All language subtitles for The Collector - S03E03 - The Customer Service Rep

I just, I can't.

Because you don't trust me.

It's not you. I don't talk
about my life with anyone.

Morgan, I've known you for two years.

I saved your life last week. Doesn't
that take me out of the category of anyone?

I shouldn't have got you involved.

What are you saying?

You wish you died in a walk-in freezer so
that you wouldn't have to talk to me now?

Everyone who gets close to me gets hurt.

Is that what happened to her?

That's me.

Why don't you just say it?

It's because I was a
junkie, a whore, undamaged goods.

Maya, don't ever think that.

Then tell me what to think.

Yeah.

For God's sake, she used to
have sex with a woman already.

Do you have a name for
me? Pop a few Viagra.

Guaranteed to help you get
over those Catholic scruples.

Now, that wasn't nice.

Would you hang up on God?

Do you have a name for me?

In deedy duty, I do. A
giant among thinkers.

A philosopher king.
There was Plato. Nietzsche.

And now, Timothy Albert.

How can I help you?

You can do something
about my digital camera.

It broke the first time I tried to
use it. Look at this. It doesn't flash.

It doesn't display photos.
It's a useless piece of crap.

And your mart better
do something about it,

or I'm gonna take it and
shove it up your... Say cheese.

I gotta hand it to you, dude.
You picked a really good camera.

Only an incredibly sharp, savvy,

with it kind of guy like yourself
would choose a camera like this.

Thank you for shopping at
your mart. Please come again.

You're welcome.

Next.

Hey, birthday number seven. That
was a very good hair year for me.

But look at that cake.

What a disaster. Who made that?

Me.

What would you know?

You're only like seven.

So anyways, your birthday.
Tomorrow's the big 1-0, kid.

Double digits.

And I'm going to take the whole day off,
and we can do anything you want to do.

Just you and me.

Unless there's somebody
else you want to come.

I just want you to know no child was
loved more by hysterical always of you.

Yeah, I wish your mom and dad
could come too, but they'll be there.

Gabe, I know that this is your
first birthday with just me.

I'm not pretending. I mean, I know
they're both gone now, but we can be happy, too.

I want you to know that taking
care of you has made me happy.

Happier than I have ever been. So it's
bad, but something good came out of it, too.

Oh, no, thank you for
shopping at your mart.

I don't know how you do it.

Ten irate customers lined up at 9 a.m.
with busted appliances and bad attitudes,

and by 9.30, you've turned them all
into lifetime Yorn Marge shoppers.

Ah, well, don't thank
me. Thank Protagoras.

Fifth century BC, he
was one of the sophists.

He said, of all things, the measure is
man. Of the things that are, how they are.

And of the things that
are not, how they're not.

So, what does that mean? Well, Bernard,

it means that we create our own
reality by the way we perceive it.

And that's why I love your art.

I mean, here, all things are possible.

Everything's covered up in
shining glitz and attractive packaging.

And because we believe it makes us
happy, it does. Well, right now,

I perceive my dogs are barking.

So I gotta take a load off.

I told you I could fix those fallen
arches for you, Bernard. And a whole lot more,

too. You gotta believe me.

I could change your reality.

I figure life is what it is. But you
keep on thinking those good thoughts.

Protagorist.

Protagorist. No T.

Mr. Alpert?

Oh, call me Tim.

How can I help you?

You're the Timothy Alpert with a Ph.D.
in philosophy from Kingston University?

The same.

Well, then I'm actually here to help you.

Or try.

You know, I think I'm just about as
happy as I could ever be right now.

But I'm willing to give it a shot, always.

Lay it on me.

Eternal damnation or a
chance at redemption.

Theology, not my department. Hey, Lydia.

Hi, Tim.

What's on the menu of dreams today?

Salad spinner.

Excellent.

And where's your
happiness, remember? In the moment.

That's Lydia. She was my first customer.

I took her out of the past
into the eternal present. Look,

I don't care about your customers. I'm
here to talk about your deal with the devil.

Extreme muscle tension.

What?

Get the weight of the world syndrome.

Feel like you gotta
save everyone. Mr. Albert,

this is more important
than life and death.

Oh, listen, dude, I don't do dichotomies.

