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1
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:04,042
So, what movie are
we watching tonight?
2
00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:06,268
Max is picking up
a movie on his way over.
3
00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:07,684
What? No!
4
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:09,435
It's going
to be French or Dutch
5
00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:12,583
or something that got nominated
for Best Costume.
6
00:00:12,580 --> 00:00:14,580
Oh, give him a chance.
7
00:00:14,582 --> 00:00:17,052
It's nice for us to do something
highbrow every once in awhile.
8
00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:19,591
I'm even serving my nine-dollar
bottle of wine.
9
00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:22,587
All I'm saying is
if he brings another movie
10
00:00:22,590 --> 00:00:25,490
starring a violin, I'm leaving.
11
00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:28,303
You guys are going to love
this documentary I got.
12
00:00:28,296 --> 00:00:30,396
There's this family
that's been making shoes
13
00:00:30,398 --> 00:00:33,228
for over 600 years in the same
small hamlet in Denmark.
14
00:00:35,069 --> 00:00:38,239
This is their story, as told
by their blind neighbor.
15
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,580
I can't do it.
16
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:42,775
MAX:
Guys,
17
00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:44,406
I'm kidding.
Would I do that to you?
18
00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:46,252
I rented Meatballs!
(all gasping)
19
00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:47,647
And got meatball subs.
20
00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:50,078
(cheering)
You did a theme night?
21
00:00:50,084 --> 00:00:51,594
Oh, my God.
I love you.
22
00:00:51,585 --> 00:00:52,645
I love him, too.
23
00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:54,363
I loved him first.
24
00:00:54,355 --> 00:00:56,155
Hey, guys.
What are we doing?
25
00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:58,087
Max brought a movie over
for movie night.
26
00:00:58,092 --> 00:00:59,832
Good night.
No, no, no!
27
00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:01,257
It's Meatballs.
28
00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:03,862
Good movie.
29
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:06,134
Hey, where's the baby?
I thought you were
bringing her over.
30
00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:08,344
I was going to, but
New Christine was feeding her.
31
00:01:08,336 --> 00:01:09,736
I'll bring her over next time.
32
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:11,567
Christine won't let you
hold the baby, will she?
33
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:13,712
What? Why would you say that?
34
00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:15,877
Of course not.
Did you talk to her?
35
00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:18,546
You know, a lot of new
mothers are overprotective.
36
00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:20,876
Yeah, remember how
I was with Ritchie?
Very protective.
37
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:23,221
I wouldn't let him
out of my sight.
Where is Ritchie?
38
00:01:23,217 --> 00:01:25,287
I think someone took him
to Disneyland.
39
00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:27,316
(phone ringing)
40
00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:29,661
Oh... I've got to take this.
41
00:01:29,657 --> 00:01:31,457
It's Tony. I won't be long.
42
00:01:31,459 --> 00:01:32,859
Set up the movie.
We better get watching
43
00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:34,860
if you also want to see...
44
00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:36,532
Meatballs 2.
45
00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:38,670
(cheering)
46
00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:40,826
I just love how he fits in
with our group.
47
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:42,904
That's not easy.
People hate us.
48
00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:45,543
I hate us.
49
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:46,839
What are his friends like?
50
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,380
I don't know.
I haven't met them yet.
51
00:01:48,376 --> 00:01:49,836
That's a little weird.
52
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:51,683
No, it's not.
53
00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:53,579
He just hasn't gotten around
to introducing me yet.
54
00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:55,381
He loves me.
Everything is perfect.
55
00:01:55,383 --> 00:01:57,393
And I'm sure he'll introduce me
to his friends soon.
56
00:01:57,385 --> 00:01:59,685
It's not like he's
embarrassed of me, you know?
57
00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:01,517
Why would he be
embarrassed of me?
58
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,226
Aah! Hot! Hot!
59
00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:06,632
Oh! That...!
60
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:16,404
Why are you registering
for gifts when
61
00:02:16,404 --> 00:02:18,244
you haven't even set a date
for your wedding yet?
62
00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:19,739
So people will know
what to bring me
63
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:21,380
at my surprise engagement party.
