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Upload profile pic.
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All right, good women of New York,
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get ready to meet...
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...your creepy Uncle Oscar.
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Hey, Oscar.
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No, I'm not!
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I just came by to
borrow Felix's chess set.
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What makes you think
Felix has a chess set?
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It's for my son Andre.
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I've been trying to get him into sports,
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but the poor little
guy can't run, throw,
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catch, hit.
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He even has trouble standing.
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They put him in the outfield,
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he kept falling over.
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Yeah, I had the same
problem in softball,
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except it was tequila-related.
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Hey, Felix.
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You mind if I, uh, borrow
your chess set for my son?
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Oh, he's given up on athletics?
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Good for him.
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His teenage years
will be free of injury.
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And girlfriends.
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Well, Oscar, I may have
resolved my issues with Norman.
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Our doorman?
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You have have a doorman
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named Norman?
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Yes, and he's terrible.
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He just stands there, holding
the door open for people.
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That bastard.
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No, that's all he does.
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He won't do anything else.
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He won't clean the
smudges off the glass.
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He wears his uniform cap
intentionally off-kilter
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like a rapper singer.
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And worst of all...
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Please don't bring up
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that stupid thing you want him to say.
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We live in a building
called The Royal Arms.
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Would it be so hard to send
us off with an uplifting
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"Have a royal day"?
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So this morning,
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he barely grunted at me,
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and I took matters into my own hands.
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Felix, what did you do?
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I sent a strongly worded
text to building management,
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including a string of angry emojis.
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Including, yes,
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the guy with steam
coming out of his ears.
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No, we can't piss Norman off!
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He's keeping our secret.
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What secret?
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The lease is in Gaby's name.
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If the building finds out,
we'll lose our rent control.
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You didn't change the
lease after the divorce?
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I didn't change my
pants after the divorce!
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Oscar, why didn't you tell me?
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Because I knew you'd give
me a lecture on ethics.
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Well, that's right because
when we lie to others we...
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You take the stairs.
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How did you?
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I'm winded from the elevator ride.
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Look at him over there.
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Slouching like a teenage pot fiend.
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Let me handle this.
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Norman!
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Oh, hey, Mr. Madison!
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Mr. Unger.
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Hey, you know how we're always
talking about the Knicks,
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'cause we're such good friends?
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Well, I've got two tickets
I'd love to give you,
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you know, because we're...
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such good friends.
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Oh, thanks, Mr. Madison!
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Oh, and, also Mr. Unger has something
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he'd like to say to you...
don't you, Mr. Unger?
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Um, yes, Norman, I, um,
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crossed the line with some emojis
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that I texted to building management.
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That, uh, smiling pile of excrement?
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That's not who I am.
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Thanks.
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That means a lot.
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I just wish you told me earlier.
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What do you mean?
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Well, Mrs. Lacroix
from building management
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called to issue me a formal reprimand.
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Oh, yeah, she seems tough but fair.
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The thing is I might've accidentally
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mentioned to her your
little lease secret.
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Yeah.
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She seemed pretty upset.
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Said she'd have to raise your rent.
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Plus you'll owe money in back rent.
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Yep, "tough but fair."
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But friends...
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us...
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such good.
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I'm sorry, Mr. Madison.
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You've always been good to me.
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Unlike some people.
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Well, don't worry.
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Some people are gonna
get what's coming to them.
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Just a reminder,
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some people have pepper spray.
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Hey, Mr. Unger?
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You have yourself a royal day.
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Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
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I know they're a long shot
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but put 500 bucks on Boston.
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Score more!
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Score less!
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Run faster!
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Come in third!
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Hello, Oscar!
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No! No!
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Yes!
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I said third!
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What's going on?
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Because of stupid Felix, I
have to come up with ten grand
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or I'll lose the apartment,
so I'm betting on jai alai.
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Quick question.
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What's jai alai?
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Stupid Felix already paid
his half of the back rent
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and it's not his fault that
you haven't saved a penny.
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Oscar, why can't you just sell
some of your sports memorabilia?
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00:05:00,180 --> 00:05:03,095
What about that-that baseball
signed by the '69 Mets?
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The '69 Mets? No way!
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That's my favorite team.
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And the funniest year.
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I'm not giving that up for 11 grand.
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- I thought you said ten.
- It was.
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But I lost a grand on
the Westminster Dog Show.
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Great Dane?
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More like mediocre Dane.
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Oscar, this is not good.
