All language subtitles for Starhyke - S01E02 - Lucy in the Sky

It's been four weeks
since we time-slipped.

The crew is getting more and more
distracted by our awakened emotions. Dr.

Stryker has recommended that
every crew member undergoes a

psychological evaluation to
explore these latent feelings.

The only thing is, who's to say the
Doctor's not the craziest one of us all?

Reg! Reg, look, it's
the Vermilion Goober Hog!

I'll get it!

Hello, Commander.

I don't suppose you see
my little furry animal?

So how long have you had this
craving for chocolate, Captain?

I don't really want to
talk about it, Doctor.

It's just so... so... Smooth?

Hard?

Delicious?

Smooth, hard, delicious,
addictive. It's like, you know,

I just can't even get enough of it.

Really? Oh, sorry. I was
thinking about something else.

So it's addictively chocolatey.

Exactly.

What's going to happen to me, Doctor?

Am I going to end up some
lonely woman sitting in my room,

eating my way through the ship's
chocolate supply until I explode?

No, no. As you said, you're
obviously not getting enough.

You must have it when you want it, and
then the more you have, the less you'll want.

You know...

I could solve two of my problems if
I had a man made out of chocolate.

Well, not if he melts
before you... Right, it's up.

Time, that is. Now, you need to
sculpt a man out of chocolate,

keep your room temperature down, and
forget about counting calories. Now,

if you'll excuse me, I
have to go over Nurse Beach.

No, I have to go over these
reports with Nurse Beach.

Page one.

It was fun, but we've got to move on.

Move on to a higher level.

But we can't. We're on the bridge.

Yeah, I love you.

Copper, are you a complete idiot, or do
you just enjoy torturing those women?

You see what she was like?

What?

Too possessive.

Schmuck.

Captain?

I need to speak with you.

Now.

Well, yeah, now's a good
time, Sally. Your place or mine?

I'm on my way up, Captain.

Hello, Captain. What is
it, computer? I've detected

a fast-moving ship. What is it, Dotty?

A Class 2 Viper from our time
period. Only one crew member on board.

We're going to have to move fast to
catch it. Proper track it and intercept.

Aye, aye, Captain.

What if it goes to quantum
speed before we can intercept?

Then we track it and
follow. It can run, but

it can't hide. Dottie, follow that Viper.

We're onto it, Captain.

Bridge. How about blackjack?

Bridge.

How about strip poker?

Listen, if you don't take
me to the bridge right now,

I'm going to rip out your hard
drive, tear open your flanges,

and step all over your floppies.

With an inflated calculator.

Aren't we obsessed
with inflatables lately?

Don't touch me like
that, you'll blow my matrix.

Oh, will I?

Oh, I'm really sorry.

Maybe this'll help.

Okay, the bridge it is.

Ah, pop your top off. What
took you so long? Sorry, Captain.

It was a bit of a wrench.

But I'm here now.

I'm forever blowing bubbles. Computer!

Or especially for some... I'm
learning you, you piece of...

Knock it off, computer. Oh, very well.

Someone sabotaged the
Molliport. Good thing it wasn't

the tuna. Can you fix
it? Of course I can, Mom.

But it may take some time,
and I don't know about you,

but I'd like to know
who sabotaged it. Wolf.

Maybe that's something that
you could sink your teeth into?

Don't tempt me. Ox can
find out who it was,

and I'll interrogate them after
I've blown up this viper. Well,

let's get on with it,
people. This isn't a picnic.

Where are you going, Papi
Topo? I'll take the stairs.

The lift's a little, uh, uppity.

The Viper is accelerating, Captain.

Can we intercept? Negative, Captain.

Too late. It hit quantum speed. Well,
then hit quantum engines. Aye, aye, Captain.

Nadia, where are we?

We are at the location formerly
known as the Pandora system. Pandora.

Pandora, Pandora, Pandora. Didn't we
destroy them? Yes, we did, Captain.

But if it's still here, and
they're alive and not dead,

then that means that
they could escape, and then

they could take over the
world, and we could die.

The important thing is not to panic.
The important thing is not to panic.

The important thing is not...

Darling, better?

Much. Thank you, Captain. Where was I?

Oh, doesn't it look
simply polka-trudeness?

What?

Pretty.

Oh, right. Well, there's a mining
colony, but what would the Reptids want here?

That's what we're trying to find out.

Shall I form a tactical
assault unit, Captain?

No, Woof. We have nothing to fear
over a lone reptid and a viper, too.

We must be ready, Captain.

Woof is right. Yes, and
I'm the captain, okay?

Scan, Dotty. Dotty, I said
scan, not scat. Sorry, Captain.

Computer! Our shields are down.

Hologram, what is going on around here?

Sabotage, Captain.

