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1
00:00:01,672 --> 00:00:03,554
Well, this is an all-time low.
2
00:00:03,555 --> 00:00:07,024
I can't believe we lost to
a public radio cooking show.
3
00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:09,379
Hey, don't look at me.
4
00:00:09,380 --> 00:00:10,669
What are you talking about?
5
00:00:10,670 --> 00:00:11,699
You struck out four times
6
00:00:11,700 --> 00:00:13,499
and didn't catch a single ball.
7
00:00:13,500 --> 00:00:15,600
That's why I don't
want you looking at me.
8
00:00:16,910 --> 00:00:19,119
Murph, I'm most disappointed in you.
9
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:20,909
Why me? I-I got five home runs
10
00:00:20,910 --> 00:00:23,079
and that cute shortstop's phone number.
11
00:00:23,080 --> 00:00:26,409
I know. Didn't you hear me call dibs?
12
00:00:26,410 --> 00:00:28,800
Oh, I thought you said "ribs."
13
00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:31,079
Ooh, we should get ribs.
14
00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:32,329
Oh, you know what, I can't.
15
00:00:32,330 --> 00:00:33,950
I got a date with that cute shortstop.
16
00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:37,220
Great news.
17
00:00:38,660 --> 00:00:40,659
Mrs. Johnson-Peña has abdicated
18
00:00:40,660 --> 00:00:42,539
her position in the BTA.
19
00:00:42,540 --> 00:00:43,869
Who's Mrs. Johnson-Peña?
20
00:00:43,870 --> 00:00:45,619
The elderly woman who lives on nine.
21
00:00:45,620 --> 00:00:46,999
Right. And what's the BTA?
22
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,329
The Building Tenants Association.
23
00:00:48,330 --> 00:00:49,449
Understood. And...?
24
00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:51,869
Abdicate means to resign.
25
00:00:51,870 --> 00:00:54,869
Mrs. Johnson-Peña's
departure leaves a vacancy,
26
00:00:54,870 --> 00:00:56,869
a vacancy that I plan to fill
27
00:00:56,870 --> 00:00:59,119
after I win the election and become...
28
00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:01,789
dramatic pause...
29
00:01:01,790 --> 00:01:04,409
the new president of the BTA!
30
00:01:04,410 --> 00:01:05,409
Do you get paid?
31
00:01:05,410 --> 00:01:07,199
Only in the satisfaction
32
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,739
of helping others in the
joy of seeing my portrait
33
00:01:09,740 --> 00:01:12,449
hanging on the Wall of Presidents.
34
00:01:12,450 --> 00:01:13,760
So no.
35
00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:16,739
Although the position does come
36
00:01:16,740 --> 00:01:17,999
with a free parking space
37
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:19,999
big enough to hold
my recumbent bicycle.
38
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,999
But not enough for two of them,
39
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:23,999
so I guess you shouldn't buy me one.
40
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,760
Ugh, bummersville.
41
00:01:27,950 --> 00:01:29,449
I can't believe this is happening.
42
00:01:29,450 --> 00:01:31,449
I could actually be the next president
43
00:01:31,450 --> 00:01:33,239
of the Royal Arms.
44
00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:35,039
Won't you all help me
commemorate this moment
45
00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:36,909
by singing our building's anthem?
46
00:01:36,910 --> 00:01:38,119
Our building has an anthem?
47
00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:39,369
♪ Building ♪
48
00:01:39,370 --> 00:01:40,659
♪ Strong and full of charms ♪
49
00:01:40,660 --> 00:01:42,999
♪ We salute thee, Royal Ar... ♪
50
00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:44,789
You know, what am I doing?
This is crazy.
51
00:01:44,790 --> 00:01:46,800
I should be accompanying
myself on the cello.
52
00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:50,520
We've got five seconds.
53
00:01:50,521 --> 00:01:51,999
Go, go, go!
54
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,829
Where was this hustle on the field?
55
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We were never this motivated.
56
00:01:56,716 --> 00:01:59,190
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
57
00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:01,449
Yes, Mrs. Blaustein,
just calling to make sure
58
00:02:01,450 --> 00:02:02,949
I've got your support for the BTA.
59
00:02:02,950 --> 00:02:05,640
Yes, that thing that Frannie did.
60
00:02:07,370 --> 00:02:08,909
Yes, splendid.
61
00:02:08,910 --> 00:02:10,159
I won't let you down.
62
00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:12,039
I've got Mrs. Blaustein.
63
00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:15,119
Mmm.
64
00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:17,119
That means you got Mr. Blaustein too.
65
00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:19,789
She rides that man like a show pony.
66
00:02:19,790 --> 00:02:21,869
Excellent.
67
00:02:21,870 --> 00:02:23,579
Emily, how is it coming
with the slogans?
68
00:02:23,580 --> 00:02:25,619
Okay, I have narrowed it down to...
69
00:02:25,620 --> 00:02:28,579
"Peace, Love and Unger-standing."
