I'm
gonna get a drink.
553
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,294
Okay.
554
00:19:30,295 --> 00:19:32,129
You're gay for straight.
555
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:33,464
Excuse me?
556
00:19:33,465 --> 00:19:34,965
You're gaming on
a straight girl.
557
00:19:34,966 --> 00:19:36,133
I've meticulously
558
00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:37,760
catalogued all the gay women
559
00:19:37,761 --> 00:19:40,721
on this campus and that
girl is not in my binder.
560
00:19:40,722 --> 00:19:42,849
- Who is she?
- My roommate.
561
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,309
And what makes you so
sure she's straight?
562
00:19:45,310 --> 00:19:48,562
Her nails. Girl's got
a stiletto manicure.
563
00:19:48,563 --> 00:19:51,565
These are the hands of
a hardworking lesbian.
564
00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:53,484
Okay. But when we're alone,
565
00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:55,277
she's always
playing with my hair
566
00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:57,571
- and touching my leg and I just...
- And that means nothing.
567
00:19:57,572 --> 00:20:00,240
A straight girl will
flirt with you one minute,
568
00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:01,658
and make out with your brother
569
00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:03,535
at his laser tag
birthday party the next.
570
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:04,912
Worst day of my life.
571
00:20:04,913 --> 00:20:06,747
I'm pretty sure that
won't happen to me.
572
00:20:06,748 --> 00:20:08,708
And I know I'm
right about Chloe.
573
00:20:11,586 --> 00:20:14,296
You're gonna regret not
listening to your queer elders.
574
00:20:14,297 --> 00:20:16,006
You're two years older than me.
575
00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:19,843
♪ I got a taste for
individuality... ♪
576
00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:22,346
- I have to come clean about something.
- Mm-hmm.
577
00:20:22,347 --> 00:20:24,181
I don't know what
cold foam means
578
00:20:24,182 --> 00:20:26,225
and whenever someone orders it,
I just give them whipped cream.
579
00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:27,685
Kimberly, no Sips talk.
580
00:20:27,686 --> 00:20:30,187
- Respect my work-life balance.
- Okay.
581
00:20:30,188 --> 00:20:31,313
Brian!
582
00:20:31,314 --> 00:20:32,940
Oh. Kimberly, h-hi.
583
00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:34,191
Lila, this is Brian.
584
00:20:34,192 --> 00:20:35,693
He's the guy from my symposium
585
00:20:35,694 --> 00:20:37,111
who I spent the whole day with.
586
00:20:37,112 --> 00:20:38,529
Oh, yes! The Essex tour.
587
00:20:38,530 --> 00:20:39,947
What a cool and normal way
588
00:20:39,948 --> 00:20:41,490
for people our age to
spend an afternoon.
589
00:20:41,491 --> 00:20:43,742
Oh. Um... I meant to tell you.
590
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,369
The book on gerrymandering that
Professor Friedman mentioned
591
00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:47,287
is back in circulation tomorrow.
592
00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:48,706
Yeah, I got the
notification, too.
593
00:20:48,707 --> 00:20:50,791
Oh! Okay, well, I
guess it's gonna be
594
00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:52,836
a race to the library,
and we'll see who wins.
595
00:20:53,545 --> 00:20:55,004
Well, this was weird to watch.
596
00:20:55,005 --> 00:20:57,381
Like two prime numbers
having a meet-cute.
597
00:20:57,382 --> 00:20:59,216
See you later,
Kimberly and Himberly.
598
00:20:59,217 --> 00:21:00,384
KIMBERLY: Himberly?
599
00:21:00,385 --> 00:21:02,386
Wait, is she making fun of us
600
00:21:02,387 --> 00:21:04,430
because we have a lot
in common or something?
601
00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:06,390
BOTH: That's silly.
602
00:21:06,391 --> 00:21:09,309
♪ Come on, make
me feel alive... ♪
603
00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:11,395
♪ You still linger in my bed ♪
604
00:21:11,396 --> 00:21:14,189
♪ Your whispers in my head... ♪
605
00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:17,317
You're really holding your
own on the dance floor.
606
00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:19,653
Yeah, well, thanks
to a mother-son dance
607
00:21:19,654 --> 00:21:21,905
I didn't want to do at
my parents' vow renewal,
608
00:21:21,906 --> 00:21:23,741
I can do this.