64
00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:25,476
Who's throwing you
a surprise engagement party?
65
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,219
You are.
66
00:02:28,316 --> 00:02:30,216
Surprise.
67
00:02:31,419 --> 00:02:33,289
I'm not throwing you a party.
68
00:02:33,287 --> 00:02:34,957
I'm busy.
I have a business to run.
69
00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:36,285
Your business.
70
00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:38,360
Oh, come on. Barb, please?
71
00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:40,629
I mean, I need to meet
Max's friends
72
00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:42,658
so he'll know that there's
nothing to be nervous about.
73
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:45,373
And you know what? If you do it,
then you can pick out
74
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:47,866
anything you want here
and I'll register for it.
75
00:02:50,804 --> 00:02:53,614
Fine, I'll take this
crystal peacock.
76
00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:56,577
You know how bad I always
wanted one of those.
77
00:02:57,978 --> 00:03:00,348
Okay, Matthew,
I'm going to need you
78
00:03:00,348 --> 00:03:02,848
to steal Max's phone,
and go into his contacts
79
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,850
and text all of his friends.
80
00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:06,892
And then, replace his phone
without him knowing.
81
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:08,857
And if you get caught,
you don't know me.
82
00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:12,628
I wish I didn't know you.
83
00:03:15,563 --> 00:03:18,633
Listen, I'm not helping
you with your crazy scheme.
84
00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:19,972
All right, fine.
85
00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,767
Then Max and I
won't get married
86
00:03:21,769 --> 00:03:23,769
and you and I can
grow old together.
87
00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:25,971
Okay, here's the plan.
88
00:03:25,973 --> 00:03:27,913
Every day, Max talks
with his mother
89
00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:29,308
between 11:00 and 12:00.
90
00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:31,280
His mother?
Oh, no.
91
00:03:31,279 --> 00:03:32,809
Yeah, and then he writes
in his journal
92
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:34,353
for about a half hour
after that.
93
00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:36,418
His journal? Oh, no.
94
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:37,887
Yeah, then he takes
a very long walk,
95
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:39,745
and he leaves his phone
behind him on his desk.
96
00:03:39,753 --> 00:03:41,763
That's when I'll get his
friends' numbers.
97
00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:44,015
You know, you could have just
told me the part about the walk.
98
00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:47,304
Yeah, and you could've
just asked to meet his friends.
99
00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:51,472
We don't do things the easy way.
100
00:03:57,438 --> 00:03:59,568
Wasn't expecting
this many people.
101
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,583
I figured Max had
as many friends
102
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,545
as Christine does, so I only
bought one pizza and a 12-pack.
103
00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:08,484
Oh, hey, you
brought the baby.
104
00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:09,982
If you brought any baby food,
105
00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:12,353
why don't you go ahead
and sit it out on the counter.
106
00:04:13,321 --> 00:04:15,621
We can use it as dip.
107
00:04:15,623 --> 00:04:17,363
Can I hold her?
108
00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:19,388
No. You can't even look at her.
109
00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:20,993
She's sleeping.
110
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:22,764
And she's a light sleeper.
111
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,433
The reason I know that is
because I'm her dad
112
00:04:24,432 --> 00:04:26,002
and I'm allowed to hold her.
113
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:29,804
(cell phone beeps)
114
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:32,843
Hey, everybody, Christine
is on her way up the driveway.
115
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:33,970
Should we yell "surprise"?
116
00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:35,744
No. You'll wake the baby.
117
00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:39,648
Oh, and if you already
had a slice of pizza,
118
00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:41,347
that's it.
119
00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:44,793
(gasping)
120
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:47,955
What did you guys do?
121
00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:51,593
We threw you a surprise
engagement party
122
00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:53,362
just like you asked.
123
00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:57,428
Max, look at what they did!
124
00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:59,931
All of our friends are here:
125
00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:02,973
Barb and Matthew and, and...
126
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:05,640
Well, that's all I know.
127
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,479
I texted all your favorites
128
00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:09,075
from your phone
and invited them.
129
00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:11,976
That explains why my Chinese
food delivery guy is here.