70
00:02:28,580 --> 00:02:30,219
Word play, love it.
71
00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:32,539
"Felix Se puede."
72
00:02:32,540 --> 00:02:35,329
For the Ecuadorian family in 6-F.
73
00:02:35,330 --> 00:02:36,345
Me gusta.
74
00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:41,909
And "Surr-Unger to Unger."
75
00:02:41,910 --> 00:02:44,289
I feel like it's slipping
away from us. Keep at it.
76
00:02:44,290 --> 00:02:47,390
Bad news, Felix, someone
defaced your lobby cutout.
77
00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:52,300
They drew a graffito on my face.
78
00:02:53,790 --> 00:02:55,789
That is the singular for graffiti.
79
00:02:55,790 --> 00:02:57,890
And that's why I did it.
80
00:02:59,790 --> 00:03:01,159
Oscar!
81
00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:02,423
Felix, why are you campaigning?
82
00:03:02,424 --> 00:03:04,079
You're running unopposed.
83
00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:06,463
Because I need the unwavering
support of the entire building
84
00:03:06,464 --> 00:03:07,739
if I'm going to enact my plans.
85
00:03:07,740 --> 00:03:10,239
Oh, Felix, tell him about
your idea for the laundry room.
86
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:12,239
Oh, yes. I would like to designate
87
00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:14,140
separate machines
for whites and colors.
88
00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:22,390
Now, Dani tells me that I need
to present this idea carefully.
89
00:03:25,290 --> 00:03:28,180
I think what I said was, "What
the hell is wrong with you?!"
90
00:03:29,540 --> 00:03:31,329
I also want to start
a weekly coffee social
91
00:03:31,330 --> 00:03:33,949
so that we can build up a
stronger sense of community.
92
00:03:33,950 --> 00:03:35,739
I don't know anyone in the building,
93
00:03:35,740 --> 00:03:38,539
but I know they would hate that.
94
00:03:38,540 --> 00:03:39,789
Right now, the only contact I have
95
00:03:39,790 --> 00:03:41,510
with some people in the
building is smelling
96
00:03:41,511 --> 00:03:43,014
their cigarette smoke on the balcony.
97
00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:44,239
A disgusting habit.
98
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:45,878
Which will be the first thing I outlaw.
99
00:03:45,879 --> 00:03:46,542
Wait.
100
00:03:46,543 --> 00:03:48,369
I smoke my cigars on the balcony.
101
00:03:48,370 --> 00:03:50,159
That's right.
102
00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:51,949
I couldn't get you to stop as roommate,
103
00:03:51,950 --> 00:03:54,949
but as president, I'll have the power.
104
00:03:54,950 --> 00:03:57,949
Felix, people don't want
to hear from the board.
105
00:03:57,950 --> 00:03:59,699
They just want to be left alone.
106
00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:01,639
That's what I would do
if I were president.
107
00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:06,499
What?
108
00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:07,659
I'm just having a hard time
109
00:04:07,660 --> 00:04:09,079
picturing you as president.
110
00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:10,579
You don't think I could get elected,
111
00:04:10,580 --> 00:04:12,123
or you don't think I could do the job?
112
00:04:12,124 --> 00:04:13,659
Yes.
113
00:04:13,660 --> 00:04:15,369
People would vote for me.
114
00:04:15,370 --> 00:04:16,369
Dani?
115
00:04:16,370 --> 00:04:17,499
I don't live here.
116
00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:18,739
You earn your paycheck here.
117
00:04:18,740 --> 00:04:19,800
Oscar for president.
118
00:04:21,290 --> 00:04:22,869
Emily, what do you think?
119
00:04:22,870 --> 00:04:24,869
Well, let's just say that I have a...
120
00:04:24,870 --> 00:04:26,739
"Hunger for Unger."
121
00:04:26,740 --> 00:04:29,289
Okay, you did good. Thanks.
122
00:04:29,290 --> 00:04:30,930
You know what,
the people in this building
123
00:04:30,931 --> 00:04:32,474
would be lucky to have someone like me
124
00:04:32,475 --> 00:04:33,579
just to save them from you.
125
00:04:33,580 --> 00:04:35,699
Well, I guess we'll never know.
126
00:04:35,700 --> 00:04:36,699
Or will we?
127
00:04:36,700 --> 00:04:38,409
Oscar, you can't be serious.
128
00:04:38,410 --> 00:04:40,199
On behalf of balcony smokers
129
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:41,739
and people who don't give a crap,
130
00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:43,739
I hereby enter the race
for president of the...
131
00:04:43,740 --> 00:04:44,890
What is it again?
132
00:04:45,870 --> 00:04:47,499
BTA.
133
00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:49,280
Yeah, that. I'm gonna
be president of that.
134
00:04:56,431 --> 00:04:57,614
Good morning, fellow tenants.
135
00:04:57,615 --> 00:04:58,630
Whoa.
136
00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:00,510
I thought you were the cutout.
137
00:05:00,511 --> 00:05:02,330
Take one of my flyers.
