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1
00:00:35,701 --> 00:00:39,160
If you're planning on
kissing me, please don't.
2
00:00:39,161 --> 00:00:40,610
Oscar.
3
00:00:40,611 --> 00:00:42,530
You're not supposed to
be home for two hours.
4
00:00:42,531 --> 00:00:45,490
And you were only supposed
to live here for a few days.
5
00:00:45,491 --> 00:00:47,160
Oscar, just clear out of here.
6
00:00:47,161 --> 00:00:48,700
Emily's on her way up here
7
00:00:48,701 --> 00:00:50,244
to celebrate our two-week anniversary.
8
00:00:51,491 --> 00:00:53,274
And now I've got to
re-petal the rose cannon.
9
00:00:53,275 --> 00:00:55,700
Where do you even rent a rose cannon?
10
00:00:55,701 --> 00:00:57,820
I have no idea where you'd rent one.
11
00:00:57,821 --> 00:01:00,761
You can buy one at
Cupid's Armory on 85th.
12
00:01:01,781 --> 00:01:03,490
Oh, my God, Felix.
13
00:01:03,491 --> 00:01:05,610
Will you stop going
overboard with all this stuff?
14
00:01:05,611 --> 00:01:07,160
What are you talking about?
15
00:01:07,161 --> 00:01:08,944
Your one-week anniversary...
when I came home
16
00:01:08,945 --> 00:01:12,530
and found you wearing a
thong made of whipped cream?
17
00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:14,360
I put a sock on the door knob.
18
00:01:14,361 --> 00:01:16,740
You put a sock in the wrong place.
19
00:01:16,741 --> 00:01:19,700
Well, I'm sorry that you
find our young love upsetting.
20
00:01:19,701 --> 00:01:23,700
Young love? Your combined
age is almost 100.
21
00:01:23,701 --> 00:01:26,780
Look, I'm very happy for you and Emily.
22
00:01:26,781 --> 00:01:28,280
But she's here all the time
23
00:01:28,281 --> 00:01:30,530
and you guys are constantly canoodling.
24
00:01:30,531 --> 00:01:34,240
And look at that... you got me
saying the word "canoodling".
25
00:01:34,241 --> 00:01:35,660
Well, I live here too.
26
00:01:35,661 --> 00:01:37,530
Yes, and Emily lives two floors down,
27
00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:40,421
so can't you shoot off
your love cannon down there?
28
00:01:43,201 --> 00:01:46,400
Not what I meant, but still works.
29
00:01:46,401 --> 00:01:47,900
Fine, we'll give you the entire weekend.
30
00:01:47,901 --> 00:01:49,400
Just get out of here before
she gets here, please.
31
00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:50,664
And close the door all the way,
32
00:01:50,665 --> 00:01:52,530
I have to re-rig all the effects.
33
00:01:52,531 --> 00:01:53,834
And hands off the whipped cream.
34
00:01:53,835 --> 00:01:55,515
I'm having pie later.
35
00:02:10,451 --> 00:02:12,551
Damn it, Oscar!
36
00:02:27,344 --> 00:02:34,444
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
37
00:02:35,352 --> 00:02:36,526
Oscar's right.
38
00:02:36,527 --> 00:02:37,856
We've been so in our own world
39
00:02:37,857 --> 00:02:39,709
we haven't taken his
feelings into account.
40
00:02:39,710 --> 00:02:41,670
We have to start thinking
about other people.
41
00:02:41,671 --> 00:02:42,959
But when I'm with you,
42
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:44,709
it's like other people don't exist.
43
00:02:44,710 --> 00:02:47,409
Then maybe you should stop
inviting other people to lunch.
44
00:02:47,410 --> 00:02:49,169
Sorry, Dani.
45
00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:51,560
In our defense, we completely
forgot you were here.
46
00:02:52,580 --> 00:02:54,959
I guess if Oscar needs his space,
47
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:58,169
we could spend the weekend at my place.
48
00:02:58,170 --> 00:02:59,459
Oh. Sure.
49
00:02:59,460 --> 00:03:00,749
First time for everything.
50
00:03:00,750 --> 00:03:02,789
Wait, what do you mean, first time?
51
00:03:02,790 --> 00:03:06,289
Well, we haven't actually
spent a whole night together.
52
00:03:06,290 --> 00:03:08,499
Really? But you have...
53
00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:09,763
Dani, that is between me and...
54
00:03:09,764 --> 00:03:11,369
19 times.
55
00:03:11,370 --> 00:03:13,499
So what's the big deal?
56
00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:14,789
I don't know, It's just that
57
00:03:14,790 --> 00:03:16,909
everything's been so perfect, you know?