130
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,484
You knew about this?
131
00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:17,853
Yeah, well, I thought it
would be a great opportunity
132
00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:20,451
to meet some of your friends,
since you know all mine--
133
00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:22,694
Barb and Matthew and...
134
00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:26,762
Okay, well, we're here.
135
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,460
Let me, uh, introduce you.
Okay, oh!
136
00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:31,633
Is Tony here?
I want to meet your best friend.
137
00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:34,772
Uh, yeah, yeah, Tony's
talking to my locksmith.
138
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:36,968
Uh, I'll, I'll go get her.
139
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,970
"Her"?
140
00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:40,972
Tony's a girl?
141
00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:43,144
Now, don't freak out.
Men can be friends with women.
142
00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:44,953
No, I know, Matthew.
I'm not going to freak out.
143
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:46,605
I know men can be
friends with women.
144
00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:48,484
I have a lot of male friends.
145
00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:50,722
You and...
146
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,886
Christine, I would like
for you to meet Tony.
147
00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:56,588
Finally, I get
to meet Christine.
148
00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:58,660
I was starting to think
he was embarrassed of me.
149
00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:01,059
It is so nice to meet you.
I've heard, literally,
everything about you.
150
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,931
Oh, it is so nice
to meet you, too.
151
00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:05,430
I've heard, literally,
nothing about you.
152
00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:07,443
(laughing)
Well, good.
153
00:06:07,435 --> 00:06:09,465
Who wants to hear stories
about someone's ex-wife?
154
00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:13,865
Ex-what? What?
155
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:17,684
Tony's my ex-wife.
Did I not mention that?
156
00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:20,648
This is a good
surprise party.
157
00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:29,058
Max, can I pull you away
158
00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:31,456
from your ex-wife
just for a minute?
159
00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:32,829
You don't mind,
do you, Tony?
160
00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:34,456
Help yourself
to some pizza and beer.
161
00:06:34,462 --> 00:06:36,462
Ah, bup-bup-bup-bup-bup.
162
00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:41,070
Max!
163
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:43,898
What the hell?
What?
164
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:46,474
I cannot believe
that the person
165
00:06:46,474 --> 00:06:49,214
you are calling
every day is your ex-wife.
166
00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:51,009
You're not jealous of my
friendship with Tony,
167
00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:52,711
because that would be
really hypocritical.
168
00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:54,053
You have conversations
with your ex-husband
169
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,877
while we're having sex.
170
00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:58,793
Oh, well, come on,
I needed him to TiVo something.
171
00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:01,988
I-I just, I just think
172
00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:04,489
that it's weird that
you didn't mention it.
173
00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:07,162
Okay, look, I was avoiding
having you two meet,
174
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:10,860
because I was afraid
you wouldn't get along.
175
00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:13,574
What?! I get along
with everybody.
176
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:15,497
Ask any of my friend.
177
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:19,170
It's not you.
178
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:20,572
Tony's not easy.
179
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:22,084
You know, she's intimidating.
180
00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:24,605
She's trilingual.
She's a published author.
181
00:07:24,612 --> 00:07:26,852
She got her first
PhD when she was 19.
182
00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:29,877
So what? I got my first
period when I was 14.
183
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:36,564
Well, she's finally
met her match.
184
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,787
Yeah, and you know,
just so you know,
185
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:42,032
I did trilingual
once in college, too,
186
00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:44,869
but it's not something
that I go bragging
about at parties.
187
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:49,170
Marly and Lindsay,
188
00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:50,269
what are you doing here?
189
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:52,070
Well, we were invited.
190
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:53,612
Barb called us and told
us to show up at 7:00
191
00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:55,237
and bring our own peacock.
192
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,180
Oh, and look, Lindsay,
the party
193
00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:00,678
is just as lovely
as the invitation.
194
00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:04,175
What's my locksmith
doing here?
195
00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:07,219
What could they
be talking about
196
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:09,020
this whole time?
197
00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:10,862
I mean, Max and I
can't get through
198
00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:12,658
three minutes of
conversation
199
00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:15,130
without one of us putting a
hand down the other's pants.
