All language subtitles for The New Addams Family S02E09 The Addams Policy

Perfect for bat watching.

Was that a Thompson's
long-tongue fruit bat?

I believe you're right, darling.

Look, up in the sky.

It's a Townsend's Big Eared Bat.

No, it's a Greater Bulldog Bat.

No, it's... Faster?

Professor Old Man, what are you doing up
there? I'm testing out my new bat wings.

It's the only way to fly. How do I look?

Exactly like the rare,
bald-headed, small-eared,

fungus-feeding bat. Watch out for those!

You should stick to
flying the old-fashioned way.

You're right.

Being fired out of a cannon is much safer.

I've got a delivery here
for the Addams Family.

This?

Uh, here you go. Flowers.

Could you sign here, please?

Oh, how thoughtful.

What a gaudy, tasteless vase.

Yes, but who would fill it
with all these dreadful flowers?

It's from our insurance agent, Mr.
Fielding. He's thanking us for all our business.

I guess those flowers are
his idea of a little joke.

Lurch, please get rid
of these awful things.

Wait, Lurch, allow me. I just
got my new disintegration ray,

and I'm dying to try it out.

Esther, shouldn't you... Morticia, please.

I'm a fully licensed disintegration
specialist. I know this baby inside and out.

It must be a dead battery.

Or maybe you're holding it backwards.

Ah, Mr. Fielding!

Thank you for coming so quickly.

We had a mishap with our bear.

What bear?

Exactly. The foyer
looks so empty without it.

There's absolutely nothing to
welcome visitors to our home.

Fester accidentally disintegrated it.

An accident?

Well, your homeowner's
policy will cover that.

If you could just provide me with
an estimate of the bear's value,

I'll issue you a check right now. A check?

But I thought we had a replacement policy.

Well, yes, you get the
replacement value of the damaged item.

Oh, we don't want money.

We have lots of money.

We want a new bear.

Because that we don't have.

Without a bear, the
foyer looks, well, bare.

All I'm authorized to offer you is a tank.

Well, in that case, we may
as well cancel our policy.

Oh, no! My commission!

I mean, my mission will
be to find you a new bear.

It really brightens up that corner, don't
you think? Billy, please, turn that off!

I'm afraid it clashes with our
design theme of early American gloom.

Do you have anything else?

I'm afraid it just doesn't
replace our beloved bear.

How about I stand here like this?

Actually, Morticia and I
have discussed the matter,

and we've decided that a
replacement won't be necessary.

You're going to take the check?

No, no, you can keep the money. We're
going to find a new bear ourselves.

But where? I've already
looked all over town.

There's your first
mistake. Bears prefer the woods.

We haven't been camping in so long.

This way we can kill
two birds with one stone.

We do want a bear, Doc.

Oh, good point, Kanita.

I'll bring two stones. You can't
kill a bear. Isn't that dangerous?

I ask as a friend, of course, not as the
proprietor of the company that insures you.

Dear Mr. Fielding, we were
just speaking metaphorically.

Thank goodness.

We're bringing back our bear, alive.

Alive?

Let's see what's left.

Sleeping bag.

Check.

Snack bike kit.

Check.

Well, that should do it.

Everything a modern outdoorsman needs for
excitement and danger in the wilderness.

What about the bug spray?

How could I forget?

There. Now we're ready.

Darling, are you
wearing insect attractant?

No, it's my new aftershave.

Make way, make way, coming through.

You heard? Lurch, we're
going camping for a couple

of days. Spy on the
children, wouldn't you?

Make sure they spoil their
appetites and tend to their chores.

The weed garden hasn't
been poisoned in days.

And if anything should happen to
us... Nothing is going to happen to you.

I'm going to make sure of that. Mr.
Fielding, it's kind of you to offer,

but you don't need to join us.

Oh, yes, I do.

Between the two of you, you
have $20 million in life insurance

with a triple indemnity
payout for death by wild animals.

I can't afford to let you go alone.

What a completely selfish and greedy
motive for imposing on our outing.

Welcome to the team!

I sure hope all this
pollen aggravates my allergies.

Wait a minute. I think I've
worn out all the rocks in my boot.

Anybody see any big jagged rocks around?

I can't go on without one. Why go on?

It's so desolate, foreboding,
and uncomfortable right here.

Excellent choice, Querida. There
are plenty of bear tracks everywhere,

a big hill full of biting ants, and
it's low enough to flood in case it rains.

It's the perfect spot to set up camp.

Mama, we'll pitch the tent right here.

Wait!

Wait!

Wait for me!

Oh, Mr. Fielding. We were
beginning to think you'd

been eaten by something.
Come, let's set up camp.

Wait!

Well, let's go inside and unpack.

Isn't that tent awfully small? You
should have seen it a minute ago.

How are we all going to fit inside?

I must apologize. I'm afraid you'll
have to share a room with Fester.

I get the top bunk. I'm a restless
sleeper, and it's a bigger fall.

I don't know.

Now, where did I put those cigars?

Ah, Billy Goldman, make yourself at home.

Ah, here they are.