58
00:03:16,910 --> 00:03:19,579
But sleeping over changes things.
59
00:03:19,580 --> 00:03:21,499
You-you see each other
without their makeup.
60
00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:22,789
Snoring.
61
00:03:22,790 --> 00:03:24,539
Drooling in their sleep.
62
00:03:24,540 --> 00:03:25,829
Which is a medical condition
63
00:03:25,830 --> 00:03:28,709
and something you can't be blamed for.
64
00:03:28,710 --> 00:03:29,869
What's wrong with you guys?
65
00:03:29,870 --> 00:03:31,499
This is the best part...
66
00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:33,209
when you get to know each other.
67
00:03:33,210 --> 00:03:35,033
Anybody can love you
when you're at your best.
68
00:03:35,034 --> 00:03:38,579
What you want is someone who
can appreciate the real you.
69
00:03:38,580 --> 00:03:40,459
I don't know, Felix. You think you could
70
00:03:40,460 --> 00:03:42,369
still like me, warts and all?
71
00:03:42,370 --> 00:03:43,789
Of course I would.
72
00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:46,249
That's just an expression, right?
73
00:03:46,250 --> 00:03:48,329
It's just... I have so many quirks.
74
00:03:48,330 --> 00:03:49,579
What if you think I'm crazy?
75
00:03:49,580 --> 00:03:50,999
Oh, please. I have so many quirks,
76
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,560
in high school they
called me Captain Quirk.
77
00:03:54,370 --> 00:03:55,789
And not in a nice way.
78
00:03:55,790 --> 00:03:56,999
Aw.
79
00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:00,539
Ugh.
80
00:04:00,540 --> 00:04:02,539
Hey, Murph. Am I catching
you between girls?
81
00:04:02,540 --> 00:04:05,289
Oh, no, but if you had come
over last night you would have.
82
00:04:05,290 --> 00:04:07,909
Wait, really?
83
00:04:07,910 --> 00:04:09,539
So what's up?
84
00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:11,749
Well, I got the apartment
to myself this weekend.
85
00:04:11,750 --> 00:04:13,293
I'm thinking of throwing a huge party.
86
00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:14,709
Like we used to in the old days?
87
00:04:14,710 --> 00:04:15,893
Yeah, before Felix came along
88
00:04:15,894 --> 00:04:18,789
and vacuumed all the fun out of my life.
89
00:04:18,790 --> 00:04:20,369
Hell yeah.
90
00:04:20,370 --> 00:04:22,033
You remember that New
Year's Eve in Miami?
91
00:04:22,034 --> 00:04:22,290
No.
92
00:04:22,291 --> 00:04:22,999
Me neither.
93
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:24,749
Let's do that again.
94
00:04:24,750 --> 00:04:26,539
This one's gonna be even bigger.
95
00:04:26,540 --> 00:04:28,709
A 24-hour bash. It'll
be like a telethon,
96
00:04:28,710 --> 00:04:30,619
only we won't be helping anybody.
97
00:04:30,620 --> 00:04:32,709
You sure you can still keep
up? It's been a long time
98
00:04:32,710 --> 00:04:34,369
since you set that keg stand record.
99
00:04:34,370 --> 00:04:35,669
Hey, I may be in my early 40s,
100
00:04:35,670 --> 00:04:38,220
but I've the heart
of a 21-year-old girl.
101
00:04:41,250 --> 00:04:43,209
I don't know why I said "girl".
102
00:04:43,210 --> 00:04:45,209
Well, uh, c-can I invite anybody?
103
00:04:45,210 --> 00:04:46,789
Are you kidding? Invite everybody.
104
00:04:46,790 --> 00:04:48,169
Invite the girls from last night.
105
00:04:48,170 --> 00:04:49,909
Oh, yeah, I-I can't. They got mad at me
106
00:04:49,910 --> 00:04:51,533
when they caught me
with two other girls.
107
00:04:52,460 --> 00:04:54,369
Wait, really?
108
00:04:54,370 --> 00:04:57,156
Okay, I got to get food, alcohol,
109
00:04:57,157 --> 00:04:59,407
and you get ready for
a night of debauchery.
110
00:04:59,408 --> 00:05:01,077
Bows and arrows indoors?
111
00:05:01,078 --> 00:05:03,548
This party's gonna be off the hook.
112
00:05:22,275 --> 00:05:25,495
Mm. Well, I'm off to Emily's.
113
00:05:28,145 --> 00:05:29,974
You got enough stuff
for one night there?
114
00:05:29,975 --> 00:05:32,014
Just a few essentials...
eye mask, nasal strip,
115
00:05:32,015 --> 00:05:34,774
uh, special pillow,
selection of sleep fragrances.