200
00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:17,998
You two have
something special.
201
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,998
You really think so, Barb?
202
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,670
Yeah, I won't shake
either of your hands.
203
00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:24,940
I mean, what could be so
interesting over there?
204
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:26,638
Why are you just
standing here?
205
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,180
Go and get in on it.
206
00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,835
Go show that woman
where your hand belongs.
207
00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:35,918
MARLY:
Richard?
208
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,846
What's going on?
What are you wearing?
209
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,251
What's happening
on your front?
210
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:41,892
This is my baby.
211
00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:44,929
Wow, I've never seen
a white man hold
a baby before.
212
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,600
W-Why are you doing it?
213
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:51,156
Because I'm allowed to.
214
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:52,774
Because I'm her dad
215
00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:54,266
and New Christine totally
trusts me with her.
216
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:56,337
Um, it was a
rhetorical question.
217
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:57,736
I'm only talking to you
'cause my locksmith's
218
00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,868
in the bathroom, so...
219
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,613
Oh...
220
00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:10,015
Okay, what's going on?
221
00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:11,617
I have faked
enough pregnancies
222
00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:12,849
to know when
something's up.
223
00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:14,723
What are you talking about?
224
00:09:14,722 --> 00:09:16,622
Nothing's up.
She's sleeping.
225
00:09:16,624 --> 00:09:19,294
Oh, gross.
Oh, no. What?
226
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,332
Boy... Hey... look,
don't tell anyone.
227
00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:23,198
New Christine doesn't
trust me with the baby.
228
00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:25,166
I wouldn't even trust
you with a doll.
229
00:09:26,834 --> 00:09:28,844
I'm just tired of people
making fun of me,
230
00:09:28,836 --> 00:09:32,006
so I brought this fake one
to show what a good dad I am.
231
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:33,835
Oh.
Perfect plan.
232
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:36,908
No, you're wrong.
233
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:38,780
Once the prefrontal
cortex has developed,
234
00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:40,779
there's no changing the
synapse structures
of the brain.
235
00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,381
I mean, how can you
possibly believe
236
00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:44,182
that psychotherapy
can change physiology?
237
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:46,894
Show me your research.
I've shown
you my research.
238
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:49,087
The New England Journal
of Medicine has shown
you their research.
239
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:51,089
You are so stubborn.
240
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,131
Hey, what are you guys
talking about?
Ah, nothing.
241
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:54,726
Something incredibly boring.
242
00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:56,928
Oh, I doubt that.
What is it?
243
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,970
The physical manifestations
of psychotherapy
244
00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:01,026
on the structures
of the cerebral cortex.
245
00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:03,174
Boring?
What, are you kidding me?
246
00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:06,210
I just read an article
about that on my AOL home page.
247
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:08,076
Really, because
248
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:09,875
I'd be interested
in your opinion.
249
00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:12,307
Do you think that
cognitive behavioral therapy
250
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:14,412
is capable of changing
the brain's physiology?
251
00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:19,054
Well, I personally believe
that the brain
252
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:21,862
is a complicated
situation, such as...
253
00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:28,303
that doesn't exist with therapy
and the like, such as...
254
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:31,665
physiology and the like, so...
255
00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:38,810
Good job, sweetie.
256
00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:44,384
Hey, Barb,
this party sucks.
257
00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:48,417
Hey, I almost spent
$16 on this party.
258
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,892
I just made a complete
fool of myself.
259
00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:57,088
I had no idea what they
were talking about.
260
00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:58,830
They were using
all these big words
261
00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:00,856
like "cortex"
and "such as."
262
00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:05,470
I know that that Tony was
doing it on purpose.
263
00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:08,165
She was trying to make me
look bad in front of Max.
264
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,198
Well, why do you
let her do that to you?
265
00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:12,843
Well, because I don't know
anything about psychology,
266
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,810
and science and the like.
267
00:11:16,744 --> 00:11:18,254
And why should you?
268
00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:20,045
That's what they do
for a living.
269
00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:22,047
Go talk about something
you know.