No, life, death, good,
bad, right, wrong, up,

down. Those are all
constructs, not concrete.

Change your mind, you can
change your reality. No.

You're the one who needs
to change your reality.

And fast. You're the one who's suffering.

Haunted by regret.

The fear that everything
you've ever done is meaningless?

You don't deserve this, Tom.

Just let it go. I can't.

I have to help you.

I'm good. Dude, I'm golden. Why
don't you help yourself for a change?

Give yourself permission to live
your own dreams. Yours are so simple.

Work, eat, sleep, fall in love.

All you want to do is be human.

That happened.

He's got a boogie. It's break time.

Wait.

Can I help you?

I was just looking for someone.

Morgan!

You were right.

I aced the final.

I've known you for two years.

Final?

Highest mark in my
entire medieval lit class.

Ha ha!

Um, congratulations.

I think this calls for
a little celebration.

Redemption. Life and death.

But I have something to do.

Don't worry.

I'll show you exactly what to do.

Home.

Sweet.

Home. What's wrong?

Nothing.

I just thought we'd never get here.

If I knew you were that
impatient, I'd have done it on the bike.

Gabe, come on.

Matinee starts in 20 minutes.

We'll miss the commercials.

Hey, the world is not going to go off its
axis because one pencil is out of line.

Okay.

I'll pack us a snack.

I wish I was the best
mommy in the world so

I could always show
you how much I love you.

Come on, Gabe, we gotta go.

Gabe, we're gonna be late for the game.

Jeez, Tiger. This place
looks like a bomb hit it.

Maybe we should do a
little clean-up before we go?

Ah, come on.

It's always like this.

He's just a kid.

All right, fine. We'll
live like pigs one more day.

Come on, sport.

Let's scram before she wises up.

Are you undermining my authority?

No, I'm not.

You don't have any.

Oh, yes, I do.

Put your uniform on, kid.

Hey, give me some of that.

This is my bottle.

Get your own.

Come on. I want some.

Morgan can't come to
the phone right now, but

if you leave your name and number... Oh.

Hi, Carl.

Yeah, he's right here.

Hello.

It's almost tea time.
Where the hell are you?

Who is this?

Oh, always the comedian. Suppose
today you're a stand-up comedian,

as in standing up your best
friend. You're my best friend?

Ouch.

You wound me, Morgie.

I'm hanging up now, lest you zap me
with another bolt of lightning wit.

Grab your clubs and get over here.

Where?

I'm taking that to the police.

Morgan! Finally!

I see you eyeing the bar with evil
intent. Can I buy you a cocktail?

Ph.D. in philosophy? No.

There was, uh... I was looking
for someone who was important.

Well, you know my philosophy.

Golf first, ask questions later.

How can I help you?

I'm sorry, we don't sell guns.

Really?

Then how do you explain the fact that I
found it on a shelf in beauty products?

Don't you know people
bring their children here?

Somebody must have left it.

What, you think someone
just put down their gun

for a minute while they
checked out eyeshadows?

Is that what you're going to tell police
after some toddler blows her own head off?

I'm sorry, I can't explain it.

Well, that does not make me very happy.

Is that your job?

Yes.

Yes, it is.

Thank you.

Two slices of bread, and it's
time for a Carl's sandwich.

Meow.

Which reminds me, how's your
little minx purring these days?

Maya?

She's, uh... She's good.

She got an A on her test.

Grown woman still in
school. Who needs a PhD anymore?

Still, you always did
like the brainy ones.

So, Margie's settling down, huh?

Slipping on the noose, buying the cow.

Nice shot.

Yeah. I guess I am.

Listen, creep, I'm trying
to help you avoid a lawsuit.

I don't need any personal
advice on my anger issues.

Is there a problem, ma'am?

Yes, there is a problem. This little
nobody is trying to tell me I'm a calm,

serene, peaceful person.
Do I look serene to you?

No, ma'am.

Thank you.

I don't understand. It's not working.

The way you don't understand can fill a
library. You think you're smarter than me?

You are an irrelevant
retail peon who doesn't

understand anything about the real world.

I'm sorry.

Damn right I'm right. Now, I'm gonna go
dispose of this before somebody gets hurt.

Since when do we sell guns?

You know what I think?

I think you're living in a dream world.