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You know you have a
problem with gambling.
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No!
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You don't have a problem with gambling?
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00:05:24,010 --> 00:05:25,755
Oh, yeah, big problem.
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00:05:25,756 --> 00:05:28,675
I was yelling because Britain
elected a Labor Party guy,
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and I had my money on the opposition.
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00:05:31,836 --> 00:05:33,885
Hey, everybody! You remember Andre.
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Hello, hello.
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Aw, hey, little guy.
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How's it going?
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Good!
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00:05:37,836 --> 00:05:40,545
Now that I don't have
to play softball anymore.
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00:05:40,546 --> 00:05:42,215
That ball goes really fast.
150
00:05:42,216 --> 00:05:44,135
And it's not that soft.
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00:05:44,136 --> 00:05:46,215
Hey, thanks for the lesson, Felix.
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00:05:46,216 --> 00:05:48,795
We tried watching a chess
video, but then we fell asleep
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00:05:48,796 --> 00:05:50,755
because we were watching a chess video.
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Of course, I'm happy
to show him the basics.
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00:05:53,096 --> 00:05:55,175
But just remember, Andre,
everything in moderation.
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Chess is a wonderful
hobby, but it's only a game.
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It's only a game.
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Can we sit the whole time?
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00:06:03,256 --> 00:06:05,255
And will there be snacks?
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Yes.
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00:06:06,466 --> 00:06:08,255
Carrot sticks!
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I don't think I'm gonna like chess.
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Yes! No!
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Punt! Spike!
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Sorry!
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00:06:18,926 --> 00:06:22,045
Ah, it has been 30 years since
I surveyed this landscape.
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64 squares, 32 pieces,
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00:06:24,096 --> 00:06:25,755
black versus wh...
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00:06:25,756 --> 00:06:28,925
why don't we get started?
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00:06:28,926 --> 00:06:31,715
So, uh, how do you know
so much about chess?
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Oh, I dabbled when I was younger.
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I was actually nationally ranked.
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Really? You never told me that.
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If you were so good, why'd you stop?
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Oh, you know, when you hit adolescence,
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a boy's thoughts turn to other things.
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Like the cello.
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00:06:45,136 --> 00:06:47,545
Say, Felix, don't people make money
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betting on chess?
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00:06:48,796 --> 00:06:51,835
Yes, some unsavory
types meet in the parks
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00:06:51,836 --> 00:06:54,965
to flout the law and sully
the integrity of the game.
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00:06:54,966 --> 00:06:56,965
And you're really good at chess?
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00:06:56,966 --> 00:06:58,635
Yes, because of my ability
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00:06:58,636 --> 00:07:00,595
to always see five moves ahead.
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00:07:00,596 --> 00:07:03,255
So the answer to the question
you are going to ask me is no.
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00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:04,925
Well, the question I was about to ask
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00:07:04,926 --> 00:07:07,005
is "Will you not play chess for money?"
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00:07:07,006 --> 00:07:10,045
So, you know, ha!
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00:07:10,046 --> 00:07:11,925
Andre, I'm sorry that
you have to see this.
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00:07:11,926 --> 00:07:13,965
Gambling has no part
in this noble pursuit.
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00:07:13,966 --> 00:07:15,465
Oh, he's just glad he doesn't have
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00:07:15,466 --> 00:07:16,755
to go outside and run around.
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00:07:16,756 --> 00:07:18,856
Can you imagine?
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00:07:20,046 --> 00:07:21,965
Come on, Felix, help me out here.
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00:07:21,966 --> 00:07:23,513
You're the reason Norman turned us in.
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00:07:23,514 --> 00:07:25,394
And if I don't come up
with my half of the rent,
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00:07:25,395 --> 00:07:27,014
I'm gonna have to move in with Dani.
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00:07:27,015 --> 00:07:28,255
That's your backup plan?
199
00:07:28,256 --> 00:07:30,936
You need to backup off that backup plan.
200
00:07:31,886 --> 00:07:34,135
Okay, fine, I'll play.
201
00:07:34,136 --> 00:07:35,656
But just to keep us off of the streets
202
00:07:35,657 --> 00:07:37,120
and only until you make your 11,000.
203
00:07:37,121 --> 00:07:38,425
Then we stop.
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00:07:38,426 --> 00:07:41,736
12... my lumberjack
just fell off his log.
205
00:07:46,886 --> 00:07:48,095
Look at us, Clem.
