Original subtitles

(electronic dance music)

(♪)

- (Shoresy): So dumb! - I know.

Fuckin' so dumb.

Delaney was at the Coulson last night?

- (Miig): Mm-hmm. - What side?

- Which fuckin' side? - The strip club side.

The strip club side.

The Yanks brought their team in a day early

for a Sudbury Saturday night game.

Guess no one told them our Friday's

have a similar reputation.

How do you know he was at the rippers?

'Cause I was in there too.

(electronic dance music)

(Ziig): He was in the VIP room the entire night

and just took his pick and kept filling their pockets.

(Shoresy): Is that what the kids are callin' it these days?

(Sanguinet): How do you know this?

(Ziig): 'Cause I was in there too.

(electronic dance music resumes)

- Aren't you dating a guy now? - I wasn't that night.

Out roaming for a canal, eh Ziig?

- They closed the place down. - Good.

If he had a late one, he won't be 100% today.

Turns out the night was young.

He was going to the wee hours, going hard.

Well, Delaney loves the snooters.

I don't know how he was getting any up there

- after a certain point. - How do you know that?

'Cause I was in there too.

(electronic dance music resumes)

(whistle blows)

Get between his ears early.

If he was up doin' snooters all night,

he's between his own ears.

You tryin' a new scent, Ziig?

- Still on me from last night. - Hmm.

You guys know how much perfume strippers wear.

- No, I don't. - Kee-he-he-he!

Yo, were the sluts with their girls again all day?

- Ask them. - Is Michaels still

- acting weird? - Goalies are always weird.

- Why are the Jims always late? - Bangin' yer mom, Ziig!

Even with the new hired guns,

don't lose track of Belson, Welson, Bilson, and Wilson.

We won't.

(speaking French)

- Remy Nadeau! - Oui, oui, oui.

Benny et Remy Nadeau!

Ay-yo! (clears throat)

Bilson à Belson, Belson retour à Bilson,

Bilson à Wilson. Wilson à Welson.

Welson de retour à Wilson, Wilson à Benson.

Oh, no, no!

Et un Remy Nadeau!

So, you don't think if you put the top three American

players against the top three Canadians,

- it would be close? - Shut the fuck up, Michaels.

- You're serious? - I get it, bud,

you got your first tuggy down there playin' NCAA,

but the hockey's better up here and so are the tuggies.

Okay, Matthews, Gaudreau, and Tkachuk brothers.

- Either one. - Pick one.

- No, I can't. - Give your balls a tug.

It's the same with the Hughes brothers.

- Tit fucker. - What uh, okay,

Matthews, Gaudreau, and Eichel.

McDavid, MacKinnon, and Crosby.

- That'd be close! - I didn't even say Makar

and the other three might say

he's better than all three of them.

Let's get goin' here, boys! Let's go now!

Wilson à Bilson à Belson à B-Belson à D-Delson

à W-Wilson, à W-B-Delson

- à Ben-selonay. - Opalye!

So, how's it feel, Delaney?

You did so much blow, you're in the NOSHO.

Hey, is that coke on your nose? I'm callin' the cops.

Hey, Delaney, let's get an eight-ball put some porn on.

Hey, better check your balance. I heard you left your card

in the ATM, ya fuckin' loser.

- Knock it off, Shoresy. - Schnurr!

- No one's buggin' ya over here. - Schnurr!

Don't bug us, we won't bug you.

Shut the fuck up, Schnurr, you old fuck.

Hey, ya up late doin' some of that Chuck Sheen?

A little up town? A little nose cardio?

Hey, what does that remind ya of, Delaney?

Hey, what does that remind ya of?

Oh boy, it's sure great to be able to breathe

outta my nose right now, Delaney, I gotta tell ya.

I've played through worse, Shoresy.

- Shut up. - And against better.

You feel like shit.

Playing guilty's a performance enhancer.

- You're still high. - You watch.

I think you're still high.

Shut the fuck up, Shoresy.

- Fer what? - Shut your fuckin' mouth.

- Hey, take it easy, big boy. - You don't go near him.

The cops are comin'. Let's get outta here.

- Come on, let's go! - Fuck you!

- Hurry! - Nah, get the fuck outta here.

Hey, you want this?

(players shouting indistinctly)

Wilson à Phil?

Ooh, oh...

Et Remy Nadeau!

Shut up ya fuckin' goon!

- (Palmer): I'll get ya. - Yeah, let's fuckin' see it.