Feels good, huh, sport?

You've earned it, Gabe.
You've had a great season.

You made your father very happy. And now,

he can live through you and
get no exercise whatsoever.

Keep it in your pants, Danny.

You know my sister only
likes it once a month.

Taylor.

Glad you finally made it.

Wouldn't want to miss
the big birthday party.

It's tomorrow.

Whatever.

Are you going dancing, or
is that the outfit you've

been wearing since last night? Jerry. Hmm.

Gabe Hallstrom. Most
valuable player. Woo-hoo.

Maybe you can even coach the team
when you're a middle-aged loser. Oops.

Don't spoil it for him, Taylor.

Come on. You're not actually
proud of this, are you, Gabe?

Yeah, I am.

Well, fine.

Don't let me pop your middle-class bubble.

I'll see you around.

Forget it, sport.

It's not about you, okay?

So, my professor asked me to write this
paper on Sir Gawain and the Green Knight.

He says if it's good, it
could even become my thesis.

Huh.

Why'd you decide to
study medieval literature?

You know very well you got me into it.

I did?

How?

You read me the entire Canterbury
Tales out loud in original Middle English.

It was like I was
there. You don't remember?

Morgan, don't go all weird on me.

I've been looking my whole
life for a great guy like you.

And I don't want to have to
send you back to the factory.

No, sorry.

It's too late for that.

Yeah, why?

Because I loved you.

What are you doing here?
I want to talk to you.

You said...

To stay in the moment.

You said that's where
my happiness would be.

I can't find it. I can't find the moment.

Hey, lady. Go wine someplace else. Take
it easy. Don't tell me to take it easy.

I need some help.

The camera.

It was working fine yesterday when
you took that picture. I look great,

but I've been taking
pictures of myself all night,

and they just keep getting worse and
worse. It's wearing off. What's wearing off?

My warranty?

I'll pay extra to extend it.

No, please! You gotta help me, please!

Morgan? Are you okay?

The pictures, they're all gone.

What pictures? Pictures of us on the wall,

at the beach, at some party, in the woods.

Morgan, you don't like
pictures. That's why we never take any.

No.

Something's wrong, this isn't.

Look, is this cold feet?

I mean, we've been finting
around about getting more serious,

and maybe you're just not ready.

Maya Kandinsky, will you marry me?

Hi, you've reached Morgan
Pim. Leave me a message,

and I'll call you back as soon as I can.

Yeah, it's Timothy Albert, the guy
you came to see yesterday. He said,

I really need to talk to you right
away, and call me at your remark.

God, am I glad to see you.

Down in my last roach, I
really need to de-stress.

Hey. Yeah, sucks to be you, don't it?

No, not usually. I mean, but, well,
it's just really a matter of perception.

Anyway, do me for an ounce?

That depends.

Can you do me for ten
years of back payments?

No, no, our relationship's not based on
money. You usually just give it to me.

And I finally said to
myself, hey, damn, Rafe,

you got enough money you can take
care of any narc that comes after you.

You don't need help from
this candy-ass cashier.

Then now wait, stop.

You're talking about things
that aren't a part of my reality.

You know what I think?

I think you're living in a dream world.

And I'm your wake-up call.

Coming.

I'm going to eat your pancakes.

No, you're not. Then I'm going
to eat them. No, you're not.

Happy birthday, Tiger! Hope
you like cake for breakfast!

Stop hitting me. We can talk about this.

We'll talk when I get my money.

I don't have it. I don't have the money.

I never needed money to
be happy. Well, I do.

We can work it out
together. Ow! No, we can change it.

Right after I get out of my class,

I want to go out for
dinner and drink champagne and

call all our friends and
tell them you proposed.

I already told my folks, and they
were so happy for both of us. Hey,

you should call your
parents and tell them.

What do you think about a beach wedding,
since we're not into the church thing?

What are you looking for?

I don't know.

Who's that?

I don't know her name.

Why is her picture on our table?

Morgan, let's not play games. We've been
together for two years. Have we? What?

I don't know.

There's no pictures of us, Maya.

And even when there were, I don't
remember being in those places with you.

Morgan, you're not making any sense.

You say we should tell my
parents about getting engaged.

Of course.

Have you met them?