This is amazing. Yes,
Lurch knows just what to pack.

Except he forgot to
tarnish the silver again.

Gomez, are you going to be
comfortable in that soft plush chair?

Well, you're roughing it.

That's more like it.

You shouldn't be playing with that. Oh no!

You wrecked Father's favorite engine.

He hates it when I break his
things without letting him help.

You know what he's going to
do to you now, don't you?

You don't mean...
You're going to Disneyland.

What are you gentlemen whistling?

I'm carving a Tibetan
talisman to ward off evil.

A pointy stick.

Oh, that looks like fun, darling.

It is. There's nothing
more relaxing than taking

a sharp knife to a
defenseless piece of wood.

May I try?

Please.

That's all right. Thank you, darling.

Not bad, Querida. But we're
going to be five for lunch.

You're not really going to try to
catch a bear with those, are you?

Of course not.

That wouldn't be very
sporting. These are for me.

I got one. I did it.

Oh, bears look a lot
smaller in the wild, don't they?

That's not a bear.

That's a bee.

Exactly. And bees make
honey, which bears like.

One whiff of this bee, and
bears will be flocking to our tent.

Get it off.

I'm allergic. Don't worry. It
won't sting. It's the queen.

The queen never stings.

Really? Of course not. She
leaves that to the rest of the swarm.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Do you really think we'll raise enough
money to replace Butler's engine this way?

Not if you keep eating the inventory.

Isn't this cute? A big sale.

How much for a cupcake?

That's ridiculous.

You kids are out of your mind.

Thanks. It runs in the family.

Two dollars?

Slowly, they opened the door.

And when they turned on the light,
there was nothing left but a bloody stop.

They ran for their very lives,

their screams fading into the
night like the whisper of the wind.

I love a good ghost story, don't you?

Oh, thank you, Uncle
Spector. Boom, chilling as always.

Anytime, my dear.

Dinner's ready!

Charge to perfection, Mama.

Maybe I'll just go to bed.

What was that? Sounds like 600 pounds of
ferocious man-eating black bear. Come on,

everybody, let's go get him.

You can't go out there.

It's too dark.

Good point.

Boy, am I glad you came along.

Last one out is Bear
Chow. Oh, I hope he's hungry.

This place looks strangely familiar.

Well, that sneaky bear, he's been
leading us in circles all night.

I like his style. Well, I
guess we'll never catch him.

We might as well just go home.

Shh, we don't want to scare him off again.

Here, berry, berry, bear.

I've got some yummy honey
for you. There he is! Wait!

You're not really going to try
to catch him, are you? Of course!

Why do you think we left the
comforts of home to endure

all the hardships of the sunshine and
fresh air? I can't let you do this!

Get away from here!

Run!

Now you've made him mad.
Gomez, Mr. Feeling is our guest.

How thoughtless and rude of
me. You can wrestle him first.

Wrestle? Hair? Me? No!

Good luck, old man. Save some for
us. He's giving him a bear hug.

Lucky guy. Feeling, old
man. You're wearing him

down. Now, in the next
round, go for his head.

He's got a glass jaw.

And lead with your left. He's a
southpaw. Maybe this will help.

You're not supposed to drink it.
It's a free spell for the bear.

You just have to get it
in his eyes. Well, bear?

Eyes?

I told you it would
work. Well done, Fielding.

Home? Now? Please?

Thanks for trying,
Wednesday, but it's no use.

Father's going to be so
disappointed in me. But think it of yourself.

What about me? I'll have no one
to torture when I'm an only child.

I wrecked Father's prize engine, and we
couldn't raise enough money to replace it.

Look, Wednesday, Father has
a whole bunch of engines.

Now he'll never know that I
was playing with his trains.

Uh-oh.

A little more to the left.

A little more to the right.
A little more to the left.

A little more to the right.

Perfect, Lurch!

Mr. Fielding, thank you so much
for helping us replace our bear.

This just wouldn't be home without a
fierce animal threatening the threshold.

Don't mention it. Please.

Never again. Nonsense! We
owe you a debt of gratitude.

And I trust you'll be
raising our premiums.

Thank you, Mr. Adams.

This makes up for everything.

Almost.

Children?

There you are.

Did you get into any mischief
while we were going? Just the usual.

We didn't break Father's
train set and just finish

rebuilding it, if that's what you mean.

Nice bear.

Mr. Fielding caught him.

Really? How?

Well, it was quite the battle.

Man against beast.

I looked him in the eye, and he
knew from the start that he was a god.

This poison ivy will go nicely in the den.

It'll spruce things up and give
everyone a lovely rash at the same time.

Well, that's odd. I know
this isn't the way I left it.

I think someone's been
playing with my train set.

But who? We've been camping all weekend.

Pugsley. Pugsley!

Huxley, son!

Yes, father?

You were playing with my train set
while we were away, weren't you?

Uh, me?

Train set?

Uh, what makes you think that?

You put a munitions car
at the back of the train.

You'll never get a good
explosion that way. Let me show you.

My mistake.

Tish, better call Fielding.