270
00:11:22,049 --> 00:11:24,349
Yeah. (scoffs)
271
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:27,121
You can say what you want
about Russell,
272
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:31,860
but never has a player in
the history of Survivor
273
00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:36,099
found three immunity idols
without a single clue, okay?
274
00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:37,896
And I will even go
on record saying
275
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:39,468
that it is
never gonna happen again.
276
00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:40,866
Now, Amazing Race,
on the other hand, that...
277
00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:42,298
Um...
278
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:43,772
I'm gonna have to stop you
right there.
279
00:11:43,771 --> 00:11:44,841
I don't even own a TV.
280
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:47,368
What?! Oh, my God!
281
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:49,384
Who doesn't own a TV? Wow!
282
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:52,876
How do you keep up
with the Kardashians?
283
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,820
God, I don't think I could live
without my TV.
284
00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:57,516
Well, maybe you should
consider it.
285
00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:59,347
There have actually been
several studies...
286
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:00,852
Oh, here we go.
287
00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:02,864
She's gonna cite
the Feltheim study,
288
00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:04,856
which was flawed
from the get-go.
289
00:12:04,858 --> 00:12:05,888
It wasn't flawed.
290
00:12:05,893 --> 00:12:07,293
The studies clearly showed
291
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:08,334
there's a diminished
attention span
292
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:10,028
among children who watch
293
00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:11,800
more than three hours
of television a day.
294
00:12:11,799 --> 00:12:14,229
Did it say anything about people
who watch six hours?
295
00:12:15,903 --> 00:12:17,943
I think you're fine.
296
00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:21,436
* Uh-oh...
297
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:24,810
There you are.
298
00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:26,812
I've been looking for you
for ten minutes.
299
00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:29,324
Really? 'Cause I've been
out here for 45 minutes.
300
00:12:29,316 --> 00:12:31,076
Sorry.
301
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:34,154
Tony and I got
into a thing.
302
00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:36,264
She will never admit
she's wrong.
303
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:38,256
And since I'm never wrong,
304
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,388
there's no end
to the conversation. (laughs)
305
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:44,503
Really? Why don't you just have
sex with her then?
306
00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:46,497
What?
307
00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:47,969
What are you talking about?
308
00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:49,898
I don't want to sleep with Tony.
309
00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:52,173
When we were married, I didn't
want to sleep with Tony.
310
00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:54,172
We weren't compatible that way.
311
00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:56,284
Mostly she was a fantastic
Scrabble partner.
312
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:59,576
Oh, really? Well, then why don't
you have sex with her then?
313
00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:01,579
We're just friends.
314
00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:04,381
Well, I don't understand
315
00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:06,424
how you can like me
if you like her.
316
00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:07,449
We're so different.
317
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,064
It was a long time ago.
318
00:13:09,056 --> 00:13:10,916
We were in love
with each other's brains.
319
00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:12,494
That's where it ended.
320
00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:14,492
Oh, really? Then why don't
you have sex with her then?
321
00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:18,230
Christine...
322
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:22,102
I love you
and only you.
323
00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:25,272
And I want to sleep with you
and only you.
324
00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:29,907
I love you, too.
325
00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:32,280
I only want to sleep
with you, too.
326
00:13:32,279 --> 00:13:34,279
Although, I might be willing
327
00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:36,421
to give trilingual
one more shot.
328
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:38,146
(both laugh)
329
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,351
Mmm. Come on.
330
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:40,922
I'm sorry. I just...
331
00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:42,591
I get, you know,
a little insecure.
332
00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:44,019
You don't have to be.
333
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:46,534
I like you
exactly the way you are.
334
00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:49,026
I couldn't care less
if you're smart.
335
00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:56,267
Christine's gonna be happy.
336
00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:57,909
She got five corkscrews.
337
00:13:57,905 --> 00:13:58,935
No, she won't.
338
00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:01,539
She registered for 15.
339
00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:04,011
Okay, I think I'm
gonna take off.
340
00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:05,311
Uh, I don't think so.
341
00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:07,282
You left your baby's head
on the chair.
342
00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:13,521
Oh, shoot!