Okay.

What are their names?

You see? I don't know either.

I don't know what year I was born.

It's like there's pieces of
my life that are missing,

and there's something important
that I'm supposed to be doing.

I thought we were important.

First message.

Yeah, it's Timothy Albert, the
guy you came to see yesterday.

I really need to talk to you right away.

Call me at your mark.

I have to go.

Come on, Gabe. Gotta go.

Are you Bernard? Mr.
Hallstrom. Thanks for coming.

Taylor, what were you thinking?

Look, if you're going to
lecture me, I'd rather go to jail.

Well, maybe that's what it would take
for you to learn some responsibility.

Sorry to have to bring
you in here for this,

but one of our other customers saw her
in Ohio with... I found her shoplifting.

Right in front of me.

In case you hadn't
heard, it's against the law.

We caught her with the merchandise in
her purse. Thanks for the help, Lydia.

I'm gonna take it from here.

Why didn't you just ask
us for some money, Taylor?

We've given her money.

How could you do this on Gabe's birthday?

Mr. Wholesome, sir, this
looks to me like a family matter.

Tell you what, if you'll
agree to keep her out of

your mart from now on,
we won't press charges.

Thank you very much.

Let's go.

Morgan! Morgan!

Oh, thank God you're here.

It's all falling apart.

I'm not in control anymore.

I just... Oh, Morgan, man.

Tell me you know who I am.

I just, I don't understand what you
mean. You spun me up into another dimension.

About parallel reality.

We all have an infinite
number of possible realities.

We just have to shift our perception.

So you're saying my life, this
life is just something I dreamed up?

What about all the people I
know? Did I dream them up too?

I can't say that I really understand
the physics, but everybody seems real.

There must be some kind
of awesome rescheduling

going on just to fit it all together.

Scheduling?

By who, the devil? Well, at the
time, I thought he was just a construct,

but now I'm pretty sure he
was real. You're insane.

Where have you been? I've
been calling you all day.

I'm sorry. My phone must have been off.

What's with the uniform?

Nice.

That's nice.

But you don't want your
friends to know I'm a waitress?

I'm sorry, I... Forgot?

Like you forgot we were
supposed to spend the day together?

Well, actually, that's not his fault.

Judy, but who are you, and what
are you doing in our apartment?

I'm Tim. We met at your
mart yesterday. Your mart.

So, you ask me to marry you,

and then you bail on me to spend the day
hanging out with a stranger at your mart?

I guess it's a good thing I
picked up an extra shift.

Looks like I'm gonna need the money.

What are you doing?

I've got to get away, Morgan.

Things are changing.

You are changing.

Actually, he's changing back.

Will you please stay the hell out of this?

Maya, please, I don't want you to go.

Then tell me what's going on!

I can't.

Because you don't trust me.

Why don't you just say it?

Because I was a junkie. A whore.

I'm damaged goods.

If that's what I... I
might as well have some fun.

I have to go. I have to talk
to her. No, no, no, no, no.

I need you to go back to your old life.

Look, this is my life. You've got
to help me. You've got to help me,

or I'm going to hell. All right?

This is your life? It's all falling
apart. You know I'm telling the truth.

So where are you going? I don't know.

L.A. maybe? Mexico?

What difference does it
make? It makes a difference

to me. Jerry, open your
eyes. I don't fit in.

I just screw things up.

It's not as if we don't want you here.
It's not you. I don't want to be here.

I don't want to try anymore.

I paid for this one.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

What are we doing here?

Look, you've been talking all
night. It just doesn't make any sense.

If I see Carl and he's changed,
then maybe... Maybe you'll believe me.

Morgan!

Great to see you on the links.
Who's your friend? I'm Carl.

Tim.

Hey, Carl, I need to talk to you.
Chat away. Just hush when I tee off.

Have you noticed
anything strange happening

in the last couple days? Things changing?

Well, I didn't think it was
possible, but my swing is getting better.

Morgan, it's your reality.

You won't be aware of the changes.

Face it, Tim. Carl
doesn't fit your theory. He's

exactly the same. But that's not possible.

I mean, your apartment, Maya,
everything else is changing.

The only way he could remain
the same is if he was in control.

Ah, you're him. Yeah, you look
different, but you're him. You're the devil.