138
00:05:02,331 --> 00:05:04,330
It details the 14-point
plan I will enact
139
00:05:04,331 --> 00:05:06,660
when you elect me as your leader.
140
00:05:06,661 --> 00:05:08,660
I liked the cutout better.
141
00:05:08,661 --> 00:05:10,761
Yeah, I miss the mustache.
142
00:05:11,831 --> 00:05:14,330
Hi. You want a doughnut?
143
00:05:14,331 --> 00:05:15,870
I'm Oscar Madison,
144
00:05:15,871 --> 00:05:18,580
and I'm running for
president of the BLT.
145
00:05:18,581 --> 00:05:20,580
But you've got your hands full.
146
00:05:20,581 --> 00:05:23,950
So here we go, and here we go.
147
00:05:23,951 --> 00:05:26,120
Wow, you really think this
strategy will work, huh?
148
00:05:26,121 --> 00:05:28,120
You think people can be
swayed by free doughnuts?
149
00:05:28,121 --> 00:05:30,870
No, they want to know where
you stand on the "iss-ues."
150
00:05:30,871 --> 00:05:32,801
People don't care about the "iss-ues."
151
00:05:33,951 --> 00:05:35,490
They want to be left alone.
152
00:05:35,491 --> 00:05:37,750
Yeah, amen to that.
153
00:05:37,751 --> 00:05:39,370
Jelly-filled.
154
00:05:39,371 --> 00:05:41,221
You got my vote.
155
00:05:46,831 --> 00:05:48,120
Red alert.
156
00:05:48,121 --> 00:05:49,540
We've lost the Blausteins.
157
00:05:49,541 --> 00:05:51,080
Oh no.
158
00:05:51,081 --> 00:05:52,990
The Blausteins were
our gateway to the...
159
00:05:52,991 --> 00:05:53,990
Friedmans.
160
00:05:53,991 --> 00:05:55,580
And they vacation with the Donovans.
161
00:05:55,581 --> 00:05:57,830
We're losing the entire 11th floor.
162
00:05:57,831 --> 00:06:00,910
And as I always say,
"As goes the 11th floor..."
163
00:06:00,911 --> 00:06:03,870
"So goes the building."
164
00:06:03,871 --> 00:06:05,660
I can't believe I'm
actually saying this,
165
00:06:05,661 --> 00:06:08,660
but Oscar now actually
has a path to victory.
166
00:06:08,661 --> 00:06:10,660
Okay, Felix, you are overreacting.
167
00:06:10,661 --> 00:06:12,450
You're clearly the better candidate.
168
00:06:12,451 --> 00:06:16,540
Yes, I know that, but try
telling that to the Bilgors.
169
00:06:16,541 --> 00:06:18,120
We lost the Bilgors?
170
00:06:18,121 --> 00:06:20,120
I may have corrected Ted on his grammar
171
00:06:20,121 --> 00:06:22,120
while explaining my
trash-chute initiative.
172
00:06:22,121 --> 00:06:25,120
Oh no, Felix.
173
00:06:25,121 --> 00:06:26,660
"Lay" and "lie."
174
00:06:26,661 --> 00:06:27,661
Know the difference.
175
00:06:27,662 --> 00:06:28,761
Know the difference!
176
00:06:30,871 --> 00:06:32,410
I can't believe that people can't see
177
00:06:32,411 --> 00:06:34,450
what a terrible president
Oscar would be.
178
00:06:34,451 --> 00:06:38,051
I swear, if he wins, I am moving
uptown to The Canada House.
179
00:06:40,081 --> 00:06:42,870
Well, if you think
he would be that bad,
180
00:06:42,871 --> 00:06:45,290
why don't you make that
part of your message?
181
00:06:45,291 --> 00:06:47,290
Oh, you mean go negative.
182
00:06:47,291 --> 00:06:48,041
Mm-hmm.
183
00:06:48,042 --> 00:06:48,891
Yes.
184
00:06:50,081 --> 00:06:51,870
Could probably find some dirt on him.
185
00:06:51,871 --> 00:06:53,640
He's literally covered in it.
186
00:06:54,871 --> 00:06:56,870
But n-n-no, no,
despite our differences,
187
00:06:56,871 --> 00:06:57,870
Oscar is my best friend.
188
00:06:57,871 --> 00:06:59,540
I want to win, but not that way.
189
00:06:59,541 --> 00:07:02,410
You are a good man, Felix Unger.
190
00:07:02,411 --> 00:07:04,990
And you're gonna make
an amazing president.
191
00:07:04,991 --> 00:07:08,200
And you are going to
make a great First Lady.
192
00:07:08,201 --> 00:07:10,910
Once we lock down a more
appropriate campaign hairstyle.
193
00:07:10,911 --> 00:07:13,370
You don't like my hair?
194
00:07:13,371 --> 00:07:15,370
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
195
00:07:15,371 --> 00:07:16,471
I do not.