But you might like to reflect upon
what I suggested to you earlier.

That it might be better to
replace the computer with me,

thus giving you the time and opportunity
to check out the computer's mainframe.

Oh no, I'm sane, believe me. My
mainframe is in perfect shape.

So are you suggesting that the computer
is deliberately messing with herself?

Never, Belinda. I'm not
that sort of computer.

It's a possibility, Captain, and as
we could be attacked at any moment,

it may be prudent to
take note of my warning.

Captain, there's another
ship entering the system on

the same trajectory as
ours. Hologram dismissed.

Dottie, scan it. Is it from Earth?

A very, very old cargo vessel.

Quite extraordinary that it doesn't
break up in this system's atmosphere.

Should we intercept,
Captain? Shall I now form

a tactical assault
unit, Captain? No, not yet.

Can I take a closer look, Wolf?

Bring it on screen, Dottie.
Aye, aye, Captain. Cropper,

go down to engineering and give
Sally the benefit of your experience.

Do I have to, Captain?
She's just not my type.

I meant give her a hand, some help.

Dottie, bring it up on screen, please.

Commander Cropper's not such a bad guy.

A little dim, perhaps, even for a man.

There's just something
about him that's so... Chief.

How long have you been
standing there, Commander?

I've just got here.

What are you here for?

I'm here for you.

Full speed ahead then, Commander.

And for the repairs, Sally?

I don't need help with
the repairs, Commander. I'm

the engineering whiz kid, remember?

When I was four, I built a
jet propulsion pack for my cat,

and there wasn't a dog on
the block that could catch it.

So you could say,
Commander, that I had the fastest...

Kitten on Earth.

Cropper to the bridge.

Thank you.

Well, promise me you'll
come again, Commander.

Duty first, Chief.

The captain needs my services.

What's coming from its rear?

Fat. Human fat. What? Fat.

Human fat. What? Fat? Human fat.

It appears that they carry a
cargo of it amongst other things.

That is disgusting. Woof!

Go and prepare your assault unit now. Yes!

Yes, Captain.

Dottie, contact that cargo vessel.

Aye aye, Captain.

I am Captain Blowheart of
the Dreadnought Nemesis.

Tell me your name, purpose, and cargo.

The name's Rogan.

And as for the rest, mind
your own business, missy.

I ask you again, what is your purpose
in this sector, and what is your cargo?

We see the Viper, and it
appears to be closing in.

We shall speak again, Mr. Rogan. In
the meantime, stay out of the way.

This fight is of no concern to you.

Target the Viper.

Pulse cannon locked, Captain.

Incoming fire.

Fire. Evasive action, Johnny. Fire.

Chief, do we have the Reptid yet?

I think I may have
something you want, Captain.

Would you like to trade?

I told you not to get involved.

I'm a merchant, Captain.

I get what people want, and I trade with
them for it. It's how I makes my living.

So, do you want this or not?

Okay, we'll do a deal.

You don't happen to have
any real chocolate, do you?

Plain old milk. Swiss, Hershey, English,
white chocolate nuts, caramel and biscuit,

fondant filling, honeycomb.

I even have Belgian chocolate.

Um, okay.

We'll talk later.

Everything's under control, Captain.

Very good.

Mr. Rogan, you come with me.
Leave your pet here. Move.

Take the Reptid to the
brig and interrogate him.

Sally spotted a strained substance in
the molly port after our guests arrived.

She sent a sample to Dr. Stryker for
analysis. The computer's still acting up.

Personally, I think she's been
affected by the stench of Rogan's aftershave.

Careful!

So I presume that you're
a smuggler, Mr. Rogan.

On many things, Captain Blowheart. And
yes, being a smuggler is one of them.

But this trip is a fair
trade with the miners.

Human fat. I don't
understand. Explain to me.

The miners store them in
tanks below the surface

where they grow by
themselves with nothing added.

Just like in humans?

Yes, like magic.

But how do you get them?

My alien worm friends down on Earth
harvest them after the fatties are buried.

If they didn't, the glands would
grow and grow until they explode,

and then that would be disgusting.

We do not understand this. Aren't
the fat glands harmful to the miners?

What do they do with them?

They make soup and
spread it on dry biscuits.

My ancestors used to call it bread and
scrape, and it never did them any harm.

Tell me, Captain, are all the women
in your family as beautiful as you?

Um, Mr. Rogan, you have
something wriggling in your pocket.

It's one of my balls.

Tell me that you're not an
alien, that you're human.

Don't worry, Belinda.

I'm all man.

No, no, Captain.

This is a Veruvian hamster.

You don't want to touch one of these.

They only have one master.

May we ask why?

Let's just say they have a nasty
bite for such small creatures.

And you would want to keep
something like that in your trouser pocket?

It could strip your assets.