116
00:05:34,775 --> 00:05:37,358
Do you suppose Emily has a mister?
117
00:05:37,359 --> 00:05:39,149
Sure doesn't seem like it.
118
00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:42,979
Jolly.
119
00:05:42,980 --> 00:05:47,149
All right, let's get this party started.
120
00:05:48,940 --> 00:05:50,938
Teddy, what's with the name tag?
121
00:05:50,939 --> 00:05:53,149
Oh, I told my wife I'm
with my favorite client
122
00:05:53,150 --> 00:05:54,439
at Agent Con.
123
00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:56,269
Of course, the biggest agent con
124
00:05:56,270 --> 00:05:59,319
was me convincing my wife
there actually is an Agent Con.
125
00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:02,569
Well, Oscar, I hope you have fun
with your booze and your bimbos.
126
00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:04,109
Oh, I will.
127
00:06:04,110 --> 00:06:05,710
I was being sarcastic,
because I actually
128
00:06:05,711 --> 00:06:06,934
think you're better than that.
129
00:06:06,935 --> 00:06:07,803
Oh, I'm not.
130
00:06:09,270 --> 00:06:11,229
Just promise me you won't spill
anything and take your feet
131
00:06:11,230 --> 00:06:13,213
off of the coffee table,
I just had it refinished,
132
00:06:13,214 --> 00:06:14,694
and for God's sake, use coasters.
133
00:06:19,940 --> 00:06:22,149
Teddy, I'm counting on you
134
00:06:22,150 --> 00:06:23,653
- to be the responsible one.
- Uh-huh.
135
00:06:23,654 --> 00:06:25,069
You think this wall can pass
136
00:06:25,070 --> 00:06:27,580
for a conference room
at a airport Marriott?
137
00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:32,939
Welcome, ladies.
138
00:06:32,940 --> 00:06:35,649
Do I know how to throw
an Agent Con or what?
139
00:06:35,650 --> 00:06:37,069
Hey, you know, if Felix and Emily
140
00:06:37,070 --> 00:06:38,359
keep heading down this path,
141
00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:40,029
they may eventually move in together.
142
00:06:40,030 --> 00:06:41,944
And this could be your future.
143
00:06:41,945 --> 00:06:45,564
Stop it, Teddy, you're
gonna make me cry.
144
00:06:45,565 --> 00:06:47,694
All right, people, Dani is here.
145
00:06:47,695 --> 00:06:49,278
Oh, I didn't think you were gonna come.
146
00:06:49,279 --> 00:06:50,524
Why not?
147
00:06:50,525 --> 00:06:53,654
Well, maybe because I didn't invite you?
148
00:06:53,655 --> 00:06:55,654
Right. Because you think I'm some sweet,
149
00:06:55,655 --> 00:06:56,984
churchgoing, Goody Two-shoes.
150
00:06:56,985 --> 00:06:59,694
No. Kind of.
151
00:06:59,695 --> 00:07:00,755
Yeah, exactly that.
152
00:07:00,756 --> 00:07:01,814
Let me just
153
00:07:01,815 --> 00:07:03,895
tell you something. Just
because I like the Good Book
154
00:07:03,896 --> 00:07:05,999
- doesn't mean I don't like a good time.
- All right.
155
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,944
Teddy, I hope you're
ready for Wild Dani.
156
00:07:07,945 --> 00:07:10,734
Oh, have you not met Wild Dani?
157
00:07:10,735 --> 00:07:12,638
- No, I don't think I have...
- No you have not,
158
00:07:12,639 --> 00:07:13,694
because you cannot handle
159
00:07:13,695 --> 00:07:15,734
Wild Dani. Uh-uh.
160
00:07:15,735 --> 00:07:19,505
Everybody, strap yourselves
in, because here she comes.
161
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:25,654
Oh, okay, that-that's got
a little bit of a kick.
162
00:07:25,655 --> 00:07:27,194
Uh, y'all-y'all carry on,
163
00:07:27,195 --> 00:07:29,465
Wild Dani's gonna have herself a sit.
164
00:07:35,815 --> 00:07:39,564
Wow. If they gave out
Academy Awards for sex...
165
00:07:39,565 --> 00:07:42,125
You would be getting an
Oscar instead of a Felix.
166
00:07:45,695 --> 00:07:46,570
Well.
167
00:07:46,571 --> 00:07:47,444
Well.
168
00:07:47,445 --> 00:07:48,070
Well.
169
00:07:48,071 --> 00:07:48,694
Here we go.
170
00:07:48,695 --> 00:07:50,194
This is usually the part
171
00:07:50,195 --> 00:07:53,024
where we kiss good night
and go our separate ways.