206
00:07:48,096 --> 00:07:50,425
A couple of brothers
from Sioux City, Iowa
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00:07:50,426 --> 00:07:53,045
taking a bite out of the Big Apple.
208
00:07:53,046 --> 00:07:54,835
Aren't you laying it on a bit thick?
209
00:07:54,836 --> 00:07:56,715
If we're doing this,
we're doing this my way,
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00:07:56,716 --> 00:07:59,016
with dramatic flair and a
strong narrative through-line.
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00:07:59,966 --> 00:08:01,595
Why, lookie!
212
00:08:01,596 --> 00:08:03,005
They's a-playin' chess.
213
00:08:03,006 --> 00:08:04,545
And with fancy pieces.
214
00:08:04,546 --> 00:08:06,335
Not a rock in the bunch.
215
00:08:06,336 --> 00:08:08,135
You want to play?
216
00:08:08,136 --> 00:08:10,675
We play for money... $50.
217
00:08:10,676 --> 00:08:13,045
$50?!
218
00:08:13,046 --> 00:08:16,965
But we were saving that money
to go see the Blue Man Group.
219
00:08:16,966 --> 00:08:19,095
Oh, please, Clem?
220
00:08:19,096 --> 00:08:22,936
Pa always said I was
good at Bo-ard game.
221
00:08:25,006 --> 00:08:26,385
We play speed chess.
222
00:08:26,386 --> 00:08:27,595
You go first.
223
00:08:27,596 --> 00:08:29,385
Ooh.
224
00:08:29,386 --> 00:08:31,335
Whoa!
225
00:08:31,336 --> 00:08:32,675
You city boys play a lot faster
226
00:08:32,676 --> 00:08:35,545
than we do back in Iowa.
227
00:08:35,546 --> 00:08:37,135
You okay there, brother?
228
00:08:37,136 --> 00:08:39,045
Uh, yeah, just a...
229
00:08:39,046 --> 00:08:41,606
little bit rusty, that's all.
230
00:08:44,216 --> 00:08:46,175
Checkmate!
231
00:08:48,096 --> 00:08:50,005
Don't make sad face.
232
00:08:50,006 --> 00:08:52,736
Blue Man Group just
weirdoes playing drums.
233
00:08:55,506 --> 00:08:57,385
As they say here in New York,
234
00:08:57,386 --> 00:08:59,095
what the hell, man?
235
00:08:59,096 --> 00:09:00,295
I'm sorry.
236
00:09:00,296 --> 00:09:03,505
But this gentleman is very, very good.
237
00:09:03,506 --> 00:09:07,135
Maybe he'll let me try again...
238
00:09:07,136 --> 00:09:10,276
for $100 this time.
239
00:09:13,676 --> 00:09:16,595
Well, slap my slippers
and call me Sally!
240
00:09:16,596 --> 00:09:18,566
I just won my fourth game in a row!
241
00:09:23,136 --> 00:09:25,715
You did great! They totally bought it!
242
00:09:25,716 --> 00:09:27,965
Uh, that's-that's right.
243
00:09:27,966 --> 00:09:30,309
Our kinfolk totally bought us
those Blue Man Group tickets,
244
00:09:30,310 --> 00:09:31,835
so we best skedaddle!
245
00:09:31,836 --> 00:09:33,965
Maybe hit some parks along the way.
246
00:09:33,966 --> 00:09:35,335
Mighty fine thinking.
247
00:09:45,568 --> 00:09:47,987
I don't like the way you're
looking at that money, Oscar.
248
00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:49,136
What's not to like?
249
00:09:49,137 --> 00:09:51,016
We won back half the
money I owe in two days.
250
00:09:51,017 --> 00:09:53,819
Mm-hmm, I've seen you on this
gambling roller coaster before.
251
00:09:53,820 --> 00:09:55,739
This is the happy part
where you stack up the money
252
00:09:55,740 --> 00:09:56,813
in the cute little piles.
253
00:09:56,814 --> 00:09:58,646
The next part is me
telling a guy named Vito
254
00:09:58,647 --> 00:10:01,356
that you're with Jesus now.
255
00:10:01,357 --> 00:10:05,146
Not a tip! Not a tip!
256
00:10:05,147 --> 00:10:07,187
I'm trying to get
Oscar to stop gambling.
257
00:10:07,188 --> 00:10:08,857
It's not gambling if it's a sure thing.
258
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,777
You know what Felix told me?
259
00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:12,161
He was nationally ranked as a kid.