I'm its master.

Besides, it enjoys the company.

Can I get something to
eat around here, Captain?

How about some lunch below?

I'm sure I can rustle up a little bread
and scrape for you. I'll show you the way.

In the meantime, you can tell me all
about your chocolate collection. Oh, perfect.

Commander, you're in charge of the ship.

Aye, aye, Captain.

Doctor, I have the results from
the samples you asked me to run.

Now, it would appear the
substance I found on the lower

level was some kind of
translucent skin pigmentation,

which when touched... Give me an eye!

Give me an eye!

Give me a cake! Give me
an eye! Give me an eye!

What does he smell? Strangling.

Oh crap.

There you are. Are you lost? Yes.

Would you like us to
take you to your captain?

Oh, please.

This way, then. What's up,
Wu? Fox, get into the med bay.

This way.

Welcome to the Dance Academy,

where we accept only the most
talented and dedicated of artists.

I am Madame Valenska, and right here
is where you start paying in sweat.

You will both have two
minutes each to dance for me.

You better use it wisely.

You.

You can go first, handsome.

So, can't we come to some sort of
agreement in regards to this chocolate?

What do you have in mind, Captain?

Well, I do have a very
special brew of fleech on board.

We use it to clean the quantum
engines. I think you call it alcohol?

Oh.

I thought you were offering
something else today, Captain.

Well, um, I have some diamond salt
crystals. Those must be worth something.

How about one night of
passion with you for the

entire cargo of
chocolate on board my ship?

Well, I'm really not that
desperate for chocolate.

I believe we can come
to a mutual agreement.

I told you, I'm not
that kind of woman, Rogan.

If we can't come to an agreement, then I
guess I'll just go interview the Reptid.

Very well, Captain.

Well, in all the years that I
have been dancing, I have never,

ever seen such a display of
pathetic artistic integrity.

I never in my life had to
endure two minutes of such utter

torture before you ever
darken my doorstep again.

Do yourself and me a favor.

Get some lessons.

And you, you have potential.

Charm.

Animal magnetism.

Oh, I want to teach you.

I want to know
everything about where you learn.

You are the real thing. Come with me.

What are you looking at?

And I'm feeling good.

It makes sense.

Daddy, what's going on? Are you
malfunctioning again? Doctor, what is going on here?

God, I want you so bad!

We'll play now.

Well, hello.

Come right to me, Belinda.

Oh, thank you. Kind sir,
I was wondering if you

would do me the honor of dancing with me.

You believe I'm next on
your dance card, my dear?

Delicious.

Don't worry, Chief.

There's plenty more men in the sea.

Can they truly match up
to Commander Cropper?

Sally, is it?

Just the woman I wanted.

Really?

You wanted me?

From the moment I came aboard, I
couldn't wait to be alone with you.

What do you mean?

I want you so badly.

Your body is so... Who cares?

I just want to throw you
down and rip off your clothes.

Yes, throw me down. Use me,
better me, and make me yours.

Please be careful. I'm
really looking forward to this.

Do you mind if we play some games?

Hey, Logan, next time, you
can play the dumb animal,

and I shall play with
the pretty girls, okay?

I thought we'd agreed, Logan,

that it was easier for you to move
around the ship than me. Hey, hey, hey.

Come, take this one with us.

She looks up for some fun.

No, and stop playing with the props.
Remember what we came here for. Yes,

Logan runs here, Logan runs there. No fun.

Will you stop moaning?
It's time to leave anyway.

The hallucinations won't last much longer.

Linda, I'm losing my grip. Oh, crap!

Relay.

Belinda, my darling. I hope you don't
mind, but I borrowed some of your supplies.

I really enjoyed our first
encounter. Perhaps we'll

meet again some time. Bye-bye, my darling.

We certainly will, you fool. Totally.

Thank you, Wolf.

We've been burgled, Captain.

I know, and I've been had. I didn't
even get to try Belgian chocolate.

Oh, yes, how's the sculpting of a
chocolate man coming along, Captain?

Enough, Doctor. Whatever happened
to Doctor Patient Privilege? Hello?

Besides, you gave me milk
chocolate, not dark chocolate.

I thought you liked milk chocolate.

Now all the good bits keep falling off.

She'll be coming round the
mountain when she comes, when she comes.

She'll be coming round the mountain.

I'm going down to the brig to go
interview the reptile a little bit more, Doctor.

Will you please sort Dottie out?

Sure, Captain. I'll
come with you, Captain.

Oh, Rach, why can't you be that much fun?

Thank you, Captain.

I shall now be examining
the back of my eyelids.

Oh, great.

Here I was, looking forward to having a
little chat with our rutted friend. Well,

why don't you please get
rid of this piece of crap?

I'll take you higher

Thank you.