609
00:21:23,742 --> 00:21:25,493
Whoa. (gasps)
610
00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:28,579
♪ I want to know... ♪
611
00:21:28,580 --> 00:21:30,330
You dipped and kissed your mom?
612
00:21:30,331 --> 00:21:32,249
What? No, not the kiss part.
613
00:21:32,250 --> 00:21:33,667
Okay, good.
614
00:21:33,668 --> 00:21:36,211
God, you look so damn
beautiful tonight.
615
00:21:36,212 --> 00:21:38,130
Aww.
616
00:21:38,131 --> 00:21:40,632
♪ Tell me, how the hell
did we end up here? ♪
617
00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:43,260
Not beautiful enough
to be on that list.
618
00:21:43,261 --> 00:21:45,929
Hey, will you let that go?
619
00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:47,431
When I tell you
you're beautiful,
620
00:21:47,432 --> 00:21:48,807
I want you to believe it.
621
00:21:48,808 --> 00:21:50,768
I don't want you to
put yourself down.
622
00:21:50,769 --> 00:21:53,103
Hey. That list doesn't matter.
623
00:21:53,104 --> 00:21:54,646
You wouldn't understand.
624
00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:57,274
You're a boy who probably
got praised for being tall
625
00:21:57,275 --> 00:21:59,485
and athletic and-and smart.
626
00:21:59,486 --> 00:22:00,611
But you know what
made my parents smile?
627
00:22:00,612 --> 00:22:02,029
When people at the grocery store
628
00:22:02,030 --> 00:22:03,864
would stop to tell
them how pretty I was.
629
00:22:03,865 --> 00:22:06,950
Because girls don't get
the same treatment as boys.
630
00:22:06,951 --> 00:22:09,578
The world tells us, very
loud and very clear,
631
00:22:09,579 --> 00:22:11,663
that our looks do
matter, and, yeah, maybe
632
00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:13,499
I don't want that to
be the case, because
633
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:15,376
the amount of effort that
I have to put into it
634
00:22:15,377 --> 00:22:17,127
is absolutely exhausting,
635
00:22:17,128 --> 00:22:18,629
Okay. I'm sorry.
636
00:22:18,630 --> 00:22:19,963
♪ In my head ♪
637
00:22:19,964 --> 00:22:21,799
♪ And it makes me want to go ♪
638
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:23,634
♪ Back to sleep... ♪
639
00:22:23,635 --> 00:22:26,178
- Can we just go?
- Yeah.
640
00:22:26,179 --> 00:22:27,805
♪ Still belong to you... ♪
641
00:22:27,806 --> 00:22:29,348
(cheering)
642
00:22:29,349 --> 00:22:30,849
♪ Dive into my dreams ♪
643
00:22:30,850 --> 00:22:32,476
♪ Back to my dreams... ♪
644
00:22:32,477 --> 00:22:35,646
Boys, girls, gays
and theys, listen up.
645
00:22:35,647 --> 00:22:38,357
Thank you all so much
for coming out tonight
646
00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:39,983
to support queer
students at Essex
647
00:22:39,984 --> 00:22:42,027
and the issues that
are important to them.
648
00:22:42,028 --> 00:22:44,655
- (cheering)
- TOVA: Thanks to your donations,
649
00:22:44,656 --> 00:22:47,491
we've been able to
gather enough money
650
00:22:47,492 --> 00:22:51,161
to help our president
Sam get top surgery.
651
00:22:51,162 --> 00:22:53,497
(cheering)
652
00:22:53,498 --> 00:22:54,665
All right, enough talking.
653
00:22:54,666 --> 00:22:57,251
How about a little live music?