260
00:10:12,162 --> 00:10:13,067
I didn't know that.
261
00:10:13,068 --> 00:10:14,291
Yeah, and considering how much
262
00:10:14,292 --> 00:10:15,817
he likes to talk about himself,
263
00:10:15,818 --> 00:10:18,397
it's weird that he never brought it up.
264
00:10:18,398 --> 00:10:20,101
Everything about him
has been weird lately.
265
00:10:20,102 --> 00:10:22,027
He's distracted.
266
00:10:22,028 --> 00:10:22,987
Talking to himself.
267
00:10:22,988 --> 00:10:24,647
Canceling plans.
268
00:10:24,648 --> 00:10:26,071
We've just been busy playing chess.
269
00:10:26,072 --> 00:10:27,607
It's totally harmless.
270
00:10:27,608 --> 00:10:29,687
Really? This morning,
271
00:10:29,688 --> 00:10:31,857
he left a cereal bowl in my sink.
272
00:10:34,608 --> 00:10:36,607
And it was oatmeal.
273
00:10:36,608 --> 00:10:38,067
Unrinsed.
274
00:10:38,068 --> 00:10:39,857
Ooh!
275
00:10:39,858 --> 00:10:41,068
Girl, that dries hard.
276
00:10:41,069 --> 00:10:42,277
Mm-hmm.
277
00:10:42,278 --> 00:10:44,918
Geez, I hope the little guy's okay...
278
00:10:46,188 --> 00:10:48,378
...to keep making money!
279
00:10:50,738 --> 00:10:52,737
Oh! Another great show.
280
00:10:52,738 --> 00:10:54,897
I get such a rush being on
the radio with you, Oscar.
281
00:10:54,898 --> 00:10:56,737
And I love it when you chime in,
282
00:10:56,738 --> 00:10:58,401
but you gotta cool it
with the "aww" sound
283
00:10:58,402 --> 00:11:00,067
whenever I tell a heartwarming story.
284
00:11:00,068 --> 00:11:02,687
I didn't know I did
that. I'm... I'm sorry.
285
00:11:02,688 --> 00:11:04,487
No, no, it's all good.
You're doing great.
286
00:11:04,488 --> 00:11:05,911
I couldn't do the show without you.
287
00:11:05,912 --> 00:11:06,947
Aww.
288
00:11:06,948 --> 00:11:08,280
- That was it, right?
- Mm-hmm.
289
00:11:08,281 --> 00:11:09,947
Yeah, I just did it.
290
00:11:09,948 --> 00:11:13,317
Oscar, I think we have a problem.
291
00:11:13,318 --> 00:11:14,107
What's going on?
292
00:11:14,108 --> 00:11:15,219
I was worried about Felix,
293
00:11:15,220 --> 00:11:17,027
so I did what any good
girlfriend would do.
294
00:11:17,028 --> 00:11:18,317
I snooped around the Internet
295
00:11:18,318 --> 00:11:19,817
to find out what he's hiding from me.
296
00:11:19,818 --> 00:11:21,241
He's got a wife and kids somewhere.
297
00:11:21,242 --> 00:11:22,687
I knew it.
298
00:11:22,688 --> 00:11:23,987
That's why he's always cleaning,
299
00:11:23,988 --> 00:11:26,027
he's got a dirty conscience.
300
00:11:26,028 --> 00:11:27,447
No.
301
00:11:27,448 --> 00:11:29,271
Oscar mentioned that he
was nationally ranked,
302
00:11:29,272 --> 00:11:30,737
so I did some digging and...
303
00:11:30,738 --> 00:11:32,857
I found this.
304
00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:36,147
It's a local newscast from 1984.
305
00:11:36,148 --> 00:11:38,027
This is Joyce Copello
306
00:11:38,028 --> 00:11:41,607
reporting from the Junior
State Chess Championships.
307
00:11:41,608 --> 00:11:43,647
It was supposed to be a board game,
308
00:11:43,648 --> 00:11:46,987
but in the end, no one was bored.
309
00:11:46,988 --> 00:11:50,737
It was all smiles as
the region's top players,
310
00:11:50,738 --> 00:11:52,897
Joshua Norwall and Felix Unger,
311
00:11:52,898 --> 00:11:54,397
prepared to do battle.
312
00:11:54,398 --> 00:11:55,737
Huh.
313
00:11:55,738 --> 00:11:58,777
Felix still has that tie.
314
00:11:58,778 --> 00:12:00,067
Aww.