343
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:21,955
All right,
this isn't the real baby.
344
00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:25,600
Are you sure?
345
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:28,298
Try taking the legs off
just to be safe.
346
00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:32,307
Okay, you were right.
347
00:14:32,305 --> 00:14:34,505
New Christine won't let me
hold the real baby.
348
00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:36,237
I feel useless.
349
00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:37,953
There's nothing for me to do.
350
00:14:37,945 --> 00:14:39,405
And the baby's on the boob
all the time.
351
00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:40,982
That's where I used to be!
352
00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:42,251
What are you talking about?
353
00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:44,179
You were great with Ritchie.
354
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:46,424
You were the only one who could
ever get him to stop crying.
355
00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:48,019
How did you do that?
356
00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:50,091
I used to use
my famous burrito wrap.
357
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:52,090
You wrap them up real tight
in a blanket.
358
00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:53,462
It puts them right to sleep.
359
00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:55,200
I was good at it
360
00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:57,055
because in high school I used
to work at Taco Bell.
361
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:00,965
I never understood
why that works.
362
00:15:00,968 --> 00:15:03,198
It makes 'em
feel safe.
363
00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:05,673
I wonder if I still
know how to do it.
364
00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:08,042
I know you start
with a triangle.
365
00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:10,509
There we go.
366
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:13,080
Who can I practice on?
367
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:15,420
I'll do it.
368
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:18,185
I haven't felt safe
since I lost my gun permit.
369
00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:23,264
Okay, let's see.
370
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:29,526
This folds across here,
and this tucks in under there.
371
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:32,069
Yeah, it's all
coming back to me.
372
00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:33,395
Hey, you know what?
373
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:36,000
This feels nice.
374
00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:39,113
I'm just gonna close my eyes
for a second.
375
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,017
That doesn't count.
376
00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:50,616
She had six beers.
377
00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:54,485
Okay, let me wrap you then.
378
00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:57,717
All right, but I guarantee
it won't do anything.
379
00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:02,199
Lie down right in there.
Okay.
380
00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:04,395
This folds across
381
00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:09,237
like that; this comes here
like that, and that...
382
00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:12,136
and there we go.
383
00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:16,179
All right, I'm gonna close
my eyes, just to humor you.
384
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:29,460
What happened to them?
385
00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:31,556
They've been Taco Bell'd.
386
00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:37,499
I bet if I still worked there,
I'd be assistant manager by now.
387
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,529
I can't wait
to show New Christine.
388
00:16:43,403 --> 00:16:44,773
Is everything okay?
389
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:48,111
Yeah, I'm just glad
that party's over.
390
00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:50,608
I hate Max's friends.
391
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:52,780
Hey, do you think I'm dumb?
392
00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:55,079
(baby-talking):
Oh, look who's up!
393
00:17:01,288 --> 00:17:03,188
Hello, beautiful girl! Hello!
394
00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:06,230
Hello!
It's your Auntie Christine!
395
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:09,830
Christine, that's a fake baby.
396
00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:11,499
What?
397
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:19,540
Oh, no.
398
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,509
I am dumb.
399
00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:29,153
Hey! Somebody looks beautiful.
400
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:30,619
Me.
401
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,520
Tony called this morning,
raving about you.
402
00:17:35,522 --> 00:17:37,122
She had a great
time last night.
403
00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:38,534
She's even thinking
about buying a TV.
404
00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:40,385
Oh, that's great.
405
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:43,133
If I can change one person's
mind about television,
406
00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:44,560
it's all been worth it.
407
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,234
(chuckles)
She really liked you.
408
00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,503
She thought you were funny--
which you are.
409
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,740
Funny and smart.
Absolutely.
410
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:51,566
In fact, you're a whole lot
smarter than you need to be,
411
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,411
considering how adorable
you are.
412
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,276
What does that mean?
413
00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:57,875
It means cute, charming, pretty.
414
00:17:57,877 --> 00:18:00,577
No, I know what adorable means.
415
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:02,450
Do you think
I'm as smart as Tony?