654
00:22:57,252 --> 00:23:00,005
(cheering)
655
00:23:02,674 --> 00:23:05,009
♪ Oh ♪
656
00:23:05,010 --> 00:23:07,553
♪ All I want is
somebody who wants me ♪
657
00:23:07,554 --> 00:23:10,347
♪ Come on and take me home ♪
658
00:23:10,348 --> 00:23:12,683
♪ Oh ♪
659
00:23:12,684 --> 00:23:15,644
♪ If you want me, then
show me you love me ♪
660
00:23:15,645 --> 00:23:18,022
♪ Come on and take me home ♪
661
00:23:18,023 --> 00:23:21,109
♪ Tell me you love me,
just tell me you love me ♪
662
00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:23,694
♪ Tell me you love me ♪
663
00:23:23,695 --> 00:23:25,821
♪ Come on and take me home ♪
664
00:23:25,822 --> 00:23:27,489
♪ Tell me you love me ♪
665
00:23:27,490 --> 00:23:29,366
♪ Just tell me you love me ♪
666
00:23:29,367 --> 00:23:32,036
♪ Tell me you love me... ♪
667
00:23:32,037 --> 00:23:33,370
Mmm.
668
00:23:33,371 --> 00:23:34,872
This is good. What
do you call this?
669
00:23:34,873 --> 00:23:36,874
- It's ice water. Finish it.
- Oh.
670
00:23:36,875 --> 00:23:39,209
This is sick. I love this stuff.
671
00:23:39,210 --> 00:23:43,589
I'm so inspired by all the
queer bravery on display today.
672
00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:47,134
Hey, love is love
and I love you all!
673
00:23:47,135 --> 00:23:50,512
Maybe we should go outside
and get you some fresh air.
674
00:23:50,513 --> 00:23:52,097
What? No, it's a party.
675
00:23:52,098 --> 00:23:54,850
I'm an ally. As a matter of
fact, I think I should make
676
00:23:54,851 --> 00:23:56,894
- a speech for everyone.
- No, Arvind, I don't think...
677
00:23:56,895 --> 00:23:58,687
- I should give, like, a little speech.
- that's a good idea.
678
00:23:58,688 --> 00:24:00,439
Well, we'll let them
be the judge of that...
679
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:01,816
- (thumps)
- (shouts)
680
00:24:03,777 --> 00:24:04,735
(grunts)
681
00:24:04,736 --> 00:24:06,487
You saved me from my fall.
682
00:24:06,488 --> 00:24:08,364
I didn't. At all.
683
00:24:08,365 --> 00:24:12,201
Hey, Bela, I was thinking we
should go back to your place
684
00:24:12,202 --> 00:24:14,244
and sex.
685
00:24:14,245 --> 00:24:16,205
I do want that,
686
00:24:16,206 --> 00:24:19,083
but I think we should wait until
you're a little more present.
687
00:24:19,084 --> 00:24:22,795
Oh, I'm all present.
Unwrap me, Santa.
688
00:24:22,796 --> 00:24:24,463
- (laughs) Okay.
- Okay.
689
00:24:24,464 --> 00:24:26,757
- We're getting up? Okay.
- Yes, we are. Okay.
690
00:24:26,758 --> 00:24:30,052
Maybe instead of sex we get
you some Gatorade and nachos?
691
00:24:30,053 --> 00:24:32,638
- Okay, that sounds good, too.
- It does sound good, doesn't it?
692
00:24:32,639 --> 00:24:34,723
♪ Tell me you love me ♪
693
00:24:34,724 --> 00:24:37,101
♪ Just tell me you love me ♪
694
00:24:37,102 --> 00:24:39,729
♪ Tell me you love me... ♪
695
00:24:42,065 --> 00:24:43,607
CANAAN: Looking at
your phone at a party
696
00:24:43,608 --> 00:24:44,942
because you're stressed,
697
00:24:44,943 --> 00:24:46,193
or you're just
trying to act cool?
698
00:24:46,194 --> 00:24:48,070
No, it's not that. Um...
699
00:24:48,071 --> 00:24:50,572
Isaiah and I got into
a fight before this.
700
00:24:50,573 --> 00:24:52,282
- What happened?
- He got his rich dad
701
00:24:52,283 --> 00:24:54,201
to fund my research project.
702
00:24:54,202 --> 00:24:55,703
And I know I should be happy,
703
00:24:55,704 --> 00:24:57,204
because it lets me
keep going and I've put
704
00:24:57,205 --> 00:24:58,997
so much work into this,
but... I don't know,
705
00:24:58,998 --> 00:25:00,874
I just hate feeling
like I owe him.
706
00:25:00,875 --> 00:25:03,627
I get you. I've felt
that same thing.