315
00:12:00,068 --> 00:12:03,397
I did it again.
316
00:12:03,398 --> 00:12:05,021
Coming off 17 straight victories,
317
00:12:05,022 --> 00:12:08,202
Felix began the game with confidence.
318
00:12:09,948 --> 00:12:15,147
But a series of surprise
moves left him rattled...
319
00:12:15,148 --> 00:12:19,548
until finally, the
pressure took its toll.
320
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:29,857
Oscar, look what you've done.
321
00:12:29,858 --> 00:12:31,277
You've unleashed a monster!
322
00:12:31,278 --> 00:12:33,378
Mmm... mm!
323
00:12:35,448 --> 00:12:37,548
You also do that one a lot, too.
324
00:12:41,448 --> 00:12:42,987
Yeah. Nice try.
325
00:12:42,988 --> 00:12:44,857
Oh, queenside countergambit?
326
00:12:44,858 --> 00:12:45,958
Not on my watch.
327
00:12:47,318 --> 00:12:48,687
Oh, wow, was that move a joke?
328
00:12:48,688 --> 00:12:50,067
Are you a comedian?
329
00:12:50,068 --> 00:12:51,737
I didn't know I was playing Don Rickles.
330
00:12:51,738 --> 00:12:53,357
Felix?
331
00:12:53,358 --> 00:12:55,777
Oh, hey. What are you doing here?
332
00:12:55,778 --> 00:12:57,817
We need to talk.
333
00:12:57,818 --> 00:12:59,067
I'm kind of busy right now.
334
00:12:59,068 --> 00:13:00,687
Felix, there are plenty of ways
335
00:13:00,688 --> 00:13:02,147
for us to make money.
336
00:13:02,148 --> 00:13:03,817
Oh, I already made your back rent.
337
00:13:03,818 --> 00:13:05,187
Plus a little bit extra.
338
00:13:05,188 --> 00:13:07,708
Felix, I don't care about your money.
339
00:13:09,688 --> 00:13:12,777
Yeah, sweetie, I just
want you to come home.
340
00:13:12,778 --> 00:13:15,187
And to stop saying "king takes queen"
341
00:13:15,188 --> 00:13:17,248
whenever we... you know.
342
00:13:19,188 --> 00:13:21,107
I can't. I'm in training.
343
00:13:21,108 --> 00:13:23,277
I'm getting back into the
world of competitive chess.
344
00:13:23,278 --> 00:13:23,943
Really?
345
00:13:23,944 --> 00:13:24,607
Mm-hmm.
346
00:13:24,608 --> 00:13:26,237
But it's been such a long time.
347
00:13:26,238 --> 00:13:28,187
Yes, I know, but it's
all coming back to me.
348
00:13:28,188 --> 00:13:30,067
Just like I imagine
riding a bike would be.
349
00:13:30,068 --> 00:13:31,897
But it would help
350
00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:33,737
if somebody here could
give me a challenge.
351
00:13:33,738 --> 00:13:35,107
Check!
352
00:13:35,108 --> 00:13:36,397
Czechoslovakia!
353
00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:38,947
Anton Chekov.
354
00:13:38,948 --> 00:13:40,027
Check's in the mail.
355
00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:41,647
I got more puns than players!
356
00:13:41,648 --> 00:13:44,527
Felix... stop.
357
00:13:44,528 --> 00:13:46,147
We saw the video
358
00:13:46,148 --> 00:13:48,687
of your... meltdown
359
00:13:48,688 --> 00:13:49,898
at the chess tournament.
360
00:13:49,899 --> 00:13:51,107
You did?
361
00:13:51,108 --> 00:13:52,897
Plus, we saw this hilarious mash-up
362
00:13:52,898 --> 00:13:55,628
of you freaking out to
the tune of the "Macarena."
363
00:13:57,028 --> 00:13:59,647
Which was mean and hard to watch
364
00:13:59,648 --> 00:14:02,168
the... four times I watched it.
365
00:14:03,738 --> 00:14:05,067
We're just concerned
366
00:14:05,068 --> 00:14:06,817
that you might revert back to that.
367
00:14:06,818 --> 00:14:08,401
Well, you needn't worry.
368
00:14:08,402 --> 00:14:10,071
I was under a lot of pressure back then.
369
00:14:10,072 --> 00:14:11,187
But I can handle it now.
370
00:14:11,188 --> 00:14:12,607
I just don't understand.