416
00:18:02,449 --> 00:18:04,519
I'm not even
as smart as Tony.
417
00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:05,847
You think
I'm as smart as you?
418
00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:07,392
I don't know. Who cares?
419
00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:08,417
I care.
420
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:10,321
It's important to me
421
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:12,263
that you see me
as your intellectual equal,
422
00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:15,159
because I was in a marriage
where that wasn't the case,
423
00:18:15,162 --> 00:18:16,732
and it didn't
work out very well.
424
00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:19,169
Oh, come on.
You're at least as
smart as Richard.
425
00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,337
I know!
426
00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:24,335
I'm saying that I was the
smarter one...
427
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:25,867
Oh, yes, yes!
428
00:18:25,872 --> 00:18:28,612
You're definitely smarter
than Richard.
429
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:32,878
Listen, Max, I need you
to know that I am smart,
430
00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:36,779
because what's adorable now is
gonna become irritating later.
431
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:38,853
Really. You're gonna start
rolling your eyes
432
00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:40,521
when I start talking.
433
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,860
You're gonna be thinking
"dumb-ass" in your head.
434
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:45,885
And pretty soon, you'll start
saying "dumb-ass" out loud.
435
00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:48,632
I would never do that.
436
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,498
Yeah, I didn't think
I would either,
437
00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:52,727
until I was married a dumb-ass.
438
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:57,474
Christine, how would we even
measure who's smarter?
439
00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:00,535
By counting diplomas?
440
00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:03,410
Three: Harvard, UCLA and
Columbia, but who cares?
441
00:19:03,410 --> 00:19:06,510
And-And-And I.Q. numbers
don't mean anything--
442
00:19:06,513 --> 00:19:08,723
158-- and I,
you know, I might be,
443
00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:10,915
you know, a little more
well-read than you.
444
00:19:10,917 --> 00:19:13,317
I probably understand
politics a little better.
445
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:14,820
My vocabulary...
446
00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,391
Okay, I get it.
447
00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:17,789
But I don't care
about any of that.
448
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:19,730
I love you.
449
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:21,826
I don't care if you know things
or you understand my work
450
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,228
or if you know
what a mammal is.
451
00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:26,971
Okay, I said...
452
00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:29,266
I said I get it, okay?
453
00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:30,699
Ugh!
454
00:19:30,703 --> 00:19:32,443
Oh, I don't think I can
go through with this.
455
00:19:32,439 --> 00:19:33,669
Oh, God,
what are you saying?
456
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:34,813
You're breaking up
with me?
457
00:19:34,807 --> 00:19:36,977
No, dumb-ass, I'm saying...
458
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:39,976
that I am not ready
to marry you yet.
459
00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:42,379
You know, meeting Tony
made me realize
460
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:44,382
that I'm not living up
to my full potential.
461
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:46,854
And I don't want to marry you
until you're as interested
462
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:50,323
in what I can do with my brain
as what I can do with my body.
463
00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:51,793
In that department,
you are definitely
464
00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:53,461
living up to your potential.
465
00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:56,598
Listen, I think
466
00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:58,396
that I'm going to go
back to college.
467
00:19:58,398 --> 00:20:00,568
You don't have
to do that for me.
468
00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:02,367
It's not for you.
469
00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:04,669
It's for "I" this time.
470
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:11,939
A couple of classes
couldn't hurt.
471
00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:18,717
( Survivor style theme
plays on TV)
472
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,288
Okay, you guys,
473
00:20:20,287 --> 00:20:22,287
enjoy this now,
because I am about
474
00:20:22,289 --> 00:20:23,789
to become a serious person.
475
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:26,360
I was with you in college
the first time.
476
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:28,659
Your nickname was
"Pants Party."
477
00:20:31,298 --> 00:20:33,798
Those were the best six years
of my life.
478
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,440
Well, I think
it's great.
479
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:37,035
Do you know what
you're gonna study?
480
00:20:37,036 --> 00:20:39,436
Maybe engineering.
481
00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:41,869
Train travel's so romantic.
482
00:20:44,677 --> 00:20:46,447
Well, good luck to
you, Pants Party.
33240
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