707
00:25:03,628 --> 00:25:05,796
Sometimes I'm at these
scholarship dinners,
708
00:25:05,797 --> 00:25:08,298
and I feel like I'm supposed
to be smiling and groveling
709
00:25:08,299 --> 00:25:11,802
- and laughing at their weird jokes about tax evasion.
- (laughs)
710
00:25:11,803 --> 00:25:13,929
But I didn't make
them donate anything.
711
00:25:13,930 --> 00:25:16,056
You know, what they do with
their money is on them, not me.
712
00:25:16,057 --> 00:25:18,934
That's sort of exactly
what Isaiah said,
713
00:25:18,935 --> 00:25:22,021
but it makes more
sense coming from you?
714
00:25:22,022 --> 00:25:23,940
Most things do.
715
00:25:25,483 --> 00:25:26,859
Um, my homie just pulled up.
716
00:25:26,860 --> 00:25:29,778
But congratulations
on your funding.
717
00:25:29,779 --> 00:25:32,906
- Thank you.
- You take that money and you...
718
00:25:32,907 --> 00:25:34,783
build a rocket, I don't
know, I-I don't...
719
00:25:34,784 --> 00:25:36,869
- Wow. Okay.
- Understand what you do.
720
00:25:36,870 --> 00:25:38,663
(laughs)
721
00:25:40,749 --> 00:25:43,542
♪ Go ahead, you
can give it to me ♪
722
00:25:43,543 --> 00:25:45,669
♪ I won't ask for much ♪
723
00:25:45,670 --> 00:25:47,338
♪ Just all your love ♪
724
00:25:47,339 --> 00:25:48,797
♪ Go ahead ♪
725
00:25:48,798 --> 00:25:50,674
♪ You can give it to me ♪
726
00:25:50,675 --> 00:25:52,843
♪ Hung up on your touch ♪
727
00:25:52,844 --> 00:25:54,762
♪ If I'm the one you want ♪
728
00:25:54,763 --> 00:25:56,930
♪ Go ahead ♪
729
00:25:56,931 --> 00:26:00,351
♪ You can give it to me, oh ♪
730
00:26:00,352 --> 00:26:04,146
♪ All I want is
somebody who wants me ♪
731
00:26:04,147 --> 00:26:06,565
♪ Come on and take me home ♪
732
00:26:06,566 --> 00:26:09,026
♪ Oh ♪
733
00:26:09,027 --> 00:26:11,153
♪ If you want me,
then show me... ♪
734
00:26:11,154 --> 00:26:12,863
I'm-I'm sorry.
735
00:26:12,864 --> 00:26:15,157
- Oh. No.
- I'm not...
736
00:26:15,158 --> 00:26:16,992
- No, it's-it's, uh...
- Uh...
737
00:26:16,993 --> 00:26:19,661
I'm-I'm so sorry if I gave
you the wrong impression.
738
00:26:19,662 --> 00:26:21,872
(exhales) Uh...
739
00:26:21,873 --> 00:26:24,458
I-I hope this doesn't
make things awkward
740
00:26:24,459 --> 00:26:26,335
between us as roommates.
741
00:26:26,336 --> 00:26:27,711
Totally, i-it...
742
00:26:27,712 --> 00:26:29,880
Of course. (laughs softly)
743
00:26:29,881 --> 00:26:32,716
Would you excuse me?
744
00:26:32,717 --> 00:26:35,970
(cheering)
745
00:26:37,514 --> 00:26:38,639
Ooh, you okay?
746
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:40,891
I just need a moment.
747
00:26:40,892 --> 00:26:43,560
(panting)
748
00:26:43,561 --> 00:26:45,312
MAN: Happy Pride, losers!
749
00:26:45,313 --> 00:26:46,689
- Gay!
- Gay!
750
00:26:46,690 --> 00:26:48,732
Hell week!
751
00:26:48,733 --> 00:26:51,068
- Fucking assholes! What...
- Hey!
752
00:26:51,069 --> 00:26:54,154
- ASH: Hey, fuck you!
- MAN: Let's go. Go, go!
753
00:26:54,155 --> 00:26:55,614
Suck my gay dick!
754
00:26:55,615 --> 00:26:57,908
TAYLOR: Did you
just throw a muffin?