Well, I've been called
worse, but usually by the gals.

But if the devil is a
transcendent reality,

if there is a reality we can't
change by changing our perception of it,

then that means that
everything I've done...

It's just been an illusion. Yeah, Rafe
was right. We've been living in dream worlds.

Tim, that all sounds deep, but frankly,
thinking gives me a headache. Come on,

we'll shoot nine and grab some Mai Tais.

No, no, no, wait, wait.

If I didn't really change your reality,
then that means it's all in your head.

You can make it go away if you want to.

And why would he want to make all this
beauty go away? Because he wants to help.

That's what you said to
me when I first saw you.

And even when you didn't
remember me, you came to

the Yormar looking for
me. Why would you do that?

He had coupons.

I don't know. Mr.
Alpert, you don't deserve this

torment. When I met you, you were unhappy.

And I thought I could fix your
pain, but it's all still there.

Now, please, whatever it
is, you gotta take it back.

I'll show you exactly what to
do. Otherwise, I am going to hell.

So, you back?

Now it's your turn.

Tell me why you made your deal.

To prove that people can
change their realities.

I don't think so. I think
that was your illusion.

What?

Mr. Alpert, people
don't make deals with the

devil as some kind of
intellectual exercise.

They make them because they're desperate,

because that's the only
way to get what they want.

Hands where I can see them, scumbag.

What?

But I'm not sure.

Yesterday, my dealer, Rafe, said
something about a narc, and I don't know,

but I had this... Well,
it felt like a memory,

but it didn't seem to
really fit in anywhere.

You were desperate?

I was terrified she had a gun.

She?

Lydia.

Your first customer.

Yeah, she's a cop.

I already found the drugs in your
van, Alpert. I know you're dealing.

No, no, no. I swear I
haven't been dealing.

Just

Spoken a little weed here.

You're going down for
half a key of crystal meth,

my friend. If I were
you, I'd make a run for it.

She wasn't there to bust you.

She was there to kill you.

Kill me? The only way a
cop would let you run

is if she didn't want
you to survive the bust.

That way you couldn't tell your side
of the story. She's trying to frame me?

Why? Then I finally said to myself,
hey, damn, Rafe, you got enough money?

You can take care of any
narc that comes after you.

Rafe, my dealer, he
must have paid her off.

And you were going to
take the fall for him.

So that's all it was.

I didn't sell my soul in the name of
philosophy or ideas. I sold it to save my ass.

And when I did it, I spun myself so I'd
forget, so I'd think I was helping people.

And in the process, you spun
Lydia, so she'd fit your new reality.

Do you know where we can find her?

Her spin must be wearing off, too. They
found the gun at your mark. Let's go.

What are you doing? I'm lost. I was
a good wife. I kept a clean house.

But it's just so empty.

So I came here to talk to you,
and you weren't at your window.

And when I went to
throw my salad spinner in

the dumpster, I found
this. It's a sign, Tim.

I can't take this anymore.

I'm just gonna end it.

No, no, Lydia.

We've got to talk. Get out!

Look, you have to stop her.

What, you think she's
doing this because of me?

I think there's a
backlash for anyone who tries

to stay in the dream
world that you gave them.

Like what happened to Maya. They end up
worse off than they were before. Oh, God.

I'm sorry.

Sorry won't do it.

You have three minutes to bring her back
to her original reality the way you did me.

What, I gotta make amends to
Lydia? She was about to kill me.

You can be right, or you
can try to save your soul.

But you better decide
before she pulls that trigger.

Go away.

Lydia, just put the gun down.

It's over.

I can't find my happiness.

But you don't want to kill yourself.

You want to kill me? Tim, don't.

You... Lydia, you're not a housewife.

You don't love your Mart.

Model 5946, standard issue sidearm.

Think about Rafe. About
half kilo of crystal meth.

You scumbag! God damn it!

Somebody call an ambulance!

Life is what it is. But
some days it sure sucks.

Are you there?

Maya, pick up.

Maya.

It's all real, you know. They're real.

As real as they ever were.

It's my gift to you.

And all you have to do is let go.

Let that other life be the dream.

Just a very bad dream.

Don't you have anything you want to
say? Can't you just say something, please?

Are you all right?