172
00:07:53,025 --> 00:07:54,864
Yup. Not tonight.
173
00:07:54,865 --> 00:07:56,734
Tonight we expose our true selves.
174
00:07:56,735 --> 00:07:58,564
A peek behind the curtains, if you will.
175
00:07:58,565 --> 00:08:00,228
Speaking of, I peeked
behind your curtains
176
00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:02,329
and somebody is getting a
Dustbuster for Christmas.
177
00:08:05,025 --> 00:08:06,090
Okay.
178
00:08:06,091 --> 00:08:07,154
Um,
179
00:08:07,155 --> 00:08:09,524
I hope that you don't mind,
but, um, I'm kind of used
180
00:08:09,525 --> 00:08:12,564
to sleeping farthest
from the door. You know...
181
00:08:12,565 --> 00:08:15,234
in case of murderers.
182
00:08:15,235 --> 00:08:17,654
Quirk.
183
00:08:17,655 --> 00:08:19,734
You know, that is actually perfect,
184
00:08:19,735 --> 00:08:22,814
because I like to be closest to the door
185
00:08:22,815 --> 00:08:23,710
in case of fires.
186
00:08:23,711 --> 00:08:24,604
Oh, well,
187
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:26,734
look at us.
188
00:08:26,735 --> 00:08:29,064
We both have our things and they totally
189
00:08:29,065 --> 00:08:31,165
go together.
190
00:08:34,485 --> 00:08:36,444
Whew. You sure brought a lot of stuff.
191
00:08:36,445 --> 00:08:37,984
What's that?
192
00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:40,024
Oh, this is, uh, my white noise machine.
193
00:08:40,025 --> 00:08:42,604
We could fall asleep to the
sound of rain or the ocean
194
00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:44,484
or birds chirping in the treetops.
195
00:08:44,485 --> 00:08:46,565
- Oh.
- Oh... seems like the battery is dead.
196
00:08:46,566 --> 00:08:48,229
Oh, I think I have a
battery that would...
197
00:08:48,230 --> 00:08:50,130
I mean, no I don't.
198
00:08:54,105 --> 00:08:55,484
Oh, what's that?
199
00:08:55,485 --> 00:08:57,944
My humidifier. What's that?
200
00:08:57,945 --> 00:09:00,875
My... dehumidifier.
201
00:09:03,105 --> 00:09:05,705
Huh.
202
00:09:07,105 --> 00:09:08,604
Should I turn mine off?
203
00:09:08,605 --> 00:09:09,604
I mean, I won't be able to sleep, but...
204
00:09:09,605 --> 00:09:11,024
I mean, I would turn mine off,
205
00:09:11,025 --> 00:09:13,545
but the moisture would
close my throat, so...
206
00:09:14,775 --> 00:09:16,864
I guess we could try
207
00:09:16,865 --> 00:09:18,734
putting them both on low.
208
00:09:18,735 --> 00:09:20,104
Great.
209
00:09:20,105 --> 00:09:22,104
And hope we don't start
a tornado over the bed.
210
00:09:24,275 --> 00:09:26,545
Speaking of two warm fronts colliding...
211
00:09:35,985 --> 00:09:38,984
Yes, I did go to high school with him.
212
00:09:38,985 --> 00:09:41,524
Say hi to your dad for me.
213
00:09:41,525 --> 00:09:43,154
Oh, hey,
214
00:09:43,155 --> 00:09:46,774
Oscar, some of the guys want
to throw stuff off the balcony.
215
00:09:46,775 --> 00:09:48,904
What? Murph, no, we're 21 stories up.
216
00:09:48,905 --> 00:09:50,104
You're gonna kill someone.
217
00:09:50,105 --> 00:09:52,154
What about paper airplanes?
218
00:09:52,155 --> 00:09:53,904
They'd give me a ticket for littering.
219
00:09:53,905 --> 00:09:56,904
What if we lit 'em on
fire so they'd burn up
220
00:09:56,905 --> 00:09:58,705
before they hit the ground?
221
00:09:59,985 --> 00:10:02,314
I see no flaw in that plan.
222
00:10:02,315 --> 00:10:03,984
Well done, Murph.
223
00:10:03,985 --> 00:10:06,705
I swear, I'm way smarter when I'm drunk.
224
00:10:07,655 --> 00:10:10,524
I think you might be right.
225
00:10:10,525 --> 00:10:11,654
Bad news, Oscar.
226
00:10:11,655 --> 00:10:13,064
We're running low on punch.
227
00:10:13,065 --> 00:10:14,795
Oh. How much do we have left?