196
00:07:19,491 --> 00:07:21,620
I think the building's
fine the way it is,
197
00:07:21,621 --> 00:07:24,990
but my opponent wants to get in
your face and change everything.
198
00:07:24,991 --> 00:07:25,990
That little guy?
199
00:07:25,991 --> 00:07:27,250
He's been here three times.
200
00:07:27,251 --> 00:07:28,754
He always gives me something to read.
201
00:07:28,755 --> 00:07:31,080
I hate reading.
202
00:07:31,081 --> 00:07:33,370
I get it. You don't want
problems when you come home.
203
00:07:33,371 --> 00:07:35,200
You already got your
wife yelling at you.
204
00:07:35,201 --> 00:07:37,450
She's always on me.
205
00:07:37,451 --> 00:07:39,221
And the kids.
206
00:07:39,222 --> 00:07:40,990
I got so many kids.
207
00:07:40,991 --> 00:07:42,490
You just want to be left alone.
208
00:07:42,491 --> 00:07:45,910
A vote for me is a vote
for peace and quiet.
209
00:07:45,911 --> 00:07:48,990
Remember on election day,
"O" for Oscar.
210
00:07:48,991 --> 00:07:50,800
You got my vote.
211
00:07:51,951 --> 00:07:53,450
Running out of doughnuts.
212
00:07:53,451 --> 00:07:54,870
How many more doors
you want to knock on?
213
00:07:54,871 --> 00:07:56,694
Just a couple more.
Plus I got Murph out there
214
00:07:56,695 --> 00:07:57,950
talking me up to the neighbors.
215
00:07:57,951 --> 00:07:59,700
The common man loves a celebrity.
216
00:07:59,701 --> 00:08:01,580
Oscar, what's come over you?
217
00:08:01,581 --> 00:08:03,604
Why do you care so much
about this president thing?
218
00:08:03,605 --> 00:08:06,330
Because Felix would make
everyone's life a living hell.
219
00:08:06,331 --> 00:08:09,120
And because...
220
00:08:09,121 --> 00:08:11,990
I don't know, he said I couldn't do it.
221
00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:13,990
Ooh, we just struck emotional oil.
222
00:08:13,991 --> 00:08:15,490
Let it flow, big guy.
223
00:08:15,491 --> 00:08:17,990
He's always rolling his eyes at me,
224
00:08:17,991 --> 00:08:20,290
saying I don't get things,
that I'm an incompetent boob,
225
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:23,790
that I can't use my tie as a belt.
226
00:08:23,791 --> 00:08:25,700
But he says it with love.
227
00:08:25,701 --> 00:08:28,121
Well, I'm sick of it, and I'm
gonna make him eat his words.
228
00:08:31,121 --> 00:08:33,221
Oh, hey guys.
229
00:08:35,791 --> 00:08:37,580
Murph, what are you doing here?
230
00:08:37,581 --> 00:08:39,620
Hey, you coming back to bed?
231
00:08:39,621 --> 00:08:40,491
You bet.
232
00:08:41,161 --> 00:08:42,950
This is the guy I was
telling you about.
233
00:08:42,951 --> 00:08:45,301
Oh, um, he was very persuasive.
234
00:08:46,951 --> 00:08:49,051
Yeah, I gave her an "O" for Oscar.
235
00:08:53,991 --> 00:08:57,330
And that is why I say, "I.D. cards,
236
00:08:57,331 --> 00:09:00,591
an i-dea whose time has come."
237
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:03,431
In conclusion...
238
00:09:06,701 --> 00:09:09,490
...there is no candidate
who more deserves a place
239
00:09:09,491 --> 00:09:11,570
on our esteemed Wall
of Presidents than me,
240
00:09:11,818 --> 00:09:16,158
because only I have the
courage and the vision
241
00:09:16,159 --> 00:09:19,948
to lead the Royal Arms
into the 22nd century.
242
00:09:19,949 --> 00:09:23,487
So when it comes time to vote,
please remember my platform
243
00:09:23,488 --> 00:09:25,777
with this simple mnemonic device:
244
00:09:25,778 --> 00:09:28,949
Together Our Community
Can't Help But Go
245
00:09:28,950 --> 00:09:31,840
Insane And Bananas For
President Felix Hooray.
246
00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:35,091
Thank you.
247
00:09:40,951 --> 00:09:42,610
Thank you, Felix.
248
00:09:42,611 --> 00:09:45,319
Okay, our older residents
might want to stand
249
00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:47,819
to eliminate any blood clots
that might have formed
250
00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:51,210
during that very thorough presentation.
251
00:09:56,241 --> 00:10:00,240
Up next is the other male
roommate, no judgment,
252
00:10:00,241 --> 00:10:02,199
Oscar Madison.
253
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:05,450
Thank you, thank you.
254
00:10:05,451 --> 00:10:08,301
If you elect me,
I will leave you alone.
255
00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:13,409
And you can remember that
by my mnemonic device:
256
00:10:13,410 --> 00:10:15,460
I Will Leave You Alone.
257
00:10:17,411 --> 00:10:19,570
This guy gets it.