(overlapping arguments) I'll spear ya in the teeth

before you get your gloves off. Oh yeah? Let's fuckin' see it!

- I'll fuckin' get ya! - Hey, you like your teeth?

(ref): Everyone outta here!

Huh? You wanna look like that? Hey!

- Let's see it. - I'll fuckin' get ya, bud.

Yeah, good luck with the Jims, ya big dumb fuck!

- Fuck you! - Fuck you!

Yeah, good luck with the Jims, ya fuckin' goon.

I'll go through the whole fuckin' team

- to get to ya, Shoresy. - Let's see it!

- What're ya gonna do? - I'll go through 'em

- fuckin' twice to get ya! - You're not gonna do

fuckin' anything! Oh yeah, let's fuckin' see it!

I'll go through everybody!

Did ya get that, Cor?

(walkie-talkie beeps) (Cory): Roger.

Fuckin' eh.

Hey, how'd your date go last night, Liam?

- It was good. - Yeah? What'd ya do?

We went to the theatre at the Rainbow Centre.

No, I mean what'd you do?

Oh, sorry.

Yeah.

Frenched for a bit, but nothin' else.

Must've had your walkie clipped

to your shoulder then, eh? (walkie-talkie beeps)

- (Shoresy): Woo! - Hey,

Jims!

Whudda y'at?

- (loud fart) - You know what's good

in a chicken salad?

I expected ya to be a bit

more involved out there, Jim.

Yeah. (Shoresy): Jim.

Sorry. (Shoresy): Jim.

We'll get there, Shoresy.

Don't worry 'bout it, bud.

- Wasabi aioli. - All right, boys,

if there's one thing better than winning,

it's beating the Yanks.

And those guys across the rink,

if there's one thing worse than losing,

- it's losing to Canada. - B'ys, there's nutting

for them so bad as dat.

We're gettin' pretty close to something real shiny

at the finish line here, boys.

And the Yanks wanna make sure we don't get it.

So, when that puck drops, you'd better be goin',

'cause you bet the Soo Hunt will be.

Well, might take Delaney a minute to get goin'.

- We gotta set the tone, boys! - Unless he's over there

- hittin' rips before the anthem! - I've got a pretty good idea

on who's settin' the tone tonight.

Who's gonna set the tone, Sanger?

- Who's gonna fuckin' set it? - Jim, you ready?

- Yeah. - Good, 'cause you're goin'!

- (team): Yaa-hoo! - Jim, you ready?

- Yes. - Good, 'cause you're goin'!

- (team): Yaa-hoo! - Jim, you ready?

Feelin' pretty good, Sanger. Feelin' ready to go.

Good, 'cause you're goin'! (team): Yaa-hoo!

(Sanguinet): Dolo, ready to mix it up?

Good, 'cause you're goin'! (team): Yaa-hoo!

(Sanguinet): Hitch, how ya feelin' about

two points tonight? (Hitch): Yes, sir!

- (voices fading) - Good, 'cause you're goin'!

(team): Yaa-hoo!

(tense rap music)

(music stops)

(Shoresy): Who's gonna set the tone, boys?

Who's gonna fuckin' set it?

Oh, here we go! (whistle blows)

What the fuck, Jim?

(players shouting indistinctly)

Who's fuckin' going?

Who's goin, boys? Who's goin'?

Fuck's sake!

(crowd jeering)

- Let's go, Jim! - Set the tone, Jimmy.

Set the tone.

(players cheering)

Go!

Fuck's sake!

(crowd shouting)

(players cheering)

Fuck's sake!

Yeah! Come on!

(ref): 36 is gone, Sanguinet. Third man in.

Shoresy's line.

Well, boys, better fuckin' run 'em up.

(player): Hey!

(crowd cheers)

(buzzer blares)

(whistle blows)

(horn blares)

(player): Hey!

(whistle blows)

(buzzer blares)

I'll get that fuckin' cunt in the second.

That'd be great!

Well, are we just gonna be down a goal all night, boys?

Let's get ahead! Shoot the puck!

(players cheering)

(horn blares)

(cheering)

Fuck's sake! Wake the fuck up!

(players cheering)

(Delaney): Woo-hoo-hoo!

How do you like it, Shoresy, huh? How do you like it?

(Shoresy): Shut up ya fuckin' drunk!

(Delaney): Haha!

Could use a momentum swing here, Sanger!

(Sanguinet): Jims' line.

Run 'em up and fill 'em in, boys.

Let's fuckin' go! Holy fuck, Goody, Dolo,

if I spray the puck with Melodie's perfume,

you think you'd go after it a little harder?