228
00:10:16,695 --> 00:10:18,944
About a foot.
229
00:10:18,945 --> 00:10:21,255
Damn. I wish we had more alcohol.
230
00:10:23,775 --> 00:10:25,734
Quick. Make another wish.
231
00:10:25,735 --> 00:10:27,814
Hot woman in lingerie!
232
00:10:32,735 --> 00:10:34,774
Aw, damn, I think you're out of wishes.
233
00:10:34,775 --> 00:10:36,694
What are you doing here, Felix?
234
00:10:36,695 --> 00:10:37,814
Just grabbing a sweater.
235
00:10:37,815 --> 00:10:39,274
Turns out Emily likes her thermostat
236
00:10:39,275 --> 00:10:41,375
set to "Santa's meat locker."
237
00:10:42,985 --> 00:10:45,984
Whoo! Yeah! Wild Dani loves this song!
238
00:10:45,985 --> 00:10:47,274
Whoo.
239
00:10:47,275 --> 00:10:49,375
Whoo...
240
00:10:50,865 --> 00:10:52,814
Looks like your assistant
is down for the count.
241
00:10:52,815 --> 00:10:54,038
How many of those has she had?
242
00:10:54,039 --> 00:10:55,774
Including the one in her hand?
243
00:10:55,775 --> 00:10:57,154
One.
244
00:10:57,155 --> 00:11:00,984
I turn my back and the
old Oscar just reappears.
245
00:11:00,985 --> 00:11:02,234
Don't lecture me, Felix.
246
00:11:02,235 --> 00:11:04,064
For a year, I've tried to evolve you
247
00:11:04,065 --> 00:11:06,654
from Primitive Cave Oscar
into something more refined,
248
00:11:06,655 --> 00:11:08,654
but it seems like I have failed.
249
00:11:08,655 --> 00:11:11,005
Well, you know, the
poet Longfellow once...
250
00:11:12,865 --> 00:11:14,194
Awesome party, buddy.
251
00:11:14,195 --> 00:11:15,944
Yeah, it's been great,
252
00:11:15,945 --> 00:11:17,984
but it's getting a little
late, and I was thinking
253
00:11:17,985 --> 00:11:20,008
maybe we should wrap things
up before the neighbors
254
00:11:20,009 --> 00:11:20,800
start to complain.
255
00:11:20,801 --> 00:11:21,694
What? I got a limo
256
00:11:21,695 --> 00:11:25,154
full of backup dancers
on the way over here.
257
00:11:25,155 --> 00:11:28,835
They are like regular dancers
but with way lower self-esteem.
258
00:11:30,065 --> 00:11:32,984
Who's ready to get this party started!
259
00:11:34,111 --> 00:11:35,234
Yeah!
260
00:11:35,235 --> 00:11:37,024
Wait, it...
261
00:11:37,025 --> 00:11:38,875
hasn't started yet?
262
00:12:01,761 --> 00:12:02,864
Emily, what are you doing?
263
00:12:02,865 --> 00:12:04,944
Nothing. I was just...
264
00:12:04,945 --> 00:12:07,064
moving this... chair.
265
00:12:07,065 --> 00:12:08,064
Why?
266
00:12:08,065 --> 00:12:11,005
Just a little late-night cardio.
267
00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:14,404
Okay.
268
00:12:14,405 --> 00:12:16,734
I block the door at night
to keep out the murderers.
269
00:12:16,735 --> 00:12:18,404
I know that it's weird, but...
270
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:20,274
it's just one of my things.
271
00:12:20,275 --> 00:12:21,904
It's okay.
272
00:12:21,905 --> 00:12:23,154
I totally get it.
273
00:12:23,155 --> 00:12:23,905
You do?
274
00:12:23,906 --> 00:12:24,755
I do.
275
00:12:36,155 --> 00:12:38,024
The thing is, now I can't sleep.
276
00:12:38,025 --> 00:12:39,090
Wh-What are you doing?
277
00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:40,154
Well, in your haste
278
00:12:40,155 --> 00:12:41,814
to protect us from
nonexistent murderers,
279
00:12:41,815 --> 00:12:43,814
you have also blocked
our only fire exit.
280
00:12:43,815 --> 00:12:46,024
And I'm sure you will
agree that clear egress
281
00:12:46,025 --> 00:12:47,065
is more important, so...
282
00:12:47,066 --> 00:12:48,104
Felix.
283
00:12:48,105 --> 00:12:50,064
There is not going to be a fire.
284
00:12:51,105 --> 00:12:52,984
Fire right there!
285
00:12:52,985 --> 00:12:54,314
Fire!
286
00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:55,904
Felix,
287
00:12:55,905 --> 00:12:57,274
you're trying to scare me.