258
00:10:19,571 --> 00:10:21,570
I feel like I'm losing them.
259
00:10:21,571 --> 00:10:22,820
Well, what can you do?
260
00:10:22,821 --> 00:10:24,860
You've already said
everything that you can say.
261
00:10:24,861 --> 00:10:26,450
Maybe not everything.
262
00:10:26,451 --> 00:10:28,410
Um, excuse me.
263
00:10:28,411 --> 00:10:30,070
Uh, neighbors, fellow tenants,
264
00:10:30,071 --> 00:10:32,250
I would be remiss if I did
not say one more thing.
265
00:10:35,241 --> 00:10:37,239
Oscar is my best friend,
266
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:38,650
as well as my roommate,
267
00:10:38,651 --> 00:10:39,739
and as his roommate,
268
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:42,410
no one knows him better than I do.
269
00:10:42,411 --> 00:10:46,240
Which is why I mean it when I say...
270
00:10:46,241 --> 00:10:49,860
you do not want this
man as your president.
271
00:10:49,861 --> 00:10:51,740
What's this, now?
272
00:10:51,741 --> 00:10:54,028
He is fiscally irresponsible,
273
00:10:54,029 --> 00:10:56,027
his retirement plan is selling off
274
00:10:56,028 --> 00:10:58,198
unopened Batman trading cards,
275
00:10:58,199 --> 00:10:59,198
he befouls
276
00:10:59,199 --> 00:11:01,488
the air with his cigar smoke,
277
00:11:01,489 --> 00:11:03,818
and most damningly,
278
00:11:03,819 --> 00:11:05,568
it was Oscar
279
00:11:05,569 --> 00:11:07,959
who vomited in the lobby ficus.
280
00:11:12,199 --> 00:11:14,589
Oscar, would you like to
address these allegations?
281
00:11:16,199 --> 00:11:18,608
Thank you, Felix.
Okay, here's the deal.
282
00:11:18,609 --> 00:11:21,858
Every single thing Felix said is true.
283
00:11:21,859 --> 00:11:23,148
So I'm bad
284
00:11:23,149 --> 00:11:25,068
with money, but who here in this room
285
00:11:25,069 --> 00:11:26,919
hasn't been late paying a bill?
286
00:11:30,069 --> 00:11:33,238
And I'm not the only who enjoys
a relaxing smoke on the balcony.
287
00:11:33,239 --> 00:11:34,898
Right, Mr. Blaustein?
288
00:11:34,899 --> 00:11:37,419
Just don't tell Mrs. Blaustein.
289
00:11:38,819 --> 00:11:41,169
And I'll admit it,
I'm the ficus barfer.
290
00:11:42,859 --> 00:11:45,629
I drank too much and got sick.
But who here hasn't?
291
00:11:48,939 --> 00:11:50,698
At the critical moment I had a choice,
292
00:11:50,699 --> 00:11:52,438
floor or ficus, and I went ficus.
293
00:11:52,439 --> 00:11:54,419
And you know what? I'd do it again!
294
00:11:58,319 --> 00:12:00,528
So what do you say?
Who's gonna vote for me?
295
00:12:00,529 --> 00:12:01,898
Oscar, Oscar, Oscar...
296
00:12:01,899 --> 00:12:04,528
Oscar! Oscar! Oscar!
297
00:12:04,529 --> 00:12:06,318
No! No! No!
298
00:12:06,319 --> 00:12:07,568
No, that was not...
299
00:12:07,569 --> 00:12:09,152
that was not a chant, that was a chide!
300
00:12:09,153 --> 00:12:10,458
It was a chide!
301
00:12:16,279 --> 00:12:18,568
How do I look? Do I look presidential?
302
00:12:18,569 --> 00:12:20,148
Uh... I don't know.
303
00:12:20,149 --> 00:12:21,999
I feel like you're missing something.
304
00:12:24,319 --> 00:12:27,068
I'm only doing this to see
the look on Felix's face
305
00:12:27,069 --> 00:12:29,318
when he spots me on
the Wall of Presidents.
306
00:12:29,319 --> 00:12:30,568
You want a sneak peek?
307
00:12:30,569 --> 00:12:32,039
Turn around.
308
00:12:38,279 --> 00:12:41,568
Good morning, constituent.
309
00:12:41,569 --> 00:12:42,858
Hello, Oscar.
310
00:12:42,859 --> 00:12:45,358
Please address me by my
full title: Mr. President.
311
00:12:45,359 --> 00:12:48,438
Or, as my security detail calls me...
312
00:12:48,439 --> 00:12:50,419
"Renegade."
313
00:12:52,359 --> 00:12:54,531
- I told you I'm not calling you that.
- What?
314
00:12:54,532 --> 00:12:56,608
We can have a code name, too.
315
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,799
Okay, then I'll be
"Coffee Break." See ya.
316
00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:04,028
So, what should I do on my
first day as president?
317
00:13:04,029 --> 00:13:07,438
Well, not my place to say,
but if I were president...