Fuck, Fish, are you ever gonna score again?

I'm startin' to think you'll never score again, eh? Ever?

Here we go! Here we go.

Come on, Jimmy! Jim, come on! Come on, Jimmy.

- Come on, baby! - Come on, Jimmy!

- Get him! - Here we go!

- Let's go Jim. - Come on, Jimmy!

(overlapping shouting)

(Shoresy): For fuck's sake.

Fuck's sake.

- There ya go, yeah! - Let's go!

Yeah! Fuck's sake. Fuck!

(crowd murmuring)

(buzzer blares)

(skates thumping)

Shoresy.

- You okay? - Yeah, just sometimes

when I get real frustrated, I cry a little bit.

But I'm fuckin' trying not to.

- Maybe just cry, my guy. - Oh, no, no,

let's do somethin' fuckin' productive.

- Behind the eight-ball here. - Yeah, well,

that's what happens when you don't set the tone.

- Jims tried to set the tone. - They never set it.

- Never got set. - Well, ya gotta set

the fucking tone!

Dolo sucks tonight.

Well, don't let Goody off the hook.

I don't expect them to show up in the third either.

Well, they already played a fuckin' period between

- the sheets. - They look like shit.

- They stink! - Frankie's head

- is somewhere else. - Yeah, probably

in a box of Zebra Cakes.

What do you wanna do?

You tell me.

Let's go through the supporting cast.

- That's all we can do. - Fish.

Fish may never score again, Sanguinet!

Exactly. No use for scorers who don't score.

(arena organ chimes)

Holy fuck, Jims! What happened?

I thought I'd take a few to get inside

and maybe he'd break his hand on my head.

- (loud fart) - Lucky you didn't

- get knocked out. - How many times

- have you been knocked out? - Four or five.

- That's a lot of concussions. - Never had a concussion.

Well, Fish, ya ready to be the hero?

- What? - Huh?

- You just said-- - I know what I said.

You're gonna score us a fuckin' goal.

What if I don't? (Sanguinet): You're cut.

I'm cut?

You used to score us a goal a game.

- How many did you get last game? - Zero.

- And the game before that? - Zero.

- And the game before that? - Zero!

No use for scorers who don't score.

(scoffs)

(tense electronic music)

Score us a goal, Fish.

(music intensifies)

(♪)

(whistle blows)

(crowd groans)

(whistle blows)

(crowd cheers)

(horn blares)

(Bulldogs cheer)

(♪)

(horn blares)

(indistinct chatter)

My man.

Well, Fish, you scored the game-winning goal,

but your mom's real ugly. How's it feel?

Pretty big smile for a guy who almost got cut.

- That was fucked up. - Well, didn't see you

complainin' when your teammates were mobbin' ya.

- I'm serious. - Didn't see you complainin'

when the fans were cheerin' your name.

- That wasn't cool. - Won't see you complainin'

when you're gettin' your dink sucked later tonight.

Or maybe I will.

What, you want me to come watch or?

Don't fuck with me like that again.

Nice game, coach.

(rap music)

(players cheering)

I think it's pretty fuckin' obvious.

(clapping)

- Shoresy. - Call your fuckin' parents.

Cunt hair away from fucking up that record, slut.

Well, they don't ask how, they ask how many.

Could do without the suspense next time.

- Ask and you shall receive. - Kee-he-he!

- You've got press. - Yew!

- Not with her. - I was gonna say,

let me grab a shower first.

Got a fuckin' ecosystem down here.

- Ew! - This guy knows

- what I'm talkin' about. - Oh, fuck you, Shoresy.

It's a different press opportunity.

Well, is she hot?

(quietly): Is he dying?

- What? - Is he going to die?

- No. - What's wrong with you?

Well, usually when they bring somebody in

for something like this, like a kid, it's 'cause

- it's like... - What?

- His last wish. - No!

What do you think, you're the fuckin' Rock?

So, he's not dying or anything?

- No! - You're in the fucking NOSHO,

- you're a nobody. - Then why do you got me

doing an interview with a fucking infant?

- 'Cause we-- - Huh?

He's not an infant. (Nat): 'Cause we are

an organization by the community for the community

and doing interviews for his popular YouTube show

will help us reach more of our community.

So, first you got us with our dinks out in calendars,

and now you want us on a kids' show?

It is a bit weird when he puts it that way.

- Fuck you, Shoresy. - Fer what?!

We want more kids out to games.