288
00:12:57,275 --> 00:12:59,364
I'm not trying to scare you.
289
00:12:59,365 --> 00:13:01,944
But it's silly to be
worried about murderers...
290
00:13:01,945 --> 00:13:04,904
when statistically,
we're 44 times more likely
291
00:13:04,905 --> 00:13:08,194
to be burned alive in a fire.
292
00:13:08,195 --> 00:13:10,864
Oh. So I'm being silly?
293
00:13:10,865 --> 00:13:14,024
Only statistically.
294
00:13:14,025 --> 00:13:16,024
Well, fortunately,
295
00:13:16,025 --> 00:13:18,154
you'll be safe, because it's...
296
00:13:18,155 --> 00:13:19,944
too wet on your side of the room
297
00:13:19,945 --> 00:13:22,524
for a fire to actually
take hold, Mister...
298
00:13:22,525 --> 00:13:24,314
Humidifier at Full Blast.
299
00:13:24,315 --> 00:13:25,484
Well, don't come crying
300
00:13:25,485 --> 00:13:27,064
to me when your side of the bed
301
00:13:27,065 --> 00:13:28,364
goes up like dry kindling!
302
00:13:28,365 --> 00:13:31,064
You wouldn't save me in a fire?
303
00:13:31,065 --> 00:13:33,024
That's not what I said, but
while we're on the subject,
304
00:13:33,025 --> 00:13:35,364
I like that you get to sleep
on the far side of the bed
305
00:13:35,365 --> 00:13:37,468
so that the murderers can
get to me first. Real nice.
306
00:13:37,469 --> 00:13:39,984
So you admit that there is a murderer.
307
00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:41,194
I'm being hypothetical!
308
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:43,194
Don't worry, because he will drown
309
00:13:43,195 --> 00:13:45,024
before he gets to you.
310
00:13:45,025 --> 00:13:48,005
Then there's no reason...
to move the chair!
311
00:13:49,365 --> 00:13:51,404
You know what? This isn't working.
312
00:13:51,405 --> 00:13:52,485
Maybe you should just go.
313
00:13:52,486 --> 00:13:53,564
Maybe I should.
314
00:13:53,565 --> 00:13:55,588
But I don't know where. I
can't go back to Oscar's.
315
00:13:55,589 --> 00:13:56,864
I don't care where you go.
316
00:13:56,865 --> 00:13:58,274
Just leave so I can get some sleep
317
00:13:58,275 --> 00:13:59,338
without your-your machines
318
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:01,104
and your breathing exercises.
319
00:14:01,105 --> 00:14:03,864
Or your throat rattling, or
your crazy, irrational fears.
320
00:14:03,865 --> 00:14:05,904
I'm irrational?
321
00:14:05,905 --> 00:14:08,875
You have a second aid kid.
322
00:14:11,655 --> 00:14:14,755
In case the first one fails.
323
00:14:35,983 --> 00:14:38,833
Oh, God, I hope it's the police.
324
00:14:40,743 --> 00:14:42,763
Hi. How are you?
325
00:14:45,573 --> 00:14:47,572
Ha! Check me out!
326
00:14:47,573 --> 00:14:49,122
I'm one of those ancient sheet guys!
327
00:14:50,743 --> 00:14:53,702
Murph! What the hell?
328
00:14:53,703 --> 00:14:56,242
Yeah, I know, dude... a horse
would've been way cooler,
329
00:14:56,243 --> 00:14:59,202
but the cop refused to get off of it.
330
00:14:59,203 --> 00:15:01,872
Do you know what would happen to
me if the condo board saw this?
331
00:15:01,873 --> 00:15:04,133
You got to get this
thing out of here now.
332
00:15:05,123 --> 00:15:07,072
Fine, fine.
333
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:08,593
Hyah!
334
00:15:11,203 --> 00:15:12,372
I'm sorry, man.
335
00:15:12,373 --> 00:15:14,372
Thought you wanted a wild party.
336
00:15:14,373 --> 00:15:16,742
I do. I... do.
337
00:15:16,743 --> 00:15:18,912
Just admit it... this isn't you anymore.
338
00:15:18,913 --> 00:15:21,412
What are you trying to say,
Teddy, that I'm getting old?
339
00:15:21,413 --> 00:15:23,742
No. But maybe this is
getting old... which is okay.
340
00:15:23,743 --> 00:15:25,532
You've moved on; you're more mature.
341
00:15:25,533 --> 00:15:27,513
No, I'm not. Shut up! You're mature!
342
00:15:28,703 --> 00:15:31,344
In fact, watch me break
my keg stand record.