318
00:13:07,439 --> 00:13:08,959
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...
319
00:13:11,699 --> 00:13:13,651
- I get it.
- Because you laughed when I...
320
00:13:13,652 --> 00:13:15,108
I said I get it!
321
00:13:15,109 --> 00:13:18,028
I know what I should do...
I should move my car
322
00:13:18,029 --> 00:13:19,398
to my sweet new presidential
323
00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:20,568
parking space.
324
00:13:20,569 --> 00:13:22,339
Renegade on the move.
325
00:13:23,649 --> 00:13:26,879
Secure the perimeter.
Renegade is wheels up.
326
00:13:27,819 --> 00:13:28,818
Teddy, stop that.
327
00:13:28,819 --> 00:13:31,299
Madame Butterfly is not amused.
328
00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:36,238
Oh, hey, Oscar. Congratulations.
329
00:13:36,239 --> 00:13:37,488
Oh, thanks...
330
00:13:37,489 --> 00:13:39,169
neighbor.
331
00:13:41,675 --> 00:13:42,608
You don't know my name.
332
00:13:42,609 --> 00:13:43,774
I love it!
333
00:13:44,739 --> 00:13:46,858
Oh, hey, while I got you here...
334
00:13:46,859 --> 00:13:49,938
I lost 75 cents in
the vending machine...
335
00:13:49,939 --> 00:13:54,209
do I got to fill out a form,
or can you reimburse me now?
336
00:13:58,279 --> 00:14:00,898
And another thing...
337
00:14:00,899 --> 00:14:03,198
how are we supposed to wipe
down the gym equipment
338
00:14:03,199 --> 00:14:05,148
if the building doesn't
give us clean towels?
339
00:14:05,149 --> 00:14:06,898
You ever see the sweaty guy in 8G?
340
00:14:06,899 --> 00:14:09,988
He turned the treadmill
into a freaking Slip 'N Slide.
341
00:14:09,989 --> 00:14:12,738
Okay, let me see if
I've got this straight.
342
00:14:12,739 --> 00:14:15,198
Clean towels, didn't
get your candy bar,
343
00:14:15,199 --> 00:14:16,749
possible ghost.
344
00:14:18,569 --> 00:14:20,938
I'll see what I can do.
345
00:14:20,939 --> 00:14:23,608
Oh, my good God.
346
00:14:23,609 --> 00:14:25,988
And could you talk
to your friend for me?
347
00:14:25,989 --> 00:14:28,488
He promised he'd call,
but he never did.
348
00:14:28,489 --> 00:14:31,089
Look, I know Murph... he's not gonna...
349
00:14:32,199 --> 00:14:34,499
I'll see what I can do.
350
00:14:35,819 --> 00:14:38,438
Oh, my God, they won't stop.
351
00:14:38,439 --> 00:14:40,608
Mr. Kim wants a different mailbox.
352
00:14:40,609 --> 00:14:43,778
Mrs. Markham thinks
there's a ghost in her pantry.
353
00:14:43,779 --> 00:14:45,568
Oh, Admiral Pennington.
354
00:14:45,569 --> 00:14:48,339
Yeah, he was murdered by a prostitute.
355
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:51,438
Thank God I get to take a break.
356
00:14:51,439 --> 00:14:53,398
Yeah, I wouldn't be so sure about that.
357
00:14:53,399 --> 00:14:55,778
E-mails, faxes, invoice
for my overtime.
358
00:14:55,779 --> 00:14:58,539
You didn't think I was
campaigning for free, did you?
359
00:14:59,859 --> 00:15:02,358
I don't know how to handle this stuff.
360
00:15:02,359 --> 00:15:04,898
Then don't. Wasn't your
campaign about doing nothing?
361
00:15:04,899 --> 00:15:06,699
Yeah, sure, they don't
want me bothering them,
362
00:15:06,700 --> 00:15:08,283
but they sure as hell
want to bother me.
363
00:15:08,284 --> 00:15:09,090
Mm.
364
00:15:09,524 --> 00:15:11,183
Hey, Dani.
365
00:15:11,184 --> 00:15:13,933
Oh, no, I'm not the president. Mm-mm.
366
00:15:13,934 --> 00:15:16,563
I'm the secretary of See You Monday.
367
00:15:16,564 --> 00:15:18,603
It's Thursday.
368
00:15:18,604 --> 00:15:21,483
I know.
369
00:15:21,484 --> 00:15:22,643
Nope.
370
00:15:22,644 --> 00:15:24,273
No way.
371
00:15:24,274 --> 00:15:25,643
Forget it.
372
00:15:25,644 --> 00:15:28,393
No, you can't get a tiger.
373
00:15:28,394 --> 00:15:30,273
Oscar...
374
00:15:30,274 --> 00:15:31,893
you're making a mess. What are those?
375
00:15:31,894 --> 00:15:34,063
Just a bunch of stupid
requests from the tenants.
376
00:15:34,064 --> 00:15:35,723
Well, this one is important.