755
00:26:57,909 --> 00:27:00,452
I did. It was all I had.
756
00:27:00,453 --> 00:27:02,538
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
757
00:27:02,539 --> 00:27:04,373
Thanks.
758
00:27:04,374 --> 00:27:06,583
Why do you look so familiar?
759
00:27:06,584 --> 00:27:08,794
We met at-at speed dating.
760
00:27:08,795 --> 00:27:10,671
Yeah, you gave me your number
761
00:27:10,672 --> 00:27:13,215
and-and then you
never texted me back.
762
00:27:13,216 --> 00:27:14,758
Right.
763
00:27:14,759 --> 00:27:17,469
And you've totally forgiven me.
764
00:27:17,470 --> 00:27:18,679
That's so big of you.
765
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:19,847
Well, it helps to be hot.
766
00:27:19,848 --> 00:27:22,182
(laughs) Yeah. That is true.
767
00:27:22,183 --> 00:27:24,436
I've never forgiven
an ugly person.
768
00:27:25,395 --> 00:27:26,520
Could I walk you home?
769
00:27:26,521 --> 00:27:29,481
I would like that, actually.
770
00:27:29,482 --> 00:27:31,483
And sorry for not
texting you back.
771
00:27:31,484 --> 00:27:34,903
I... got distracted by something
that was not worth my time.
772
00:27:34,904 --> 00:27:37,782
Well, uh, let's hope that I am.
773
00:27:38,908 --> 00:27:40,117
Let's actually
get going, though,
774
00:27:40,118 --> 00:27:41,910
because I worry,
with the egg on you,
775
00:27:41,911 --> 00:27:43,704
that the raccoons
are gonna find us.
776
00:27:43,705 --> 00:27:45,789
Well, you'll protect me, no?
777
00:27:45,790 --> 00:27:48,250
(Ash laughs)
778
00:27:48,251 --> 00:27:51,004
♪ ♪
779
00:27:53,798 --> 00:27:55,966
(gasps) Cooper, I don't
have any makeup on.
780
00:27:55,967 --> 00:27:58,969
I told you, no unannounced
visits or pre-bed FaceTimes.
781
00:27:58,970 --> 00:28:00,763
You look cute, all right?
782
00:28:00,764 --> 00:28:02,264
I like your crazy morning hair.
783
00:28:02,265 --> 00:28:04,224
- (door closes)
- Oh. What are you doing here?
784
00:28:04,225 --> 00:28:06,226
I just came by to tell
you that a student
785
00:28:06,227 --> 00:28:08,937
got removed from
Essex's 50 Most List
786
00:28:08,938 --> 00:28:10,814
over some questionable
tweets about
787
00:28:10,815 --> 00:28:12,941
that were deeply misogynistic.
788
00:28:12,942 --> 00:28:16,028
Tweets that somebody
stayed up all night finding
789
00:28:16,029 --> 00:28:18,822
and sending to their friend
that works on the magazine.
790
00:28:18,823 --> 00:28:21,283
- You didn't.
- I did.
791
00:28:21,284 --> 00:28:24,036
I did, and I got to
recommend a replacement.
792
00:28:24,037 --> 00:28:27,206
Kacey Lynne Baker, in my
mind, you always were,
793
00:28:27,207 --> 00:28:30,292
but you are now
officially one of Essex's
794
00:28:30,293 --> 00:28:32,378
50 Hottest Students.
795
00:28:32,379 --> 00:28:33,962
- (screams)
- (laughs)
796
00:28:33,963 --> 00:28:35,464
Yeah, oh, and they
want a picture,
797
00:28:35,465 --> 00:28:37,174
- like, now, so...
- Oh... No!
798
00:28:37,175 --> 00:28:39,009
- I'm not camera-ready.
- (chuckles)
799
00:28:39,010 --> 00:28:43,097
- I'm joking, okay? Go get ready.
- (laughs)
800
00:28:43,098 --> 00:28:44,765
Oh, wait.
801
00:28:44,766 --> 00:28:46,725
- Thank you. (squeals)
- Oh. Yeah.
802
00:28:46,726 --> 00:28:49,812
(laughs) Yes! Ha!