371
00:14:12,608 --> 00:14:13,947
Why do you want this?
372
00:14:13,948 --> 00:14:15,527
Ever since that tournament,
373
00:14:15,528 --> 00:14:16,817
I wondered, what if?
374
00:14:16,818 --> 00:14:18,147
What if I had kept my cool?
375
00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:19,291
What if I had beaten Joshua?
376
00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:21,147
What might my life have become?
377
00:14:21,148 --> 00:14:22,771
I could have been
destined for greatness.
378
00:14:22,772 --> 00:14:24,147
I could be a household name
379
00:14:24,148 --> 00:14:26,378
like Magnus Carlsen or José Capablanca.
380
00:14:28,688 --> 00:14:31,148
Now, if you'll excuse me, I
have a lot of catching up to do.
381
00:14:32,568 --> 00:14:35,067
Listen, Emily, I've seen him
go through a lot of phases...
382
00:14:35,068 --> 00:14:38,548
jujitsu, falconry,
that stupid monocle...
383
00:14:39,688 --> 00:14:41,027
Maybe this is just something
384
00:14:41,028 --> 00:14:42,687
that he has to get out of his system.
385
00:14:42,688 --> 00:14:44,111
No, you don't get a do-over!
386
00:14:44,112 --> 00:14:45,487
This isn't chess camp!
387
00:14:47,028 --> 00:14:49,628
Oh, here come the waterworks!
388
00:14:51,907 --> 00:14:54,059
Also, we're gonna need a plan.
389
00:15:04,184 --> 00:15:05,723
Oh. Hello.
390
00:15:05,724 --> 00:15:07,626
Oscar, who's your friend?
391
00:15:07,627 --> 00:15:10,837
He's not here for Oscar.
392
00:15:10,838 --> 00:15:12,626
He's here for you.
393
00:15:12,627 --> 00:15:14,317
Oh, my God.
394
00:15:15,047 --> 00:15:15,836
Is it...
395
00:15:15,837 --> 00:15:16,956
Yes, it is.
396
00:15:16,957 --> 00:15:20,376
Joshua Norwall, your old chess opponent.
397
00:15:20,377 --> 00:15:21,756
Hey, Felix.
398
00:15:21,757 --> 00:15:23,126
Last time I saw you,
399
00:15:23,127 --> 00:15:25,017
you were having your little meltdown.
400
00:15:26,167 --> 00:15:27,586
Which I put on YouTube
401
00:15:27,587 --> 00:15:29,336
to the tune of the "Macarena."
402
00:15:30,217 --> 00:15:31,376
That was you?
403
00:15:31,377 --> 00:15:32,716
Yeah.
404
00:15:32,717 --> 00:15:34,317
Shame.
405
00:15:36,257 --> 00:15:37,477
Oscar, Emily, a word?
406
00:15:39,417 --> 00:15:41,046
What is he doing here?
407
00:15:41,047 --> 00:15:43,376
I tracked him down so you
could finally finish that game.
408
00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:44,520
Why would I want to do that?
409
00:15:44,521 --> 00:15:45,533
Because you always wondered
410
00:15:45,534 --> 00:15:47,336
what would life would be
like had you beaten Joshua.
411
00:15:47,337 --> 00:15:49,377
Yeah, maybe this will
finally give you some closure.
412
00:15:49,378 --> 00:15:50,547
No. This is ridiculous.
413
00:15:50,548 --> 00:15:51,876
I'm not playing him.
414
00:15:51,877 --> 00:15:54,477
I see history is repeating itself.
415
00:15:55,877 --> 00:15:57,416
Are your mom and dad
416
00:15:57,417 --> 00:16:00,086
gonna drape your winter
coat over your shoulders
417
00:16:00,087 --> 00:16:03,647
and escort you to your
wood-paneled station wagon?
418
00:16:05,167 --> 00:16:06,216
That's it.
419
00:16:06,217 --> 00:16:07,836
Game on, Josh.
420
00:16:07,837 --> 00:16:10,767
Ua. It's Josh-ua.
421
00:16:12,217 --> 00:16:14,216
Hey, Andre's here for his lesson.
422
00:16:14,217 --> 00:16:16,416
Oh, excellent. Change of plans, Andre.
423
00:16:16,417 --> 00:16:18,456
Today, we're taking a field trip...
424
00:16:18,457 --> 00:16:19,857
to the Museum of Whup-Ass.
425
00:16:21,217 --> 00:16:23,317
That sounds like a lot of walking.