377
00:15:35,724 --> 00:15:38,223
You need to pick a caterer
for Frannie's last meeting.
378
00:15:38,224 --> 00:15:40,893
Who cares? We'll just get
one of those six-foot subs.
379
00:15:40,894 --> 00:15:42,837
Oh, yes, because nothing
says "farewell, Frannie"
380
00:15:42,838 --> 00:15:44,228
like two yards of bologna.
381
00:15:45,224 --> 00:15:47,773
You know what? I'll handle it. In fact,
382
00:15:47,774 --> 00:15:49,523
give me all those.
383
00:15:49,524 --> 00:15:51,603
Don't mistake this for
me stopping you, but...
384
00:15:51,604 --> 00:15:53,019
why are you helping me?
385
00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:54,433
Because I will not be part
386
00:15:54,434 --> 00:15:56,683
of this magnificent building's decline.
387
00:15:56,684 --> 00:15:59,893
And... because I feel terrible
about those things that I said.
388
00:15:59,894 --> 00:16:02,643
You are my friend,
and that was uncalled for.
389
00:16:02,644 --> 00:16:04,523
Oh, hey, it was all true.
390
00:16:04,524 --> 00:16:06,223
I was surprised you
didn't bring up my role
391
00:16:06,224 --> 00:16:07,534
in the garbage chute fire.
392
00:16:09,024 --> 00:16:11,853
I thought I would steer
clear of possible felonies.
393
00:16:11,854 --> 00:16:14,643
Anyway... sorry I said
so many mean things.
394
00:16:14,644 --> 00:16:17,223
I guess I just felt the
election slipping away from me,
395
00:16:17,224 --> 00:16:19,523
and it brought back a lot
of bad memories, so...
396
00:16:19,524 --> 00:16:21,686
- What do you mean?
- Well, when I was in school,
397
00:16:21,687 --> 00:16:22,893
I would always run for office
398
00:16:22,894 --> 00:16:25,483
because I thought I had
so many good ideas.
399
00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:28,023
And then I always lost
to the cool kid, the...
400
00:16:28,024 --> 00:16:30,023
Homecoming Queen, the quarterback.
401
00:16:30,024 --> 00:16:31,523
I don't know, it's stupid.
402
00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:33,433
I... I thought that was all behind me
403
00:16:33,434 --> 00:16:36,244
and I had a chance to show
what I could really do.
404
00:16:37,434 --> 00:16:39,523
I'm sorry, Felix, I didn't know.
405
00:16:39,524 --> 00:16:40,723
Well, it's okay.
406
00:16:40,724 --> 00:16:42,813
If you can't be one
of the popular kids,
407
00:16:42,814 --> 00:16:45,643
maybe it's best to work...
behind the scenes, huh?
408
00:16:45,644 --> 00:16:49,824
Like when I was co-holder
of the AV Club closet key.
409
00:16:52,684 --> 00:16:55,643
You know what? I will start
calling some caterers.
410
00:16:55,644 --> 00:16:57,744
Hey, Felix?
411
00:16:59,274 --> 00:17:01,494
You forgot these.
412
00:17:08,564 --> 00:17:10,063
Oscar.
413
00:17:10,064 --> 00:17:12,183
Thank you for getting
these hors d'oeuvres
414
00:17:12,184 --> 00:17:13,523
for my last BTA meeting.
415
00:17:13,524 --> 00:17:15,084
Where'd they come from?
416
00:17:16,564 --> 00:17:18,933
I assume you're looking for an answer
417
00:17:18,934 --> 00:17:22,563
more specific than "that tray
from that table over there"?
418
00:17:22,564 --> 00:17:24,933
He's kidding, of course.
419
00:17:24,934 --> 00:17:26,933
Oscar found a wonderful new caterer.
420
00:17:26,934 --> 00:17:30,563
These little fried
bastards are great. Mm!
421
00:17:30,564 --> 00:17:32,353
Well, I figured if my face is gonna be
422
00:17:32,354 --> 00:17:34,183
up there on that wall,
I better earn it.
423
00:17:34,184 --> 00:17:35,603
Rearranging the lobby furniture
424
00:17:35,604 --> 00:17:37,183
to make foot traffic more efficient?
425
00:17:37,184 --> 00:17:38,393
Who thinks of that?
426
00:17:38,394 --> 00:17:40,483
I know. You would not think
427
00:17:40,484 --> 00:17:42,454
that would be me, would you?
428
00:17:44,274 --> 00:17:48,223
I feel bad taking credit
for all the stuff you did.
429
00:17:48,224 --> 00:17:51,283
Nonsense. It's a pleasure to serve.
430
00:17:51,814 --> 00:17:53,606
Okay, everyone, let's get started.
431
00:17:53,607 --> 00:17:55,103
It is my pleasure...
432
00:17:55,104 --> 00:17:57,063
to turn over the presidential gavel
433
00:17:57,064 --> 00:18:00,603
to someone who's already done
so much for our building...