343
00:15:31,345 --> 00:15:33,184
Murph, spot me!
344
00:15:33,185 --> 00:15:35,304
Oh, I gotcha, buddy.
345
00:15:35,305 --> 00:15:38,684
Oscar! Oscar! Oscar!
346
00:15:38,685 --> 00:15:40,224
Oscar! Oscar!
347
00:15:40,225 --> 00:15:41,884
Oh, ladies! You made it!
348
00:15:46,385 --> 00:15:48,094
Uh...
349
00:15:48,095 --> 00:15:49,594
Oscar, you-you all right?
350
00:15:49,595 --> 00:15:52,155
Let's call it a night.
351
00:15:53,225 --> 00:15:55,445
Also, let's call 911.
352
00:16:00,435 --> 00:16:02,245
No, no, Dani. I'll get it.
353
00:16:06,845 --> 00:16:08,668
Oscar, she kicked me
out. Can I stay with you?
354
00:16:08,669 --> 00:16:12,684
How come good history
never repeats itself?
355
00:16:12,685 --> 00:16:14,264
I'm sorry.
356
00:16:14,265 --> 00:16:16,008
I know you wanted the
apartment to yourself,
357
00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:18,529
so I've been pacing in the
elevator... short paces.
358
00:16:20,305 --> 00:16:21,514
Wow.
359
00:16:21,515 --> 00:16:22,745
You're actually cleaning up.
360
00:16:23,515 --> 00:16:24,804
With my pants.
361
00:16:24,805 --> 00:16:26,884
Yeah, they really sop up beer.
362
00:16:26,885 --> 00:16:29,384
But don't worry, I'm gonna
fold them when I'm done.
363
00:16:29,385 --> 00:16:31,264
What happened to the party?
364
00:16:31,265 --> 00:16:32,804
I broke it up.
365
00:16:32,805 --> 00:16:35,594
Turns out I can't party
all night like I used to.
366
00:16:35,595 --> 00:16:36,844
And you know who I blame?
367
00:16:36,845 --> 00:16:38,264
You.
368
00:16:38,265 --> 00:16:39,224
Why me?
369
00:16:39,225 --> 00:16:40,764
When you first came here,
370
00:16:40,765 --> 00:16:41,554
you were a wreck.
371
00:16:41,555 --> 00:16:44,073
But now you've got a girlfriend,
372
00:16:44,074 --> 00:16:45,953
you're moving forward.
373
00:16:45,954 --> 00:16:48,413
And look at me:
374
00:16:48,414 --> 00:16:49,783
the first chance I get,
375
00:16:49,784 --> 00:16:51,804
I go running back to who I was.
376
00:16:52,864 --> 00:16:54,203
But the problem is,
377
00:16:54,204 --> 00:16:55,823
I can't go running back to who I was,
378
00:16:55,824 --> 00:16:57,823
because I think I've
grown up a little bit, too.
379
00:16:57,824 --> 00:16:59,123
So...
380
00:16:59,124 --> 00:17:01,743
thanks a lot, you jerk.
381
00:17:01,744 --> 00:17:03,993
Sadly, that is the nicest thing
382
00:17:03,994 --> 00:17:05,743
that anybody has said to me tonight.
383
00:17:05,744 --> 00:17:06,783
Why? What happened?
384
00:17:06,784 --> 00:17:08,094
Well...
385
00:17:11,954 --> 00:17:14,783
Emily's got all these crazy things,
386
00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:16,123
and they butt up
against my crazy things,
387
00:17:16,124 --> 00:17:17,453
and then we both got embarrassed
388
00:17:17,454 --> 00:17:18,993
and defensive and it got ugly,
389
00:17:18,994 --> 00:17:20,743
and everything was
perfect and I ruined it.
390
00:17:20,744 --> 00:17:22,363
Nah, you didn't ruin anything.
391
00:17:22,364 --> 00:17:24,913
You're just finally getting
to know the real Emily.
392
00:17:24,914 --> 00:17:26,493
Oh, the real Emily?
393
00:17:26,494 --> 00:17:28,884
Who follows Hello Kitty on Twitter?
394
00:17:30,454 --> 00:17:33,323
You have to learn to accept her flaws.
395
00:17:33,324 --> 00:17:34,913
And who are we to judge?
396
00:17:34,914 --> 00:17:36,964
I follow Batman.
397
00:17:38,324 --> 00:17:40,823
But what if she can't
accept all of my weirdness?
398
00:17:40,824 --> 00:17:42,033
I mean, my ex couldn't.
399
00:17:42,034 --> 00:17:43,743
Well, there's no guarantees.
400
00:17:43,744 --> 00:17:46,224
You're both humans,
it's bound to get messy.