- Why? - Because kids in sports

- stay off the streets. - Drugs kill dreams.

You're an idiot.

(Nat): His name is Jory. (Shoresy): What?

- Jor-y. - Jory?

Yeah, like Cory but Jory.

Oh, my God. So dumb.

Ready? Okay.

Welcome to the Sudbury Kids Sports Report.

I'm your host, Jory Jordan and I'm here

with the captain of your Sudbury Blueberry Bulldogs.

- (clicks tongue) - What's up, buddy?

- What's goin' on? - Another win for the Bulldogs.

- You bet. - That's a good lesson

for the kids at home, you don't have to be pretty.

Let's open it up to some fan questions.

This one comes from local realtor Brandon Town.

"Great job on the calendar."

Thanks buddy, appreciate that.

You understand that's out there forever now?

Think you'll have kids one day?

Maybe you can't.

If a kid came to school and said,

"Hey, look at this calendar, it's your dad."

Can't get much worse than that.

Only if you got a name like Jory Jordan.

Let's go to another fan question.

There aren't any.

You're not that great at interviews. Kinda simple?

They weeded out all the simple kids from gen pop

in grade 3 at my school. What was it for you?

Just a couple more questions, Jory.

Would you say getting held back in grade 2 was worse

than getting held back in grade 1?

- Alright, last one, Jory. - Two-part question.

What was it like seeing all your friends move up a grade

without you, and do you use that as motivation today?

Thanks, Nat. That was fun.

Looks like that'll be all for tonight

on the Sudbury Kids Sports Report.

(Shoresy): Get big and strong, kid.

You're gonna need it if you wanna act like that.

Don't take it out on me that you can't have kids.

(Nat): For fuck sakes, Shoresy. (Shoresy): Fer what?!

- What the hell was that? - He's not even dying.

I meant the game.

What the one we're on a 22-game heater after?

- We sucked. - We stink.

- Frankie was somewhere else. - He hasn't heard

- from his girlfriends, my guy. - Girlfriends?

Goody and Dolo have had their heads in mitt all day.

Michaels is still acting weird.

(both): Goalies are always weird.

And what is with the Jims?

Well, they didn't set the tone.

Have you ever heard of Reach For The Top?

Sanguinet, did you threaten

to cut Fish if he didn't score?

- Who ratted? - It wasn't a threat.

Sanguinet...

- Is that true? - You surprised?

Well, didn't see him complainin'

when his teammates were mobbin' him.

- That's over the top. - Didn't see him complainin'

when the fans were cheerin' his name.

- Don't do that again. - Won't see him

complainin' when he's gettin' his dink sucked later tonight.

Or maybe I will. Fuck it, I'll watch if he wants me to.

You have multiple fires to put out, Shoresy.

Which one are you gonna start with first?

- Yeah, so-- - Never mind,

I don't care. But start now.

- Oh, my God! - Go!

So dumb.

- Sanguinet, eh? - Man's a killer now.

I used to not like it when he was like that.

- Like what? - Shoresy.

You don't want him anything like Shoresy.

I gotta say, he's settling into it, though.

- Loves to win. - Hates to lose.

Bulldog hockey, baby.

- Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm.

- (knocking) - Hi.

Couldn't find the arena guy. Do you mind if I step in?

Unfortunately, you got a problem with all three

shower heads in the visitors' locker room.

They're almost completely blocked and they're leakin'

where the heads meet the hose.

What are you, a fuckin' plumber?

Yeah. Always wanted to learn a trade.

Better late than never.

I got caught workin' late today. Ended up takin' my truck

to the game. Luckily, I had some Teflon tape in there

and I fixed the seals where the heads meet the hose.

But as for the heads themselves, do you have any CLR?

'K, great. Have your arena guy run 'em through that

for a couple minutes. They'll be as good as new.

And that's not to imply you couldn't do this all yourself,

I just figured you'd be pretty busy

running the best team in the league and all.

Soon to be the best team ever.

Right. Goodnight.

What a fuckin' nerd.

That guy played a thousand games in the show.

Now he's in the NOSHO.

That guy played with first-ballot Hall of Famers.

- Now he's a plumber. - Everybody needs a plumber.

What a fuckin' nerd.

Nat.

Dude, your knees are shaking.

Holy shit woman, you're fired up.

I don't think I've ever seen this.

Uh-uh.

(Miig): You don't date sluts, remember?

(Ziig): Yeah, you just take them down.

Uh-huh.

(Miig): So...

I'm gonna fuck that slut.

(electronic music)