434
00:18:00,604 --> 00:18:02,873
Oscar Madison.
435
00:18:04,564 --> 00:18:05,723
Thank you.
436
00:18:05,724 --> 00:18:08,183
No. Stop. Really. Stop.
437
00:18:08,184 --> 00:18:10,143
I love you, man!
438
00:18:10,144 --> 00:18:12,244
Getting weird, Wayne.
439
00:18:13,684 --> 00:18:16,313
Okay, for my first official...
440
00:18:16,314 --> 00:18:18,273
docket to the decree...
441
00:18:18,274 --> 00:18:19,954
of the agenda...
442
00:18:21,314 --> 00:18:24,103
I would just like to say that...
443
00:18:24,104 --> 00:18:27,414
you all made a horrible
mistake electing me.
444
00:18:29,724 --> 00:18:32,813
I didn't do any of the stuff
you're thanking me for.
445
00:18:32,814 --> 00:18:34,393
Felix did.
446
00:18:34,394 --> 00:18:36,893
Oscar, you don't have to do this.
447
00:18:36,894 --> 00:18:38,023
No, I want to.
448
00:18:38,024 --> 00:18:39,723
I don't deserve this hammer.
449
00:18:39,724 --> 00:18:42,824
I may or may not have started
the garbage chute fire.
450
00:18:44,774 --> 00:18:48,933
And I may or may not have
tried to put it out with vodka.
451
00:18:48,934 --> 00:18:50,723
I don't deserve to be president.
452
00:18:50,724 --> 00:18:51,994
Felix does.
453
00:18:52,894 --> 00:18:55,084
But we don't want him.
454
00:18:56,604 --> 00:18:59,353
He reminds me of my wife.
455
00:18:59,354 --> 00:19:03,223
I know you don't want to elect
Felix 'cause he's a nerd.
456
00:19:03,224 --> 00:19:06,773
It's a normal human reaction. I get it.
457
00:19:06,774 --> 00:19:08,773
But he's what this place needs.
458
00:19:08,774 --> 00:19:10,773
Trust me, he'll grow on you.
459
00:19:10,774 --> 00:19:12,483
He grew on me.
460
00:19:12,484 --> 00:19:15,414
Well, he makes me uncomfortable.
461
00:19:17,484 --> 00:19:21,273
But if Oscar says he's okay,
there must be something to him.
462
00:19:21,274 --> 00:19:23,313
He's gonna do a great job.
463
00:19:23,314 --> 00:19:25,353
Go get 'em, buddy.
464
00:19:25,354 --> 00:19:29,284
That's a big man,
giving up power like that.
465
00:19:30,274 --> 00:19:32,183
Oscar! Oscar!
466
00:19:32,184 --> 00:19:34,583
Oscar! Oscar!
467
00:19:35,434 --> 00:19:37,353
Hey. Are you okay?
468
00:19:37,354 --> 00:19:40,853
Well, this is not how I wanted to win.
469
00:19:40,854 --> 00:19:43,933
But who cares?
I'm president! President!
470
00:19:43,934 --> 00:19:45,517
All right, people, the Unger Era begins
471
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:46,853
right now... let's get to work.
472
00:19:46,854 --> 00:19:49,643
Listen up! People!
473
00:19:49,644 --> 00:19:50,944
I'm gonna need a bigger gavel.
474
00:19:57,177 --> 00:19:59,740
Now, come on, Felix,
I don't need a stupid I.D.
475
00:19:59,741 --> 00:20:01,461
I've been coming to this
building for years.
476
00:20:01,462 --> 00:20:02,922
- Everybody knows who I...
- Smile.
477
00:20:05,201 --> 00:20:06,859
Okay. I'm ready.
478
00:20:06,860 --> 00:20:09,159
You sure you don't want
another go at those bangs?
479
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:10,699
I've got a hairbrush here somewhere.
480
00:20:10,700 --> 00:20:12,709
You are lucky that you're good in b...
481
00:20:15,990 --> 00:20:18,360
Do we have to do this today?
I'm hungover.
482
00:20:18,361 --> 00:20:20,671
- Haven't slept, haven't showered...
- Smile.
483
00:20:23,740 --> 00:20:25,399
Dani, what are you doing? Turn around.
484
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:26,960
Hey, you're a
professional photographer.
485
00:20:26,961 --> 00:20:28,580
I'm gonna use this
for my dating profile.
486
00:20:28,581 --> 00:20:29,570
Count me down.
487
00:20:29,571 --> 00:20:30,839
Three, two, one.
488
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:37,949
Oscar, take it off.
489
00:20:37,950 --> 00:20:39,949
I'm not Oscar.
490
00:20:39,950 --> 00:20:41,840
I'm Batman.
491
00:20:44,740 --> 00:20:46,569
Come on, now, take this seriously.
492
00:20:46,570 --> 00:20:48,866
I take everything seriously.
493
00:20:49,166 --> 00:20:50,000
I'm Batman.
494
00:20:54,799 --> 00:21:01,933
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