401
00:17:47,824 --> 00:17:49,243
You know how I am with mess, Oscar.
402
00:17:49,244 --> 00:17:50,993
Yes, I do.
403
00:17:50,994 --> 00:17:53,033
What if she won't take me
back? She was very upset.
404
00:17:53,034 --> 00:17:54,823
Of course she will.
405
00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:57,823
Just go back there and tell her...
406
00:17:57,824 --> 00:17:59,953
tell her you're there for her.
407
00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:02,464
Thank you, Oscar.
408
00:18:04,244 --> 00:18:05,453
Go get her, buddy.
409
00:18:06,870 --> 00:18:08,283
Whoa!
410
00:18:08,284 --> 00:18:10,224
Whoa...
411
00:18:13,074 --> 00:18:14,413
What happened?
412
00:18:14,414 --> 00:18:18,243
You don't remember doing all of this?
413
00:18:18,244 --> 00:18:21,863
Oh, Wild Dani, what'd you do, girl?
414
00:18:21,864 --> 00:18:23,453
Oh, I'm so sorry, Oscar.
415
00:18:23,454 --> 00:18:24,863
Let me clean it up.
416
00:18:24,864 --> 00:18:26,554
Well, if you insist. Good night.
417
00:18:34,534 --> 00:18:36,493
I'm here for you.
418
00:18:37,180 --> 00:18:37,863
Ah!
419
00:18:37,864 --> 00:18:39,366
Oh, Felix!
420
00:18:39,367 --> 00:18:40,363
I'm sorry!
421
00:18:40,364 --> 00:18:42,033
I'm so, so sorry!
422
00:18:42,034 --> 00:18:43,743
Oh, no...
423
00:18:43,744 --> 00:18:45,123
Are you okay?
424
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,953
Yes. I think you bruised
425
00:18:46,954 --> 00:18:48,934
- the part of my brain that senses pain.
- Oh...
426
00:18:50,124 --> 00:18:51,913
Well, in that case,
427
00:18:51,914 --> 00:18:54,823
I'm sorry for being such a neurotic mess
428
00:18:54,824 --> 00:18:56,243
and chasing you away.
429
00:18:56,244 --> 00:18:58,283
It's okay.
430
00:18:58,284 --> 00:19:00,203
In fact, it's better than okay,
431
00:19:00,204 --> 00:19:02,993
it's great, because it's not perfect,
432
00:19:02,994 --> 00:19:05,863
and maybe it's our lack of perfection
433
00:19:05,864 --> 00:19:07,844
that makes us so perfect.
434
00:19:09,034 --> 00:19:11,953
How hard did I hit you?
435
00:19:11,954 --> 00:19:13,413
I'm fine.
436
00:19:13,414 --> 00:19:15,323
I'm also a scared, neurotic mess,
437
00:19:15,324 --> 00:19:17,027
and I would like to
try this again, please.
438
00:19:17,028 --> 00:19:19,493
Me, too.
439
00:19:19,494 --> 00:19:21,453
Oh, where did I hurt you?
440
00:19:21,454 --> 00:19:23,243
Right there.
441
00:19:23,244 --> 00:19:26,719
Would you like me to
get your Second-Aid kit?
442
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:28,780
I think a kiss would
make it feel better.
443
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:39,740
It's okay.
444
00:19:53,113 --> 00:19:54,593
Good morning.
445
00:19:55,533 --> 00:19:56,572
Wow.
446
00:19:56,573 --> 00:19:57,902
The place looks amazing.
447
00:19:57,903 --> 00:20:00,202
Took me long enough.
448
00:20:00,203 --> 00:20:02,452
How'd things go with Emily?
449
00:20:02,453 --> 00:20:05,003
Well, she's a nutbag, Oscar.
450
00:20:06,663 --> 00:20:08,743
But she's an adorable nutbag
and she puts up with me,
451
00:20:08,744 --> 00:20:09,953
so what could be better?
452
00:20:09,954 --> 00:20:11,242
I'm glad to hear it.
453
00:20:11,243 --> 00:20:13,952
Wow, you really did a
bang-up job around here.
454
00:20:13,953 --> 00:20:15,862
Well, I learned from the best.
455
00:20:15,863 --> 00:20:17,612
And I have learned from you, my friend.
456
00:20:17,613 --> 00:20:19,702
It's because of you I am more tolerant
457
00:20:19,703 --> 00:20:21,952
and... dare I say it...
458
00:20:21,953 --> 00:20:23,673
a lot more laid back.
459
00:20:29,403 --> 00:20:31,632
Should've used a coaster.
460
00:20:32,033 --> 00:20:39,228
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