Original subtitles

What a beautiful day for a picnic.

Where are we going, Uncle Fester? Down to the old abandoned pesticide factory.

That place is such an eyesore. It's not run down at all.

That's because it's a testament to modern architectural engineering

and built with some of the strongest materials available.

I wanted to see it once more before it's gone.

Why? What's going to happen to it?

After lunch, we're bringing it down.

Cool! You're going to use this stale old dynamite?

Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday.

Dynamite is like a fine vintage hemlock.

It's the Addams Family!

Welcome to the Addams Family, going to the Addams Family,

coming to the Addams Family now. Snap, snap! Ah, dude,

you certainly know how to put a new spin on an old dad.

Oh, Gomez, I love to unwind with you.

Ah, Carina, this is wonderful! I'd forgotten we had these old records.

Where did you ever pick them up from?

They were buried with great-uncle DJ. He always was the light of the party.

Until he died at that last one.

And I feel like a pizza.

Wow, you two really know how to cut a rug. Why, thank you.

Fester, how was your outing? Fantastic.

I wouldn't be surprised if Pugsley takes after me.

He has the Adam's nose for explosives.

Yes, he's going to grow up to be a real menace to society.

I hope Wednesday enjoyed herself as well.

It won't be long before she moves from engineering the collapse

of old buildings to masterminding the collapse of society.

They grew up so fast.

Are you sure this is the right house, Janet? Positive, sir.

I'm Donald Grump.

I understand someone from this house blew up my pesticide factory.

I didn't realize anyone was using it.

Don't apologize. I wanted it destroyed.

Excuse me, Mr. Grump. Sir.

Not now, Janet. I'm negotiating.

But I couldn't find anyone prepared to do the job for a reasonable price.

Oh, it's my pleasure. You don't have to pay me.

Nonsense.

I'm a businessman.

If I don't pay, how can I control you?

I have several other buildings I would like you to demolish.

Janet?

Good help is so hard to find.

And so easy to misplace.

You want me to demolish all of these buildings?

I think I love you.

I hope Confessor's business success doesn't go to his head.

Nonsense, Carina. And Addis would never put work above family.

No, no, no. Tomorrow's no good for me. It's vivisection night with the family.

Oh, yeah? Well, throw in a skyscraper and a toll bridge,

and you've got yourself a deal. Come on, Fester, let's go.

I've got the Coliseum booked at 2 o'clock for some hand-to-hand sparring.

Sorry, Gomez, I'll have to take a rain check. Maybe we can do lunch sometime. Lunch?

Or maybe a power breakfast. Why don't you have

your people call my people? You have people?

My person, Matt Snabbish. Matt Snabbish?

What can I do for you, I say?

Have you seen Ben?

And you are? I'm Gomez Adams. This is my lovely wife, Morticia.

And you're from?

The house.

You just missed him. What can I do for you?

Do you know when he'll be back?

Do I know?

F.A. doesn't go anywhere without my say-so. He returns early next week.

Would you like to schedule something?

I can pencil you in next Thursday at 10 a.m.

Demolition King Incorporated. This is Matt speaking.

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Well, we've got an opening 10 a.m. next Thursday. We'll see you then.

That was our appointment.

And you are?

I'm Gomez Adams. This is my lovely wife, Morticia.

Yeah, right.

Well, I'm afraid he's booked through the 23rd.

About next month. How about 7 p.m., Racquetball?

A month from now?

We'll take it!

I thought so.

And I knocked me down.

Buy, sell. No, you buy, you sell. Where's Fester?

Call you back.

You are... Gomez Adams.

I'm sorry, sir. He's in a meeting. But I have an appointment. Oh, right.

I'm sorry. He asked me to call your office and cancel. Sorry.

Oh, well, all right. These things happen. Yeah.

Hey!

Wait a minute!

I don't have an office, and Fester knows that! You're a liar!

And a good one at that.

Part of the job.

Fester was unavoidably detained. Would you like to reschedule? Yes!

I'd like to see him right now!

Nobody sees F.A. unless they go through me.

Was that supposed to... We've developed a solvent that will... Mister!

Gomez, please. You startled Iggy. It's all right,

my little Iggy Wiggy. What's going on here?

It's a board meeting. You're just in time to hear

the latest updates from research and development. Please, join us.

Carry on.

As we were saying, we developed a solvent that would

dissolve any material used in construction.

Huxley.

Observe closely.

Well, Tisha, who are these people?

I don't know. I think they came with the table.

You call that a solvent?

Where's the flames, the loud noises, the toxic fumes?

You're fired!

How's business? Are we losing money yet? I'm afraid not.

We keep making it faster than we spend it.

That was right. I'm surrounded by incompetence. You're fired!

Fired? I'm your mother. Ah, excuses, excuses.

Congratulations, Lurch. You're promoted.

Now we're going to have to enlarge the cubicle.

You're fired!

Hey, Gomez, what do you think of my new coat? Lester, you've changed.

I know. It's tailor-made.

Matt says the clothes make the man. By the way, this came for you.

Ooh!

Ooh, cigars! I'll call you back. Yeah, I had them

custom made. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Sorry, those are just for clients. That's okay, he's my brother.

Okay.

Fire up with Demolition King Incorporated!

Like Matt says, it pays to advertise.

Kaboom.

KFA, sign there and there. I've got another one right there. Sign that twice.

You know, Matt, all this is happening so fast,

I can't help but feel that I'm missing out on something.

I am one step ahead of you.

Who's this?

Marla, your second wife.