803
00:28:49,813 --> 00:28:51,522
(door slams)
804
00:28:51,523 --> 00:28:53,982
♪ I wonder how it feels ♪
805
00:28:53,983 --> 00:28:56,276
♪ To really sleep at night ♪
806
00:28:56,277 --> 00:29:00,031
♪ Instead I ask him
all these questions ♪
807
00:29:02,701 --> 00:29:05,202
♪ If I could look
you in the eyes ♪
808
00:29:05,203 --> 00:29:06,829
♪ Would I even say... ♪
809
00:29:06,830 --> 00:29:09,415
- You doing all right?
- Yeah.
810
00:29:09,416 --> 00:29:10,791
I regret nothing.
811
00:29:10,792 --> 00:29:13,378
Thanks for an amazing night.
812
00:29:14,462 --> 00:29:17,757
♪ In my mind ♪
813
00:29:18,508 --> 00:29:22,094
♪ You are the one that I see ♪
814
00:29:22,095 --> 00:29:23,721
♪ Can't shake these... ♪
815
00:29:23,722 --> 00:29:25,764
COOPER: Find a pic you like?
816
00:29:25,765 --> 00:29:27,474
Yep. (laughs softly)
817
00:29:27,475 --> 00:29:29,977
♪ On repeat ♪
818
00:29:29,978 --> 00:29:33,564
♪ I already lost you once ♪
819
00:29:33,565 --> 00:29:36,233
♪ Can't lose you now ♪
820
00:29:36,234 --> 00:29:39,153
♪ I wonder what it's like ♪
821
00:29:39,154 --> 00:29:42,114
♪ To really lose your mind ♪
822
00:29:42,115 --> 00:29:46,036
♪ Instead of feeling
all this pressure ♪
823
00:29:47,412 --> 00:29:50,205
♪ Am I the only one ♪
824
00:29:50,206 --> 00:29:53,542
♪ Still putting up a fight ♪
825
00:29:53,543 --> 00:29:57,047
♪ Trying to put
us back together ♪
826
00:29:57,797 --> 00:30:00,007
♪ You are the one ♪
827
00:30:00,008 --> 00:30:01,800
♪ That I see ♪
828
00:30:01,801 --> 00:30:06,930
♪ Can't shake these
permanent memories ♪
829
00:30:06,931 --> 00:30:09,725
- ♪ On repeat... ♪
- (knocks on door)
830
00:30:09,726 --> 00:30:13,062
♪ I already lost you once ♪
831
00:30:13,063 --> 00:30:15,356
♪ Can't lose you now ♪
832
00:30:15,357 --> 00:30:18,442
♪ You are the one that I need ♪
833
00:30:18,443 --> 00:30:23,155
♪ They say that
nobody's perfect ♪
834
00:30:23,156 --> 00:30:26,450
♪ But we fit perfectly ♪
835
00:30:26,451 --> 00:30:29,913
♪ I already lost you once ♪
836
00:30:32,123 --> 00:30:35,292
♪ I already lost you once ♪
837
00:30:35,293 --> 00:30:38,254
♪ Can't lose you now ♪
838
00:30:40,173 --> 00:30:43,842
♪ You are the one that I see ♪
839
00:30:43,843 --> 00:30:49,139
♪ Can't shake these
permanent memories ♪
840
00:30:49,140 --> 00:30:51,183
♪ On repeat ♪
841
00:30:51,184 --> 00:30:55,020
♪ I already lost you once ♪
842
00:30:55,021 --> 00:30:57,607
♪ I can't lose you now ♪
843
00:31:00,819 --> 00:31:03,863
♪ I can't lose you now ♪
844
00:31:05,448 --> 00:31:10,036
♪ You are the one that I need ♪
845
00:31:13,581 --> 00:31:18,086
♪ You are the one that I need ♪
846
00:31:19,170 --> 00:31:22,756
♪ You are the one that I see ♪
847
00:31:22,757 --> 00:31:28,757
♪ Can't shake these
permanent memories ♪
848
00:31:28,763 --> 00:31:30,973
♪ On repeat ♪
849
00:31:30,974 --> 00:31:34,435
♪ I already lost you once ♪
850
00:31:34,436 --> 00:31:37,688
♪ Can't lose you now. ♪
851
00:31:37,689 --> 00:31:43,689
MAN: Go to bed.
60533
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