426
00:16:24,257 --> 00:16:26,586
The only walking you'll see
427
00:16:26,587 --> 00:16:29,506
is me, on sunshine,
after I beat this clown.
428
00:16:29,507 --> 00:16:31,170
Oh, he's try trying
to get inside my head.
429
00:16:31,171 --> 00:16:32,336
A head he so covets
430
00:16:32,337 --> 00:16:33,997
because it's covered in beautiful hair.
431
00:16:35,127 --> 00:16:36,517
Burn!
432
00:16:37,757 --> 00:16:39,336
Ah, the Konikowski Gambit.
433
00:16:39,337 --> 00:16:41,376
Ooh-ooh, predictable as ever.
434
00:16:41,377 --> 00:16:43,296
As is your Sicilian Defense, Josh.
435
00:16:43,297 --> 00:16:46,006
Okay, ua! Josh-ua!
436
00:16:46,007 --> 00:16:49,357
God, I want to bully
them so bad right now.
437
00:16:50,457 --> 00:16:52,006
I've never had a stronger urge
438
00:16:52,007 --> 00:16:54,546
to give a grown man a wet willy.
439
00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:56,956
Oscar, what if Felix loses?
440
00:16:56,957 --> 00:16:59,416
Hey, have a little faith, will you?
441
00:16:59,417 --> 00:17:01,626
Ah, you fell right into my
Blackburn-Schilling Trap.
442
00:17:01,627 --> 00:17:03,046
I'm going to win!
443
00:17:03,047 --> 00:17:05,046
Andre, I'm going to win!
444
00:17:05,047 --> 00:17:06,477
Okay.
445
00:17:10,007 --> 00:17:11,506
Wait a second.
446
00:17:11,507 --> 00:17:14,126
Why would you expose your
queen so early in the match?
447
00:17:14,127 --> 00:17:15,456
I don't know.
448
00:17:15,457 --> 00:17:17,477
Dumb mistake, I guess.
449
00:17:20,007 --> 00:17:21,336
Oscar...
450
00:17:21,337 --> 00:17:23,216
did you tell him to lose?
451
00:17:23,217 --> 00:17:24,916
What? No.
452
00:17:24,917 --> 00:17:26,607
You're clearly better than this hack.
453
00:17:28,086 --> 00:17:29,710
Then why did you feel
the need to pay me?
454
00:17:29,711 --> 00:17:31,086
Oh, oops.
455
00:17:31,087 --> 00:17:33,086
You paid him to throw the game?
456
00:17:33,087 --> 00:17:34,416
Why?
457
00:17:34,417 --> 00:17:35,796
Because I'm worried about you.
458
00:17:35,797 --> 00:17:37,376
We all are.
459
00:17:37,377 --> 00:17:39,120
Well, you needn't be.
I know what I'm doing.
460
00:17:39,121 --> 00:17:39,961
Now let's play again,
461
00:17:39,962 --> 00:17:41,546
- for real this time.
- Oh, my pleasure.
462
00:17:41,547 --> 00:17:43,046
But I'm not giving the money back.
463
00:17:43,047 --> 00:17:44,817
I'm going to Space Camp.
464
00:17:46,417 --> 00:17:48,166
Well, I suppose we're out on the street,
465
00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:50,287
now that you blew our rent
money on this little stunt.
466
00:17:50,288 --> 00:17:51,703
Nope, I already paid the building.
467
00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:52,956
Well, how'd you pay him?
468
00:17:52,957 --> 00:17:55,357
Ua! Oops, sorry, I thought
you were gonna say "Josh."
469
00:17:58,457 --> 00:18:01,666
I sold my '69 Mets baseball.
470
00:18:01,667 --> 00:18:02,876
Okay, let's go, Unger.
471
00:18:02,877 --> 00:18:04,166
We don't have all...
472
00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:05,716
Ha-ha, ah, '69.
473
00:18:07,507 --> 00:18:10,017
Oscar, you loved that ball.
474
00:18:11,047 --> 00:18:13,937
You know what, Josh... ua?
475
00:18:16,087 --> 00:18:17,590
I don't think I want to play anymore.
476
00:18:17,591 --> 00:18:21,126
Uh... you mean you don't want to lose.
477
00:18:21,127 --> 00:18:23,166
No, I already won.
478
00:18:23,167 --> 00:18:26,456
I think that losing
years ago was a blessing.
479
00:18:26,457 --> 00:18:28,796
Because it led me to
the life that I have now.