What happened to the first one? You're a busy man. You don't have time for that.

Oh, I love a man with a big bottom line.

Woo-hoo! Okay, I'll leave you kids alone to work out the prenup.

Yeah. Yes, but...

Oh, what sign are you? Thomas. I'm a Leo.

I've got this feeling that there's something I've forgotten to do.

Did you let the bats out?

Ah, that must be it.

Here, buddy, bat, bat, bat!

Better, darling?

No, I still have a feeling that there's something I've forgotten.

Did you tuck in and tie down the children?

Yes.

Did you feed Kitty Cat her bedtime snack?

50 pounds of raw warthog.

Did you formulate an elaborate scheme to remind Professor he's an Adams

and should forget the ridiculous notion of being

a captain of industry? By George, that's it!

And I know just how to do it.

You'll kidnap him.

Yeah. Okay. Mm-hmm.

That's good. I'll call you back.

Demolition King Corporate, a man speaking.

Hello.

Oh, who is this? Mr. Barracuda!

Mr. Barracuda! This is Mr. Halliburton!

This one is... This one is...

Why not?

Get some every time!

What's going on?

Where am I?

You are nowhere near the home you hold so dear. They have kidnapped you.

I'm an important tycoon!

A captain of industry!

Let me go! I've got work to do!

Goma!

I mean, Mr. Halbert. The prisoner wants to go to work.

Are you certain, Mr. Barracuda?

Do you really want to work all day?

Being businessman, making all that money?

Or would you rather play with explosives and electricity?

Wood?

Or black?

What was that second choice again?

Nice bump.

Gomez, Morticia. And you are? Matt Snabish, F.A. 's assistant.

And this is regarding? Have you seen F.A. ?

Why has he mysteriously disappeared without a trace?

Well, he was supposed to meet with the investors.

We're taking Demolition King Incorporated public in a major stock offering.

Maybe he was kidnapped. Kidnapped?

Don't be ridiculous. If it was worth a fortune,

a kidnapper would have left a ransom note. A ransom note?

What would one of those notes say?

You know, they usually leave $10 million at such

and such a place by such and such a time,

or you never see them alive again.

Maybe they forgot.

Please.

If someone went to all the trouble to kidnap F.A.,

I don't think they would have made that big of a mistake.

No.

Oh, my goodness.

He was kidnapped.

Yeah, it's me. Told you.

Listen, it's the sound of someone trying to reach you for a job.

I don't want to work. I want to play. Stop.

Stop.

Yeah.

Mr. Piranha, is everything okay?

Fine. I think we're making progress. Can I go now?

We will release you once the ransom is paid.

You'll never get away with this. Au contraire, mon ami.

Mr. Barracuda, that's French.

Wait a minute.

You two sound awfully familiar. Do I know you?

No!

I mean, no!

Have the kidnappers made any other attempts to contact you? I'll call you back.

No, Agent Bond.

Just the note.

But there had been a number of large charges on his corporate credit card.

That would be me.

Give me that.

Ah, the FBI is here.

Excellent.

Any clues?

I'm afraid not.

And you are?

Fester's eccentric brother, Gomez Adams. And this is my lovely wife, Mr. Barracuda.

I mean Morticia.

We'll do everything we can.

But I must warn you, whoever committed this crime is a cold-hearted,

ruthless villain. Thank you.

Okay.

What are you doing? Paying the ransom. If we don't get F.A. back safely,

then my stock options or Demolition King Incorporated would be worthless.

I'll deliver it.

I've got it! It's my brother!

Hit me!

Someone must like you.

The ransom?

What, hombre?

I was hoping you'd be able to start sending me back in tiny pieces.

We could do a couple of toes, couldn't we, Mr. Halibut? I

don't see why not, querida. Querida?

Gomez, is that you? What?

FBI, hold it right there. Put your hands in the air.

Oh, Matt, Agent Bond. How did you find us?

I put a tracking device in the briefcase so we could find the kidnappers.

I should have known this was an inside job. I'll call you back.

If you kept him blindfolded the whole time, why were you wearing disguises?

And, well, that's the reason we kidnapped Fester.

So I guess you're going to have to take us into the who's gal.

I hope we're done for supper.

You didn't commit any crime that I can tell.

What?

This is outrageous. I mean, they held him prisoner.

They kept him in that torture device. They hit me in the head.

Hello? You have to arrest someone.

What are you doing? You're under arrest. What? For filing a false kidnapping report.

I don't have time for this. I'm F.A. 's personal assistant.

You enjoy yourself in prison.

You're fired! Fired?

Why?

Well, paying the ransom too quickly was reason enough, but I've decided to retire.

Ooh. I came to my senses after some very effective and enjoyable shock treatments.

My stock options! Welcome back, Fester.

Retired? What about me? I wanted to be the wife of a tycoon

and travel around the world visiting exotic places.

Now we can do that together, my love. Together?

I wanted a husband who was working all the time

so I could go off by myself and have fun.

Goodbye, Fester. And I'm taking this ring you bought me.

When did I buy that? And the villa in Italy, and the Lamborghini, and this chair.

Oh, you don't want to sit in that.

It's the ejector chair.

She said she always wanted to travel.

So, Fester, old man, what are you going to

do with all the profits from your company?

There isn't any. Turns out Matt was embezzling from me.

I knew there was something about him I liked. He did leave all this inventory.

Fester, I thought you retired.

Oh, this isn't for business.

Like I said, it's not for business. It's strictly for pleasure. Whoa!