480
00:18:28,797 --> 00:18:30,086
Okay.
481
00:18:30,087 --> 00:18:31,376
And what kind of life is that?
482
00:18:31,377 --> 00:18:33,086
The life of a chess has-been?
483
00:18:33,087 --> 00:18:34,350
I don't care about any of that.
484
00:18:34,351 --> 00:18:36,546
Uh, yeah, because you're not
485
00:18:36,547 --> 00:18:39,416
the Northeast Regional
Speed Chess Co-Champion
486
00:18:39,417 --> 00:18:42,557
for three unconsecutive years.
487
00:18:43,797 --> 00:18:45,506
And P.S.,
488
00:18:45,507 --> 00:18:46,586
the last tournament?
489
00:18:46,587 --> 00:18:48,626
Emceed by Al Roker.
490
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:51,107
So dreams do come true.
491
00:18:53,047 --> 00:18:54,456
You know what?
492
00:18:54,457 --> 00:18:56,456
I don't think I want
to play chess anymore.
493
00:18:56,457 --> 00:18:57,546
Oh, son...
494
00:18:57,547 --> 00:18:58,956
you don't want to play sports,
495
00:18:58,957 --> 00:19:00,586
you don't want to play chess...
496
00:19:00,587 --> 00:19:02,690
We gotta find something
that you're passionate about.
497
00:19:02,691 --> 00:19:03,626
I already found it.
498
00:19:03,627 --> 00:19:05,916
I want to dance.
499
00:19:12,507 --> 00:19:14,546
Oh! Hey!
500
00:19:14,547 --> 00:19:16,506
Oh, my God!
501
00:19:16,507 --> 00:19:18,006
Yeah, he's amazing, right?
502
00:19:18,007 --> 00:19:20,476
No, I left an unrinsed oatmeal bowl
503
00:19:20,477 --> 00:19:21,317
in Emily's sink!
504
00:19:33,331 --> 00:19:34,250
Seriously?
505
00:19:34,251 --> 00:19:36,670
It adds to my mystique.
506
00:19:36,671 --> 00:19:38,670
Oh, afternoon, Mr. Madison.
507
00:19:38,671 --> 00:19:41,290
Unauthorized roommate.
508
00:19:41,291 --> 00:19:44,290
Actually, Norman, we
just signed a new lease.
509
00:19:44,291 --> 00:19:46,160
Felix and I are legit tenants.
510
00:19:46,161 --> 00:19:48,370
That's right, we made it legal.
511
00:19:48,371 --> 00:19:49,450
Oh.
512
00:19:49,451 --> 00:19:51,620
Good for you.
513
00:19:51,621 --> 00:19:54,160
No, not...
514
00:19:54,161 --> 00:19:55,801
Okay, thanks.
515
00:19:57,911 --> 00:20:00,089
And, Norman, now that
I'm a full-fledged tenant,
516
00:20:00,090 --> 00:20:01,750
I hope that we could open up a dialogue.
517
00:20:01,751 --> 00:20:03,290
Sure. Why not?
518
00:20:03,291 --> 00:20:05,330
And to that end,
519
00:20:05,331 --> 00:20:07,330
I have put together a few pointers
520
00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:11,351
to help you achieve
excellence in doormanry.
521
00:20:13,041 --> 00:20:16,011
"Number one: Put some pep in your step.
522
00:20:17,201 --> 00:20:21,660
"Be a doorman, not a snore...
523
00:20:21,661 --> 00:20:23,511
man."
524
00:20:24,871 --> 00:20:26,591
Oh, my God.
525
00:20:27,831 --> 00:20:29,410
Thanks, Mr. Unger.
526
00:20:29,411 --> 00:20:30,870
Ooh, I also have a list.
527
00:20:30,871 --> 00:20:32,854
Maybe I could share that
with building management.
528
00:20:32,855 --> 00:20:35,580
Number one: You stealing
flowers from the lobby.
529
00:20:35,581 --> 00:20:37,250
I was removing carnations!
530
00:20:37,251 --> 00:20:39,221
They're a filler flower!
531
00:20:40,201 --> 00:20:41,950
Would you excuse us, please?
532
00:20:41,951 --> 00:20:43,660
Ah, ah...
533
00:20:43,661 --> 00:20:47,091
You have yourself a royal day.
534
00:20:48,291 --> 00:20:50,292
I know, I know, I know.
535
00:20:51,526 --> 00:20:57,872
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